


As Time Passes...

by Storiesarelife1903



Category: Corpse Party (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Cute, Drama, Explicit Language, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Growing Up Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Yaoi, Non-Explicit Sex, Romance, Romantic Tension, Shounen-ai, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-28 20:04:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 70
Words: 237,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3868072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storiesarelife1903/pseuds/Storiesarelife1903
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story of two childhood friends. They have their differences - but remain side-by-side as the years go on. However, during their teenage years their closeness drives them to a point of wanting something more. As the pressure of life and an intolerant society tries to push them further away from eachother, how will they fare? Will their relationship continue to deepen or will they only grow apart?</p><p>Contains Yaoi and mild sexual content.<br/>If you don't like love between two males, don't read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Our First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> With this story, I'm going to attempt to write something a bit more serious, with a few light hearted moments here and there. I would like some suggestions for situations in some of the chaqpters, in case my material is a bit dull. Other than that, I will try to make this story work on my own. It should be okay, right? Okay, I'm going to get started.  
> For the first chapter, Kizami and Kurosaki start of as children and then they gradually grow up into their adult years. Right, phew...I've rambled on quite enough. Let's get started. 
> 
> I own none of the Corpse Party characters.  
> Enjoy!

Kurosaki's POV...

It started in pre-school...Our friendship, I mean. I was just starting like everyone else. I didn't know anyone, but I was determined to make friends. That's what I thought as I exited into the playground. It was summer, so naturally it would be a good time for me to go outside and meet other children. Looking around, it was clear that a lot of the other kids had already made friends in class. At the time, I was kinda shy. I wasn't sure how to be confident and ask a small group if I could play with them. Wandering around, I felt at a loss. And I was almost about to sit on the side-lines and spend the rest of pre-school alone, when I saw him. One of the kids was just like me. He sat, alone, under the shade of the one tree in the whole playground. It was an interesting image. He didn't really fit into the crowd so he decided to hide in the shadows. Despite that, he looked quite sad. I may be imposing if I walked up to him, however, I didn't like seeing him all alone. I felt bad for him.

I took a deep breath, and made my way over towards him. The boy didn't spot me, at first. I guess he might have been in his own little world. I stopped just a few centimetres away from him, catching the shade under the lone cherry tree. "U-um...". I began in a small, inaudible voice. "H-hello...?" I awkwardly waved at the boy, expecting some sort of response. He stayed quiet, his eyes fixed on the earth below him. Although, he did curl up more, keeping his knees close to his chest, almost defensively. "Uh...Are you lonely? Is it okay if I sit with you?" The boy then looked up at me with eyes that seemed to question what I said. "W-why...?" He stammered nervously. "You could go play with the other kids. Why sit with me?" I rubbed my arm nervously, keeping my eyes to the ground. "W-well, you looked like you could use some company. You looked really sad, being by yourself. So I thought...". I paused. If he didn't want me here, I could just leave. I could have walked away and tried making friends with someone else. That's what I considered, anyway. "You can sit if you'd like to ". He said, once again averting his eyes. "A-alright. Thank you". I sat down under the cool shade, right next to the boy. "Um, I'm Kensuke Kurosaki. You can just call me Kurosaki, if you'd like". The boy still seemed sheepish. But he replied, regardless. " I-I'm Yuuya Kizami...". I smiled. Kizami-san it was, then. 

From until we had to go back to class, Kizami-san and I sat together underneath the tree. I tried making conversation and Kizami just replied with short answers. Even so, I was happy to talk to him. He was nice. My mother always told me to look at people in a kind perspective. Even though Kizami-san was shy, I could see that he was gentle. That first meeting was what started our friendship. As a kid, I wanted good memories with Kizami. I wanted to get to know him better. Back then, I never thought about where our friendship would lead us. For now, I focused on getting to know my new acquaintance and to have fun with him. I thought about these things while staring up at the beautiful cherry blossoms in full bloom.


	2. His Foolish Smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, the story moves onto when Kizami and Kurosaki are in elementary school. If anyone has seen Corpse Party Book of Shadows then you will be familiar with a certain flashback that Kizami has in chapter 6. This kind of goes into that - but I'm going to put in some extra stuff.  
> Also, I'm going to be switching POV's each chapter. Just saying.  
> Enjoy! 
> 
> I don't own Corpse Party or any of the characters.

Kizami's POV 

Crimson red. That was the first thing I saw as I looked at my trembling hands. It was a shade of red that I was all too familiar with. And I couldn't help but stare...and smile. I knew that the teachers who had just burst into the room were watching, but I just couldn't help myself. The other child in front of me was crouched down, holding his bloody arm and trembling in fear. What's with that look? I started laughing. His expression was too funny. I opened and closed the blades of the scissors in my hand. They felt a bit stiff from the blood. I looked towards the school staff that had gathered, along with several students. A few of the teacher's were already telling them to stay back, and to not look. One brave bastard even approached the boy whom I had stabbed, quickly helping him up and taking him out of the room. And I just stood there, almost in a trance. I had never stabbed a human being before. Until now, at least. The principal approached me slowly, offering to take the scissors away from me. What would happen then? Would they throw me into an institution or worse? At that age, I had quite a vast imagination for such consequences. I just stood there, the foul stench of dry blood filling my nose. Instead of giving my weapon to the principal, I dropped them on the ground lifelessly. My smile vanished.

Due to the incedent, I had to sit outside of the principals office while she spoke to my mother. I heard her protesting. Saying things like; "That's impossible", or "My boy would never do that". Even my parents didn't have a clue about my true self. How I acted by myself. Adults are so stupid. I smiled at that thought. Eventually, my mother walked out of the room, and said nothing to me. Not a word. She walked on with a pained grim look on her face. "Hey, I'm right here". She ignored me, walking on. What the hell? "Hey, mom, I'm here. Aren't you going to yell at me?" I was being ignored. I moved quickly to catch up with her. "What the hell are you-wahh!" Suddenly, she turned around and swiftly slapped me, right in the face. It...hurt. "Wha-...Why...?" "Don't you dare...". She began. "Don't you dare speak to me. And don't call me your mother anymore, you...monster". She looked like she was on the verge of tears. Without another cold word to me, my mother walked away once more, never turning her back. What...What the hell just happened? Was I just...disowned?

I didn't go home for a while. I hung around the local park in my neighbourhood, alone. Sitting on one of the swings, I slowly rocked back and forth, thinking about my mothers words and the harsh tone in her voice. She had never been so cold towards me before. If I did something that they considered bad, she would just scold me and make me apologise. But this time...It was like she had given up on me without a second thought. Like I cared. Why did I have to care about something so stupid? "Kizami? What are you doing?" That voice...It was Kurosaki. Not now...I stood up from the swing to face him I couldn't afford to look weak, especially in front of a sap like him. "What about you? Why are you out at this time?" Then I noticed the shopping bag in Kurosaki's hand. He presented it. "My mom asked me to pick up some things at the convenience store. You next". "..." . I remained quiet. I didn't have to tell him about my problems. "Kizami...I heard what happened. Are you-?" "I'm fine!" I snapped at him. I saw how it was. I didn't need his pity. Or maybe..."Heh, I bet you're afraid of me, too. Everyone else is". Kurosaki looked suprised when I said that. "No, I'm not afraid of you". Huh? "We're best friends. Best friends stick together ". "Are you an idiot? I could end up hurting you, too, y'know". Kurosaki's goofy smile appeared. Ugh...it made me cringe. "No you won't, because I know that Kizami is really kind, deep down". He really was an absolute idiot. Staying around me would only end badly. He knew what I was like - hell, he saw it with his own two eyes. Yet, why was he acting like a moron? "I won't leave you all alone, Kizami. I'll stand by you". "Haah?!" Kurosaki came closer, holding out his pinky finger. "What the hell are you doing?" "A pinky swear". "I know what that is, dumbass. I'm asking why you're doing it". "We have to promise to be together forever". What a childish promise. I rolled my eyes. It didn't really mean anything. I chose to humour him, sighing. Bringing out my pinky finger, Kurosaki locked them. "Don't worry, Kizami, I'll make sure that you don't feel lonely". I quickly retracted my finger, shoving my hands into my pockets and walking on ahead. "Let's go so that you aren't late coming home". "Haha, see? I knew you were kind". "Shut up...". Why the hell was my face warming up? As if I could let that dork see me like that. 

The streets were quiet. Kurosaki walked right beside me with a stupid smile on his face. "Hey, Kizami?" "Yeah, what is it?" Kurosaki's cheeks turned a slight pink. What the fuck? "Um, would you like to hold hands?" Huh? HUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!! "Wh-what the hell is wrong with you?! We're in public! A-and we're both boys! That's weird!" "I don't see the problem with it". "That's because you're weird!" Kurosaki didn't argue back. Instead he took hold of my hand, practically dragging me with him. "H-hey! Cut it out! Someone might see!" "No they won't. The street is empty. Besides, I want to hold hands with you". "Uh, why?" "I...I don't know, really". "If you don't have a clue then let go!" "No way". I was going to kill this idiot! "Hahaha. Hey, Kizami, you're face is red. I'm gonna treasure this moment forever". "Forget about it right now! And let go of my hand already! Kurosakiiiìi!" As I protested, Kurosaki laughed it off. I swore that I would get him back for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done! In this chapter, I believe that I portrayed Kizami as a bit of a tsundere, and Kurosaki as an anime Butters, from South Park. For now, I'll continue to write about different scenarios in their childhood that are quite happy for the most part, and some serious moments mixed in. When it comes to later chapters, that will switch in order to begin a major 'feels-trip'. That's all for now. Thank you for reading and I will return for the next chapter. Hopefully I can come up with something good. Welp, see you then. Bye.


	3. His Hidden Kindness

Kurosaki's POV 

It was summer, and the beginning of the rain season. That meant nothing but downpour until a certain point of the month. Kizami had been going out more, despite the gloomy weather. I was worried. Ever since that night he had not said a word to me when I asked what happened. Not a word. As his best friend, I would have the position of listening to him when he needed it most. Even though Kizami keeps to himself, I would want him to open up to me, at least. 

I stared out of the lounge window. The sky was painted a dark grey and the rest of the world was fogged over by the rain. Looking out, I could spot the figure of my best friend wandering down the street without an umbrella. I couldn't read his expression very well but I could guess. Maybe even find out for myself. Dad was at work and mom was preparing lunch in the kitchen. I could catch up to him. This was the last straw. I hurried to the front entrance for my rain boots and coat. Just then my mother came out from the kitchen, drying her hands with a cloth. "Kensuke? You shouldn't go out into the rain, you'll freeze. Now please come back to help set the table. Lunch will be ready soon". "Sorry, mom. This will take a few moments. I'll be right back, I promise ". My mother sighed. "What do you need to go outside for? You can tell me, sweetheart". What other choice did I have? At that age I would hate to lie to my parents if it wasn't that big of a deal - even though this was kinda important to me. "I saw Kizami walk by, alone. He didn't have an umbrella so I thought that I could give him our spare". It wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie, either. "Yuuya? What could he be doing out? Could it be...?" My mom didn't finish her sentence. She looked a little worried. "Mom...?" I tried to get her attention. She snapped out of her train of thought and smiled at me. "Kensuke, why not invite Yuuya for lunch? I'm sure he would appreciate that". "Really? Okay. I'll be right back". Without another word, I left the house to run after Kizami, wherever he had gone. I rushed out so quickly that I forgot to take an umbrella with me. I didn't really think about what mom said at the time. I was a naive kid, afterall. And all I wanted to concentrate on was to get Kizami to talk to me about his troubles instead of bottling it up. When I did catch up to him, he was sitting at the local shrine, underneath one of the wooden overhangs. His head was lowered and his hair was soaked. His cheeks were red from the cold. Seeing him made me shiver, as a reminder of the cold rain. I approached him without hesitation. But I didn't call to him. I didn't say a word until I was standing right in front of him. At first glance, he didn't appear to have noticed me. However, I had been friends with him long enough to be able to tell when he's oblivious to something or just shying away. I could name several occasions that involved girls from school and with...me for being a loving friend. And believe me, he always looked puzzled when it involved a girl from school. 

Instead of saying anything to him straight away, I clasped my hands together for the shrine. "Thank you for sheltering us". That was all I had to say before sitting next to Kizami on the stone porch of the shrine. "You forgot your umbrella". I wasn't sure what else to say. That would have to do. Kizami raised his head from his crossed arms. Under his eyes showed a clear red. My eyes widened. "H-have you been crying?". "Shut up". He spoke in a cold voice, wiping his eyes. "As if I could ever cry. Sheesh. I put teabags over my eyes". "Why would you do that?" "I dunno". He wasn't very convincing, that was for sure. Still, I felt sympathy for Kizami. Though, he would probably get mad at me if I told him that. "Hey, Kizami?". "Yeah? What's up?" I hesitated to ask. If it was Kizami's private buisness, would it be okay to ask about it? No, I couldn't turn back now. True friends help eachother out. "Kizami, what exactly happened that day? You know, when you...to Hyodo-kun...". I couldn't say it directly. Just thinking about it made my hands shaky. But if that incedent was the reason why Kizami was being so distant then maybe he just needed someone to talk to. That's what family and friends are for, right? 

Kizami sighed deeply. He didn't look at me while he answered my question. "That day, I stabbed Saito Hyodo with a pair of scissors during lunch period. Whatever you've heard is true. I didn't kill him but he's still in hospital. The principal kept me back from going home that night to discuss what happened with my mom. After that...". Kizami stopped speaking. I thought that he might start crying. He didn't. His face remained emotionless. His expression was empty. "My parents haven't spoken to or even looked at me since then. I think that they're embarrassed to have me for a son. I think...they don't want me to be their son anymore. They've made that clear by shunning me for a whole week. I thought that things would go back to normal but...I have so many doubts about that, now. Childish, really". Hearing Kizami talk about his parents like that hurt me a little. On Kizami's face there was nothing. No sadness, no regret for his actions, no tears. If he really didn't feel the pain of losing the attention of his parents, then I might as well feel it for him. 

I wanted to comfort Kizami. To make him feel better. Afterall, I was happy that he opened up to me. Scooting closer, I rubbed circles into Kizami's back. I wasn't sure how he would react. Then he gave me a weird look. He opened his mouth, then quickly closed it as if the words on the tip of his tongue were swallowed. I thought for a moment that he was going to say something like 'what the hell are you doing?', in an angry voice. But, no. Instead he spoke softly. "You are so strange. I don't get it at all". "It's called being kind to a good friend". "Is that so?" A chilling breeze past by, causing me to tremble and sneeze. Kizami let out another sigh. Then he did something that I wouldn't have expected in a million years. Not to make Kizami look bad by saying that. He unwrapped the scarf around his neck, wrapping it around my neck comfortably. "Here. This should help". "B-but, won't you be cold?" Kizami smirked. "I don't need it as much as you do. I'm going to grow up big and strong so that I can pay you back someday". "Pay me back for what?" Kizami's smile softened in the next instant. "...For listening to me. Thank you...". My face warmed up for some reason. Kizami's words were so gentle and kind. I smiled. "Any time, Kizami ". For a moment, we just sat in silence, taking in the patter of the rain. 

My stomach grumbled. "Heh, figures". Kizami began. "It' be best if you went home. I'll be okay if...". Oh, yeah! That reminded me. "Kizami, you can come over to my place for lunch". "What?" "It's okay. Mom has a habit of making too much food anyway, so it should be alright". Kizami frowned. "No thanks. I'll be fine without it". Just then Kizami's stomach grumbled. Heehee, what a cute sound. He puffed out his cheeks. "F-fine. I'll come. Whatever. Thanks, I guess". I grinned at the clear victory. I stood up. "Well, come on. It should be ready by now". "U-uh...Sure". Kizami followed close behind with his hands stuffed into his pockets and a grumpy look on his face. I rolled my eyes. Of course his gentle demeanour wouldn't last. Looking on ahead I noticed. "Huh, the rain got lighter". "What was that?" "O-oh, nothing". I retracted my statement, smiling as we walked back to my house.


	4. His Family is Unlike Mine

Kizami's POV 

"We're back". Kurosaki announced once we entered his home. I slipped off my shoes and removed my coat. Kurosaki's mom came out from the kitchen with her usual friendly smile on her face. "There you are. I was beginning to worry. Hello there, Yuuya". "Good afternoon". "Polite as always. I suppose that Kensuke invited you for lunch?" "Y-yeah...". "That's good. Now, the both of you, go get a towel to dry off so you don't catch a cold. After that, Kensuke, you can help set the table. Yuuya, you can just make yourself comfortable, okay?" Kurosaki nodded in response to his mother's request, going on ahead to the downstairs bathroom for towels. I predicted that Kurosaki's mom already knew about what happened with me and my parents. She was just being attentive or...giving me sympathy. I didn't need that, of all things. Kurosaki came back with two towels, passing one over to me. "Thanks...". "No problem. I'm gonna go help mom out. Come on in". I walked behind Kurosaki as he rushed to the kitchen. "Is there anything that I can help with?" Might as well since I didn't want to sit around the whole time. "If you'd like, you could help Kensuke set the table". "'Kay...". I picked up a share of plates and bowls and set them neatly on the table. "Alright, lunch is ready". The nice fragrance of home-cooked food filled the kitchen. Kurosaki sat next to me while his mom sat at the opposite end.

I couldn't help but feel somewhat out of place. Kurosaki had a nice, happy family. At the moment, it felt like I wasn't even a part of my own family. "How is it?" "It's good, mom". "Yeah. It's really good". "I'm glad to hear it. So, Yuuya, if you want you could stay here tonight". "Wh-what? I...". "It's been a while since you last stayed and we're happy to have you here". Kurosaki looked just as confused as I was until he gave a smile. "Yeah. Why not? Come on, Kizami. It'll be fun". "But I don't have anything with me and my parents won't know where I am". As if they care. "Nonsense. You can borrow some of Kensuke's clothes and we still have that spare toothbrush from when you forgot yours last time". "But...". "I can call your parents and tell them that you are staying here tonight. Don't worry about it". I couldn't really protest. It was a kind offer. That and I actually didn't want to go back home. What other choice did I have but to say yes? "A-alright. Thank you, again". "It's no trouble". 

After lunch, Kurosaki's mom picked up the house phone to call my parents. I waited close by to hear them say that they didn't care. "Hello...? Oh, hi, Haruna". Haruna?! My big sister, Haruna? "So your parents aren't home at the moment? Well, okay. I was just calling to say that your little brother is staying here for the night. Is that okay?...Okay...Yes...Alright, hold on, please". Kurosaki's mom turned to me with the phone in hand. "She wants to speak with you". "Do I have to?" She nodded. I sighed, taking the phone while Kurosaki's mom left for the next room. I answered. "Hello, Haruna. What do you want?" [How rude of you, though I'm not surprised. Anyway, you can stay over at Kurosaki's - I have no problems with that. But you and I have to have a serious talk about mom and dad when you come back]. "I don't think so". [Well, I do. Yuuya, this is serious. You can't keep avoiding me. Kouki is worried about you, too]. Like I gave a damn about what my idiot of a big brother thought. He would probably get angry at me and hit me, like last time. "I don't care. Neither of you care about me. So stop pretending to do so". [Are you an idiot? How many times do I have to tell you? We all love you, Yuuya. It may not seem like it after such events, but mom and dad love you, too]. Yeah, right. They won't even look at me, so why would they still love me? Haruna sighed over the phone. [Listen, Kouki and I have told you before, you'll understand these things when you're older. Right now, you're still a kid. But one day you'll understand what that feeling is when you start a family. Even if it's just someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with]. "'Haah?" Me, start a family? That sounds so crazy that it's not even funny. "Whatever. I would rather be alone than have a family. And as if I could ever fall in love with someone. Are you stupid?" [...]. "....?" [ I have to go, Yuuya. We can talk when you come back. Well, good-bye]. She hung up. What was all that about? I thought that she would put up more of a fight. What a joke.

I put down the phone and sighed. If I were to say something like that, does that mean there's no hope for me? I turned to see Kurosaki standing behind me. How much did he hear? "Uh, hey, Kizami, do you wanna go play now?" "Y-yeah, sure". "Okay. Let's go to my room, then". I followed Kurosaki upstairs. Even if he did hear, why would he care? There's no way that he would care about what I said. It's none of his business, anyway.

Kurosaki and I played video games until the evening rolled in. Neither of us mentioned the conversation that I had with my sister over the phone. Kurosaki talked about usual things and nothing else. It seemed like that's how the whole evening was going to play out. "Kizami,". "Yeah...?" "I...I think that you would have a nice family when you're older". There it was. I should have expected it, as Kurosaki has a habit of being attentive and bringing up anything that would involve talking about other peoples problems. "I don't know what you're talking about". "Yes, you do". Damn him. First at the shrine and now this. "Listen, I don't care what you heard, but stay out of it. This doesn't concern you. It may have been okay to tell you about the incedent at school - but not this. This is different'". "No it's not". "Don't back talk!". I snapped at Kurosaki, unintentionally. "What would you know?! You have a happy family! You have a future in this world! I don't! I can't have a family or a good life because of the way I am. Don't you understand that?!". I felt weak. To lose my composure like that in front of Kurosaki. I wanted to disappear. Everything went silent.

I wanted to cry but any tears that I had dried up long ago. Kurosaki came closer towards me, cautiously almost. He wrapped his arms around me. "I'm...I'm sorry, Kizami". "What are you apologising for, idiot?" "I shouldn't have said anything if you really didn't want me to. But I can't help it". "...!" I froze. What is he trying to say now? "We made a promise, remember? I'll never leave Kizami all alone. If that's the case, then I'll be your family". There was nothing I could say. Any word - No. Any sound that was on the tip of my tongue had turned into dead silence. Was he gonna start crying. "If you ever want to cry again, you can lean on me and cry as much as you want". I snapped out of my silence. "Stupid. I told you, I put teabags over my eyes". "Hehe, you don't have to act tough forever. If I'm the only one around, you can cry and say how things are unfair and annoying. I don't mind". Now he was making me sound like a pre-schooler. My face warmed up. Is this really what it means to have a best friend? This was becoming too much for me. I gently pushed Kurosaki away, while trying to hide my blush. "S-sure. I'll keep that in mind. Thank you, I mean it". Kurosaki smiled, placing his hand on my hair and petting it. That's it...I slapped his hand away. "Don't do that! I'm older than you, y'know - so don't treat me like a child!" "Yeah, yeah, I know. Sorry". How could he smile like that? Kurosaki laughed off my arguments. "Kizami, you're such a tsundere". "Haah?! What part of me is the 'dere' in that, huh?!" "Whenever you blush". "Like hell it is!" Kurosaki continued to laugh. Somehow, it felt nice to see him smile like that. Kurosaki was always kind. He never picked faults with people that he was close to. Not even me. He was, in other words, an idiot.

That night, after Kurosaki's dad came home and after dinner, Kurosaki and I got ready for bed. There was no school the next day so we could sleep in, until told otherwise by Kurosaki's mom. I slipped into Kurosaki's bed beside him, since he didn't have an extra futon to spare. There was also the guest room, which unfortunately was being decorated at the moment. So I had no other choice but to share with Kurosaki. I didn't really care. We shared a bed the last time that I stayed over. I rested my head on the pillow, more than ready for sleep. "Hey, Kizami?" "Hn...Yeah?" "Can I...? Be your family, I mean". "Why would you do that for me?" "That's because...I...I love you, Kizami". "H-huuuuuh?!" I was brought out of my sleepy state. Kurosaki looked more embarrassed than I did. "Wha-...N-no! Not that way! I love you as my best friend, that's all, I swear!" "It's still weird if you say it like that! I-I don't want to discuss it anymore! Let's just drop it!" "R-right! Goodnight". "Goodnight". We both turned in the opposite direction of eachother to lie down. I hid myself under the covers before I died of embarrassment. Still, even though I put on a show of telling Kurosaki just how much of an idiot he was for saying something like that to a boy, I...didn't hate it. It was still embarrassing and lame but...why didn't I hate it? Whatever! I could never say that to his face. Ever. And I would never say something like 'I love you'. Not ever!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, done. I'm enjoying writing this. I just hope that people are enjoying reading this. Overall, I think that I'm doing okay. I...think. (Self doubt activated). Seriously, though. I write these stories because it's fun. A story isn't a story unless it's fun for the writer to create. And I'm grateful for the people that give these stories a chance and read them. You guys are the best. Thank you.  
> Well, I'm going to take a break and then come back and probably add a chapter to 'Kizami's Misery'. I look forward to continuing that story just as much as this one. Thanks again. Bye.


	5. He is My Best Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back to continue this story, finally. I have a habit of writing a few stories without getting them finished because I'm working on others. Once I get a good idea in my head, it sort of piles up. Anyway, I'm gonna start this thing.

Kurosaki's POV 

I stood outside of Kizami's house, shivering from the cold air of autumn. Autumn already, huh? Everyone, by now, wore heavier coats and scarves. I heard Kizami's front door close, making me turn swiftly. He and his older siblings walked down the porch and towards me. Kizami was so small compared to his big brother. I wondered if Kizami would be just as tall when he reached highschool. Kizami's siblings always walked with us since the highschool was near our elementary school. "Alright, Yuuya, behave today. Do you understand?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever". "Yuuya, listen to your sister". Kizami looked away from his big brother with a frown. "Hey, Kurosaki. Good morning". Kouki, Kizami's brother, greeted me with a smile. He was definitely less scary than Haruna. "Ah, good morning". Kizami walked past me, without his siblings. "Hey, Kurosaki, let's go already". "Uh...". "Yuuya...!" Haruna yelled, scaring me enough to rush to Kizami's side.

Kizami walked on ahead with me beside him. His brother and sister were a little behind, talking about their own thing, I suppose. I couldn't hear them but, by their faces, it looked serious. "Hey, Kurosaki, did you know that everyone in my class is afraid of me?" "Wha-what? Is it because of-". "Yeah. They were talking about moving me into your class so that I'm with someone that I'm more comfortable with". I was pretty happy that Kizami would move into my class. But I didn't like to hear that the reason was because people were afraid of him. I wished that they would understand that Kizami could be really kind and gentle in the right situation. "Pfft, I wouldn't be suprised if even the teacher's were afraid of me". I signed. This situation was not the right situation for Kizami to act kind and gentle. Haruna and Kouki said their goodbyes along the road, by our school. Kizami pretended to pay attention as they reminded him to behave. He just rolled his eyes and feigned concentration. Kizami and I walked through the halls, on the way to class. On the way, heads turned and all eyes were on us. Why? I felt a heavy sense of worry come over me as people stopped and stared. "Ki-Kizami...". I grabbed hold of Kizami's sleeve. "What is it? What's wrong?" "I-it's making me nervous...The staring...". Kizami looked angry in the next minute. He stopped walking. "Hey! What the hell are you all looking at?!" As soon as Kizami said those words, everyone turned away from us. "Better...?" "Y-yeah, thanks". "Good. Let's get to class". Was Kizami being...considerate of me? He was so serious about it too. Normally when I was nervous he would tell me to grow up. But this time, instead of speaking to me, he yelled at the thing that was causing me to be nervous. "Why the hell are you smiling? It's weird". "N-nothing. It's nothing at all". 

"Alright, class, before class begins I have an announcement. Due to certain circumstances, Yuuya Kizami will be joining our class for the rest of the year". Everyone in my class had mixed reactions of displeasure when the teacher announced that Kizami would be joining the class. Kizami didn't say anything. He simply sat next to me without a word. "Sensei, why do we have to have a psycho in our class?" "That's enough, Ryouta. Yuuya is your classmate. We must all treat him equally. Now, let's drop the subject and move on with class". I looked over to where Kita-kun sat. Ryouta Kita. He was considered a bit of a bully by other students, and he was friends with Hyodo-kun, the kid that Kizami put in hospital. There was no doubt that Kita-kun would hate Kizami for hurting his best friend. My eyes went down towards Kizami. He had his gaze focused on the front of the classroom. What was he thinking? "Kurosaki," He whispered. "Y-yeah?" "We're...best friends, right?" "Well, of course we are. Why are you asking all of a sudden?" Kizami frowned. "I...I read that friends do whatever they can for eachother. Isn't that right?" What was he trying to say? "Yes. Um, Kizami, is there something that you need?" He shook his head. "No...It's nothing that I need. Listen, Kurosaki, after school today, don't wait for me. Just leave". "What? Why?" Kizami sighed. "It's nothing that you need to get involved in. Just do as I ask and leave school without me". "But, Kizami-". "Please...". I had never heard Kizami say please in such a serious way. Something was definitely up. "Kizami, please tell me what's wrong. I can help out". "I don't want you to help, idiot". Kizami's words hurt a bit. They were so cold but, at the same time, they sounded sincere. They sounded like he cared. He didn't want me to know why he was saying these things for a good reason. But...I didn't know what that reason was. Until after school. 

The rain had come on again. I saw the shower outside as I stood by the shoe lockers with my bag. Looking around, the hallways had emptied. Kizami wasn't coming. He really wasn't. I grew worried. Where could he have gone? I didn't see him go down the only hallway that lead to the front entrance. As much as I didn't want to, I left the building for the rain outside. I walked just a few steps before I made an encounter. My legs stopped on their own as I was faced with a small group of boys, blocking the school gates. One of them...was Kita-kun. I had a momentary stir in the pit of my stomach, telling me that something wasn't right. With a grin, Kita-kun approached me. I took a step back nervously. "Hey, Kurosaki-chan. Where is he?" Was he talking about...Kizami? "Wh-who...?" I pretended that I didn't know who he was talking about, my voice trembling. "Tch. Liar. Where is he? Hah...Don't tell me that he's using you to get away. Pathetic". No, Kizami wouldn't do that. He wouldn't leave me to the bullies while he left. No way..."He said to meet him here so that I could kick his ass for Hyodo. Well, he threatened to take all of us down too. Guess he's not so tough afterall". "You're wrong!" I cried out. "Shut up!" Kita-kun pushed me down into the mud. It hurt..."Why are you defending him, you wimp?! Can't you see that he used you so that he could get away? Or are you stupid like Kizami? He probably thinks that we won't get him tomorrow. That idiot has another thing comin'". No, you're wrong. "No...Kizami wouldn't...he wouldn't...uu...". I felt tears well up in my eyes. "Haah?" "Kizami is...my best friend. He's the greatest friend that I have. He...He...". My voice was cracking from the tears. I chose to trust Kizami. "We made a promise...I promised that I would never leave him alone...and that we would always be together". "Psh, what is he, you're boyfriend? Moron...I guess we'll have to beat you up for now. I'm bored of listening to your crap". All three approached me with their fists at the ready. I squeezed my eyes shut. "Ki-Kizami...". 

"Hey...!" And then I heard it. A voice that echoed in both the playground and in my head. "You assholes better not lay a finger on him. I'm right here". Kizami! I turned my head towards the voice of my best friend. He was right there. "'Bout time. We thought that you ditched Kurosaki-chan so you could run". "Shows just how arrogant you are, Ryouta". "Shut up! Where were you? You arranged this - so why are you late?!" Kizami looked down at me. "Idiot. I told you to leave without me, not to wait". "Ki-Kizami, I...". "Save it for now. And don't cry. I'm here now, aren't I?" "B-but, Kizami, there's three of them! How are you going to fight them all? Let's just run". "No. I've avoided my parents, my siblings, even you at some points. I'm not running from this though. These guys will chase me all year long if I run. I'll be fine. Don't worry". Kita-kun wore a bored expression. Bored and irritated. "That's enough talking! Are you gonna fight us or what?!" "Yeah, I am". Kizami approached them with a confident smirk. "Kizami, no!" He ignored me. In a flash, the fight had begun. Kizami began throwing punches at each of them the best he could. I watched as they threw punches as well. I had to stop them. I tried to stand, but immediately slipped on the mud and collapsed without managing to get up a little bit. In a sudden instant, Kizami was pushed into the mud beside me. He was beat up and panting heavily. "Kizami...". "Haha...Loser! We win. So, what does the psychopath have to say for himself?" Kizami, with his sleave, wiped a trickle of blood from his nose. "Hm...haha...hahahaha". He started...laughing? "You think that you've won? I'm still alive, aren't I?" "Wh-what...?" "For you to win, you have to stab me. Last man standing, that's what I said. I believe that the key to revenge is repetition. Perform the same actions to your enemy as they did to your allay, and stick it right in their face". Kizami spoke like a strategist of war. Strong and confident words flew naturally from his mouth like it was his own breath. "And frankly," He stood up, his back covered in mud. "In this world, it's kill or be killed. Be pushed down, or be the one to do the pushing". Kizami reached into his coat pocket for something. A red thing. It's plastic glimmered among the dark environment. I heard a small click, then several sharp ones that followed. Kizami tilted his head to the side, holding the object by his side. "Wh-what's that?!" Kita-kun and his friends looked terrified of Kizami now. Their confidence shattered in a matter of minutes. "This...is a box cutter. It's a toy I use to cut open my animals. Isn't it pretty? Did you know that people who kill animals at a young age are destined to become serial killers? I suppose that, after this, I'll be on the right track into becoming one. Right, guys?"

I couldn't believe Kizami's words. They were so strong and flawless. Although they sounded dark and harsh, I was envious of his strength. Kita-kun didn't say a word. He stared at Kizami with fearful eyes, whimpering. He took off in a mad dash, his friends following close behind witn their tails between their legs. It was like watching something out of a cartoon. Kizami turned towards me. He looked like his usual self. "You okay, Kurosaki?" I snapped back into reality. "U-uu, yeah, I'm okay". Kizami sighed heavily. He reached his hand out for me to grab. "Let's go to my house to clean up. Both of my siblings have club so no one will be there but you and me". I accepted his hand, biting my tongue so that I didn't ask about his parents. "Kizami, tha-...". "You don't have to say it. I should have arrived earlier so that you didn't get hurt. I'm sorry". I didn't care for an apology. I didn't need one. I lept for Kizami, wrapping my arms around him despite the mud on our clothes. My eyes stung. More tears? "I'm just happy that you're okay! I never doubted you for a second!" "Hm...I knew you wouldn't. That's very like you, Kurosaki". I pulled away, wiping my eyes. "Dummy, I said don't cry". "Haha...". Kizami ruffled my hair. What was this? Kizami was acting like a whole different person again. "We should go, before we both freeze". I nodded. "Yeah...okay". 

We walked back to Kizami's house after the train ride in silence. A few people stared at us because of our muddy clothes and Kizami's beat up state. Anyone would think that we fought eachother. The rain had stopped once we started walking again. Kizami seemed to be deep in thought. I couldn't possibly ask. He was thinking about something that worried him. I could tell but I couldn't ask about it. Upon entering his house, Kizami didn't announce his arrival. The door was locked so...it really was empty. Kizami stuffed his spare key into his pocket, sighing. "Right. We should clean up, you can call your mom and tell her to pick you up. She's working today, isn't she?" "Yeah, I'll ask her to pick me up when she can, if that's okay". "Sure. I don't mind. Call her whenever". Kizami removed his shoes and coat. "Here, give me your coat. I'll leave it the laundry basket, okay?" "Okay, thank you". I did as he asked. Kizami then gestured for me to follow him after removing my shoes. My clothes were a bit messy. My arms and legs too. Kizami went to his bathroom, where his laundry basket was, and came back in a minute. "Um, since our clothes are dirty, you can use some of mine. Uh, also...". Kizami's cheeks reddened. He wasn't suggesting that we...? "Kizami, should we take a bath?" "Not together! No way am I doing that!" "I never mentioned sharing one. But...it could make it a lot easier so that neither of us catch a cold". "U-...ugo...". "Ugo...?" Kizami looked like he regretted saying anything. I held in a laugh, taking hold of his hand. "Wha-...?!" "It's okay. We're best friends. Just think of me as your brother. You used to bathe with your siblings, didn't you?" Kizami's face reddened even more. "Uh...Kizami?" "Wh-what?! That's weird! Don't bring up traumatic memories of my siblings bathing me, together!" "Together? Aww, all three of you? That's so cute". "Sh-s-shh-shut up, baka (stupid)!!" It was good to see Kizami as his old self, in a strange way. Seeing him make a fuss about the embarrassing stuff that I say relaxed my heart. "Why are you smiling?!" "No reason. Come on, let's go. You can call me onii-chan, if that helps". "Like hell I will! As if I would ever call my asshole brother 'onii-chan'. What do you take me for?! Hey, let go! We can just go one at a time! Kurosakiiiii~!" I giggled to myself upon hearing Kizami cry out in embarrassment. This moment made me want to never let go of his warm hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah! Badass, tsundere Kizami to the rescue! I enjoyed writing this chapter. It was a good chapter . I like to think that Kizami would stick for Kurosaki. Like a big, psycho brother. Well, thank you for reading and thank you to the two people who put a Kudo's on this work. I appreciate the support, a lot. Like, A LOT. Thanks again, bye.


	6. His Friendship Is All I Have

Kizami's POV 

I took out two drinks from the fridge while Kurosaki sat upstairs, waiting. We ended up cleaning up separately since I insisted that we do so. I would never share a bath with anyone for the rest of my life. Having to share one with my siblings was enough. I was a little brat then. Things are different. I won't be a kid forever. I know when to grow up. For now I can talk back to my siblings until they move out and do whatever they want, without me in their lives. When I was old enough I planned to move out, go to university and get a job. I won't have a family when that happens. It was for the best anyway but...Kurosaki said that he would be my family. He said that we would always be together...Tch, as if. I was old enough to know that friends don't last forever. Of course they don't...

I entered my bedroom to see Kurosaki going through one of my books. "I'm back". I said, closing the door. "Oh, hey. Do you remember this?" Kurosaki presented the cover of the book with a smile. The book was an old children's book that I used to read when I was younger. "Yeah, I remember. Why are you reading that old thing?" "It's...What's that word? Umm...". "Nostalgic...?" "Yeah, that's it! You're really smart, Kizami". "I read a lot of books. Reading stimulates your brain". "Hm...I'll keep that in mind". I sat down next to him on my bed, handing him his soft drink. "Thank you". "No problem". "I'm not just talking about the drink, y'know". Kurosaki's remark made me turn my head to him. Was he still going on about earlier? "Kurosaki, I heard you the first time. You don't have to thank me again". "But I owe you a lot. Kita-kun looked really scared, didn't he?" "Yep. Shitting himself". I took a casual sip from my drink after I casually said the word 'shitting'. "Do you have to say that?" "What, shit?" "Yeah. You shouldn't swear so much. It's rude". I rolled my eyes. Kurosaki, the boy with the heart of gold. "You'll start soon enough. When you're an adult, swearing is like breathing. It can come naturally in any conversation. They don't care". Kurosaki looked down. "Will I start using words like that?" "You don't have to. Swearing is just a way to express how you feel in an...extreme way". "I see...". "You seem like the type of kid that says a curse word quietly to himself and then giggles". Kurosaki scratched the nape of his neck. "Really...? I'll start swearing one day, but not now. My parents would get me in trouble". "That's your choice". 

We talked about various and trivial things until Kurosaki's mom would arrive to pick him up. It wasn't anything special. Kurosaki mostly talked about his future while I listened. "I hope that I can get married one day, and have kids". "How many?" "Hmm...maybe two or three". "Pfft, this is such girl-talk". "I dunno. I like talking about these things with you". Why? It was kinda boring. Although, listening to Kurosaki go on about his dream job and his dream family made for nice company. All I ever hear at the dinner table is how Haruna got an A+ in a test or how Kouki was requested for a few universities. A shit ton of crap, if you ask me. Listening to Kurosaki dream and imagine was a nice escape from the reality of my sibling's successes. "What about you, Kizami? How many kids are you gonna have?" "None". It was a straight and honest answer. Kids would only be a hassle. "Huh? But I think that you would make a great dad. You're a little weird, but strong and caring". I'm weird? Says who? I'll kick their ass. "Thanks, but kids aren't for me. I'd rather be alone". "You wouldn't even get married?" "Nope...". Kurosaki fell silent. He then took hold of my hand. The hell?! "Then...I would marry you, if I could". I choked on my drink, coughing. "Wh-what?! Are you crazy?! We're both-". "I understand that. I know that we're both boys! But, tell me, why can't two boys be together? Tell me!" Kurosaki was dead serious on asking me. I had never seen him that way before. I stammered, lost for words. "W-well...Um...I-...Uhh...". Kurosaki's face was very close to mine. What could I say? "Please, Kizami. Give me one good reason why you wouldn't be able to marry me". Was this turning into a proposal?! 

I took a deep breath. Here was my answer. "Kurosaki, did you know that most marriages end in divorce?" "That's your reason? Tha-". "No, it's not. Please let me finish". I couldn't look at Kurosaki in the eye for this. Saying it out loud seemed like a bad idea but I had to be honest. "Kurosaki, I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. It may hurt, but I have to be honest with you.The reason that I would never ever marry you is because...your friendship is all I have left". I actually said it. Although it may have hurt my pride, I still...said it. "Kurosaki, it may seem hard to see at times, but I really treasure our friendship. Without you, I would be all alone. I have my flaws, and those flaws are the very reason why my parents won't talk to me, why my siblings hit me and why everyone in our class is afraid of me. But you're not like that. You stood by me through all of that. I'm...glad to have you as a friend - and I don't want to lose that. You understand?" Kurosaki was silent. I raised my head to look at him. He looked...saddened by my words. Why? And then... 

"Kizami...you...you really mean it?" "Yeah...". I wasn't lying. This was the most honesty I had spoken in a long time. Kurosaki let go of my hand. As soon as he did, it was quickly replaced by a hug. I didn't hug back, I just accepted his gesture. "I'm glad, too. Even if we can't marry or anything, I'm also happy to have you as a friend, Kizami. My best friend". "Yeah, I know". Kurosaki pulled away from the hug. Was he going to cry again? I tassled his hair gently. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine. I won't cry". "You won't?" Kurosaki shook his head. "Nope. I'm going to become strong, like you. I won't cry and I'll fight back. I promise". "Well, okay. I'll support you". At the time, I humoured Kurosaki. His words sounded childish but heroic. I was also planning on becoming stronger. With my grades as they were, it was clear that I had brains. I had no fears. I thought ahead of time. Now I was aiming for a strong body. That's all I needed. Kurosaki seemed to want the same things but in a gentle way. I could respect that. That and his kindness. I never understood him, still. He knew how I was. So why was he so kind to me? Maybe I had to accept my siblings words at least once. 

I would never understand these things until I was older.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of chapter. This is the end of the 'arc', as I like to call it, were Kizami and Kurosaki are children. The next chapter moves on to when they're in junior highschool. I may not have a lot of ideas for this yet. I may have to think about it, a lot. Anyway, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Bye bye.


	7. Our New Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back for more! So, this time, as I said last time, is set when Kizami and Kurosaki are in junior highschool. I don't have a lot of chapter ideas for this one so it could be quite short. But it should be alright. I can do it. Sure...If anyone has any ideas I would be more than happy to read them. Thank you. I'm going to start now.

Kurosaki's POV 

Junior highschool came around before I knew it. As Kizami and I got older, our appearances changed. We grew taller, our eyes matured so we didn't look as cute anymore. We were now becoming handsome young men that were reaching puberty. It sucks...Really...My hair even changed. I can't keep it down. The strands spring back up, giving me a spiked up look. I would sigh while looking in the mirror after attempting to push my hair down with a comb. Kizami's hair was beginning to look more like a bed-head. He still had that weird tassle at the back of his hair. 

Today was the opening ceremony for junior highschool. From then on we would attend Byakuden, which was the school that Kizami's brother attended before he went on to university and became an adult. I heard that he moved out quite a while ago. And I think that Kizami's big sister is attending university right now. Kizami is really far behind because of his age. Now I was old enough to question Kizami's birth and why he was so far behind his siblings in age. But it would be wrong to think like that. Really wrong. I had to get the idea out of my mind before I arrived to pick Kizami up.

As I reached his house, Kizami was already exiting his house in uniform. "Hey, Kizami". I greeted him with a smile. "Good morning, Kurosaki. What wrong with your hair? Did you forget to comb it this morning?" My smile disappeared. "No. I tried to comb it but it just sprung up again. What about you? Your hair hasn't changed since pre-school. You look like you just got outta bed". "And I still have this weird tassle in the back of my hair". I chuckled. "Also, what happened to your voice? It's so deep". "Your voice deepened too. Now you don't sound like a girl". "Oh-ho, you went there, huh?" Kizami nodded. "Yes, I did. Now, let's hurry up so we don't miss the train to school". Kizami began to walk away from me. "W-wait, this isn't over! How dare you, sir. I didn't sound like a girl when I was younger! Hey! Are you listening?!" Kizami obviously wasn't. He continued down the street, waiting for me to rush after him. I sighed, doing so. 

Back in first grade, I remember having another friend who was now attending the same school. Masato Fukuroi. He used to get bullied so I found the courage to stick up for him, even if I got a bit of a beating too. Heh, I remember Kizami when he sighed and asked me if I was okay, like a big brother. He and Fukuroi became aquaintances that day. We didn't see eachother much because he lived further away. We only really spoke on the playground and in class. I wondered how he looked now.

I looked ahead of the school gates once we had arrived. A crowd of student's past by us in different groups. I couldn't see Fukuroi. "We should go. The ceremony is going to start soon". With those words, Kizami lead the way. I followed him, continuing to look around for Fukuroi, just to say hi. And then, all of a sudden, I had bumped into someone. "Oh, s-sorry. Are you al-". "Hey, watch where you're going!" My eyes focused on the person in front of me. By voice, I could tell that it was a girl. My eyes widened once I saw her. "Um, I'm, uh...really sorry". She was quite pretty, with curly hazel hair and turquoise eyes. Her two hair accessories glimmered in the sun. "Uh, what are you staring at?" The girl looked over her shoulder densely. I was staring at her of course. "N-nothing. I'm Kensuke Kurosaki, this is my best friend Yuuya Kizami". The girl crossed her arms over with a smirk. "Mitsuki Yamamoto. You're lucky that this is just the beginning of junior high, otherwise I would have knocked you into the concrete, Kurosaki-kun". "Just because he accidentally bumped into you?" Kizami spoke up. Was he sticking up for me? Kizami, you don't have to! Please, don't! "Haha...I'm just kiddin'. Don't worry about it. I would forgive you if you apologised, and you did. Good job". I felt dizzy just seeing her smile. "Welp, I'm gonna go ahead. It was nice to meet you both. Maybe we'll end up in the same class". "Yeah...maybe. Bye...Mitsuki-san". I said her name. She didn't argue. She simply waved goodbye as she went on ahead. "I think I have a crush...". I whispered, placing my hand on my heart. "You only just met her, Kurosaki". "But I think that I'm in love...". Honestly, I didn't know what I was saying. Kizami rolled his eyes and sighed. "Whatever you say, Kurosaki". He probably thought that I was being an idiot. I wouldn't be suprised myself. Still, I quite liked Mitsuki. I hoped to get closer to her, maybe even to become a close friend. 

Kizami's expression was cold and showed indifference. He looked kind of down, I suppose. "Is something wrong, Kizami?" "No. It's nothing". I smirked. "Oh? Could it be that you're jealous of Mitsuki?" "Why would I be jealous? She's a girl and I'm a boy. If I were jealous then that would make me...". "Don't worry about it, Kizami. You're my best friend. When it comes down to it, I would always put you first if such a choice came along". "What do you mean?" "Say if you got into an accident and were put in hospital while I was on a date. I would ditch her with an apology and come running to your side". The way I said it might have sounded lame. Still, Kizami smiled. "Is that so? I don't plan on going to the hospital anytime soon. Thank you, anyway". "No problem, Kizami. We're best friends. I would do anything for you. That's what friends are for". "I wouldn't ask you to do absolutely anything. If I have problems that only I can solve then I can't ask anything of you". "Then you can always talk to me. If something's on your mind then I would listen to whatever you have to say and not tell a soul". Kizami looked in the other direction. "That's very good of you. I know that you listened to me when the relationship between me and my family was falling apart. For that, I'm grateful". Kizami's words were sincere. I didn't know how to respond. I was a bit speechless. "R-right. You're welcome". "Hm...I'm glad. I'll happily do the same for you, Kurosaki". Since when did Kizami become such a smooth talker?! He would get a girlfriend in no time flat. Before, when we were kids, I would say something in comfort and he would get embarrassed. So when did he start having such a cool head? Maybe he just matured quicker than me. I smiled at the thought. 

Once the ceremony had finished, everyone in the new year gathered around to find out which class they were going to be attending. I looked over the board. Class 1-5. Kizami was in the same class as me. The various other students around us gave different reactions about their new class. A few were disappointed while others wore smiles with their friends about being in the same class. I was lucky to be in the same class as Kizami. Who else? "Looks like we're in the same class, Kensuke". "Fukuroi...?!" Finally, I found him, or he found me. Masato Fukuroi, my close friend. He looked different too. "Did you get new glasses?" "That's the first thing you say to me?!" Fukuroi sighed deeply. "It's good to see you again, Kensuke". "You, too". Fukuroi calls me by my first name as he believes me to be an equal after what I did for him in first grade. I choose to stick with Fukuroi, like how I still call Kizami by his surname despite how close we are. "So, do you know anyone else who is apparently joining our class?" Fukuroi asked as he pushed up his glasses. I looked over the board again. Just as I did, I heard a familiar voice. "That's right! Me, Ku.ro.sa.ki-san!" I felt a harsh slap to my back. "Khlg...!" I turned around to meet with a grinning Mitsuki. "M-Mitsuki-san!". "I look forward to being in the same class. Who's this?" Fukuroi's face reddened upon seeing Mitsuki. He pushed up his glasses nervously while averting his gaze to the side. "Um, I'm Masato Fukuroi. A friend of Kensuke's". "I see. It's nice to meet ya'. I'm Mitsuki Yamamoto". Hey. Hey! Why is Fukuroi staring at her with dazed eyes?! Why?! "Kurosaki," I heard Kizami's voice next to me. I turned to see him with a small smile. "I'm...I'm happy that you and I are in the same class again". My cheeks warmed up. Over a guy?! No, over Kizami?! "Y-yeah. Me too". I mentally slapped myself in the jaw and told myself to get a damn grip. 

"Oh, that reminds me! Tohko, over here!" Mitsuki called out to someone, waving her arm in the air. A girl with brunette hair and a ponytail walked up to us with a smile. "Hi, Mitsuki". "Tohko, these are some guys that are joining our class. They're nice guys, so don't worry". "Right. Hello, I'm Tohko Kirisaki". We did our introductions, Fukuroi and I. Then Kizami stepped forward to meet her. She froze upon seeing him. "Hello, I'm Yuuya Kizami. It's good to meet you, Kirisaki-san". Her face flushed red. She seemed so collected before. But now she was a nervous wreck! "U-uh...H-hi, Yuuya-kun. It's good to meet you, too". No way...Kizami already received an admirer. A pretty one, too. A soft pat met my back. "Hey, Kurosaki-kun, what are you staring at, Tohko?" "No, I'm not". "Ehh? Why not? She's really pretty. I wouldn't be suprised if Kizami-kun over there was attracted to her". "No. That can't be". "Huh..?" Kizami wasn't like that. Right now, he didn't show any interest in Kirisaki-san. She smiled and blushed but Kizami had a straight and uninterested expression. As if he was just being polite. Somehow, watching him talk to her and be by her side, I felt lonely. Weird...I looked towards Mitsuki. "I look forward to working with you". She grinned. "That's the spirit!" I smiled. I would be happy for Kizami if he got a girlfriend. I would cheer him on and support him. That was if he actually wanted a girlfriend. It was too early today. Too early to think about stuff like that. 

And so began our first semester in junior high. It began with earning a few new friends in our class. It began with the possibility of having relationships at our age. It began with change. Good change. I looked up at the cherry blossoms falling from the trees. Summer was approaching once again.


	8. His New Interests

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really know what to do next, that's why I didn't update for a few days. My mind has been to a whole other place. I can't help but think ahead off the story rather than thinking about each chapter going one at a time. Well, I'm here now so...I should start.

Kizami's POV

For our first week at Byakuden, it was spent learning about complicated equations in math and coherent literature as well as the English language.  
So far, it was easy. I had no problems with the system. Kurosaki was doing fairly well himself. Aside from the lessons, Kurosaki had befriended Yamamoto, Fukuroi and Kirisaki. I...didn't consider them as friends, more like aquaintances. It seemed that Kurosaki still had his eyes on Yamamoto. I couldn't determine if she had noticed it, but I could definitely see the light blush on his face whenever they were alone in eachothers company. Yamamoto must have been pretty dense. Seeing Kurosaki get so embarrassed by her smile was something that I failed to understand. The tomboy Yamamoto clearly didn't feel the same way yet Kurosaki was head over heels for her. He would talk to me about it whenever I was at his house, and vise versa. Honestly... I already have a girl who becomes excited around me. Kirisaki is an innocent girl but, if I'm to be perfectly honest, I find her irritating to be around. For the sake of keeping up appearances I have to put up with it. At the end of the day I find being around Kurosaki, and only Kurosaki, calms me down and makes me feel relaxed. He's my...best friend, afterall. When it really comes down to it, in my own perspective, Kurosaki is my only friend. 

These thoughts past my mind during lunch period. Kurosaki spoke to our small group with a smile on his face and laughter in his voice. I couldn't say that I envied his cheerful personality, but I didn't quite understand it. Even when Yamamoto showed him no interest romantically, he still smiled and never gave up on it. Strange...The only way that his mind would be at ease would be if he confessed to her. Whether she said yes or no, it would probably end his rambling about her. Speaking off rambling, Kirisaki spoke quite a bit of nonsense to me. She said that I'm very level-headed and kind...What? Can't she get a clue? I'm only responding to her to be polite. May if I actually dated her, she would be quiet. No...She would be a lot more talkative. 

"Hey, Kizami," I heard Kurosaki's voice call out to me. "Huh? Um, yeah?" "What's wrong? You're spacing out". "Oh, sorry. I was just thinking...". Kurosaki sighed, patting me on the back. "Are you sure? If something's wrong, just tell me and I'll listen". Hm...Deja vu. I felt like Kurosaki told me something similar. "Ohh...?" Yamamoto leaned forward on the desk, propping her elbows onto the surface and resting her cheeks in her hands. "Seems like you two are close. Are you perhaps like t.h.a.t?" Kurosaki dropped his chopsticks in astonishment. How could she assume that with such a suggestive expression?! "N-no! Not at all! We're friends. Childhood friends. That's all!" Kurosaki forced a smile as he explained, frantic as he waved his hands in the air. How defensive of him. Of course we weren't like that. Kurosaki was straight. Also, at our age, we only just discovered the possibility of homosexual relationships. Even though Kurosaki was straight, his fierce blush caught my attention. It was a deep red. Redder than when he sees Yamamoto's smile. He looked down at his lap, still forcing a smile. Could it be? No...No, he was just embarrassed since we were both boys. "Huh? Kurosaki-kun, your face is red...". "Oh! Y-yeah, I'm just kinda hot. Hopefully it won't be too long until we start to wear our summer uniforms". Kurosaki laughed nervously. "I hope so, too". I stepped in. "Hey, Kirisaki". "Yes, Yuuya-kun?" "I bet you would look cute in a summer uniform, if you don't mind my honesty". Kirisaki's face flushed pure red. Interesting...not. "Uh...I...". "Humph. That's very bold of you, Kizami". "It's not just him, Mitsuki-san". "Huh...?" Kurosaki followed. "I think you would look cute, too". "What, are you a pervert or something?" "Nope. Just an honest guy". Yamamoto blushed too. This must have been like staring at a beautiful masterpiece for Kurosaki.

"Wh-whatever! I'm going to the restroom. Can you come along Tohko?" "Yeah, we'll catch up with you guys later, okay?" "See ya, perverts!" Yamamoto waved to us and left obnoxiously, failing to hide her blush. Fukuroi walked into the classroom with a puzzled expression as he saw the two girls leave. "What did I miss?" He asked us. Kurosaki's blush faded. I might have helped his confidence a little. Perhaps our comments convinced the girls that we weren't in a relationship or something. We weren't, of course. But it didn't hurt to make that perfectly clear, even at the cost of being called a pervert. 

On the way home from school, the sky had turned orange. The train was obviously packed and bursting with the suffocating heat. Still, we got out alive. Kurosaki was quiet the whole time. He didn't say a word. I wasn't one to begin a conversation. I'm still unable to speak first. But there is always a first time for everything. "Say, Kurosaki, I heard that a new book store opened up down the street. I wanted to go for some reference books. Would you like to come along?" "That's right. They sell manga, don't they? Sure I'll come along. A new series just came out after the anime and I wanna check it out". "Great. It shouldn't take too long". I didn't exactly ask him anything of importance, but I at least broke the awkward silence. I knew that Kurosaki had recently gotten into anime and manga. Not me. I couldn't care less about that stuff. 

The store was nearly empty. Inside were mostly people in their adult years or students looking at the study or manga section. The two different groups of student's looking at two different sections gave off two very different vibes. I went ahead for the few books that I needed while Kurosaki browsed the manga and light novel section, picking up a book or two and looking through the pages. I bought the books I needed and went over to Kurosaki's side. He looked totally absorbed into a manga volume. I didn't say anything about the books I bought. Instead, I stalled in order to talk to Kurosaki and find out what was going through his head, if it was even my business. "What are you reading?" I asked, staring at the cover of the book. It depicted a boy and a girl, teenagers. They were holding hands, the girl was on the tips of her toes just to kiss the guys cheek. The background was pink, blue and filled with roses. "It's not what I was looking for, that's for sure. This is a generic story about a boy and girl who meet and fall in love. I read the first volume and didn't read any of the others. Everything is so unrealistic about it. How can two people find happiness so easily? Their only obstacle is two other people who like the two main character". I scoffed. "Humph. Sounds boring". "Right?! I mean, these things are so overused". I shrugged. "I think that these stories are supposed to be unrealistic for a reason". "What do you mean?" It was just a theory, but..."Um, well, I think that these scenarios are built as an escape from reality. In the end of the story, the couple are supposed to be happy together. When that happens, the reader is supposed to be happy for them. But that probably only works on otaku". Kurosaki looked suprised at first, but then smiled. "What a smart guy you are. Hm...I guess that you're right. But I didn't feel happy for them. I was envious. Is that pathetic?" "No. Not at all. However, you are too young to be thinking about these things yet. I am too". Like I was interested anyway. "Um...yeah. Thanks, Kizami. For now, I'll concentrate on school and...hanging out with my best friend". Kurosaki smiled at me, putting down the manga on the shelf. 

"By the way, Kizami, about earlier at lunch, I...". "Don't worry about it. I was embarrassed too since Yamamoto said something like that. We're both boys, and childhood friends so it's hard to think about". "Yeah, it is. But...". Kurosaki's words trailed off. "I don't feel...strange about it". I didn't quite hear him. "What was that?" "Nothing. Uh...I'm gonna go buy what I came for. Two seconds, okay?" "Sure...". Well, Kurosaki was back to his usual self. Although, I still felt an emptiness about the conversation. I couldn't let it bother me, otherwise my stomach would turn and I would get a headache. I took a deep breath and cleared my mind, waiting for the clicking of the register and Kurosaki's footsteps coming back towards me. "Come on, let's go. I'll race you to the bus stop near my house". "Are you eight again?" "Nope. However, you only live once, Kizami". "That's not exactly true but I see what you mean. Sure, why not?" "Okay. I've been practicing for baseball so prepare to have your butt handed to you on a silver platter". "Since when did you become such a dork?" "Since I met Ryoske Katayama and Tomohiro Ohkawa. See ya!" Kurosaki dashed down the street. I chuckled, dashing after him. These feelings appeared foreign to me. Was I actually having fun with Kurosaki? When we were kids, he was kind. Now, he was both kind and...fun to be around. No one had ever made me laugh before. Watching him smile made me smile. It was odd but light and warm. 

How could I feel this way because of a goofball like him? Kurosaki? I didn't know. At least, not at that age. Even at a maturing age, I didn't understand these feelings that, for me, in the past, would have been so easy to disgard. So why not with Kurosaki?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't very long, and I'm sorry. Like I said, I didn't have a good idea on what to do for this section of the story. I'll try harder, but no promises. Thanks for reading, anyway. You guys are great.


	9. He Only Smiles For Me

Kurosaki's POV 

The weekend was the best part of the week, definitely. Highschool is tiring. Although being a junior doesn't involve mock exams or final exams, it doesn't mean that I don't come home feeling like crap. The times when I stretched and cracked my back is countless. So during the weekend, I can stay at home and play video games or watch TV in my boxers - as long as I'm alone in the house, of course. Today, mom and dad were out shopping and having lunch together while I hung out with Kizami in the living room. We bought soda and ice-cream because it was like a furnace indoors. We even resorted to having the back yard screen door open all the way for the cool air to shower us. Also, we had to sit on the hardwood flooring since the sofa was practically on fire in this climate! 

I licked the melting ice-cream in my hand. It was turning into a liquid and slowly running down the small wooden stick. I didn't have much choice but to eat it so that it didn't melt and drip onto the floor. Believe me, ice-cream and wood are not the best combination. "Why didn't you get a tub like I did?" Kizami asked, popping the tiny spoon of ice-cream into his mouth. "The tubs are really small and they cost more. ¥250 for an ice-cream tub? No thanks". Kizami clicked his tongue with a smirk. "As you wish". "What flavour did you get?" "Coconut milk". "That sounds pretty good, actually. I got raspberry and vanilla". I always liked the attractive swirl of both flavours, which was an addition to the great taste. "Can I try?" "Uh...how?" Kizami stared at my ice-cream for a moment before putting down his tub and leaning in towards me, on his hands and knees. "Eh? Kizami?" I almost backed away - but was a bit too late. Kizami flicked his tongue on the raspberry cream, swiftly retreating back on his butt, licking his lips and leaving me with my mouth agape. "Tha-tha-ahh...". That was an indirect kiss! My first indirect kiss and it's from Kizami, a guy! 

"You...You...". I couldn't pull out a full sentence. I was completely dumbfounded. "What's the matter?" And Kizami was acting as if nothing was wrong?! "What? I was thinking about kissing you directly, but I know that you wouldn't want that, so...". "Ki-Kizami...we're both boys! Why would you even think about ki-kis-kissing me?!" "It was a bit embarrassing. But it's you so I figured that it could be fine". My face warmed up which could be considered unbearable in this weather. "I'm sorry for suprising you, Kurosaki". "Uh! Um...I-it's no big deal, I guess. Just warn me next time". Kizami smiled his rare smile. The smile only for me. Kizami had become handsome. Really handsome over these years. What would he look like as an adult? I wondered. I glanced over at the open screen doors. A few fallen cherry blossoms had drifted into the house by the summer's breeze. It was beautiful. "Wow...". I mumbled to myself. My ice-cream was now leaking onto my fingers, but I paid no mind to it as I watched in awe as the petals flew in from the clear blue sky. "It's a nice sight, isn't it, Kurosaki?" I nodded. "Yeah. It's lovely. Really lovely". I retracted my gaze, looking down at my sticky fingers. I licked away the ice-cream, making the sensation of moisture feel worse on my fingers. 

The wind chimes rang quietly, glimmering, almost blindingly. The soft sound of the wind sent a chill down my sweaty back. But it was a nice chill. A nice breeze of cool air. This scene...The open door that allows cool air to slip through, the cherry blossoms, the sickly sweetness of my breath from eating ice-cream and the quiet atmosphere was a nice scene. I could stay like that forever. I finished off my ice-cream, leaving the wooden stick that had traces of solid ice-cream that you could never quite get. I stood from the floor, taking Kizami's empty tub on my way to the kitchen. I threw out the waste and searched the fridge for our soft drinks. I came back to the living room and delivered Kizami's drink before sitting back down. "Thank you". He said, opening up the metal tap with a click and a hiss. I leaned against the edge of the sofa, sipping my drink and sighing from the refreshing coolness. "Haa...That's good~. I came back from the dead". Kizami chuckled. I felt an accomplishment for making him laugh since it was such a rare thing. Kizami never laughed and hardly ever smiled at school. I was the only one who ever heard his laughter. 

"So, Kizami, I...uhh...I saw that Kirisaki was talking about you with Mitsuki and this other girl, Emi Urabe. She really likes you". "I know". "H-huh..?" How long has he known? "Come on, Kurosaki, it's not exactly a secret to me. She looks at me a certain way and I can tell". "You say that as if she's barking up the wrong tree". "She is. I'm not interested in her". Kizami didn't show any interest in Kirisaki or any other girl, that was true. But he couldn't give her a chance, at least? "Why not? She's really pretty, and cute, and smart". "That's a very generic way to describe a girl, isn't it?" "I guess, but...Do you, perhaps, like...someone else?" Kizami hesitated, staring down at the can in his hands. "I don't really know. I...guess". "Seriously?! Who is it?!" Kizami looked a little startled by my eagerness. I felt kinda bad for trying to pry into his business. "I'm sorry, Kizami. I shouldn't have asked". "Kurosaki,". Kizami began, anyway. He looked at me with a calm expression with no embarrassment or nervousness or worry in his eyes. He was completely collected. "I do like this person, but not in a romantic way". I felt a little disappointed with that description. "Then they're just an aquaintance, right?" "Well, I like this person to such an extent that I could never find an interest in finding a girlfriend. I would want to stay close to this person and only this person. Although they might have other friends and maybe find a lover of their own someday, I would still want to talk to them and laugh with them. Isn't that reasonable, Kurosaki?" I was so caught up in his words, that seemed like they came directly from a play, that I didn't notice when he called my name with such sincerity and a warm smile. Was he talking about...me? That seemed obvious. I was flustered. Kizami said those things like he wanted me to be like a lover to him, but I couldn't be because...we were both men. "Ki-Kizami...you...what...". No words formed in my mind. Before I could say anything coherent, the front door opened, and my parents walked through with several shopping bags and heavy breaths. 

"Hello, boys,". My mom greeted us, her cheeks rosy from the climate outside. "Kensuke, dear, could you help us put away the groceries?" "Sure, mom". "I'll help, too". Kizami volunteered, talking like nothing happened once again. We helped put everything in their rightful place in silence. Kizami and I. "Yuuya, would you like to stay for dinner?" "Thank you, but I have to go to work in a few hours". "You got a job, at your age?" "Part-time. I work at the coffee place near the train station". I knew that Kizami had a part-time job but he never said why he got one. What did he need the money for? 

Kizami and I stayed in the living room once more, crashing on the sofa. It wasn't that hot anymore, so why not? I was on the verge of asking him about what he said. It was on the tip of my tongue but I failed to say anything. "You guessed who it was, didn't you?" Kizami broke the silence with a question. He knew that I was aware that he was talking about me. I nodded. "Yeah, it was a pretty good riddle, but not that good". It was meant to be a joke but it wasn't appropriate for this situation. "Kurosaki, don't misunderstand, please. I said that I don't see you in a romantic way. You're my best friend. My only friend. Everyone else is your friend and my aquaintance". "Why, though? We're childhood friends, but that doesn't mean that you can't be friends with anyone else". "I can't really explain it. But, to me, you are my only real friend, for several reasons. You make me smile and laugh, I can have confidence when talking to you about my problems and you actually listen. I don't care for everyone else". "You sound like your eight year old self". I said with a smirk. "Kurosaki, you're it and...I'm happy with that. I'm happy if it's just you for now. I may have everyone else as an aquaintance or people that I can call work friends in the future. But, no matter what, you will always be my goofy best friend Kurosaki". I'm goofy to him. Somehow, that eased my mind and heart. Not the goofy part, but everything else. Was Kizami recalling the promise that we made all those years ago? That we would always be together as best friends. 

"I see. Um, am I an idiot for thinking that...?" I stopped mid - sentence when Kizami shook his head in disagreement. "No, Kurosaki. You're not an idiot". Kizami was being very understanding and not laughing in my face. I appreciated that side of him. Kizami stretched his arms out, standing up when he was relaxed. "I should go. This was fun, Kurosaki. Maybe we should do it again next time". "Sure. I'll walk you to the door". I followed Kizami to the entrance way, where he slipped his shoes on. "I'm gonna go home and get changed for work. Hopefully I can avoid my parents. I'll see you tomorrow, Kurosaki". "Of course you will. Bye, Kizami". I waved to Kizami as he walked out with his hands stuffed into his pockets. I sighed, shutting the door behind him. And I stood there for a few moments. Maybe I am an idiot for assuming something like...that. I shook my head. Was it really that ridiculous? It's a bit weird to think of Kizami having an attraction to someone. However, strangely enough, it didn't feel weird when I put myself in the picture. It made my heart jump. Damn teenage hormones! Damn them to hell! I shouldn't think like that. I already like Mitsuki. Yeah...Mitsuki! 

Even as I said that in my head with a confident and boyish grin, my heart felt heavy still...Kizami was my best friend. My best friend who is a guy. I had to distract myself from such thoughts. I didn't want to make things awkward between us because of my stupid imagination. I was fourteen at the time so my mind was only slowly moving into the set of a teenage boy. "Right!" I exclaimed to myself. I had to get past this awkward feeling. First I had to buy plenty of manga, eroge games and doujinshi (or just porn magazines) to distract myself. If Kizami saw them it would show that I'm just a healthy teenager. Although, it might be a bit awkward...Things aren't supposed to be awkward between us. Or was I...just making it sound awkward? I was over thinking things. I shook my head, wandering up the stairs and to my bedroom. What was I thinking?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where I was going with the ending to this chapter. Sorry...


	10. I Can Be Different Around Him

Kizami's POV

I didn't regret what I told Kurosaki. If I could be honest with anyone, it was him, Kurosaki. But maybe I left a sense of discomfort between us. Things could only take its course. I had to leave the conversation be. Kurosaki still greeted me with a smile when I came to his house for the second time during Saturday and Sunday. Apparently his dad asked him to wash his car while he was at work and Kurosaki invited me to help, saying that he owed me one. He was acting like his usual self, at least. "My dad is gone, he took the train today so we can get started". 

We collected a bucket, a wrapped up water hose and two sponges from the closest in the hallway and carried them out into the driveway at the front of the house. Turning on the hose which was connected to the outside faucet, we filled the bucket up to the brim. Kurosaki and I spoke during this. "Did you get the soap for this?" I asked, receiving a thumbs up from Kurosaki. "Mm-hm! Everything is here". "Good. Uh, by the way, I don't mind doing this. You've done a lot for me ever since we were kids". "What like?" Did I have to list everything? "Don't be modest. I owe you, so let's just leave it at that". I directed the hose towards the car, coating it with water before actually washing it. Kurosaki went ahead with a sponge in hand, covering the windows, doors and roof in suds. "Why did your dad ask you to wash his car so suddenly? It wasn't that dirty". "Well, he said that the rain season is coming so he wanted to get it done before it started to rain non-stop. Once it's over, his car is gonna get washed again". "I see. My parents don't have a car, but Kouki does". "Your big brother?" I hated to mention him but I wanted to make conversation with Kurosaki. I furrowed my eyebrows. 

"Hey, Kizami...". "Yeah, wha-oof!" Suddenly, before I could finish, something wet and squishy hit my chest, creating a cold wet patch in my t-shirt. Kurosaki laughed. He had thrown his sponge at me. "Hahaha...Don't look so down, Kizami. Let's take a break!" "We only just started and why a water fight? Are you twelve or something?" "Nope. But that doesn't mean that I can't do it. Here, catch!" Kurosaki threw the second sponge at me, hitting my arm with force and sending water rings flying. "That's it, Kurosaki...I can't leave without putting up a fight. So...". I swiftly pointed the hose at Kurosaki. Rapidly splashing water soaked him within seconds. He just laughed through it, picking up the water - filled bucket and charging towards me with it. I dashed the other way, still holding the hose and using the car as a shield. Kurosaki dumped the water across the car, soaking me from head to toe. 

This wasn't like me, but I couldn't help but laugh breathlessly along with Kurosaki. "I win, Kizami. You're drenched". "So are you, haha...". "Hm...hahaha...Yeah, I guess...Ehh...Call it a draw?" "Nope...". I aimed the hose at him again, drenching his hair until all strands were down...sort of. "Ah! You asshole! I want revenge! Gimme that hose!" Kurosaki picked up on of the sponges from the ground, flinging it at me again and narrowly missing. Whilst I was distracted, Kurosaki dashed over to me, taking hold of nozzle and pointing it upwards by accident. The water sprang up and rained down on us like a waterfall. I could barely see from the blinding shower. I quickly held the pipe of it, stopping the water immediately. Kurosaki huffed and laughed at the stupidity of the whole situation. I chuckled, pushing my damp hair back and out of my eyes. I saw Kurosaki and I froze for a moment. 

He was completely drenched. His hair, his t-shirt, his shorts. It must have been uncomfortable - but he simply ignored it with laughter. His cheeks were slightly red and his strands of hair were messy. It was a surprisingly nice image to look at. "Geez...I've never laughed so much in my entire life". "Me neither...". My voice was small as I tried to capture the image before me in my mind. "I have no regrets but my mom is gonna be mad at me if I catch a cold". "Heh, I bet. Perhaps we'll both catch a cold?" "I can never imagine a tough guy like you with a cold". The thought did seem bogus. Me, with a cold? I hardly ever got sick as a child. The most I had was the chickenpox or mumps. Yes, I had both. "We should quickly clean up my dad's car before changing. Some of my clothes might still fit you". "Thanks, Kurosaki. Um, we should be prepared once I let go of the hose". I was still gripping it tightly in a bend to prevent us from getting soaked even more, if that were possible at this point. 

We finished washing the car and attempted to go to Kurosaki's bedroom without his mom catching us while looking like drowned rats. Kurosaki was beginning to lead the way upstairs when we heard it. "Boys". A stern voice stopped us in our tracks. With her arms crossed and furrowed eyebrows, Kurosaki's mother glared at us in disappointment. "I would expect this from Kensuke, but Yuuya? You're supposed to be the mature one". We bowed slightly in apology. "Sorry, mom". "Sorry, Mrs Kurosaki. It got out of hand". "Just as long as you're sorry. But it's your own fault if you both freeze, even in this climate. Now,". Her smile finally appeared. "Hurry up and get changed. Lunch is almost ready". With that said, Kurosaki and I continued up the stairs and to his bedroom.

"Phew...That was kinda scary". Kurosaki said as he looked through his drawers, throwing out pieces of clothing onto the bed. "You're exaggerating". I replied, taking off my shirt and quickly replacing it with the t-shirt provided. "Maybe, but my mom is never scary. I thought that she would be really scary just now". Kurosaki took off his shorts first. I made sure to turn away so that I didn't see his boxers. "Today was pretty fun, don't you think?" I had to agree that it was pretty fun. "Yeah. I haven't had fun like that in...god-knows how long". "Uh, ouch. Are you saying that everything else with me wasn't fun?" "No, not at all. I mean, I did have fun whenever we hung out before. I just...I've never laughed so hard before". "Me neither". Kurosaki and I faced eachother once we had both changed. "Wow, you still look good in my clothes. Don't I have good taste?" "Was that a statement or a question?" "Shut up. I have good taste in clothes. Anyway, I'm gonna grab two towels. Wait right here". "I will. I'm not going anywhere". Kurosaki left to find two towels, I assumed that they were for our hair. I sat down on the floor, my bangs dripping water onto the floor. Drip...drip...tap. Wait, tap? I looked over my shoulder, only being able to see the matress of the bed. I turned my body, looking to the floor. Under the bed, I could see the corner of, what appeared to be, a book or magazine. 

It's rude to look through someone else's stuff, but this was a strange exception. What kind of book would he need to keep under his bed, of all places in his bebedroom? Curious, I took it out from the bed and looked over the front cover. My eyes widened. "Okay, I'm ba-wahh!" Kurosaki stopped in his tracks when he saw me looking through his...magazine. "Wh-wha-what are you doing?!" Kurosaki exclaimed, flabbergasted. "Kurosaki, I apologise for looking at something that I shouldn't have seen. I mean it...". I hung my head low with warm cheeks. Kurosaki sighed, calming down after my weak apology. "That wasn't really supposed to be found. I'm the one who should be sorry for not hiding it in a better place". "That's why you're sorry? Kurosaki, something like this is...". "Don't judge me! This guy at school was handing them out in the locker rooms. Kai Shimada. And it's not a terrible thing to have, right? I am a man, Kizami. Having porn is like having a girlfriend. You hide them from your parents, and it's something worth getting excited about". "Wow, that was a suprisingly accurate but weird description of a porn magazine". "I know, right?!" "But why would you hide a girlfriend from your parents?" "Parents are like that, I guess. My mom dreads the day that I start a relationship, hoping that it's a proper loving relationship and not...you know...". Kurosaki's cheeks reddened as he scratched the nape of his neck, averting his gaze. I looked over the magazine from the front page. It depicted a girl around seventeen wearing nothing but her underwear. Men liked this stuff? I didn't show any interest, which felt strange. How could I not be interested? "Here you go". Kurosaki was crouched down beside me, handing over one of the towels with his trademark smile. I stared for a moment before taking the towel. "Thanks, Kurosaki". He sat down next to me, staring at the pages while drying his hair. He ruffled it for several moments before revealing his messy strands. 

I blinked a few times before acknowledging the fact that I had been staring. I closed the magazine, giving it back to its owner. "Here. I won't judge you for this. I wouldn't own one myself, though". "Whatever you say, Kizami. I won't judge you for not having one. That's your choice, afterall". There was a moment of silence as Kurosaki slid his book under the bed again. He sat back, sighing. "Haaah...So...What's next?" I shrugged. "Is there anything we could do before lunch?" Kurosaki thought for a moment, and then made a face as if an idea has clicked in his head. "I guess we could play video games. Do you wanna?" "Kurosaki, I'm terrible at video games". "This one is a bit different. How do you feel about visual novels?" "You mean, dating simulators?" "You sound like you really don't want to...". I smiled. "No, we can play one. Maybe it could be fun if it's with you". Kurosaki's face flushed red. Oh, no. Did I say something awkward again? Kurosaki's blush was replaced with a grin. "Of course it will. I do the best voice acting. I dare you to do it, too". "Okay. Why not?" "Really?! Awesome! Next time I'll dare you to do karaoke with me the next time we visit one of the bars in town". "That's a bit much". "Only for you". We shared a chuckle. 

If it were anyone else from class 2-4, I would have said no through - and - through or nothing at all. I could open my heart to Kurosaki. My quietly beating heart. I never thought that I would ever have a water fight or join Kurosaki in voice acting for a silly visual novel game, were it was just the two of us. We chose the ridiculous choices, chose a certain route for a certain girl, and we laughed. This was what I meant yesterday. This was what I always wanted to keep. It took a while to realise it, but I wanted to stay by Kurosaki's side. I wanted to keep his friendship close. I knew that we would probably lead separate lives someday, but I would never forget these moments with him. Never...It may sound unusual, coming from a heartless being like me, but...Did I have an emotional heart afterall?


	11. He Goes Out Of His Way For Me

Kurosaki's POV 

Autumn had finally arrived. The season of red and orange. The beginning of the colder seasons. For the start of the month, it was pretty bad. For one, it was freezing outside. I walked to school with Kizami, shivering in my winter coat and my scarf. "God it's cold". I muttered. "Aren't you cold?" I looked to Kizami, who seemed perfectly fine. "I am. But I won't complain". "Uugh. I wanna go home. A-achoo!" I sneezed, my mind going fuzzy. I lost my gloves a short while ago so, naturally, my hands were freezing. Kizami looked down at me with no expression. Without a word, he stopped walking. I stopped with him in question. "Kizami? What are you doing? We're gonna be-...!" I stopped talking when I saw something that suprised me. Something both embarrassing and unbelievable. Kizami stood in front of me with a straight face, taking off his gloves. He took hold of my hand, slipping one on. It was almost a perfect fit. Up close I could see that Kizami's hands had gotten bigger. He looked so serious, too! The other one was slipped on my shaky hand, warding off the cold of autumn. "There. Better?" I stammered, and not because of the cold. "Y-yeah. Um, but you didn't have to do this". "It's alright. I can just put my hands in my pockets. Stay warm, okay?" Who was this?! What did he do with Yuuya Kizami? The Yuuya Kizami who would yell in suprise whenever I held his hand or hugged him. "Uh, thanks, Kizami. You're the best". Kizami walked on without another word, stuffing his hands into his pockets. I followed him, my hands warming up in the warmth of Kizami's gloves.

Kizami silently acted as if nothing happened at all. He was his usual self, I suppose. Only, he acted kindly. When we were kids, he would act like a big brother when it was necessary. Whenever I needed him. I was growing up yet Kizami still worries about me. Even if he doesn't say it, I know he is. I would say that he treats me like his little brother. But it doesn't sound right. Not to me. The way that he shows concern is...different, somehow. I can't really explain in. Could Kizami explain it? Hm...I doubted that. 

It was only a week later that I found myself lying in bed, unable to move. I was dizzy, my nose was blocked, my head hurt, I was coughing, sneezing. Yep. I caught a cold. I wouldn't be surprised if I caught it during the winter season, but autumn? Really? I lay there, blowing my nose, desperately trying to unblock my nostrils. I managed several times but the feeling of being able to breathe didn't last. My mom came upstairs with a damp cloth, a glass of water and medication capsules. "Here, sweetheart. I called the school and told them that you're off sick". "Thanks, mom". I could barely speak without sounding like a zombie. My mother just smiled, placing the cool cloth over my forehead. "Now, I have to run some errands before going to work. I've left some food in the fridge that you can heat up in the microwave. I'm sorry that I have to leave you by yourself, honey". "It's okay. I'll be alright". Mom gave me a kiss on the cheek, brushing my strands of hair back with her fingers. "I promise to be back for dinner". With that, my mom left the house. All was quiet. What a perfect time to dose off. My eyelids felt heavy. Everything went dark as I slept. And then... 

And then I felt a warm hand stroke my hair. It was soft and comforting. "Mn...Mom?" How long had I been asleep for? Had she came back already? I opened my heavy eyelids with a groan. A blurry figure came into view. A tall, broad figure. Dad, maybe? I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and everything became clear. "Mn...hm? Uh...Ki-...Kizami?" "Yeah, Kurosaki. It's me. How are you feeling?" In my head, I felt like jumping up and screaming in suprise. Unfortunately, the weight of my illness kept me grounded. "Kizami? What...what are you doing here? How..?" "You're mother let me in. I saw her in the street as I was coming to pick you up and she told me that you were sick. I felt like I had to do something since I couldn't leave you alone". The suprise and confusion slowly caught up to me. "Wait, shouldn't you be in school? My mom would have known that so how did she let you in?" "You were off yesterday too, right? I lied to her and said that the teacher asked me to deliver work to you and that I had to go over the stuff that you missed. She trusted me so I was allowed into your house". No way! He could get into serious trouble for that! 

"Kizami, you didn't have to. I don't understand why you would do that". "I told you. I couldn't leave you alone". I became flustered. Although, it would be hard to tell, considering I was sick. "I bet you're mom left food for you to just heat up in the microwave. Right?" "Well, yeah. How did you...". "Haruna taught me that you shouldn't do that. It's warm food but you should have something fresh and homemade. I remember getting frustrated after she actually made a good point, for once". "So, what are you gonna do?" "I would like to make something for you, with permission, of course". I sat up, feeling light-headed. "Wait. You don't have to do that, really. I can manage". "But I want to. Can I?" I could hardly think straight with my brain pulsing in my skull so I had no choice but to give up. "O-okay...I'm giving you permission. After that, you don't have to do anymore for me". "Okay, then. I'll be right back. Get some rest until then". I lay down on my side. The covers were brought up to cover my shaking body. The bed creaked as Kizami got up from my bed. Great...I was drifting off again. 

The next time that I woke up, my headache had faded and was replaced by a cool sensation that proved to be more pleasant. Still, my whole body was feverish. "Nn...Kizami, are you there?" I mumbled, my vision blurry. Yes, he was there. Kneeled down on the floor, Kizami's broad but blurred figure came into view beside me. A soft sound filled my ears, like that of a cloth being wrung out, several drips of water following. I rubbed my eyes. Kizami stopped whatever he was doing to look at me. "Sorry. Did I wake you? I was just changing your cloth. I made soup for you, if you're hungry". I sat up unsteadily. A tray sat neatly on my side table. It consisted of a piping hot bowl of soup, a glass of water and ice, a small plate of fruit and my medication capsules. "It says that you shouldn't take your medicine on an empty stomach. Eat as much as you can". Kizami sat down on the bed again. Taking the soup, I placed it on my lap. The heat of it didn't bother me. I tried it, blowing on the spoon before drinking, what I assumed to be, the noodle soup. "Woah, it's really good. You made this?" "Yes. I'm glad that it's edible, at least". "Thanks, Kizami". "Don't mention it. Eat up, take your medicine and get some rest". Kizami petted my hair softly before getting back up. "I don't plan on staying long. I apologise for coming to your house uncalled for. Once you've finished, I'll clean up and leave when you're asleep, okay?" "I...I don't know what to say. Kizami...I really appreciate this. I really do". "Don't worry about it. Just relax and rest easy". Kizami left thee room, closing the door quietly.

Kizami was acting so strange. Stranger than usual. I wasn't sure how I felt about him going out of his way just to take care of me. I truly appreciated his kindness, but at the same time I was concerned. Why do so much for me? He can't be doing it just out of good friendship. Was I just blindly assuming things again? I continued to drink my soup to stop myself from thinking these things. I had to stop. Kizami was my friend. Kizami is my friend. Kizami will always be my friend. He's doing these things for me as a good friend. I sighed. Saying those things eased my mind. 

How many times had I fallen asleep during the day? Three? Four times? Again came the soft petting of my hair. I was awake but kept my eyes closed. I heard Kizami's softly spoken voice. "Kurosaki, no words could possibly describe this...these feelings. I don't quite understand them myself". He stopped petting my hair and retracted his hand. "If I had to, I'd call it...happiness, I suppose". Happiness? "Contentment...Joy...I've never felt these emotions before. Being your friend for so many years has brought those emotions into light for me. I'm grateful. If I could be your friend forever...I...I don't really know. I guess that, right now, I'm looking after you as a thank you. Cowardly, isn't it?" No. Not at all. I really was misunderstanding again. I'm dumb. Really dumb. "I know you probably can't hear me since you're asleep but, I just want to say that...I've never been happier than I am with you. I suppose that it's easier to speak to you like this no matter how embarrassing it is. Goodnight, Kurosaki". The bed creaked again. For a moment, I thought that Kizami was going to leave and that would be it. But the bed was only weighed down and warmth embraced me. "...?!" I stayed quiet, feeling a pair of strong arms wrap around me and hold me close. It was warm and smelled sweet. A hand held the back of my head and a pair of toes brushed against mine. 

I was surrounded by Kizami's sweet scent. Soft breathing emitted from above. Kizami's chin rested on the top of my head. He was asleep or..."Thank you, Kurosaki". He whispered. My face warmed up against his chest. He might of sensed that I was already awake as I felt a smirk against my forehead. I didn't even care. I acted unconsciously, wrapping my arms around his waist and indulging in the hug without a single word to pass. Kizami never showed true emotions of happiness when he was a child. His life from eight years old has been filled with neglect and scolding from his family. Other children began to avoid him until middle school. When it comes down to it, I was the only person who he opened up to. The only person to see him smile and laugh and even cry. And Kizami was thankful for that. Even if he thought that I was asleep, I felt more connected to Kizami as a friend. That's why I had the urge to hold him at that moment. I forgot about my illness. I forgot about my weird assumptions and misunderstandings. If I thought about it, I felt like I would cry in apology and embarrassment. If only I could say 'It's alright, Kizami'. But the words were caught up in my throat like a lump. I couldn't fall asleep now. Not like this. Not while Kizami was holding me so securely. 

But, to no avail, I found myself waking up, hungry. It was morning. I had missed last night's dinner. I felt an emptiness beside me. Kizami was gone. I sighed, my hand resting on the spot where he lay. Sitting up, I looked around the room. My fever was gone, as well as my blocked nose. I could breath perfectly. I yawned upon getting out of bed. Rubbing my eyes, I headed downstairs to see my parents. They were both in the kitchen, like every morning, eating breakfast and talking about whatever was on the newspaper that my dad was reading. "Good morning, Kensuke. How are you feeling, better?" "Yeah, mom. Thanks". It was like any other morning. That is until I left the house for school. I walked out with my coat and scarf on, my bag slung over my shoulder. I hesitated for a moment when I saw Kizami waiting by the front gate. I took a breath. "Hey, Kizami". He waved to me with his usual expressionless face. "Good morning. Feeling any better?" "Yeah. A lot better, thanks to you". "It was no trouble". I walked with Kizami like we usually do and talked about usual things. Last night really helped take a weight off of my shoulders so I could be relaxed around Kizami again. "Kizami, I'm really thankful that you were there for me. It boosted my spirits a little so...I'm grateful". Kizami looked suprised for a second and then brought his rare smile into light. "...Me too". I smiled along with him, giving him a playful shove as if to say 'you sap'. Kizami lightly shoved back. I laughed quietly, returning a harder shove. Kizami chuckled, pushing me and then dashing off. "Hey, that's hit and run! Get back here!" I laughed away while chasing Kizami down the street. Today we would get on the train, go to school, attend class, have lunch together and go home. It sounds so mundane but during the times after school, when it's just me and Kizami, we would have fun and smile. Kizami would bring out his true colours with a warm smile as a thank you. I would never forget that. Every time I made him laugh, was that a thank you? Every time he willingly played video games with me or went out with me on weekends, was that a thanks? Every time I rubbed circles into Kizami's back after a bad day in his household and he smiled at me, his eyes red from tears, was he thanking me? Did Kizami feel like he owed me? I didn't know. And I didn't think about it as I caught up to him in the train station, panting and telling him that he won. Kizami ruffled my hair with a smile. "Thanks, Kurosaki".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really can't write today...


	12. Just Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not Christmas but here's a Christmas chapter to see the junior highschool arc off. Enjoy the fluff. I just hope that it's better than last chapter. Maybe not...

Kizami's POV 

Christmas. The second worst time of year for me. People celebrate with their families, friends and lover's. It's the time of year when everyone goes off on trips with their families and has fun. My family do the same, only without me. I'm not welcome. It's lonely but I'm used to it. Is it wrong to be used to it? "So, where are you and your family going for Christmas this year?" I ask Kurosaki as we sit in my bedroom, studying for our entrance exams. "We were planning to go visit a place like Yokohama. You know, for sightseeing". "I've never heard that before". "Not very Christmasy, huh". I envied Kurosaki's household. His family was so generic but a happy family, nonetheless. Kizami stopped asking about my family trips a long time ago. Not to be rude. I think that he understood. He didn't want to be insensitive and ask me such an awkward question.

I remember being asked by Urabe and Yamamoto about my plans for the holiday's. Kurosaki didn't partake in their original conversation about their plans and the trips that they were going on. He stayed quietly on the side-lines as I did, knowing perfectly well about my situation. I couldn't answer their questions. All I could do was excuse myself from the classroom and from the conversation. I could sense the expression of worry on Kurosaki's face as I left the room. Nobody else knew but Kurosaki. 

When my parents and siblings left for the trip on the 23rd of December, I stayed in my bedroom. I refused to see them off in any way. Whether it was from the front doors or my bedroom window. They could all go die. As childish as the sentence was, I truly wished for it. Then I could be alone for good. Every year, on Christmas. I could sit alone in the house and go outside during Christmas when I needed some fresh air. Which ios what I needed at the moment. I could never stay in the house for a long time at these moments. I had to get out. Usually I would wander around until it was late enough to go home and sleep. So that was my plan for Christmas. I got out of the house in my winter coat and scarf. I stuffed my hands into my pockets and started walking down the street with my head hung low. I got the train into town where all of the couples and groups of friends roamed around, enjoying the street lights and stores. I wandered on the outskirts of that. My wandering brought me to the beach. It was empty, of course. Just the ocean and the snow - covered sand. It was...peaceful. The sound of the waves and the shade of the navy blue sky. I felt at peace. At least, that's how it started. When the figure came into view, I felt unease and discomfort in their presence. 

Why? "Why are you here?" I asked the figure when I was up close. They stared out into the distance of the ocean, and then looked at me with a goofy grin. It was no surprise. "Kurosaki, why are you here?" I repeated the question, calling his name. Standing there in his own winter coat with both hands in his pockets, Kurosaki smiled at me as if this was just a normal day. It wasn't. "What do you mean?". "Don't play dumb. Don't do this. You're supposed to be on the trip with your parents". "Oh, yeah, that". Kurosaki spoke while scratching the back of his head. "I, uh, I got left behind. My parents double check all of their luggage but forget to pack me. Unbelievable, right?" No. I knew what he was trying to do. It wasn't going to work. Taking pity on me in a cliché way like that wasn't going to work on me. "Hey, by the way, I made a lot of curry yesterday and I can't exactly finish it by myself. Wanna help clean my parents dishes?" "But...Kurosaki...". "Come on. It's pretty spicy, too so...". As Kurosaki began to walk ahead, I grabbed his arm and just held it. "Stop...". I muttered. "Please...stop this...". Kurosaki's eyes were wide with suprise but immediately softened. "Heh, do I have to drag you? Come on. I really need your help". What could I do? Kurosaki was showing sympathy for me in the weirdest way. I could have said no and left him there. But I didn't. I didn't speak. Instead I let go of his arm and followed. Maybe Kurosaki's company would make me feel better. I may have thought that just a little but I felt like a burden. My problems were mine only when it involved my family. Having someone as kind as Kurosaki created an iron weight on my chest. I didn't want that. 

Arriving at Kurosaki's house, he lead me into the kitchen. Flicking on the light, everything became clear. Two pots sat on the stove. Did he really make curry? "I was cooking for about four days worth of dinner and I ended up making way too much. Sit your ass down anmd I'll serve some". I hesitantly sat down at the table as Kurosaki poured curry onto two plates. "Oh, and I really appreciate this help. Eating all of this alone would kill me". Kurosaki served a plate to me and sat down with his. "Thanks for the food". He said, digging in. What was he up to? "Thank you for the food". I said, beginning to eat, too. "How is it? Pretty good, right?" "Yes. It is. Kurosaki, you didn't have to do this. I was okay on my own". "What are you talking about? I was the lonely one. I spent a whole day in the kitchen making curry! I might as well have been sitting at the table eating a sad little microwave meal. Screw that". Kurosaki was acting inconsiderate towards me. Was this to throw me off or...to cheer me up? "I would have loved to spend the holiday's with Mitsuki and I'm stuck with my best friend, a man, eating curry like chumps. What the hell?" Was he really? If so then...it was...kind of working. I felt the weight on my chest lift. "That reminds me!" Kurosaki got up from his chair and searched through the kitchen drawer, eventually pulling something out. A game? "This is my first eroge game. It's not wrapped and I'll only let you borrow it since it was limited edition". And then I felt it upon hearing those words. The weight was gone, replaced by a snicker, then a chuckle, and finally a laugh that I couldn't hold down or hide. "Hahahaha...Ku - Kurosaki...you idiot. You're such an idiot...haha...hah...". Kurosaki smiled warmly, putting the game down on the table. He approached me. And then... 

I stopped laughing...and simply froze. Kurosaki wrapped his arms around me, petting my hair. "I know that this isn't what you wanted, but I've been dying to give you a big hig since the beach". I felt calm. The weight should have come back but it didn't. I only felt a warmth that I had not felt in years. Being hugged like this felt so new. "Kurosaki...I...". "You don't have to say anything. I know how you feel about people taking pity on you, but I don't want to do that. I just want to be there for you, like now". I hugged Kurosaki back. I didn't know whether to hit him or smile at him. Everything was such a blur. Everything except Kurosaki's warmth and his gentle words. "Merry Christmas, Kizami". I couldn't speak. Not until Kurosaki pulled away from me. "I really...I'm speechless. What do I say?" "I told you. You don't have to say anything. Let's just eat some more curry and then be lazy on the sofa". Kurosaki sat back down to finish his meal. I shook my head in disbelief of the situation. Still, I smiled through the disbelief.

After at least two servings of curry, Kurosaki and I slumped on the couch, stuffed from dinner. "Holy crap, that was good". "It was. Good job, Kurosaki". "Thanks, man. Appreciate it". I stared at the unlit Christmas tree in the corner of the room. It matched our laziness and lack of energy. "So, Kurosaki, be serious. What happened with the trip?" "I actually convinced my parents to go on without me. I told them that I had to be here for my nest friend, and they understood. So that's that". "So this was all just to cheer me up?" "Yup. I know how depressing this is for you. I'm glad thatyou did cheer up. Plan B was to tickle you until you smiled". "Wow. That's desperate". "I know...". "What was plan C?" Kurosaki smirked, looking away. "There was no plan C". "Kurosaki, I know you. There has to be a plan C". "There wasn't. Shut up". I chuckled. Kurosaki joined me, rolling his eyes. "Haha...Okay, that's enough playing around. Want some coffee?" "I would love some". "Hah! You said the L word. By the way, as well as curry,I make the best ccoffee. So sit tight". Kurosaki got up and headed to the kitchen once again. How many times was he planning to make me smile? 

We drank our coffee. I stood by the wall while Kurosaki put the lights on for the tree. "Here we go". He said, putting the plug in and flicking the switch. Each light lit up like tiny flames of different colours. Kurosaki stood next to me to admire the decoration. "It's really pretty, huh?" Kurosaki asked, nudging my elbow. "I suppose". "What, you got a problem with my dad's decorating skills?" I leaned against the wall with a deep sigh. "This was fun, Kurosaki. Really". "I'm happy to hear that". My eyes wandered up as something caught my eye. "Kurosaki, what's that?" "Hm...?" Up above us, hanging on the wall, was a small type of plant with white berries. "Oh...that. That's, um, mistletoe. The tradition is that once two people stand under it they...uh...they kiss". Kiss? I blushed at the very word. Kurosaki also had a shade of pink on his cheeks. "What do you want to do?" I asked. "Heh, this is so ironic". Kurosaki averted his gaze to the side, rubbing the nape of his neck nervously. "How so?" "W-well. I lied". "Lied...?" "My, uh, my plan C. It was...to kiss you". My heart skipped a beat. But as the seconds went by it felt like my heart stopped completely. What could I do now? What do I do? 

"Sorry. That's stupid, isn't it? We can just back away. U-unless...". "Unless what?" "Unless...you want to kiss me?" My heart was now racing. My face felt hot. I've never kissed before. And I could safely say that Kurosaki had never kissed either. Butfor the two of us to kiss. Wasn't that weird? "Wh-what am I saying? I'm being stupid. I-". "Okay...". I answered without thinking. Or was I thinking about it, albeit momentarily? Kurosaki's expression froze into suprise. His cheeks grew redder. "Just a peck, though. Nothing changes after it, okay?" "Just a peck". Kurosaki repeated. Nothing would change. Not our neutral feelings, not our relationship, not our friendship. This would only be a quick and friendly kiss. "Okay. I...I'm ready". Kurosaki closed his eyes. I leaned in slowly, gradually closing my eyes. There was only silence. All was silent except for my pounding heartbeat. Then all of a sudden, a moist warmth touched my lips. It was soft and sweet. But only for a second did I brush my lips against it. I pulled away with heat in my face and a steel hammer in my chest. I opened my eyes. Kurosaki looked at me with a kind and gentle smile. "Nothing changes". He said. "Nothing changes". I repeated with a nod. 

Nothing did for the rest of middle school. We remained close friends and that's all it was. It was like our momentary kiss never happened. But we remembered it eventually. During our first year of high school, aged sixteen, we found that the memory of that Christmas caught up to us on one particular day. And that memory, that feeling...it changed our relationship in so many ways. It became a point in our lives that decided what was, what was going to be and what could have been. It was the beginning of our entire adulthood of ups and downs, like the beginning of a roller coaster. With that kiss, our future was decided for better...or for worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did iiiiiiiiiiiit!!! I finally get to move on to the high school years! Be prepared for it because this is when the real sh*t happens!


	13. He Opens His Heart To Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are once again. This is the start of Kizami and Kurosaki's years in highschool. From year one to three. From ages sixteen to eighteen, I guess? This is also when the proper romantic stuff begins so sit your butts down and enjoy.

Kurosaki's POV 

High School had come around in no time flat. Summer was here as our new year was. Our new year at Byakuden Senior High. The three years in a persons life that's full of many new feelings and experiences. Whether they were good or bad ones. I was always one to embrace whatever good came my way with a bright and enthusiastic attitude. My next three years would be the ones to look back on and remember. My studies, my classes, my new opportunities, my teachers and my friends. In the beginning of the year, I had a few good friends from junior high. They all had varied personalities and I had different approaches towards them.

First of all, there was Mitsuki. Ah, Mitsuki. Pretty, smart, courageous, enthusiastic and a classroom boss woman, in the nicest way possible, of course. Then there was Fukuroi. I considered him as a good friend, despite his stick-in-the-mud attitude. He was a great guy, smart too. He was thinking about applying for student council president. To my surprise, Mitsuki offered to run for becoming his colleague. I see the way he stares at her sometimes. Strangely, I'm not mad or jealous or anything. I'm actually supporting him, in a way. Let the best man win, I suppose. Next is Kirisaki. She still has a mega crush on Kizami. Everyone knows it, even him. I wondered when she was planning on confessing to him. Well, in my heart, I wished her luck. Katayama and Ohkawa were the otaku in our group. I became close to them as we bonded over anime and new games that came out. They were dorks but they were still pretty cool. Urabe was a quiet girl. She appeared that way at first. Once you get to know her, you find out how sweet, kind and docile she is. She's also an amazing cook. I even learned a few things from her. Then there was Shimada. If I'm honest, he's a bit of a douche-bag. One day he sort of just...came into our group with the look of a delinquent in his eyes. His red, styled hair and single piercing was kind of a giveaway. That and his attitude. But I am grateful for his gift of my first porn magazine. So thank you, Shimada. 

That was my group in high school. We were close friends with different personalities, hopes and dreams. But when it really came down to it, the one person who I could talk to about my problems, my anxieties, my dreams for the future...It was all my best friend, Kizami. He changed a lot since junior highschool. He grew tall and strong in body. His blue eyes had matured as his demeanour did. His voice deepened so much that he started to sound like Tomokazu Sugita (Kizami's voice actor). Joking aside, he changed in personality as well. The wall that he built around himself only grew as he did. Even towards me. He didn't talk about his family a lot. Never, in fact. He never used his siblings names. He would refer to them as sis or bro. He stopped referring to his parents as mom and dad. It was just 'them' or 'they'. I didn't know what to think about it. It made me wonder if something happened again. But I couldn't ask. If it really wasn't my buisness then I had to respect that. I couldn't possibly just...ask. If Kizami wanted to talk about it in his own time then I would be patient and listen. That's how I've always felt. 

On one particular evening, the late afternoon, I invited Kizami over to stay for the night. It had been a while since we last had a sleepover. Plus, it was a Saturday so no school the next day. "Kurosaki, aren't we a bit too old to be having sleepovers? We're sixteen. I think the only time that we should sleep ove is during long study periods". "That's not fun. Come on, it'll be great. We can stay up late, play video games, watch movies and just talk". "Talk about what, exactly?" "Anything. We could talk about anything at all. Come on, Kizami. For old times sake". Kizami sighed as if he had no choice. He really had changed. "Okay. Let me pick up some things at the house and I'll come by your house, okay?" "Alright, then. I'll see you there". Kizami went his own way in the street, towards his house. I went straight home. We had just finished our half day at school, like every Saturday, so I was still in my uniform. When I got home, I immediately rushed to my room after taking off my shoes. I didn't know why I was excited for Kizami to come over after several months of going back to our own homes during the weekend. Maybe it was due to the memories of our past sleepovers. They were fun and I got to have conversations with Kizami that I never have at school. 

Kizami arrived in casual clothes with his usual backpack that he brings when staying over. My mom greeted him by the living room with a smile. She told us that dinner would be ready soon. "Alright, mom, thanks". I said as I lead Kizami upstairs. "Would you like some tea before dinner?" "Kizami...?" "No, thank you"."Thanks, anyway, mom". "Okay, you boys have fun". Please try to organise your context better, mom. Kizami and I were teens already. I had started to grow hair in other places besides my head (even though anime characters have no such hair). My spiked up hair will forever be spiked up. Kizami could at least comb his hair - but he always keeps the bedhead look. I parked my butt on the floor, by the bookshelf. Most of the 'books' that I have include manga or study books. It's about half and half, I think. I took out the console controllers which I had displayed on the second shelf. "Alright, which video game do wanna play before dinner?" Kizami sat down next to me with a straight posture, no surprises there. "I don't really mind. Any is fine". "Okay. I'll just pick one. I bought a new visual novel on Sunday. I haven't had the chance to play it yet". "Alright, then. Why not?" "Sure. Oh, apparently there's a secret route were you can go out with your best friend. I heard from Katayama and Ohkawa that she's really cute". "You do realise that it's not real, right?" "Of course, but where's the fun in that?" I turned on my console and placed the disc in it's rightful compartment. The menu screen came up like any visual novel. Bright and colourful, while showing all of the characters huddled together. "Wow, just from the title screen you can tell that the graphics are gonna be good". I pressed the action button on my controller to select 'start', and the game began. 

We had gotten through all of the girls and their introductions before being able to make a choice. But by the time that happened, it was already dinner. Mom called us down, I saved the game at its current state and turned of the console. "We could continue later. When we return, we can figure out a route". "Sure. I don't understand why you are so into it, though". "Is it boring?" "Not really. It's just...confusing, really". "Confusing? I guess we can have this discussion later. Mom is waiting for us". All three four of us sat at the dinner table. Kizami, mom, dad, and me. My parents had their conversations about work and such. I was never interested in it so I didn't talk. But since Kizami was sitting right next to me, I felt like I could have a conversation of our own. Kizami mainly nodded along and gave a response when I asked a question. He's awkward like that. I don't have a problem with it, of course. That's the way he is in the end. "How's the food, boy's?" My mom asked, awaiting an answer of praise. "Delicious, mom. Like always". "I'm glad. Yuuya, what do you think?" "It's great. A lot better than my cooking". "Nonsense. I bet that your cooking is wonderful". Kizami had a gentle but fake smile, like the one that he usually presented to my parents. I could guess why. His parents aren't like my parents, that was always clear to me. They haven't changed, have they? "After dinner, you can both go upstairs and wash up. The bath should be ready by then, so...". "Woah, woah, woah! What?!" I stopped my mother, suprised. "M-mom, Kizami and I are both men who are just friends. Isn't that weird?" "Not really. Come on, you're definitely close enough"."You're mother is right, son. There's nothing wrong with it if you're just friends. Unless you're hiding something from us?" "No way! We're not kids either. We're nearly adults. Doing something like that is...Come on, Kizami, back me up here". "I don't mind. If it's Kurosaki then I'm okay with it". My heart sank in defeat. "Kizami...I expected better from you". Kizami protested once before about taking a bath with me. So, what, is this the land of switching now?! I sighed. "Okay, fine...B-but just once". "Kensuke, are you alright? Your face is re-". "Gwahah! Let's go, Kizami!" I took hold of Kizami's wrist and lead him out of the kitchen. While I did I could hear my parents voices. "Wow, you'd think that our son would put up more of a fight". "Maybe he is...". "I can hear you! I like girls! Girls, goddammit!" I dragged Kizami upstairs as I protested. He didn't resist at all. 

(Warning: Bath scene. Nothing Yaoi related. I just felt like there needed to be a warning) 

The bath was fully prepared for...us. A fog covered the bathroom mirror from the steam of the hot water. My heart thumped at the thought of being fully exposed to Kizami. He seemed totally unphased by the whole idea. I averted my eyes from him. "Um, there are towels on your side. We could use them to, y'know, cover up". "Good idea. Uh, this is pretty awkward, huh?" "You can say that again. Geez, let's just get it over with". I started to strip, beginning with my shirt. I heard the rustling of clothes behind me. It sent a shiver down my spine. This was really embarrassing. When I was a kid, I had a lot less shame. Why?! I quickly wrapped a towel around my waist when I was exposed. Only my chest and legs were presented. "Alright, you can look now". I turned to look at Kizami, and all of my anxiety disappeared. "Woah, Kizami. You are fiiiiiiiine". I was only joking but Kizami took it to heart. "What's that supposed to mean?" Kizami had a really great body. Slim figure but sstrong and chiselled muscles. I was a bit envious as well as in admiration. "It means that you got sexy. Well, not as sexy as me". "Heh, alright then, Kurosaki. You're more cute than sexy". I scowled. "Cute? I mean, that's correct. But you don't think I'm sexy?" I gave a fake innocent look. Kizami just chuckled. "Haha, no, I don't. You're just cute". Kizami approached, ruffling my hair. "H-hey! Cut it out! My calve muscles are sexy, though. Right?" "Sure they are. Now let's hurry before the water gets cold". My face warmed up again. "S-sure...".

I went into the water first, covering up myself and staring at the wall until Kizami got in. We ended up back-to-back so that we could both keep our modesty. Luckily the bath was big enough for us both. I stared at the wall and the faucets at the end of the tub. The whole room was silent but the echoing plip...plip...plip of the faucets. "Hey, Kurosaki". Kizami broke that silence. "Are you alright with this? I can understand how embarrassing this must be". "W-well, yeah. Only because we're two guys and...you're my best friend. It a bit weird for me". "That's reasonable. To tell you the truth, I'm embarrassed too. This is something that I haven't done with someone else in a long time. Although it's embarrassing, I'm also glad that it's with you, Kurosaki". "Kizami, you-...!" I let out a tiny gasp when I felt a warm pair of arms wrap around me, a warm chest leaned into my back. "Ki-Kizami! I...!" "Don't worry. I'm not looking at anything". Even as he said that, I collected my legs into my chest. "Kurosaki, when we get out, I'll wash your back, okay?" "S-sure. I can do the same for you, I guess". My face must have been bright red. If it got any hotter, I was afraid of passing out! Kizami pulled away from me. The water splished and splashed behind me until calm. Kizami had gotten out. I decided to join him, attempting to not look at anything again. 

Kizami sat in front of me after washing my back. It wasn't so bad, actually. I started scrubbing Kizami's back with care. His muscles aligned perfectly. Shoulders, shoulder blades, ribs ans spine. They had their perfect shape. I could also see the beginning of Kizami's butt. "Nice ass, by the way". I pointed out without shame. "Hey, I didn't make comments". "I know, I know. I just can't get over the fact that you have a perky butt, that's all". When it came to joking around, I was myself. I couldn't really get embarrassed as I was making Kizami equally embarrassed. Or so I thought. "Is that so? I believe that you have quite a round behind". "Were you staring? That's really perverted, Kizami. Shame on you". "Not as perverted as youk Kurosaki. I see how you stare at me". "Yeah, right". I pickedup the shower head and turned it on, blasting water on Kizami's back. He gasped and jolted in surprise. "Mwahaha! How's that?" "That's it. If you're going to be that way...". Kizami announced, turning around and pinning me to the floor. "Waah! K-Kizami?! Wha-hahh!" I gasped, feeling a quick set of fingers scurry all over my sides. It tickled immensely. "Wah...haha, ha, haha...Kizami...c-cut it out! Tha-haahaha! It tickles!" The shower head continued to go off until the ticklish sensation stopped and I was able turn off the water, 

Kizami stopped tickling me, leaving me to pant breathlessly. "Haah...haha...You jerk, Kizami". "You started it, Kurosaki". That was true. I accepted that. But to tickle me until I could barely breath was cheating. I slowly caught my breath, but Kizami didn't move. His broad shadow cast over me. I could feel the world stand still around me. All went still but us. Me and Kizami. This moment...It was like something out of an anime or visual novel. I had the strongest feeling that I would end up kissing Kizami on the bathroom floor. The mood seemed right. So, what the hell. Why not. Curiosity was overtaking my thoughts. My heart thumped hard in my chest. Kizami slowly, ever so slowly, inched his face closer towards me. I didn't resist or question it. I just lay there, eyes closed. I could feel his sweet breath on my cheeks and the warmth of his face. I readied myself for it. And then... 

"Boys, are you still in there?!" I heard my mom's voice from behind the front door. We both jolted a little, snapping out of our trance. "Yeah, mom! We're almost finished". "Well, you should get out now so that you don't get dizzy". I heard her footsteps walk further away from the door. Kizami and I looked at eachother for a moment...and laughed. We both sat up. What happened just then was pretty ridiculous. Kissing Kizami? Yeah, right. "Uhh, let's just forget about that". "Agreed...". I sighed happily. This wasn't the worst experience that I've ever had. It's not the most embarrassing either. Kizami and I shared a laugh. Better to forget what just happened. 

Later that night, when Kizami and I had changed into our t-shirts and boxer shorts for bed, I went into the kitchen for some snacks. A plate of cookies, potato chips, two cans of tea and some small candies. I went back to my room, carrying each. The world was pitch black outside. Not a star in the sky due to the many lights that filled Japan. Surely every city and town was filled with burning lights, blocking out the stars. I entered my bedroom, setting everything down on the small table in the center of the room. Kizami sat comfortably on the floor, taking one of the cans of tea. I sat down next to him, exiting the pause menu on the continuation of our game. I took a cookie and placed it inbetween my lips for a bite. Kizami opened up the small tub with a chocolate dip and small cookie sticks. "I didn't know that you liked those". "Were you intending to have this?" "No. I picked up some random candy and that was one of them. Heh, I guess that you never really know what a persons likes are". "Mm. That's true. Like how you went for the best friend route in this game, even though they have only spoken through social media". "We'll find out about her right now, so relax. This scene is when we get to meet up with her. I'm excited. I bet that she's really cute". "Kurosaki, don't take it too seriously. This is fiction". "I know. But I can't help but get really into the game". I clicked along, reading out the text quietly as my parents had gone to bed. My room was completely dark, aside from the light from the TV. The scene in my game had gotten to the front door, the protagonist knocked three times and waited. A flash of white filled the screen, and a CG appeared. My eyes widened. "Eh? Ehh? D-did Ohkawa and Katayama play a prank on me or am I seeing things? Huh?" "Well, well, that was unexpected". Kizami said normally, unphased by the situation, taking a sip of his tea. 

In the CG, the best friend character was...a boy! Standing happily in the doorway was a boy - a really cute one, too! My head drooped. "No way...All this time...?" "What's the big deal?" "Kizami, I never expected the secret route to be yaoi! This is rated-x! That means that we're going to...Gah...We're already on the good route...". Kizami sighed, patting my back. "Kurosaki, why don't you just finish it so that we can both go to bed. You were set on finishing one route today, so why not persist? I'm here, too. If it's too much we can turn it off, okay?" "Right...You're right. I can do this...". I continued with the text, going through each scene with a heavy heart. The protagonist was just as suprised as I was. Afterall, they had only spoken through their computers. The best friend did seem like a girl with his interests and choice of words. He even said that he liked the protagonist romantically, but I never saw that one coming. The scene had gotten really romantic. ("Tomoya-kun,"). The best friend, Rin-chan, spoke softly to our protagonist, the character portrait blushed. This was becoming hard to watch. ("I...I love you. I...I really do. Even though you and I are boys, I still think that I'm in love with you"). I looked to Kizami. He stared at the screen in an emotionless fascinating with the scene that was unfolding before our eyes. He held his can of tea to his lips but didn't take a sip. I clicked along. ("Tomoya-kun...Do you...feel the same way about me? You said that you really liked me, but I assume that you thought of me as a girl. I'm not surprised. Usually other boys call me cute and lovable until they find out that I'm a guy. But I never felt this way before. Not towards them, just you, Tomoya-kun!") Now I didn't know what to think. It was such a heartfelt confession. Two choices faded onto the screen. Either apologise and say that you would rather stay best friends, or say that you love him too - boy or not. 

I wasn't sure. I didn't know. Throughout the game, the protagonist had went after girls. But now he was faced with a serious decision. Something like this doesn't happen in real life. It can be as easy to accept another man's feelings after wanting a girlfriend for your whole teenage life. What if something like that were to happen? If a straight man accepts his best friend's feelings, even though he's a man, how would that work out in the end? I didn't know. "It might not work out". Kizami finally spoke. He spoke honest words that completed my skepticism. "They're friends - close friends. If they started a relationship and it didn't work out, what would happen to their closeness? It would inevitably shatter. But this is fiction. Give them their happy ending and leave it at that so no one would have to feel bad". Kizami was right. I was overthinking things. I decided to do just that, to give them a happy ending. ("Rin-chan, I love you too. Even if we are of the same sex, it doesn't matter. I love you for you") ("*gasp* Tomoya-kun!") Another CG appeared, showing Rin-chan leap into the protagonist's arms. They were both smiling, Rin-chan with tears in his eyes. My heart felt heavy again, beside this empty feeling. I wasn't being negative, just realistic. Watching the scene made me wonder if it was that easy for two men to be together. Is it as easy for two women to be together? Maybe they wouldn't be discriminated as much. Maybe I'm wrong. I shouldn't just assume these things. It just...sounds more unlikely. "Kurosaki, it's late. Even if we didn't finish the route. I'm tired. Let's continue another day, alright?" "Yeah, okay, buddy. I'm tired too. Let's go to bed after we finish our tea". I yawn, saving the game and turning it off completely. Kizami sipped the rest of his tea, throwing it in the trash can nearby. I finished mine off, too, yawning after throwing it out. 

It had gotten pretty late by the time that Kizami and I got into my bed. We both lay still, staring at the ceiling. "Hey, Kizami,". I began, turning on my side. "Yeah? You're not asleep yet?" "Nuh-uh. Um, it was fun today, huh?" "It was. I haven't bathed with another person in years. This was the first time with you". "You say that like it was really nice and romantic. Did you want to see me nude that much?" KKizami turned on his side, too - which startled me, as we were now face to face. "I don't know. It was kind of thrilling, don't you think?" "Which part? Seeing me naked or getting thecchance to tickle me?" "I never saw you naked. But the whole time was thrilling. All of it. Especially when...". Kizami stopped himself, lowering his eyes away from mine. "Huh? Kizami?" "Nevermind. It's nothing". "Ehhh? Are you talking about our heated moment?" I jokingly implied our near-kiss, wiggling my eyebrows. But Kizami looked calm and serious. "...Yes". "Wha - Seriously? Well, you're not wrong. I'm an open minded person, but I would never think of doing that. So, yeah, it was a thrill. Still, I'm glad that we didn't do it. Could you imagine how awkward that would be?" "I can't.TThat's how awkward it would be". Kizami and I shared a quiet laugh. Things were still in balance between us. That's good. "Hey, Kizami, tell me because I'm curious. You sort of took the lead when we almost...you know...I was just wondering if you really wanted to or if it was just a spur of the moment. For me, it was just a brief rush of excitement and curiosity, I suppose". Kizami thought for a second. He then shifted until comfortable, his eyes still lowered. "Well, yeah. I wouldn't have done something like that with a woman". "Seriously?! Wow, this is something that I never thought that I would hear from you, Kizami. Wait...are you...?" Kizami barely shook his head. "It's not like that at all, Kurosaki. I don't look at men in that way. My theory is that if you're really close to someone with a kind heart and an open mind then curiosity can naturally come around, no matter what gender they are. If you both share a deep trust then a kiss would be both exciting and comforting. Don't you think?" I never knew what went on in Kizami's head. I never considered it. He was always intelligent but that was...deep. "Wow, Kizami. You're...right. You're definitely right". "I guess. It's just my theory on sexual curiosity. Many humans are straight. That's only natural for population to grow. I just don't understand why they judge others based on sexual preference". "I know. There's nothing wrong with it. Plus, friends that aren't a little gay with eachother aren't close enough. Hahah...". "Hmhm, I suppose. But that sounds a bit weird". "You're weird". We shared another quiet chuckle. I've never talked about these things with Kizami before. He opened up his heart and spoke honesty. It made me happy to find out his opinions. The way that he spoke gave me the impression that Kizami preferred men from women, and I was more than happy to hear that. Knowing that Kizami trusted me enough to talk about these things and express his feelings put a smile on my face. It warmed my heart. 

"Kurosaki, you look tired. We should get some sleep". "Good idea. I'll see you tomorrow, Kizami". "Of course. Goodnight". I turned on my other side, towards the wall. I then heard the bed creak softly behind me. "Oh, and Kurosaki...I have no romantic or sexual interest in men or women. Not all of themk anyway". What? Why say a thing like that? What did he mean? I said nothing, curious but with no questions to ask. I remained silent, burying my face into the pillow to drift off to sleep. If Kizami doesn't like either men or women then...what? Am I being totally oblivious or am I subconsciously denying something? I wasn't sure. Not at the time, anyway. Not then...but much later on in our highschool years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have seen the beginning of Corpse Party Book Of Shadows chapter 1, you will understand why I did this, but with Kizami and Kurosaki. That beginning made me shake my head in disapproval. It was more than unnecessary, just like this - but I'm doing it. :|
> 
> I have no shame...
> 
> Also, romance will come soon, I promise!


	14. He Makes Good Company

Kizami's POV 

It was during a Thursday, a school day, when I was once again alone with Kurosaki. Recently, being with him is more intimate as two close friends, and closer still. Growing up with an Aries, I have learned so much from such an enthusiastic, energetic and optimistic person. I find it strange how I can confide to him about anything. Yet, there may be some things that I am unable to share with him. Things that I comprehend myself, but also subjects that I am more than unsure of. Why do I feel like this? I don't understand at all. Of course, a being like me could never understand.

I felt a gentle shake on my shoulder. It was evident that I was daydreaming as everything in my vision became clear. A gentle voice called out to me. "Kizami, hey. Snap out of it". "Huh...?" Though gentle, Kurosaki's voice sent a pulse through my brain, waking my up my attention span. I looked at him at his desk, he smiled with eyes of concern or worry. "Oh...Sorry, Kurosaki. Did you need something?" "No. It's just...you were dozing off there. Is everything okay with you? You're spacing out a lot today. Did something happen?" "Not at all. I just...I have a bit of a headache, that's all". Kurosaki retracted his hand, his expression making it evident that he was still worrying over me. "We could go see the school nurse if you don't feel well. Just say the word, okay". "Thank you for your concern. I mean it". Kurosaki went back to concentrating on his assignment. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. I had already finished anyway. I needed a break. The harsh thumping in my head was distracting enough. On and on. Hot and painful. I rarely ever received headaches or migraines. But this one was just harsh and annoying. I groaned, placing my head carefully on the cool desk. "Hm? Kizami, are you finished with your essay?" I could sense several eyes on me, including the teacher's. She was trying to be clever and catch me out because my head was on my desk. "Yes, Sensei". "Good. Now, could you please raise your head". "Yes. Excuse me, Sensei". I raised my head, sitting up straight in the process. The side of my head returned to throbbing once more. Shit...Why now? Why of all days did I have to have one now? 

Luckily, it subsided by the start of gym class, final period. In the men's locker room, I immediately went to one of the sinks to wash my face. Maybe it would help. "Hey, what's up with you?" Shimada's voice came through the enterance to the restroom section of the lockers. He leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed and his blazor off. I ignored him, walking past him to find my locker. "Oi...!" He grabbed my arm with force. "Don't ignore me, turd. You wanna fight?!" "Get off of me. I don't want to deal with you today". I quickly retracted my arm from his loose grip. Shimada clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Tch...Whatever". Good thing he didn't persist and talk back. The man has more bark than bite, either one is a bother. I went to my locker, beginning to change into my gym clothes. Pulling down my shirt I could sense several pairs of eyes staring at me once more. Why were they staring. Kurosaki was standing next to me with a smirk plastered on his lips. "Hehe, I think they're jealous". Kurosaki whispered, patting my back softly. Jealous? "Whoo, nice abs, Kizami-san...". One of the other male students in the locker room commented with a whistle. I sighed. "No wonder you've got girls drooling from a distance". "Come on, guys, don't tease him". Kurosaki may have stepped in but it failed to help. "Ah, whatever. Bastard doesn't know what to do with it". Shimada walked out, changed into his gym clothes, as he said that. Some of the other delinquents followed him like sheep. Kurosaki pulled on his shirt, adjusting it. "Are you almost ready?" "Go on ahead. I wouldn't want you to be held up". "Nah, I'll wait. It's just basketball. Neither of us are star players, so who would miss us?". There was no need to wait for me. But this was Kurosaki, a person who can't help but be attentive to me, just like his mother. 

Class had finished, so had the day. Only just after getting changed were we asked to clean up the gym and put all of the basketballs into the indoor storeroom, underneath the gym and the pool room. By we, I mean me and Kurosaki. "Well this sucks". Kurosaki said casually, almost as if it didn't really bother him. Maybe he thought it was better to have me help than anyone else. Two by two, we carried each ball over to the storage and dumped them in the large box that was inconveniently positioned at the very back of the closet, where it was too dark to see anything. We got it done eventually. Kurosaki stretched, I could still see his slim figure in the darkness. "Now that that's done, we can go home". "Yes, thank god". I picked up my bag from the floor. "Tonight we're having hot pot for dinner, to celebrate my dad's premonition at work". "Is that so? Tell him congratulations from me". "I will. Uhh...I'm getting hungry just thinking about it". Kurosaki rubbed his stomach which growled in want. I chuckled. "Well then, we should probably-". I was interupted by a loud slam of the storage room door. Everything went completely dark. "Oh, shit...". Kurosaki muttered. "No, no, no...". Kurosaki rushed over to the door, the thump of his bag hitting the ground by my feet. He knocked on the door several times, ccalling out to whoever shut the door. "H-hey! We're still in here! Hello?! Is this a joke?! If it is, please stop! Helloooooo?!" Kurosaki banged on the door louder but nothing came of it. There was nothing but a cold shoulder from whoever locked us in. Kurosaki even tried opening the door but nothing happened. We were trapped in this enclosed and dark space with little to no escape. Not until someone came along, anyway. 

All of Kurosaki's attempts in calling someone out for help was futile. The last resort we had was to call for help with our cellphones. Unfortunately, there was no signal whatsoever. Kurosaki did what he could to attempt to get a signal, including; standing up, walking around the room and pointing his cellphone in all different directions, but there was nothing. "Damn it...". Kurosaki cursed, sitting back down on the mattress beside me with a thump of soft air. "Now what?" He asked. I could only see Kurosaki's figure in the dark. His expression was behind the dark. I couldn't read that at all but I could at least read the tones in his voice. So far all I heard was disappointment. I shrugged, although he couldn't see it, surely. "I really don't know. The school should be closing in a few hours. My guess is that no one is in the P.E department anymore. The last person must have been the person who closed the door". "Great...". A hard thump creased the mattress down next to me. Kurosaki lied down without a care anymore. Was this the same Kurosaki who would always try and be happy in these situations saying ; 'There has to be a way'. Maybe his justification for giving up is being late for his family's hot pot tonight. Coincidentally, the moment that theory faded into my brain ever so casually, a soft grumble emitted from the darkness, coming from Kurosaki and his empty stomach. I would have chuckled if I didn't think of this as a serious situation. Well, it was and it wasn't. Someone would definitely find us tomorrow. Oxygen wasn't a problem becauseof the small ventilation system in the roo. This wasn't a life or death situation. However, we wouldn't be able to eat anything for the rest of the night.

I myself fell backwards into the sinking mattress. The darkness around me was still and silent with only another being by my side. In a way, it felt like one of our sleepovers. Just me and Kurosaki in the dark, on a soft mattress, allowing the silence to fill our ears like a soft piano melody. Something surfaced my biscep and shoulder subtly. Soft and warm, but somewhat firm. Kurosaki's arm was against my own. He didn't pull away or even flinch. He accepted. Carelessly, I turned my head in his direction. Every few seconds, I felt warm and sweet breath on my face. "Hey, Kizami,". He began. "Are you glad that you're with me?" A question like that, from him, didn't require thought or doubt. "Yeah. I'm glad that I'm with you, Kurosaki". "Me too...W-with you, I mean". These brief moments that felt like hours gone by...They were always so intimate and carefree. Neither of us felt fear of what could happen next. No fear, no resistance, no shame, no thought. Only the same curiosity that arises in the form of a thumping heartbeat and heat on our faces. The excitement was endless in those moments. Never have I been so flustered. 

How could I let this go on? This wasn't me. This wasn't me at all. "Kurosaki, I-". "Hey, what's that?" I spoke in an inaudible voice so it was no suprise that Kurosaki interupted me. I wasn't mad at him, I was concerned with whatever he was talking about. Since I couldn't see his expression, I had no idea where he was looking. I simply followed when Kurosaki stood up, his standing pushing the mattress down even further. I stood up also, clumsily. By reflex, I leaned against the wall next to us. Looking up, a realisation struck a cord within me. We found our means of getting out. "That's it. That window. It leads to the indoor swimming pool". "Seriously?! I totally forgot about that!" Kurosaki exclaimed, probably feeling a little stupid. "I've been in the P.E department hundreds of times - how could I not remember this? Quick, let's use a pommel horse or something to get up there". Together we dragged the gym's pommel horse towards the window on the wall. It was just inbetween the wall and the ceiling so it was a little high up. Being highschool students, and active one's at that, we're tall and fit enough to climb through the window. It looked big enough for us both. Firstly, Kurosaki mounted the apparatus and opened the window before swiftly climbing through. I slid our bags through before exiting the storage room myself. 

My body surfaced the cool tile of the pool room. This room was just as dark as the storage. Even so, Kurosaki stared in awe of the empty pool. "Woah...IIt's so much bigger when it's empty. Quiet too". "Hey, don't get any ideas. Let's just go home. The school will lock down completely in a few hours". I passed over his bag, but Kurosaki simply dumped it bag down on the ground with a questionable look on his face. "Are you serious? This is a golden opportunity. This is on my bucket list - to have a swimming pool to myself, even if it's just for a moment". I dumped my bag on the ground too. "What about your family's dinner tonight? I thought that you were looking forward to that". "I am. It's just...". Kurosaki paused to look back at the pool, like a child trying to guilt trip their mother into buying a new toy on the shelf. I couldn't tell if it was amusing or pitiful. I rolled my eyes. Nothing would convince him, it seemed. Whatever. My parents won't care when I come home. They probably had dinner without me again and are currently sitting on their fat asses. "Alright, alright. You win. But only for a little while". Kurosaki's eyes lit up with glee. Something told me that he was going to jump up and hug me. He didn't, though. That was...for the best. "Goodie! Okay, let's turn on the pool lights first. I wanna truely experience this". 

Kurosaki ran off to the small office near the pool. That was where the light switches and drainage pipe was installed. "Hey, no running near the pool!" I called out to him for my own amusement. " Sorry, sir!" He called back, joining in. In a flash, the room lit up with pale lights, both inside and outside of the water. I just strolled over to the water, intending to feel the cool water brush my fingertips as I crouched down. "Woah...This is...amazing". Kurosaki walked back towards the pool, staring at the transparent glow of chlorine and water. I stood up, turning to meet him when I saw him already in the middle of stripping. I stood back and watched with my arms crossed over my chest. "What are you staring at? Strip. Did you think that I wanted to swim here on my own?" Now he was asking the almost impossible. I rarely ever swam anyway, so why now? Kurosaki stared back at me, expectantly, without a shirt and with his pants undone. "Uh, no". I said calmly, but almost sarcastically as if it was more than obvious that I would refuse to enter the water. "Besides, how are you going to swim without a swimsuit?" Kurosaki thought for a moment and then smiled. "Hmm...Skinny dip?" "No...". "Hey, hey, I was kidding. I'll just swim in my boxers. No biggie". Kurosaki took off his pants, throwing them by the pile of his clothes and his bag. "Now, you're turn. Come on, strip. Get naked". Kurosaki's voice was both playful and perverted. He wriggled his fingers like a cartoon and grinned at me as if he wanted to take away my dignity. I backed away slowly. "C'mere. I won't bite. Just stip. I just wanna see you naked". "Pervert...". I sighed. If this is what Kurosaki wanted...It would just be once anyway. Plus, Kurosaki was kind of right. No one would have this opportunity again. So much for being the mature and sensible one. Well, only Kurosaki will know about this anyway. 

I stripped myself of my clothes, aside from my boxers. Kurosaki looked pleased. He whistled upon seeing me. "Alright. Hoo, that is hot. Although, I would have loved to see you naked, too". Kurosaki wiggled his eyebrows at me. "Okay, I get it. Stop staring. At least I'm not a woman. You would violate me right then and there". "Absolutely. Kizami, you would be a sexy DD. Of course I would, as long as I was a girl too". Was this really a conversation? "I would be smaller, no doubt. Maybe a C?" "Don't give yourself so much credit as a woman". "Hey! Female me is greatly offended". Yep, this was indeed a conversation that we were having. I just shook my head. "Okay, ladies first". I said mockingly. "Age before beauty". Kurosaki retorted back. "Fine...". I readied myself at the edge of the pool before taking a swan dive into the water with a heavy splash. My senses dulled for a second under the clear blue water. Kicking my legs, I surfaced, gasping for air. Kurosaki was watching from the solid ground. "A swan dive? You really are a woman. Here's a manly way to dive". Kurosaki took several steps back. I gave him space. A lot of space. Within seconds he was running towards the water, jumping up, holding his legs into his chest and taking a canon ball dive. He surfaced, gasping for breath. I made my way towards him, walking through the pool and the solid tile beneath my feet, pushing my hair back once I reached him. 

"That was awesome". Kurosaki said in an excited tone. He splashed, beads of clear water fflying my way. I flinched away from them. "Don't splash, Kurosaki". "Why not? Have a bit of fun while we're here. Loosen up". Kurosaki swayed his arm through the pool, creating a wave that showered me. "Gah...You little-...". I splashed back, my strength acting as an advantage. My wave was bigger, soaking Kurosaki even more. "Wah! No fair! Take this!" This time Kurosaki fought back with both arms, pushing the water up and over my head. This continued back and forth. Heavy splashing and laughter filled the giant space surrounding us. Every shower was cool and clear, the thick smell of chlorine filling our noses as our bodies were coated in the invisible chemical. The tips of my fingers wrinkled and my hair stuck to my forehead and the back of my neck. Just us, alone once more in an empty space with so many thoughts and feelings running through us that we can hardly keep up. I found myself grabbing onto Kurosaki to finally end the splashing. I wrapped my arm around his torso and held his wrist in one hand. We panted softly against eachother, chuckling and staring into eachothers faces. With our bodies so close to eachother and our eyes so focused on eachother, I would think that this was rather sexual. However I am not talking about kissing or intercourse, but how playful and perverted our interactions were right now. That we could do such things at any moment without thought or a care. But we didn't. The situation bacame mellow and calm and relaxed within a minute or two. Kurosaki pulled away with a sigh. 

"Haa...Wow, that was, eh, pretty fun, huh?" "Y-yeah, you're right. That was fun". "Heh, well, I guess we should get out now, before we freeze our asses off". "Then maybe we shouldn't have done this in the spring". "My bad. But, I don't think that we'll ever have this opportunity again so it was only natural that we would take advantage, right?" We both climbed out of the pool, a blanket of cold shivers ran down my body. And strangely, for a brief second, my head throbbed. "Gah...". "K-Kizami...your nose is bleeding. Hey, you okay?" Kurosaki rushed to my side. Placing my finger to my nose, it became warm and wet. The dark red liquid ran down the curve of my finger, dripping onto the floor. I never had a nosebleed before. I looked to Kurosaki. It wasn't a big deal, surely. I had a headache earlier. Probably high blood pressure. That was all. "I'm fine". I tried to reassure Kurosaki with a hopeless smile. "Hm...okay. Were you perhaps just too aroused by my half-naked body that you couldn't hold back a nosebleed?" "Heh, you wish. Just don't worry about it. I'm really okay". "If you're sure...". I scrambled for my clothes, slipping on each piece with difficulty as the thin, white material of our shirts stuck onto our wet skin. With that in mind, I pulled my sleeves down to my wrists and wore my blazor. "Guh...This feels weird. Let's hurry home. We could go to my place, sound good to you?" "Sure. That sounds fine". We took our bags and rushed out of the school. Fortunately it wasn't locked yet. Some of the staff members were probably still inside. We faced the cold outside and headed straight for the train station. 

Arriving at Kurosaki's house, all the lights had turned off. There was nothing. Only the clatter of Kurosaki's spare key surfacing the table by the enterance. We took our shoes and coats off before officially stepping inside the house. Kurosaki placed his finger over his lips as a signal. In that aspect, we also treaded carefully in the hallway, going towards the kitchen. Once inside, a flick of the light switch made everything clear with blinding light. "Hm, mom must have assumed that I got something while I was out since I wasn't home". Kurosaki whispered. "I'll apologise to her tomorrow. Dad, too". Opening the fridge and one of the cuboards, Kurosaki took out a few food items which consisted of microwavable meals, potato chips and cartons of juice. "After this, we're drying off and changing. I don't mean to sound inappropriate but my groin is really cold". "Lovely...". That was another sleepover for us, though it was unplanned. We changed into warm clothes and ate our meals before bed. Kurosaki patted the space next to him on the bed, laying down once I slid under the sheets. "Nn...". My toes curled as warmth blanketed my body and my head met the cozy pillow. "A-achoo...!" Kurosaki sneezed, groaning. "Guh...Damn it". "Serves you right for wanting to swim in a pool during spring, idiot". "Totally worth it". Kurosaki sniffled, scooting closer to me. "Can I borrow your broad shoulders tonight?" "Uh...!" I was completely caught off guard when Kurosaki wrapped his arm around my waist. Our chests met as my chin met the top of Kurosaki's head. The scent of chlorine lingered a little in his hair. I would have to tell him to take a shower first thing in the morning. 

"Mmn...This is nice. Hey, Kizami, you're so...warm". "You, too". I lay there with Kurosaki close to my chest, breathing into and out of my chest. I let myself inhale softly into his pillow as I began to drift off. It smelled like Kurosaki. What a clean and sweet smell it was. I hardly noticed whenever I lay down on his bed, even though this felt so nostalgic and nice. My thoughts went blank. I found myself drifting off. Good. I was exhausted.


	15. When Everything Turns Upside down

Kurosaki's POV

"What? A birthday party?" "Mm-hm. A surprise birthday party, so don't say a word, Kurosaki". "I won't. Why would I? That's stupid". "Yes, it is. Now hurry up, everyone is waiting". "What do you mean everyone?". Yes, a birthday was coming up tomorrow. Mitsuki's. Urabe decided to drag me along to her house for me to help make preparations for a surprise party. Nothing special, just everyone gathered at her house to hang out, eat and drink non - concentrated juice because we're not old enough to drink alcohol. What a shame. But...knowing Mitsuki, she would probably want to play adult games. Pokey, the Kings Game, adult truth or dare and so on. So, in short, matchmaking games. And I hoped and I prayed in the short moment that I found out about the party that I could have a golden opportunity with Mitsuki. If I ended up playing Pokey with her or getting paired up with her in King's Game then hopefully it would go in my favour. Although, the chances of that happening are slim, considering how many people there will be. Urabe opened the front door of her house, leading me inside. We took off our shoes alongside six other pairs of shoes. "Everyone~!". Urabe called out to the kitchen, where "everyone" was situated. That included: Kizami, Kirisaki, Fukuroi, Ohkawa, Katayama and Shimada. "I'm glad that everyone is here to help out with Mitsuki's party. She was always the best at organising parties for us so we should 1-up her. Let's all give her a wonderful sixteenth". Urabe's speech was motivational enough. With her help, we couldn't fail. 

Shimada then raised his hand to the level of his shoulder. "Why are we here aga-ow!" He received a slap on the arm from Kirisaki. "Why did we have to invite Shimada?! We would be fine without him!" "Actually, Tohko, we need all the help we can get. I need several people in the kitchen to prepare fresh food for tomorrow, and a cake. I also need two or three people to help set up the living room with the stuff we bought". Kirisaki held down her temper, probably hating the fact that Shimada had to help. "Whatever". Shimada said carelessly. "I'm only goin' for the adult games. That'll be fun, eh, Kirisaki?" "Pig...". "Uh, now, now. Settle down everyone. Uhh...". Urabe paused to push up her glasses, looking over a hastily written note she made just yesterday. "Let's see...Okay. We're splitting up into groups from today and tomorrow, right before the party. Everyone who will be helping me with the cake will be: Tohko and Fukuroi. The two who will handle any other food will be Kizami and Kurosaki. Katayama, Ohkawa and Shimada can handle decorations in the living area". "Huh? Emi-chan, you don't trust us with cooking?" Ohkawa wore a saddened frown. "N-no, it's not like that. It's just that I have enough people helping out in the kitchen. Please, guys. It'll give Mitsuki a nice birthday". Katayama and Ohkawa smiled, putting their thumbs up. "Leave it to us, then!" Neither of them wasted time and rushed to the living area, Shimada following behind with zero motivation and his hands stuffed into his pockets. "Be careful you guys!" Urabe called out to them. Once finished with them, she clapped her hands together, putting her game-face on. "Alright, everyone else. With all the allowance I've saved up for this very moment, I've bought everything we need to make snacks that don't include the potato chips and candies. Kizami-kun, Kurosaki-kun, I trust you both to do your best". "Don't worry, Urabe-san. We won't let you down". If it was for Mitsuki, I was totally fired up. "Don't worry. We'll give it 100%". "That's the spirit, Kizami-kun. Right, let's get to work". Everyone in the kitchen was just as motivated. I felt like I was in a slice-of-life anime. 

Kizami and I worked on the counter opposite the three others, who worked by the stove. We would switch when Kizami and me would start making rice balls. For now, it was finger sandwiches and the first part of making dumplings. Urabe had thought a lot about tomorrow. Everything was thought to be for a really special occasion when we were just going to hang out and have a laugh on Mitsuki's birthday. Although, maybe she did all this since her birthday a month ago. Mitsuki put a lot of effort into her best friend's birthday's especially since their so close. And they deserve nice birthdays. I smiled at the thought, while cutting up vegetables. "Hey, Kurosaki, don't space out. I don't want you to cut yourself". Kizami's voice cut through my thoughts like the sharp knife I was holding would cut off my finger, possibly. "Gah...S-sorry. I'll focus". Kizami sighed, ruffling my hair. "Airhead...". He muttered with a slight chuckle. "Hey, knock it off". I laughed, nudging his elbow with mine. Not his right elbow, that would be disastrous since that was the hand he was holding the sharp knife with. "Hm-hm...You knock it off...". Kizami nudged back with less force than me. "Aww, the two love-birds are really getting along, huh?" "Haha, you said it, Ryouske". We stopped upon hearing dumb and dumber outside of the kitchen. Did Kizami and I take the soft nudging too far?! Seriously?! They both snickered. "Hey, the two of you! Get back to work - come on!" Hearing Kirisaki's demanding tone snapped Katayama and Ohkawa back into action. Thay rushed back into the living area without another word. "Teehee, thanks for telling them off, Tohko". "Any time, Emi". This group was always so lively. I never wanted to get away from it. Even Kizami had his moments. Although...they were mostly with me. "Kurosaki, what have I told you about spacing out?" "Gah! Sorry, sorry!" 

Preparations for the snacks was finished. We had to make a lot considering there would be nine of us. It all went in the freezer since we wouldn't be able to cook it all until the next day. So we wrapped the tray of finger sandwiches in tin foil, and wrapped up the dumplings and rice ball individually. I sighed deeply once it was stored away. "Geez...I'm starved. Ugh... Urabe, can me and Kizami leave since we're done?" "What happened to your enthusiasm?" "I find it hard to be enthusiastic when I'm hungry. We haven't had lunch and it's already three in the afternoon". "Well, fair's fair. Go on out, you two while we finish with the cake". "Thanks. I'm still really excited for tomorrow. It'll be a laugh riot". "I hope so. Take care, you two". I waved to them as I left with Kizami for the day. We had finished for now. The plan now was to arrive at two in the afternoon tomorrow to cook what we made while Kirisaki and Urabe took Mitsuki out shopping for her birthday. Urabe's mom would be in the house to let us in before she left for her work. Everyone else would show up before the girls arrived and we would surprise Mitsuki the moment she walked in the door. I'm impressed how Urabe could think so thoroughly about everything. Well, that was Emi Urabe for you. Absolute perfection, mostly as a cook and a baker. Tomorrow I would be more encouraged. It would be a lot of fun. I had faith that it would be. 

Instead of going home and making something, we stopped at a fast food place, Kizami and myself. I was still pretty tired from the cooking and being told off by Urabe and Kizami. It was like Mitsuki combined. So I suggested that having something quick to congratulate ourselves was enough. "How long has it been since I visited a fast food place?" "Don't ask me. I prefer proper meals, even though this is okay once in a while". "Yup. Besides, my fingers are tired from cutting sandwiches into small rectangles with no crust, folding dumplings and pressing rice into a ball. I'm done for today". "How can you be that exhausted from cooking?" "Hey, culinary is hard work. In Home Economics you have to commit to the dish you're making. It's ridiculous". "You make it sound worse than it actually is". "That's because you're a better cook than me". "No I'm not". I raised my head off of the table we sat at. "Yeah, you are. Sometimes you make stuff that I burn or ruin...That's kind of not the same". "I could show you some dishes if you would like. Although, you're probably better asking Urabe". "No, no, no. I want you. Please, Kizami? Please teach me, Sensei!" I bowed my head, tapping it on top of the table. I heard a sigh from Kizami. "Alright. It could be better if you have me there. Afterall, I won't tell you off as much". I raised my head once again, this time with a smile. "Thank you, Kizami. You're such a good friend". "Any time...". And Kizami saves the day. Well, at least helps me to not suck at cooking. The most I can make is simple things. Mostly curry and side dishes for lunches. Yeah, I need all the help I can get. "I owe you one, Kizami. Anything you want". "Anything? That's a bit much". "No, it's not. As long as it's of my capacity, I'll do any favour you ask of me". "Fine. I will keep that in mind". Hopefully Kizami wasn't thinking of something weird with that smirk on his face. Ah, it's Kizami. I doubt he would ask anything of me at all. Or maybe just something casual like staying over at my place or taking notes. Something like that. Kizami isn't the type to ask a favour of pure evil, like Shimada or Mitsuki. So thank goodness I asked him. 

The day finally arrived and everything went on as planned. Kizami and I went to Urabe's house, where her mother let us in before leaving work and entrusting us to watch the house. It was fine, we were over at Urabe's a few times so we proved to be trustworthy. Anyway, all we had to do was cook the rice balls and dumplings we made and then set them on the table out in the living room, along with the other snacks and such. We waited by the stove, waiting patiently for the time to set in as the orange glow of the oven arose slowly. "This is gonna be a nice party. Something fun and easy. Mitsuki will love it". "I know she will". "Oh, have you seen the cake in the fridge? Let's just say that Urabe outdid herself this time". "She did. I'm impressed". Why was Kizami so distant and...spacey? Was he thinking about the promise I made yesterday? He couldn't be overthinking it, right? I mean, what would he want me to do?! "Kizami, are you okay?" "Hm? I'm fine. Just tired. I couldn't really sleep last night". "How come?" "I had headache and it didn't go away until I went downstairs for a painkiller". "Really? Are you seriously alright? Maybe you should go home and rest". "Nah, I'm okay. Really. Besides, my parents are in the house. I don't plan on going back until I have to". If it was just a headache for one night then, fair enough. But if Kizami wasn't feeling well them maybe it would be best if he rested. 

Everyone turned up. Everyone being Fukuroi, Shimada, Ohkawa and Katayama. The girls were going to arrive any minute, as Urabe sent a text saying so. Through the front window curtains, I saw the three girls walk with eachother to the front door with shopping bags hanging from their arms. We hid in various spots of the living room, obviously keeping the lights off at such a time. The front door opened and their conversation was brought in through it. When they all turned to the living area. "Surprise~!" As cliché as it was, we all came out to wish Mitsuki a happy birthday. Well, she was definitely surprised. "G-guys?! Wha-...". "Happy birthday, Mitsuki". Urabe said to her best friend, smiling. "Emi, did you organise all of this?" "Well, I couldn't do it without everyone else, so...". "Wow. This is...You guys...". Mitsuki was pretty flustered. It was quite the sight. One that you could only see every blue moon. With the greetings over with, we all poured drinks of non - concentrated juices and dug in to the food which we prepared. The cake, coming last with sixteen glimmering candles on top. It was a pretty big cake. A chocolate one at that, with Mitsuki's name written beautifully in white chocolate. "We also made cheesecake, your favorite". "This might just be the best birthday ever. Thanks, everyone". Yep. It was a blast, just as predicted by our host, Emi Urabe. We laughed, we conversed and then it all piled on at once with one sentence from the birthday girl. "So, uhh, when are we gonna play some adult matchmaking games?" That wondering dropped all conversation. We all shrugged and said "Yeah, let's do it". But as much as I was excited by the idea and the possibilities of being able to get closer to Mitsuki, I didn't realise what that one sentence would do. How it would tailor my whole life from then on. How could I have known? I was sixteen years old. 

We first played truth or dare, making eachother do or say embarrassing things. Kizami chose truth most of the time, and Shimada chose dare all the time, being Kizami's opposite and all. Then came the game 'Yellow Banana'. A surprisingly fun game that involves someone starting off by saying, "Yellow Banana...Yellow makes me think of...". And the first person in line answers with what they relate the colour yellow to. If you can't think of anything, you are out. I was the one to begin, going around in a circle from: Kirisaki, Fukuroi, Shimada, Ohkawa, Katayama, Urabe, Kizami and back to me. I began, clapping my hands in the air in rhythm. "Ye-llow Ba-na-na! Yellow makes me think of - Kirisaki!" "The sun!" I repeated, "The sun makes me think of - Fukuroi!" "Uh, hot?" "Hot makes me think of - Shimada!" "Kirisaki...". "Wha-...?!" "Kirisaki makes me think of...?" "Unnecessary clevage!" "What does my character mean to you?!" "Unnecessary clevage makes me think of...?". "Ohkawa's ass!" "Ryouske, why are you adding my ass into this?!" "Ohkawa's ass makes me think of...?" "Ehh, small?" "Thanks, Emi-chan". "Small makes me think of...?" "...Uh, Shimada". "Ohhhhhhh". Everyone oohed, except Shimada, who was furious. Nice burn, Kizami. "B-bastard-you-". "Shimada makes me think of...?" We continued with the game despite Shimada's rage. "A pig...". "What...?!" "A pig makes me think of...?" "Dirt...?" "Is anyone listening?!" "Dirt makes me think of..?". "Fuck you, I'm not answering". "Then you're out, Shimada". I think that Kirisaki was enjoying this too much. "Pfft. Whatever. I'm outta here!" With that, Shimada left the house, having a tantrum. We all laughed at how silly he was being. I patted Kizami on the arm, complimenting that sick burn. Will the fun never end at this party? 

The final game we decided to play was 'Kings Game'. A game that was like short straws. Everyone would pick a stick from the pile. One has a special mark, meaning that they're the king for that round. All the other's are numbers. When the king chooses two numbers, without anyone saying what their number was at first, the king can order those two to do anything they want for the round, and then we repeat. "One...Two...Three!". We all said together, picking our stick and saying; "Who's the King~?!" "It's me...!" Kirisaki said, holding up the stick with the mark. "Great, Kirisaki is the king...or queen, I suppose". "What's your order?" Kirisaki thought for a moment. "Ehh, oh, um...How about 2 has to tickle 3 for one minute?" "Everyone looked to their sticks. "I'm 2!". Ohkawa held up his stick with joy. "Gah...". Fukuroi sighed, holding his stick feebly. "No way...Fukuroi?! Mwahaha, c'mere, buddy". Ohkawa approached Fukuroi. As much as a terrified Fukuroi tried to back away, the sstrangely scary Ohkawa caught up to him. "Tomohiro is a sadistic when it comes to tickling. He's had a lot of practice with dating sims". Katayama whispered to me as we watched Ohkawa put his hands on Fukuroi's waist, beginning to tickle furiously. "Gah, wah! O-ohkawa, st-stop! It tickles!" What the hell were we watching? Fukuroi was blushing and failing to hold in laughter. "O-kay, while they do that, let's move on". Mitsuki declared, holding out the sticks in a bundle. Fukuroi and Ohkawa returned to the circle. Fukuroi was panting while Ohkawa had a smirk on his face. It was scary, almost. Everyone held their chisen stick and..."One, two, three!"...pulled them out of the bundle. "Who's the king~?". "Yes! It's me!" Mitsuki held out her stick to everyone, presenting the mark. "Alright, then! I order numbers 1 and 4 to play the pokey game!" I looked to my stick, my eyes widened. Number 1. "Uh, I'm 1". "Yeah, Kurosaki! Who's 4?" Silence. How could no one have it, we all got it, so... "It's me...". 

I blushed deeply upon hearing the voice of...Kizami. He...was 4?! "Awww, the two best friends! Well, I'll get the snack. God, this is exciting". Everyone looked excited to see this unfold. Everyone except me and Kizami. Hey, it wouldn't be that bad, right? If one of us broke away from the snack then it was over. But, what was this feeling? It felt so familiar, but from where and when? I couldn't remember. Kizami looked so bashful. That was so unlike him. "Okay, I've got it! Now don't back out now. Man up, okay, guys?" I was given the thin chocolate snack. It was shorter than how I remember them. Or was that just me? Hesitantly, I put it between my lips as Kizami approached. Why was I blushing so much?! It was just a game. Nothing could happen. Kizami took the other end inbetween his lips. They looked so moist. That and Kizami had gotten taller again. "Ready...go!" No one else noticed the tension between me and Kizami. For a moment, we both hesitated. I looked into Kizami's eyes, and he stared right back into mine. This moment...This atmosphere...Time seemed to stop and all I could hear was my own heartbeat banging against my chest like a steel hammer against and anvil. My face was hot and my palms were sweaty. Before I could stop myself, Kizami was sliding his lips along the candy as I was unconsciously. I wasn't thinking about it. Instinct took over. I could feel Kizami's warm breath on my face. I could practically feel the moisture of his lips. "Ah...!" "...!" The candy broke as I nervously bit down. My half fell to the ground, banishing out the silence that rang out in my ears. Time had started again. 

"Aw, damn it. I was expecting them to kiss". "That was unnecessary, Mitsuki". "Shush, you were excited too, Fukuroi". "Gh! I was not!" While everyone conversed, Kizami and I stared back at eachother, and then looked away. For a fraction of a second, I could see Kizami's face grow redder than it was. What happened just then...It was..."Kurosaki, I...". "Haha...You win, Kizami. Well done. Uh...". I looked down to my feet. I couldn't even look at him. "Right...". What was wrong with me? It was just a game. Just a..."Alright, next round!" Mitsuki declared, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Uh, Kurosaki. Do you want to...come over after the party? I wanted to show how to make omelette rice today. How about it?" I looked at Kizami then, only making my face hotter. "Y-yeah, okay. I would love to...". Maybe that could break away the tension. Or make it worse since we would be alone... 

Straight after the party, I went to Kizami's house to make...omelette rice. This was going to go...Well, I didn't know. We started making the fried rice together, wearing two ridiculous aprons with our sleeves rolled up and saying not a word to eachother. I thought we were past awkwardness! My body tensed at the thought. "Hey, careful. You'll cut yourself". Kizami held my wrist that was holding the skillet for the rice. I twitched a bit. Kizami's hand was so warm. "R-right, sorry!" Kizami sighed. "Haa, hopeless. Try to concentrate so nothing gets burned". "I-I know. Sorry, again". Kizami was acting like he usually does, in front of a stove, anyway. "You're really bossy when you cook with other people". "Tell me something I don't know. Gah,,it's just like my sister. I don't even want to think of that. Gah, I can't help but be bossy when working with other people. Recently, anyway. People who slack off are the ones who should do most of the work". Kizami suddenly covered his mouth. "Damn it, sis'!" I couldn't help but laugh. Like big sister, like little brother. "Oh, that's funny to you?" "Yeah! Duh...". "Uh, duh, the rice is gonna burn. Turn down the heat already". "Gwaah! T-tell me that sooner!" I turned down the stove until it was off. "Well? Have I ruined it?" Kizami got in closer to check. Too close. "Wh-...". He took the utensil from my hand, or just held my hand to check around the grains of rice. My cheeks burned up. "It's okay, for a first attempt. Definitely edible". Kizami pulled away from my space, letting go of my hand. "Phew...I'm glad". "Hey, Kurosaki. Could I ask you to do that favour now?" "Uh, sure. Now, though? What do you need? A do over of the rice, because I know I can do better if I concentrate more". "No. Just this...". 

Kizami moved in towards me, wrapping an arm around my waist and running his fingers through the back of my hair. "Eh-...!" I couldn't say anything. Kizami had...He was...kissing me, on the lips. His eyes may have been closed but mine were wide and open in shock. He was holding me so securely, that I thought that I was going to suffocate. I couldn't even breath from my nose as Kizami's moist lips molded into mine. "Mn...!" I let out a surprised moan, my arms hanging by my sides, almost lifelessly. Why? Why was Kizami kissing me so suddenly? I couldn't understand anything as my mind was totally blank again. I felt Kizami's big fingers caress the back of my head, running through my hair. I wasn't sure how long the kiss lasted. It felt like hours. I couldn't even break away from the shock when Kizami pulled away. He pulled away slowly, still holding me. He panted, his cheeks flushed red and his eyes glassy, as if in a daze. My hands were shaking, and my breathing trembled. Silence. Stillness. Only for a moment that felt like an eternity. 

I gripped onto Kizami's shirt and stood up properly. I tried to speak but no words came out. "A...I-I...uh...". My hands only shook harder. I couldn't look up. Not to Kizami's face. "Kurosaki, I...I'm...". Kizami could barely put together a sentence himself. I let go of him, feeling like my head was going to burst from the red hot blush on my face. "I-it's okay, Kizami". Although my voice trembled, I still built up a small amount of courage to speak. "It's...okay". "No, it isn't. Kurosaki, please look at me". I couldn't. "Look at me". Kizami spoke in a firm tone, bringing my chin up to face him. "I'm sorry for...doing that. But, then again, I'm not sorry". "Wh-why, Kizami? Why would you...?" "I can't really identify it, myself but...Shit...". Kizami looked away, cursing quietly. A thick drop of blood formed in the nostril, sliding down to his upper lip. He covered it with his hand. "K-Kizami, are you okay?" "I'm fine. A little dizzy, but I'm fine". "H-here, sit down". I pulled out a chair from the table, and guided Kizami onto it. "Stay there. I'm gonna get a tissue". I rushed to the living area and grabbed at least two tissues from the box. Kizami took them with thanks, holding it to his nose and staining the paper with blood. "Do you feel sick at all?" "No. It's just a nosebleed". I sat down with him. Since when does Kizami get nosebleeds? Never. "Don't worry about me, alright?" "But I do worry about you, idiot. If this nosebleed is something bad...". "It isn't. I even went to see a doctor about it and he couldn't explain it either. My head was fine. Maybe it's just a little high blood pressure in my brain. I get headaches too, so that's probably it". "If you say so. But don't tell me not to worry when I have the right to worry, as your best friend". "Okay. Okay. I get it. Thank you, Kurosaki". "You're welcome". "Oh, and about before...". "Kizami, we don't have to talk about it now". "Yes, we do. Unless you don't want to". What could I say to that? Did I want to talk about how we just kissed or, more accurately, how Kizami just kissed me. "We...We will. Could I hace some time until we talk? I feel like I need time until this conversation comes up again". "I...understand. Take all the time you need. For now, are we okay?" I smiled, patting Kizami on the shoulder. "We're okay...Uh, is a hug acceptable or maybe just a handshake?" "A hand shake sounds fine". With his free hand, Kizami shook mine. But it didn't last as I got up to give him a friendly hug. Kizami hugged back, surprisingly. I pulled away eventually, receiving a kind smile from Kizami. "Now, are we making omurice or what?" Kizami stood up, with that being said. Things were normal again. 

But...for how long exactly? How would this conversation go once I made up my mind? What would I feel in the time that I had between now and the near future? How would I feel about Kizami?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's close...The romance is close! Really. This time...maybe...


	16. How Do I Feel About Him?

Kizami's POV

I stare up at the dark ceiling without realising it, lost in thought. I...kissed Kurosaki. Placing my fingers to my lips at the thought, I closed my eyes and embraced that memory. My toes curled and heat rose in my cheeks. These feelings...I couldn't understand them. Did I even want to understand? That kiss was stupid of me. Why could I not hold back? I say that but there are two sides to it. If I question why I couldn't hold back, it can still show that I really wanted to kiss Kurosaki. I just could not fimd the solution as to why I would kiss him in the first place, or even why I would want to. Feeling his soft lips made my cheeks hot and my heart loud. That and the nosebleeds. Whenever these thoughts surfaced, I would get a nosebleed. The headaches, too. My head would pound from these thoughts and 'emotions'. I was starting to get one now. The pounding heat in my head returned. I held my hand to my forehead, grunting. "Gah...Sh-shit...". Then another nosebleed came along. I felt suffocated within seconds. I sat up, keeping my hand to my nose. My hands and legs started trembling. The pain in my head was unbearable. I got up, staggering to the bathroom. Without even turning on the light, I held onto the sink, allowing the blood dribble into the basin. My eyes were watering and I could feel vomit making its way up from my stomach. What the hell was happening to me?! I begin coughing, choking and gagging until I finally throw up. Dizziness filled my senses, making me want to pass out. The only thing that came close was collapsing onto my knees. I held a bundle of tissues to my nose after ripping them from the box. How was this possible? What was wrong with me? All these questions I couldn't answer. Nausea and pain took over for a while, banishing out my thoughts as the headache set in. I thought that my mind was going to explode. What could I do? What could I do to take the pain away? It hurt so much that I was in desperation. What do I do? 

Due to my incident that night, I decided to stay home from school until my head cleared. I doubted that something like that was humanly possible. The splitting headache, the nosebleed, the nausea, all at the the same time. How did I not pass out from shock? I was dizzy and nauseous, but I was still conscious. I lay in my bed, wanting to go back to sleep. For someone like me to go through seventeen years without feeling pity, compassion and empathy, perhaps it was all catching up to me in the form of pain. If that really is the case, then maybe it's all too much for my mind to handle. These new feelings are...probably what's causing it. Being with Kurosaki is..."Gh...Kurosaki is...". Why? "Kurosaki is...". Why can't I say it? Why can't I admit it?! Why can't I stop thinking about him?! I covered my ears and squeezed my eyes shut but, to no avail, images of Kurosaki continued to appear in my mind's eye. His friendly smile, his kind eyes, his soft spoken words. Could it be that I...? I... 

Suddenly, I was brought out of these thoughts by a knock at the door. I froze momentarily. Who would come at this hour? I thought before realising that it was morning. I slowly got up, looking towards the morning light that just about came through my closed drapes. I made my way to the front door downstairs. Upon opening it, with a calm breath, I saw who it was and my heart jumped. "K-Kurosaki...?" "Hey, buddy. Whoa, um, why are you still in your underwear? We'll be late". For a moment, I was lost for words. My mouth was open, but no words came out. I was so nervous and I didn't know why. Kurosaki soon looked worried. "Kizami...? What's wrong?" "K-Kurosaki, I...Uh...". My cheeks flushed red from embarrassment. I must have looked so weak. I felt weak. As the seconds passed, I found myself unable to even look at him in the eyes. I hated this. "Hey, what's up? Kizami, you're really worrying me". Kurosaki was trying to put on a kind smile. I then felt his hand on my forehead. "Whoa, you're burning up. Do you feel sick?" My hands began to tremble. I couldn't say anything. I hated that I couldn't talk to him like we normally did. Maybe, for now, that was for the best. "Y-yeah, I don't feel very well. Go on ahead. I'm just...going to stay home today". Kurosaki retracted his hand slowly. "Okay, then. I can stop by later to check on you, and to keep you company, if you want". I'm sorry, Kurosaki. "No...". "H-huh...?" I'm really, truely sorry. "Don't come over. Just...stay away from me for a while". "Wh-why? What's gotten into you? Did I do something wrong?" I clenched my fist, irritated by my own words. "Just...stay away from me, Kurosaki". With that, I shut the door, sliding down it until I sat. From behind, I heard hesitation before his footsteps walked further and further away. What...did I just do? I quickly got up and opened the door, to see that Kurosaki was gone. 

Why the hell did I do that? Why could I not talk to him? I sat on my bed, my head lowered. Was I...trying to get rid of these feelings? If they only cause pain and a heavy heart then I don't want them. I don't want to feel this way. Not about Kurosaki or anyone. That isn't me. I grew up without these feelings, without knowing what they meant. Was this what my siblings were trying to tell me? I didn't know. My head hurt so much, as my microscopic heart did. But this pain wasn't microscopic at all. It compared to a steel hammer beating against my chest over and over at a fast speed. I buried my face in my hands. Why won't it stop? Why won't the pain go away? Why do I want to see Kurosaki so badly, and apologise to him? My heart sank lower, as these thoughts lingered. 

I went back to school the next day, avoiding Kurosaki. If I saw him then...I didn't know what would happen. I couldn't face him again, not after the previous day. I was being cowardly. I knew that. And I hated myself for it. If I could face him, talk to him, be honest with him then I would. But it's not that easy. A part of me doesn't want to feel like this. A big part of me wants these feelings to disappear so I could go back to being the silent observer. I would play the part of the loner again, while truely being alone. The other, tiny side of me didn't want that at all. That part of me wanted to see Kurosaki again, to smile and laugh with him like before. To go back to the way I was, I had to get rid of it. Extinguish the small light in my heart that sees hope of a future. For someone like me, there is no future. No friends, no family. Only a life of loneliness. As dark and depressing as that sounds, it's the only future that I am destined to have. 

When the lunch bell went off that day, the classroom was filled with the sound of scraping chairs, including mine. I quickly made my way through the crowd. "K-Kizami...!" I heard Kurosaki call out to me. I had to ignore it, I had to ignore it, I had to ignore it. I rushed out into the hall, heading towards the back of the school campus. Was I supposed to do this every lunch from now on until Kurosaki gave up? I knew that this was probably hurting him, yet I had to keep walking. I made it outside, panting softly from rushing. I was about to walk on when I felt my wrist being grabbed from behind. I jolted in that direction. "...!" My eyes widened when I saw them. Of course. It was Kurosaki. 

Kurosaki held my wrist in a firm grip, scowling at me. No words came to mind other than one demanding sentence. "Kurosaki, let go". "No. I won't let go until you talk to me. What is going on with you? You're really confusing me!" "It's...It's none of your business. I don't need to talk to you about every little thing. Now let go of me". I swatted my wrist from Kurosaki's grip. "We're not done here! Kizami, please just talk to me. Are you mad at me?" I couldn't say anything. I started walking away, only to have Kurosaki follow me around. "Kurosaki, you won't understand". "I could try to if you would just tell me!" I stopped again in annoyance, turning to face him. "Fine. I'll tell you. I don't want anything to do with you anymore. Happy?" Kurosaki looked really wounded by that. I felt wounded saying it. It was true, but I didn't want to say it like that. "Wha-...F-first you kiss me, and now this? What the hell is going on in your head?! I thought we were friends!" Kurosaki raised his voice, scowling again in a mix of anger and confusion. "I thought that we were going to talk about what happened when you kissed me. I thought we were a lot closer because of it! So why...Why woukd you say something like that?!" My heart grew heavy with...regret. "You're my best friend, Kizami. So, why...Why...". I felt like I just broke something very special to someone else. The guilt and the pain washed over me without stopping. Lumps formed in my throat. Was it too late to take it all back? I reached out to Kurosaki. "Kurosaki, I...Gh!" Suddenly, a ringing erupted in my ears and a harsh pounding formed in my head. Kurosaki froze, his expression of worry remained in my pounding head. "K-Kizami? Kizami!" His voice grew distant. The world spun around me as I felt my legs give in. I collapsed to the ground, my vision blurring. The last thing I saw was Kurosaki kneeling in front of me, calling out to me. Everything went dark and silent. What was it all for? Did I really want to go back to being alone? Did I really want to say those things to Kurosaki? Did I really want him out of my life? I...I... 

I saw a bright light seep through the cracks of my blurred vision. Sound became clear again. I groaned, returning to the waking world. Everything felt...lighter, somehow. A figure came into my blurred veiw. They were just above my level, watching over me. Another person left behind a frame, their heels tapping against the floor. "Hey, there". The person next to me spoke softly. That voice..."Kuro...saki?" My vision slowly returned to normal. There he was, softly smiling. His eyes were red from tears. Carefully, I sat up, rubbing my eyes. When I looked at him in the next moment, Kurosaki looked quite serious. But he looked right at me. "Kurosaki...Wh-where...am I?" "The nurse's office. After you past out, I called for help and you were brought here by staff. They said that you had some sort of fit. I saw it...with my own two eyes. Your body was trembling and your nose was bleeding a lot. I...have never been so scared. Despite what you said to me earlier, I couldn't help but worry about you. We're best friends, that can't change - I wouldn't allow it, Kizami. Not without a flawless reason". "Kurosaki...". He was really concerned for me, even after I said what I said? The guilt overwhelmed my heart again. This was all so new. I thought that the pain would return, but...it didn't. I felt...lighter, somehow. I felt...calmer. "Kurosaki, I'm so, so sorry for what I said to you. There's been a lot on my mind - but that's no excuse to take it out on you. I couldn't talk to you about it for my own reasons. I was being selfish and I...I...". Kurosaki placed his hand on my shoulder, moving closer to me. He wrapped his arm around my shouldes, our cheeks almost touching. "Now, was that so hard, was it? Idiot". Kurosaki spoke softly, accompanied by a soft smile. My heart soon felt warmer with comfort. "Next time, talk to me, okay? We can talk more tomorrow, right after baseball practice. Right now you should go home and rest". "Wait, Kurosaki. Shouldn't we talk right now? There's no reason to hold off until tomorrow". "Yes there is. Obviously, you're stressed and also concussed. The nurse said that you should go home and clear your head. I agree with her, because I'm worried about you. As your best friend, I want you to get better, to clear your head so that we can talk properly another time. If you don't feel up to it tomorrow, we can talk the next day, or the next. Whenever you feel ready to, I'll be ready. Okay?" I didn't know what to say. No one has ever been so considerate of me before, not like Kurosaki has. He says such kind words with a smile while showing 100% concern. 

Okay. Then it's a deal. We'll talk tomorrow". "I'm glad". "But it has to be after your club, when everyone has left". "Huh? Why?" "So I can talk to you privately". Kurosaki's cheeks turned pink. "I...understand. Can you come see me in locker room tomorrow, at seven?" "Yes...". That was that. I couldn't run away anymore. I had to confront how I felt and be honest about it. I guess that I finally understood. Maybe not completely, but I was getting there. If I was honest with myself, and with Kurosaki, then maybe I could finally discover what I have been looking for my whole life. I could understand the emotions that other humans felt. But if I could learn this from anyone, it was Kurosaki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt really sad writing this...  
> 


	17. Our Relationship Changes Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before reading this, I have put up chapter 16, in case you somehow missed it. Just to let you knowsince I put this up sstraight after.

Kurosaki's POV 

I'm waiting, thinking, trying to relax myself. Baseball practice had ended for today. Everyone has gone home while I purposely stayed. This was because Kizami would be coming by to talk with me. I received a message from him about an hour ago telling me that he was on his way to the school. After our kiss, after what happened yesterday, I have a good idea about what he might say. But what could I say in response? This conversation could change our relationship or leave things as they are. What could I say to him? The truth? How would he feel about the truth? About how I really felt? Sweat formed in my palms at the thought. I didn't know how long there was silence, but all thought came to an abrupt halt when I heard footsteps echo outside of the Locker rooms. I stood from one of the benches that were in the center of the room. By now, the room shed a dark orange from the afternoon light. A new light burst in through the door as it slid open. Standing in the doorway, was Kizami.

For a moment, we stood there, staring at eachother. He closed the door over, without a word. "Uh, hey, Kizami". "Hey, Kurosaki". There was an awkward silence for a moment, my heart already pounding. "U-uh, here. Have a seat". I sat back down on the bench, guiding Kizami to sit down on one. He did so, sitting right next to me. "Eh, baseball practice was pretty cool today. Everyone really liked the tea that the girls made from scratch. Want some?" "No, thank you". "How about a bottle of water from the cooler?" "Kurosaki...". Kizami had a serious tone. I let my smile vanish. "Right. Do you wanna go first, then?". "Sure. Ahem, uh...About yesterday, for starters, I know that I wasn't acting myself. In other words, I was being an insensitive asshole. And I'm sorry. I don't want you out of my life. I...want you to always be my best friend, no matter what happens. I feel terrible for hurting you. I hope that you can forgive me properly". "Kizami, I just wanted you to talk to me. I'm not mad at you. Since we are best friends, I can forgive you if you apologised and meant it. I can definitely see that, so don't worry. I'm also sorry for being pushy". "Okay. Hoo, okay. Now that that's out of the way, I want to move on to...what happened after Mitsuki's birthday. The kiss, I mean". I thought that I was ready for it. But right now, I was swallowing any fear that I had. I listened intently to Kizami's words, feeling tense and scared. 

(If you really want atmosphere, I suggest listening to Breathlessly from Katawa Shoujo, preferably the 10 minute version for the last paragraphs. Trust me). 

"Recently, I have found myself in a place where I feel...emotion. Emotions that I have never experienced before. Before that, I would consider you as a friend who stood by my side. But, recently, I have saw you in a new light. When we laughed together, had fun together, I began to feel attached to you. It was hard to understand at first, but it kept coming back. Only with you, Kurosaki". A gentle smile faded onto Kizami's lips. He didn't look at me, not while he spoke his truth. I watched and listened intently as he continued. "I never thought that I would feel so lighthearted around you. But that only grew. So, when we were alone together, making omurice, I wanted to do those things with you again, without realising it. These new thoughts and feelings were killing me - but all I wanted to do was cling to them, subconsciously. It took a long time, but I soon faced it and I realised just how much I care about you, Kurosaki. I realised how much I...like...you". Kizami was finally looking at me. When he did, with those words, my heart stopped for a single second. I stared at Kizami, paralysed with nervousness and bashfulness. Kizami's words...Those sincerely spoken words...touched my heart more than I thought. "Kizami...". "If you don't feel the same way, then please tell me now". 

My head drooped. I expected this, but I never realised how sincere he would be, how much it really meant to him. Kizami really did like me. "I...". What now? I was blushing so hard. But..."I'm...sorry, Kizami". "...?" "I'm sorry that...I expected less. I mean, aside from the kiss, you didn't give off any signs, or am I being really dense right now?" "Of course not". "It's just...I really...I've grown really attached to you, too, Kizami. Only, I never thought of you romantically". "I can understand. You have no interest in the same sex, so...". "It isn't just about that". I raised my head to look up at Kizami. "I always thought of you as a good friend, as my family. If I ever lost that, I wouldn't know how to get it back. For years, you've been like a big brother to me. But ever since we became highschool students, it's almost more than that. Our sleepovers, at the pool, our kiss. Because of those things, I stopped seeing you as a big brother. I began...". I stopped myself there, but it was too late to take it back now. I had to finish what I started. "I began...to like you, too". Kizami was just as speechless as I was moments ago. His lips were slightly parted and his cheeks flushed pure red. Kizami's expression mellowed. He smiled again, shifting closer to me. "I'm glad, Kurosaki". He reached over, touching my hand warmly, but lightly. "Kurosaki...". "Yeah...?" "Could I...kiss you?" "...Yeah, of course". My chest felt heated from the intimate moment between Kizami and I. I closed my eyes, my breath trembling for a second as Kizami's soft lips met mine. It wasn't like the first. This one exposed nervousness and shyness. The heat, as well as Kizami's shaky hand was evidence of that. We were both nervous. So I found myself turning my hand until our palms met. We held eachothers fingers, our lips moulding together. I didn't know how long we were kissing for. Perhaps a few seconds, minutes. Neither of us knew. Neither of us cared. Two childhood friends, with an unlikely friendship, brought together in this empty locker room to admit their feelings and end it all with a kiss. It was like a romance novel, but between men. We didn't even think of that, as our thoughts were clouded, as our hands were intertwined. What was next for us? For Kizami and I? Where could we go from here? This wasn't like Christmas in junior high. We wouldn't continue our lives like nothing happened. Not this time. Never again. 

The kiss slowly ended. Kizami carefully pulled away from me, our hands still in a bond. Opening my eyes, I saw his flushed face. My heart pounded in my chest. Kizami smiled gently, leaning in again to wrap his arm around me. "I really like you, Kurosaki. I really do". I rested my head against his shoulder, breathing in the sweet scent that emitted from his clothing. "I like you, too, Kizami". How long we stayed like that, no one would tell. After all, it was just us, alone together. The path ahead of us seemed as clear as snow. From now on, we would be a lot closer than ever. But no matter what, we would always be childhood friends, with the memories of our first meeting under the cherry blossom trees still in our hearts.


	18. Are We Together Now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally happened! They have now gone beyond friendship!....Sort of...Maybe...Yes. Yes they have.

Kizami's POV

I didn't see Kurosaki again until the morning after we talked the other day. Once again, the day started off normally. I grabbed my bag once ready and opened my front door, intending to head to school. Only, my body froze the moment that I opened the door. Kurosaki stood there with his fist raised slightly, intending to knock on the door. For a short time we didn't say a word, but merely stared stupidly at each other. I was nervous. Kurosaki let his hand go limp by his side, his cheeks reddening. "H-hi...". He mumbled in an almost inaudible voice. "Hey...". I replied, my voice refusing to go any higher in volume. Things were as awkward as ever. Kurosaki was still my best friend, my best friend whom I kissed last night and two other times before that. Yet I found it difficult to look directly into his eyes. Were we really still just friends? Friends aren't supposed to be this way in front of each other. It doesn't make sense. For a moment I forgot what I was doing. It snapped back in my mind, also snapping me out of my trance. "Uh, we should...go so that we don't miss the train". "R-right. What are we standing around for? We should go, right now". I shut the door behind me, locking it before following Kurosaki's lead and ending up by his side. It was how we usually walked together, passing conversation around until we got on the train. But now the atmosphere was tense. I had to say something to break this uncomfortable situation. "You know-". "I-...". We spoke simultaneously, cutting each other off, and crawling right back into silence. 

I didn't want there to be silence, for once. I spent too long holding down my feelings and keeping them within the shadows. Now that I admit them, I want to embrace them and accept them. But, the question still remains. How do I go about that? We already admitted that we like each other, so why did it still feel like something was missing? It didn't feel like we were...together, in a romantic sense. I sensed a certain emptiness within this situation, this atmosphere. When we arrived at the platform, the train was pulling up at the station. A flood of people got on, including me and Kurosaki. Another packed train, like every morning. Trapped in the corner, standing by the doors as they closed over. Kurosaki stood right in front of me, face to face. The train began to move, people shifting at the motion, shoulder to shoulder. "Wah...!" Kurosaki was accidentally pushed towards me, gasping, he bumped into my chest. This train was too crowded. Kurosaki was leaning against my chest, unable to move. "S-sorry...". He stammered, hiding his face away from me. "It's okay. It...can't be helped". I was blushing upon feeling Kurosaki's warmth against my body. Looking down at him I could clearly see the red in his ears. We had to stay this way for the whole trip. My body was shaking nervously. Kurosaki's warm breath surfaced the exposed part of my chest. My heart was pulsing at a rapid pace. So much so that I could faintly hear it. It was tormenting! But the thing that tormented me the most was how Kurosaki's spiked up hair was so close to my nose. I couldn't hold my breath nor my self control. I closed my eyes, breathing in the sweet scent of his dark hair. Kurosaki flinched. D-did he notice? "H-hey, Kizami...?" "Yeah. What's wrong?" "D-d-did you buy, um, new body wash or something?" "No, why?" "I-it's n-nothing". I was surprised at first, replacing that with a smile. Kurosaki was being cute, again. 

We arrived at school, pretending that everything between us had not changed. Yamamoto greeted us at the shoe lockers, along with Kirisaki at her side. "Hey, guys. Hi, Kizami-kun. How are you feeling? Any better?" "I'm fine, but thank you for asking". "Tohko was worried sick! She was even going to-ouch!" Kirisaki nudged Yamamoto on the elbow, cutting her off. "It's good to see that you're okay, Yuuya. We were all really worried". "I appreciate that. Thank you". Kirisaki giggled, blushing. I was used to it by now. The way she blushed when I spoke to her directly, the way she would play with her hair. I didn't feel a thing, however. I already had someone. Looking at him I saw an expression that I can only describe as unease. What about, I wonder? Kirisaki? 

Lunch came around, and instead of eating in class, Kurosaki and I ventured up to the roof of the first building, sitting by the fence. Kurosaki presented his lunch, which he bought from the cafeteria. I looked at the bread and juice carton, shaking my head. "Cafeteria food again?" Kurosaki laughed nervously, like a mischevious boy who had just been found out for breaking his mother's vase by accident, guilty but fearless. "Hehe, yeah, about that, I don't really have the time to prepare a proper lunch. My bad...". "If that's the case, then I could always make some extra side dishes for you". "Really? You don't have to do that for me". "Yes, I do. You're an athlete, you have to keep your energy up. Besides, I want to make lunch for you". It was a bold but embarrassing thing to say. If only I could take it back. "O-oh, I see...". No, I definitely couldn't take that back. "A-anyway, that lunch you have won't do. You could...have some of mine...if you'd like". I was just embarrassing myself. If I dragged this on any longer then..."Thanks. That's very kind of you". Kurosaki picked up a piece of sushi from my lunch box, savouring the taste. "Mn...It's good". "Uh! I'm glad. Have as much as you would like". "I'll take you up on that offer". In the end we shared my lunch. It wasn't the most romantic thing to do, more like a friendly offer. Have things really not changed between us? Just then, a gust of wind swept over us, causing Kurosaki to shiver from head to toe. "Brr...Looks like autumn is on its way". "Are you cold?" "A little. I hope that I don't get sick, though". For a moment, a brief moment, I sat there with a certain thought in my mind. I didn't want Kurosaki to catch a cold. That would be awful. So, innocently, I scooted closer to Kurosaki. He flinched when I draped my blazon over his body. "Kizami, what...?" He didn't finish, as if to let me proceed. I wrapped my arm around him, holding his body close. "Better...?" "Y-yeah, thanks". It was just me and him, alone on the roof just like we were in the locker room the previous night. 

Kurosaki, whether intentionally or not, rested his head against my shoulder comfortably. His body gradually warmed up in my embrace. "Kurosaki, may I ask you something?" "Sure. What's on your mind?" "Well, I was wondering about our...situation". "You mean...us?" "Yeah, us. I know that we confessed our feelings last night, but something is still missing. Don't you think?" "I...I guess so. I mean, I was kinda wondering where we were now. Are we still friends? Are we friends who like each other? Or are we...going out?" That was never really cleared up. It should have been, but, somehow, it wasn't. I sighed deeply after taking a deep breath. "Hooo...Kurosaki, will you be my...boyfriend?" Kurosaki raised his head from my shoulder, his face redder than ever. "B-boyfriend? I thought that you were gonna ask if we could go out, but...that word is a little...". Kurosaki's voice trailed off. It was an embarrassing word for two guys. Saying it in my head sounded better. "Okay, Kizami. I...I'll be your...boyfriend. Uh, the same goes for you". "O-of course. I'm your...boyfriend, too". We didn't look at each other. I was too discomposed. Even so, my hand slowly found Kurosaki's. It was becoming our way of showing affection when bashful and gradually bringing us out of it. His hand was shaking. Soon, I found myself turning my head to face him, to look at him. Kurosaki had the same idea. Our eyes met, and we smiled. "Pfft...Look at us...". He said, nearly laughing. "I know. We'll get better at this, won't we?" Kurosaki gave a silent nod. "Yeah, we'll get there if we take baby steps". Our affection and intimacy wasn't the most straightforward, but we could slowly express it with ease. This was only the beginning of it. Fear shouldn't have to come before intimacy. Although it can't be helped in some cases, it should be easy to get over eventually. Only the tips of our fingers touched, making this moment a little more calming. 

At the end of the school day, the sky presented a dark orange. I walked with Kurosaki, like we always did, after exiting the train. The street was empty, quiet too. Although we were over the awkwardness from this morning, this situation made me tense. This scenario was cliche. So, what could I do about it? "Uh, Kurosaki, you were talking about taking things slowly earlier. I was just wondering if it would be too much if we...held hands while we walked". "O-oh, uh...Th-that would be okay. There's no one on the street anyway. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time that we held hands. Haha, although not while walking together...". He rambled nervously, stopping himself as if realising what he was saying. "Uh, yes. I...I would like to hold hands with...you". I looked to Kurosaki's hand, eying it as he held it out a little to the side. I took hold of it. This was so embarrassing, but nice at the same time. Only after a minute or so holding his hand, I felt calmer around Kurosaki. More relaxed. "This is kind of nice, isn't it?" I asked. "Yeah, you're right". "Could we...try doing this more often". "Uh-huh. Y-yeah, definitely". I smiled softly upon seeing a smile appear on Kurosaki's lips. The gap between us was no longer as wide. The emptiness had vanished. I may have not felt total completion, but there was now a sense of hope that we would one day connect like real lovers and not shy away from each other. I really believed that. For once in my life, I had someone to make me understand these emotions, these sensations. Everything was brighter, and the light that I was beginning to see shone forward with Kurosaki at my side to lead the way. With him, I could truly look and one day find happiness for myself and to give happiness back to Kurosaki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so cute! ♡^♡!!!


	19. Is Our Relationship A Secret?

Kurosaki's POV

I sat at my desk, finishing off some homework so that it was on time for tomorrow. My homework is never late. I don't slack off like a lot of the delinquents at school. But today could be considered a close call since a lot has been on my mind, therefore distracting me from getting around to my homework. Kizami has been the main topic of my thoughts. Ever since he asked me to be his boyfriend I've been lost in thought, in a daze, in a daydream. I have never even had a girlfriend before-let alone a boyfriend! Being in a relationship with a boy has been the last thing on my mind since middle school. Back then I wanted to go out with Mitsuki. I wanted her to be my girlfriend. Now I rarely think about her. Kizami is the only thought that fills my head. His features have become more clear to me. The shape of his face, the softness of his skin, his nose, his eyebrows, his deep blue eyes, his smooth and moist lips. It's as if he's right in front of me, the image of him leaning in closer and closer replaying in my head. It's...exciting and scary at the same time. I'm not gay yet I like Kizami more than anyone else.

I feebly put my pencil down, running my fingers through my hair with a sigh. A long, exhausted sigh. I checked the time on my digital clock, positioned on the desk near an assortment of stationary. Just past seven o'clock. Still early. I stretched my arms up, letting out a strained groan. Upon relaxing I wondered what I could do to kill time before having a bath. Video games? Manga? Hentai-No...Not now. Using my feet as leverage, I pushed my desk chair out. On my bedside table sat my cellphone. Perhaps I could talk with Kizami for a while. Smiling at the thought, I immediatly got up and flipped my phone open, turning it on. Without hesitation I began texting Kizami. [Hey, Kizami. I just finished my homework. Are you free to talk?] I waited for several seconds before recieving an answer. [Yeah, of course. What did you want to talk about?] I rolled my eyes. Don't take it so seriously. I sat on my bed and leaned my back to the wall. [I just wanted to chat. What are you doing right now?] [Not that it's important but I'm just making tea for myself]. [Is that so?] [Yeah. Uh, anyway, I expect you to make lunch for yourself tonight. If I see you with cafeteria food tomorrow, I won't be happy]. I laughed to myself. [Thanks, mom. I'll go make it right now since I don't have anything else to do, other than talking to you. ;)]. [What does that mean?] Kizami doesn't know what the simple for *wink* means? That was so like him! [Haha, it means *wink*. I was winking at you]. [Why?] [Eh...Nevermind]. This is the 21st century, isn't it? [I'll talk to you later, then. Goodnight]. [Goodnight, Kizami]. I flipped my cellphone closed. I guess I had no choice but to make a lunch for myself. Kizami was worried enough to nag me about it. The thought brought a distant smile to my lips. 

Following Kizami's request, I went into the kitchen and brought out a lunch box and cloth to wrap it in. If I was to make a lunch I would have to go with the basics. Nothing too special. I got out some ingrediants from the fridge and cuboards, beginning once I had everything. I remember Kizami showing me how to make certain side dishes. With that and the food that I could already cook it wouldn't be too hard. As I was in the middle of preparing, the door to the kitchen opened. I got a bit of a shock. "Gwah...!" "Kensuke? What are you doing?" It was only my dad. He stood in the doorway wearing his old slippers and night robe. "Oh, hey, dad. I was just making up a lunch for tomorrow". "Is that so?" Dad stepped further into the kitchen, grabbing a mug and kettle to make tea. "Hm, I remember when you were in elementary school and your mother would still make decorative lunches for you. You never were embarrased by it". "Uh, no. I guess not". "Now you're a man. A handsome young man. With that in mind, why are you suddenly preparing a lunch?" "O-oh, well, Kizami suggested it since I'm in athletics, so...". "Come on, that can't be the only reason". "Huh...?" I was kind of distracted with cooking so I wasn't really listening to my father's voice. That is until..."Is it for a girl?" "Wha-! D-dad!" "What? It's obvious. Since you have so many ingredients out I thought that you would be sharing...with a girl. Who is she? Is it that Yamamoto girl that you often talk about? Hmm, come to think of it, you haven't mentioned her in some time. Is it someone else?" "I...". I couldn't. It's impossible. How could I just openly admit that I'm not seeing a woman, but a man? Kizami, my best friend. I can't tell my parents that, can I? In that moment found myself trapped in a corner. To tell my parents is a terrifying thought. What would they think? How would they feel? It isn't just my parents. Kizami's parents aren't very understanding. Their hearts would cease to beat if they found out that their youngest son not only stabbed a kid back in elementary school but is now in a homosexual relationship with me. That thought scared me. "I...I can't say. Sorry". "Ohh? Fine, keep it a secret from your old man. But, I guess as long as your feelings are mutual and that you show eachother respect then it's okay". I looked at my dad's face. What he was saying was serious but he wore a comforting smile. "If she's a nice girl then I'm sure that your mother and I would love to meet her one day". "Uh, m-maybe, but...What if she isn't what you expect?" "Meaning...?" "W-well...". "Son, your parents shouldn't have any expectations when it comes to their child's love interests. If you're truely happy with that person then the parents should naturally be happy for you, whoever they are. But as long as that girl is kind then we won't have to advise you about having second-thoughts". Dad took a sip of his green tea casually. Hearing his fatherly advice helped. Kizami was kind...in his own way. And I was happy with him. Even so, since he's a man I'm not confident about telling them yet. "Okay, thanks dad". "No problem, Kensuke. And watch your omellete, it's gonna burn". "C-crap...!" I tended to the omellete as dad left the kitchen. You rarely see it in anime, but in real life parental guidence helps. Mostly in harem series the parents are bystanders and do nothing. But this is real life and while I'm still in high school I can rely on my parents for a short while longer. 

I was eager to hear the lunch bell. I checked the clock hanging from the wall over and over while not really listening to the teacher. It is weird to be excited for a usual time of the day but this was a bit different. I was a little embarrased but at the same time I was excited. When the bell did ring, I quickly packed up, hearing the rustling of bags and the scraping of chairs around me. I walked to Kizami's desk and waited for him. "Ready to go?" "Yeah. Uh, you seem eager. What's up?" "Nothing. I just...like having lunch with you, that's all". "Uh-huh...Whatever. The roof is locked so we could eat outside the door if you want". "Eh, sure. That's fine". I followed Kizami with my lunch box in my hands. I was eager but a bit worried. I hoped that it tasted okay. What if it was undercooked? Or a little burned? Damn, this was when anxiety took over, like when you have a performance at a music concert or in a track race. You feel ready for it at first and then when the time arrives you feel nervous and want to run away. I sort of remember feeling that way when I was doing try-outs for the baseball team. I managed to get in, thankfully. But this wasn't like that. It was just lunch with Kizami. Just lunch with my...b-boyfriend...Gaah, I wanted to disappear! 

Following Kizami up the stairway, we stopped at the very top. The doors to the roof were locked today since some people went up there without permission and were caught. Until they install a high fence to keep students from falling, the doors will remain locked. I sat next to Kizami on the top step, sitting my lunch comfortably on my lap. Kizami took out his own, unwrapping it and taking out his chopsticks from the knot in the cloth. I took a breath. Here goes. "H-hey, Kizami, I, uh, m-made a little too much, I think. Would you like to, er, have some?" That was too casual! I was basically pushing him to try some! I could have said it nicely and acted like a boyfriend by saying "Kizami, you can share my lunch with me since I made some for you, too. I hope you like it"-or something! Kizami helped himself to a rice ball, the food that I was least confident about. Rice is easy, how can I mess it up? Unwrapping the foil, he took a bite. I waited anxiously for his thoughts. "W-well? How is it?" "I think you added a little too much salt to your rice". Damn it! "Sorry, Kizami. I didn't know. I-Hey, what are you doing?!" Kizami took another bite of it. "Don't force yourself to eat it if-". "It's fine". Kizami spoke softly when interupting me. "Huh...?" "I said that there was a little too much salt, I didn't say that it was inedible. Have a little more confidence in yourself". Kizami ruffled my hair, smirking. "I...uh...I don't know what to say...". "Don't say anything, okay? I appreciate the thought. Thank you". Kizami leaned in, placing a kiss on my temple. My face reddened, I could tell from the sudden heat on my cheeks. He's so kind and gentle around me. He never acted with such affection before. "Kizami...". "Hm? What is it?" I wanted to show him that I could be affectionate too. Of course I can. When Kizami was facing me, looking at me, I placed both hands on his cheeks, kissing his lips. It was bold. The boldest I've been so far, I think. I let one of my hands fall to his shoulder, my fingers digging into his blazor that was situated over his broad shoulder. But once the kiss just started it stopped. There was a sound, like that of thick plastic hitting the floor. Our kiss parted from the surprise but that wasn't all. My eyes widened and my blood ran cold. Standing at the bottom of the staircase was Urabe. Emi Urabe. Our classmate and friend. She saw us...And the look on her face said so many unexpected things without a word leaving her trembling lips. Her lunch box lay on the ground from the shock of seeing her two male friends kissing. Her eyes were wide, her lips slightly parted as she tried to speak-but couldn't. 'U-Urabe, just...Th-this...We can explain, just...". She began to back away, leaving her lunch on the ground. In seconds of paralyzed shock she began to dart down the hallway. I shot up to my feet to try and go after her, but Kizami grabbed my hand. 

"What are you doing?! We have to go after her and explain!" "No, Kurosaki. I doubt that she'll listen". "Why would you think that?!" "Seeing her reaction made two things a possibility. One, she was just surprised and embarrased to see you and I kiss when our relationship as friends is unlikely enough. Or, two...". Kizami paused in thought. This grabbed my attention fully. "Or what? Kizami, talk to me". "...Nevermind. Go after her if you want but I wouldn't recommend it. If it's what I think it is then you will probably only get hurt". I gasped upon realising what Kizami was talking about. Could it be that...Urabe is homophobic? That doesn't fit her character at all. She's a lovely girl with a sweet and understanding personality. How could she be against that? Maybe I would have to confirm that for myself. "Kizami, I don't want to leave this alone. What if she tells other people? I don't want that. Shit, this is my fault!" "No, it isn't. It's not your fault". Kizami stood with me, taking me in his arms. "Listen, we can talk to her about this. I might just be misunderstanding her feelings. We can talk to her at the end of the day, alright?" I nodded against his chest. "Okay...". 

At the end of the school day, the sky turned orange. Students left their classes and the campus with friends or siblings. I waited at the school gates alone, holding my bag in one hand and Urabe's untouched lunch in the other. My head perked up when I spotted her walking to the school gate. She froze upon seeing me. I took a breath before carefully approuching her, like a hunter approuching a deer with his rifle. I couldn't let her run away again. "Here, you forgot to pick this up". I passed over the lunch box to her. She grabbed it from me without saying anything. "I wanted to talk to you, privately". "No...". She spoke firmly. A few students looked over to us, whispering. I lowered my voice. "Please. I won't keep you for long". Urabe clenched her fist, frustrated. "F-fine. Where do you want to talk?". "Behind the school is fine". "Lead the way". Urabe definitely wasn't happy to do this but I had to get through to her. We arrived behind the school building, Urabe dragging her feet. Kizami was waiting for us, his arms crossed. He approuched upon spotting us. As soon as I turned to face Urabe, I felt a sharp pain across my cheek. She slapped me. "Hey...!" Kizami stepped in, grabbing her wrist. "Don't touch me!" Urabe swatted her hand away from Kizami's loose grip, her expression showing clear anger and frustration. "You...I thought that your friendship was kinda weird considering how different you both are but I never thought...". Urabe backed away from us a little. My cheek burned as if scolded from a red-hot poker. "Urabe,". Kizami began, calmly, like his usual collected self. "Why are you acting like this? Tell us clearly and give a proper reason why". "I should be asking the same of you, Kizami-kun. How could you do this to Tohko? I know that you know. She likes you-maybe even more than that and you don't even give her a chance before...this!" "Urabe...". "And you, Kurosaki-kun, I thought that you had feelings for Mitsuki-I could see it in your eyes when you look at her. I thought something was off when you stopped staring at her, but I never thought of this". Was this why? She just felt bad for her best friends, or..."Romance should be between a man and a woman. Two men, or even two women, being together is just...disgusting!" Urabe raised her voice at the last word of her sentence. It tore through my heart. Was this really Urabe? The sweet and gentle girl whom accepted everyone for who they were? "What you both did this afternoon was wrong! I don't care about your motivation-it has to stop! Whatever is going on between you two should stop! I know both your parents through my own parents. What if they told them? Would that end it? Would that make you both see sense?!" What Urabe was saying hurt. It hurt to hear everything that she was saying, but it was true. She could tell our parents, and how would they react? I was scared to find out. "How do you think your friends would feel?! How-". "Stop talking".

Kizami's stern tone brought me out of the momentary fear that I felt. He wasn't looking at me. He was focused squarely on Urabe. Kizami? I looked up at him, his serious face cutting through all my anxiety like a knife. He continued, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me in closer, as if to mock Urabe. "I don't give a damn about what you're saying, Urabe. So what if Kirisaki get's hurt? That's life. So what if some people like you don't agree with this? That's life. So what if I like a man, who happens to be my childhood best friend, more than I like women in general? The bottom line is, keep your opinion to yourself". Urabe was shocked, almost terrified by Kizami's tone of sincerity. "If you really are a friend, you would accept us and not throw us out of your life the moment you don't like something about us. That's bullshit. Your opinion is bullshit. Don't you dare hurt Kurosaki like that again. Telling his parents proves how weak you are. As a last resort you would tell our family in the hopes that their disspaproval will tear us apart. Guess what? It won't. Just because you hate two men being together doesn't mean that you have the right to ruin that. Grow up". I just gained a lot more respect for Kizami. He didn't yell or do anything drastic. He simply told Urabe how he felt in a stern and cold fashion in order to get through to her. Urabe was trembling slightly, her teeth clenched. "You...Fine, I won't tell your parents. But I can't be friends with either of you anymore. I can't accept your relationship". "Fine by me. As long as you made that clear". "I'm leaving. Thanks for giving my lunch box back". "Wait, Urabe". I spoke up, stepping toward her. "Stay away from me". "No, it's just...Please, don't mention this to anyone. I'm begging you". Urabe was still for a moment before sighing. "Fine. Not a word. Just as long as you don't say a word to me anymore". "Y-yeah. Thank you". Urabe walked off, disappearing from sight as she headed home. 

Kizami approuched me from behind, placing his hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright?" I weakly nodded, even though I really wasn't. "Come along, let's go to my house since no one is in" . "'Kay...". I put on a weak and distant smile while we walked, rubbing my sore cheek. As Kizami offered, we went straight to his empty house. I sat on Kizami's bed while he went downstairs without an explaination. He told me to wait in his room and nothing more. Being by myself gave me time to think about what happened, about what Urabe said, about what Kizami said. He was a lot stronger than I was back there. It seemed like he wasn't afraid of his parents finding out about our relationship. Even so, I was still shamefully afraid. Kizami came back into the bedroom with a tray in his hands. It rattled as it carried two soda cans and an ice pack. He sat beside me, passing a can to me. "Here. Drink up but try to hold still". Kizami gently grasped my chin, holding the ice pack to the red mark on my cheek. I hissed in pain. "Hm, I thought that you would be a lot tougher at this age. My mistake". "Hey, that's mean". "You know, I remember when you first rode a bike without support. You got so excited that you fell off and hurt your knee. We were quite far from your house so I had to run to the convienience store to buy a band-aid instead of saving the money for my lunch the next day". My eyes widened slightly and my heart skipped a beat. "You...This is the first I'm hearing of this". "Well, it's not a big deal at our age, is it? Now keep still". "Hah, Kizami...". "What is it?" "I...You're a really strong person. A lot more than what I give you credit for". "That's not true". "Yeah, it is. I'm sorry. It's just...I'm really envious of your emotional strength. Like with Urabe. You stood up to her without faltering. I was really scared of losing her friendship and that she would tell my parents about us". We already lost her friendship, but the latter...She really would have told them. "Why does it scare you so much?" My head drooped. "We both saw how Urabe reacted. Kirisaki would react the same if she found out. It would break her heart and I don't want to hurt her. It's the same with my parents. How would they take it? That's what I'm most afraid of. I'm afraid of hurting them and hurting you". "Me...?" "I know what your parents are like from what you tell me. They won't understand and will probably...I don't even know what they would do. And I don't want that". I could hear my own voice trembling. Saying it out loud was worse than thinking about it. "Hey, ssh. Sshh. It's okay". Kizami wrapped his arms around me protectively. He was doing it again, presenting affection that I had never seen in him. It was so weird. 

"Kurosaki,". He called my name softly, just above a whisper. "Listen to me. Don't be afraid of what anyone thinks. Not Urabe or anyone else. It doesn't concern them-not even your parents, no matter what they think. Anyway, speaking of your parents, they're nice people. Unlike my parents, I can tell that they love you unconditionally. They would never dislike you for something like this. Me, I'm a lost cause to my family because of the way I was born, because of who I am. Don't let that frighten you". Kizami was so softly spoken, it made my heart pound. The warmth of his smooth chest, along with his words, brought comfort. He was right. "This isn't aboit what everyone thinks or what your parents think. This isn't even about what I think. How do you feel about me, about what we have right now?" "I...I like you, Kizami. I really like you". "See? I like you, too. So let's not allow anyone else or their critizism stand in the way". I nodded. "Y-yeah, you're right on all accounts". Kizami pulled away from me. "We've taken another step, haven't we?" "I suppose we have a little. Getting over any anxiety or doubt, right?" "Right...". "So, what's next?" Kizami pondered for a moment before shrugging and shaking his head. "I don't know. What do think?" I pondered myself, crossing my arms. What was next in our relationship? Before I knew it, I managed to find an answer. "How about a date?" "A date?" "Uh-huh. We can go on a date together. Are you free on Sunday?" "Well, I have work in the morning, but we could go during the early hours of the afternoon". "Perfect. We could go to the shopping district in town if you want. We could see a movie or get lunch or-...". Kizami smirked wordlessly. "Wh-what is it?" "I'm glad that you feel better about our relationship. Anywhere is fine. As long as your happy". My face became hot again. How embarrassing. "O-okay...Shopping district it is...". "Fine by me". Kizami kissed my cheek softly, the wet sound making my heart jump. One day my heart would stop completely because of Kizami. Damn it...


	20. Our First Date

Kizami's POV

My knee ached. I wasn't sure how long it had been aching for as my mind was so occupied, but I knew that the cause of it was the constant tapping of my foot against the concrete platform below. Was I nervous? No, that wasn't the only problem. I'm not one to feel anxiety. There was just plenty on my mind that couldn't possibly disappear without another distraction. I checked the watch on my wrist. It was nearing 12.00 in the afternoon. The train would arrive soon. Looking around the station platform, it was evident that rush hour finally ended. Employee's of big businesses, hospitals, and so on, were no longer the majority of occupants in the station. Only a few appeared to be waiting to go to work and start an afternoon shift. Then again, judging by the casual wear of others I would assume that they're visiting town or going further. I quietly let out a brief chuckle. I was doing it again. Observing. What an unusual forced habit. But it can't be helped. Learning about humans by simply watching them has been a 'hobby' of mine for several years. It can't be helped most days. I find that it relax's me and takes my mind off things. Right now that's what I need. Ever since the day that I learned more than enough about Urabe. Even I had to admit that she had a certain aura of kindness and acceptance about her. However, I suppose that I shouldn't let my guard down. I of all people should fully understand the phrase "don't judge a book by it's cover". My character is the very definition of that phrase. That's how it has always been. With Urabe, the way she spoke to us as if what we had was "disgusting" and "wrong"...It angered me. It was the first time that I felt such anger towards another person since I was a child, yelling at my siblings to stop lecturing me. But I held my composure and told her what I felt without raising my voice, no matter how much I wanted to. 

An automated voice echoed throughout the station, announcing the arrival of the next train. I perked my head up. Kurosaki would be on that train. To be honest, I was a little embarrassed of myself. I went out of my way to buy new clothes a couple days ago. It was stupid and shameful but a part of me wanted to look...nice for Kurosaki. I even wore the silver neckchain that he gave me for my birthday. He would obviously notice right away and then I would get embarrassed for it. Geez, I was already feeling flustered just thinking about his possible reactions upon noticing. Feeling rather ridiculous, I hid the chain under my shirt to keep Kurosaki from seeing it. No turning back now. The train pulled up at the station, the automated voice calling out again with an almost robotic echo. Quite a few people exited the train, walking their seperate ways to different spots such as the exits, restrooms or payphones. Among them was Kurosaki. He walked out with his trademark smile on his face. I already felt flustered upon seeing him as he stood out from the crowd. Spotting me, he waved while approuching. I stood from my seat to greet him. "Hello, Kurosaki. How are you?" "Good. And, there's no need to be formal with me". "I wasn't really...". I looked over Kurosaki's body with a sudden sense of realisation. "Hey, Kurosaki, that, um...Is that shirt new?" It wasn't just his shirt. "O-oh, this? Haha, I feel kinda embarrassed but, actually, this whole outfit is new. Pretty weird, huh?" My heart jumped by his words. "I see. Um, well, you look...nice". "Really? I'm really glad to hear that. I thought I was an idiot for buying new clothes for today". Kurosaki then gave a little gasp, covering his mouth. I wasn't surprised by that, but more surprised by that small confession. He bought them just for today, too. In a weird way, that made me happy. Why is it that Kurosaki is the only thing that makes me this happy? I guess that question was already answered when I realised and accepted my feelings for him. I reached to ruffle Kurosaki's hair but stopped upon thinking about our equality. Kurosaki was my equal-my boyfriend so I had to learn to treat him as such and give up the big brother role. And that was me saying that. I lowered my hand to his cheek, caressing the skin with my thumb. "I think you look great". I failed to mention that I dressed for the occassion also. Oh, well. It didn't matter, really.

"So, when is the next train arriving?" Kurosaki asked, his hands joining behind his back. I checked my watch again to confirm the time. "Uhh, fifteen minutes. We can definetely wait that long". "Yup. Guess so". We made our way up a set of stairs that led to the other side of the tracks. Our footsteps echoed in the tunnel going across the tracks from above. Once reaching the opposite platform, I sat down at another row of hard chairs while Kurosaki stopped at a vending machine. It appeared that he bought two cans of tea, passing one to me. "Thank you". I said, opening the metal tap with a click. Kurosaki relaxed in the hard chair next to me, sipping his tea. "Hey, I almost forgot. Sorry for having to take the later train and making you wait. Did you wait long?" "No, not really. It doesn't matter". "Not now but I just wanted to apologise. Mom asked me to get some last minute errands so I had to call ahead". "Is that so? Must have been a bother". "Nah, she is my mom. She gave birth to me and everything so it wouldn't hurt to help her out a little". "That's true, I guess". "I did want to tell her that I had a date but it would be too embarrassing, right?" "I understand that. Plus, it would have been even more difficult to admit that it was me who you had a date with, a man". "Uh...about that..". Kurosaki paused for a moment, shying away from my gaze. "I...I wanted to tell them eventually but ever since the incident with Urabe my confidence is shaken". "Don't worry". I began, wanting to reassure him. "If that's the case, then you don't need to say anything-no one is forcing you to, after all". "Yeah, you're right but...I hate lying to them about this stuff. I don't mean relationship stuff. I mean, stuff that I'm not confident about. Stuff like our relationship. From the day that I discovered girlfriends I've always talked about cute girls to my dad and asked my mom about what girls like. I'm nearly sixteen and I'm in a gay relationship. It would definetely shock them". This again. I understood Kurosaki's anxiety and fear. A young man like him in a relationship like this one. Anyone would be shocked. Subtly I took Kurosaki's hand in mine to gain his attention. He looked up at me and I smiled. "Stop talking about it, okay? And don't worry. If you really wish to say something to them then take your time and gain your confidence back beforehand. I'm facing it with you anyway, alright?" Kurosaki reassured me with a nod. "Right. I'm being stupid again, worrying myself too much". Good. I guess I managed to take his mind off things. That was for the best. 

"Where do you want to go first, by the way?" Kurosaki then asked after a brief silence, leaning back, almost slouching. "I was sort of thinking that we could go shopping since it is the shopping district. What about you? Is there anywhere you want to go?" "The cinema that was built there recently. There's a new movie that I'm sure we'll both like. I looked into it and everything". I wasn't a big fan of movies but it made me happy to think that Kurosaki was thinking of me when he looked over our options. He always thinks of others before himself. "Sounds good". I leaned back too to watch the people passing by. The automated voice rang out again, announcing the arrival of our train. A crowd gathered by the tracks. I stood up, Kurosaki following after me as we stood by the crowd, dumping our empty cans in a nearby trash can. The train pulled up and stopped finally. The crowd got on, including us of course. Once more we were standing by the doors. The train wasn't as packed as they are during the morning but it was still fairly crowded. The train slowly began to exit the station. We were on our way. And about ten minutes into the journey, I felt Kurosaki flinch against me. I froze for a brief second before looking down towards him. "Hey, are you alright?" "Y-yeah, I just...felt something brush my butt or hip or...Anyway, it was probably an accident". What? Really? The train wasn't even that crowded how could anyone touch Kurosaki and get away with it? If that's the case, it probably was just an accident. I looked out of the train door windows. But only for a moment as Kurosaki bumped into me. "Oh, sorry, Kizami". "Did it happen again?" "Ye-yeah. I'm a little worried now since that wasn't even a brush. More like a...groping motion". That was the end of my tether already. Whoever it was were already pissing me off. Kurosaki leaned against me, trembling slightly and with an arched back as if trying to be out of the molester's reach. It wouldn't work, though. "Come here". I beckoned Kurosaki, holding him close to my chest as I turned around with him. He tensed up under my secure and protective hold. "H-hey, Kizami? Wha-...I...Um...". Kurosaki was totally lost for words. He stammered and tripped over each one so much that it was adorable. "Idiot. Don't take this too lightly. We can stay like this for the whole journey so that you're not touched again". "Well, fair enough, but do you have to squeeze the life out of me? I can't breathe here". "Sorry. I guess I'm being too protective". I loosened my grip, although still holding him in my arms. He stopped trembling and relaxed against me. "Is your butt okay?" I asked cheekily. Kurosaki blushed helplessly. "U-uh-huh...". I chuckled. Stop looking so cute otherwise I'll smother and cuddle you again. If only it was that easy to say while being serious to him. 

Upon arrival, I grabbed Kurosaki's hand and led him to the far end of the station. I let go once we were standing at the wall. "What was that for?" Kurosaki asked, puzzled. "Don't be dense. I'm worried about you. Are you alright now?" "Yes, I told you I'm okay. Really, but thank you for worrying. Now, let's get going. We can shop for about an hour and then catch the movie at 13.30". I stuffed my hands in my pockets, beginning to walk with Kurosaki towards the street outside. He could be quite dense sometimes. But it never angered me, I only worried about him. You never know what sort of weirdos end up on packed trains with you. My gaze wandered down to Kurosaki's hand, limply swaying by his side casually. I clenched the fist that was right beside that hand. We were in a populated street now so I couldn't hold his hand. I wasn't sure why I wanted to so badly, it was a simple gesture of affection and nothing but. That's also why it wouldn't be a big deal to do it in public. However, it seems like an unwritten rule for two men NOT to hold hands. Says who? Everyone who has a habit of staring at something ''strange''? God...Ever since Urabe I've really taken these things seriously. It was hard to relax when the thought came to mind. Her cruel words would loop in my head. "You okay?" Kurosaki's voice always managed to break through to me, though. That was the relief of it. "I'm okay. Um, is there anywhere in particullar where you want to shop or browse? I don't mind anywhere". "How about a clothes store? I've grown out of some of my old jeans, anyway. How about it?" "Sure. Which store?" I didn't mind either way. Anywhere was fine. 

For at least fourty minutes, we browsed and bought a few things. It wasn't really a special kind of date, but it was our first and that was special enough considering how close we were already. If only we could have the whole street to ourselves so that we could hold hands and actually act like a couple. But it could never be that simple. These thoughts were so foreign to me yet they were now easy to accept into my mind. I couldn't help but desire some privacy with Kurosaki. This was in my mind as we passed an arcade. But we didn't exactly pass it as Kurosaki stopped in front of it. I stopped too, obviously. "What is it?" I asked him. "Um, we still have ten minutes before the movie and the cinema is just over there. I was thinking...I-it's kinda girly, but I thinking that you and I could maybe go into that small photo booth by the door, take a picture together". Kurosaki's voice and subtle gestures of fidgeting, shifting his gaze and kicking the air showed his bashfullness of the whole idea. Even just suggesting it out loud was embarrassing him-clearly. However, he wanted to take a picture with me. "I-I know it's stupid-we don't have to do it if you feel uncomfortable. I just wanted to have some sort of memento for today since it is our first date". I looked over to the booth. No one was using it, as it appeared, so it wouldn't be akward to wait. "Alright. That's fine. We can have one each, right?" Kurosaki perked up. "Uh, yeah. Yeah we get a picture each. L-let's go do it, then". I followed Kurosaki into the small booth. It was just over my height when standing and it was wide enough to comfortably fit at least two people. The colour inside was grass green, for a green screen I assumed. Neither of us was wearing green so it would turn out okay. The drape around the booth sheilded us from everything else. We had privacy, in a sense. "Okay, let's get started then". Kurosaki pressed the touch-screen option in the center of the screen. It was a bright and colourful screen, somewhat childish and girlish. Three options appeared for a 'theme'. Friendship, Family and Lovers. Now this was awkward. "L-Lo-...?!". Kurosaki stammered, blushing at the third option. Were we really considered lovers yet? That term was far, far away from what we referred to eachother now. Did it matter? "We could, er, look at all our options and then pick one, right?" Kurosaki nodded. "Good call". 

Tapping the first one, another screen came up. The margins were sky blue, decorated with stars and smiley faces, with a reflecting, moving image of us in the middle. "That was looks good. Next one?" "Yeah...". The Family screen margins were a warm orange, decorated with animal icons, like famillies. Kurosaki and I were like family, in a way so that would work too. Then there was Lovers. I could sense the disbelief on both our faces when the screen came up. The margins were coloured a generic, lovey-dovey pink. The decorations were obnixiously plastered around the margins, depicting hearts of all shapes and sizes, male and female symbols and more bunny icons. Of course, this was aimed towards STRAIGHT couples. Kurosaki looked skeptical of this idea now. "I'm sorry, Kizami. This really was stupid". I didn't want him to feel bad about suggesting this. It was actually cute of him to want to take a picture with me. "Let's go with this one". I said, tapping the Okay option. Kurosaki looked at me, puzzled. "Are you sure?" I smiled at him, wrapping an arm around him to hold him close. "Positive. I doubt that this is something to take too seriously anway. Let's just take a photo. You want to remember this date, don't you?" Kurosaki smiled back. "Yeah I do. Thank you". I leaned my cheek to Kurosaki's temple, still facing the screen. Kurosaki tapped the Capture icon and it gave us a few seconds before making a clicking sound, the screen flashing slightly. I pulled away from Kurosaki as the picture was shown. "Looks good to me". I said honestly. "You're right. We're keeping it". It was okayed. Stepping out of the booth, our pictures were dispensed from the small slot at the side in a pair. Kurosaki seperated them, giving one to me. "I'll treasure this, y'know". "So will I". I slipped the photo into my pocket. "Right, now that that's done, we can watch the movie now". "Absolutely...". 

After the two hour movie, we decided to get something to eat so we stopped at a small cafe that sold dango. We sat at the outer tables to eat with green tea on the side, as tradition goes with certain types of dango. "Wow, I haven't eaten dango since I was a kid". Kurosaki reminisced for a moment, taking a bite of the sweet treat on a stick. "Me neither. It has been a while. I wonder if they're as good as back then". "They are. Try yours". I did so, the nostalgia coming back to me. I rarely felt nostalgia because my childhood doesn't exactly have a lot of good memories. "Hey, do you remember that old song about dango's?" "I think so. You used to hear it all the time but they stopped eventually, like most advertisment and things of the like do". "Yeah, it's a real shame. I remember singing along to it when it was on. What about you, Kizami?" "Nah, I don't sing. Not even when I was a child". "Too bad. You have a really nice voice". "Thanks, but I still don't sing". "Even when you're alone?" I shook my head. "In the shower?" "Haha, no. Why would I sing in the shower?" "I dunno. It's a thing weird people do. But who am I to judge?-I'm Japanese". "Good point". (I'm terrible). These conversations, these sentences put together with another being...They were conversations that friends have, I guess. They talk about familiar topics that bring up your childhood. Sure, couples would probably talk about these in order to get closer to eachother. But the way we talked, it was as if we were having an everyday conversation. And, for some reason, I was always content with that. Maybe we were already close enough that we didn't need to talk about anything too formal or serious. I watched the varies people walk by. But I actually found myself glancing at Kurosaki a lot more as we talked.

The beginning of the late afternoon was when we decided to head back to our street. Like any normal date, I would walk Kurosaki home and say goodbye. The train wasn't crowded so we managed to get a seat. No one was actually in that train car. About five minutes into our journey, I felt weight on my shoulder. Looking to that direction, where Kurosaki sat, I found that he was leaning his head against it. "No one is here, so this is okay, right?" He asked. "Yeah,". I replied, wrapping an arm around him. "Yeah, of course it is. Are you tired?" "A little, but I don't expect you to carry me home". I would if it was neccessary. I would carry him home, his home, of course. But not tonight. Kurosaki merely leaned his head to my shoulder, resting after today. I took out the photo from my pocket, staring at it. It was a nice memento for the day. Where would I keep it, though? It had to be a place where my parents couldn't find it. Somewhere safe. I sighed, slipping it back into my pocket. 

I walked Kurosaki home, holding his hand. We stopped at the front gate of his house, our hands unlocking. "Come here for a moment". He requested, gesturing for me to follow him to the porch. I did, waiting beside him as he checked the two front windows. "Alright, it's clear". He clearified, facing me once more. "So...". He muttered, taking hold of my hand. "Yeah, uh...Today was really fun. I'll keep our little memento safe, okay?" "Me too. I guess I'll see ya tomorrow". "See you tomorrow, then". Hesitantly we leaned into eachother, Kurosaki moving up while I leaned down. Tilting my head to the side slightly, our lips met in a quick kiss. Pulling away, we looked at eachother in a brief stare and found ourselves leaning in for more. Our lips, this time, moulded together softly. I could taste the sweetness of Kurosaki's lips on my own. He pulled away first, stepping back with our fingertips just making contact. "Well, bye...". Kurosaki muttered, his fingertips brushing away from my touch. He entered his house, waving to me. I waved back before the door shut. I took a deep breath when in did. Taking a moment, I stuffed my hands into my pockets and began to walk away. I held the photo inbetween two fingers as I walked. That was that, our first date. Now that it was over, I couldn't help but wonder about second dates and third dates. I wanted to go on more dates with Kurosaki in the near future and I was sure he wanted to do so as well. I took another breath. I swear I've never been happier. But what did the near future have in store for us? I never really thought about it at that time. For now I hoped for a little more happiness with Kurosaki, and that was all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dango = Clannad reference! That is all.


	21. Could We Do Something More?

Kurosaki's POV

The end of summer was vastly approuching. That and our first term of year 1. Next year, after March, would be the start of 2nd year. Kizami and I had been going out for about a month. We had our first date and were of course planning many more. So far, aside from the dates, our relationship hasn't moved on to any other level. Things have kinda stayed the same. We're fairly happy with eachother but recently I can't help but want something a little more...physical. Maybe I'm being silly. But, even so...our emotional relationship couldn't be better. We talk about many things with eachother such as our dreams and ambitions, what we like about eachother, all sorts of things. Things that I never really knew about Kizami. Who knew that his favorite flavour of ice cream was strawberry? I didn't, surprisingly. We've known eachother for so long but even kept the smallest details to ourselves. Now we talk about anything that interests us. I feel that Kizami has really opened up to me-and that makes me incredibly happy, considering how much of a wallflower he used to be with me. As for the physical stuff-and I'm not talking about s-se-THAT. I mean kissing, cuddling, holding hands. Normal couple stuff. We've never cuddled or spooned as it sounds a bit weird with us. We hold hands, but we can't do it in public without people staring, I'm sure. And about kissing...We kiss with tiny pecks and closed lips but that's it. I guess that's the area that I've been thinking about the most. I blush every time I imagine what it would be like to kiss Kizami with tongue. It really excites me and builds up my curiousity. Of course, I would never force him to move into someting so quickly and I wouldn't even force myself because of the embarrassment. But...I would like to do it just once.

It was hard to think about anything else while I was outside, running a few errands before dinner tonight. I invited Kizami over to stay for the night. Being our first sleepover since we started dating, I figured that something might happen since we were sharing my bed. I physically shook my head. No, I couldn't think like that! Exams were coming up, he was staying over to study with me. That was the reason! I stopped walking, grocery bags in hand. Yeah, exams at the end of April. I just turned sixteen on the first, next to Kizami who would be turning seventeen in October. We were growing up quickly. That being the case, it would be okay to say that we could be more intimate with eachother at our age. We're not in junior high school so it would be okay. Thinking about it, I was still embarrassed. As much as I wanted to do more with my boyfriend I was unsure how to go about it. I read plently of shoujo manga, but that was always between a man and a woman. Is it much different with two men? A chime rang in front of me, causing me to look up on reflex. Two girls walked out of the store that I was next to, talking and smiling happily to eachother. They both carried a bag from the store, the bookstore. I looked to the wide window next to me. It was indeed the local bookstore, judging from the many shelves and sales inside. They sold manga there, too. All the manga that I currently owned, including shoujo manga. I took a breath. This was a stupid idea. I walked inside the store, immediatly regretting it as the chimes rang against the open door. 

I looked around. Luckily there wasn't a lot of people inside. I made my way around the different genres lined up on the shelves, constantly looking around until I reached the manga section. I took one more scan around the store to check that no one was nearby. When I was confident that the coast was clear, I checked the different genres careful. Action, Horror, Kids manga specifically at the bottom shelves, Hentai, Ecchi and Doujinshi at the top shelves so children couldn't reach. I walked along until I reached a very specific genre. Do you know where I'm going with all of this? Yaoi and Shounen-ai manga. It was right there in the corner shelves at the very back of the store, on the top shelves. I was really nervous, seeing the different covers of different boy love doujinshi and manga of the like. To be honest, I was a bit flustered just picking up a random one and flipping to the first few pages. "Gh...!" My face became hot as the first few pages were right in the middle of a sex scene. I quickly closed the book, pushing it back into an empty space on the shelf. I didn't see everything, but I can definitely say that there was...bondage and...and..."Gyaah! Am I an idiot or what?!" I whispered angrily to myself. Damn it...I had to man-up. It was just a book. Just a pornographic book...I read those-just not between men, goddamn it! I tried again, picking up another book and flipping to the first few pages again. Luckily, it was only an introduction. I sighed in relief. Flipping and scimming through more pages, I arrived at a romance scene. 

*The image depicted the seme leaning in close to the uke with piercing eyes, a serious look. The uke stared back at him with slight fear in his eyes as the seme grasped his chin* 

*"It's alright* Said the seme. "Just part your lips and allow me to take control. I'll be gentle"* 

*"Senpai..."* 

*The seme leans further in, they close their eyes and their lips meet between illistrations*. 

*Eventually, their tongues clearly meet. There's moaning and depictions of wet sounds* 

*The seme dives his tongue back into the uke's mouth, sliding their his hand into the other's in a lock* 

*And then, on the next page, the seme cups his other hand on the uke's cro-* 

"That's enough!" I slammed the book down on the floor before seeing anymore. My face was hot from the build up and I was shaking. Would it really go like that? No way. That was just some fangirl's fantasy of a gay relationship, full of heat and drama. I doubted that they were really like that. There's no such thing as a single dominant and a single submissive, unless that's some sort of fetish that anyone could have. The terms Seme and Uke are fictional. I knew that much. So that meant I could...do that stuff to Kizami. I could be in control every now and then. He was taller and had a bigger build than me so the image was difficult to depict in my mind's eye, but it was possible. I picked the book back up, sliding it into it's rightful place. Stepping away from the shelf, I decided to leave. Mom and Dad were expecting me already. I left the store, making my way down the street and on my way home. 

I helped to prepare dinner that evening. Both mom and dad pushed the subject of where I was after picking up the required food items for tonight, plus something for myself. I just rolled my eyes and told them that it wasn't important. No one needed to know but me, and frankly I would rather forget it. The doorbell rang, signalling Kizami's arrival. "I'll get it". Excited, I went to answer it in a hurry, forgetting that I was still wearing an apron. Opening the door, he was right there with his usual bag hanging over his shoulder. "Hey...". I greeted. "Hey...". He repeated, entering and meeting me in a kiss. I pulled away quickly covering my mouth with my hand. "That's bold of you-my parents are here!" "Sorry, I wasn't thinking about them, I was thinking about kissing my boyfriend". "Shush...". Kizami kept his voice low but I hushed him anyway, smiling cheekily as if we were doing something deviant. "Er, come on in. Dinner is almost ready". "Great. I should greet your parents properly". Kizami took off his shoes before heading for the kitchen. I followed right behind him. "Good evening". He said. "Oh, good evening, Yuuya". "Good evening. Make yourself at home". "Thank you". The atmosphere was a lot better than in Kizami's house, brighter, friendlier. My mom still doted over Kizami as if he was her own. They understand, after all. They know what it's like there. Looking at all three of them, Kizami was about the same height as my dad already. "So, Yuuya-kun, do you have a girlfriend yet?" I slapped my face into my hand. Was he even gonna ask Kizami those weird questions?! "How about that Kirisaki girl that Kensuke mentioned?" "Oh, no. I'm not interested like that". "What a shame". Mom said, joining in. "She's a beautiful girl. Why not give her a chance?" "I would but I like someone else". "Is that so? Well, they are very lucky". "I think I'm the lucky one". Really?! I hid my blush away. Kizami said that so casually! I can't beat that! "Kensuke, why don't you take Yuuya to your room like always? Get him settled". "Are you sure?" "Of course. Your father and I can handle the rest of dinner. You were a wonderful help, sweetheart. Thank you". "Anytime. Come on, Kizami. You know the drill".

We settled in my room for now. Kizami brought out a few reference books from his bag, for studying English. "I remember you were having trouble with English the most so we're going to look it over together again, okay?" "Right. Thanks". I usually get good grades in all subjects and I'm not bad at English, I just have some trouble with the bigger words. Kizami aced it during midterms and the final exam last term. He might be working hard for a certain career. "Say, Kizami, do you struggle with any subject in the exam?" "Not really. None of it is exactly easy but I wouldn't say that I struggle with anything". "Heh, why am I not surprised by that answer?" "Meaning...?" "I mean that you're a smart guy and I look up to you for that". I said that, but recently I stopped looking up to Kizami and saw him more as an equal since we started going out. I used to look at him like a brother. Maybe that hasn't changed completely? Kizami's lips curved upwards. He scooted closer to me, wrapping an arm around me by the shoulders. "Really? I don't get that vibe from you anymore. Besides, even if you still felt that way we would still be equal in our relationship. Neither of us stands taller than the other, understand?" "Yeah, I do". "Physically, however, I will always be taller than you". "Haha, duh, you were born first. But you will never have a sexier butt". "Am I supposed to be offended?" "Shut up...". I gave Kizami a light shove, only to be shoved back. I collapsed backwards, hitting the side of the bed painlessly. "Ow, asshole". I said, Kizami approuching me. His shadow cast over me. We shared innocent laughter, our noses touching by the tips. The laughter traced off into silence when the realisation slowly swept over us. Kizami was so close to me, kneeling inbetween my legs. My cheeks heated up, as did Kizami's. Our noses brushed apart before our lips brushed together. Moulding, our lips connected. Kizami's soft hair tickled my forehead and temple. He parted from the kiss for a mere second before touching my lips again and again. Neither of our lips parted, neither of us seemed to make an attempt. Now that I was faced with an opportunity to take the initiative, I began to tremble and shy away from it. Kizami moved away to look at my face. "What's wrong?-you're shaking". I paused for a moment, shaking my head in response. "It...It's nothing. I'm just a bit cold. Autumn is nearly here, afterall". Even in my attempt to reassure Kizami, he still looked concerned for me. At that moment my mother called for us to come downstairs. Dinner was ready. "We, uh, should go. We can come back straight after and study". Kizami nodded faintly. "Yeah, we will. Let's get going then". 

We studied on a full stomach, taking notes of important parts and sipping from our mugs of tea to help us concentrate. Coffee would have made more sense, but that would keep us up, and we would definitely need sleep after this. I felt kind of terrible for not taking the initiative before. Perhaps it just wasn't the right moment. But it wasn't like I could be shy forever. I wanted more physical intimacy with Kizami. Something would have to happen eventually. "So, have you gotten the hang of it?" "Y-yeah, I think so. Since you went over it I feel more confident. Great tutoring". "It's no big deal. I'm happy to help you". Kizami placed his pen down, raising his arms up, locking his hands, and stretching with a strained groan. I averted my gaze, blushing, as I witnessed Kizami's shirt pull up slightly to reveal his stomach and hip. "Nnn...haah...What time is it?" "U-uh...Nearly seven". "Oh, alright. Maybe we should take a bath now, I'm worn out". "Okay, then. Since you're probably more tired than I am you can head in first". I wasn't sure whether to suggest taking one together. Would that be weird since we're a couple now? Kizami stood. "Alright, then. Thank you". "Huh...?" I watched him leave the room, carrying clean clothes. Honestly I expected him to bring up the subject, saying that "we used to do it when we were younger, so how is this any different?" Maybe it wasn't any different, so why would neither of us suggest it? Did Kizami feel embarrassed as well? Thinking about it, it did make sense. If he wasn't embarrassed then it wouldn't sound right. The dominant in a relationship is portrayed as being confident and a bit sadistic towards the submissive. However that's only in fiction. What we have is a real relationship. Plus, we're still in high school so we won't be able to get over all the embarrassing stuff right away like some people who don't give a damn and jump into sex right away. That isn't love. Wait...love? No no no, that was too much-far too much! We haven't even kissed deeply yet! I grabbed my head with both hands at the embarrassing thought, ruffling my hair as if trying to banish these thoughts. 

I went for my bath right after Kizami, sitting in the warm water occupied with my thoughts. I stared up at the plain, white, ceiling, listening to water drip from the faucets. I tried to think of other things, aside from Kizami and my concerns about intimacy. Upcoming exams, school, friends, elections for the new student council president, mom, dad, part-time jobs, Mitsuki, anything to take my mind off of my current worries. I wasn't worried about exams as much as I worried about relationship stuff. I just wanted to be closer to Kizami. That's how it was ever since we were kids, but in a different sense of the term. Back then I was only curious about the most trivial things. They weren't so trivial back then. Listening to Kizami talk about his likes and dislikes meant the world to me at such a young age, mostly because Kizami never opened up about anything. Now that we're dating, I found out so much about him that I never would have guessed as a kid. You know what, even hearing the trivial details now makes me happy to be Kizami's best friend and boyfriend. Knowing that he only talks to me about these things is a privilege. But I suppose I'm past that now. Damn it, I was thinking of him again. Guess I couldn't think of anyone or anything else but him. I smiled at the thought. 

Instead of going straight back to my room, where Kizami was waiting, I went downstairs to make a drink for us both. I was debating whether it should be tea or warm milk, since it used to help me sleep when I was younger. We were both tired so it was a good option but not an appropriate one if you consider our age. I heard soft tapping against the wooden floors in the hallway. Turning towards it, I saw that it was Kizami. "Hey, that's where you went. What are you doing?" "Oh, I was gonna make us something to drink before bed. Um, does tea sound good?" "What? If you are going to make it before bed then why not prepare some warm milk? It's childish but it used to help me get to sleep when I was a child". My eyes widened and my jaw dropped. Somehow, at that moment, I couldn't imagine Kizami as an infant. Come to think of it, I never actually saw any pictures of him when he was a baby. He must have been so cute, I thought, replacing my surprise with a smile. "What is it?" "Nothing at all. Warm milk it is then". I brought out a small pot, placing it on one of the stove rings. "Hey, did you ever put honey in your milk?" "Sometimes...". Kizami admitted sheepishly. I held back a giggle. He was cute even now. "Uh, do you have any cookies or something of the like?" "What, you want something to dip in the milk?" "Shut up...". I had to stop teasing him. "Yeah, I do. They're in that top cuboard". Without having to really reach, Kizami picked out a bag of cookies and a plate for us both to share. He poured out a fair amount before putting the bag back. "Milk's almost ready. Could you get the jar of honey, please?" "Sure, only if you don't tease me". "Alright, alright, I won't tease. Now, could you please get the honey from that cuboard on the left, Oh-mighty-Kizami". "That's better. Here you go". Kizami got out the jar, placing it on the counter. "Thanks. Now it'll be perfect". I poured the contents into two cups, half each. Taking two spoonfuls of honey, I dipped one spoonful in each cup and mixed it. A light wave of steam flew away from the cups, shooting in a totally different direction as we blew softly, taking the first sip. "Remember not to gulp it down, otherwise you'll get a stomach ache". "Thanks, mom". I laughed, taking another small sip. 

This was nice. These moments were nice. Being with and talking to Kizami like this was so nice. We drank our warm milk, ate cookies and sort of bantered with eachother, leaning against the kitchen counter casually as we spoke. "I'll be honest, I can never imagine you as a baby". "Thanks...". Was the sarcastic reply I recieved. "No, I'm serious. All I have to imagine is a tiny you, chubby with big eyes and wearing diapers. For some reason, it's more difficult than it sounds". "Not for me, since I've seen pictures of myself". "Seriously?! There are pictures?!" "Y-yes, but I don't want you to see them". "Why not?" Kizami looked away, failing to hide his smile and/or blush. "It's embarrassing. The only reason that I saw them in the first place was because Haruna forced me to. There was only ever one album with all my baby pictures, but...". Kizami paused, looking serious all of a sudden. "But? Kizami, what is it? Is something wrong?" "N-no, it's just...I think my parents threw that album out years ago". "...Oh...Kizami, I'm-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything". "It's alright. I didn't really care then and I don't really care now". That couldn't be true. That's your childhood, the very beginning of your life. How could they throw it out in the first place?-that's despicable! I reached out to him, rubbing circles in Kizami's back in a lame and stupid attempt to say "there, there". I felt awful once I began doing it and awkwardly retracted my hand. Kizami just smiled distantly. "Thank you, Kurosaki. You're very kind, but I don't intend to dwell on the past". "Right, I understand". I put on a smile too. With that, Kizami kissed my cheek affectionately. I returned it, giving his lips a quick kiss. "Cheeky...". He muttered, kissing my lips. I chuckled into it, glad that Kizami cheered up a little.

In the darkness of my room, under the plain ceiling and directly under warm sheets, I lay right next to Kizami comfortably. We were back-to-back. I felt a bit dozy from the milk, the sweet taste of honey lingering on my lips. I licked them constantly, almost forgetting that Kizami kissed me not too long ago. I liked to think that the sweetness on my lips was partly because of Kizami. I was so distacted by it that I almost didn't feel the mattress sink beside me or hear the creak of the bed springs. "Eh? Kizami? U-uwah...". I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around my waist, pulling me in like a monster pulling you into darkness. Only I wasn't scared. A little freaked out, but not scared. Kizami. Was. Cuddling. Me! He was holding me so securely in his sleep that I felt like a huge teddy bear was hugging me. It was warm and safe. I felt the tip of Kizami's nose explore my hair, his breath sending shivers down my spine. I felt so small in frame compared to him. Kizami's biceps were so big! I could even feel his strong heartbeat against my back, thumping calmly. This was far too exciting for meeee! I felt like my heart would explode. My face felt so hot and I was trembling despite how comfortable and warm this was. This was a bold action on Kizami's part and he wasn't even conscious of it, was he?! "Kurosaki, are you awake?" "Glh...!" I made a strange noise in my surprise. So he was awake! I wriggled in my position as if desperate for air. "Sorry, am I crushing you?" "N-no-oh...J-just a little caught off guard here. Could you...ehh...". "Sure, sorry". Kizami released me, allowing me to sit up. I turned on my lamp, shedding a mellow light on the bed. Kizami sat up too. Um, did I embarrass him by indirectly rejecting his cuddling? Damn it! I did it again! "I'm sorry, Kizami. You just surprised me a little, that's all. I'm not used to being cuddled like that". "And I'm not used to cuddling, so we're even. Did you...like it or hate it?" Alright, I couldn't shy away now. I wasn't going to lie, I wasn't going to be vague, I wasn't going to avoid the question. I was going to be honest. "Well, y-yeah. I did like it. As I said, I was just surprised". "I see. That's good. Would you like to try cuddling again?" "Uh, sure. Yeah, that would be good". Kizami kissed me for a second, a nice gesture that we were getting used to doing. But, for some reason, there was a pause between us. It was as if suggesting to cuddle pushed us to think daring thoughts at that moment after the kiss. I found myself wanting to do it again. Almost simutaniously, we leaned in to eachother again, kissing for a bit longer. Once it parted, Kizami spoke. "Kurosaki, could you...stick out you tongue?" My face flushed in heat. He was serious, he certainly looked serious. My hands visibly shook, only to have both of Kizami's hands overlap them to try and calm me down. "We don't have to if-". "No...". I quickly interupted. "No, it...it's okay". I presented a nervous smile that Kizami took into consideration as he nodded, followed by a considerate response from him. "We'll take it slowly, like we've always done so far. Alright?" I nodded, taking my time as I pushed out the tip of my tongue nervously. "Alright...". Kizami seemed to say to himself before beginning as slowly as I did. 

He leaned in, I assumed. My eyes were closed so I couldn't see what he was doing. More like my eyes were squeezed shut. It must have been a funny image of my face, like someone who just ate a sour piece of candy for the first time. In a few, long, seconds, I felt a strange sensation. It was only for a moment, but it was moment of something soft, wet and warm. Kizami's...tongue? He seemed to have brushed the tip of his with mine, sending chills down my spine and arms. I think I got goosebumps from it. As much as I tried to relax I only felt myself tense up more. And then Kizami placed both hands on my cheeks. It helped me to relax a little. So when Kizami brushed our tongues together again, I did the same unconsciously. "Hhn...Haa...". I let out a small moan, breathing normally as our tongues continued to brush together. And then, without warning, our tongues circled eachother. "Ahn...haah...ahn...". I moaned quietly at the sensations. Kizami leaned in further, moving his tongue around every inch of mine slowly until, suddenly, our lips met while our muscles connected still. I talk about it as if it was happening really quickly, and it was fast. But I also couldn't help but feel like time was moving very slowly as our actions took place, like watching a car crash right in front of you. Although you feel you can do something, you can't help but stand still as reality unfolds right before your eyes. This felt the same. As nervous as I was, there was nothing I could do to stop it now, even if I didn't want it to continue. And I honestly didn't want this to stop just yet. Though nervous, I was also incredibly excited. Very excited. "Hmn! Nn...hah...ahn-mn!". Kizami's tongue...was in my mouth. Circling my tongue, exploring my gums and teeth. He seemed to have had a strike of confidence as he took charge of the kiss, dominating my first french kiss. He took one of my hands in his. It would have been obvious that I was shaking like crazy. Our lips moulded and moved against eachother, our tongues seemingly dancing with eachother slowly and sensually. My face felt like it was on fire and I was practically suffocating, unable to breathe-even through my nose. Before finally parting, my lips wet and my jaw aching, Kizami pulled my bottom lip inbetween both of his a little bit before the only thing still connecting us was a saliva string. Panting on eachother's face, there was a moment of staring into eachother's eyes. I was exhausted from a kiss. How is that possible? Was it because it was my first time kissing so passionately or was it my nerves taking a toll on me? Either way, I wanted to crash back down onto my mattress in a heap. Kizami was still holding my hand, running his fingers along the knuckles. "W-wow...". I whispered, feeling dazed. "I...couldn't have said it better myself". Kizami chuckled, still breathless. "Haha...yeah...". I was still blushing, Kizami too. Although I doubted that his was deeper than mine. 

Taking it steady, we lay back down under the sheets. Kizami shuffled right next to me until he managed to wrap his arms around me again. They both went around my waist, my back once again at his chest. His heartbeat was now thumping rapidly, telling me that he was possibly excited. I definitely was, too, my heart racing just as fast. Kizami smiled against my head, inhaling into my hair. "Goodnight, Kurosaki". I buried my face into the comfortable pillow, gradually dozing off into sleep. "Goodnight...". I mumbled, closing my eyes. Autumn and the beginning of our third term was approuching. The days would gradually get colder. At that thought, I wished to cuddle with my boyfriend, Kizami, a whole lot more with a blanket draped over our bodies as we would lie there quietly, listening to the silence and being happy in eachother's company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kisses and cuddles everybody!


	22. I Could Never Want Anyone Else

Kizami's POV

Cradling myself, I felt a cold breeze run through my torso. I buried my nose in my scarf as I let out a breath of cold air. Autumn was now in session, however, due to the cold, it felt more like the middle of winter. It was the coldest autumn that we've had in a while but the show must go on. A baseball game was planned for today. Byakuden against Paulownia Academy. I was never intersted in sporting events but Kurosaki was playing so I thought I should take an hour out of my life to cheer him on. I was sure that he would appreciate my silent support. Obviously I wouldn't cheer out loud-but in my microscopic heart. A lot of students came to spectate and cheer from both schools. The game didn't start yet as the players were getting ready in the locker rooms. That must have been a nightmare, considering the cold weather. The average square of land used for the game was littered with the fallen leaves of autumn and rotted cherry blossoms. Red, brown and yellow covered the field, flying with the wind across the dust and earth. It was all I could stare at before the game started. I did hope in my heart that Kurosaki would do his best. Aside from karaoke, Kurosaki loves baseball more than anything. In fact, he loves sport in general. I remember playing tag with him in the neighbourhood when we were kids. I wasn't particularly excited about the game but Kurosaki was. He always liked activities like that. 

Footsteps creaked along the wooden platform, coming towards me. I didn't raise my head even if it would provide a moment away from the boredom that I felt. I merely glanced, relying on the corner of my eye to confirm who it was. "Uh, hi, Yuuya". It was Kirisaki, using my first name again without permission. I now have a habit of letting it pass by since she never uses my last name. And of course she felt flustered by just being in my presence. I actually turned my head, my thoughts coming to a stop and my body tensing up. Urabe stood behind her with a scowl on her face as she looked down on me. If you saw me sitting here then you could have sat somewhere else. "I-is it alright if we sit here?" "Go ahead. I don't mind". Kirisaki sat closely to me, nervously collecting her hands in her lap. Urabe didn't sit beside her. "Um, Emi, aren't you going to sit?" "I have to use the restroom. I'll be right back". "Wha-Hey! Emi?!" Urabe left the platform, disappearing out of sight as she headed back to the school building. She literally just got here and then decides to go to the restroom? What is she thinking? Kirisaki sat quietly on the bench, not looking at me. Her face was slightly red. Now, I couldn't tell whether that was from the cold or embarrassment. I wanted to guess both as she looked at anything but me. "Uh, E-Emi sure is taking a long time, huh?" Are you kidding me? "Mm...". I didn't answer properly. What was this? Why leave me and Kirisaki alone like thi-...Then it hit me. No...No way... 

She planned this! Urabe planned for me and Kirisaki to be alone! She might have also convinced Kirisaki to "be brave" and confess to me already. What a crock. What the hell was she trying to pull?! What a frustrating girl. Who does she think she is? She can't just try and make me and Kurosaki break up by forcing a confession from Kirisaki onto me. It wouldn't work. "Listen, uh, Yuuya-ah!" There was sudden cheering from the crowd of students. The players made their way out from the P.E department. I could see Kurosaki right away. They each wore their team's letterman jackets for the cold conditions while they played. That and their baseball caps. Seeing him finally brought a smile to my lips. Each player on the opposite team seemed to be covering the field first while our team was batting. Cheering filled the platforms on the side-lines, students cheering for either our first batter or the opposite team's pitcher. I was simply cheering for Kurosaki, quietly. 

He seemed to spot me in the crowd from his distance, since he suggested that I wear my own letterman jacket. He asked so it was easy to spot me. He waved directly towards me, giving me no choice but to wave back. In a way, it was like passing eachother a signal of "wish me luck" and "good luck". I did mean it that way. I wished him luck. "I never knew you were into baseball". Kirisaki said as if disposing her previous nervousness. "Oh, honestly, not really. I came to support Kurosaki since he was a little nervous this morning". "Oh, I see. That's very kind of you to do that for him". "It's no big deal. We're friends. I know he would do something similar for me". Kirisaki nodded along, oblivious to the fact that I was dating him. It's funny but cruel that I find that amusing. Kirisaki has liked me romantically longer than Kurosaki has, yet I'm dating him, a man. I would laugh if I wasn't in public. "You two are really great friends to eachother. I have two best friends because I can never choose one over the other. I'm a little envious. No matter what, you would always choose Kurosaki, wouldn't you?" What's that supposed mean? It wasn't the way she said it, but the words themselves that made the sentence sound...spiteful. Wait, did Urabe tell Kirisaki that I was dating Kurosaki?! I looked to Kirisaki. A sad expression crossed her face. Oh, shit! "Kirisaki, I'm going to go to the restroom. I swear I'll be right back". "Okay, then. Be quick because I think Kurosaki's turn is almost here". I left the field, running back to the school building. I had to confront Urabe myself. 

I reached the school hallways, near both restrooms. I spotted Urabe just leaving the girl's room, walking the opposite direction towards the baseball field. "Urabe...". She heard my voice loud and clear, turning around. I approuched her, angrily slamming my fist to the wall by her head. She flinched but held herself steady in demeanor. "What the hell is wrong with you? Did you tell Kirisaki about me and Kurosaki?" Luckily, aside from us, the halls were empty so no one would hear me admit my relationship with him. "So what if I did?" My fist clenched. I've never hit a woman before but I was being pushed to hit my first. I stayed calm, however, trying to control the situation with words and not violence. "Why would you do that? Are you stupid? You swore that you would never tell anyone. You said that if she found out then she would be hurt, is that what you wanted?" "Of course not!" Urabe's calm demeanor shattered to pieces. I relaxed my fist when she did, letting it fall back to my side. "Of course I didn't want to hurt her! I just...I thought that if she finally comfessed to you with all of her sincerity then you would think straight and go out with her instead. But she didn't believe me when I told her. She was really upset, actually. She told me I was wrong and that what I was saying wasn't funny. Then I managed to convince her to tell you the truth so that she could prove me wrong. That's all I wanted. I just didn't want her to be in pain". That was no excuse to me. 

"And what about Kurosaki? If I break up with him because of something as sick as this then his heart would be broken. He would be in more pain-". "I wanted to set him up with Mitsuki! I wanted them both to be happy-I want you two to date them-not eachother! What you're doing is sick and wrong. No happiness can come from that kind of relationship. None!" Urabe had tears in her eyes from her sudden uproar. She wiped them desperately with her hand. "As long as they're happy then I'm happy. Don't you understand that?" I didn't. I cared a lot more about Kurosaki than what Urabe thought. It sounded selfish but it was just honesty. She was being selfish as well, trying to tear me and Kurosaki apart because she was disgusted with our relationship. I wouldn't stand for it. "Urabe, I have absolutely zero intention to break up with Kurosaki because of your reasoning. I care about him so, so much. Can't YOU understand that? I won't date someone that I don't like romantically. That would be the same as toying with her feelings. Do you want that?" Urabe shook her head. "Good. I want you to tell Kirisaki that Kurosaki and I aren't dating. Say to her that someone else lied about that, call it a stupid rumour and apologise. That's all you have to do. Please". Urabe thought for a moment before answering. "F-fine. I'll tell her that it was a stupid joke or something and that I took it too seriously". "Whatever you want". Urabe walked off first to meet Kirisaki again. I eventually followed, making my own way to the field. As I stepped in near the fences, I saw Kurosaki being the next batter. I stayed by the gate as I watched. The pitcher threw the ball, Kurosaki attacking immediatly without faltering. He hit the ball, sending it flying at a great distance before dumping the bat and running around the field. The crowd cheered loudly as the runners followed the ball, halting after it went over the fence. Kurosaki got a home-run on his first go. I smiled, looking up to the platforms of cheering students. Among them I saw Urabe and Kirisaki talking. Well, Urabe was talking and Kirisaki appeared to be listening. The conversation seemed to end in an apologetic hug between the two. Good, the problem was over. Hopefully it wouldn't happen again. 

Since the game was after school, Kurosaki and I walked together towards my house. He talked about the game like he was talking about philosiphy. I found his passion for the game to be quite cute. "I mean, did you see that pitch? Hajime knows what he's doing-like a professional. He could definitely be a star someday. Everyone was amazing-even the other team! They were pretty cool guys to play with. We might have another match next time. But, since we won, we're going to the next school for the next match". "I'm proud of you, really. I watched that home-run on your first turn. It was nothing short of impressive". "Aw, thanks". I didn't tell Kurosaki about the incident with Urabe. It would probably make him upset after his victory today. I didn't want to dampen his mood. "Say, since our team won, how about I treat us to a crepe or something? Anything you want". "Hey, I was just a spectator. If anything, I should be treating you for your hard work". "Well, if you insist~". "Hahaha, you wanted me to treat you after all, didn't you?". "Haha...Maybe...". No, I couldn't ruin this mood. Kurosaki was his cheerful self. Who would want to ruin that? This was what I wanted. This was all I needed. I didn't want a girlfriend-at all. To be in a relationship with someone I barely know would only have quick end. I've known Kurosaki for nearly my whole life and we're really happy. Of course we would have our awkward moments, but we got past them eventually. Although we've only gone on a couple dates and open-mouth kissed twice, we can be considered a proper couple now. We stopped at a cafe that served take-out for foods like crepes or ice-cream. Kurosaki ordered a decorative crepe with all sorts of toppings and I got a simple one with a sort of fudge sauce inside. I decided to treat Kurosaki anyway, handing the money over the counter and politely saying goodbye to the cashier. We were in no rush but thought that it was a little embarrassing to sit in as a couple, so we stopped at a nearby bench in an empty park. "That thing is a mess". I said, eyeing the abomonation that was Kurosaki's snack. "That's what it's called on the menu, y'know. And I don't care. I exercised a lot today so I'm building those calories back up". "You're supposed to build calories first and then exercise". "Well, yeah, but it's been a backwards kind of day today". "How so?" I asked, taking a bite out of my crepe. "We won today". "Oh...". I nearly chuckled at his obvious joke. "Pft...Don't say that when you don't mean it". "Fine, then. I'll rephrase. Paulownai lost today". "That's much better". He kind of said the same thing but made both teams look good. 

About halfway into Kurosaki's crepe and he already made a mess of his lips and chin, like a toddler in a high chair. "Heh, see, you got it all over your face". I used the spare napkin around my crepe to clean his face. No one was around so it was fine. Who would look at this kind of scene anyway? "Thanks. You got some on your face too". "What? No I-...". I stopped when Kurosaki dabbed the corner of his crepe to my nose. Some chocolate was on that corner. I could feel the cool sweet on the tip of my nose. "Ha.ha, very funny". I wiped the chocolate off with my sleeve, repeating the same action to Kurosaki. "Haha, okay, okay. You got me back". Swiftly he licked the tiny swirl of chocolate from his nose. "How shameful of you". "I don't care. It's just chocolate". I shook my head in disapproval, failing to hide a smile. "Um, hey, Kurosaki?". The question was on my mind since the game ended, but I was unsure whether to ask until now. "Hm? What is it?" If I didn't ask then it would only irritate me. "Do you...still like girls? I don't mean that in a sense that says that you've lost interest in me-I'm not accusing you of that. It's just...I think you're still attracted to girls even when you like me. Is that true or did I ask a stupid question just now?" Kurosaki's smile vanished. He looked down at the pavement in thought. He was thinking seriously, coming up with a serious answer to my very serious question. He took a breath, leaning forward. "Ho-honestly, I am. I still think girls are cute and attractive. Is that wrong because I'm dating a guy?" I thought about it too. I didn't really regret asking. I was sorry to do so, so honestly, but I didn't regret it. "No, it's not wrong. I can't tell you to stop staring at a pretty girl or commenting on how nicely she's dressed. It'll hurt a little but I would have to accept it, wouldn't I?" "That's a little exaggerated. I wouldn't stare at a pretty girl. I would glance and I would keep any comments I had to myself or I wouldn't think of them at all". "So you're saying that-". "I'm saying that I only want to look at you, Kizami. It's true that I can still be attracted by girls, but lately I haven't even thought of girls. I thought of where you and I should go on our next date, and what we would talk about and I would think about how much kissing we could do. I really like you, Kizami. I may even like you more than women". Kurosaki bit his bottom lip at the last sentence. I was astonished by his honesty. And he was being honest. I knew he was. I didn't care if we were in public. I placed my hand firmly on Kurosaki's shoulder, kissing his cheek softly. "I'm happy you said that. Thank you". I muttered next to his ear, wrapping am arm around him. "W-wow, you're being quite bold, aren't you". "Uh-huh. Problem?" "N-no, none". "That's good because I like you more than anyone, Kurosaki". "I noticed". We shared a chuckle, our temples meeting as my arm remained around Kurosaki's shoulders. He sighed comfortably. 

"Mn...So warm...". Kurosaki mumbled. He clung to me, inhaling slightly into my jacket. "Mm...Can I wear this to bed sometime? It's so soft and warm and it smells like you~". "O-kay, that's a little weird but, sure. Why not?" "Thank you~". I chuckled, kissing the top of Kurosaki's head. "Say, uh, Kurosaki, no one will be in the house tomorrow so we can spend the night together. We could get take-out if you'd like, from anywhere. Would you like to do that or are you busy?" "Hm? Tomorrow? Sunday? I'm in. Can I wear your jacket to bed then?" "If you want. I heard that it'll be pretty cold tomorrow night". "Yay...". Kurosaki let out a very feeble "yay". He was being cute again. I don't even think that he was doing it on purpose. "Are you tired?" "Kinda. I'm just gonna go home and take a nap". Kurosaki sat up, stretching. "Can you send a text to me about the details for tomorrow. Y'know, like a meeting place and a time?" "Absolutely. Any time during the evening is fine for me, just as long as all the restaraunts are open". Kurosaki stood, giving me a quick kiss, momentaraly letting me taste the sweetness on his lips". "See you then". "Bye...". He left then, throwing his napkin into a nearby trash can. I sighed deeply, my breath visible from the cold. Great, another date. And we kissed in public for the first time. I stood from the bench, walking the opposite way to pick up some errands as big sis' nagged me to do. I looked forward to our next date among many others. And hopefully Urabe would stop harrassing us, although I felt like it wouldn't be the last time. And it got me thinking about the day that Kirisaki would confess to me. I knew my answer already. I just had to be patient and wait for it. Kurosaki is the only person I like, after all.


	23. We Won't Move Too Fast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wrote this because I didn't have a lot of ideas. I think the next chapter, or the one after, will start during the winter of their next year. A lot more interesting events should happen then. I promise...

Kurosaki's POV

The different scents of food filled the waiting area of the restaraunt, a light steam coming from the kitchens. People filled the tables at this hour, families, friends and couples. Kizami sat on the opposite side of where I sat, lookimg through one of the menus as we waited patiently for our order. We visited a chinese restaraunt for a change, ordering take-out. It wasn't something we did often but it was nice every now and then. Especially now since Kizami and I had planned a little date inside the house. Nothing special. Just a peaceful night in where we could just relax and actually act like a couple while sharing a blanket. This was autumn so going out wasn't the best idea. We were only out to get dinner. My stomach rumbled for the third time. The strange sound made Kizami raise his head. "Excuse you. Hungry?" "Starving. When was the last time I had chinese food?" "The last time I had it was when I was a kid. It was Haruna's birthday so Kouki treated her to dinner, dragging me along. I never asked to go but I had to go". "Really? Sounds like you weren't grateful for it. I remember only going on special occasions too when I was a kid. Now you see people going all the time for take-out and stuff". It did seem more common now. But, in this country, you can't beat traditional meals. My stomach growled again, louder. "D-damn it. This is embarrassing. I didn't have a big lunch because of our up-coming date". "Me too. In this place, the portions are very generous so I'm not surprised". "Yeah, they're huge". Just then, our table number was announced from behind the counter. "That's us". Kizami said, getting up from his chair to go pick up our food and pay. I got excited then, not thinking about how we still had to get the train home before eating. 

Outside was frosty today, for autumn. There wasn't any ice or snow, of course, just the cold. I shivered, clenching the handle of my hot bag of food. It was all I could think about. So much so that I would instantly forget about the cold as my stomach grumbled. "Let's hurry. If we do then we can catch an earlier train". "I'm not arguing". I followed Kizami's lead as we walked to the station. Checking my cellphone, I saw that we had about twenty minutes to catch the next train. It was definitely possible to make it. We did manage to get on the train, just barely as the doors closed behind us. Heavy breaths filled our lungs and exited visbly. Since we were both quite active, physically, our panting didn't last long. "That was close". I breathed out, taking a seat. Kizami sat down beside me. "Yeah, too close. But we made it. This should all still be hot by the time we get to your place". "Let's hope for that". We usually went to my place for sleepovers and generally hanging out because Kizami disliked being in his house. I didn't mind and neither did my parents. They seemed to like having Kizami over. They would even joke about having him move in and becoming a part of the family. I didn't like it when they did that, though. Kizami would know that they were joking but it felt like he took it to heart as well, so I eventually asked them to stop. They even realised that Kizami's situation was no joking matter. They felt quite bad about it too. Thinking of that, I unconsciously overlapped the knuckles of Kizami's clenched fist as it held the bag. "Kurosaki? We're on public transport, what are you doing?" "O-oh, sorry. Um, I just...wanted to hold your hand for a while. Th-that's all. Sorry, again". I retracted my hand, only to have it being held itself. "Can I hold yours instead?" Kizami asked with a smile. I didn't reply. No one was really here anyway so I shamelessly leaned my head to his shoulder comfortably for the whole journey, while Kizami held my hand. It was warm. So warm... 

Dinner was already served when we returned to my house. We both sat at the kitchen with our food, which was still warm, and opened up each tin-foil container we got. There was no point in hesitating or waiting. I was starving-we both were. I remembered only having a candy bar for lunch because I wanted to save room. They didn't mess around with portions. We had a starter and our main course right in front of us, both big in portions but so delicious. I unwrapped my chopsticks, seperating them before starting. "So good...". I muttered while savouring my first taste of vegetable spring rolls. "Don't talk with your mouth full". "S-sorry, Kizami". I covered my mouth, a little embarrassed that he had to tell me that. I licked my lips, savouring each bite as I didn't know when I would have this again. I heard the front door opening and then shutting. Keys clattered on the counter just beside the door. "I'm home~". It was mom, returning with some last-minute groceries. "Hey, mom. Welcome back". I turned my head towards the hallway. Mom entered the kitchen with some bags. "Kensuke, dear, could you get the rest that are in the hall?" "Yeah, no problem". "Good boy. Thank you". I rushed out to the hallway to pick up the extra bags. Lifting up the last four, I carried them into the kitchen and began helping mom out. "I'll help out, too". Kizami offered, getting up from his chair. "Oh, nonsense. You're a guest, Yuuya". "I don't mind. Besides, I've been visiting your home for so long that I memorised where everything goes". Kizami rummaged through a bag, picking up some boxes of tea bags andmtins of coffee beans. He opened the correct cuboard and stored them inside. "See? This is where you keep coffee, tea, sugar and other seasonings". "Oh, my. You really have memorised everything. Well, you really don't have to help but I guess thinhs would get done faster. Thank you, Yuuya". "It's no trouble at all". Kizami was like family to me, and only me. Now that I think of it, it would be nice to have him around the house more often. But I couldn't say that to his face as I didn't know how he would react. I would basically be asking him to move in and that's way too fast for us, even if it is my parent's house. But I know how miserable he is in his parent's house. And he looks so happy here. I wanted that. I wanted Kizami to be happy. 

Kizami and I finished off our dinner, full even after having nearly nothing for lunch. We sat on the sofa to watch a movie together. Mom said she would give us peace and head upstairs to read quietly. "Don't stay up too late, boys. I don't want you to keep Yuuya here too late". She called out from the stairs. "I won't, mom!" I heard a door shut upstairs. In the next moment, I was being pulled down on my side by Kizami. When I lay down I was then pulled into his chest. A warm blanket was draped over our bodies, making my toes curl in their socks. Kizami let out a relaxed sigh in my hair, his arms wrapped around my sides. "So, how long are you staying for?" "Is eight okay? I don't want to keep you up too late". "No, it's okay. Eight is fine. That means we have two hours together. My dad won't back till nine anyway and mom is upstairs, so...". "What are you suggesting. Something dirty?" Kizami pressed his lips to the nape of my neck, brushing them up to whisper in my ear. "Wh-what? No. Of course not. I just like being alone with you, that's all". "Liar...". Kizami nibbled on the shell of my ear, turning me over onto my back in the next moment. He got on top, kissing me on the lips softly. "Alright, alright". I said when he pulled back, unable to hide my smile. "But just for a little while". Kizami smirked, leaning down to kiss me again. I parted my lips to let his tongue enter, boldly meeting his tongue first with a soft moan. "Mn, that's bold". Kizami smirked, talking just an inch above my lips before getting back into the kiss. He was positioned inbetween my legs, smothering me with kisses and affection. I didn't mind at all. Kizami then brought his lips down from my chin, to my throat, to my neck. He kissed and sucked on the skin lightly. The sensation was both ticklish and delightful. I didn't stop him from doing it. "Kizami...". I whispered his name, running my fingers through his dark hair. But it didn't last. 

In the next moment I felt Kizami push himself against my...area. We both gasped sharply. That was when I broke from our activity. "Ki-Kizami, stop. Please, that's enough". Kizami sat up quickly, moving back from me. We both panted heavily, both startled by what just happened. "Haah...haa...Kurosaki, I'm...I'm so sorry. I got too excited. Forgive me". "N-no, it's really alright. I got really excited too and I accidentally pushed my hips forward". Both of our faces were red from embarrassment. I curled up in my sitting position. We weren't ready for something like that. Not for anything sexual. It was too much. "I'm sorry, again. That's moving too fast at our stage". "Yeah, you're right". We sat still for a moment, catching our breath. Kizami then crawled towards me, wrapping his arms around me for a hug. I needed one too. I gladly accepted his hug, burying my face hot into his chest. "Are you alright?" He asked. "Y-yeah, I'm okay. You?" "Mm-hm...". It might seem silly to people who have already had sex, but it was too much for us. Neither of us were ready for anything of the sort. Especially for two guys that weren't originally interested in other guys. We were total novices in a relationship anyway. I mean, I would touch myself whenever I needed to but I never imagined being touched by another man. To be honest, it scared me a little. Sex with another man. If I was on bottom then it would hurt. If I was on top then I would hurt Kizami. It wasn't something that I wanted to think about. Kizami pulled away from our hug, wearing a smile of great comfort to me. "Not yet. We can wait". Was all he said before recieving a nod from me. He kissed my forehead. I felt better. Kizami didn't do it to purposely hurt me. He is a man, after all. We have needs that might be harder to cope with. Being a man myself I could understand. I even pushed my own hips up to meet his crotch. It was done without thinking. Since we both understood that we could get past it. 

That night, near eight o'clock, I escorted Kizami to the door. It had already become dark outside and no one was in the street. Kizami turned to kiss my lips, lingering for several seconds before pulling away. "Well, goodnight, Kurosaki. I'll see you tomorrow". "Right. Have a safe trip home, unless you would like me to walk you?" "Hm, I'm a big boy. Don't worry. Just get some sleep tonight, okay?" "Okay. Goodnight". We gave eachother another kiss goodbye. I watched Kizami head down the street, turning back for a moment to wave. I waved back, watching him walk off into the distance. I stepped back in the house when he was no longer in sight. Sighing, I rubbed one of my eyelids as I was quite sleepy. Tomorrow would remain the same. We could just forget about what happened and move on. But it wasn't like we could never think about it. I wanted to be with Kizami in that way too, just not now. Doing so would be moving too fast and jumping into something that we didn't understand. We weren't prepared for it right now. I walked to bed, not wanting to think about the subject anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this made me hungry. Enough said.


	24. My Valentine

Kizami's POV

Our second year had finally arrived. It was winter, February. Kurosaki and I had been dating for a few months now. Nothing has gotten boring since we started dating. Every moment with Kurosaki is a lot of fun, I found. We go on dates, we study together, and I've spent quite a bit of time at his house. All of that and my part-time job. Hopefully I could earn enough money to rent an apartment and finally move out by the end of my second year in high school. I was seventeen now so I was allowed, since my parents pretty much disowned me. I could leave if I had the money. And I wasn't talking about just a month's worth of rent. Ever since I was ten, shoveling snow from driveways in the winter and selling beatles in the summer, I've been saving up money. My goal is at least a year's worth of rent, plus other expenses. Then I'll be set to live on my own for a while, continuing to make a small income until I get a proper job that would pay fairly. That's the hope. Right now, I could only focus on my studies and recieve good qualifications in order to get a job. University qualifications would help too. With that in mind, I might as well save up for a tuition. I kind of was. Maybe a year's worth of rent was a bit of a stretch. It was a complicated plan if I included university tuition. But I had to go. I had to go to help make something of my life. But money was the only problem. Would I have to live there until I finished high school? I didn't want to think of that. 

That morning, on February 14th, I walked to Kurosaki's place to pick him up. We had school, after all. He came out of his house, just slipping on his shoes. "See ya, mom!" "Goodbye, dear. Have a good day. I hope you get lots of cards and gifts". "Aw, mom". The door closed. Cards and gifts? What did she-..."Hey, uh, Kizami. Um, h-happy Valentines day". Valentines? I totally forgot. "Good morning, and...um...To you, too". I mumbled, a little embarrassed when the realisation hit me. Kurosaki and I were a couple. And it was Valentines day today. Would that really work for us since we're both men? Neither Valentines day or White day could work out for same-sex couples. It sounded a little odd. "Um, it's pretty cold out and we can't be late. Let's hurry up and get to school". "Huh? Oh, right. You're right, Kizami". Kurosaki followed beside me, his cheeks a little red. By now I knew that it wasn't from the cold. I had seen that blush countless times and it never got old. Kurosaki was really cute when he became embarrassed. Anyway, I suppose Kurosaki had the same thoughts about the time of the year. For a guy to buy chocolates for another guy is a bit...Well, it's embarrassing. This atmosphere was a little off, as it usually was whenever new romantic situations arose between us, whether it was kissing, holding hands in public, sharing a lunch. We got past all of those but there was still so many embarrassing things that we couldn't do. Right now, Valentines day was an obsticle. We could just treat it like a normal day, but we forgot about one thing that would make that day difficult. 

Arrivijg at school, we went to our shoe lockers to change them. Upon opening mine, I froze. Stacked one on top of the other, directly on my school slippers, were flat and small boxes of different shapes and sizes. Most were in the shape of a heart and wrapped ih ribbons. What the hell? I knew what they were. I looked around to see groups of girls staring at me before quickly turning away. I chose to ignore the boxes of chocolates, carefully taking out my slippers and dropping them on the floor to change. Kurosaki's locker was on the other side of mine so he didn't have to see this. Once my shoes had been changed and put away, I closed the locker and acted like nothing happened. "Coming, Kurosaki?" "Oh, yeah. Wait up". Kurosaki followed next to me. I payed no attention to the girls whispering as we past, even though I could hear them. "He ignored them? What did we do wrong?" "Was it too much?" "Does he not like us? Maybe he already has a girlfriend". "What? That can't be". I sighed, not tuning back to see them. Glancing to Kurosaki, he had a questionable expression on his face. He looked quite down. Even if he didn't see the obnoxious message that those girls were trying to send to me, he knew what was going on. It made me wonder how he felt to see that. To see girls give me gifts when I had nothing to do with them. Maybe I could get him something for today. He had club practice so I could make it a surprise for him. "Um, Kurosaki, would you like to get together after your club practice today?" "Huh? Oh, sure. Uh! Umm...We could go to my place, if you want". "That sounds fine. Should we meet at the train station, right after practice?" "Uh-huh. It's a date. I-I mean...uh...You know what I mean". I would give him a kiss if we weren't in school. While he was at club, I could get something for him. It didn't have to be embarrassing. The same thing would happen on White day, anyway. Kurosaki would appreciate it, I think. 

For today's lunch, Yamamoto invited me and Kurosaki to the student council room, much to Fukuroi's dismay. They were student council members, not us. But it was Valentines and she wanted all the single people to get together, including Katayama and Ohkawa. Of course we would have to go along with it because we couldn't exactly blirt out that we were dating. So we went with the safe option. Shimada would be the only one left out because he already had a girlfriend, or ten, knowing him. Better that he wasn't there. Kirisaki wouldn't approve at all. Arriving at the student council room, everyone was already seated and having lunch. Two seats were left, in front of those on the table were two boxes, like the ones stoored in my shoe locker. "Heeey, it's Kizami and Kurosaki!" Yamamoto announced our presence. "Come on in, sit down with the rest of the single people. It looks like someone left gifts for you before you got here". "Is this a joke?" I asked. "No, no. I swear that they were here when we came in. Two girls must have overheard my invitation and placed them there. Have any idea who they could be?" "No, and I don't want to find out". This was getting tiresome. If only I could tell the truth and say that I already had Kurosaki and that he already had me. It was so frustrating that I couldn't. Just like Urabe, we would probably be discriminated for it. Just because we were both men. "What do you mean? You don't want to know who your admirer is?" "No, I don't. I've already recieved a bunch of these today, it's annoying". "You have?" Kurosaki asked. Damn it. "W-well, I'm not surprised. It is you, Kizami. I never expected to get one myself". "Why not?" We were sort of drifting into our own conversation. If it didn't end I felt like I would end up saying something embarrassing. "I'm not as attractive as most guys in here, so...". No. I wanted to tell Kurosaki how wonderful he was. How much of a positive influence he is on my life. How cute and smart and funny he is. How he deserves all the happiness in the world. But I couldn't say any of that in front of everyone else. "You're not bad". I hated that I had to say something like that. It wasn't true at all. "Thanks, man". But Kurosaki didn't take it to heart. He laughed it off, pushing his fist to my arm. I sighed, taking the small box and slipping it into my bag. "Thank you to the person who gave this to me". I had a hunch about who it was. I appreciated her courage for getting this for me but I would throw it out, like all the others. I would accept something like that from the person who I like. In other words, my current boyfriend, Kurosaki. 

Later that day, after school, Kurosaki went to baseball club while I went to buy chocolates for him. It did seem strange to do so since I saw plenty of girls crowd around stalls in the streets that sold chocolate. I thought about it and buying a box of them would be too...awkward. Instead I went to a local bakery and bought him a piece of chocolate cake, his favourite kind of course. Since he was athletic it seemed like more of a kind gesture than a Valentines day gift. But, knowing Kurosaki, he wouldn't hesitate to try it out. I even had it placed it a small box with ribbon tied around it so there was no difference. I wrote a message in the small card attatched. All I had to do then was wait by the train station. Kurosaki would arrive from the next train due. I clenched the handles of the plastic bag in my hands, feeling nervous. Inside the bag, as well as Kurosaki's gift, was all the boxes I recieved that day. They would all end up in the trash because I really didn't want them. I would tell the girls who gave them to me but I understand that they could get easily offended or upset if I'm direct. I guess there are also a lot of girls who would probably understand and move on. I can respect someone who doesn't dwell on things. But hearing the way that most of these girls speak and act, I don't see them taking a rejection lightly. As if I would tell them anyway. It was better that way, to lie and move on rather than knowing that I upset someone over a silly gift that meant nothing to me. The train pulled pulled up at the platform after the short, recorded announcement bellowed through the station. I watched the crowd exit one by one until Kurosaki appeared. I stood to greet him, noticing the plastic bag in his hand. He looked down to mine, only noticing himself that we both had one. "Hey, Kizami. Um, you have a, uh, bag there. What's in it?" "The boxes I recieved today". It wasn't a lie but I was also hiding the truth from him. "What about yours?" "Oh, these are the boxes that Shimada recieved. He asked me to throw them out for him". "I see. He has to get someone else to do his dirty work?" "Yep. I assume you're throwing those out?" "Yeah, of course. I already have someone, remember?" Kurosaki smiled approuching me for a quick kiss. We were public but it didn't seem to matter at that moment. "Shall we go throw these out together?" I asked. "Uh-huh. Well, I kind of have to keep one". "Huh...?" "It's, uh, the one I recieved today. The only one. Can I accept it just this once?" "I don't mind. You deserve at least one after all. Of course you do". "Thanks. But remember, I like you. No one else can replace you, okay?" "I know. Come on. It's cold. Let's get to your place and warm up". "Right...". Kurosaki wanted to keep a box that was for him. I honestly didn't mind. It was a gesture from someone who liked him, but he didn't feel the same. That was fine with me.

I tossed all boxes into the trash outside, hiding Kurosaki's gift in the living room while he was upstairs. Kurosaki said that he wanted to clear his room before throwing stuff out because he was apparently embarrassed with the mess of books, manga and video game cartridges. He came down later with the trash that Shimada forced on him, spilling every box into the trash can along with the plastic bags in the recycling bin. "Right. We can go upstairs now since everything is cleared". "Okay. Go on ahead. Is it okay if I get us two sodas?" "Okay. Thanks". Kurosaki went on ahead, giving me a chance to get his gift from the living area. That had to have looked suspicious. But it was done now. I picked it up, along with the two soda's, and went upstairs to Kurosaki's room. I hid the box behind my back, entering the open door. "Here you go". I passed a drink to Kurosaki. "Thanks...". "You're welcome. Um, Kurosaki,". I began, placing my soda on the desk. "I, uh, I just want to apologise for what happened at lunch. There was so much that I would have rather said than what I said. I think you're amazing and that you deserve more attention and care. I think you're a wonderful person, really". "Oh, wow. Kizami...I...I don't know what to say. I guess you made today a little better for me". "I hope that it gets better". I brought out his gift, presenting it to him sheepishly. Kurosaki looked at the small box in amazement. "F-for me?" "Of course. Who else would I give it too?" "Aw, Kizami...I, uh...Well...". Kurosaki then put his soda down, pulling out one of the drawers of his desk. He pulled out a box of his own. Blue with a red ribbon while mine was green with an orange ribbon. He got one for me, too. "Kurosaki...". "I know that this is lame for you, this holiday, but I thought that you would like it if it was from me. Do you like it?" "Of course. Thank you. Uh, here. Take yours, too". "Oh, yeah". We exchanged gifts. I checked the small card attatched to the ribbon. "Happy Valentines day, Kizami. I wish you all the happiness for today and the next and the next. Kensuke". I was happy. Kurosaki read my message out too. "Happy Valentines, Kurosaki. I want you to know how grateful I am to have a boyfriend like you. I'm even more grateful to be your best friend. Yuuya. Aw, Kizami...". Kurosaki looked up at me with loving eyes. His message was just as sweet. I undid the ribbon next, opening the box to see a chocolate muffin inside, shreds of vanilla scattered on the top. Kurosaki opened his, finding the piece of chocolate cake that I bought for him, whipped cream decorating the top. "Woah. It looks amazing!". "I knew you would like it. I like mine, too. Thanks, Kurosaki". I came closer to him, kissing his cheek. He tried to kiss me too, only getting my chin. "Ha, you missed". I teased. "Try again". I stood still, allowing Kurosaki to properly kiss my lips. "That's better". I said, kissing him again. 

This was the best Valentine I could have so far, with Kurosaki. I used to greatly dislike the holiday for the sappy couples and people trying to win over their romantic interests over with chocolate. I still dislike it. But I have Kurosaki there to brighten it up. He makes it easier. This Valentines was a little better because of his kind and sweet presents, as well as the heart-warming message he left. That day we shared eachothers desserts, not giving a crap that it was Valentines anymore. We were just a couple who gave eachother a nice present on that day. Another obsticle that we passed, another day gone by. That's all it was. But maybe next Valentines we don't have to stick to the unwritten rule of getting a gift. We could be a normal couple and just get dinner at a family retaurant or another take-out place. Wherever. Just as long as I didn't have to deal with another Valentines recieving boxes of chocolates from girls that I don't even like. Kurosaki's gift was the only one with any meaning to me. Although we could only eat our presents, we could still treasure the memory of our first proper Valentines day, as a couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, I kind of put a metaphor in here. Kurosaki doesn't get enough love. He's adorable! Fanfiction writers, give Kurosaki more love! I am. I want to give him more love...with Kizami. Kizami thinks he's adorable in this workd that I have created. It's beautiful!


	25. Leaving His Mark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back for more. This chapter is basically about Kizami giving Kurosaki his first love bite. It's sort of random but it won't be near the end. Okay, I'm gonna go do that.

Kurosaki's POV

So far I was very inexperienced with dominating a kiss. Kizami would show an aggressive side and take over. I only took control once before and I wasn't very good at it. What wws even more embarrassing wqs that Kizami chuckled halfway because I was so bad. He did apologise but called me cute, making me blush harder. And I didn't do it since, until now. It was just us in his bedroom, playing video games on our laptops. I never knew how Kizami got his since he was saving money and Kizami isn't reckless with money, he's very careful. I didn't ask in case it came from his brother or sister. But it couldn't be. I doubted that Kizami would use anything from them. Anyway, the competition on our online game got a little heated. I was feeling deviant so I kept kissing Kizami on the face to distract him. Eventually we put our computers down and started making out. But I was dominating it since Kizami is a big bully. It was so mortifying when he pulled me into his lap. I had never sat on anyone lap since santa at the mall-and I was four years old then! Kizami hugged me by the waist, brushing the tip of his nose to mine. "Aren't you getting a little bit cocky recently?" "Maybe. I guess my motivation is seeing you blush. It's so cute". "Shut up you dork". I couldn't help but smile as I didn't know how else to react to that statement. Then I said someone that later made me want to crawl under a rock and stay there. "Y-you're really, uh, cute too, Kizami. Really cute". Upon realising the look of surprise on his face, I did the next best thing to crawling under a rock. I buried my face into Kizami's broad shoulder like an emu burying it's head in sand. "Go~d, what's wrong with me~~?" "...Pfft, pff...haha...hahahaha". Kizami just laughed it off. I raised my head a little. I had never heard Kizami laugh like that. When I raised my head more to look at him he was covering his mouth with his hand to try and stifle his laughter. Now that was cute! 

He panted, ceasing his rare moment of laughter. He looked like he just reached a reasilisation too as he covered his mouth again, blushing. It made me smile to see him like that. "Haha, now who's cute?" I cupped his cheek, kissing him softly. Seeing his embarrassment was enough motivation for me. I sheepishly ran my tongue across his lips, asking for entry. Kizami obliged as he parted his lips and met my tongue with his. But today he allowed me to pushing his tongue back into his mouth. My heart thumped against my chest like a primal drumb. My breathing quickened as my excitement grew. Kizami simply took it, honestly and not out of pity. He cupped my cheek too, brushing his thumb across the skin softly. I flicked his pink muscle, diving mine to the side of his cheek. "Mn...". Kizami moaned quietly, his deep voice sending shivers down my spine. This was amaziiiing! It was actually happening. I was doing it. I was dominating the kiss, as flustered as I was. Eventually pulling away, the familiar wire of saliva connected out mouths. Kizami smirked, wiping it from his chin when it broke. "That was...incredible". He muttered, kissing my cheek. "I-it was. I'm happy that I could do it". "I know. I am too". Kizami cupped my cheek once again but didn't move to kiss me. He just stared into my eyes with a gentle smile. His hand carelessly slid from my cheek to my chin and then gripping it as I was once again met in a kiss. I felt myself being lowered onto the floor, my reflexes causing me to wrap my arms around Kizami's strong neck. He didn't let go of me as we kissed and landed gently on the carpet. I didn't realise that Kizami had taken control again, I didn't care. It felt good either way. 

Kizami pulled away from my lips, panting softly. But he only pulled away slightly as he moved his kisses over to my cheek and jaw, down to my chin, and then to my throat. "Kizami, what...?" I couldn't finish my sentence so it wasn't surprising that Kizami didn't gife a response of any sort. He simply continued to invade my neck of soft kisses until he reached the side. I turned my head, giving him more access, as I didn't know what to do. I was a bit puzzled by his actions until..."Haah...!" I gasped, feeling Kizami's warm tongue circle a spot on my neck. I gripped his shirt from the surprise, squeezing my eyes shut. "K-Kizami, what...are you doing?" I managed to rush out a response to his action. He was beginning to act more confident. "Sorry...". I heard him say. I opened my eyes to see his expression above me. "Am I going to fast?" He was being considerate again, not wanting to jump ahead. But...this might have been okay. "No, I'm sorry. We can't keep hesitating. Even though it's good to take our time, it doesn't hurt to try new things when you feel ready to try them. You surprised me, but I think that I want you to continue. So go ahead". I sort of ramboed on there through my bashfullness and nervousness, but I meant it. Kizami gave a brief nod, kissing me on the lips for a second before moving back to my neck. I lay there comfortably, myarms wrapped around Kizami's neck securely. I kept my head to the side while he buried his lips into my neck. "Hn...mm...haa...". I moaned inaudibly, sighing as the sensation of Kizami's lips and tongue set in. I let out a few gasps when it surprised me, and I let out soft moans when it felt good. And then Kizami tried something new. "Hmm...Hn! W-woah, Kizami...wha-haah!" I gasped when I felt a sucking sensation pulling on my sensitive skin. "Ki-Kiza-ah!" I could barely speak from the sensation. Kizami then kissed lower from that spot and began sucking and nibbling on another spot. His hot breath tickled and sent a sort of tingling sensation through my body, giving me goosebumps. It was...sensitive?

Kizami raised his head, panting and licking his lips. He then smiled and chuckled once gazing down to my neck. "Wh-what? What did you...?" I put my hand to the spot where Kizami sucked and nipped, immediatly retracting my hand and gasping. It felt really weird. A little sore and tingly. "Ki-Kizami! You...Did you give me a hickey?!" "Pfft...I-I'm sorry. Really. And I may have given you two". My eyes widened. I quickly sat up, Kizami moving to let me stand up. Looking in his standing mirror, I covered my mouth in shock. There were two red marks plastered onto the side of my neck, the top one bigger than the bottom. Those would end up bruising tomorrow. "Gah...". I didn't know what to say. I would have to go into school tomorrow with two love bites. People would stare and wonder who gave them to me. Why do high school students have to be so nosy and judgemental?! I covered my face with both hands in embarrassment. I then felt a pair of strong arms around me. "I'm sorry. Are you angry with me?" I uncovered my face, revealing my heated blush. "N-no, I'm not mad at you. Well...just a little, but I'm more embarrassed than anything. What am I gonna do?" To walk into school with such shameful markings was...was..."Sshh...". Kizami hugged me tightly in comfort, stroking my hair and kissing the back of my head. "If you'd like, after they clear up, you can mark me too. As much as you would like". "Really? Anywhere?" Kizami nodded, as I could see in the mirror. "Anywhere you like. Besides, I would proudly show at least one. People won't know who gave them to me, but it would be proof that I have someone. You, Kurosaki". He kissed the top of my head, holding one of my hands and locking fingers. There was no way I could stay mad at him. Until tomorrow, at least. Kizami nipped at my ear. I jolted slightly, but smiled about how cheeky he was being. "S-stop. I don't want anymore marks, okay? Give it a rest". "Fine. I'll restrain myself". Hopefully he could. I would have to wear a scarf tomorrow, or something. It was still spring so I had an excuse to do so. But in class? I was in trouble... 

During dinner that night, I had already gone home while Kizami was working. He let me borrow his scarf to cover up my new bruises and kissed my forehead as an apology. At the dinner table, I ignored my father's glances towards me and my mother's staring. I had to quickly change my clothes before either of my parents got home so I...put on that ugly turtle neck sweater that my mother bought for me as a joke. I said that I would never wear it but this was an emergency. Damn it, Kizami..."Uh, honey, it isn't that cold in here. Besides, you said that you would never wear that". "I-I know but it's really comfortable and...useful". In fact, it was actually itchy and not useful at all. "Well, if you say so. Now finish your meal. The bath should be ready soon so you can go right ahead". "Are you sure? Thanks, mom". Phew, I was out of the woods for now. I wouldn't want my parents to see those marks left by my boyfriend. As if I could just blurt that out! I finished my dinner and quickly washed up my plates before rushing upstairs. I was suffocating in the sweater and was close to ripping it off. Once I reached the bathroom, I quickly stripped away the sweater with a gasp, tossing it to the floor. Shirtless, I looked in the mirror at the sink. Turning my head I saw that the bruises had already darkened in colour. I touched one, quickly retracting my hand as it tingled. How was he going to compensate me for it? He would have to have all sorts of marks all over is body below the head and a-above the...waist. He was so going to pay in bruises! As much as I ranted in my head, I couldn't seem to get mad at Kizami. He's never really done anything like this to embarrass me in public before so I can't be mad at him for this. He would feel the same, I'm sure. I shook it out of my head. I had to forget about it for now. I would just have to deal with it tomorrow.

On my bed, I lay on my stomach, using the internet to put my mind at ease. So far it wasn't working. Kizami called me halfway into my research. "Hi, Kizami". I said after checking the caller ID. ["Hi, Kurosaki. How are you? Still sore?"] "Bully. Yes, I am. My parents were looking at me weirdly because I had to wear that ugly turtle neck at dinner". ["I'm really sorry, Kurosaki. I will make it up to you. I just couldn't resist. You were so cute"]. I blushed crimson, luckliy he couldn't see that. "W-well, I hope you are sorry. I looked it up and it says that love bites last up to twelve days!" ["Really? Maybe but I guess that depends"]. "How so?" I asked, rolling onto my back. ["I'm no expert but I suppose it depends how many there are and how hard I sucked on the skin"]. My face grew red hot at that statement. Think before say something that embarrassing Kizamiiii. ["Anyway, I didn't do it that hard so you should be fine in a few days"]. Conteeext. "Well, if you say so". ["And I really am sorry. I didn't mean to make things awkward for you"]. Was it stupid of me to not be mad? "It's okay. As long as you're sorry and as long as I can get you back". ["You will. I'll allow it"]. I giggled, looking forward to that part when I could get revenge. "You'll regret saying that. I'm gonna be really mean". ["How mean?"] "Super mean". ["Wow, I'm really scared"]. He said sarcastically. "You will be. Just wait". I heard him chuckle over the line. This was what it was like, I guess. Being in a relationship when you're a teenager. It's good to be with someone fun and I think I achieved bringing out the fun in Kizami. After all, we do have lots of fun together. 

["I'll, uh, pick you up tomorrow, okay?"] "Sure thing. Thanks again for the scarf, I'll be sure to wear it tomorrow" ["I look forward to it. Have a good night"]. "You too". I ended the call, closing my cellphone. For a moment I lay there, lingering in thought. I suppose I was just getting used to doing these things with a man without ever having any experience with a woman. That would probably bite me in the ass when I'm an adult and all my fully straight friends ask me about my first time having sex. Then they're not really my friends, are they? Well, Katayama and Ohkawa are straight. They're open minded and I doubt they would oppose the relationship, though. Fukuroi likes Mitsuki and girls with big boobs. Heh...Jokes aside, I wish him luck with Mitsuki. Shimada is definitely straight and would probably hate us both for it. But why should we care what he thinks? It's already been established that Urabe disagrees with our relationship and would do anything to rip us apart from eachother. Mitsuki would be fine with it, I'm sure. She would just slap me on the back and say congratulations. And Kirisaki...I would hate to see her reaction to such news. She really likes Kizami but I can't see her as a homophobic. She's not like that, but I thought that Urabe wasn't like that either. It must be difficult for people who prefere other people of the same sex. I mean, I'm not gay-We've established that. Kizami is special, however. Would anyone believe that and accept it? Would our friends still be our friends because of that reason? 

The next morning, I met Kizami outside of my house. I flipped the end of the scarf over my shoulder, the rest used to hide my bruises. Kizami smiled upon seeing me. "It looks good on you". He said, obviously teasing me. "Shush. You left me no choice. Now let's get going or we're going to be late". "It looks big on you". "That's just because you've never looked in the mirror when wearing a scarf. This is a big scarf, nice and toasty". I held the scarf close to my nose, inhaling into the soft wool. I had almost forgotten that it was Kizami's scarf. It smelled pleasant and felt warm near my nose. I guess I recognised Kizami's personal scent, like a dog would, because I've been so close to him so many times now. We've kissed and snuggled and shared a bed a few times. I would wake up and smell his favorite shampoo on my pillow. And I would help myself to a quick sniff due to temptation becoming a force of habit. "Something wrong?" Kizami asked. "N-no! Not at-Nothing at all". I stammered, turning my head away from Kizami's gaze. I could hear him chuckle. "So, how do the marks look?" "They look obvious". "I'm sure they do. I bit near your pulse, after all. It should fade in a few days so just cope with it, alright? I take full 98% responsibility". "Why only 98%?" "Because you enticed me. That makes you responsible for at least 2%". He muttered, causing my face to heat up. "Kizami, you really...". "I did it again, huh?" "You did it again". He said something embarrassing again. I was going to get him back and make him blush really hard! Even if it meant that I would end up causing myself some discomfort-it would be worth it. Kizami has been embarrassed before, like when we first starting dating. It was really awkward for us both but now it seemed like Kizami was growing out of that and letting me take my time while he had to stop and wait for me. I didn't know how to feel about that thought. Kizami is mature but is he really mature enough to get over stuff like this? To get past something so weird quicker than me? I guess I would have to start learning and catching up. Starting now. Looking around, the street was empty. So I swiftly took Kizami's hand in mine. "Acting bold again, are we?" "Yeah, so? You like it when I act bold, don't you?" "Absolutely. I think you should do it more often, even if you surprise me a few times". "I will. I'll surprise you one day and make you blush like crazy". "I can't wait". Neither could I. 

I had club that day, baseball practice. Being outside during the spring gave me an excuse to wear the scarf since people were looking at me weirdly in class today. My friends even asked about it and I said that I was cold. It was a lame excuse but it got everyone to shrug it off and leave the subject alone. But it was quite awkward in the changing rooms. I waited around in the bathroom stall, getting changed inside that small space and hitting an elbow or my butt against the walls several times. I had to spend the whole of club wearing a scarf and getting funny looks. I volenteered to clean up at the end of the day so that the locker rooms would be empty by the time I got back. I unravelled the scarf, looking into one of the mirrors. And it was still there, of course. But the colour had darkened again. I sat down at one of the benches, exhausted. How long would this go on for? Just then I heard the locker room door opening. I quickly reached for my scarf to hide my hickeys, until..."Hey. I'm glad that you're still here". It was Kizami. He was still in his uniform so I guessed that he didn't go home yet. In his hand was a shopping bag, the logo for a local pharmacy printed on either side. "I'm glad that you didn't leave yet. I have a present for you". "I like presents". I said, trying to lighten my mood. Kizami sat down beside me and searched through the bag. He took out several items and showed them to me. For a moment, I was stunned. "Y-you...I, uh...You bought make-up?" "Yes. Yes I did". 

Kizami held several make-up items that included foundation, a brush and some sort of concealer. It wasn't what I thought it was for, right? "I did a little research and I found that make-up can be good for hiding hickeys. It may not get rid of them but it can definitely hide them. I even took notes so you can do it yourself when it washed off". "Kizami...". I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to feel about that. Was this kind of him or silly? I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Here. I'll get it for you. Turn your head for me, please". I did as he asked, also having my shirt unbuttoned slightly. "Is that neccessary?" "It is if you don't want make-up on your uniform". "Right...". I tensed slightly at the cool sensation of a soft pad dabbing on my sensitive marks. "Since your marks are red, you have to use green on them, apparently. It should fade in and hide it quite well". "Wow, you really have researched this, huh?" "Hm, crazy, right?" "That isn't even the crazy part. Did you seriously walk into a pharmacy and buy make-up?" I nearly laughed mid-sentence because of how strange it sounded. "They must have been looking at you strangely". "The clerk did. Since I didn't say a word about it, he just stared at me. It was quite amusing, actually". "I can't believe you did that...". "Well, it was for you. I hated seeing you so embarrassed. It was cute at first but that's just because I didn't understand. And I feel bad for it. So, for the millionth time, I'm really sorry, Kurosaki". Kizami kissed my cheek. He did sound like he felt really bad. "Don't worry. I already forgave you, but I'm still getting you back". "Okay. I'm fine with that". Kizami put away the make-up. "Okay, you're done. Have a look". I stood and looked into the mirror that I looked into before, seeing that my bruises had gone behind a layer of powder and colouring. "Wow. Good job. It's like they were never there. Thanks". "No problem". Kizami stood up, wrapping his arms around me from behind. "See, you look beautiful, Kurosaki". "So embarrassing, but you're right". "Haha...". He chuckled, kissing the top of my head. 

Kizami held me securely in his arms, tracing kisses down the nape of my neck. It tickled. "Hm-hm, hey, cut it out. If you give me anymore hickey's...". "I won't. Promise". "Well, okay. But I'm making no such promises for you". I grabbed Kizami's wrist and pulled him in towards the wall. He instictively turned so his back would hit the wall. The look on his face was priceless. I would take a photo if I could. I kept both hands secured at his shoulders to keep him there, even though he didn't resist. I think he was too surprised to do anything. "Just stay put, Kizami. I can finally catch up to you". Kizami's expression softened in acceptance. "Go right ahead. I don't mind". "Gh...!" This wasn't what I had in mind. I wanted him to blush and get really flustered. Oh well. This was good enough. I leaned up, due to our five centimeter height difference, and kissed his lips. Kizami then seemed to lower himself down to the floor as we kissed. I followed, gently landing on my knees while Kizami gently landed on his backside. I was kneeling so were about the same height now. I pulled away for a second to collect my bearings and get comfortable. Once I did I tilted my head and joined Kizami in another kiss. He wrapped his arms around my waist to pull me in. I cupped his cheek for a moment, sliding my fingers down his jaw to then grasp his chin as our kiss deepened. I pushed my tongue past his lips and settled into the warmth of Kizami's mouth. His tongue flicked against mine, asking me to play with it. And I obliged. I didn't hold back. I slid my hand down his strong neck to his shoulder. Kizami kept his uniform quite loose so it was easy to shift it and reveal his bare shoulder. My fingers lingered around the muscle. I pulled away from the kiss to do what I was waiting for this whole time. Kizami said nothing in protest...at first. I kissed down his neck, feeling him tremble slightly at the new sensation. I began licking a spot just between Kizami's neck and shouoder, as if preparing it like he did with me. His skin was smooth and warm, the scent of his soft hair lingering at my nose for me to enjoy. I nipped at the skin for a second with my teeth. "Mn...!" Which surprised Kizami. The noise he made was so cute. I nipped at that spot again, only this time I moulded my lips to the skin and started sucking. "K-Kurosaki...w-wait...stop". Aha! Now that was what I wanted to hear. I licked over the skin again, thoroughly, hearing Kizami trying to cover up a moan. "Mmph...! Mn, Haa...haa...". This time, without giving him a lot of time to relax, I bit down. "Yaah...!" Kizami cried, gripping my shirt tightly. "N-no, that's enough. Please...". He sounded so adorable! I could just eat him up! I licked over his new mark as if to apologise. Kizami whined due to the sensitivity. Heh. Heh. Heh. (Evil laugh sound). I raised my head to see that his cheeks were bright red, the back of his hand being used to cover his lips, which were probably trembling. "Okay, you win. You got me back-I learned my lesson". "I'm glad. You okay?" He nodded, forcing a smile. 

I kissed his lips softly then. This was worth the wait. Now I could put make-up on him. Of course I wouldn't bully the big show-off to present his new hickey in public. That would be too cruel. Just then I heard an obnoxious noise outside, like papers scattering. It surprised me so much that I immediatly broke our kiss. ("Oh, damn it!") I heard a voice whisper outside. Did...Did someone see us?! Kizami and I got to our feet and approuched the door to see who it was. The voices continued as we approuched. ("Damn it! Hurry, hurry. They're going to find us and-"). I opened the door slowly and my eyes widened. Papers were scattered all over the floor. And the people who were on their knees to pick them up were..."M-Mitsuki?! Fukuroi?!" Once they both saw us, they looked directly at us with blushes fading onto their faces. No...Not again. Not this again...My heart sank as my past crush stared at me awkwardly, blushing. "H-hey, guys...". She said shyly. "Um, were we interupting you?" "...". We all remained quiet at that moment, just staring eachother. Anyone who would be watching this at a different angle might find this situation to be quite humourous. But, for us, this was no laughing matter. They both saw us, Kizami and I, what we did with eachother there. How would they react? What would they think. I had many thoughts about when they found out, if we told them or otherwise, like now. But now that it had actually happened, I was scared. It was the same fear that I felt when Urabe found out and she hated it. What about these two? They're good people and I would trust them with my lives as good friends, but...What do they think? How would they look at us when we had to tell the truth? I didn't want to know, but I had little choice but to face them, my two close friends. In that moment I thought that the awkwardness would never pass as fear filled my thoughts once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Duh, duh, duuuuuuhn! D:


	26. We're Not Alone Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter begins! I'm so happy that so many of you are reading this and enjoying in. It means a lot to hear your kind words that I really don't deserve. I know that some of you read my other fanfictions like my one-shots and the comments you leave in those count, so thank you for your words. Things get serious in the next few chapters. You'll see what happens because I have a few things in mind. Here we go.

Kizami's POV

Silence. God knows for how long, but I knew that it had been silent for a long time. Yamamoto and Fukuroi found out about the relationship between me and Kurosaki, by accident. I held my hand over the hickey that Kurosaki left on my shoulder earlier that day. Luckily it wasn't visible under my clothing, but it didn't change how awkward this was. All four of us went to a family restaraunt to talk, also since none of us had eaten dinner and it was quite late already. After ordering, no one said a word since. We all kind of sat there awkwardly. At least they didn't react as badly as Urabe did. They looked embarrassed to see us act so intimite so secretly but they weren't disgusted by it. I guess they didn't know how to handle the situation. Kurosaki and I were an unlikely pair, not to mention that we're both men. For close friends to find out that we're dating, it would obviously be a shock for them. I didn't even though how they would react. Kurosaki seemed to trust them but I...I had my doubts. That's why I was so anxious. Even though they treated Kurosaki like a friend for years, I didn't want Kurosaki to get hurt again. I didn't want to see that look on his face again. So I decided to speak up and clear the air of awkwardness. 

I sighed, opening my mouth and then closing it when the waitress arrived with our meals. She set each down in front of each of us, with our thanks following. Yamamoto dug into her cheese pizza as if trying to escape conversation by stuffing her mouth. "Okay...". I began, feeling tense. "I-I know this is a shock for you both and you're probably very confused as to why Kurosaki and I were very intimate earlier". "Well, yes, we are. I-it was...a big surprise. Um, I don't know what else to say". Fukuroi pushed up his glasses at that, red stained on his cheeks, his eyes averted from us. "Ure yuu guthzs 'ating?" Yamamoto asked,,her mouth full. Don't talk with your mouth full. Fukuroi and Kurosaki were startled by her sudden and straightforward question, their cheeks bright red. "M-Mitsuki...?!" They both said it simultaniously, both surprised. Mitsuki gulped, wiping her lips with a napkin. "What? I just built up the courage and I asked. So, are you?" Kurosaki lowered his head, gripping the fabric of his pants nervously. "Would...Would you be against it if we were?" His voice was small and trembled but we all understood what he said. I wanted to comfort Kurosaki then. I wanted to hug him like when Urabe said that she was against it. I didn't want to see him so unhappy. Yamamoto and Fukuroi stared at eachother for a moment, looking both serious and concerned. They then looked back at us with smiles on their faces. "Of course not". Yamamoto finally said. Kurosaki raised his head at that, stunned. "R-really...?" "Yeah, you're our friends and we want to support you". "Mitsuki's right. Of course we were surprised, anyone would be. But we have no right to judge you based on your relationship". "You guys...". That was a relief. They actually understood and were not judgemental aboit our relationship. 

The conversation kind of took off from there. They asked a lot of questions about us and how this was going to work. For example, Fukuroi asked how long we were dating and Yamamoto asked how far we've gone, making Kurosaki blush harder than me. It got a little easier to talk about these things as the night went on. They really had no problems with it. I guess this is what it's like to have true friends. Aside from Kurosaki, of course. They were understanding and even curious about our relationship. Maybe I was wrong about them all these years of knowing them. Maybe I misjudged them. "I'm so glad you two understand. Kizami and I have kind of been alone through all of this". That was correct. No one knew about it except from Urabe and she didn't support us at all. She was spiteful and far too honest about her thoughts. "Is that so?" Yamamoto said in addition, taking a sip of her drink. "Do your parents not know?" Kurosaki shook his head in response. "I see. Isn't there youth groups that you can attend?" "Youth groups?" "Yeah, I heard that they hold meetings and discuss these kinds of things, about...you know...". I heard there were such groups. People around our age whoget together and talk about their lives and their problems because of their sexuality. Would that help us? "I actually know a girl from another school who goes there. She secretly likes girls but had no one to talk to about it. I knew her for quite a while because we took the same train every morning, she's also my neighbour. Anyway, she confided in me and only me because her other friends always talk about boys and sex with boys. It was really hard on her". "I didn't know about that". "That's because you're a boy, Fukuroi. You wouldn't understand, no matter how much of a nice guy you are". "So, anyway,". Kurosaki began to get right to the point. "How did it go for her?" "The last time I spoke to her she looked happier than ever. She made a lot of new friends, including a girl who goes to the same school as her". "Wow, it's really that good?" "I wouldn't know, but it sounds like a good way to get to know people who are in the same situation as you two. It might be worth checking out". Would we really do this? Although it might break our confidence barrier, I felt a little uncomfortable with the idea. Kurosaki and I were neither homosexual nor bisexual. He was straight, with an exception, and I was asexual, with an exception. I'm not against it, I'm just uncomfortable with the idea of talking with those people. I wouldn't exactly fit it. Then again, when have I ever truely fit in? "Kizami, it's worth a shot. If we were around more people in our situation then it could really help with our confidence. We won't have to feel alone anymore". Even if I had my thoughts, Kurosaki had his as well. He felt that joining a group would help us get passed our anxiety and worry. Kurosaki's judgement overpowered mine, I guess. To him, the cup is always half full, that every cloud has a silver lining. And I admire that in him. 

After leaving the restaraunt and saying our goodbyes to Yamamoto and Fukuroi, Myself and Kurosaki went our own way. He invited me over to his house for a short while. I didn't mind. Going home so soon would mean that my parents would still be awake. For me, going home while it's late is for the best. I hate going home during the early hours of the evening. Arriving at home during nine or ten at night means that I don't have to awkwardly walk past them in the hallway or have to wait outside the bathroom for either of them to finish. I sat on Kurosaki's bed, staring at his laptop as he scanned through different internet searches. It caught my interest. "What are you looking for?" "Any youth groups that discuss heir sexuality and such. I've found several in cities next to us bit nothing in our area". "Where is the closest?" "There's one outside of town, but we would have to take two trains to get there. They host meetings every week on a Saturday afternoon, 17.30 - 19.30. So it lasts for two hours. There is a youth centre there, room 6. This website even mentions what they talk about, what they do. There's a lot of interesting stuff. We could really go". Kurosaki's anticipation was too cute. Kurosaki was straight, he liked girls his age and surely even looked at those "special" magazines that men his age usually have. But this showed how important our relationship was to him. It showed how much he cared. With that in mind, I crawled towards him, placing a kiss on the back of his head and wrapping my arms around his slim waist. "Kizami? What's this for?" "I just...want you to know how wonderful and strong I think you are. You're a strong person, Kurosaki. A lot stronger than me at times. And I really like that about you". "O-oh, um...Thanks, I guess. Well, you're really strong too, Kizami. We look out for eachother as friends, and as lovers. That's what we're supposed to do, right?" I really liked Kurosaki. I never imagined that I would like him this much. Being so close to him and hearing his kind words made my chest ache. I buried my lips and nose into his upright hair, inhaling and recieving a lovely whiff of his shampoo and natural scent. It was becoming quite addictive. Silly, isn't it? How the smallest things about him make my heart jump. 

Cheekily, I slipped my hands under his shirt. Kurosaki jumped a little in surprise, the cool sensation of my fingers invading his vulnerable sides. I started tickling him while placing kisses on varies spots of his head. "W-woah, ha, h-hey...c-cut it o-out! Ah, haha, haa, haha!" Kurosaki giggled and gasped, curling up as he struggled to hold down his voice. "Co-come on~. Cut it out~. Wa-hahaha! I-I'm gonna pee! Pl-please! I'm re-really ticklish!" We eventually lowered down to our sides as Kurosaki tried to resist. I tickled and poked at his most sensitive spots, along his sides and his belly. He even tried covering his mouth, his face stained pure red from the excitement. He was so cute. I did eventually stop, allowing a worn out Kurosaki to rest. "Haah, haa, haa...You big bully". I chuckled into his ear, giving his temple a kiss. Upon doing so I felt that his whole face was hot. "I'm sorry. I couldn't resist". "Gah, you're really good at that. But now I have to visit the bathroom, really badly". "Oops, sorry. Go right ahead". "Meanie. I'll be right back". Kurosaki sat up, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving for the bathroom. I lay back on his bed, my hands resting behind my head like an extra pillow. Just as quickly as I lay down, I turned on my side to get comfortable, dropping my arm down the side. When I did, something pricked my finger. Not painfully and not too sharp to draw blood. It felt more like a corner of something. 

Curious, I took a hold of whatever it was and pulled it out from under the mattress. I turned on my back once more and held it up to look at it. My eyes widened. It was one of his "special" magazines. On the front cover was a group of women in bathing suits, smiling and pretending to enjoy being photographed and plastered on a magazine for all perverts and teenage men to see. Kurosaki still had stuff like this? I flicked through it to see some interesting pictures. There were a lot of girls with cat ears and tails, also wearing nearly nothing. And the weirdest part was that some of the pages were stuck together. I understood why, but I could never relate to this. These magazines were just filthy. "Okay, I'm back and-wah!" Kurosaki suddenly entered the room, shocked to see me looking through one of his magazines. How far was I going to tease him? "First you nearly tickle me to death and now you look through my old porno? Kizami~". "Sorry. I just came across it. Why are some of the pages stuck together?' Kurosaki's face turned red again. "G-gimme that!" Kurosaki pounced onto the bed, swiping the magazine from my hands and nearly giving me a paper cut. "Listen, I don't look at these anymore. I was gonna get rid of it during the next spring cleaning, but I ended up forgetting about it. A-anyway, you shouldn't be snooping around someone else's room without permission. It's rude, even if I am your boyfriend". "I know. I got a little curious". "Just for that, I'll have to come up with a punishment. First you tickle me, then you embarrass me about my porno collection". Collection? "I'll think of something good to get you back". An eye for an eye as they say. Last time, I gave Kurosaki two hickeys and he gave me one back. What wouod it be this time? "Anyway, putting that aside, I think we should definitely go to this meeting on Saturday. What do you say?" I thought about it since we walked back to Kurosaki's place. And he was right. It should help to know that we're not the only ones. Other people of a certain sexuality go through the same problems and it would be nice to share our thoughts and opinions. "Okay. We should go. If it's not for us, however, we can drop out". "We shouldn't have to drop, though. Kizami, I believe that we can be a part of something there. We might even make a few friends". I felt that the way Kurosaki saw this idea was of more importance than how I felt. I didn't hate the idea, I just couldn't help but feel a bit awkward about socializing with people like that. I have no problem with them, of course. I guess I was just shy. "Okay...We'll go". 

That Saturday, Kurosaki and I took the two trains out of town and headed to the right place at the right time. We were both a bit anxious but we might as well be mature about it. The youth centre was a fairly big building. The main reception on the inside was comfortable and welcoming. There were quite a few people, students, wandering the halls and speaking at reception. Bulleton boards and posters covered the wall at the far end, speaking of events going on at the centre, clubs, activities, numbers for childlines and common advice about knife crime, bullying and child abuse. It was what you would expect to see at a place speciffically meant for people our age and younger. Kurosaki talked with the chairmen of our group via e-mail. It was a type of social network on the website. We came across a lot of people talking about there problems and their worries about their sexuality, then there were people talking about normal things like days out and what they were going to do during the group sessions. They were obviously already a part of it. Anyway, Kurosaki asked if we could join and the chairmen said that anyone was allowed to join if they stopped by. We recieved a name of the chairmen and the room number. We could just walk in when the time was right. When we did, the room already had quite a few people. The room was filled with comfortable chairs in a circle, huddled together comfortably. There was a coffee table in the center, a kitchen worktop in the corner of the room with a mini fridge and a few appliances for making tea and coffee. To describe the whole decor, I would call it casual and relaxing. Despite that, I still felt quite tense. "Ah, you must be our new members". A girl around our age or slightly younger spotted us, getting up from her beanbag chair to greet us. She had a warm aura around her and looked quite normal. I would even say that she was quite pretty, but elegant. "It's very nice to meet you both. My name is Yuko Minami, the chairmen of our little group". This girl did mention her name in her e-mail. She bowed politely, our own bows and introductions following. "Come on in, take a seat. We were just about to begin". She turned to the grouo, leading us over to one of the couches. "Okay, everyone. These are our new members, Kensuke Kurosaki and Yuuya Kizami". Everyone said their hello's and nice to meet you's. It was a cheerful and chirpy group that they had. Kurosaki would definitely fit in right away. We, Kurosaki and I, sat on the available couch and tried our best to relax among this new atmosphere. It wasn't easy at first. 

"Okay...!" Minami-chan clapped her hands together, as a way of gaining everyones full attention. "Let's begin. Who would like to start the discussion?" "Oh, I would". A man around our age raised his hand for a moment, his voice deep and his shoulders broad. "Go ahead, Moto-kun". "How about we talk about when we found out about our...interests?" They seemed to get into it quite easily and begin with no hesitation or doubt about whatever is on their minds. Perhaps being in this group does help people gain confidence about themselves. "Ooh, that's a good one. Okay,". Minami-chan began, thinking about it for a moment. "I'd say that I found out when I was thirteen. I knew this girl from next door for quite some time and you could even say that we were best friends. We went to different schools but we always hung out afterwards or on the weekend. Then her family decided to move away because of work, and I realized that I liked her more than as a friend. Because she was leaving so suddenly I wanted to keep her forever". The atmosphere then turned seriously quickly as everyone listened intently. But Minami-chan put on a smile. "So, for her going away present, I gave her a kiss on the lips. She blushed so hard-it was priceless". A few laughs could be heard in the room. "And that was that. I haven't heard from her since, but ever since then I like girls more than boys. But I rarely got a date because a lot of girls that I knew were dull and straight". "I know how you feel". A blonde girl spoke up within the group, playing with her hair between her slender fingers. "I fell in love with my best friend too. But she has a boyfriend now and she doesn't know how I feel. I started to recognise these new feelings when I first met her. That was near the end of junior high. She was a new student and, as class rep', I had to look after her. She's a sweet girl but seeing her with her boyfriend crushes me. I'm really jealous and heartbroken because I can never tell her how I feel". Her voice became small then, as if she was going to cry. She didn't, however. 

A boy beside her, with a single earing in one ear, comforted her. "Uh, okay. Thank you for sharing that. How about our new members? When did you two realise your feelings?" All eyes were then on us. It was a little intimidating. I cleared my throat and decided to step in for once. "Well, Kurosaki and I were best friends, too-although we still are now. Um, we've been dating for several months now. I guess I realised my own feelings during our first year of high school. Although, they weren't feeling towards other men. They were feelings towards my best friend". I wasn't sure how long we had been in that room for. Maybe ten or fifteen minutes. But, somehow, I gelt comfortable enough to talk. To just...talk. "Honestly, I did try to dismiss my feelings and push them away because we were both men, but...I gave in soon enough and told him how I felt". "I was the same, sort of". Kurosaki added on to the discussion, looking slightly bashful. "When Kizami confessed to me, it brought on something inside my heart that I never thought of until then. I realised that I really liked my best friend, too. And I actually wanted to be with him. It sounded strange at the time but I never thought that I would like him this much. I really do". 

Kurosaki overlapped my hand with his and looked at me with kind eyes. I couldn't help but smile at him, losing all bashfullness and embarrassment. I kissed his temple. He didn't resist or react. He accepted it. "Awwww". That sound filled the room, making the shyness return to us. "You guys are so cute~". "They really are. Please get married now". A few laughs filled the room, including our own. From then on, we felt more comfortable and relaxed. Different stories and conversations passed around our circle, causing us to laugh or want to comfort the person having a moment of grief involving their troubles. We then moved on to the topic of our parents. "Ever since I was five,". One of the boys began. His name was Nagisa Shizuka. He was the only crossdressing boy in the room and stood out the most. I had never met a crossdresser before, but he wasn't a bad person. He was quite bouncy and cheery. "I liked girls clothes. Now, it kind of works for me because I have a girly name, I'm short and I look like a girl. Boys often mistake me for a girl and I find it quite amusing. Anyway, my parents always knew how I was and they both had different opinions". Shizuka-san wore a smile, despite probably bringing up past pain. "My mom encouraged it. She always wanted a girl and was surprised to find out how much I liked being a girl. I'm blonde, I have really short hair, big eyelashes and I liked skirts. She would often call me princess when my dad wasn't around. He, however, hated it. He hated the way I was and got really angry when I didn't wear my other clothes. It's why he left my mother, it's why he hit me, it's why I'm not confident about myself. The only reason he took custody of me was so he could brainwash me into acting more like a boy. And I hate him for it". 

Near the end of the meeting Minami-chan approuched us as everyone was picking up a tea or coffee to go while talking about varies things of their everyday life. They all seeked like good friends. "Uh, hey, guys. What did you think of your first session?" "Oh, it was actually really interseting. I really loved hearing about everones thoughts and opinions like that. It made me think a lot about myself and how I should feel about our relationship. So, thank you for having us, Minami-chan". I felt the same as Kurosaki, in my own way. Being here, a part of this group, I learned a lot. More than I expected. "I'm glad to hear that. Will you come along next Saturday. We're all planning to play some video games together and have fun. Wanna join?" Kurosaki looked to me for my approval. I knew that look. I just smiled and nodded. It could be fun. "Yeah, we'd love to come". He answered. "Great! We don't just sit around and talk, y'know. Every once in a while we plan days out. Go to the cinema, go get fast food, the arcade. Trust me, we have a lot of fun". "That sounds exciting. When's the next one?" "I was thinking in two weeks, so two sessions away. I hope you can come along and get toknow everyone better". "We'll be there". 

Leaving the centre, we walked down the street and headed for the train station. "That was awesome. We should definitely go back next time". "You're right, Kurosaki. For the first day, it was quite an experience". "And everyone is so nice. Going out for a day with all of them sounds like fun". It was good to see Kurosaki so enthusiastic about it. He was enthusiastic from the start, although a little anxious during the beginning of our first session. I had a feeling we would be having a lot more meetings with that group, maybe even make some friends. Despite how nervous we were at first, like at your first day at school, you grow out of it and meet new people like yourself. For so long I mever understood those feelings. I could never comprehend the feeling of friendship or compassion or empathy. Now that I'm past all that, I now know how lonely I truely was. How dark and cold it was. But maybe that would all come back eventually. If I ever lost Kurosaki, I would go back to my old self. And for the first time, I knew that I didn't want that. Was I co-dependent or was I still lonely? Maybe these sessions would change that. Maybe I could finally break out of such a broken and lost mindset and try to make something of my life with friends and Kurosaki as my new family. Kurosaki was my only family, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Favorite characters from Corpse party from best to fourth best.
> 
> 1\. Kizami (Of course, because, to me, he's the most cleverly created character in the game/manga. That will probably become a rant soon)  
> 2\. Kurosaki (Because he's so cute and I want to see more of him)  
> 3\. Mitsuki and Fukuroi (I like them both equally because they make a good team and don't panic and get seperated from eachother)  
> 4\. Yoshiki (because he's the best from from Kisiragi. We all know this)
> 
> I might include more Mitsuki and Fukuroi because they are just wonderful.


	27. I Can Be More Confident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right now I'm kind of in a state of mind were I feel like my life is moving by too quickly and I haven't really done much with it. I am entering the years where my adult life begins and when I can actually do something with myself rather than sitting in my room, writing fanfictions and watching anime. I love those things but I actually can't wait to go to college and enter the working world. Part of that made me come up with some elements in this chapter. This story is also about growing up and the difficulties of life, not just a homosexual relationship. It is Kizami and Kurosaki growing up together, after all. Life is fun and easy as a kid but then you face a lot of fear and self-doubt when you're older. Can I really get a job? Can I do well in my exams? Can I succeed in college? Can I leave behind the bestest friends that I've ever had? Who knows? God, that's depressing. I'm just gonna finish this chapter, okay?

Kurosaki's POV

It was after our first two sessions that we decided to go out somewhere on our third. Minami-chan organised a day for us to go to the bowling alley in the next town. Some couldn't make it becuase of their own personal events, but others, including me and Kizami, joined in. Kizami picked me up that afternoon, being invited into my house by my mother. I heard his footsteps stomp up the wooden stairway just outside my door. He knocked, being polite and considerate as he waited for my reply. I was shirtless but it didn't matter. We were both guys, no matter our relationship or how intimate we've been so far. Besides, we've seen eachother shirtless before. "Come in". I said, grabbing my t-shirt from the bed. Kizami came in and froze for only a moment. "You could have told me that you were getting dressed". He said, shutting the door behind him. "It's no big deal. We've seen eachother naked before, so there's no problem, right?" "Well, no. It's just...". Kizami paused, stepping in further as he eyed my torso. "You look...so mature like that. You've even gotten a little taller". "I have? Well, maybe by a few centimeters, but I'll never be as tall as you, Kizami". I laughed it off, not really thinking how serious Kizami was being. "I think you look great, Kurosaki". I pulled on my t-shirt, not knowing what would happen next. When the room was visible in front of me again, Kizami had approuched me, holding the back of my head with his fingers to help me look up and into his steel blue eyes. "U-uh, you look...really good too, by the way". I said it as though I was starting a whole other conversation, stunned and caught off guard. Kizami simply smirked, leaning in closer so that our noses touched by the tips. Kizami always dressed nice when he wasn't in uniform. He had good taste in clothes and accessories. But we're Japanese so that should be a given. I guess I ruined the moment, though. Or maybe not. Kizami pulled away slightly before he leaned in again, our lips so close I could feel the heat from them. And then-... 

"Boys, you're going to be late". My mom's voice came from outside. She opened the door without knocking. Luckily, Kizami and I backed away from eachother just as she did. She stood there and sighed. "Come on, you said you were meeting your friends at five, didn't you?" "Oh, yeah. I was just getting my wallet". "Okay, then. I hope you haven't lost it". "No way. I'm a big boy, I can be responsible for my own things". I took it from my desk, quickly looking through my money to see if I had enough to get into the bowling alley and enough for food. "Great, let's get going". I said as I stuffed my wallet into my back pocket of my jeans and slipping on my hoodie. We then headed out, walking to the train station. They were waiting at the station near the youth centre, where we usually went for our session. We learned a lot about everyone and got to know them better. Their likes, their dislikes, their hobbies, their crushes, their dreams. It was all so interesting to me. "Does your mom know about our group?" "No, not really. I told her that they were friends from school". "Seriously? Well, I guess I'm not surprised why you want to keep it a secret". "It won't be a secret for long". "What do you mean?" "I mean that...I want to tell my parents, about us". Kizami looked stunned by that, his jaw practically dropping. "Wait, really? What made you decide?" "Everything. Our group, my own feelings, my confidence, my parents. Kizami, I really trust them. I know that they'll understand and support me. Although I'm still scared, I also hate keeping it from them. I never lie to my parents. I only keep from them what's neccessary, like my old porn magazines. But I can't keep this-us-away from them". If I told them, my kind and thoughtful parents, then maybe they wouldn't mind. Maybe they would actually accept me for liking a guy, Kizami, my best friend. I hoped for that. It was now or never. "I see". Kizami gave his collected and understanding smile. Seeing it made my heart thump in my chest. "I'm not surprised that you would want to inform them of our relationship. They're good people and have acted more like parents than my biological parents. I'm jealous, but they are still your parents. I'm sure that they'll understand". "You think so too?" "Absolutely. But when you do tell them, take it slowly. You don't want to surprise them too much and leave them in an awkward position". "Right. I got it. Thank you, Kizami". "No problem. I hope it goes well...for the both of us". Kizami took my hand, squeezing the palm and fingers in his bigger one. His hands were quite big, gentle too. Just how far was I going to fall for him? I guess I couldn't exactly say that to his face. Not yet, anyway. 

Meeting up with everyone who could come along, we shared greetings and small talk as we waited for the next train. Minami-chan did a good job thinking everything through carefully. She was a smart girl, afterall. She planned out train times and how long we would be out for. We had to provide our own payment, but it wasn't a problem for any of us, and we had to play a fair and fun game at the bowling alley. It was just a fun day out to full around instead of talking about our problems and anxieties to eachother. "I remember when we all visited the baseball court one time". Minami-chan began the coversation, bringing up something that seemed nostalgic to them. "It was our second time to ever hang out outside of room 6. We all bonded about other things and became good friends". They were such a happy group outside of all the deep discussions and troubles. They didn't seem too sensitive about their everyday obsticles, aside from Nagisa-chan. He faced problems everyday because of his dad. A-also, I'd like to mention that Nagisa isn't transgender. He tood us this and said it wasn't like that. He doesn't want to be a girl, he's just a boy who feels more comfortable in girls clothing. I don't have a problem with it, not at all. I even found myself thinking how cute he acts sometimes. Kizami kind of stared at me when I said that for the first time. I just laughed and said that it didn't mean anything and that Kizami was the only man for me. I remember him ruffling my hair in response as if to call me an idiot,,in a humorous way. Kizami would never say that to insult me. Once the train arrived, the conversation ceased until we arrived. Only one or two people talked amongst themselves througjout the smooth train ride. Once we stopped, it was just a short walk into town and to the bowling alley. They also had a fast food area, an arcade and a prize booth for exchanging tickets for a random prize. I remember those from when I was a kid, when me and Kizami went to the amusement park. 

We all recieved our bowling shoes, picked an alley, got sodas for everyone and started a game. It was like any other day out with friends. Relaxing, fun, and a total riot at times. I never thought that I would make this many friends outside of school. Between games, we even exchanged numbers and gave eachother silly names on the contact lists. It would end up getting confusing but it was still funny. Being there, with people so different yet so alike was an experience. I guess this was part of growing up. Meeting new people, doing different things, discovering yourself. Heh, it sounds so cheesy and dorky but this was what being a teenager meant. "Finding yourself" and figuring out your identity, your calling, your future. Even if it meant a lot of change, a path was still a path. "Kurosaki, you're next". But I know, in my heart, some things can never change. "Kurosaki...?" Kizami's voice came through to me, deep and dreamy like it always was. "Oh, right. I guess I'm up". "Kensuke, are you alright?" Nagisa asked kindly. I smiled at him reasurringly. "I'm fine. Just a bit spacey. Thanks". I took my turn at the alley, with those distracting thoughts lingering in my mind. 

Later, while we took a break, I went to the vending machines for snacks. There was a lot on my mind today. A lot had happened and I was sure that a lot would follow. Was I already growing upand becoming a man? Thinking back, a lot did add up and make that conclusion. My new relationship with Kizami, our intimacy, looking into careers and my dreams, exams, making new friends, swallowing my anxiety in an attempt to come out to my parents, working part-time jobs, losing old friends like Urabe. So much had happened since I started high school. And all of it seemed so new that it felt like I was leaving the old memories behind. How does time pass by so quickly yet so much has happened? Geez, am I thinking about this too much? "Hey, so this is where you went". Kizami's voice came through from the enterance to the vending machine area, near the arcade. I looked to him right away but then looked back down to my box of strawberry pocky and cream soda. "Why are you buying snacks? We're just about to order dinner". "I know. I was just buying them for later, hehe". Kizami looked serious all of a sudden. He stood close to me, leaning his arm on the vending machine as if keeping me from escaping. "What's up? You've been spacing out all day". "I know. I guess I'm just tired from all the fun from today. That and there's been a lot on my mind". I could tell Kizami. We tell eachother everything, as lovers and as best friends. "Your parents?" He assumed. "It's...not just that, I think. It's a mix of things. You, me, our future". "Why are stressed about those things now?" "Huh...?" "We're only in our second year of high school, and we're nowhere near the end of it. So just relax for today and have fun". "Wow, I never thought I would hear you say that". "Well, I learned from you. This isn't like you. So just enjoy yourself. You and I can even share those pocky sticks later". I laughed, feeling a lot better and forgetting about my anxiety then. "Hehe, okay, okay. We can share". I held Kizami's hand as a thank you, he leaned in and gave me a quick kiss. I guess that I've been a positive influence on Kizami all this time. I had to set an example and have fun. I would never pretend to smile, like Kizami does in front of everyone else. I can smile even on a bad day. But I guess, because of me, Kizami learned to smile too.

We met up with everyone for dinner. They already got their orders of fast food and snacks, greeting us once we arrived. Kizami and I got our trays and sat down with everyone. Nagisa sat next to me, a man called Kenta-kun sat next to Kizami. He was the only boy to wear an earing in one ear so we could tell who he was. He was glancing at Kizami a few times with a confident smirk. "Uh, can I help you, Kenta-san?" "Oh, was I staring? Sorry, sweetie, but you look so cute but manly. I like it". "You do know that I already have a boyfriend who's sitting right in front of me". That would be me. "Whoops. I'm sorry, Kensuke-chan. But can I borrow Yuuya for a day, pretty please?" He asked, hugging Kizami's arm. "Sure, why not?" "Wha-Kurosaki?!" "I'm kidding. Kizami's mine". Saying somethingso bold made Kizami blush, even I blushed in regret. "Ooohh...". We heard several oooh's from the group, followed by laughter. I was happy that we could simply blurt out our relationship with these people. It was truely amazing. "Well, if you let me borrow Yuuya then you can have Nagisa. It looks like he might have a little crush on you, Kensuke~". "I-I do not!" Nagisa protested, flustered. "Come on, you've barely touched your food because you keep looking over next to you". Minami-chan added to the harmless teasing. "Well, I...I...". Nagisa didn't look at me, blushing. Did he seriously like me? Even Kizami chuckled at the incident. Seeing that at least made me a little happy about being embarrassed. After eating, we all returned to our game. Minami-chan won, just a point ahead of me. We then tried our hand at the arcade to collect worthless tickets that wouldn't add up to anything because the ticket cost for all the prizes was clearly out of our reach. The most we won was a teddy bear from the claw machine. I won it but gave it to Nagisa, as a friendship offering. He got all flustered when I gave it to him. He really was more like a girl than a boy. 

But through all the fun and games, we had to go home eventually. Especially me. I anxiety shortly returned, but was overwhelmed by the confidence I had in my parents. We all walked to the train station together, parting ways when certain trains arrived. Kizami and I took our own eventually, the dark night sky hiding away the afternoon sun after a long day of fun. We walked holding hands, and just talking. As promised, we shared the snack that I bought earlier. The delicious strawberry flavour covered my lips and tongueas I chewed into the crumbly stick. Even while we ate our snack, our hands never seperated. I kept the box in my hoodie pocket and took out a stick when I wanted it. I also fed Kizami a stick whenever he wanted one. All until we eventually reached my house. We stopped walking and, for a moment, stared at the lights coming from inside my living room. They were in there, unaware of what I was going to say to them. "Are you ready?" Kizami asked, looking at me for an answer. I nodded. "Yeah. I'm not exactly well prepared for any kind of response, but I am ready to tell them, if that makes sense". "It's fine. Do you want me there for support?" "Nah, it's fine. This is something that I have to tell them on my own, personally". "I understand". Kizami took both my hands in his and looked right into my eyes. "Just know that...whatever they say, I'll be here for you. Whatever they say, it won't change what we have. You'll still be my boyfriend and I'll still care about you, always". Kizami kissed my forehead, moving his sweet and kind kisses down my temple, cheek, jaw and to my lips. It was enough of a good luck charm for me. "Thank you...". I whispered, truely grateful for his kimd words. "You should go home, take a shower and get some sleep. Don't worry about me, just support me in your heart, okay?" "I can't help it if I worry so...sorry. Good luck. I believe they'll understand. Goodnight". "Night...". We kissed once more before I watched Kizami walk away down the street, his hands stuffed into his pockets. I took a deep breath and exhaled. Here goes nothing. 

I entered my house, hesitation in both my thoughts and my footsteps. "I-I'm home". "Ah, hello, sweetie. Did you have fun?" I didn't know whether to take my mom's voice as a comfort or as evidence of her unawareness. My parents were walking a straight and steady path heading towards and invisible cliff. In other words, they were in for a shock. I slipped off my shoes and entered the house, going straight to the living area. The ceiling lights were on and the T.V was blazing with some kind of soap opera on at this hour. They, my parents, took their eyes off the screen to greet me. "Hi, son. Wait, what's wrong?" My dad asked with a smile. "Yeah, honey, what's the matter? Didn't you have fun with your friends today?" "I-I did, um...C-can you turn the television off for a moment?" "Sure...". The T.V was turned off and I had their full attention. "Mom, Dad, there's, uh, something that I want to talk to you about". "Well, okay. Come sit with us. We'll listen". I slowly made my way to the couch that they sat at, parking my rear inbetween them both with my eyes to the ground. I wasn't able to look at either of them. Locking my hands together, as if in prayer, I began slowly and went steady with my words. "Mom, Dad, I...This is really hard for me to talk about to you guys but I just wanted to come out and say it before my conscience weighed down on me anymore". "What is it, honey? Have you done something wrong?" I shook my head. "I guess it depends how you look at it, but I'm not in any trouble or anything". "What is it, son? You can tell us". My parents were such kind people. But would they understand? Would they be okay with it? Would they still love me and treat me like they've always treated me? With love and respect and trust, just like I've treated them my whole life. I felt my hands begin to shake and lumps grow in my throat. I never thought that it would be this hard. "Sweetie...?" I hiccuped. "Hic...I...I'm in a relationship...w-with my best friend". "What...?" My dad asked, sounding puzzled. I sniffled, trying to hold back tears. "I'm in a...relationship with Kizami. I'm in a homosexual relationship with Kizami". I broke down then. The pressure of admitting it to my parents got to me, but I didn't exactly regret it. I said it. But the hardest part for me wasn't over. I wiped my eyes, sniffling and hiccuping. "Oh my god...". My mom covered her mouth with her hand, not able to give a real response right now. My dad was silent, his jaw dropped. I wasn't surprised that it would shock them, but it was so hard to bear. The silence, the shock, the lack of response.

My tears did die down a little. As they did, I waited. The silence didn't clear up at first. It scared me. What was going through their minds as they processed my confession? "What, um...". My dad spoke first, his tone wasn't exactly reassuring. "What happened, son? How did that happen? If...If you're joking then please say so now". My eyes widened as my father's words struck a cord. Why..."Why would I joke about that?" I raised my voice slightly, my confidence beginning to shatter. "It's true. I swear it on my life. Kizami and I are in a relationship. He's my boyfriend and...I really like him. I swear". "When did this happen?" My mom added, shocked. "It's been going on for nearly a year". "A year? You hid this for a year?" Bit by bit, my confidence collapsed. Could they not accept it after all? "Why didn't you say anything sooner?" "Neither of you would understand. I was really scared to come out to you both. I was terrified on how you would react". And right now all that fear and anxiety came crashing down on my like an avalanche. I couldn't stop or control it. It was suffocating. "Of course we wouldn't understand your feelings". My mom added. "Sweetie, my little boy. You must have been scared to tell us something like that, but you have and I'm actually glad that you trusted us". "Huh...?" "But, son,". Dad jumped in. "We thought that you liked girls. You used to talk about them all the time and-". "It's not like that. I'm not...gay or anything. Kizami is...Kizami's special. One day he confessed to me and I realised that I liked him too. And now I'm really falling for him and I...I-...". Tears welled up in my eyes again and I covered my mouth to hide my gasps and hiccuping. I sniffled more, feeling flustered for crying in front of my parents like a child who scraped his knee on the pavement. It was really pathetic and silly but I couldn't help it. A pair of arms wrapped around me and I was pulled into mom's direction. My head rested on her shoulder as I cried while she hushed me softly. "Sshh, ssh, it's okay, honey. Aw, don't cry. We love you no matter what-so don't get upset. If you really like Yuuya that much, and he likes you, then there's no problem. We would never dislike you for being happy in a relationship with another man. And you are happy, aren't you?" I nodded. "See? It's alright, Kensuke. My sweet little boy". "Your mother's right. It's your life, son. We as your parents don't get to tell you what to do with it. We're only here to advise you down a path that keeps you safe and happy. And as long as you are then all we can do is step back and watch from a distance". My dad spoke kindly, rubbing circles into my back. I calmed down, comforted by their kind words and support. 

I was so scared before but knowing that they care and that they would support me , that was enough to make me feel secure again. I made the right decision. Telling my parents about Kizami and myself, placing my trust in their support. It brought all doubt I had to an immediate stop and replaced it with the confidence that I thought I would lose. I loved my parents and they loved me enough to understand. A parents love should be unconditional, with the few exceptions of Kizami's parents. And it breaks my heart to know that he'll never be able to tell them about us. But that may be for the best. As long as my parents support us, there's no fear or lonliness anymore. That barrier had broken finally. And I was happy. 

That night, after a relaxing bath and a few tissues to wipe away the tears, I called Kizami up and told him that everything was okay with my parents. ["That's good. I'm so glad that they understood"]. He responded. "Me too. You were right and I was right to believe in them". ["So, what's next? Do we just get on with life and put all this behind us?"] "Yeah. Maybe we can go on a date tomorrow. Just you and me". ["Hm, that sounds wonderful. Where do you want to go?"] "How about the beach?" ["Again? How come?"] "For the chili dogs at the stands". Kizami chuckled over the line, making me laugh a little too. Then there was a moment of silence. I smiled and I could almost sense a smile on Kizami's lips too. I bit my bottom lip lightly. ["We should get some sleep"]. Kizami finally said. ["I'll see you tomorrow. Let me pick you up again, say twelve?"] I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "Sounds great. I'll see you tomorrow". We each hung up and I flipped my phone closed. Placing it on the bed-side table, I sighed. Tomorrow was another normal date. I stared up at my ceiling, feeling like a huge weight was pulled off my chest. I turned on my side, feeling sleepy. I even forgot to pull the covers over my body. But just as I had closed my eyes, I felt the warm sheets being pulled over me and a kiss on my temple. "Goodnight, sweetheart". My mom's sweet voice passed my ear, making me smile. Haah...Things were going to be fine with my parents, surely. I had no doubts anymore, just the feeling of security and comfort from them. Things would be a lot easier now. So much easier and a lot less painful. For now...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I upset myself...


	28. He's Always Been There, Then and Now

Kizami's POV

It had been nearly a year since Kurosaki and I started dating, as summer was vastly approuching again. It was March currently. The weather was getting hotter and cherry blossoms would soon bloom in early April, the beginning of summer. I stared out to the sky through my bedroom window, seeing how clear it had become. Once again the night sky would be bright and the summer festival would start again near the end, August. I guess Kurosaki was right. Time passes by in the blink of an eye when you least expect it. Our high schools years are short and our path to adulthood is a long stretch. There's so much to do in so little time. But why dwell on it? Humans live and then they die. That's how the world works woth every living creature. Humans, mammals, fish, plants, tree. It all eventually dies. But, just like a cherry blossom, life blossoms and grows. It produces many more blossoms, whithers in the harsh weather and then falls, whithers, dies. Being a human means a longer life depending on how kind the world is to some people. Although, in some cases, a life can end before it's even began. For several years, I wondered why that never happened to me. Looking at the age differance of me and my older siblings, it was clear that I wasn't exactly planned. My siblings were still young so taking care of another baby couldn't be easy or ideal. Yet mother kept me, raised me and then forgot bout me, abandoned me. All that effort until I was eight years old, all that hard work thrown away and wasted just so I could be shunned and disowned. For years I've wondered why she would keep me, raise me in her home, love me until I showed my true self. If she knew what I would become while pregnant with me...would she have gotten rid of me? Is it better to die in the womb and be loved, rather than live and be despised, neglected, forgotten? Heh, these thoughts stopped crossing my mind when I started dating Kurosaki. When I'm alone like this, without having him by my side, I think about these things and cause curiousity to spark. 

I lay on my bed with a book in my hands. Flipping through each page I found out a lot. I started collecting different books on psychology when I was in junior high school. Many of them told me that a person like me is 'sick' or 'non-human'. I recieved that conclusion when I read an article about what it means to be human. Basic human emotions. Love, happiness, empathy, sympathy. I never felt these before. I never understood them. And for the longest time I believed that I was 'sick'. Do I feel these things, really? Or do I just wish to feel them? Being with Kurosaki makes me believe that I feel, butmI have doubts. It may still take time for me to comprehend but I believe that I am capable, that I'm not 'sick'. No matter how my parents feel. No matter my doubts. No matter what happened in the past. I even looked at a few things involving child psychology. Apparently when you're an infant, responsibility can come down to the parents. Depending how you're trwated during infancy can greatly affect your personality in the future. So how did my parents treat me when I was younger? Was it their fault or is it really just...me? I wouldn't know. I've never seen any pictures from when I was a baby. I don't think I have any. 

I could here the front enterance opening downstairs, momentaraly catching my attention. It was most likely Kurosaki who had come to pick me up for our date. It was a Friday afternoon so we organised to go somewhere. I lay on my ned still, closing the book between my fingers and setting it down next to me. There was a knock at my door then. "Come in, unless it's you, Haruna". "Yuuya...!" It was her. "Kurosaki is here to see you so I'm coming in anyway". I sat up with a groan. I was happy to see Kurosaki but my sister was such a pain. Why did she have to come visit? Didn't she have a life of her own by now? Haruna was twenty-five now. She had a job, a house and a boyfriend. I never met the guy but, frankly, I don't want to. Haah...Some things in my personality will never change. Kurosaki walked in, giving me a small and awkward wave. "Hi, Kurosaki. Haruna can you leave and mind your own business?" "What's the magic word?" "...Now". "Ugh, how charming of my little brother. You still act like a kid". Haruna left us and also left a bad taste in my mouth. How dare she still compare me to a child. "Kurosaki, come here". I held out my arms to Kurosaki. He giggled, rolling his eyes. "What's the magic word?" "Please...". My face became hot. "Okay. Are you cold?" I didn't respond. Kurosaki simply crawled up to me on my bed and into my arms. I hugged him, burying my nose into his hair as it usually stuck up. And he doesn't even need gel or anything. It, somehow, just sticks up on its own. I squeezed his body tightly, kissing his head. "Hm-hm...Kizami, you're being really cute right now". "Shut up, it's embarrassing". "Hey, is that any way to talk to your boyfriend?" "No, sorry". "What's wrong? You're not being yourself". Myself? What...is being myself anymore? I pulled away from the hug, feeling down all of a sudden. "Kizami...?" Kurosaki cupped my cheek, making me look at him. "Seriously, what's wrong?" "It's nothing. I'm just tired. I went to the gym this morning and I...guess I over-worked myself". "That's not good. We don't have to go on our date then. I can leave you to rest if you want". "No...". I took Kurosaki's hand as if attempting to stop him before he even made an attempt to leave. "No, stay. Please stay". I didn't know what was wrong with me. Was I acting mysepf or was I someone completely different? Looking at my past and the way I was, which one was true. Was I someone different then or was I acting different now? Was I the same as I've always been back then or was I acting myself now? Thinking about it was giving me a headache.

"Kizami, are you not feeling well? Please talk to me". "I can't really explain it properly. I guess, like you, a lot has been on my mind". I looked up to Kurosaki again, immediatly feeling his lips on mine. It was only for a second before he pulled away with a smile. "I don't know what's up with you but maybe we should go on our date and maybe you can take your mind off things". Kurosaki...So kind and understanding. He's the reason that I've changed or at least opened up and shown something that I could never understand before. To dwell on something os like standing still to look upon it and then slowly moving backwards, refusing to move forwards. I don't wish to stand still. With Kurosaki, I can walk forward and not look back at my old self. So I nodded in response as he held both my hands. Just a walk with him might be enough. I guess rethinking old memories has messed with my head. 

We took a walk around the beach, the sand and the ocean below us as we strolled along the street.. For a moment we stopped at the railings and simply stared out into the afternoon sky and the reflection which bounced from the sea. It was quite majestic and enchanting. That's one way to describe it, I suppose. "It's really nice coming out here, isn't it? It's so beautiful during the afternoon". "It is. It's very beautiful". I agreed with Kurosaki, looking in his direction. He stared out, totally entranced by the gorgeous scenery that Japan had to offer. Kurosaki always liked the beach. When we were children, he used to drag me along and make me play tag until it was time to go home, when the sun drifted down behind the ocean and disappeared under the night sky. Those moments, those memories...Right now I can't believe I ever took them for granted. We sat down on the edge of the pavement, our legs going under the railings and hanging off the edge. Kurosaki folded his arms and leaned against one of the railings at the right height. He looked so comfortable. "So, how abou telling me about your thoughts and your worries? What's on your mind?" Kurosaki asked, still staring out into the sights in front of us. "Kurosaki, have I...changed?" "Huh? What kind of question is that? Well, if it's bothering you then it can't be helped". I awaited his answer, which didn't take too long to come out. "No...I don't think you changed". His answer surprised me. I haven't...changed? "I don't think anyone just 'changes'. Everyone is a different individual who creates an appearance for other people, when inside they hide something that they wouldn't want to show to others. I remember how you used to tell me that humans have a habit of keeping up some sort of appearance. Why they do it, we don't know. I don't think even humans know why". "That's true. Everyone has to act a certain way in front of others, even strangers. It's dumb". "Yeah, you're right. But I believe that people don't change they just eventually show their true colours and embrace their true selves. That's what you did, Kizami". Kurosaki finally looked at me with a friendly smile. "You haven't changed, you just opened up to me". Kurosaki overlapped my hand with his, still smiling. "I found out so much about you because you opened up, you never changed, Kizami. This has always been you but you simply chose to hide it in front of people. I'm sure you had your reasons, right?" I didn't respond to that, but he was actually right. I guess I just hid these feelings inside for my own reasons. Those reasons could have been anything. Fear of weakness, preferance to solitude, shyness. Anything. Were these feelings that I had for Kurosaki the real me? I guess any sense of emotion that I had was hidden away for so many years that I wasn't used to them, I didn't want them. Kurosaki brought them into light eventually. 

All my thoughts from earlier had settled into just that, mere thoughts that pass by quickly. But if I acted like this now, could I ever go back to my true self? I scooted closer to Kurosaki, wrapping an arm around his waist and resting my head on his shoulder. "Kizami...?" "Kurosaki, please don't ever disappear". I was showing weakness to him, to Kurosaki, but what did it matter? This wasn't the first time. "Where would I go? We're lovers aren't we? See, now I'm blushing bexause you made me say that". I chuckled, raising my head to kiss his cheek. It was warm. He really was blushing. "Do you wanna get going or do you want to stay a little longer?" Kurosaki asked as I pulled away from him. "You know what, let's stay for a little while longer. It's peaceful here". "Alright, then". Looking out into the ocean, my thoughts fade and I relax. Maybe I shouldn't get so worked up about the past, about the old me. I could only walkforward and continue to bring out my brighter side. There are some things that I know will never change, including myself, but I could at least look towards a different path and follow wherever it leads. If Kurosaki was by side for just a little while longer, I could find whatever I'm looking for. He's very supportive, after all. With him, I could possibly find happiness and maybe something else. 

The week following, on a Saturday, as per usual, Kurosaki and I went to the usual meeting place to talk and share with the other members. I really felt like I made some friends over the past few weeks. But after relaxing and simply talking with everyone, we completely lost track of time. It was about seven in the evening once Kurosaki and I left, saying goodbye to everyone as they went their seperate ways. There weren't many people on the street tonight so Kurosaki and I held hands as we walked, the pace allowing us to swing our locked hands back and forth slowly. We headed for the train station, checking the times to see if we would miss the last train going home. "Are we gonna make it?" "Yeah, we should do so". I replied, shifting the sight of my wrist watch under my sleeve. "The next train is in a few minutes, we just made it". "That's good. Mom and Dad are planning to make hot choclate and marshmellows tonight". "What's the occassion?" "There isn't one. We just like to have hot chocolate and watch movies when we're all together?" "That sounds like your family. Well, I hope you enjoy it". "I will...". Sitting on the wooden benches on the platform, we waited. When it did arrive, we headed for the next two stations and got off at our stop. By then it was nearing eight o'clock. No one was at the station except us. We walked out, holding hands. "Hey, Kizami, why don't you come over tonight. You might enjoy it". "I can't do that, Kurosaki. I've taken advantage of your hospitality too many times. They're your parents to spend time with, not mine". "Well, if you're sure. Maybe another time?" "Sure, but just us. We can have a sleepover and...stay up late if you want". Kurosaki's face flushed pure red as I said those words, leaning in closer to his ear. "G-geez, what kind of embarrassing things are you saying?!" I chuckled, leaning in until our lips met. We were standing in the street, near the supermarket by now. We kissed deeply without a care if someone saw us, we didn't think about it. Well...That is until we stopped. I pulled away first, raising my head to look to the pavement in front of me. In that moment...my heart stopped for a second, my lips parted in shock and my eyes widened. No...God, no... 

"Kizami? What's-Haah!" Even Kurosaki was shocked when he looked ahead, covering his mouth as if to hold in a scream. There...on the pavement, staring at us both with shock in their eyes...was my father, Seiji Kizami. The bastard who refused to even look at me for years was now staring right at me as I held Kurosaki's hand, right after kissing him deeply. I froze in place without a mutter to pass my trembling lips. Why did I feel like this? Why did I feel so...scared? My hand went limp from Kurosaki's and hung by side. I wanted to back away but I couldn't move. The look on my father's face a look that I hadn't seen in years. He now looked angry. I couldn't move a muscle when he dropped the shopping bag in his hand to the pavement, or when he approuched me. Grabbing my collar instantly, I couldn't react as he swept his clutched fist in my direction and htting me square in the cheek. It was just like when my brother used to hit me, only more painful in a strange way. I fell to the concrete, my cheek stinging. "Kizami...!" Kurosaki rushed to my side, crouching and helping me sit up. "Are you alright?" He asked. "How dare you". Our attention was then caught by my father's stern voice. The voice that remained silent for nine years. Nine long years. He looked down upon my with his fists still clenched and a burning rage in his eyes. "How dare you carry the Kizami name. You're a fucking disgrace. You little shit!" He raised his voice, creating an echo in the empty street. Why? Why did he have to be here? Why did he have to speak to me now, of all times? "Why...?" He began again, his tone lowered but still stern. "Why didn't your mother just get rid of you?" 

Hearing that...It shocked me, made me curious. Why would he say that? What could it...mean? I looked up at him and asked. "What do you-". "Oh, so you were never told". He then smirked, interupting me as if taking the opportunity to kick me while I was down. And that was very much the case. "I thought you would have been told by now. When you're mother was pregnant with you, her friends, family, and I, advised her to get an abortion". My eyes widened once more. An abortion? Her friends, my grandparents and my father...They wanted her to have an abortion with me?! "It was no surprise". He continued. "Just look at the ages between you and your siblings. You weren't exactly planned. And because of an unplanned pregnancy with a third child, it would have been better to get rid of you, and you know what?" Father crouched in front of me, a smirk still across his lips. "You're mother considered it". At those words, I lost control. "Bastard! You bastard!" I tried to attack, but Kurosaki held me back on reflex. I struggled to get free and kick my father's ass, but Kurosaki persisted. "Kizami, stop! Please, stop!" I kept shouting, angry and upset about the inevitable truth. "Fucker! I'll kill you! I'll fucking kill you!" My father stood, continuing to throw salt in the wound, my wound. "I have no idea why she kept you, to this day. But I bet she regrets it. Neither of us love you, Yuuya. And your siblings only feel sorry for you. If your mother had just got the abortion then we wouldn't be an embarrassment, we would be happy. Because of what you are, what you did, we could never love a monster like you. But this...You disgust me". "Gah! Kurosaki, let go of me! LET GO!" I had never gotten so angry before. I just lost control of myself, but Kurosaki held me back, even wrapping his arms around my torso to keep me grounded. "You are no longer apart of our family, at least when your mother hears. We don't want a disgusting creature like you in our house. Be ready to collect your stuff to move out". He began to walk away, picking up his shopping bag as if he just accidentally dropped it. My anger didn't die down. I only grew more irritated as he walked away from me. "Get back here! Get back here and fight me! Don't you want to beat the shit out of me?! Come on, you bastard! Come on...Why...won't you...". My body drooped as I curled up in despair. Only then did I notice the downpour that had began to shower us. I was trembling uncontrollably, Kurosaki still at my side but not holding me back. "Why...Why did this happen? Kurosaki...". "I'm here, Kizami. Calm down. I'm right here". I felt a pair of arms hold me, Kurosaki's arms. Why was he comforting me when I wasn't even crying? I was just stricken with grief. What was I supposed to do now? Where could I go? 

I couldn't go back to my house tonight. Not tonight. I wanted to wait until morning to collect my stuff and move out. Kurosaki invited me over to stay with a worried look on his face. He wouldn't take no for an answer. Entering his home, Kurosaki's parents greeted us with smiles at first before seeing the looks on our faces. "Boys, what happened?" Kurosaki's mother asked as we slipped off our shoes. "Uh, nothing. Mom, could Kizami stay over tonight, please?" Well, of course. You're welcome anytime. But what happened?" "Maybe later, mom. We're gonna go upstairs and dry off, okay?" "Alright. There are fresh towels in the bathroom". "Thanks...". Kurosaki got the towels while I waited in his room, feeling lifeless and empty. My mind was blank, no thoughts passed by. I didn't know what to think. I was brought back out of my daze when a warm towel was placed over my hair. Kurosaki started ruffling it to get it dry. The towel soon dropped to my shoulders and I looked up to see Kurosaki's worried face. "I won't ask if you're alright-because it's obvious that you're not. But please don't be sad, Kizami. I'm here, like I said". I accepted Kurosaki's gesture when he rested his forehead on mine, eyes closed. He cupped one of my cheeks, kissing my lips. When he pulled away a smile replaced his worried expression. "Now, you can change into some of my loose clothing. I'll get something for your cheek and maybe some snacks. Chocolate seems like a good way to help you smile again". As he said that, my lips curved upwards. "Wait right there and help yourself to some clean clothes. I'll be right back". "Okay...". Kurosaki left the room. I sighed, my smile disappearing. Whenever Kurosaki worried, my heart would always ache. Not just when he worried about me. Whenever he worried, it would hurt a little. I changed into loose clothing, sitting back down on the floor. By the time I did, Kurosaki returned with a tray of snacks and drinks, along with a first-aid box. "I'm back. Here, dig in while I get ready. And no peeking". I chuckled a little as Kurosaki walked behind me to change. I opened up a can of tea, sipping it after thanking Kurosaki. "Why are you thanking me? It's just snacks". "No, Kurosaki. You know why I'm thanking you". "Well, yeah, but, you don't have to. As your best friend, I'm supposed to look out for you and support you. I wouldn't let you spend money on a hotel or spend the night on the street because of what happened. And don't argue back because I won't have it. I care about you, Kizami". We were lovers, but Kurosaki was looking at the situation as if we were still children. Whenever I fell, Kurosaki would be there to catch me. I suddenly felt a pair of arms around me from behind, holding me close. Kurosaki was cold, but somehow warm at the same time. I accepted his embrace, wanting to cry even though it was impossible for me. "You can cry, if you want to". Kurosaki noticed. I recognised these words. Kurosaki said them to me when we were children. When I was down about my parents abandoning me, he offered his shoulder for me to cry on, even though I couldn't. Back then and now. "Kurosaki...". I muttered his name, unable to shed a single tear. I was just...empty. Well, aside from the droplet of warmth in my chest and in Kurosaki's hug. It seemed as though he would cry for me, just like when we were children.

Once dressed, Kurosaki tended to my bruise. He cleaned the small cut in the center, sticking a plaster over it and making me cringe as it stung. "Sorry. Did that hurt?" "A little, but thank you. I'm also sorry that I took you away from your time with your parents". "It's fine, don't worry about it. They had hot chocolate with eachother so it's fine. We're having snacks right now, the good stuff that I bought". As he said that, Kurosaki ripped open a bag of potato chips and picked out one at random to munch on. Kurosaki was an active person but even he enjoyed something sweet every now and then. I sipped my tea, also breaking a piece of chocolate from the candy bar. We sat next to eachother and were, for a short while, silent. Only little sounds filled the room, like the rustling of a potato chip bag or the breaking sound of chocolate pieces. I stopped thinking about the incident, if only for a few short moments. But they soon returned when my mind explored. "Kurosaki, about earlier, why did you stop me?" "Huh? You mean...Well, I...I'm not sure if you'll understand why I stopped you from fighting your dad. I guess I didn't want you to stoop down to his level, or maybe I didn't want you to get hurt anymore. Now I see that I was wrong to hold you back. He deserved a beating and I stopped you from giving him one. I'm sorry". "Don't be sorry.It's not your fault, you just didn't want me to get hurt. I understand that". As much as I wanted to hit that bastard, I couldn't. Kurosaki wad trying to look out for me and that was that. "Hey, Kizami?" Kurosaki's head drooped. It made me curious but I let him finish. "What will you do now? What your dad said...Are they really going to kick you out?" "I assume so, yes. I guess it's about time that I found an apartment. I can finally move out and...". "Why not live here?" I froze in place, holding the brim of the tea can to my lips. What did he just say? I looked to Kurosaki. He was looking right at me with a serious expression. "Kurosaki, what...". "Why don't you stay here?" He repeated. I couldn't..."Kurosaki, I couldn't ask that of you. No way. That...I...". I didn't know what to add. I felt like if I didn't protest more then Kurosaki would be more persistent. Too late, I suppose. "Please, Kizami. Stay here so that all the money you made from working won't go to waste when you can have a home right here. Please". He was serious about this, about having me move in. What would his parents think? Hasn't he considered that? "I told my parents what happened. I'm sorry but I wanted them to understand and they said that it would be okay, as long as you pulled your weight, chores and generally helping out". Kurosaki had already thought about it and had already asked for permission. But I guess it all came down to me, about what I thought. 

It would save money and I would be able to see Kurosaki all the time. I would be doing chores and helping out so it wouldn't be a bother for his parents. "...Okay. I'll move in". A bright smile appeared on Kurosaki's lips, he hugged me tightly. "I'm glad, Kizami. Don't worry, I'll make sure you feel at home. You're like family, after all". It was then decided. I would live with Kurosaki and his parents, just as long as I played my part in doing housework and if I helped a little with expenses like I usually did. And Kurosaki honestly wanted me to stay. It would just be until university, when I could sleep in a dorm until graduation when I could rent an apartment. Until then I could live in a more comfortable home and feel like a part of it. I wouldn't call myself family, but Kurosaki would. To him, I've always been family. Maybe I could really be a part of that someday and feel comfortable and happy. I could have whatever I was missing in my life up until now. To thank Kurosaki would never be enough. I owe him my life, which he's been saving countless times without realising. Kurosaki has saved my life and for that I'll never stop feeling this way about him, but as the days in our lives go on I think that my feelings may grow stronger than ever and that this warmth in my chest will never cease. Is this what true happiness is? Is this what...love is?


	29. Long Before I Met Him...

Kurosaki's POV

Kizami had moved into my house the previous night. He didn't have any luggage at the time but it's what we decided, alomg with my parents permission. They were happy to have him live here in my house for as long as he wanted. Kizami was very polite, no surprises there, by bowing and apologising. He said that he would do anything he could to help out. I said that we could get his stuff the next day and that I would of course help out with anything. We had a spare room for a while that was never used. Mom and Dad used to joke around and say that the room could he used for my younger sibling. That never happened so the room was always empty, aside from an old desk, a closet and a western styled bed. While my parents were out working, Kizami and I would have two jobs. 1. We had to move all of Kizami's stuff from his parents house to my house in boxes, without a car. 2. We had to clean up the spare room of dust or spider webs before moving everything in there. My mother called ahead to say that Kizami would be picking up his stuff. Apparently Haruna was the only one there at the moment and said that it was okay. For the moment, Kizami slept in my bed that night before the move. He cuddled up next to me, refusing to let go. I didn't mind at all, just as long as he was comfortable and as long as he wasn't crushing me. When we got up, we made breakfast, washed up and go to work. Kizami had to wear the clothes from yesterday until we could bring his clothes over. We headed to his parents house to start the move, Kizami looking like he held a heavy heart and many thoughts looping around over and over. 

Arriving at his parents house, Haruna greeted us at the door, Kizami ignoring her as he entered. "Are you coming, Kurosaki? I don't want to stay here for long". "Yuuya, don't be rude". Haruna scolded as she watched Kizami go upstairs. "It's okay, Haruna. Can't you understand his feelings right now?" "...I suppose. Go on up while I get some boxes from the attic". Haruna left to go upstairs. She spoke of it as if she wasn't saddened by Kizami having to leave home, as if she already accepted it. That honestly angered me a little. I went up to Kizami's room to see him getting out a bag for packimg clothes. He wasn't hesitating. This had been his bedroom for years, despite the bad memories. He wasn't taking a moment or anything. I know I would when it's time for me to move out. I didn't like the atmosphere at all. It was as if they all knew this was coming and they accepted it. "Alright, there are a few boxes so make sure to pack everything neatly and make sure anything fragile is wrapped up in this bubble wrap". "Okay, sure...". Kizami spoke indifferently to Haruna, but she disregarded it. "Kouki said he would come over to help move your things since he has a car". "Fine...". Kizami was getting on with packing, not bothering to look at Haruna. "I'll leave you to it, then". She left us. Although Haruna was quite scary at times, did Kizami have to be so cold? I picked up two boxes with bubble wrap inside, beginning to pack up his collection of books. He had a lot, a lot more books than I had manga. I stacked them into the boxes, up to the brim, closing them and then taping them with the tape provided. Kizami continued to pack clothing. He was emotionless. I understand how different our families are and that Kizami's had a lot more downs than ups over the years. But seeing him feel...nothing was a downer for me. I could never understand how he felt about his family so that's why I was a little sad. I felt bad for Kizami. I felt bad that he couldn't feel anything.

I decided to take a break after half an hour. We packed up quite a few things and were almost finished since Kizami didn't have much. He didn't even have a single picture. Well, except for the photo strips we took on our very first date. I found those in his desk. Seeing them again made me smile. I went downstairs to ask Haruna if I could make some tea. She said she didn't mind and came with me to the kitchen. Haruna had really grown up since Kizami and I were kids. She was a lot less scary and more mature. She was even quite pretty. "Kurosaki,". He called my name as she set up three mugs. "Is it true?" "Huh...?" I was a little puzzled at first due to the vague question, but she then continued. "Is it true that you and Yuuya are dating?" I felt a bit embarrassed because it was Haruna asking, Kizami's big sister. "How...did you find out? Did your father say something?" "Yes, actually. He came in and immediatly told Mother that he saw you two kissing in the street as he was coming home from grocery shopping. Mother was as shocked as he was. We all were". She said it as if our relationship was a bad thing. "They both got upset and Dad forced the idea of kicking Yuuya out. I wanted to reason with them but decided against it". I looked to Haruna as she poured hot water into each mug. Her expression was emotionless. "Why? Why didn't you-". "Think about it, Kurosaki". She interupted, looking at me then. "Mom and Dad already dislike Yuuya's presence in this house. If he were to continue living here with them both knowing his relationship with you...It's unimaginable because the way they see it, it's disgusting". That hurt a little. Hearing about the cruel reality hurt. "I'm sorry". Haruna apologised, her tone becoming calm. "I-I...Believe me, I have no problem with the relationship. I only want Yuuya to find happiness in the world. Is he happy with you?" "Yeah, I think he is". "Then that's all that matters to me. If Yuuya ended up all alone in the future...". Haruna covered her mouth as she began to tear up. I never imagined such a strong person being able to cry. "I don't want to think aboht it. Yuuya is my little brother and I love him to bits-but he won't listen to that. He thinks that it's all lies because he believes that our parents lied to him". "What do you mean?" Haruna paused to take a breath before answering my question. Her tears halted from spilling as she composed herself with a sigh. 

"When Yuuya was born, Mom said that he was so beautiful, and he was. He was so gorgeous that none of us could take our eyes off him. He was the sweetest little baby with such a bright smile. He used to grab our fingers and put them in his mouth. It was so cute". Haruna smiled at the thought of her little brother as a baby. I couldn't even imagine it, Kizami as a cute infant. Her eyes were still red but the happy memories were still there in her head. She proceeded. "Our parents loved him so much and he loved them. I could see it whenever he reached out from his crib in the morning or hugged them whenever he was rocked to sleep at night. Then things changed as he grew up. I don't know what changed in such an innocent little boy, but after he stabbed that young boy in elementary, something changed in Mom and Dad as well". Is this why Kizami is the way he is now? Why he dislikes his parents so much, why he abandoned his love for them? "Because of what Yuuya was, they ignored him as if he wasn't their son anymore. They abandoned him. They built a bond with him and dropped him the moment he changed. That's why he believes we lie to him, why he pushes us away. He doesn't want to get hurt again. I can't even imagine what he felt when his parents, our parents, abandoned him like that. He must have been heart-broken, my poor little brother". Haruna was tearing up again. She really cared about Kizami, she always has. And he can't understand that because he doesn't want to feel the same pain again. Kizami acts like a strong person, and he is, but deep down he's just human, scared of being abandoned again. "Kurosaki, you're dating him and I'm sure he cares about you just as much as you care about him. Please don't abandon him, because he doesn't deserve that again, no matter what he's like. Please take care of him for me". "I...I will, but...". I paused to think about this. "Kizami isn't a child anymore, Haruna. He's a man who doesn't need his hand held. Kizami is strong in will. I understand what you mean, but Kizami is his own person. I won't abandon him, though, no matter what he's like because I...I really like him". I didn't mean to go that far in front of Haruna, but it didn't matter. I was only being honest. "I see. Well, that's fair. Yuuya isn't a child, but I don't want him to be hurt". "He won't be, relax. I would never do anything to hurt him, but let him stand on his own two feet". "I will. I'm glad we have this conversation. It reminded me of something. How about taking this tea to Yuuya and finishing off before Kouki gets here?" "Uh, sure". I took the two mugs of tea and headed upstairs with them, carefully. 

I peeked into the bedroom to see Kizami packing up his bedding into boxes. I entered, announcing that I brought tea. "Here, I got us some drinks". "Oh, thank you". Kizami took his mug, taking a sip. "It's good. Just how I like it, so thank you, Kurosaki". I restrained myself from telling Kizami that Haruna made it. She knew how he liked his tea. The fact that he didn't know was enough to make me smile. "What's the matter? We're almost finished, hurry up so we can clean up this afternoon instead of this evening". "Oh, right! Sorry". I gulped my tea, putting it down on the empty desk before continuing to pack. We finishedeventually, Kizami's big brother arriving with his car to help move. It was afternoon by then. Kizami loaded up the boxes into the car while I organised things a bit. Haruna entered the almost empty bedroom with a shopping bag in hand, a big one. "Kurosaki, I want you to have this". I stood upto face her, recieving the bag. "What is it?" I asked, peeking into it. "Photo albums. Our parents took down all of Yuuya's pictures and dumped them in the attic with his other ones. I took the time to put each one in an album. It's strange but Mom and Dad took a lot of photos of Yuuya when he was younger. Seemingly a lot more than me and Kouki, despite being the older children". These were all Kizami's pictures from when he was a baby. Curiousity sparked, as well as enthusiasm. I couldn't wait to look through each one. "Thank you very much, Haruna. I'll take good care of them". "I hope so. These memories are important so we need to keep them safe. My parents have forgotten but I won't. Maybe we could look through them some time behind Yuuya's back". Haruna giggled. I was happy to recieve his baby pictures. That would make entertaining reading material. I took the bag down to the car, sliding inside as everything was packed. Kouki, Kizami's older brother, sat in the drivers seat. "Hi, Kurosaki. Long time no see". "Yeah, you too". Kizami sat next to me at the back. "Is everything packed, Yuuya?" He nodded, not looking at his brother as he strapped in. I strapped in as well, wanting to sigh due to Kizami's cold behaviour. Haruna saw us off as she approuched the car, waving as we drove off. Kizami could finally move in and leave his past memories behind. Well, not all of them. I thought, clutching the bag between my legs.

We began preperations for Kizami's new room, Kizami refusing to let his big brother help. Kizami's too proud around his siblings. Around me he shows his sweet and gentle side, presenting a weaker but cuter side. Gah, that was some unusual thinking. First of all, I started carrying boxes up to the room with Kizami. We then started unpacking and finding a place for everything. It wasn't up to me since this would be Kizami's bedroom but he didn't seem to mind. Just as long as his laptop was on the desk, his bedding was on the bed, his books were in a suitable place until we bought a bookshelf and his spare bedding in the sliding closet by the bed. He was just looking for convienience, basically. While Kizami went to the bathroom, I took the small opportunity to look through some of Kizami's baby pictures. Haruna even labled the front of the books, how well organised. They weren't big books, just big enough to hold twenty photos at best. I opened the first page, and gave out a little gasp. The first four pictures were taken when Kizami was born. You could see the hospital equipment in the backround, not to mention how tiny Kizami was. He was so tiny and cute. I couldn't possibly hold back a smile. Looking at the four pictures, I asumed they were when each family member held Kizami for the first time. His Mother, of course, his Father, Kouki, Haruna. Everyone was smiling except for the sleeping Yuuya. Even after having two children, Kizami's parents must have been so happy to see him. I flipped to the next page. The first picture on the next page was of Kizami with his eyes open. He looked even cuter. His eyes used to be so big until he became a teenager and they matured. My eyes have always been big and child-like, but that's just me. One of the photos even caught a small smile on Kizami's lips as he stared into the camera. I couldn't stop thinking about how cute he was. I never saw Kizami like this, so innocent and adorable. He's changed a lot since birth. Upon hearing the distant flushing of the toilet, I quickly closed the book and placed it back in the bag with the others. Kizami would obviously wash his hands so there shouldn't be a rush. I just began tidying things up again. 

Kizami entered the room with a sigh, shutting the door behind him. "Okay, where are we up to?" He asked. "Um, there's not much. Only cleaning up and finding a place for the rest of your stuff". "Well, okay. Sure. Let's get this done by tonight". "Right. You're right. We can start hanging out after this. It'll be fun. Stay up late, play video games, watch movies". "That does sound fun. I really look forward to living with you, Kurosaki". "Me too. I never imagined this until now". "Really? Yeah, I guess so". Kizami came up behind me, kissing the back of my head before getting back to work. I had the bag of photo albums right under me. If Kizami saw them...I would have to hide them when we were finished, somewhere safe and somewhere Kizami couldn't find them. He might get upset that I have them so it was best to keep it a secret. 

Once we finally finished up, Kizami and I looked over the room, our work. Mom and Dad would be home soon and they said, over the phone, that they had a special dinner in mind to celebrate Kizami moving in. "So, you're all set up". I muttered, running my fingers through my hair. The room was nice and neat, as you would expect Kizami's room to be. Everything had its place from his books stacked in the corner, for now, to his stationery set up on his desk. He had everything he needed at the moment and would hopefully get settled in soon. "Yeah, I guess. Although this means that we shouldn't share a bed anymore". "Yeah, that's right. You have your own room now, but that doesn't mean we can't share a bed". "How so?" "Who says we have to be sleeping?" Kizami arched his eyebrow and then smirked. "Really? Do you have something else in mind, Kurosaki?" When I realised, my face became very hot. "Uu! I-I didn't mean that, pervert! I m-mean cuddling and...". I couldn't back away from this. I said something that would haunt me for the rest of my teenage life. Kizami chuckled, wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin on the top of my head. I was still mortified but I accepted his hug, burying my face into his broad chest. Kizami...smelled really good. I wouldn't be able to smell that anymore since we wouldn't be sleeping in the same bed. "Kurosaki, I want to thank you again. I feel likeI could be happy here, with you". "Of course you will. I'll make you feel at home, and I'm sure my parents will do the same". I looked over the room again. Kizami would really be living here with me and my parents. To me it felt like he would really be a part of the family. Having Kizami around everyday would be amazing. We could really do all the stuff I had planned. Staying up late, watching T.V together, playing video games, taking baths together. It was what friends do but we could be a couple at the same time. I looked forward to it. 

When my parents got home, they were carrying a lot of shopping bags and announced that we would be having hot pot for dinner that night. Hearing that made my stomach growl in anticipation. "Boys, could you set the table?" "Yes, Mom. Come on, Kizami". It was like being a kid again, only...we're a couple. As I reached for the portable burner on the top shelf, I felt a big hand overlap mine. I blushed when realising that it was Kizami. He was taller so it was easier for him to reach. "I'll get it, Kurosaki". "Fine, then. I'll get the pot". We shared a smile before continuing with our tasks. We set up the pot and portable burner before setting up bowls and plates for the ingredients in the kitchen. We had broth in the pot and all the ingredients we wanted. After setting everything up we all sat at the table and said our thanks for the meal. In a traditional hot pot you would have different ingredients to create a balance such as meats, seafood and vegetables. My parents bought quite a lot of ingredients so we would be stuffed afterwards. A variety of ingredients were added to the pot and cooked before we all took our share. Kizami looked so comfortable beside me as he spoke with my parents as if they were his own. They asked us about school and our part-time jobs and how the move went. It was such a cozy and warm atmosphere, one that Kizami missed out on for years. "Yuuya, when was the last time you had a hot pot?" "Well, actually, I had one with my classmates. That included Kurosaki. We just went out and decided to have one at a nice restaraunt in town". I remember that. It was while we were still dating and no one knew about it. So it was around the beginning of our relationship. "So, you two,". My Dad began, looking a little sheepish. "Since you're a...couple, I assume you're using...protection". Kizami and I froze, any sound that filled the room came to a halt. What...What kind of question is that?! "Oh, that's right. I hope you boys are being careful when you're being passionate". My whole face became red when my mother jouned in. "Y-you guys...!" I covered my face with my hands. What sort of conversation is this to have at the dinner table? Are my parents crazy? "Oh, well...". I raised my head upon hearing Kizami's shy tone. He stopped, curling up a little in his kneeling position. "There's no need to be shy, boys". That's not very reassuring, mom! "That isn't the sort of conversation to have right now, especially since you're Kurosaki's parents". Kizami...you angel! No wonder I'm dating you..."But, in all honesty, Kurosaki and I haven't...gone that far yet. But when we do, I'll wear protection". I felt a crack in my thoughts when he said that. "Ki-Kizami...!" "I turned to him, my face hot. "Sorry, Kurosaki. I didn't mean to embarrass you". Yes you did! I sighed in defeat, failing to hide a small smile on my lips. 

I sat at the table still, full up after dinner. Kizami offered to help with the dishes while I sat with my Mom. "Yuuya is such a good boy, isn't he?" I wasn't really listening, but nodded anyway. My stomach was so full from dinner. "It's good that he's comfortable. That's what we want, after all, right?". I nodded again, deaf to my Mom's questions. "Kensuke? Kensuke, sweetie, are you listening?" I shook my head as if I actually heard that one. She sighed. "Oh, well. I'm sure you'll make Yuuya feel welcome". I would do so, even if I wasn't listening to her. I wanted Kizami to be comfortable in his new home. "Anyway, I assume you're too full to have dessert". "There's dessert?" "Aha, you heard me that time". "Sorry, Mom. Maybe later. I'm really full up, dinner was great". "I'm glad. I wanted to have something special since you both worked so hard today". "Well, we both appreciate it, I'm sure. Could ee have dessert later?" "Of course. You can both have some later tonight, but don't forget to brush your teeth". "We won't. I'm gonna go lie down for a bit". "Okay, sweetie". I got up, my stomach feeling heavy and jiggly. I had a fast metabolism so I wouldn't gain weight, but I could still feel full after such an amazing dinner. I went upstairs, intending to take a long rest. 

I ended up awakening after lying down for a few minutes. I ended up falling asleep. I turned on my side to check the clock by my bed. It was around eight in the evening. I yawned, feeling well rested. At least I didn't feel full anymore. At that thought, I heard a knock t my door. "Oh, come in". I said, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "Hi, Kurosaki". It was Kizami. He had changed his clothes and held a towel at his arm. "I just came to say that the bath is free, but it looks like you took a nap". "Yeah, I did. Okay, I'll go for a bath in a minute". "That's good. It's been a long day so we should both get some well earned rest. Oh and, before I forget, I'm going to the supermarket tomorrow to pick up some essentials for myself. Do you want to come along?" "Sure. What are you getting?" "Just a few items that I need for bathing and things. Shampoo, aftershave, a razor. Normal things for a man my age. I wouldn't have your parents buy those things for me, it's my job to buy my own products". "I do the same. They've done so much for me over the years that I buy my own stuff now, including clothes". "I see. Well, goodnight then". "Wait a moment". I stopped Kizami before he left. He paused, his hand on the doorknob. "Do you want to have some dessert with me? I never got the chance to because I was full and I took a nap". Kizami smiled with a nod. "Sure. I just have to dry my hair and I'll see you in the kitchen". "Okay, then". Kizami shut the door quietly. I lay back for a moment, appreciating the company that I would have with Kizami from now on. Every night would be like this. That's what I hoped. Relaxing and fun. It would be like having Kizami sleep over every night, but it was so much more than that. So began our days living together, Kizami and I. We would get up, have breakfast together, take baths together, walk to school together and go into the same home everyday. Tomorrow was another school day, a Monday. We would go to school, Kizami would go to his part-time job and then we would do some shopping for his things. Even that, those little mundane things, sounded exciting to me. I couldn't wait for the days to come as we began living under the same roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kizami's whole character and relationship with his family is so clever! It's like the foundation of creating a psychopath. When Kizami was born, his parents would love him naturally and take care of him. But when Kizami started developing traits of a psychopath, without understanding how, his parents drop those years of love and care like a sh*t filled diaper. Kizami feels abandoned and neglected, so he chooses to push those past feelings of love away, including his siblings. Kizami's just human and I think he just doesn't want that pain again. He believes that humans put on an appearance until others show their true nature. The whole source of his killings in heavenly host was because of his parents! He assumed that his classmates pretended to be all smiles and cheerfulness in public, when they would most likely change their opinion of someone if they acted differently. In heavenly host, Kizami soon showed his true colours and everyone was scared of him and couldn't accept him. It was genius! I applaud the creaters of Corpse Party for making such a character. I love Kizami for how clever his character is. I hope this explaination could be understood because it's my theory of his existance. Kizami is the greatest character in Corpse Party, in my opinion. People can still hate him but that's okay. Not everyone like the psycho's. Also, try to imagine a baby Kizami. In my head, he's really adorable.


	30. Living Together - Part 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think a few of these chapters will just be cute moments of Kizami and Kurosaki living under the same roof and just getting on with a domestic life, and then we'll move on to their third and final year in high school. Not the final chapters, just their final year in high school. Then we can move on to university and adulthood. I thought about it and realised that this story will be long. Like loooooong, long. So long that I hope I can finish it by the end of 2015. If I don't, then f*ck my life. I love this story but there's so much to do in so little time for me! Damn it all!

Kizami's POV

It had been a few days since I moved in to Kurosaki's house, and I've never felt so at home in all my life. His parents are kind and all they ask of me is to do my share of choresaround the house and pay for my own bathroom products and clothes, which is fine. It's a small price to pay for living in their house and sitting at their dinner table. The best part of it all is seeing Kurosaki everyday. In the morning when we wake up, going to school, coming back from school, eating meals with him and saying goodnight to him every evening. I've never felt so comfortable. Living with Kurosaki and his parents has been a joy. But it's not like I can stay there forever. When university starts for me, I'll most likely be moving out. I can't stay there my whole life, afterall. Still, this is the first time I've ever felt like a part of the family. 

I was just finishing wiping counters and tables when my shift ended. I worked at the local book store in town, which had an internet cafe. I worked there for a few years, along with my second part-time job, to save up money that I needed. It seemed like a majority of my life revolved around working hard, not just at a job but at school too. We were heading into our third year next year and my seventeenth birthday in October. But it was spring right now so no need to worry about that. I finished cleaning up and got ready to leave when the front door opened and the small chimes above rang. "Oh, sorry, we're closing-". I stopped when I looked to the door. "Hi, Kizami". I sighed when I saw the 'customer'. It was only Kurosaki. "Hey, Kurosaki. Are you here for a drink because we're just closing". "Nah, maybe next time. I just came to pick my boyfriend up. It's Saturday night so me and you are staying up late to play video games and eat snacks". "Oh, I see. Well, alright. Shall we go to the convienience store on the way home?" "Yup, you read my mind. We haven't been able to do this all week because of school and homework, but tonight is different. We can just stay up and have fun". "That sounds nice. I have finished all my homework, you?" "Of course. I always finish on time". I walked past Kurosaki to the front door, he followed until we were both outside. Taking out the spare key, I locked up. "Wow, I can't believe your boss trusts you to do that". "I work hard and do what I can to help her. She just trusts me". "Her, huh? Sounds like she likes you". Kurosaki joked, giving a goofy grin. "What are you saying? The only person who I'm interested in is you, Kurosaki. Besides, the boss is older than me. She's in her final year of college". "Okay, then. Fair enough". We walked together out of the library and into the street. We would get the train and head to the convenience store, passing conversation the whole way. 

While browsing snacks at the convenience store, Kurosaki asked about how I felt living at his house. "I...I'm quite comfortable. I really appreciate your kindness, from you and your parents". "It's no trouble. Kizami, my house has always been your house. You've always been a part of the family. But you've officially moved in now, so that's just as good". "I'm really grateful. If there's anything I can do for any of you then please ask". "No, what you're doing is enough. I pull my weight too so...". Kurosaki didn't finish as he picked up some snacks and dumped them into the basket that I carried. By snacks I mean potato chips and soda, of all different flavors. I sighed at Kurosaki's gluttony. You're an athlete, have some self-pride. 

We bought our stuff and headed home. I guess I considered it home by now. It would take too long to keep calling it Kurosaki's house, afterall. I did kind of consider it my home, anyway as pushy as that was. Inside, we slipped off our shoes and headed upstairs with the bag of snacks. It had gotten late, not too late but it was still night. Kurosaki's parents would just be heading to bed by now. Kurosaki flicked on his bedroom light as we entered, putting down the bag, right in front of his T.V. "Okay, let's go take a bath, get changed and then start gaming. Wanna take one together?" Kurosaki asked, grabbing his towel from a small pile in the corner. "Sure. It would save a lot of time". I was tempted to tease him, but sided against it. I tease him enough already about sex and everything when I know we're not ready. That's right, we haven't gone any further yet and don't plan to until we're both ready. For men, being a teenager means a lot. Hormones and wet dreams. It can't be helped but it happens. I mean, I've never really experienced that because I don't have sexual dreams or desires. But, lately, I've thought a lot more about Kurosaki. Not in a sexual way, but I can't help thinking how cute he is. I want to tease him and bully him and make him embarrassed. It's a little sadistic when I put it that way, but it's what I desire. If we can't...be more intimate then I play with him a little bit. 

Undressing, I got under the shower. Kurosaki waited until I was in the bath before coming in himself. I quickly rinsed and washed myself before getting in, calling Kurosaki into the room. "Okay, don't peek otherwise I'll be mad at you". He said as he raised his shirt. I smirked. "Don't worry, I won't". He undressed too, washing himself under the shower before getting in. Although, I did speak up when he tried to get in at the other end of the bath. "Kurosaki, what are you doing?" "Huh? What am I doing? I'm getting into the bath". "No, not there. Here, sit here". I pointed to the spot right in front of me. Kurosaki's face flushed red. "Wh-why? I-I mean...I can't get in that close!" I couldn't help myself this time. "Yes, you can. Now come here. Don't be shy". Kurosaki was hesitant, looking for an argument in his stammers and bashfullness. I didn't really mean it, but he gave up anyway, so I was a little surprised when he sat inbetween my legs, his back right in front of me. "I-I guess it couldn't hurt to get a little closer, even though this is really embarrassing". "Is that so?" I wrapped my arms around his waist, making him flinch and give out a cute little gasp. I buried my lips into his hair, kissing the top of his head and getting a good whiff of his shampoo. "K-Kizami, this really isn't like you. I thought you would be more tame and docile than this". I chuckled. "Sorry, I can't help myself. Kurosaki is just too cute". "You've become such a tease". So he noticed. "I can be a tease too. Wait and you'll see". "I can count on that, since you got me back for my biting. It will probably be a lot worse than what I'm doing so I'm a little nervous". "Really? I mean, hah, of course. You should be". I hugged him, the bath water splashing and shifting around us. "Kizami...". Kurosaki sunk into my chest, looking up at me. I leaned down, giving him an upside down kiss. It was a little awkward but we managed to make our lips meet, if a little bit. Kurosaki leaned back, overlapping my hand with his. I kissed down from the top of his head to the nape of his neck. It must have tickled because he flinched again. His neck was so sensitive. I kissed along to his shoulder and back up to the side of his neck as I held him close. "Hnah...!" I dragged my tongue along his neck, where a faded mark lay. It would be cruel to leave another mark there, so I just used my tongue and only nipped at it with my lips and teeth. "Haa, haa, hmn, nn, Kizami...Haa, Kizami...". Kurosaki whispered my name, exciting me. I could feel my heart beginning to pound. 

"Hmm-mn! Nn...Kizami...s-something's...poking me...It's...really hard...". "What...?!" I was both startled and embarrassed, pulling away from Kurosaki. I couldn't have-! "Hahaha...Fufufu...". I heard Kurosaki laughing the next minute. He turned his head to look at me, grinning. "Gottcha...". My eyebrows furrowed. That was a cheeky and embarrassing prank. "Hah! You're face is red". "Kurosaki, that was mean. I thought I really...". "It's what you get for being a big perv". Kurosaki carefully turned his body around to face me, wrapping his arms around my neck as he kneeled in the bath. He touched our foreheads together, smiling sweetly. "Are you okay?" He asked. "Yeah, just a bit dizzy". "We can get out soon and wash up, okay? First,". Kurosaki tilted his head, meeting my lips with his. It was soft. I allowed him to take control as our tongues push against eachother. We moaned against eachothers lips. This was a passionate moment, I suppose. Usually this would lead to something more sexual but we weren't like that. When the time was right, we would go through with it but now was not the time for us. I could definitely wait for that, as much as I teased Kurosaki about it. If we were any other couple then we would jump right in, but we're both guys and childhood friends so it would be a little weird for us. Kurosaki was originally straight so he wouldn't have imagined anything like sleeping with another man. We were taking our sweet time, and that was okay. Right now was one of our most passionate moments as we kissed, naked, in the bathtub. 

I changed in my bedroom before going back into Kurosaki's room. He was picking out a few games for us to play on his console, an open can of cream soda next to him on the floor. I sat down next to him, a towel still over my shoulders as I dried my hair with it. "So, what do you wanna play first. I got a few games at the weekend that I still have to play. Pick whichever one and we'll play it for a few hours before moving on". "Any is fine". I added my vague contribution, opening a can of strawberry soda and sipping it. "Okay, then. How about Smash Brothers or another fighting game?" "Like I said, any is fine as long as I'm playing with you". "You've become quite a sap. I like it, I think". "What do you mean?" "You've become so gentle, Kizami. That's...all I can really say without getting flustered". There was a brief moment of silence, that one moment helping me think over that statement. I've become...more gentle? "Alright, I'll stick in a game and we'll play until we're exhausted, sound good?" "Sounds good". I answered as Kurosaki turned on his game console and television. We sat on the floor cushions as we went through the steps for our first game. Pickimg a difficulty mode, picking a character and so on. Kurosaki's mother came into the room to say goodnight and to warn us not to stay up too late. "Alright, Mom". Kurosaki said, wishing his mother a goodnight as well. We kept the ceiling lights on so that we didn't hurt our eyes while playing. Bags of potato chips were opened and we began to go through each can of soda. Every hour or so, we switched games and played different things. It was actually quite fun. I never played video games before so I was quite bad at them now, but I found them fun when it was with Kurosaki. Strange. I've come to appreciate more things with him around. 

"Damn it...". Kurosaki muttered as he lost another match. I was getting the hang of things during the many rounds of fighting or racing games. I wasn't a fan of video games but it's not hard after going over the controls. Kurosaki sighed, leaning back on one hand as he sipped his drink. I emptied my second bag of potato chips. We had one left, which we could share, unless Kurosaki wanted to go to bed already. We had eventually turned off the main light and went to lamps so we didn't hurt our eyes. I checked my wrist watch. It was nearing ten o'clock already. "Kurosaki, do you want to go to bed now? We can stay up for a little longer if you want, but it's up to you". "Why, are you getting sleepy?" "Kind of. I mean, I was working today". "Alright. We'll go to bed. Can you help me clean up?" "Yeah, sure. Then we'll go brush our teeth". I felt like a kid when I said that. It did feel that way. I remember when Kurosaki bought his very first game console when he was ten or eleven. This was during the early 2000's when stuff like that was just coming out. It's 2008 right now so technology and games are in the works. I'm not interested in those things but I hear Katayama and Ohkawa talk about it a lot. 

Dumping all our rubbish in the trash bin downstairs, Kurosaki and I went to the bathroom to clean our teeth before bed. Kurosaki even invited me to sleep in his bed for the night. I accepted since it had been a while. Turning off the lights, the bedroom was shrouded in complete darkness. Getting into Kurosaki's bed, I turned on my side and felt a pair of arms around my waist and warm breath on my back. "How's this?" Kurosaki asked. I smirked. "Awkward...". Kurosaki was shorter than me so it was a little awkward, but nice. "Well, excuse me for being awkward. He said that but I knew he was smiling from the small laughter in his voice. This was my first time being in this position of a cuddle. Kurosaki was hugging me tightly. I couldn't take it. I shuffled around in my lying position until I rolled on my other side, facing Kurosaki. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close. "Better...?" I asked into his hair. "Did you not like my cuddles?" "Maybe when you grow taller. Right now, just let me cuddle you, like this". I held Kurosaki tightly, kissing his forehead. "...Alright". He gave in. "If you say so. Goodnight, Kizami". "Goodnight". Kurosaki clutched my shirt from the back, snuggling his face into my chest. He could probably hear my heartbeat, because I could certainly feel ot. The slow, calm thumping of my heartbeat. I could feel Kurosaki's. It had such a nice rhythm. How many times have we cuddled like this, just listening to eachothers heartbeat? Probably quite a few times since becoming a couple. And it's always so calming and gentle. How many more times will we cuddle like this and be in eachothers company, so closely to eachother? I didn't know. I didn't think about it as I hugged Kurosaki's warm body and kissed into his soft hair before sleep would set in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's okay to hint this stuff but describe nothing, right? It's okay since nothing happened, right? Two adults can bathe without touching! It's fine. Right? O_O


	31. Living Together - Part 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know sometimes I put out lazy chapters, but that's because I feel that way. These are going to be lazy chapters until I start writing about their third year in high school. There will also be a chapter involving the Sachiko Ever After Charm near the end of the second year, just to finish that off and then third year will commence. Is that okay? I hope so.

Kurosaki's POV

It was yet another morning during the weekend. Kizami had lived with us for a few days now, and it was so much fun. I've never hung out with him this much-it's truely incredible. We see eachother every day and can be a couple all around my house, although not in front of my parents. They might be a little uncomfortable with Kizami and I showing affection when they're in the room, even though they accept us. We were growing up, together. Maybe when we finish with school and university, we can live together again in an apartment. That would be a dream come true. I was getting excited just thinking about it. Sharing chores, eating together, m-maybe sharing a bed. I couldn't stop smiling at the thought as I hung up laundry outside.

It was a lovely morning and Mom had some laundry that needed to dry while the weather was still nice, so she politely asked me and Kizami to help out before breakfast. I was hungry but helping out meant more to me, so we gladly accepted. I shivered as a cool breeze past through my loose clothing. If I knew we were going to hang out laundry then I would have changed first. "You okay?" Kizami asked, concerned for me. "Yeah, it's just a bit chilly. Let's hurry so we can start on those pancakes". Kizami and I agreed to make pancakes for one breakfast and that we would do it properly and legitimately, and not with pancake mix or some other product to make 'easy' pancakes. We were gonna use the proper ingredients too, with my mother's permission. Eggs, milk, flour and whatever we wanted to add into our pancakes for a topping. Kizami nodded, slinging a bedsheet over the line and pinching the ends with clothes pegs to secure the sheet in place. Pancakes made a nice change to a traditional Japanese breakfast and we just thought it would be a fun idea. It could go perfectly or end in a mess. 

Finishing up, all the clothes and towels and bedding were finally hung up and calmy swaying in the summer breeze. Kizami picked up the basket as we went back inside to start cooking. I shivered as we entered the warmth of the house. Hopefully it wouldn't rain today, that would be disasterous for the newly washed laundry. "Right,". I began, clapping my hands together as I stood in front of the stove. "Let's get out what we need and just begin, 'cause I'm starving". I said bluntly, opening up the couboards and the fridge to take out what I needed. A pan, a mixing bowl, a mixer, eggs, flour, milk, some oil for the pan and our own special additions to our breakfast. "For my special ingredient, I'm gonna add whipped cream and chocolate shreds". It would be a delicious masterpiece. "What about you, Kizami?" "Just cream and strawberries". These sounded fantastic, although Kizami's sounded healthy with the strawberries and all. "I'm actually having a fruit salad on the side since I'm going to make small pancakes". "What? Seriously? Make big, flat ones like I am. It'll fill you up and give you energy for the day". "That's why I'm having fruit". I furrowed my brows. Maybe it was just because I had a sweet tooth, that's why I tried to convince Kizami to make bigger ones. "Fine, it's your breakfast anyway and sounds delicious". "Are we having tea, coffee or just juice with it?" Kizami asked as he looked throughthe cuboards abouve his head. "Hmm...Just juice today. There's some orange in the fridge door". Kizami moved over tothe fridge as I stirred the added ingredients into the mixing bowl. He took out the carton of smooth orange juice and two glasses, pouring a fair amount into each. Kizami then prepared the stove and the pan as I continued to stir the contents into a smooth mixture. I poured it in to fill the bottom layer of the pan. "Might wanna get another one". I said, preparing more mixture. We eventually had two pans going under the heat. One had two small pancakes, for Kizami, and the other had one bigger pancake, for me. I was planning on having at least three pancakes while Kizami was planning on having three smaller ones with fruit on the side.

My stomach grumbled and growled as the pleasant smell of pancakes filled up the whole kitchen. Kizami chuckled. "Haha, you're really hungry, huh?" I nodded, pushing my bottom lip out and making the best puppy dog eyes I could. "What do youwant me to do about it? Yours is ready, anyway". I smiled then, tending to the golden brown pancake as it was perfectly cooked. I scooped it up with a spatula and carefully shuffled it onto my plate. But I still had two to make, as did Kizami but his wouldn't take as long to cook. He placed his first two onto his plate next to eachother, and then started his last one. I started my second one, flipping it as it cooked through. 

We eventually had our breakfast prepared and served, spraying whipped cream over the top. I added my shreds of milk chocolate after grating it and Kizami added his cut up pieces of strawberry. True masterpieces. After saying thanks, it was time to eat up. I covered my mouth as I chewed my first bite, swallowing with bliss. "So good~". These were most definitely the best pancakes that I ever had. "They are good, if I say so myself". Kizami smiled, taking another piece of his pancakes. I didn't hesitate to eat up, but still showed manners at the table. I looked to Kizami, and grinned with mischevious eyes. He...He had some cream on the corner of his lips and didn't notice. It was kind of cute. "Hey, Kizami~". I caught his attention, recieving a puzzled look that I could not take seriously. "What is it?" I held in my laughter. "You, um...H-here, let me get it". I swiped my thumb slowly over the corner of his lips, picking up the drop of cream. When Kizami realised, he looked a bit flustered, which was also so cute! His face actually turned red when I licked it off my thumb, licking my lips after. Aww, he was embarrassed by such a silly thing~. Teasing eachother was becoming normal and fun for us both, even if either of us was the one being teased. Kizami wore a small smile even if his cheeks were a little red. "Hey, Kurosaki". "What...?" I asked as I pierced another slice of pancake onto my fork. "You have some too, on your lips". "Huh? Where?" I reached for my lips, only for Kizami to grab my hand. He raised his other hand, the thumb sticking out with a drop of cream on it. With a smirk, he scaled his thumb over my bottom lip before leaning in and kissing my lips. I was kinda surprised but also excited as I squeezed my eyes shut. I got a little tense when I felt his tongue slide along my bottom lip and picking up the cream. When he pulled away, the ticklish sensation lingering, Kizami licked his lips with the smirk still across them. I was a little embarrassed too. Kizami was getting quite cocky with his actions. 

We helped eachother clean up the dishes before washing ourselves and changing. There were chores to do, afterall. I took out a few cleaning products from the kitchen and rolled up my sleeves. Kizami offered to take care of the vaccuming while I cleared any dust from shelves or tables. Carefully, I moved ornaments and books before wiping off any dust particles that clouded the furniture. The loud booming of the vaccum cleaner filled the room as Kizami went over the flooring. This was becoming normal, and I liked that. Kizami was doing all he could to help out which was greatly appreciated by me and my parents. When they were both working I used to do all the chores, which I didn't mind at all. I love doing chores, but having Kizami to help made it more fun. We took a break after a while, the atmoshpere of a busy and productive morning settling into calmness and relaxation. We still had to clean our rooms and the bathroom, also having to make lunch for ourselves before Mom and Dad got back for dinner. Sitting on the sofa, I rubbed my eyes to disgard any sleep that remained. Kizami yawned, sounding tired himself. We did just do chores for a little while so a break was needed. I looked to Kizami, seeing him rub his eyes. He looked tired. "Kizami, you okay?" "Y-yeah, I'm still getting used to sleeping in a different room, as comfortable as I am living here". I suspected that would happen. I used to get that when I spent the night in a hotel or when I first slept over at Kizami's house. And unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room. It can't be helped if he finds it a little hard to sleep at night. "Well, if that's the case...". I began, an idea drifting into my thoughts. "Want company tonight?" Kizami looked at me, a little speechless but with a lack of reaction. I understood that. It wouldn't be the first time we ever shared a bed. "Are you sure? I wouldn't want to keep you from your bed". "Shush, we've shared a bed before and your room is right next to mine, so what's the problem?" "I guess you're right. But it's only until I'm fully settled". "Of course". Kizami would still need to get used to some things before he felt at home. His new bed, new room, storage of basic things, and so on. He would also have to get used to sharing holidays with me and my parents. Christmas, summer vacation. We could spend a lot of time together over the next year or so. 

"I'll get some soda for us, okay?" Kizami offered, getting up to head to the kitchen. "Okay, sure. Thanks". I sat back, turning on the television. A few relaxing minutes couldn't hurt. "Uh, Kurosaki?" Kizami poked his head out from the hallway to see me. "What is it?" "Um, where do you keep the soda in your fridge?" I paused for a moment before giggling and shaking my head. I got up to show him myself. Yep, there would have to be a lot for him to get used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this was so late, I was too tired to keep up to date but it's here now and it's really lazy.


	32. Living Together - Part 3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last of these, then I'll move on to some proper story stuff.

Kizami's POV

Waiting at the shoe lockers, I watch out for Kurosaki who's just returning from baseball club. I sat and watched for a while until it ended, now changing my shoes and awaiting for him to come down the hallway to meet me. For a brief moment, I imagined him waving to me in the field and I smiled. He's so cute, I thought as I closed my locker. Just as I did, I heard footsteps come down the hallway. Upon reflex, I looked up. It was dissapointing to see a few students from the baseball club come to change their shoes and go home. I was obviously expecting Kurosaki. I waited for a few more minutes, my legs feeling a little tiredfrom standing in the same place for too long. That is until I heard another pair of footsteps coming down the hallway. I lazily looked up, my attention finally sparking as I saw that it was Kurosaki. He looked a little puzzled, but then smiled. "Kizami, you didn't have to wait for me". "I know I didn't, but I wanted to". "Dummy...". Kurosaki changed his shoes quickly from his locker, coming back up to me to kiss my cheek. "Are we going? My Mom said that she left dinner for us before she left with Dad". "Where are they going?" "Just out to dinner. It's good that they're still romantic with eachother, that way you and I can be alone and have our own romantic dinner of rice balls". I chuckled at that. No doubt that Kurosaki's mother would leave us something simple like that for dinner. 

"So, how was practice?" "Pretty good, you would know since you were watching. Didn't you get bored?" "No. Seeing you smile and have fun is nice". "So mushy. Well, honestly, I guess I feel the same about you. It used to be so rare for you to crack a smile, but now you smile all the time. That makes me happy". "Now who's the mushy one?" Kurosaki gave me a light nudge with his elbow, a smirk on his lips. I replied with another chuckle. Kurosaki was right. I did smile more often, and none of them were fake like before. I smiled honestly, honestly laughing and having fun. "Let's hurry home. You must be tired". Kurosaki nodded in agreement, yawning. Rest was the best thing for him. Some dinner, a bath and then bed. Speaking of which, Kurosaki has slept in my bed a few times since I haven't gotten used to the new enviroment yet. With the new room and new bed, I'm a bit restless. That is unless Kurosaki is there with me. Having his warmth and his sweet smell beside me, I drift off into dreamland with very little difficulty. I found myself looking forward to it often during the day. Tonight would be no different. 

Entering the house, we slipped off our shoes and stored our bags in the living area. Kurosaki took off his blazor with a tired sigh, rolling his shoulders and neck to hear them crack. I folded my blazor and placed it on the sofa in the living room before we both went to the kitchen. Just outside, in the hallway, a pleasant scent drifted from the kitchen. Kurosaki entered first, removing the lid from a pot positioned on top of the stove. Of course, it appeared to be boiling. "Great, Mom made miso soup for us. She's the best". Kurosaki's Mom was very kind and considerate. She was certainly kind enough to let me stay here for as long as I needed, Kurosaki's father too. Kurosaki took a brief whiff of the soup with a pleasant sigh. He rolled up his sleeves and grabbed a ladle from the rack above his head. "Kizami, could you get the rice balls out? Oh, also, could you get two bowls for the soup?" "Yeah, just getting them". I took the ready-made rice balls out of the refridgerator, seeing as they had been covered in plastic wrap individually I put them in the microwave to be heated. While they cooked, I took out two bowls for the soup. This was going to be a simple meal but it would definitely be good. Kurosaki stirred the soup for a little while longer before taking a taste test. "Yep, that's perfect". He poured a decent amount of soup into both bowls, the microwave dinging to signal that the rest of our meal was finished. "We should have plenty for seconds if we want, right?" I asked serving the soup and the rice balls at the table as Kurosaki got out napkins. "Yep, there should be plenty. I told you once before, my Mom makes too much food". I vaguely remembered that. Kurosaki invited me over for lunch and said that exact thing. His mother has a habit of making too much food, even with such a simple dish. That was way back when my prents abandoned me and I wandered out into the rain. Kurosaki showed up and comforted me. That was the first time that I ever felt grateful for his friendship. 

We sat at the table, clasping our hands before beginning. "Thanks for the meal". Kurosaki unwrapped his first rice ball, taking a bite. "Hmm...Itch nat ash good ash...". He took a moment to gulp down his first bite. "Excuse me. It's not as good as when it's fresh, but it's still pretty tastey". "It is, and don't talk with your mouth full". I said, wiping a grain of rice from the corner of Kurosaki's lips. Such a messy eater. "Hehe, sorry". He rubbed the nape of his neck bashfully, disregarding it in the next minute to continue eating. As active as he was, Kurosaki really liked food. "Hey, Kurosaki". "Hmn? What is it?" "Exams are coming up in July again, so...". "Yeah, so? Are you anxious?" "No, nothing like that. It's just...We're recieving more grades through every exam, and more qualifications. Those will lead to a career path someday". "Yeah, that's true. Have you given yours any thought?" We were in our second year of high school, closing in on our final year. This meant career councilling and researching universities and required qualifications for a certain subject to major in. Even though it was only our second year, time flies by that year. "I actually thought about going into business". "Seriously? How mundane, but I suppose business suits you with your brains". I did get good grades and could follow a task easily so I was definitely capable of office work. "How about you?" I asked, taking a sip of my miso soup. "Hmmn...I'm thinking about continuing athletics in college. Of course, I'll pay attention to recieve basic skills if I want a practical job. But I kinda want to get into sport. My dream is to cycle crosscountry, but I was thinking about taking a job were I could work with kids". "You want to work with kids?" "Yeah, like, at the swimming centre or in track teams. I want to help kids enjoy sport and to keep active". "That's quite interesting. I never knew you liked children". "Well, I've always wanted a sibling so it's only natural. Don't you like kids?" "Not really, if I'm honest". "Liar...". I was a little puzzled by that. 

"How am I lying?" "You don't remember? When we were kids, you used to tell me all the time that you wanted a younger sibling. It was almost an obsession. I guess you grew out of that, now". Younger sibling? I totally forgot about that. I really did want a younger sibling to take care of and watch over. I forgot about it, ever since I started dating Kurosaki. I suppose, being with him, it doesn't matter. I wanted a younger sibling to love and feel needed. But now...Now that I have Kurosaki, I really feel like I matter, that someone cares about me in an equal manner. I'm neither looked down upon nor do I have anyone to look up to me. We're equal, while feeling special at the same time. I didn't need a younger brother or sister to feel that way. It's all been Kurosaki and his kindness. "So, should I put on some tea?" Kurosaki asked, snapping me out of my train of thought. "Uh, yeah, sure". He got up, setting up the kettle on top of the stove to boil some water. I stared at his back for several uncounted seconds. He's gotten a lot taller since we were children, his shoulders have broadened. Hm, and his hair is naturally spiked up unlike when we were little. From this angle, it's unusual but, Kurosaki looked very mature.

Cleaning up didn't take too long since we both washed the dishes and cleared everything away. Kurosaki's parents would be home in a few more hours so we had the house to ourselves in that time. Together, we took a bath and, seperately, changed our clothes for bed. But we decided to stay up for a little while longer before sleeping. So we grabbed ourselves a cup of green tea and watched some random channel on the television. It wasn't incredibly entertaining, but it was nice and relaxing for us as a couple. "Oh, I almost forgot. In fact, it just came to mind now". "Hm? What's wrong?" "I, uh, I got in contact with Minami-chan". The chairmen of the youth club we went to. Kurosaki and I grew distant from it without realising. I guess we were caught up in quite a few things. The move, studies and so on. "What did you talk about?" "She asked why we haven't been showing up and I said there was a lot going on right now. She said she understood and that there was nothing to worry about, we just left without saying goodbye". "I see. Are we going to visit again?" "Probably, just to hang out with everyone again. I'm sure they would like that". "I guess so. But we can't be a part of that group forever". We would leave high school soon and move onto college or university, like the rest of them. We might not see them again within the group, or ever again depending on circumstances. "I know, but I'd like to think of them as old friends since they helped us a lot". "You're right, they did help. But we can't gain confidence from them forever. When we're older, we'll be more mature and do all sorts in our relationship, right?" I kissed Kurosaki on the lips, the soft fragrance of his tea surfacing those pink lips. "Are you suggesting something perverted again?" Kurosaki asked with a smirk. "Maybe. I can't really hide it, can I?" Without a reply, Kurosaki kissed me first, only to have me kiss back. The actions repeated until I lowered Kurosaki onto the floor for a deeper and more passionate kiss. 

Our tongues found eachother, tangling and wrestling for a predictable result. I ended up dominating, exploring Kurosaki's mouth with my tongue. We had done this several times, but it never gets old. To feel the heat grow on eachothers faces, as well as the pounding of our hearts. I cheekily slipped my hand under Kurosaki's t-shirt to feel his skin fluster under my warm touch. I could feel him shiver through me fingers. "Mmn...Kizami...". Kurosaki was able to moan, the wet sound emitting from our lips releasing, once the kiss ended. He turned his head away, giving me access to his smooth neck of delicate skin. It bruised like a peach when I sucked too hard, so I was gentle. I licked a spot on his neck, being my way of making my mark on him before getting to the fun part. Kurosaki gripped my shirt, letting out moans that he failed to hide as he bit his bottom lip. "Hnn, nn, Kizami...". He repeated my name as I placed kisses around that wet spot. Giving Kurosaki hickeys was becoming a tendency of mine. It was my way of marking him, a good reminder that I was his first to mark him and that he was mine. I nipped at that spot once, causing Kurosaki to flinch as the electricity of the action ran through his body. I then placed my lips and tongue on it, sucking and licking gently so that I didn't leave an embarrassing mark. With my free hand I locked fingers with Kurosaki to relax him. He held my hand in his, and vise versa. He stopped hiding, his head moving back as I lightly marked his neck. "Mn, K-Kizami...". He wrapped his arm around my neck, running his finhers through my hair. "Kizami...". He repeated once more. "I...". Just then, so suddenly, there was a click. Followed by more noises, and what sounded like footsteps. We were so caught up in what we were doing that we almost didn't notice Kurosaki's parents arrive home. "We're home. Did you kids have fun while we-haah!" There was a thud of shopping bags hitting the wooden floors, and Kurosaki's mother gasping from surprise. I raised my head upon reflex, Kurosaki not moving an inch from the shock and humiliation. This looked...totally wrong. This was a misunderstanding. Kurosaki's father then walked in to see what all the fuss was about, shortly recieving an answer. "Honey, what's going on-oh, god...Oh, my...". He covered his mouth pon seeing us. I was on top of Kurosaki, with my hand up his shirt, and a distant marking on his neck. There was silence for an undetermined amount of time. A long, awkward silence. Kurosaki put his head at an angle so that he could see his parents, or at least their feet. "H-Hi, Mom, Dad". Acting casual wouldn't get us out of this mess. Definitely not. 

The next morning, Kurosaki's parents sat us both down at breakfast to talk. All four of us were there at the dining table, silence filling the room. His parents eventually whispered to eachother, which we both heard. "Should I talk or should you?" "I-I'll do it, as Kensuke's mother". She cleared her throat before speaking sheepishly. "U-um, boys, wh-whatever happened last night is between you both. It's none of our business how passionate you are with eachother". Kurosaki's face turned bright red. This was so awkward, for me too. But we remained silent as she continued. "Kensuke, as your parents, we want what's best for you and we want you to be happy, but most importantly...we want you to be safe". Why did I have a hunch about where this conversation was going? "I-I know, guys. But last night was-". "Please let us finish, son". Kurosaki was interupted by his father, who then spoke up. "Since we want you to be safe, we thought it was only right that we guide you both the right way. Just know, Kensuke, we love you no matter what. And, Yuuya, we think of you as part of the family so we care deeply for your safety too. U-um, here. This is for you both". Kurosaki's father took out two items, both of which bringing confusion and embarrassment to my thoughts. They were a...pack of condoms, and a bottle of lube. I could sense Kurosaki's blush intensify at the sight of these two items. Such good parents, such brave parents to purchase such lewd items. I had gained a lot of respect for them in those few seconds, despite the mortifying situation. "Gh...I-I...". Kurosaki was absolutely speechless. So much so that I found it a little amusing. "You, you...You guys!" As if giving up, Kurosaki buried his face in his hands with a painful slap. His face was red, right up to his ears and down to his neck. I could barely hold back. "Pfft...fufufu...kuku, haha, hahaha...". Kurosaki slowly raised his head to look at me. This situation...It was too ridiculous. But I attempted to hold back my laughter, almost choking on it. "S-sorry, I...". "Haha...hahaha...". Then it happened. Kurosaki's mother started giggling, covering her mouth to stifle her laughter. But then the father joined in. This was quite amusing, as silly as it was to laugh about. Kurosaki even smiled a little, his cheeks fading back into a distant blush as he scratched his cheek awkwardly. I chuckled quietly. This situation, this atmoshpere...It was so amazing. I had never been this cheerful with a family before. These people...they were the most family that I've had in years. "W-we're sorry, boys. But I feel like we just misunderstood the situation?" I nodded. "Y-yeah...". "Then I guess we should forget about it, but still...". Kurosaki's father pushed the items towards us. "Just in case...". His parents both stood to get breakfast from the stove. Kurosaki and I looked at the items, and then at eachother. We shared a grin, feeling a bit silly. We wouldn't need the items, it wasn't our time yet. Yes, yet. One day, but not now. Kurosaki got up to help with setting the table, kissing my cheek. Once he turned his back, I took the items and slipped them into my baggy pockets. It wasn't like we wouldn't use them at all, right?


	33. Looking Back On It...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm back. Uh, for me to write this, I have to do some research on Japan and schools over there. Summer vacation, the semesters and the start of the school year. I failed at that, so some things in the story will have changed. I'm sorry, but maybe no one noticed and no one cares. But I don't want to write something that's totally inaccurate. You can understand that, right? Anyway, some things have probably changed in earlier chapters because I'm an idiot, and let's get started.

Kurosaki's POV

September came around, another autumn. Summer was over already and work was once again beginning. Throughout summer vacation, I spent time with Kizami at home, our home. Things are calm and relaxing. Kizami, however, hasn't spoken to his family since the move. I'm at a crossroads as to whether that's for the best or if he needs closure. But I feel that I'm leaning more towards the former. Kizami doesn't have to speak to his family, he doesn't need to. These thoughts came to mind as I did some late night reading. I looked through the last photo album that Haruna gave to me. These were when Kizami was a toddler, learning to walk and learn all sorts of things. He was still as cute as ever in each photo, a little chubby too. Then again, all babies are. I couldn't stop smiling as I looked through each one, carefully turning the pages and sometimes allowing an 'aww' to escape my lips. Kizami used to smile so brightly as a kid. He had a wonderful smile, his siblings and parents too. I had never seen them smile so happily. They were like any other happy family. So why did that have to change? It wasn't Kizami's fault, not at all. Couldn't they have been kinder? Thinking about it then, it seemed so unfair. My smile disappeared. He was surely happy now, but all these memories...Kizami didn't forget them, did he? 

My thoughts came to a halt when I heard a familiar giggle from downstairs, my Mom's. I closed the album and got up to see what was going on. Slowly I treaded downstairs in the dim light, the night sky clear through every window I passed by. There was soon distant mumbling of two voices. My Mom's and...Kizami's? I approuched the living room where their voices were more clear. Upon entering, without announcing myself, I saw them both sitting on the couch side-by-side. Kizami looked huge in comparison, that was one of the first thoughts to enter my mind. Then it was curiousity. What were they looking at? They looked down at their laps, studying...a book. It was a wide and flat book. I could vaguely see pictures and-"Haah...!" I gasped, making my presence clear as they both turned their heads towards me. I covered my mouth with one hand, pointing at them with the other. "Oh, speak of the devil". My mother was completely ignoring my reaction as she smiled happily. "I thought I would show Yuuya some old photos of you when you were a baby, Kensuke". "You...You...!" My face flushed. My baby pictures...I saw them myself once, they were mortifying-I couldn't even look most of the time! And now Kizami saw them...Why? Kizami looked totally indifferent to the situation, staring at me. He then smiled when my face grew visibly hot with embarrassment. "Well, Kurosaki, I think you look very cute". "S-stop looking at my baby pictures! I-It's not cute!" "I wasn't talking about the pictures, silly". Kizami got up to kiss my temple. Not in front of my Mom after you said something like that! My heart and face felt like they could melt. "I also think you're pictures are cute". Kizami whispered in my ear, and I knew he was smirking. "Come on, Kensuke. Come reminisce. I was just telling Yuuya about your favorite toys". I tensed up, wanting to leave until Kizami held my hand. He took me to the sofa without a word and sat me down next to him. We were so close together, close enough so that he could wrap his strong arm around me, kissing my temple again as if to relax me. It wasn't working, but I appreciated his affectionate gesture. I looked over the pictures, cringing. Why was this happening? Was this karma for hiding Kizami's pictures from him? Oh. My. God-it is. 

That night, after the embarrassing show-and-tell, Kizami and I headed to our rooms for the night. But before I headed into my room, Kizami softly called my name. I turned towards him, unaware of his next choice of words. "I, uh...Do you like the pictures?" I didn't quite follow at first, thinking that he meant my baby pictures. Then it slowly caught on. "O-oh...Do you mean...?" "Yeah, my pictures". He knew that I had them, but how? "I wouldn't say I like them. I guess I feel comfortable and sad about them at the same time. Besides, that's not the point. I shouldn't have kept it a secret, even though your reaction would be unpredictable, so-". "Kurosaki...". Kizami called my name softly again, making me feel like I said too much. "It doesn't matter". I was slightly taken aback by that response. "The past will forever be in the past, so don't worry about it. But, do you think...Is it okay if we look through them tonight before bed? All of them". He seemed anxious. What was his reason? Isn't he condradicting what he said earlier? Or was this Kizami's...closure? I wasn't sure how but I wanted to figure it out and feel at ease. I didn't want Kizami to feel uncomfortable or anything of the sort.

Kizami looked through each picture quietly, turning the pages at his own pace and with a blank expression. It worried me. What exactly was going through his mind as he saw the forgotten past before him? I couldn't say and was scared to ask. He hesitated sometimes, his eyes sometimes affixed on a certain photograph. He either remembered those moments vaguely or it was something I couldn't possibly understand. His body language was quite unclear. He wasn't embarrassed by these pictures, or even sorrowful about the past. I wasn't entirely sure how he was feeling. "This picture...". Kizami finally spoke in a low and quiet voice, something just above a whisper. He traced his fingers over the plastic covering, the photo underneath depicting his whole family sitting on a picnic blanket under the shade of a tree. The sun was bright and everyone was smiling. Kizami looked so cute with a smile. He stared at the photo with an expression that I couldn't read, but it seemed different from his previous one. He showed more care, more thought on the picture in front of him. "Do you remember it?" I asked. "Vaguely. But I remember how happy I was, how happy my family was. It was the first time I could eat solid food instead of formula". "Formula...?" Kizami nodded. "I was...never breastfed". That was normal for some infants, but the way Kizami said it seemed as if he was missing something in his life. "It's silly, but I read that it builds a bond between the mother and her baby. If that isn't foreshadowing then I don't know what is". It was meant to be a joke, but Kizami knew this was a serious topic for him. "Psychologically, the relationship between parents and their child can have a great effect in later years. Depending on how the parents treat their child, that child can develope certain traits. I resented my parents at a young age because I thought they always loved my siblings more, and I confirmed that when...". Kizami stopped, shutting the book over and holding it close to his chest. "Thank you for letting me see these, Kurosaki. I think I feel better". "How? Don't lie, Kizami. I'm sorry, but it hurts, doesn't it?" Kizami didn't answer right away. "Doesn't it?" I spoke clearly this time, grabbing Kizami's attention. "...I guess so, but I finally looked back and I accepted it. I can't change anything in my past, but this means nothing about my future". He was right about that, but isn't he sad about his parents? Isn't he angry? "Kurosaki...". I looked at Kizami, a smile on his lips. "Don't worry about me. The past is in the past. It may hurt to think about this sort of thing...How my parents used to love me and abandoned that because of the way I was, how my siblings pressured me to behave and be someone I'm not. I don't need to think of it anymore. I only hve what's in the present and what's in the future now, with you". My heart skipped a beat. Such cool words from Kizami.... 

"W-with me?" I asked, feeling nervous. "If that's alright. I would like to be with you for a while longer, and make plenty of memories so I can look back at the past, and it won't hurt". I thought of that for a moment, coming up with an idea. "Hey, Kizami, you still have that picture from our very first date, right?" "Of course. I keep it in my wallet". "Okay, perfect". "Why? What for?" Wasn't it obvious? "Let's make a photo album together". "Huh...?" "A photo album! I have plenty of pictures from when we were kids, and all those times we took photos at home or on dates". "There aren't many of those...". "We can make more". I insisted, taking hold of Kizami's hands. "We can make loads more memories and look back on it one day". "Really? Well, that's...". "A great idea, right?" Kizami smiled again, his surprise fading away. "Oh, Kurosaki...". Kizami suddenly wrapped his arms around me, the album on his lap falling to the floor. He didn't care, though. He held me tightly, thanking me for my suggestion. It wasn't really a big deal to me, I just wanted Kizami to be happy. His warmth embraced me. It had done so many times as Kizami finally opened up and began showing affection. He never used to like hugs, they made him uncomfortable. Now, he shows to me when he can, but not too much of course. Kizami ran his fingers through my hair, kissing me over and over again on the cheek, lips and even the bridge of my nose. It made me giggle. "I'm so lucky to have you, Kurosaki. Not just as my lover. You're the bestest friend that I've ever had, even now". That warmed my heart. We were still like best friends, but we were a couple. A couple of best friends, perhaps. If I could always help Kizami feel this happy, I would be just as happy. Seeing him smile is a joy, something precious that should never fade in my memory. I want him to always be this happy. 

The very next afternoon, after school, we stopped by a stationery store that sold things like notebooks and photo albums, which was perfect. We agreed to start filling up the pages as soon as we got home. "This is a great idea". I said, picking out the photo album with the most pages. "We can even be creative with it, if you like". "What do you mean? Personalise it?" "Yeah, illistrations and everything. I'm pretty good at art". "I'm not...". "Don't be modest. I remember the macaroni frame you made in pre-school, a masterpiece". Kizami chuckled at that. To be honest, Kizami was talented in art, although it wasn't his favourite subject. He drew really well in the exams, even though neither of us didn't take it too seriously. After all, we only concentrate on English, Japanese, Math, Science and Social Studies. Anyway, we paid for the album and walked out of the store, the bag in Kizami's hand. "Wanna get some snacks while we're out?" I asked, stretching. "Sure, why not? But shouldn't we wait until dinner to eat them?" "Of course. After dinner and washing up, we'll fill the pages". "Great. Thank you, again, Kurosaki". "It's no problem. This'll be fun anyway. Loads of fun. We can reminisce and lose our minds together". "What...?" "Nevermind. It'll just be a chance to bond over the past. You were such a Tsundere when we were kids". "I was, wasn't I?" "Yep...". I chuckled when I remember how flustered Kizami used to get. It was always cute. He would go all red, right upto his ears as he called me an idiot for saying something embarrassing. He's really grown up since then, as I have. 

The usual routine of the evening went on before we went to Kizami's room. We layed out the snacks and the photographs in front of us, lying on our stomachs as we sorted each into each platic covering. "Ah, remember this?" I showed Kizami one of the pictures from winter. Our neighbourhood built snowmen in the park, mostly kids, and Kizami and I took part as a team. You could see Kizami sulking as he patted down snow. "Yeah, I remember. I was really grumpy, huh?" "Yeah, but you admitted that you had fun later that day". "No I didn't". "Huh...?" "I said that it was a pain, but thanked you fordragging me out of the house. I would rather be out in the cold than stay there". I looked at the photo, a smile fading onto my lips, before slipping it with the other ones. "Alright, next page". I said as I turned toour third page. We didn't have a lot of photos, but they all mattered. They were all precious memories. I cracked a potato chip as I bit into it, looking over another photo. It was during the summer of junior high. Mom took a picture of us in our new uniforms. Kizami looked at it, away from his with a smirk. "Hm, look at you're goddamn hair". That was the first thing he says?! "Y-yeah, what about it?!" "It looks like it has a emotion and was having down-day". "Shut up, you're hair looks like a cross of bedhead-emo". "Hey, that's mean". Our hair did look a little ridiculous, but we were growing up. Kizami draped his arm over my back as he moved in closer, his cheek very close to mine. "Wow...We look really young, don't we?" "Yeah, well, it's only been a few years so we don't look that young". "You do, with you're cute baby face". "I do not have a baby face". "Yes, you do". That's what my parents always say. Apparently, I have an adorable baby face. Yeah, right. "How do I have a baby face?" I looked to Kizami, who also turned to look at me. Our noses touched, and Kizami playfully rubbed them together. "Well...I'd say it's you're eyes". "My eyes?" "Yeah, they're big and cute. That's why you have a baby face". Kizami stopped rubbing our noses together. 

He looked back at the photo. "We were, uh, still best friends back then". "Don't say that, nothing's changed. Even though we are a couple, you're still my best friend, Kizami. Nothing will ever change that". "Yeah, I suppose". I slipped the photo into a plastic cover, continuing to look through the other pictures as Kizami was. "Hey, Kurosaki?" "Yeah...?" "Do you have those picture with you? You know, THOSE photos?" "Oh, yeah. Where do you wanna put them?" "How about we stick them at the front, next to the first page?" "Okay...". I got up from my comfortable position, heading for my desk drawer as Kizami took out his wallet. I got out a stick of glue and the small set of pictures from our first date. Kizami turned to the front page once I settled down again. We would be using the blank side, with no plastic covers, to stick down those pictures. I glued the back of both, placing them in the blank space and gently wiping so that they stuck. "We can decorate around them like kids and make it really lovey-dovey". "Whatever you want, Kurosaki". Kizami smirked, biting off another piece of chocolate. "Let's keep filling the pages. We only have a few more left". "You make it sound like work". "It is, but it's good work. Our good work". I looked back at the pictures of us, once cramped in a girlish photo booth to remember our first date like it was yesterday. I'm sure everyone has had a first date, but our's was so special. It's hard to say why as we didn't do anything special. Right now, it just felt that way. As Kizami sorted through the photos, I took out a red felt tip pen and drew a big heart over our pictures that were side-by-side. I appreciated the simple drawing before going back to sorting the few photoswe had left. 

Our third year would begin soon and the world would keep turning, but it's times like this when you can't help but look back. The years move quickly at our age of adolescence, but everything seemsso long ago. Even now, it will be a distant but unforgettable memory. Nothing would change, but then again so much would go on in our lives. And the third and final year of high school would be just that...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone should draw more fanart of these two...


	34. Time Continues To Move Forward

Kizami's POV

Our third year of high school, the last year until we become fully fledged adults. I've been dating Kurosaki for two years now. Two years...It doesn't sound that long ago since our lives have revolved so quickly. It was October, the month of my birthday. This year it would be my eighteenth. I was becoming a man and would soon venture into the adult world, along with Kurosaki who still remains a year younger. He's seventeen now and will be eighteen by the beginning of the college year. Career councilling has begun at school, so we must decide on a path for ourselves. I have an idea on which university I would like to attend and what kind of career I wish to pursue afterward. I know I'm intelligent so getting into a well-ranked university shouldn't be too hard. There are only A's and B's from my exams, which makes it easier. I have all the proper qualifications to go to university and study Literature or Business. Kurosaki...Well I know he has good qualifications too, but I'm curious as to what he plans to do after high school. I remember vaguely conversing with him about our dream jobs and what our plans are for the future, but that was a few years ago, before we were a couple. 

Since late Autumn had come around again, winter uniforms were now being worn. Time really does fly, doesn't it? As we walked to school, Kurosaki buried his nose into his scarf. He was wearing a heavy coat and the scarf that I bought for him a while back. He got one for me too. It was getting colder so I had no choice but to unroll my sleeves and button up my shirt, still keeping my blazor over my right shoulder. I adjusted the bag over my left shoulder, in case it could fall off. I spotted Kurosaki next to me with his head turned towards a building. It raised my curiousity as I looked over with him. "Isn't that our old elementary school?" I asked him. He stopped, turning his head back to face the path in front of us. "Yeah, it is. It's October so I suppose the kids will be having a sport's day outside". "Yeah, while we prepare for midterms". We continued walking after a moment of memory to pass us by. "Speaking of which, Mitsuki said we could use the student council room for a study period at lunch. Do you wanna?" "Sure, okay. We can catch up on studying Science while we're there". "Good plan. Alright, then". Talking bout studying and miterms was normal. When they were slowly approuching it was all about planning study periods and certain sections of a particular subject. We barely had enough time to do anything else. But these would be our final midterms, and our final exams until university. That may not be the case for some students who wish to work right away, but for me and Kurosaki we'll have a few more exams and study periods to go through. Although, there's just one thing...Where is Kurosaki planning to go for college or university? 

"Stand...Bow". The class president declared, as of every morning when the teacher walked in to start the morning class. We all sat back down at our seats, the teacher beginning his lesson. "Alright, class. Midterms are coming up, and for some of you it will be your last. That being said, I think it's time for you all to fill out these forms for a chosen career or college. Be as honest as possible and try not to leave anything blank. Your homeroom teacher or a careers councillor will discuss it with you". Students at the front picked up a form, passing one to the student behind until everyone from the back to the front had a form. I scimmed over it for a moment before picking up my pencil. I had an idea for a few universities that I was capable of getting into, and a few future career ideas that I was confident of persuing. For a moment, I looked around the room. Most of the students were writing like crazy, filling in each blank space, while others were frozen and unable to write anything down. They looked quite anxious. Then I looked to Kurosaki. He was writing, of course. Kurosaki loves to work so I was sure he was positve to get a good work placement or able to attend a decent university, with his good grades. I went back to my paper, filling in each blank space. Qualifications, recent exam scores, experience of work, and future dream. I wrote everything I could until it was time to hand in our papers. I sighed with content. When I would be questioned about it, I could be positive and say that I was determined to get a placement and attend a good university. I was strangely motivated by the possibilities. I looked to Kurosaki. He looked quite cheery about his. That was good, while other students looked quite anxious or disappointed. The future couldn't be told so easily, so they had a right to be anxious. Whether they could find a decent job or college was up to them. I suppose I could relax now, if only for a few moments until our study period. 

When lunchtime approuched, Kurosaki and I headed to the student council room with our lunches in hand. "How's the cooking?" I asked, seeing as Kurosaki made his own lunch with me last night. "Great, thanks to you. You'd make a great Home Economics teacher". "No thank you. I'll stick to persuing an office job somewhere". "Maybe you can do better than an office job". "Perhaps, but right now it has to be something practica, something to buy groceries, clothes and to pay rent with". "I see you're point. Hopefully I can get my dream job. I want to work in an athletic career, or maybe just manual labour. I'd love that". "I know you would". We entered the student council room, Yamamoto and Fukuroi being the only one's there. The desks were littered with books and reference notes that we took in class. They were eating lunch at the moment, while also looking over everything. "Oh, hey you love birds". Yamamoto greeted, wiggling her eyebrows. "M-Mitsuki...!" Kurosaki cried in a hushed tone, looking back at the door to make sure it was closed. "What? Don't worry, I won't tell anyone and I still haven't told anyone". Kurosaki sighed, sitting at one of the many spare desks. Not a lot of people were a member of the student council, it was mostly those two. I sat next to Kurosaki, unwrapping my lunch and getting out the required books and notes for our study session. Yamamoto eyed us both with a cat-like grin. "Soooo...How far have you two gone yet?" Kurosaki coughed, choking on the rice ball that he took a bite out of. "Kurosaki...!" I gently patted his back, offering him strawberry juice when he calmed down. "Thanks, Kizami. M-Mitsuki!" "What? I have to ask, since you two are so cute together~". Cute? That was the first time I heard such a comment that wasn't from Kurosaki or myself. We're cute together? "C-come on, not here". "Why not? I'm curious. Did you do the do?" "N-no! Anyway, that's none of you're business!" It's true that we haven't consummated yet and haven't thought about doing so. I was eighteen and Kurosaki would be eighteen soon. Was it best to wait? Probably. Neither of us were ready to do something as intimate yet. It would be too much. At this age, students seem to be having sex right away without thinking about the trust and the bond you're supposed to share with your partner. Kurosaki and I did have trust and a strong bond, but would never induldge in something so vain when we're not emotionally ready. 

"But...haven't you two ever thought about it?" To my surprise, Fukuroi spoke up, albiet with a red face. "Fukuroi? Wow, are you into that too?" "N-no! I just...You two are close enough so shouldn't you...become closer, I suppose?" Kurosaki and I looked at eachother for a moment, a smile appearing across both our lips before turning back towards them. "What are you talking about? Kizami and I can't get any closer than this, besides we're not ready. It might be easy for a man and a woman, but two guys going into that straight away...No, we're saving it. No matter how horny we get!" "Kurosaki...?!" He didn't have to add the last part. "I'm kidding. I know you can't get horny, Kizami". I sighed, not wanting to argue with him. But how would he know if I can become aroused or not? "See? You two are adorable, no matter how different you used to be". That was true. We were an unlikely pair that stayed close to eachother from the beginning. Now we're lovers. That happened because I liked Kurosaki first. I fell for him without realising, and spent too long denying it. Wow, for two years it seems so far away. I changed since then and became a better man. "Mitsuki's right. You two were such an odd pair, but you were always together, ever since elementary school". Elementary school...another time to remember, also appearing so far into the distance. Back then I saw Kurosaki as a bit of a pain, a nuiscence and a sap. But he was kind, and cheerful, and the best friend that I've ever had. We've been through so much in so many years but it's hard to think of just one. How we met, elementary school, junior high, first year of senior high school, our first kiss, when we confessed our feelings, our first date, our first cuddle, our first french kiss, joining a youth group, telling his parents about us, moving in with him and so on with so much more to add. I held the tips of my chopsticks to my lips in thought. Why am I thinking of this now? Why all this?

Walking home together was the routine now. Going to the same house, changing in rooms next to eachother before preparing for dinner. I took out my spare key to unlock the front door, entering and slipping off my shoes. Kurosaki followed, being the one to close the door over before taking off his own shoes. "Mom and Dad should be back for dinner, soooo...". Kurosaki paused, entering the hallway. "What do you wanna do until they get back?" He asked with a deviant look on his face. I knew he was joking but disregarded it. "Studying...". "Huh...?" "We should definitely study. Midterms are coming up and we need all the preperation we can get". "We studied all through lunch, and did plenty of classwork on the topics we need. I know it doesn't sound like me, but can't we take a break?" I sighed. I was tired too, but this year was just as important as the rest. I rubbed my eyes. Even as I said that, we were just back from school. It would be a bad idea to overexert ourselves. "Alright. Let's just rest. We can study again tomorrow". "Thank you. Now, let's get some juice. I'm dying of thirst". I followed Kurosaki into the kitchen, seeing him reach into the fridge for a cold carton of apple juice. He took out two glasses, pouring a fair amount in each. I recieved mine, sipping it while Kurosaki gulped his down. He gave a big sigh once the rim of the glass left his lips. "That's better. Now, how about we just relax until my parents get back? You know, cuddle up, watch television, that sort of thing?" I nodded. "Sounds good. We can change out of our uniforms first and then I'll get a blanket". "Sure thing. Then we can cuddle, but maybe I can cuddle you this time?" "Oh, no. See, I'm too tall. It's not because you're five-foot-six, it's because I'm six-foot-one". Kurosaki stuck out his bottom lip and lowered his eyes, knowing that he'll never grow to my height. I chuckled, kissing his temple to push him from his fake expression. He smiled the next moment, taking my hand and also taking the initiative to lead us upstairs. We headed upstairs to change out of our uniforms to get ready for a relaxing evening. It would be relaxing as we would take a break from studying and taking notes. Most of it was stuck in my head anyway, going around in loops of equations and english phrases that were important for the midterm exam. One night of forgetting all of that was fine. 

After changing I found a spare blanket in one of the sliding closets in the hallway. I crouched down, opened the closet, and dragged out a big woolen blanket with a neat pattern of green and blue going in stripes. We used this sometimes when cuddling, so it was mostly apppropriate for the colder seasons. I held it to my nose, earning a small but enchanting whiff of Kurosaki's natural fragrance. I stood up after the short and pleasant moment to take the woolen sheet downstairs. Kurosaki was already sitting on the sofa with his knees to his chest and his feet sinking into the sofa cushion, flicking though random channels as he waited for me. I sat right beside him, draping the blanket over our legs. Kurosaki curled up into me, leaning into my chest as he shivered from the sudden warmth. Upon holding him in return, I felt that he was quite chilled up so I held him as closely as I could. "Warm enough?" I asked, nuzzling my lips against his ear. He flinched with a cute giggle to follow. "Yeah, thanks". Kurosaki rested his head against my chest as it rose and then fell in a slow motion, my breathig calm but my heart fluttering slightly. 

"Hey, Kizami?" "Yeah...?" "About the form in class today, what was your answer to the question about...what you wanted to do after graduation? I know you want to go to university, but which one?" It was an unexpected question, but it worried me slightly. "Uh, well, I wrote a few answers. I mean, there are quite a few universities in this city but I'll have to pick just one, right?" I was vague about it. Kurosaki may have been worried too, worried about the place I might go for university...or the city I might go to. "I see". I heard Kurosaki chuckle a little. "I'm glad, but promise that you'll do whatever makes you happy". "What's that supposed to mean?" "It means exactly what I said. Go to a university that gives you the qualifications you want and do your best, okay?" This wad all out of the blue, but Kurosaki was surely serious about it. It made me wonder what he wrote on that form. I held him closely again, practically picking him up so I could hug him into my chest. "Woah, Kizami?" I kissed his cheek, then his temple, back to his cheek, his jawline and then down to his neck and shoulder. "Hhn, that tickles. Hey, Kizami...hehe...". I continued to kiss him all over, incidentally pulling him down onto our sides as I kissed him affectionately. "C-come on...cut it out. Th-that tickles". I wrapped my arms around his waist, our legs entangled. I nuzzled my lips into his vulnerable neck, moving my hands and fingers along his sides to purposely tickle him. Kurosaki snorted, giggling and laughing. "C-come on! Haha, s-stop t-tickling me...haha, pfft, haa, haha...K-Kizami-wah!" I blew a short raspberry into his neck, chuckling myself as he curled up. Kurosaki had the most beautiful laugh, and I knew he was very ticklish. I slid my hands up his shirt and resumed tickling. "Hahaha! Hah-haha! S-stop being m-mean, come o-on! I can't breathe". Even as he said those words through his uncontrollable laughter, he smiled happily. 

I eventually stopped, leaving Kurosaki on his back with heavy breath and a smile plastered across his lips. His cheeks were red and his t-shirt was all crinkled. My hands pressed into the couch cushions on either side of his head, my knees pressing also, inbetween his legs. As the excitement wore out from Kurosaki's features he looked up at me, still smiling. Our faces were quite close to eachother as our noses touched. I brushed them together a little, feeling Kurosaki's hands unexpectedly run through the back of my hair. "You're such a bully Kizami, you know I'm ticklish". "But you smiled didn't you? I think you suit a smile better than anything else". "Huh? Did Iook sad or something?" "No, nothing like that. Just...keep smiling, okay? Can you make that promise to me?" "Hm, now I wasted mine". "Haha...". Kurosaki looked serious for a moment before his eyes darted back to mine, a smile back on his lips. "I promise, but I'll mostly be smiling because of you from now on". I chuckled at that cheesy but cute line. Leaning down, I softly kissed his lips. There was no heat or passion to it, just affection and trust. Kurosaki caressed my cheek, running the contents of his knuckles over the skin before cupping it near the cheekbone. I pulled away slowly, the palm of Kurosaki's hand never leaving my cheek. For a moment we stared at eachother, smiles across both our faces, until I decided to speak up. "Now-...". "Kizami, I-...". We interupted eachother, both feeling a little awkward for doing so. "Y-you first, sorry". Kurosaki apologised, his cheeks slighty pink. "N-no, no, you go. I don't mind". We looked into eachothers eyes again, the atmosphere making my heart sink. What was this feeling? Was it nervousness or...the feeling of unease? "Kizami, I-". "We're back". Before Kurosaki could really say whatever was on his mind, the front door clicked open and his mother's voice came through from the hallway. I backed away from our position, Kurosaki following as he sat up. His mother walked into the room, carrying her handbag over the bend of her elbow. "Oh, are we interupting anything?" "No, Mom. Nothing. Are we gonna have dinner now?" "Uh, yeah. Could you boy's help out?" "Sure thing, no problem". I answered, turning into a seating position before getting up. We all went into the kitchen getting out pots and pans and ingredients for tonights dinner. But, naturally, I was thinking about what Kurosaki was going to say to me just then. If it wasn't for the interuption, what would he say? How would I feel about it? What would happen? A nagging curiousity filled my thoughts and I couldn't get rid of it. I had no reason to suspect Kurosaki of telling me anything...bad, per se. It could have been nothing. So why was I so curious? That look on his face was telling me something, but what could it mean? What did he want to tell me with such a serious expression?

Right after dinner I headed upstairs to bring down one of Kurosaki's dvd's for everyone to watch for the evening. I volunteered since I was up anyway and Kurosaki elected me to pick, despite it being his collection of more family friendly films. I entered his room, crouching down by his television and by the collection of films, television series and games. Some were on the floor, open and mixed up. I looked around for something appropriate, also checking the drawers for any spares. Once I looked into the last drawer, I almost forgot that he kept doujinshi in that drawer. And I was about to close it immedietly when I spotted a crumpled up piece of paper in the corner of the drawer. Curiousity peaked itself into my thoughts and I subconsciously picked it up. Sitting down on my rear, I unfolded the ball of paper, somehow entriged as to what the contents were. When I did open it and I scimmed through whatever was written on it, I froze upon realising. This was..."Huh? Why does he...?" The paper was the form we recieved in school this morning, involving our future dream and everything of the sort. Why did he still have it? I looked through the different questions asked and his answers. Somehow, it worried me to see this crumpled up in his room. It seemed so minor but this was Kurosaki we're talking about. He appeared to fill in everything about education, qualifications and work experience. However, the section that asked about plans for after graduation...That shocked me the most. Scribbled out, erased, left blank. He seemed to have written quite a few ideas but gave up on them. Why? I didn't understand. Kurosaki would want to go to college and find an excellent job, so why was this...Why did he...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just added the last paragraph to add more 'story', I suppose, into it. No problem.


	35. For What's To Come

Kurosaki's POV

I only just exited from homeroom after school had finished. My homeroom teacher spoke to me about the form that I didn't hand in and gave me brief lecture on my future, telling me that it was unexpected of me to not answer about my future career. There was so much I was capable of doing, I knew that but...I wasn't sure how I felt at the moment. My thoughts jumped back and forth all day today in worry and anxiety. Never have I felt like this when it involved my future. Why was I feeling like this now after so many years? I couldn't fully understand but I had an idea about why I was so worried. 

As I walked to the train station I kept my head down, my thoughts continuing to jump back and forth until it stopped at a particular place. A flashback, a memory of my childhood. It was during pre-school when we were asked to write about our future dream. I had recently become friends with Kizami back then. I told the teacher and the whole class that I was going to become an athlete, that I was going to make something of myself and be happy. Maybe not those exact words, but the same thing. Kizami said he didn't know what he wanted and a few kids laughed at that, as if he was stupid for saying that. It seems weird now. Kizami is intellligent and capable enough to go into business. He could make something of himself and be happy. Me? What made me hesitate? Why did I feel like whatever I wrote on that form wouldn't make me happy? As I thought all of this, I struggled to swallow the lumps in my throat as I tried to hold back my tears. I really am an idiot. Such an idiot... 

I stopped in the street, near the park that led to the station. I rubbed my eyes, trying to prevent tears, sniffling, and gulping to get rid of the sore lumps that built up in my throat. For the first time in my life I didn't want to think about the future. I raised my head from despair, suddenly hearing a thick clank coming from ahead. It was the sound of a drink can falling into the despenser of a vending machine. When I raised my head, it pushed me to double check that I wasn't crying like a pathetic person. I felt a little pathetic for being so sensitive about things that other peoole would probably find silly. I looked to tne vending machines again, and to the person occupying it. It was Kizami, to my surprise. I thought he would have been on the train by now. He got his drink from the despenser, the cap clicking open. He turned around, placing the can off coffee to his lips. He froze when he saw me, lowering the drink. "Hey, Kurosaki. It took you a while so I left without you. Was that okay?" "Huh? Yeah, of course. I wouldn't like to-mhmn...keep you waiting, anyhow". I cleared my throat in the middle of my sentence, the lumps in my throat blocking out my composure. "I see. Well, I won't question why you had to stick around. You're here now so let's get going". He didn't seem to notice my eyes. They were probably red. Maybe it was the dim sunlight that kept him from noticing. I walked with him, trying to ignore it myself. 

The sun set in the distance throughout our journey to the station. When we got on the train, the sky was a dim orange. The sun was falling slowly behind buildings, which would soon turn to night. I sighed, feeling a little calmer. "Um, Kurosaki, I forgot to ask. What are your plans for the future? I mean, what did you write down on your form?" I froze, panicking in my head. A lot of students were discussing it with eachother yesterday. Of course Kizami would at least ask, I would have if I didn't feel like this. "I-I have a few ideas, we'll just have to see if they work out". I was vague, not exactly answering his question. In other words, I avoided it. "What about you?" I asked. "I have some ideas, too. Universities, courses, careers". My eyes widened a little, but I trued to stay calm. He already had ideas, he knew what he wanted to do. I guess I do too, but I'm hesitating. Why? "Kurosaki, is something wrong?" I looked up to Kizami who was staring out of the window. I looked back to the window as he continued. "You look like you have a lot on your mind, or am I being too pushy?" "N-not at all, don't worry. It's nothing". He sighed, probably thinking that I wasn't fooling anyone. I was overthinking so much, worrying about it. It seemed like it was dumb to so but, for me, it couldn't be helped. The train began to pull up at the station, our station. We would get off, go home and I would pretend that everything was alright with me. I would forget while still carrying a heavy heart. The doors opened, I stepped out, and... 

"...?!" Swiftly, and tightly, Kizami grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the crowd that would inevitabley flood out from the train. People filled the station, dividing as Kizami dragged me through a narrow path of people. I wasn't confused as to why he was doung this, just surprised and off-guard. He knew something was up and, although I didn't think about it in those few moments, he was going to get it out of me. I was dragged into the men's restroom, too stricken with surprise to protest or even stop. It was empty, at least. The stalls and areas around the sinks were unoccupied. People rarely use public restrooms anyway. I was stopped in a spot that wasn't close to the exit, although in the middle of the room. Kizami finally let go of my hand, a tingling numbness going through my fingers from both the cold conditions of the station and the pressure of Kizami's big hand cutting off the circulation. "K-Kizami, what was that...?" I was finding ot difficult to finish my sentence. I held my tingling hand, feeling how cold it was. "Why...?" Kizami asked. "Why do you have to keep everything bottled up?" "...?" Why...I didn't really expect those words specifically. Honestly, I didn't know what to expect. "Remember, I did that once and I hated myself for it, I just felt worse. So why don't you tell me what's wrong so I can reassure you and tell you that everything will be okay?" This was..."Kizami, why are you saying these things? I don't really get it. I...". "I saw your form, the one you didn't hand in yesterday". My eyes widened and my heart skipped a beat. He found it? Kizami sighed, crossing his arms. "I understand if something like that is none of my business, but I hate seeing you so troubled. Your eyes are red, your voice cracked earlier when talking to me. If I have to take a wild guess I'd say you're worried about the future and what you'll do after graduation". 

He was spot on. In fact, it wasn't much of a mystery unless someone saw the form. I didn't complete the question about future plans. "I-It isn't that...". I spoke up, wanting to make things clear. "It isn't that I don't know what to do. I have lots of plans for after graduation, but the problem is that...". I gulped, the lumps building up again. I didn't look Kizami in the eyes as I spoke, too scared to do so. "The problem is that most of my plans involve you, you idiot!" I raised my voice unintentionally, but it had get through. "Kurosaki, you...". "I want to go to a good university, I want to become an athlete or do something good in my life. But you have your ideas too. If you wanted, if you really wanted, you could study abroad or go to a high-ranked university in Hokkaido or somewhere far away from Osaka. And I can't stop you from doing that-there's no way!" I was spilling everything out from my heart, saying what I thought while tears built up in my eyes again. "I believe I'm just as capable of getting into a good univesity like you, but the thought that either of us could go somewhere far from eachother terrifies me. Being far away from your for god-knows how long scares me!" Yeah, that was it. Either of us could apply to any college and get in, following are dreams while moving further apart from eachother. It was a huge possibility, and I knew it was stupid to think like that. But at this age it's very possible to move on from old relationships with friends or even romantic relationships. I could make plenty of other friends, I knew that. But no one could ever replace Kizami, my best friend and the person that I care about the most. He isn't related to me by blood, but is family. He's my family, and I'm his. 

I waited impatiently for Kizami's response, wanting to know how he would react. "You really are an idiot, a bigger idiot than I am". I raised my head to look at him, my heart skipping a beat once more. "I understand you're worries, but isn't that a bit immature?" "What...?" "If either of us do go to universities far away from eachother, so what? It doesn't mean we won't stay out of contact and we can definitely see eachother again. Besides, there are perfectly good universities here in Japan so I have no intention of going abroad. There are two high-ranked universities here in Osaka and in Nagoya, they aren't too far apart. Haven't you researched at all...Haah, come here". Kizami wrapped his arms around me with a sigh, holding me securely in his arms. "My point is, don't worry so much. The future is scary but worrying and bottling everything up will get you nowhere, so calm down". I did gradually calm down, my arms hugging Kizami's broad back. He was warm. "Anyway, that's then and this is now. We have several months before graduation so don't think about it so much". I felt stupid for making a big fuss over it, I guess I was just scared of losing Kizami. I had never cared about someone, who wasn't either of my parents, so much. "Feeling better?" He asked, I responded with a nod against his shoulder. "Good. When we get home tonight I want us to look for a suitable university together. We can finish your form and hand it in tomorrow. And don't hold back. If there's a university or college that you really wish to attend then don't worry about me". Kizami was so kind, he's always been kind. There were times when he didn't smile or show happiness, but I could see how kind he was. And I loved that about him. (Love?) "Ready to go?" Kizami asked, pulling away. I nodded, finally smiling. (I...Do I Love Kizami?) We walked out of the station, our hands intertwined once the crowds cleared up. I squeezed his hand tightly. (Am I...In Love With Him?) Kizami kissed my temple softly and reassuringly. I had nothing to worry about anymore. There was nothing to worry about. I thought that with confidence, letting out a calm breath as we walked through the street and back to our home. Our home...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not saying anything about the lines with brackets... ;:)


	36. Coming Out Of My Shell Because Of Him

Kizami's POV

Midterms were finally over. We, the students, could rest until final exams. I would be eighteen soon, the beginning of adulthood. Kurosaki wouldn't be too far behind. Aside from that, November was coming, meaning our last culture festival at school. It would perhaps make a nice date with Kurosaki, even though we couldn't appear as a couple. If we're alone then maybe...No, too risky. The whole school would be packed with students and their set-up in each class. I wouldn't be able to have five seconds alone with him. I stuffed my hands deeply within my coat pockets, the scarf around my neck tickling my nose from the loose strands of wool. The season was getting colder by now and the leaves on the trees were dying, falling from the branches to prepare for winter. Due to the cold weather, Kurosaki has been bundling up inside the house. He always looks so cute under a bunch of blankets. I swear, the first time I saw him like that in his bed I nearly had a heart-attack. He was so precious and adorable. One time I lost all sense and cuddled him under the blankets. Kurosaki made a joke and said that I was jealous of all the blankets that were wrapped around him. What have I become since dating him? 

I changed out of my winter uniform and into more comfortable clothing, once we arrived home. My wardrobe for autumn and winter usually consists of shirts, sweaters and hoodies. No t-shirts, v-necks or tank tops. Just anything to keep me warm. I headed downstairs before Kurosaki, calling for him at the bottom of the stairs. We decided to go out for a date since we didn't have the time during our study periods. This would be the first in nearly three or four weeks. Kurosaki suggested that we go to a karaoke bar and then dinner. It was a nice idea, but I wouod be to ashamed to sing at karaoke. From that and my personality it's safe to say that I've never sang at a karaoke bar in my life, especially with a group of people. I just sit, drink beverages, and keep my composure while everyone else gets excited. To be honest, it's only ever been with a group. I've never been alone with Kurosaki at a karaoke bar. It might be a little awkward, but he suggested it saying it would be fun if it was just the two of us. Somehow, I had faith in that. 

Kurosaki eventually walked downstairs wearing a hoodie and a scarf around his neck. With that he would put on his winter coat. That's how cold it was on that day. "I assume we're ready to go?" Kurosaki nodded, pushing his foot into his shoe. I arched my eyebrow in curiousity. "Aren't those getting a bit small for you?" "Yeah. I'll buy new one's soon. I can't help it, if my feet are growing then surely-". "Please don't finish that sentence". "Huh? Are you thinking of something dirty? I was thinking that I would also have bigger socks". "Uhn-huh. Sure you were, pervert". "Wha-? You thought it first so you're the pervert". I smirked, grabbing his hand and leading him out the door. "Come on, big feet. Let's go". "Wait, you're feet are bigger than mine!" "What does that say about me?" "Where did this side of Yuuya Kizami come from, eh?! Have you been with me that long that you've started to sound like me?!" I chuckled at the thought. I guess some of my choice of words did sound like something from Kurosaki's mouth, but that wasn't a bad thing per se. I guess that may happen to some couples that are rather close. I held Kurosaki's hand in a gentle but firm grip, not wanting to let go. The palm was warm from our intertwind touch and felt quite soft as it always did.

When passing a few streets, we eventually stopped holding hands due to the crowd that had built up. Especially at the train station where there were usually big crowds of people. At this time, some of them would be returning from work or school. We got the train into town, taking a detour once we arrived as the karaoke bar wasn't open yet. We passed a few stores that sold candy, crepes and ice-cream so it would be ideal to buy ourselves a dessert after dinner. There were a few nice places to eat in Osaka, and we were still thinking about where to go for that. I didn't mind, as long as Kurosaki liked it. Come to think of it, even before we started dating I thought that Kurosaki's opinion mattered more than mine. Back then it was because I felt indifference towards so many people and places that I always considered Kurosaki's ideas to be for the best. It wasn't anyone else, it was always Kurosaki in my mind. I suppose I am still a little indifferent towards certain things. For example, I don't really expect a birhtday present from Kurosaki this year, or any other year. Despite that he tries his best to make me smile. I do the same on his birthdays. Seeing him smile because of something I did for him makes me happy. But Kurosaki smiles very often and that's something I find very endearing about him, something that will never falter. His smile, whether it's cute or goofy or kind or gleeful. The times that Kurosaki has cried, I'm guessing that those times were on my behalf. I never cry anymore. Those tears dried up many years ago. I wondered, would I ever cry on Kurosaki's behalf? If he got hurt or...anything really. Would I cry for him? Sounds far-fetched. But as long as Kurosaki is happy and smiling like he always does then I won't have to. 

We entered the karaoke bar a few minutes after it opened, so a room would be available to us. We decided to stay for an hour, telling the receptionist all the appropriate information. Kurosaki was quite enthusiastic about this since karaoke was one of his favourite hobbies. He loved going with our usual group, but seemed a lot meore excited to be with me. I was guessing that he expected me to sing. Even if it was just the two of us, it felt embarrassing. Really embarrassing. I, as people can imagine, don't sing. I can't sing. That's mostly an assumtion since I've never done it before, not since pre-school anyway. Once in the small room, I immediatly sat down on one of the sofas as Kurosaki headed for the song catalog, provided by the bar. He sat down next to me and looked through it. "So, which one should we do first? This seems updated so they should have more songs from animes. Let's see...". He looked through it enthusiatically. I reached for the phone by the sofa as he did that. "I'll order some drinks and snacks. Is there anything in particular that you want". "I don't mind, but I wouldn't have snacks since we're gonna have dinner soon". "Good point. How about some tea or sodas then?" "Eh, sure. Um, is something wrong? You seem a little...off". "How so?" "Well, aren't you the sensible one? You know that we're having dinner in an hour". That clicked on. It is true that I would usually understand such a detail, but just then I didn't think about it. I guess my mind was occupied on other...matters involving me and Kurosaki. I guess I was a little sheepish about this date. It was the first time we've been at a karaoke bar alone together. It means that I'll have to get up and sing myself or with Kurosaki. That makes me feel embarrassed a little bit. "W-well, I was thinking about other things. Sorry". "Don't worry about it, it's no biggie. Although, are you feeling nervous?" "Why would I be-?". "Because I'll get to hear your singing voice, finally". Kurosaki smirked devilishly, leaning in a little closer. "I-I don't think you will". I replied, not looking into his eyes. "Don't be shy, it's fun. I'm not a very good singer, and it doesn't matter if you are or not. We should just mess around and have fun together. That's why I love karaoke so much". That makes sense. Kurosaki is all about the "taking part, which is what counts the most". He doesn't care for perfection in his hobbies or anyone else's. "So, I'll sing first if you're nervous and then we'll sing together". A small smile forced its way onto my lips as I nodded. "I'm glad, now let's get the fun started. First, let's order drinks and choose a cool song!" 

Kurosaki, when he sings karaoke or does any one of his hobbies, looks so happy and really looks like he's having fun. I watched him in front of the machine, doing little side-steps tothe rhythm of the song and singing like he's really enjoying the song. Apparently it was an intro song for an anime that came out recently. I sipped my drink just as the song ended. Kurosaki paused as the room fell silent before taking a huge sigh. He lowered the microphone, placing it in it's holder before sitting back down next to me. He took his drink, gulping it down. Beads of sweat had formed on his forehead and temples as if he just ran a marathon. He lowered his cold drink from his lips. "Whoo! That was awesome! I'll take a break and then we can sing together!" Hearing that made me want to crawl back into my shell. No one has ever heard me sing, I haven't even heard myself. This would he really awkward.

Kurosaki took a five minute break, gulping down two chilled drinks in those five minutes. The song must have worn him out. After his second, he slammed the plastic bottle down on the coffee table that was positioned between the two sofas. He stood up. "Right! Let's sing! I've been waiting all night for this, so come on up". Kurosaki took my hand, and I felt my cheeks heat up a little. We've held hands many times but that wasn't the reason for my blush. I wasn't confindent about him hearing my singing voice, if I had one. I hesitated, my rear remaining on the leather of the sofa and my eyes averted away from Kurosaki's. I didn't say a word, but what happened next surprised me a little. Kurosaki took both my hands, using whatever strength he had to pull me to my feet. "Don't be shy. I'm singing with you so it's no big deal. We can just laugh about it later, I promise". Kurosaki had a heart warming smile, one that was the equivalent to puppy dog eyes. His smile convinced me to at least do one song. I was hesitating though, taking baby steps with my hands in his as if I was just learning to walk. He led me to the karaoke machine and let go of my hands. Picking up his previous microphone, he looked at me as if to say "now it's your turn". I looked at it and slowly reached for it. While I held it, it felt out of place and awkward. While Kurosaki casually held his in one hand, I shyly held it in both with my cheeks flaming with heat. But Kurosaki didn't laugh or make fun of me. He just reached out for one of my hands and pulled it from the mic', holding it steady and giving me a small boost of security. My heart was piunding too. To be honest, I feel more embarrassed doing this in front of Kurosaki than I do in front of a crowd of strangers. Having him hear my voice when singing...Kurosaki, with his other hand, though full, selected a song. "This was is quite slow paced so you won't have trouble keeping up. Don't worry, just relax and have fun". My body was tense and my heart was pounding but I believed Kurosaki. Maybe this was a chance for me to loosen up and have fun at karaoke. I may say that but it means very little to me. But, for Kurosaki, I could try. 

The song was roughly two or three minutes. The time just went by in a flash, although it didn't feel like it. My voice trembled several times and even cracked as I tried to let the words flow in a musical tone. It went terribly. I sat back down on the sofa, wanting to curl up in a ball. Kurosaki sat beside me, suddenly wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder. "Hey,". He said softly. "I'm happy we did that. It was fun, honestly". I looked at him, a smile across his lips. "It doesn't matter if you were a little nervous, I quite liked your singing". "Liar, my singing was awful". "You say that because you have a deep voice and you're...too manly". Kurosaki emphasised the word 'manly', accidentally bringing a smile to my lips. "To be honest, I prefere your deep voice. It suits you a lot and...it doesn't matter about your singing. I just had fun being up there with you and seeing you look so shy. It was cute. Really cute". Kurosaki kissed my cheek, effectively cheering me up from that humiliation. I wrapped my arms around him, burying my lips into his hair. "Kurosaki, why are you so good to me?" "It's because I...ahem, I want you to come out of your shell more and I want to have fun with you as much as possible". That wasn't much of a reason but I took it. Kurosaki has always been good to me, for the longest time. I wanted to be just as kind and thoughtful. "Alright, how about another song then?" I suggested, getting up from the sofa. "Really? Another one?" "Yeah, we have another half-an-hour in here so we might as well". Kurosaki stood with me, enthusiasm shown on his face. "Yeah, let's do it! God I'm so happy right now-this is amazing. But this time I'll really challenge you at karaoke. See how much you can keep up". He was only joking, as it wasn't a competition. Kurosaki just wanted to have fun with me and I would respect his wishes. We grabbed the mic's again, Kurosaki scrolling through the different songs in excitement. I sighed, feeling less tense than before. This wasn't so bad after all. I would have to thank Kurosaki later for bringing me out from my shell more. He was really sweet for doing so and really amazing for not laughing in my face. I could never feel like this towards anyone else. I've never felt so wanted or like I mattered until I met Kurosaki, even before we started dating. Now that I've grown up, I can really see that. I can feel wanted and like I matter, and I hope I make Kurosaki feel the same way. 

Once our hour was up, we paid at the reception as more people were coming into the karaoke bar. We exited and started walking down the street to go get dinner. Kurosaki yawned, his eyes watering from the action. "Man, that wore me out. You grew confindent quickly". "That's because I was with you, having fun. It really was fun, so thank you". "Why are you thanking me? I just gave you a little push, that was all". I smiled, kissing Kurosaki's temple. "K-Kizami, we're in public-". "We don't know any ofthem so it doesn't matter. I just wanted to express my thanks for that 'little push' you gave me". Kurosaki's cheeks turned pink as he smiled with embarrassment. He even laughed off his embarrassment in a quiet voice. "When we go home, would you like to huddle up under some blankets?" I asked shamelessly, Kurosaki's pink blush refusing to fade from his cute face. "U-uh, y-yeah. That would be nice. Can we have...hot chocolate and candy?" "Sure. After dinner we can go buy some". "G-great...I would like that". We walked together to the restaraunt, my heart beating softly and calmly even after my previous embarrassment. With Kurosaki I couldn't tell if my heart was fluttering or simply beating. I could relax around him, but become really tense at the same time. Is this what it feels like? 'That' feeling? I couldn't quite describe it in the appropriate words without becoming flushed inthe face. Could it be... 

...love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooooh, I keep hinting it like a devlish little devil! Things...are and will be happening soon. It's coming. A Kurozami storm is coming! :D


	37. Our Last Culture Festival

Kurosaki's POV

November had finally come around, winter vastly approuching. Kizami had turned eighteen recently, our day consisting of going to different places to celebrate his adulthood beginning. We went to the cinema, went shopping and had dinner together. I saved up as much as I could until his birthday arrived, later going home to kiss and cuddle under several blankets. I ended up recieving one or two hickeys that night, luckily nowhere that was visible to other people. Kizami would know, however. I accidentally gave him permission to mark me anywhere that wasn't my neck. Now I have a bruise on my chest, near my heart, and one on my shoulder when I tried to crawl away. They still tingle when Kizami kisses those spots. But, overall, I'm sure it was a good birthday for him. He said that it was a good birthday, one of the best. As I said, right now is November, early November. In a few days it would be our schools yearly culture festival to take place over the coming weekend. It was also our year's last. Since we were in third year, this culture festival would be our final one. So we might as well make it last. Our classroom was planning a to do a ramen café while other classes will be putting on a show or a haunted house or a red bean café. Basically, traditional events for a school culture festival. Everything would be made from scratch, the ramen and the tea that would be served. And everyone had to help out. I heard that class 2-3 were planning to make something different this year. Apparently they were making something that they called the 'Rendezvous Room'. Basically it would be a classroom set up for couple to be together for a short while. Hopefully nothing dirty, although I wouldn't be surprised if some students would do that sort of thing in a private place that's purpose is to persuade couples into an intimate situation. My guess is that most couples would be touching and stuff, even if they're still on campus.

Of course, I thought about inviting Kizami to go, but then backed out because it would be too embarrassing. We're not like that, we're not animals. If I asked Kizami he would most likely say no anyway, even if he likes kissing me and giving me hickeys. Today, at school, we were preparing decorations and the main set-up for the classroom. This was Thursday, so the festival would be in two day on Saturday and Sunday. Everyone was working hard, in all classrooms. People were making decorations, the strong guys like Kizami were helping to bring in the two stoves we would be using. For a short while I had the job of making a sign for outside the classroom. I found myself glancing over at Kizami a few times as he moved the stoves into the classroom. It wasn't a long task, not for him, so I only glanced a few times before taking a stare. I could see his muscles flexing through his shirt since he took off his blazor. This was the first time I ever thought of Kizami as 'hot'. Was I only just noticing? I mean, we've done gym class together and even visited a local gym during summer and stuff, but I never once looked at him physically and thought of his body like that. I was curious as to how his body was feeling when he lifts anything heavy. But right now he didn't seem to be breaking a sweat. "Well, well, well~". I jumped when I heard that voice, that familiar voice, crawl up behind me and torment me. "M-Mitsuki!" I whispered, my cheeks flushed. "Oh-ho-ho, why not take pictures? They last longer". "Wh-why were you-...I-I mean, what are you talking about?" "You, and Kizami-kun~". "Sshhh!" I hushed her, looking around the classroom. No one was eavsdropping so I was in the clear. "Sorry, couldn't help myself. You just looked too cute for staring. I've never seen you do that before". That's because I used to stare at you, Mitsuki. I didn't say that, I was past that. Mitsuki...I used be head-over-heels for her. But then I fell for Kizami after our confession and I completely forgot about my crush on Mitsuki. It wasn't important to me anymore. "L-listen, don't concern yourself with the way I look at Kizami. It's none of your business, if I'm honest". "True, true. But I just love seeing you two together, even if you're not acting like a couple. I love seeing you interact normally when I know you are a couple and it's just so sweet!" I never knew Mitsuki could be such a girl, not that that's a bad thing. She just isn't the type to get all excited over this sort of thing. I just shook my head, a smile on my lips, continuing to stroke the brush gently along the paper, colouring the sign for our classroom without another word of argument to Mitsuki. 

Friday would be our last day to set everything up for the weekend. We all did our part for that day: moving desks, setting up ovens and counters, making decorations, putting those decorations up and etcetera, etcetera. That night some chosen students of our class would be going out with a set budget to buy ingredients. It was only the people who didn't set up counters or tables, and who were not cooking or serving. So that included me, Shimada and two other girls from our classroom. Since the year changed, people from our second year class had moved to another class like Ohkawa and Katayama. Their class was doing a maid café I think. I wouldn't be surprised if they suggested it. I said goodbye to Kizami at the front enterance of the school, obviously not being able to give him a kiss. "I'll see you later, then". That being our code at school for 'see you at home'. "Right. See you later, Kizami". I waved goodbye to him as he left. Every other student left while the chosen group met at the shoe lockers. First it was one of the girls, Teruko Nagata. Second was the other girl, Yuko Asai. And lastly came Shimada with his hands stuffed into his pockets. Nagata-chan seemed to like him quite a bit, blushing when he greeted her directly. "Hey, Shimada-kun. Ready to go?" "Sure, whatever. Are you two girls ready? You're quite lucky, y'know. I'm honored to be spending time with such beautiful angels like yourselves". "Hehe, stop it". While they were flirting..."Um, good evening, Kurosaki-kun". "Hi, Asai-chan. I haven't really gotten to talk to you yet so I'm glad to get to know you now". "Huh? Really? O-oh, I'm glad, too". Asai-chan was quite cute. A brunette with big green eyes that seemed to sparkle in the right light and cute accessories that a lot of girls would wear. Nagata-san, however, was quite the delinquent type of girl. But she seemed to be friends with Asai-chan. Nagata had long blonde hair with ice blue eyes and a mischevious aura around her. She was perfect for a guy like Shimada. After introductions and such we all headed out and to the local supermarket to buy what we needed for the café.

At the store, the girls walked ahead with the shopping cart while talking and giggling. Behind them, me and Shimada didn't really talk much. That's how it's always been between us. We never really talk because we're so different. Not a lot of students talk to Shimada because they find him quite intimidating or a complete turn-off as a person. I heard that his family situation isn't great so that might explain some things about his personality. But when you think of it like that it isn't his fault. He might just choose to be rebellious and a 'womanizer', if you will, as an escape from the shit that goes on his household. I doubt it's as bad as Kizami's situation, but aren't all family issues horrible for the child to go through? I wouldn't know. I have no idea. "She's pretty hot, isn't she?" Shimada snapped me out of my thoughts when he finally spoke, a grin on his lips. He wasn't looking at me, not giving me his full attention, but at Nagata-san. I looked at her, only seeing her long blonde hair, short skirt and ugg boots. Her smile as she turned her head to the side, her porcelain skin. But I couldn't see how she was 'hot'. She is pretty, I couldn't deny that but...Isn't there more to her than that? I guess being with Kizami has made me look past appearances a lot more than I used to. Personality meant a lot to me, of course. But humans will naturally percieve and judge appearances first. Kizami taught me that once. It makes me smile thinking about the conversation we used to, and still, share even before dating. "I wouldn't put it like that,". I replied solemly. "But I see what you mean". "What's with that expression? You're a man, aren't you? I think Teruko-chan would be insulted by that". "What do you mean?" "Well-look at her. An angel. God, if my girlfriends had curves like hers...". So shallow. No wonder we don't pass much conversation. "What about her personality?" "Huh? Oh, that's cool too, I guess". How can someone be so shallow? I could never think of anyone that way, but that is just me. "How about you?" Shimada asked me vaguely, finally looking down at me. "What are you talking about?" "Yuko-chan. Cute, right?" "Oh, um, I guess?" It was true but I wasn't interested. Not one bit. 

"What is wrong with you?" Shimada asked, sounding a little harsh as if I said something wrong. To him, I suppose I did. "Are you a man or not?" "I am but-". "Then what's the big deal? If there's a cute girl in front of you, wouldn't you like her?" "W-well, not in the sense that you're talking about. I don't see her in any particular way-b-besides, why are we talking about this?" Shimada sighed in a way that made it seem like he was explaining something that I was oblivious to. "Do you not know? Are you blind or somethin'?" "Know what?" "Boys~...?". We both looked in front of us to see that both girls had stopped in the middle of the aisle. "We aren't going to do all the work, y'know". Nagata-san said with both hands on her hips. "Yeah, we know. Why don't you take a break and come talk to me for a change while Kurosaki over here helps Yuko-chan out?" Shimada painfully slapped my back, shoving me forward. "Okay, that sounds cool. Yuko, will you be okay by yourself with Kurosaki-san?" Asai-chan's cheeks turned red at her friends words, quickly giving an affirmative nod. I walked towards Asai-chan and the cart while Nagata-san walked towards Shimada. This was kind of ridiculous. What was Shimada trying to do? I held the cart, pushing it across the floor and through the current aisle. "So, what do we need next?" I didn't complain. I wanted to be of help anyway since I didn't manage to do much for the set up. Asai jolted a little in realisation as if she was just caught in a trance, quickly looking over the crumpled lined paper in her tiny hands. That was the list that we wrote out today, along with the total cost of everything that we needed to buy. It wasn't a long list, but we needed a lot of the stuff that was listed in case students would ask for seconds. "Uuh, let's see. Um, w-we still need to get meat, the appropriate sauce and the tea leaves. So far we only picked up noodles, of different varieties, vegetables and seasonings. That was it. "Okay, then. Let's get this done so we can all go home. By the way, who's keeping all this stuff until tomorrow?" "Oh, I volunteered". "You, Asai-san?" She nodded, a smile on her lips. "Yeah, I feel bad for not doing a lot to help today. I'm not very good with team projects because I'm afraid of messing up and causing trouble for people. I'm just an airhead, I guess". Even as she said something so damaging about herself, she smiled as if it was normal. I couldn't just let that pass. "Well, that's silly". "Huh...?" "Maybe you should try to have more confidence in your abilities. Everyone makes mistakes, but no one makes so many mistakes that it ruins everything. Just believe that you can put in a good amount of effort and you will, trust me". I was a confident and opptomistic person, so it was easy for me to say those words so casually. But hopefully it was an eye-opener for her. She looked like I just opened her eyes to something that she could have thought about a long time ago. "Uh...erm, th-thank you, Kurosaki-kun. That means a lot". She was quieter now, her smile gone. Did I say something wrong? 

At the end of tne day we payed for everything and packed it all up. Shimada and I carried the heavy stuff while Asai-chan and Nagata-san carried the eggs and tea leaves. Shimada made me walk behind with Asai-chan again while he flirted with Nagata-san at the front. We, at the back, were quiet. There wasn't much that I could say or even wanted to say. But conversation couldn't hurt. "Glad this is over, huh?" "Oh, I suppose. But it was nice talking to you Kurosaki-kun". "You too. Um, are you managing with those eggs? Are they heavy?" We did buy quite a few boxes of eggs, after all. "No, not at all. I just have to be careful so they don't crack or smash in their container". "Well, okay. It should be fine". Asai-chan apparently lived nearby so it would make this a lot easier, we wouldn't have to take these things on the train. We walked all the way to a street of housing, the area quiet and almost empty. "We're almost there. Teruko said she'd come to my house to help unload everything, so...". "That's good. I wish I could help but I have to get home for dinner". "It's okay. I can understand that. I might just invite Teruko for dinner since she'll already be there". "Good idea. I'm sure she would like that". This conversation...It was a little uncomfortable. I couldn't talk about more interesting things with her, I couldn't talk about private things. I was so used to talking about my day, and baseball practice, and school, and work. All of that. Dates, what to have for dinner, what to do for the night and telling that person with me that I like him and I would list the things that I like about him while our hands were intertwind and our noses touching at the tips. I was so used to that in my comfort zone, our private comfort zone. Recently it feels like small talk with other people at school, not including Mitsuki and Fukuroi. I feel like I'm growing apart from people, people whom I never really connected with. I mean, I would bond with Katayama and Ohkawa about video games and anime and manga, but we never really connected about serious topics. My only really close friends consist of Mitsuki and Fukuroi. And then there's my boyfriend, Kizami. I've been connecting with him ever since pre-school. We understand eachother, can laugh, can be serious and we can be a happy couple. But with these three students that I walk with in this almost empty street, I don't feel any familiarity or close connections. Only aquaintanceship. 

We arrived at the front of Asai-chans house, passing the grocery bags to them one by one as she brought them inside the hallway of her house that way. We thanked eachother for the help and said goodnight, leaving me and Shimada to get the train. I couldn't wait to go home and see my family, Kizami and dinner. I was starving. My stomach grumbled on the way to the station as evidence of that. The station was quiet. That doesn't happen often at this time. But people wouldn't be coming back from work until later. Until the train arrived, Shimada and I sat on one of the benches in the freezing station. I cradled myself in my winter coat and scarf, feeling the chill run all over my body. "So, what do you think of her? Of Yuko-chan?" That was out of the blue. "Um, I dunno. She's nice, I guess". "Nice? Heh, are you really a man, Kurosaki?" "Huh...?" "Haah, I feel like I should just tell you. Otherwise it'll never get through your skull". What was this all of a sudden? It couldn't be..."Yuko-chan has a crush on you". It...It was. I suspected that when he asked what I thought of her, but I guess I didn't want it to be true. No girl has ever had a crush on me, that I know of. The only person who's ever had a crush on me was Kizami. But that was so special to me that I can't even call it a crush, that seems too impersonal. Kizami didn't just have a 'crush'. He really, really liked me as a man and not just as his best friend. "What do you think of that? When she confesses, are you gonna go out with her?" Shimada crossed his arms, a grin on his face as if he was proud to tell me. He seemed to think of himself as a match-maker now. "No thanks". I answered honestly". "H-huh...?!" "I have no interest in her that way". Shimada was shocked, completely taken aback by my answer. He thinks I've been single my whole life, when in actual fact I've been dating Kizami since our first year of high school. 

"How can you not be interested?! What do you not like about her?" "It has nothing to do with her personality or appearance. I just don't want to date her. I'm not interested". Shimada's grin disappeared a while ago, but now he was frowning and almost sulking. It's none of his business anyway. "I feek bad for Yuko-chan, liking a guy like you". What was that suppose to mean? "At our age, there shouldn't be a question of whether you're interested or not. Just give her a chance, at least". Before dating Kizami, I would have been excited for this sort of thing. I would have said 'sure, absolutely. I'll go out with her'. But things have changed. Maybe...Maybe if I didn't end up with Kizami I would have dated a girl like Yuko-chan. But, you know what, I'm happy things didn't end up that way. I'm happy with Kizami being my boyfriend. Still, I wanted to get Shimada off my back. "What if I think about it?" "Think about it all you want, but when she confesses you had better say yes. I can't see why anyone would turn her down". I sighed. Of course I would turn her down. She's a sweet and cute girl, known to be smart and caring. However I have no interest in dating someone else. While I'm happy with Kizami, there can be no one else. And I am happy, I'm really happy with Kizami, and I doubt that will change. It won't ever change. 

I finally arrived home, sighing as I pulled off my scarf. I was cold and hungry, and dying to see Kizami. "Welcome back, honey!" I heard my mom's voice from the kitchen. "Hey, mom!" I called back, slipping off my shoes. "Welcome back". I looked up from the floor, my heart jumping as something held me in a firm but warm hold. Not something, but someone. "Hi, Kizami". I pressed my lips to his shoulder and closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around him. "You're freezing. Come inside and rest. Dinner is almost ready". Kizami pulled away slightly, facing me. Seeing his face made me feel comfortable and warm so I couldn't help but smile. "Come on. Sit at the table and rest. I'll get you a blanket and some tea". "Thank you". Kizami took my hand, leading me to the living room and to the dining table. I sat down, Kizami leaving momentaraly. In a few short minutes I felt warmth cover my back. A blanket. Kizami draped it around my body along with his arms in another hug. He kissed the back of my head before leaving again. I sat comfortable in my chair, holding the blanket tightly around my back and torso. I held an end to my nose and lips, softly inhaling the clean and nice scent of laundry liquid. It must have been washed very recently. Kizami came back again, placing a cup of tea in front of me. "I'm just going to set the table and then we can talk more". "Sure. Um, do you want any help?" "No, that's okay. You just rest. Dinner should help warm you up". "Okay. Thanks". Kizami was so kind and gentle, a side that I once thought I'd never see but wanted to see. Now, when we're alone, I see that side of him all the time. I sipped my tea, the warm liquid acting as a relief. The weather was definitely getting colder. Winter would arrive very soon. 

I warmed up after dinner, although still attatched to the blanket that Kizami gave me. I ended up going to bed and curling up under the covers, promising to help out with dinner and washing up next time. Right now I was tired and needed to rest before taking a bath. At the thought, I heard a knock at my bedroom door. "Come in...". I called lazily. The door opened. "Hey, Kurosaki. Do you want to use the bath first or can I go?" "You go ahead. I'm gonna rest for a bit". "Well, alright. Just don't leave it too late". I heard the door creaked slightly as it was about to close, but I didn't get to hear the click as it shut. I raised me head in curiousity, seeing that Kizami had not left yet. "Kizami...?" "Uh, sorry, Kurosaki. May I come in?" "Huh? Sure, what's up?" Kizami closed the door behind him as he entered. I sat up, the covers of my bed still wrapped around my body like a caccoon. Kizami sat down next to me, his eyes not focused on me at first but at the ground. 

"About Saturday...". He began, referring to the day of the culture festival. "There will surely be couples walking around, holding hands and such. I was just thinking how it's a shame that we can't act that way". That was true. If we held hands and acted like a couple then we probably wouldn't get any peace. Kizami's really popular at school and I'm popular as the class mood-maker and as a member of the school baseball team. It shouldn't matter if we're a couple but people are just judgemental like that. "Anyway, I was wondering if you would like to go somewhere after the festival. Somewhere nice and maybe even private. We can act like a couple then". That was a good idea. Go on a date and act like a couple in a private place. Maybe the amusment park or a cinema. The amusment park has a ferris wheel and the cinema is dark so no one would see us kiss or hold hands. "I like that idea. We can go on a date afterwards. But there's also another option...". I thought about it and it seemed like a good idea, as embarrassing as it was. "Why don't we visit...class 2-3?" "Class 2-3? Aren't they doing a meeting place for couples?" "Y-yeah, so I thought...". "No, I don't think we should". "Huh...?" Kizami said that rather bluntly. "Why not?" I needed a reason. It would give us privacy and..."Did you know that they put a video camera in there?" I paused, hesitated, my cheeks turning red when the silence filled the room. They...what?! "A, a video camera?!" I was flabbergasted. A video camera, seriously?! "Yeah. It makes sense. Why else would they set up such an obvious trap? To film it". "W-wow...That's...I'm sorry. I really didn't know". Now I was embarrassed. To think that people would film that sort of thing. I felt an arm around me and pull me close. Kizami hugged me with one arm, kissing my cheek. "Don't worry about it". He muttered. "I don't think anyone knows aside from the people who set it up. But, honestly, I'm flattered that you would invite me. It just means you want to be intimate with me in private, right?" His mutteres cut through my chills like a knife. I even shivered as his words passed through my ear. Kizami chuckled, kissing my ear and cheek again. "So cute. You're so cute, Kurosaki". I blushed hard, feeling tense under Kizami. I was still embarrassed about suggesting it. That would rain down on my conscience for a while. "Come on, let's take a bath and then you can get some sleep". I took Kizami's hand as he brought me to my feet. Another bath together. Maybe that would take my mind off of my embarrassment and help me relax. But when I'm with Kizami, can I truely relax depending on the situation? And I doubted I could ever be fully relaxed when in the bath with him. I didn't mention what Shimada told me that night. I never brought it up as I didn't think about it. I only thought about the person who was right in front of me. That was all. 

The day of the culture festival had arrived. Friday involved some last minute preperations until Saturday, the big day. Students from both our school and neighbouring schools gathered to the festival. There were plenty of stalls set up outside for snacks and drinks while events took place inside the school. Our class were already cooking and serving ramen for anyone who came in. Students and adults sat at our 'tables', enjoying the home-made ramen and green tea. When Kizami and I arrived, we headed straight for our class to get a table. Business seemed to be booming inside our class, the scent of cooking drifting from the room. "Good day, welcome to our ramen café". A girl from our class greeted us, knowing who we were. "Come on, guys. There's a table free so make yourselves comfortable". "Thank you". "Thanks...". We thanked her as she led us to our table. "I'll come by with two bowls of our special ramen and green tea in a moment. Just let us know if you would like seconds". "Sure thing". I said before she bowed and left. "This is really great. We worked hard this year". I nodded in agreement. Everyone had done there part in some way. It would be a shame when we would have to clean up everything. I looked around the classroom, admiring every little bit of work that everyone put in. I never really looked before. "Where would you like to go after this?" Kizami asked, snapping me out of my train of thought. "Huh? Oh, how about the haunted house?" "Well, alright. But I doubt it's that scary". "I dunno. Class 3-2 has some pretty messedmup people, students who are really into the occult and horror stuff". "I see. Well, we'll see it for ourselves and judge whether it's good or not". "Right. It should be pretty cool, hopefully better than last year's". "Here's your ramen and tea". The girl came back with a tray of steaming ramen and green tea, placing them down on our table. "Enjoy, you two". "Thanks again". Kizami and I said thanks for the meal before picking up our bowl and chopsticks. I really looked forward to this year's festival. 

We visited the haunted house, the shows put on from a few classes, the maid and red bean café, the stalls outside and so on. This festival was so much fun, especially with Kizami. It was kind of like a date, even though we couldn't hold hands or kiss. We took a break in the courtyard behind the school, on one of the benches. I was stuffed from all the food we had today. "God, I'm full". I sighed, rubbing my stomach. I didn't eat that much since me and Kizami went to a korean buffet for a date. "Me too. No more food today". "Right. I agree". I looked up at the clear blue sky, my back resting against the bench and my arms slung over the back. The clouds drifting endlessly across the big blue space above. It was calming to watch. Today was fun. Our last culture festival was fun. "Hey, Kizami?" "Hmn? What is it?" "Could I...take a picture with you? I wanna remember today". "Do you have a camera?" "Uh, no. Just my cellphone". "That's fine". Kizami shuffled closer to me as I took out my cellphone. He wrapped his arm around me once I got up the camera. I hovered my thumb over the button that took the picture, pressing it when..."...!" I felt Kizami's lips on my cheek, my smile disappearing as I felt flustered. For a moment I held the phone in my hands, Kizami pulling away from my cheek. "How was that?" He asked. "U-uh, let's have a look". My cheeks felt hot as I went to my gallery. I eventually found the new picture and opened it. It was us, Kizami's lips on my cheek with his eyes closed while I had a flustered face. It was actually a nice photo. Kizami looked at it, chuckling. "Hmhm, I like it". "Y-yeah, I kinda do too. This is a keeper". I saved the picture before closing my cellphone over and put it back into my pocket. "Is there anywhere else you want to go?" Kizami asked. I thought for a moment. We visited nearly all the classes, was there anything else? "We could have a look, I guess". "Okay, sure. Let's get going then. Just as long as there's no food involved". I laughed at that comment, standing alongside Kizami and walking back into the school with him. 

What else was there to do? We headed to our floor, where our classroom was, and looked around. There didn't seem to be much left. Just as we approuched our classroom, the door burst open. It startled me a bit. One of the girls who was serving burst out, looking frantic until she spotted us. "Ah! Kurosaki-kun! Kizami-san!" She ran towards us, stopping right in front of us. "Hey, wha-". "You've got to help us". She said, still frantic. "We only need one helper. The class is packed and one of our girls badly burned herself while handling the noodles andanother went on a break with her boyfriend but hasn't come back yet. We need someone to fill in for both of them". Kizami and I looked at eachother for a moment. I actually wanted to help out, but..."Kurosaki, I know that look in your eyes. You can go help if you want". "But what about-". "It's fine. I'll meet you at the shoe lockers so we can 'go home', okay?" We weren't going home. We had a date today. I smiled at him. "O-okay. Just wait for me then". "I will. I'll even get snacks for later". "Okay. See ya later". I waved goodbye to Kizami. "I promise this will only take two seconds". She said then, leading me into the class. I was given an apron and sent to work. Only two seconds? I could do that. Wait for me, Kizami. 

U finished up after several minutes. The girl came back after her 'break' and started working again in my place. I rushed out of the door and headed to the main enterance to meet Kizami. We could finally go on our date and act like a couple. I headed downstairs, not wanting to stop but incidentally bumping into someone as I turned the corner. "Woah...!" "Yaaah...!" I heard a shriek in front of me, a girl's shriek. I didn't fall on my backside, thank goodness, but heard a thud in front of me. "O-ow...". "...?! Asai-chan?!" "Huh? O-oh! Um, h-hi, Kurosaki-kun". "Oh my god, are you alright?! I'm so sorry!" I crouched down beside her, heling her to her feet. "It's alright. You seemed to be in a rush so I go in the way". "Don't say that. It's mainly my fault for running". Asai-chan still smiled, despite falling and landing on her rear. "You okay?" She nodded. "Yeah, just a little sore. Um...I was actually trying to find you so this is perfect". Find me? "What for? Is everything alright?" She hesitated, her cheeks turning red as she looked down to the floor. This girl had a crush on me, the first girl that I know of to have a crush on me. If I hadn't of found out about Kizami, if I didn't feel the way I did about him, would I be dating this girl or Mitsuki? Who knows? But I do know that look in her eyes means only one thing. "Could you, uh, come with me for a moment?" She asked, her voice quiet. "Wh-where? I...I kind of...". "It'll only take a second, I promise". Asai-chan took my hand then, leading me down the hallway. "W-wait a minjte, Asai-chan!" She wasm't stopping. In fact, she gained speed. She began sppedwalking, dragging me through the hall and towards a certain classroom. 2-3. She wasn't thinking to...No way. I wanted to escape and find Kizami, to see him and to go on that date with him. Why did this have to happen? He was waiting for me! I had to see him! Kizami...Kizami! Kizami-...! 

Then it happened. I didn't expect it, it just jumped out at me like a predator on prey. My heart jumped and my eyes widened. We stopped walking upon approuching class 2-3, the Rendezvous Room. The door had opened and we stopped walking. We stopped walking when the door slammed open. "Huh...?" I muttered quietly to myself. "...Kirisaki?" Tohko Kirisaki. The girl from my class stepped out of the room, soon spotting us. Her cheeks turned bright red then. "What happened?" That voice...No...What? Wh-why...? I felt my heart break and my blood run cold. The person who walked out next to Kirisaki...was Kizami. He spotted me with Asai-san, shock forming in his eyes. Why? Why did he...Why did Kizami walk out with Kirisaki? Kizami...my boyfriend...What...What is going on? 

To Be Continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear god what have I doooooooooooooone?! D:


	38. There's No One Else But Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeaaaaah, stuff happened last time and that's all I'm saying right now. So don't hate me please...

Kizami's POV

30 Minutes Earlier... 

I said my goodbyes to Kurosaki, watching him walk into our classroom. The door remained open but Kurosaki disappeared into the room. I was to meet him by the shoe lockers when he finished, and I was doing exactly that. I walked ahead to the stairwell and to the ground floor. Later we would have a date, somewhere private and somewhere we could be romantic. Now, I have to admit something. Recently, I've felt different towards Kurosaki. This difference is not a negative thing, just to clear that up. It's quite positive. I wanted , until now, to express these new found feelings that I have for him. For me, I can't exactly put it into words out loud but if I had to guess I'd say these feeling were similar to...love. I've never felt that in my entire life, maybe at some point in my younger years I could feel a type of love for my so-called-family, a love that I can no longer remember. But this type of love is somewhat special. I feel this fluttering my heart whenever I'm around Kurosaki. It just beats faster. There are times when I can't help but think about him and it makes me feel better, while in any sort of mood. I'm not positive if I should declare such a thing out loud just yet. I wanted to bide my time for a special moment. A moment that is memorable, a moment that we'll both never forget. It isn't something that I feel should pass by casually at school or at home. I want it to be emotional and intimate. Isn't that okay? I'm sure he would feel the same, but does he feel what is commonly known as 'love' towards me? Have we been dating long enough? Does Kurosaki love me, too? And not as in family or as friends...Does he really love me? 

I went down to the shoe lockers at the main entrance. No one was around. I could only see students outside by the stands made by other students. No one was around aside from myself, so it wouldn't be so awkward as to stand around by myself until Kurosaki arrived. In the mean time I opened up my locker with the intent to grab my shoes. However, I spotted something inside the second compartment. A note? Curious, I slipped it from the compartment and opened the folded paper. Right away I could clearly see the neatness of the japanese characters written across the paper in one brief note. Whoever wrote it took their time to get across their message. 

(Meet me in 2-3 before you leave. It's urgent...). 

The note didn't have a name, just that. How did they know when I would leave? I mean, Kurosaki and I did mention it out loud while walking around. They must of overheard or maybe someone overheard us for them. So could this be a sign of a confession coming up? It was obvious. In addition to the obvious invitation the room written on the note was 2-3. That room was for couple to be obscene together. That kind of meeting place...What could I do? Ignore them? That was certainly an option, but maybe it would be better to turn them down kindly. I already had someone I cared for, at this point I perhaps felt more than that. I wouldn't want this person to be chasing after me when there's no happy ending. Whoever it is, they should find someone who actually cares. I should just tell them the reality in person. I folded the note again, stuffing it into my pocket and walking away. This would only take a moment. Just moment and I would come back to meet Kurosaki. No more than a few minutes. 

I arrived at class 2-3. I wasn't anxious or worried. Whatever I said they would have to put up with. That's harsh but I can't feel bad about it. I already have someone. That person is waiting for me. I slid the door open, a burst of afternoon light shining through the row of window panes. All the desks were gone, leaving the classroom looking bigger and stranger than with desks. At the far end, facing the doors of the classroom, was a figure. A short slender figure with their hands collected and clasped at their skirt. I didn't really see her face until she raised her head. "...!" She froze, looking lime she forgot to breathe for a moment. "...Y-you came". She muttered. "...Kirisaki". It was no surprise that it was her. I've known about her feelings for such a long time and was more than prepared to give her a kind rejection when she finally decided to tell me. So I was ready for it, always, while still never really thinking about it. My conscience wasn't focused on her, after all. For a moment we stood facing eachother. No one spoke for several seconds. I was the one who broke the silence, closing the door to the classroom and approuching her slowly. Her nervousness was evident in her eyes and her crimson blush. "So, what did you wish to speak to me about?" I asked casually, pretending to not know, pretending to be unaware. The way I said it must have looked fake, it wouldn't surprise me. But Kirisaki's demeanor didn't waver. 

"U-um...". She began, her voice small. Kirisaki looked tense, ready to crawl into a shell and stay there until I left. However, she may have been determined to say what she had to say. I was listening, ready, prepared for what I would reply with. I wasn't going to be impatient with her, only kind in any sense of the word. "Y-Yuuya, I...There's something I've been meaning to tell you for a while. W-will you hear me out?" "That's why I'm here. Whatever you have to say I'll listen. Go ahead". There was no point for her to beat around the bush. I would prefer it if she just came out and said it, possibly prepared to hear my rejection. "Well...um...The thing is that I...". Kirisaki shut her eyes for a moment, her body clearly tense. And then she opened them again her eyes full of determination. "Yuuya, I...I've loved you from the moment we met. I'm not asking you to love me too, just give me a chance and please go out with me". Kirisaki bowed, her body shaking now as she had spilled so much from her thoughts without properly composing her words. It was a mess, but, nonetheless, I had to be honest with her. There was a brief moment of silence. I looked around the room, a realisation striking me. 

This classroom...it was 2-3, so..."Kirisaki, I-". "You don't have to give me an answer yet if...". "No, that's not it". "Huh...?" I ended up going off subject, almost avoiding it. "This is 2-3". I pointed out. "Uh, yeah...". Kirisaki reponded, standing up straight. "Kirisaki, I believe that there's a camera in here somewhere". "Wh-what?! Really?!" Kirisaki's face turned red, probably embarrassed at the thought of other students, nevermind juniors, watching her confession to me. That would be mortifying. I looked around to see if it was hidden under something or attatched to the top corners of the room. There was a bed positioned where the blackboard was, so it must have been facing that. I looked to the opposite side where a curtain was hung, covering a section of the classroom. A gap could be seen in the center of the long purple drapes. I walked to it, pulling back the curtains to reveal a camera placed on a stand, the red light flashing. It was still recording. "Oh my god, this is so embarrassing". That was clear enough. I found the switch to stop it from recording, taking the small video camera in my hand. I knew they had one. "Don't worry. I'll find a way to delete all content. If they were intending to watch this then I'm sure a lot of people would be just as humiliated". I walked back towards Kirisaki with the camera in hand. "Why don't we take it to the computer room? They have equipment for this kind of thing for editing and deleting footage". "Yeah, good idea. That way no one has to be seen with their partners". Kirisaki seemed to have forgotten about confessing to me. That was good enough, for now. 

With the camera in my hand, I walked behind Kirisaki as we exited the classroom. I looked behind me once more just to double check if there were any more cameras, although I doubted they would have to budget for that. I heard the door slide open. "...!" When I turned back, Kirisaki was stood frozen, looking to her right with flushed cheeks. "What happened?" I asked, stepping to the door to see what the problem was. When I did, my eyes widened. Kirisaki was looking to the right where Kurosaki and another girl from our class stood. The shock formed on Kurosaki's features clearly. No, this was a total misunderstanding. There was an awkward silence, my gaze travelling down to something that caught my eye. The girl, Asai-chan I think her name was...She was holding Kurosaki's hand, quite firmly it seemed. I looked back up at Kurosaki, his response was to get his hand free immediatly. He stepped back a little, confused and shocked. Kurosaki knew me better than this, but it must have been the awkward situation that caused his legs to move for him as he started running down the hall. "Wait, Kurosaki!" I called out to him but it was fruitless. I left the camera in Kirisaki's hands then. "I'm sorry. I have to go catch him". Without a reply I dashed off after him. Kurosaki was a fast runner, I was more the jogging type despite my strong build in both my torso and legs. Kurosaki's been running from the moment that he was able to, so much so that sometimes I wonder why he didn't join the track team instead of baseball. I ran through the halls, students looking in my direction with confusion written on their faces. It was none of thier business, so why stare?

I looked as far as I could, eventually coming to the courtyard behind to school, as directed from several students who saw him running that way. I looked around, panting softly. I was about to give up and go back inside when I felt something, or someone, grab my hand. I looked in that direction to see Kurosaki, holding my hand firmly. "Oh, there you are. Why did you run? Please don't misunderstand, you know me way better than that". "I do...". He replied. "I know you would never cheat or anything like that. I just...wanted to get away from there. You can understand why, right?" "Yes, absolutely. Listen, we don't have to deal with this now. Why don't we just leave and discuss it later?" Kurosaki nodded. He looked at me for a moment, not letting go of my hand, before pouncing into my arms. He hugged me tightly and my only response was to hug back. If I was correct I would have to say that girl, Asai-san, wanted to take Kurosaki to 2-3 too. Maybe she wanted to confess to him too. I wouldn't be surprised if one or two girls liked Kurosaki. He's very lovable, after all. "Come om. We should leave then. The amusement park should be open by now. Why not go there and be alone for a while?" Kurosaki pulled away, nodding again and smiling. I let go of his hand as we were about to go back inside. There was no misunderstanding, just an awkward situation that we wanted to escape from. Two girls wanting to confess to two men who were dating eachother, very awkward. Now I just wanted some alone time with Kurosaki. We could discuss it then and put it behind us with a rejection. Kirisaki was a nice girl so she could probably understand as long as I didn't mention Kurosaki. For now, it wasn't worth thinking about. For now, I only wanted to think of Kurosaki. Still, maybe I could wait a little longer to tell him my own confession. There was no rush, after all. I would just have to be patient and tell him when the moment was right and when the mood was right. 

Our school would be holding a bonfire at the end of the festival, which we would not be attending. Instead of going Kurosaki and I headed to the amusement park in town which was built near the beach. Kurosaki and I went on a few occasions when we were younger, but that didn't mean we couldn't go at our age. I remember not being able to go on quite a few rides because of our height. Kurosaki's always wanted to go to Disneyland Tokyo but we never had the chance. Maybe one day we could go for a day. It made me think for a moment about our winter break. Perhaps we could take a trip somewhere, just after Christmas. I didn't think about it for long as Kurosaki was getting excited about the rides and such, almost forgetting about earlier. That was what I wanted, for now at least. We could foget the ugliness and have a little bit of fun until it became a conversation. What happened back there...It would be hardmto explain to Kirisaki in person. I found myself sending her a text message. [Sorry about earlier, can we meet tomorrow and delete the footage on that camera at a library or something?] It wasn't long after until I recieved a reply. [Okay. We should meet in front of the local library in town]. That was sorted. "Who are you texting?" Oh, um...Kirisaki". I said honestly. "I apologised for what happened. And, uh, we found a camera in 2-3. We're going to meet and delete the footage at the library, where there are computers. You have the right equipmemt for that, don't you?" "Oh, yeah. You can borrow it. I know I'd hate for someone to know what I've been getting up to with my partner". I was glad he understood. It was easier to do at a different computer that wasn't mine or Kurosaki's. Those were at home, where Kurosaki would be. I wanted to tell her straight in a private place, and that would be that. Although I doubt that she would be able to look at me or Kurosaki in the same way again.

We went on several rides that afternoon; fast rides, relaxing rides and so on. All until the sun started to go down in the autumn sky. That was when we decided to go on the ferris wheel, as an end of the day theme. Kurosaki said it was very slow and relaxing, after all. The queue was long but the wait was worth it. Different couples got on each individual car, the majority consisting of a man and a woman. If it wasn't that it was a group of girls or a parent with their children. It seemed very evident that we were the minority. But we didn't really care, I suppose. We just got into our car with one of the staff members giving us a weird look. The ride was slowly filling up as a ferris wheel usual does when there's a long line. When it finally got moving we could finally relax and enjoy the view that passed us from above. The sky had turned to orange, soon to darkness. Looking out as the wheel reached the top for the first time, we could see the city below us and the blinding reflection that cast the windows of the car. I looked to Kurosaki who was also enjoying the view. With my arm resting on top of the back of the porcelain seats, I rested my chin on my arm as I stared at Kurosaki with a sort of admirable gaze, my eyes half-lidded in my admiration. His eyes seemed to glow for a second in the orange light that instantly passed us by. It was a wonderful sight. "Are you having fun?" I asked. "Of course I am. But would you really call a ride on a ferris wheel fun?" "I guess not. How do you feel then?" "I feel...better". His response was a little worrying. I guess he still felt a little bad from before. "I understand. Do you want to talk about it?" "What is there to talk about? You saw Asai-chan. She was taking me into 2-3, and then you came out with Kirisaki. What exactly happened in there? What did she say to you?" It didn't take a few seconds of hesitation to come up with a reasonable answer. "She was confessing to me". Kurosaki was silent, for only a second or two but it was certainly long enough for him to think of a reaction. He wasn't surprised or shocked. No one hesitates if they truely feel that. He understood that it would happen sooner or later as he knew just as well as I did about Kirisaki's feelings. "What did you say to her?" "I didn't give her an answer yet. But I plan to tomorrow". "Okay...Just don't say anything to hurt her, okay? I wouldn't want her to get hurt over us being together. If you tell her...". "I know". Was all I said. It would give her too big of a shock. 

The ferris wheel went around to the ground level for the first time, ready to go around for a second time. This gave us more time to talk. "What about Asai-san? I guess you never really got a chance to explain". "Nope. But I will. I'll tell her that I don't feel the same. I feel bad though. She must have been so embarrassed when I ran like that". "Don't worry. It's in the past. Although it may upset her to hear a rejection, there's nothing you can really do about it. Just say what you feel is right, knowing that you still have me if you would like a shoulder to cry on". I said it as a joke, even smirking a little despite the serious atmoshpere. It soon disappeared when a certain wondering came to mind. "Or...do you actually like her?" It was a silly question that made my heart ache. I didn't want to say it but I felt it had to said. Kurosaki was smiling now as if silently replying with; 'are you an idiot?' He then spoke. "Of course not. Although she's the first girl to ever have a crush on me, I can't accept her feelings. If I didn't already have a crush on a certain someone then I might have gone out with her. I might have...". Kurosaki repeated quietly to himself, his smile vanishing. "I'm glad, Kizami. I'm so, so glad I'm with you. I'm even happy. I swear I've never been this happy in my life". Kurosaki looked out at the scenery beyond the slowly turning ferris wheel, his eyes glowing for an instant and then fading back into it's pretty violet colour. "Me too, Kurosaki". I replied, touching his cheek with the tip of my nose. He turned his head to me, a smile once again appearing before he lightly kissed my lips. It was just a peck but such a small action from Kurosaki made my heart flutter. I hoped, in those few moments that we had left inside that ferris wheel, that our happiness together would last a lifetime. And I believed it would. I knew it would. I didn't doubt it for a second, such a thought didn't cross my mind at all throughout the rest of that day. It would never cross my mind ever. I knew...I knew it wouldn't. 

The very next day I went ahead on that Sunday to the local library in town to meet with Kirisaki. It was about time to delete that video footage and to save a lot of student's dignity. We met up, went into the library and set up the equipment that Kurosaki let me borrow. It wasn't a lot of equipment and we had permission from the librarian. There isn't really much to say about what happened. Neither of us watched the footage that was on the camera, we just edited it and deleted everything. It was the right thing to do. "We did it, thank goodness". Kirisaki sounded quite relieved, for both the students on the tape and for herself. This took me out of the second year's silly games. They were suppose to be maturing but I guess they haven't been taught properly. I unplugged the equipment, putting it all bag in my back-pack to give back to Kurosaki and to give back to the students of 2-3. I wouldn't get into trouble for it since blackmail can go two ways in this situation. I was sure the head of the school would love to hear about the things we found on the tape. Although there's no evidence I have a witness, Kirisaki. I would have to give the camera back the following day, Monday. "Kirisaki, thank you for coming along. It would be bad if we left this alone". "Yeah, you're right. Couple shouldn't have their intimacy exposed, it should be kept private". "Right. Of course. Um, should we get a coffee before we leave?" "Huh? Really? With me?" "Sure...". Kirisaki smiled, even though I was offering to be polite. So we grabbed a coffee at the internet café in the library. I thanked and apologised to the librarian at the reception desk as we left with our coffees in paper cups. "Kirisaki, I'll walk you home if you wish". "Oh, um, actually...could you? I want to talk to you about yesterday anyway". Kirisaki didn't look at me as she said that, a blush stained on ner cheeks. "...Alright. Lead the way, since I have no idea where your house is". "U-uh, sure". I was more than ready to give my amswer. It was inevitable. But all I could do was be kind and try not to hurt Kirisaki. 

Kirisaki led me through a local park in her street. There was a cool breeze to pass us by, a cool breeze of autumn. Kirisaki stopped in the middle of the path, turning slightly towards me. "Um, can we rest for a moment?" She asked me. I didn't argue, but agreed instead. We sat down at one of the wooden benches, silent for several seconds. This was a little awkward, but at the same time I felt comfortable. There was nothing to fear, no reason to hold back. "Kirisaki, I might as well give you my answer now, about what you said yesterday". "Oh, y-yeah. Well? What...What is your answer?" She was less confident now, but she set her expectations way too high. "If you don't feel comfortable now then maybe...maybe in the future or whenever you feel ready". "Kirisaki...I can never date you". 

I said it. It sounded cold and harsh and thoughtless but I said it. There was another silence, but this one seemed longer. The cold wind passed us by and made the scene all the more uncomfortable. Kirisaki...finally spoke. "Never...?" Her voice was quiet and her tone was confused. What I said was correct. I can never date Kirisaki. "Why...never?" She asked, her voice still quiet but more sorrowful. She continued without allowing me to respond. "Is it me or is there...someone else?" It was the latter, someone else. But I had to explain that it wasn't because of her, it wasn't her fault. "Kirisaki, you're a bright and nice girl with brains and a good spirit. But I can't find myself to be attracted to you in a romantic way. I see you more as a friend, someone who I'm close to as an aqauintance instead of a romantic interest. So don't...don't ever think that it's your fault, because it's not. I just don't see you in that way". "...I...". She responded. "I see. So it really isn't me?" "No. It's not you". Another silence. I looked on ahead where a row of trees stood, their leaves turning brown, red and crisp. I didn't look at Kirisaki. I couldn't. "Yuuya, can I ask one more thing?" "Of course. Go ahead". "Are you...in love with Kurosaki-kun?" 

For a fraction of a second I could feel my heart stop beating. How did she know? Was this from last year when Urabe told her that me and Kurosaki were dating? Possibly. I finally looked at her. She wore an empty expression, her eyes concentrating on the ground below her feet. "Why are you saying that? What makes you think...?" "Am I right?" She asked, ignoring my question. I didn't say a word for several brief moment. I clenched my fists as they rested on my knees. What could I say? Dodge the question? Lie? I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to think as Kirisaki waited for my amswer. And then it came to me. It was the only way I could respond. "...Yes, you're right". I answered honestly with a heavy heart. I haven't even said it to Kurosaki yet but I have to admit it to Kirisaki. I never meant for this. "You mean you love him?" "...Yes. I love him". "And that's why you can't and won't date me?" "Yes, I'm very sorry". After a second of hesitation, Kirisaki stood up from the bench and walked in front of me. I looked up to see her face, expecting anger and tears. But..."Then, can I be supportive of you both?" It puzzled me for a second. I didn't try to speak as Kirisaki continued. "I want you to be happy, Yuuya. Kurosaki, too. And if you really do love him then I'll do my best to support you and I'll be a friend, okay?" Kirisaki was smiling as if satisfied with that position. I stood up too, bowing my head to her. "Thank you, Kirisaki. I really appreciate that". I stood straight again. "I'm glad. Um, I can head home myself. Don't worry about me, I'm not hurt as long as you're happy". "...". Kirisaki began to walk off, turning back for a moment to wave goodbye. "I'll see you tomorrow, and I hope you tell Kurosaki how you feel soon". "I will. Thank you again". She walked off into the distance and I, in turn, walked in my own direction. I wanted to go home, to see Kurosaki. It was a fair end to the day. I guess Kirisaki is finally giving up on me and just lending support for us both. That was good to know. I was relieved. Once I told Kurosaki everything would be fine. At least until he told Asai-san that he couldn't date her. Everything was normal for now. Tomorrow would be a new day. December was on it's way, and with that would come winter break. I had a few ideas for our winter break, which would make a nice conversation and put our minds at ease for the day. I looked forward to seeing Kurosaki, as I usual did. The rest of the day would be peace and quiet under a warm blanket during this cold day of November, the last month of autumn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the first person to bring this pairing back in the fanfiction world in years! Years godammit! Corpse party was made in 2008 and this is 2015, between then and now there have only been a few. A few! I brought it back in fanfictions and I am proud to have done so. But I think this pairing would have gotten more love if there was more Kurozami interactions in the other games, like alternate timeline stuff in Book of Shadows or actual yaoi moments in Hysteric Birthday. Well, I brought it back in fanfictions so I hope it's a good thing. I think it is, and I'm sure quite a few of my readers do to. I love writing this story and there is plenty more to come.


	39. I've Grown So Attached To Him

Kurosaki's POV

It was about time that I told Asai-chan that I have no feelings for him. Kizami did the exact same thing with Kirisaki, only she knew that we were dating and decided to support us in our relationship. It makes me happy that she wants to cheer us on. It shows how much of a good friend she is to us. This was a week after the culture festival. Things had gone back to normal at school. December would arrive soon, aling with the end of our second semester and winter break. Last year, Kizami celebrated Christmas with me and my family for the first time. It was nice and it was fun. Although we didn't get a chance to kiss under the mistletoe that year. I would like to this year. It would be like when we had our first kiss in junior high school. It's sort of embarrassing to think about now, but that moment was really special to us even if it was only a moment. I haven't really thought about it since then either, not even last Christmas. If I did we would have had a nostalgic moment under the mistletoe and would have kissed. So I was looking forward the upcoming Christmas this year, and then winter break. Kizami mentioned possibly going on a trip when it arrived. I thought it was a great idea, so that's a plan for then. We jjst had to decide when we would go and where we would go. I even looked forward to planning it with him. 

I went to school with Kizami as we usually did. The culture festival set up and decorations were gone and things were back to normal. I heard that the students who set up the camera in 2-3 got into trouble for it, massive trouble. It was only a small group of boys and girls, as it wasn't the intent of the rest of the class. But now a private room for couples was no longer allowed at the culture festival. It was a relief, really. School isn't the place for that sort of thing. We headed to class when the bell chimed. I handed in my form for my ideal future career. I knew what university I wished to attend, well...there were several. I still clung to the hope that I could get into the same university as Kizami in Nagoya. He was certainly intelligent enough to attend one of the top universities there. The only question now was if I was able to attend. I registered for the entrance exam when I had the time to do so. It would start at the end of November. Kizami would travel to Nagoya to take his entrance exam too, a few days before the end of November. I hoped from the bottom of my heart that he would be able to attend in April, when the new terms would start. If I couldn't get in, there was always Osaka, where we currently lived. If Nagoya didn't work out, I would take the entrance exam for Osaka and hopefully get in to one of their universities. I would be a little behind with the test, but I would still have a chance to get in. 

In December, our second semester exam would begin. This meant that we would have to do plenty of studying for then and the entrance exam I was going to take. Kizami had already dedicated himself to studying as well as spending time with me. He really was an amazing guy, no doubt. And I really looked up to him for those things, despite our equality in our relationship. I've always had respect for him. Aside from that I grew attatched to his gentle and sweet side. Just the other day I caught him petting our neighbours cat. It was purring and everything as he ran the base of his finger along it neck and the palm of his hand along it fur. He had such a straight face too, it was so cute. He used to really dislike animals before we started dating. I think he's still a little uncomfortable around dogs and hamsters, but he's learned to like them more than he used to I guess. It made me think, maybe we could go to a petting zoo for a date. It would be nice to get Kizami in touch with animals and it would be so cute to watch. But I think he prefers cats more than dogs, something docile and well-behaved like him. "Hey, Kizami?" I sat with him during lunch, like I usually did, and decided to ask him. "Do you wanna go to the animal shelter sometime? They let visitors come in to see the animals and spend time with them. I know you've gotten used to being around animals and maybe it could be good to be around more of them". "Oh, um...Sure. I just wouldn't go near the dogs. So noisy and disruptive". Some things never change. "Alright then. I'm glad. Maybe you can hold a hamster again". "No thank you". I chuckled as I was only joking. Kizami isn't a fan of hamsters either. He says they stink and die easily, so what's the point? Well I think they're cute and lovable so I have no problem being around them. I guess Kizami just has a problem with dogs and hamsters. I can just imagine Kizami as a cat, giving whoever adopted him an indifferent stare as he groomed himself. Yep, that sounded like him. But I'msure there would be times when he'd want to cuddle up with his carer, let them pet him and give him love. He would purr and roll on his back to recieve more attention without realising it. That's kind how Kizami is now. He may act tough and indifferent at first, but deep down he wants love and care. Seeing that side of him as changed the way I see him. Sometimes I feel that he's such a strong and reliable person while other times I find myself thinking that he's cute and sweet. I like both of those sides. They're both him, really. 

After school we went into town instead of going straight home. I called Mom to say that Kizami and I were going out for dinner that night so she and Dad could go ahead and spend time together without us. She replied by telling us to have a nice date and that she loved me and so on. I was so lucky to have such good parents. My free hand, as I put my phone away into my coat pocket, was still in Kizami's. I think he stopped caring about being in public when we held hands. Before he seemed like a man who cared about images and his composure. He's really changed so much, but I think that's a really good thing. In fact, it's amazing. His hand was warm, squeezing mine firmly but not painfully, as he usually did. It made me feel safe, but my heart still races a little. We've been dating for over two years yet I still get excited around him. I looked around the street we entered, recognising the stores and signs. We were around the animal shelter. "Come on, this way". I led Kizami a little down the way. He didn't argue or question it really, he only asked where we were heading. "The animal shelter. They let you go into pens and let you pet the animals, whether you're adopting or not". "I see. Well, alright. That sounds fine, I guess". I took Kizami to the right store, looking at the display in the window for a few moment. There were signs stuck to the window saying things like; 'Pets For Adoption', 'Dogs, Cats, Rodents, Birds and Reptiles' and 'Play Room Available Whether Wanting To Adopt or Just For Interaction'. I didn't wait much longer. I opened the door, Kizami letting go of my hand then. A bell chimed above the door, signalling customers. A young lady about college age stepped to the door from behind the counter. There were faint scents of animal feed and animal bedding in the air. Chirping of budgies and meowing of kittens filled the silence and rang out over our voices. "Good evening". The girl greeted, slightly bowing. "How may I help you? Are you looking to adopt or are you here to visit our petting zoo, or maybe both?" "Uh, can we see the animals please?" Sure, come this way". The girl led us to the back room of the store, where they kept the play pen. I doubted that a lot of animal shelters did this, but I guess it was a good idea to have people come in and see the animals first. I looked around the main part of the store, seeing that they sold items for pets. Beds, food and toys. This was, as I know of, the only pet store in this section of town. Plus there was housing around. People surely owned pets so this would be the place to come to. 

The play pen was welcoming, the lighting bright from above so that the animals weren't left in darkness. There were two pens with fences up to my knees, sothey wouldn't escape I guess. Inside those pens were rabbits and a family of cats. There were also cages and tanks for reptiles, birds and fish. They seemed to be families. "Wow...". I said quietly, standing above one of the pens. "Would you like to enter one?" I nodded, thanking the lady before I stepped over the rabbit pen. I sat down, sort of crossing my legs. They seemed both curious and a little frightened. I just held out my hand to one, carefully, and mumbled. "It's okay little guy. I'm not gonna hurt you. It's okay". One with a white coat and light brown patches approuched me caustiously, sniffing my finger tips first. It tickled. I took my time to carefully pick it up and hold it to my chest. I was gentle as I petted its soft fur. "Wow, is this a boy or a girl?" "That's a girl. We don't give them names because they're for people who wish to adopt". "She's cute. Kizami, come in here and say hi". Kizami seemed a little nervous at first, which was just as cute as the rabbit in my arms. He slowly entered the pen with me, kneeling down beside me. "Don't be tense, just hold out your hand and show that you're friendly. "O-okay...". Kizami slowly held out his hand to the small family, one or two taking interest and approuching him caustiously. See? He's not as scary as he looks. A rabbit with the same coat as the one I was holding approuched him first. It sniffed his fingers before Kizami decided to pet it. "That one is also a girl". The teller informed us, kneeling beside the pen to watch us interact with them. Kizami didn't hold the rabbit, he simply pet him from a short distance. It seemed to like him, it's eyes closed as it recieved a petting. Kizami was doing well for someone who used to dislike animals. The rabbit I was holding was practically falling asleep in my arms with it's eyes closed and it's ears pulled backwards. I hoped it wasn't in discomfort. "Do you guys want to stick around this pen or move on?" "Uh, we can stay her for a little while. I think they're starting to like us". "Heh, I understand. Take all the time you need". 

It was a nice experience to handle all those animals. We held them and fed them treats. Kizami insisted that we avoid the dogs, almost as if he was afraid of them. I doubted that but it sounded kinda funny coming from him. We left just when a family entered the store. A young woman with two kids. I only overheard that they wanted to adopt and that was it. We left the store, heading to get dinner. I was starving. "That was pretty cool, huh?" I asked Kizami, wanting to hear his thoughts. "I suppose". His vague answer didn't surprise me. He wouldn't have much to say as he's not a huge animal lover. I just left it at that as we walked down the street. "So, where do you wanna eat?" "How about at a sushi bar? The one I have in mind should still be open". "Okay, great. Let's go then, I'm starving". "You and me both". We walked through a few streets and arrived at the chosen sushi bar. We didn't go very often but it was nice. I don't think anyone actually takes food from the passing conveyor belts, we just order from behind those and recieve them fresh. Walking in, we sat at the counter in front of the moving conveyors. There was a pleasant smell that aired the area behind the moving dishes. "Everything here is so good. My stomach is going crazy". "I'm sure it is". I looked to Kizami. He smiled faintly. "Hey, Kizami?" "Yes...?" "About winter break...". It was on my mind for a while. I just couldn't wait to plan it out with him. "What about it? Do you still want to go on a trip?" "Yeah, absolutely. I was just wondering where you would like to go". "Well, I was thinking of Kyoto". "Kyoto...?" The countryside of Japan. We would be going there during winter too so it would be pretty cold, but..."Yeah, Kyoto sounds great. I heard the hotels are really cozy and that there are plenty of cool shrines to visit". "I'm glad. But anywhere is fine as long as I'm with you. If you want to go somewhere else-". "N-no way. I've always wanted to see Kyoto anyway, and it will even better with you". Kizami smiled, surely wanting to kiss me then. We were in public, however, so he would definitely save it for when we got home. "That makes me happy. There's still planning, though. When to go, what to pack, the places we can visit there". "Yeah, you're right. I look forward to it". "Me too". Kizami really has changed. I realised that a while ago, but it's obvious now. I've never seen him excited for a trip before, maybe because it was with me? I could imagine yes, it was because of me. That made me happy. There was so much coming up this winter. Exams, university entrance exams, Christmas, winter break, third term exams and then graduation. So much to do in what felt like so little time. But I would have something special the whole way, support and care. Support and care from my parents, m friends and from Kizami. University was nearing and I haven't been accepted to one yet. Only time will tell. My future isn't decided yet. But I hope, no matter where I am, that all support and care will be around the whole way. A part of me hopes that Kizami will be in my future too, right beside me like always. I've grown so attatched to him, I care about him, I... 

I love him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't very long, it wasn't intended to be. Next is a very special chapter even though it isn't that time of year yet in real life. So, I look forward to that.


	40. My Eighteenth Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas chapter! Yaaaaaay! Also, 40 Kudos and 40 chapters! Yaaaaaaay! I'm proud of this story and I'm happy that people actually like it. 40 chapters is the most I have ever written in a story and I used to write my stories, or fanfictions, in notebooks a lot. So I'm in a good mood and I hope this fanfic puts people who are vivid readers in a good mood. This pairing is amazing, the people who leave nice comments and kudos for this are amazing so thank you. I will continue this until it's finished but I'll try my best to put quality over quantity. So I'm going to start the next chapter. Thanks again.

Kizami's POV

Christmas. For the longest time this holiday as been one of the worst times of my life, but ever since that one year in junior high school it's gotten so much better. I feel happier when it comes around, especially now that I live with Kurosaki and his wonderful parents. I was a little uncomfortable last year but the family was good to me and to eachother. I really felt like a part of it. This year would be the same, I suppose. Kurosaki was really excited for Christmas and our upcoming trip to Kyoto. We talked over it, made plans and went shopping during one weekend. Since it would be quite cold we picked up all the essentials from clothing stores to the grocery store to pick up bathroom essentials. Even that was quite fun considering that Kurosaki goofed around in the changing rooms and making me laugh with his shenanigans. Anyway, Christmas day had arrived and right after that Kurosaki and I would be heading for our trip in the morning. So his parents decided to give us a really memorable Christmas. They bought in ingredients for a hot pot and had us dedorate the tree together. Once again I had the feeling of being a part of something, a part of a family. 

On the morning of that Christmas, Kurosaki came into my room to wake me up. I believe he climbed on top of me and touched the tip of his nose to mine before wishing me a Merry Christmas. I couldn't help but smile when I opened my eyes. "Good morning to you too". I said a bit sarcastically, but in a playful way. "You getting up? I wanna give you my gift already". "I know. You'll get mine too". Kurosaki raised himself from me, still kneeling with both knees at either side of my waist. I sat up, still feeling groggy. I kissed Kurosaki's lips sweetly before shooing him off. He got off of me and my bed, waiting for me to stand up too. "Come on, Mom and Dad are downstairs too so we can all exchange gifts". "Alright, alright. Can I get my pants on first? I'll see you there". "Okay, but hurry or we might start without you". "You wouldn't". Kurosaki laughed quietly at that before leaving my room. I took out a pair of sweatpants from my drawers, not wanting to go downstairs in my boxers. 

We, the four of us, exchanged gifts. Kurosaki and I put our money together to buy his parents a present each, and it was also Kurosaki's idea to make a card instead of buying one. It was sweet when he said that making it would be more meaningful. "Dear Mom and Dad,". His Mother read out loud. "Kizami and I want to thank you for another amazing year. You guys are the best parents we both could ask for. I love you lot's and I'm sure Kizami does as well, even if he doesn't say it out loud. P.S, Kizami did the amazing drawings on the card. Isn't he talented?" They both looked over the card with heartfelt smiles. To be honest Kurosaki's mind seemed to be in a muddle when he wrote it out, but I suppose he got his message across in the end. "That is so sweet. We love you too, the both of you". Those words...It's been a long time since a parent has said they love me. It was directed at both me and Kurosaki but...I felt it too, that they loved me. And somehow I knew that...they weren't lying to me. They were being honest about it. I didn't know what to think about that. 

"Now, here are your gifts, boys. I worked on them all year". Kurosaki's Mother gave us our gifts. In my hands the package was soft. Clothing? That was the first thought to enter my mind. We stripped the gifts of their paper and raised them up. They were indeed clothing items, both sweaters. Since this was homemade and for Christmas then it was obvious that these were not going to be plain and simple sweaters. "Aren't they cute? I thought about matching you two up but that would be embarrassing, although...". Different? The message wasn't very original. In fact, it was still quite embarrassing. Mine said 'I (Heart) Kensuke'. Kurosaki's was just the same, but with my first name instead. These were still very embarrassing. "Oh-ho, you are embarrassed. I sort of knew you would be, but do you still like them?" "You're messing with us, aren't you?" Kurosaki asked. "Of course we are, son". His Father answered. "However, those are your gifts. Your mother really did work on them all year". I looked at the sweater again. If she really worked hard on it then there was no point being ungrateful. "Thank you very much for these. I'll even wear it now". "K-Kizami...?!" Kurosaki was shocked, and it wasn't a surprise. I used to keep images, put on a façade and act tough. Not here, not today. I, for the longest time, actually felt like family here. It was like that last Christmas. I felt warm and welcome. I really felt like a part of this family. I pulled the sweater on, over my t-shirt. It was warm and smelled good. Kurosaki, for a few moments, looked over his sweater and smiled. "Thanks, you guys. This really is a nice present. I think I'll wear mine too. It's a little cold in here". Kurosaki slipped his on, the sleeves puffy and a little big for his arms. His parents were surprised by this, but then smiled. They didn't say another word about the sweaters and what we both did. "Right, time for breakfast. I'll make something special". "Let me help, dear". Kurosaki's parents stood up from the floor and headed to the kitchen. "Boys, could you set the table?" "Alright, of course". "Got it, Mom". We decided to help. This was already a good Christmas and I truly looked forward to the rest. 

It was a quiet day, even for a special day. All of us went out for a walk in the snow that had fallen the previous night. Shops were closed everywhere since it was a time to spend with family and friends. No one would be working, well not everyone. The outside was filled with children in their winter coats, building snowmen and having fights of snow with their friends. Some resteraunts and skating rinks would be packed for today, couples and friends enjoying the effects of winter. Kurosaki and I just walked behind his parents with our hands intertwind. No one could see as they were wrapped up in their own activities. We weren't ashamed to hold hands, but that was the limit. The house, when we returned, was quiet. We were taken out of the excitement of the outside world and shortly pulled back into our comfort zone. "Kizami, I have to show you something. Come upstairs". Kurosaki requested, taking my hand once our outdoor wear was off. "Oh, alright then. What is it?" "You'll see". His parents had gone into the living area while Kurosaki took me upstairs. "Remember when I went out for errands yesterday?" "Yes, I remember". "Well, when I was coming back I was given something that I had to keep until today". I wasn't sure where this was going, I guess I felt a little worried. I didn't ask any questions as I felt that whatever Kurosaki had would answer all of them. He took me into his bedroom and we sat on his bed. Kurosaki looked through the drawer of his side table until he finally pulled something out. "I'm sorry but I couldn't just throw it away. You had to see this, just to settle my curiousity". In his hand was an envolope, a red envolope with my name on the front. Kurosaki gave it to me and I hesitantely took it, fearing the worst possible thing. I already knew what this was. I opened the envolope, not saying a word. Insode was, of course, a Christmas card. The picture on the front depicted a teddy bear in an armchair, sitting by a fireplace that was decorated with cards and stockings. Whoever picked this out didn't put much thought into it. On the front it read; 'Merry Christmas, For A Special Little Brother'. My stomach ached just from reading those words. But there was no harm in reading the message. I opened it, still not speaking a word. A message was written inside which certainly had more thought than the card itself. 'Merry Christmas, Yuuya. We miss you so much, me and your brother. We won't ask you to come back because we know you're happier than when you lived with Mom and Dad. We wish you all the best for the years to come. We're so proud of you, Yuuya. I'm sure Kurosaki is making you happier than we ever could, but just know that we love you so, so much. - Haruna and Kouki'. I read over the card, no thoughts filling my mind. I wasn't sure what to think or how to feel. This card... 

"I'm sorry, Kizami". Kurosaki spoke up from the silence. I looked to his face, still saying nothing. He continued, sincerely. "I had to show you that card otherwise I would regret it. As distant as you are with your family I'm sure that your siblings are still thinking of you. I didn't want you to go on without knowing that". He was just being considerate, not wanting me to think badly of them. At least they got a card for today, and my eighteenth birthday. They said that they were missing me and that they loved me in that card too. I got the message and it was overused. But...I guess they are thinking of me. Kurosaki looked like he regretted his decision. He shouldn't. He was only thinking of me and the very fragile relationship between me and my siblings. Kurosaki didn't have siblings so he couldn't understand what it's like, but that doesn't mean he can't look out for me. I smiled, cupping his cheek that was still cold from the outside. I cupped the other as I leaned in to kiss his lips which were warmer than the rest of his skin. It was always a pleasant sensation. "Thank you very much". I said once I pulled away. "Really, I mean it. That's all I can really say as it's hard to describe my feelings about this card. But I'm glad that you gave it to me". Kurosaki smiled too, his regret vanishing. "I'm happy for you". I wondered, if only for a second, if I would ever speak to them again. I've always hated my siblings for their lies about how they loved me and everything. But that only came from my parents, this thought that the whole world was lying to me. It's only natural. One minute, for ten years of your life, they say that they love you more than anything in the world. The next, they shun you and abandon you because you don't live up to their expectations, because you're below those expectations. That's what it's like, and deep down I knew it was heart breaking. I grew up, however, and those feelings of heartbreak and abandonment vanished. All that was left was hatred, nothing but hatred. Those days are only gradually growing distant from me and happiness and safety draws closer with Kurosaki at it's core. He makes me happy, he makes me feel safe, he makes me feel like I actually matter. And I love him for that. "Kurosaki, tonight, after dinner...". I loved him. "...do you want to...". I loved him so, so much. "...go for a walk in the snow? Just the two of us". "Um, s-sure. Just the two of us". I looked back at the card, wanting to, somehow, keep it. I actually wanted to keep it. I guess Kurosaki gave me the courage to do so, like he's done with so many other things. I really do...I really do love him. 

Evening came around, as did a dinner without us having lunch. It was simply a big hot pot with different ingredients and a broth. Afterwards Kurosaki and I decided to go out for our walk. The sky was a dark blue, no stars could be seen from the living room window. It was almost pitch black, but the snow fell. It fell like the stars were falling from the sky and creating a clear white snow. In the darkness, street lights and passing cars being the only light around, we walked hand-in-hand. No one would see, no one would care. With our hands intertwind I could feel the warmth among the cold. Snow crunched under our shoes and breath of ice left our lips. But we walked forward with no destination in mind. When we did stop it was by the lake near the park. We could see it down below from the snow-covered slope. The lake glistened, the city lights right up ahead to create a beautiful view. "It's quite pretty, even without stars". Kurosaki said, no emotion crossing his face but a gentle smile. "Yeah, it is. The lights up ahead are like stars, I suppose". It was a truely magnificant sight, and although I would like to stay there and watch the cities stars forever with Kurosaki, I wasn't sure how long I could wait. Impatient, eager, desperately wanting to get my message across to him. I squeezed Kurosaki's hand which was still warm from my own palm. He didn't react. "This year's gone by so fast. I really can't believe it's almost January". "There's still winter break so don't worry". We were going on our trip the next day, taking the bullet train in the morning and heading to the hotel. We made plans of where to go and what to do while we were there. "Have you recieved news about Osaka? The university?" Kurosaki...incidentally didn't get into Nagoya, so he tried for the entrance exam for a univeristy in Osaka. "Yeah, actually. I got in". "...I'm happy for you. Really. I only wish our universities were closer". I got into Nagoya. This meant that I would be moving away in April to start university there. It was quite sudden but I had been planning on it for a while. "Me too, but it can't really be helped". We were silent for a moment, watching the lake drift away. Kurosaki squeezed my hand too, as if tense."Kizami, I...". He began before I had a chace to speak, but I listened and was still in the next moment". "I'm in love with you...". 

He was quiet, but still appeared to have tried his best to say it clearly. His hand shook a little in mine which was unsettling. But I was happy that he said it. It gave me a boost of confidence and joy. Kurosaki was silent, waiting for a reply which I wanted to give. "I...I love you too". Kurosaki looked to my face. He was quite surprised but seemed glad as a smile curved on his lips. "That makes me happy". He said calmly. "I..I've wanted to say it for a while and I still think I should have said it sooner, but I'm happy that I said it more later than never". "I feel the exact same way". I guess we always loved eachother, we were just slow when it came to saying it out loud. There was still the aspect of being a man dating another man, both admitting that they're in love with the other. But it seemed easy to get passed when we were honest and said how we felt truthfully. I've never really been able to express my feelings right away. They bottle up inside me as I hope that they go away. I can't do that anymore, I will never do that again. Honesty is what builds up trust and, for us, that trust turns into love and a need to care for someone special. That was Kurosaki to me. A harsh chill passed us by, causing Kurosaki to move closer towards me and to cling to me as he shivered. I held onto him, shivering a little myself. "W-we should probably go home". He suggested, his face a little red for having to huddle so close to me. "Yeah, but...Just one thing before we leave". "What's tha-mn!" Once Kurosaki raised his head out of curiousity, I pressed my lips to his. They were cold and cracked and they hurt, but it didn't hurt as much as the thumping in my chest. My heart was killing me with this overwhelming feeling of what is defined as 'love'. I really loved Kurosaki. So much so that it actually hurt. If I were to ever lose him...I would be a broken man, to put it bluntly. I'm not totally dependant on him I just want him by my side for as long as possible. Even when we graduate, even when I move away, even when I go to a different university in another city. I still want to hold onto this feeling, right next to the place for Kurosaki which I will always have in my heart. This feeling and him, combined together and almost making my heart burst and overflow with happiness. In that moment under the falling snow and the city's stars up ahead I wished dearly that my time with Kurosaki would never end. Graduation was closer but I couldn't say anything as the days passed by. I couldn't stop myself from moving to Nagoya and I couldn't be dependant on Kurosaki's parents either. But it would be difficult to not see Kurosaki for god-knows how long, to talk to him, to kiss him like I was then. It broke my heart to think about, so I didn't. Not in those few moments of our lips connected by the cracks, anyway. I wish it could be like this forever, but to no avail...it wouldn't be.

We returned to the house, cold and yearning for the warmth of our beds. Kurosaki went for his bath first, kissing my cheek before heading upstairs. I decided to make a hot drink for him when he finished washing up. I could provide snacks too. "Is it alright if I make some hot drinks?" I asked Kurosaki's Mother, still acting like a houseguest rather than a part of the family. "There's no need to ask for permission anymore. Go right ahead. We have some leftover dumplings if you would like those too". "Oh, yes, please". I took out the stuff to make hot chocolate, two spoons, two mugs. "Kurosaki likes cream and marshmellows, doesn't he?" I asked. "Yes, he does. I was sure you would know that". "I do, just double checking". "Alright then". Kurosaki's Mother placed some leftover dumplings comfortably into a pot of boiling water. I looked over at it, a little puzzled. "Will it be alright to reheat them like that?" "Yes, of course. It may taste a little different from when they're fresh but they should still be delicious". My stomach grumbled a little when the scent of dumplings filled the kitchen. "I'm sure Kurosaki would like those. He has quite an appetite, afterall". "It's true. I remember when he was little and I had the habit of making too much since I wanted him to grow up big and strong. He ate a good majority, almost equal to the amount his Father ate". I smiled at that. Kurosaki did like food when he was younger. He was never overweight, he just had a good appetite and burned it off with sports and generally running around outside. He was always so full of energy and still is. "Yuuya, it may be none of my business but I have to ask...". "Hm...?" I hummed in response, not knowing what was in store for me. "Do you love Kensuke?" I was still. This wasn't the first time I heard that question, but it still surprised me. I couldn't lie, however. I just nodded, a solemn feeling stirring within me. "I'm glad. He should have someone like you to love him, and I assume he loves you just the same". I nodded again, feeling a bit speechless. "Just as long as there's love then happiness isn't too far away. And you are happy, aren't you?" "Yes, ma'am". "No need to be so formal, dear. I'm only asking that you make Kensuke happy and I really hope he does the same for you". Of course. He's the reason for my happiness. "He does". "Good. These dumplings will be ready soon. Can you manage?" "Yes...". She left the kitchen, leaving me to handle everything. I didn't mind, though. She was being supportive enough which I greatly appreciated. If only that was my Mother, the woman who never breastfed me and neglected me when she saw my true colours. I guess the breastfeeding thing was foreshadowing enough. It shows that I've never been close to her. I don't think I ever will, but I don't exactly consider her my Mother anymore. I'm dead to her already so there's no need for me to say the same about her. With that I sighed and tried to forget about it. But it made me want to see her and tell her that she's dead to me too, just like the rest of my family. 

I went upstairs with a tray of hot chocolate and dumplings. I was still chilly from the cold so it wouldn't be long until I bathed too. I knocked on Kurosaki's door before being granted permission to enter. "Hey, Kizami. What have you got there?" Kurosaki sat up, book in hand, eyeing the tray in my hands. He turned on the lamp next to him to get a better look once I brought it over. "Your Mom had leftover dumpling so we can eat them as a snack for tonight". "Awesome. Thanks for the food". Kurosaki was so eager that he quickly clapped his hands together and said thanks before quickly picking up his chopsticks. I set the tray down on the bedside table before sitting next to him with my hot chocolate. "Try the hot chocolate too, it's good". "I will". He spoke with his mouth full which made me chuckle. "Haha, mind your manners". "Sorry...". He apologised after swallowing his food in one big gulp. He was so cute. He took a sip of his hot chocolate, cream covering his top lip before he licked it off. "Wow, that's good. I feel warmed up already". I sipped it with anticipation and I just stared for a moment. I didn't know I was until Kurosaki looked at me with curious eyes. "What's up?" "O-oh, nothing. Sorry". I immediatly looked away, embarrassed, and sipped my drink. At the corner of my eye I could see that Kurosaki's eyes were still on me. His mug touched the wood of his bedside table and the bed creaked quietly. I then felt Kurosaki's soft cheek on the muscle of my arm, just under my shoulder, and his arm go around my back to hold me close. "Kizami, could you say it again?" "...Say what?" "Do you have to ask? You know what I mean". A smile was on his lips but he was perfectly serious so I followed his request, wrapping my arm around him too and whispering by his ear. "I love you, Kurosaki". "Again, please". "I love you". "I love you, too. So, so much". He was enticing me, wanting to hold me and be intimate with me. I couldn't really help it either. I stood to place my mug on the bedside table, next to Kurosaki's. I then, instead of sitting back down, pushed Kurosaki onto his back and allowed the mattress to creak under us. My knees and arms were trembling a bit as I tried to hold myself up, but I held a confident but loving demeanor. "Kurosaki...". I whispered his name, his arms depending on my neck as they wrapped around the nape. I was pulled closer to his face with our noses just touching at the tips. What was going to happen? I had no idea but I was extremely curious and...excited. 

Our cracked lips met, moulding together softly. This was...really exciting for some reason. I felt like we would go beyond just kissing, like something big was going to happen. This just excited me more. Kurosaki's fingers ran through my hair from the back and almost clawed into the skin of my head. His breathing was becoming a little erratic when I parted his lips with my tongue and dove right in. It was warm and wet, the sensation somehow emphasised. What was this feeling? I couldn't possibly be aiming for..."that". I pulled away, a saliva string still connecting our sore lips. "Kizami...I love you". "Me too. Me too, Kurosaki". I cupped his cheek, kissing the other one repeatedly as I repeated those words. I wanted it to get through to him so he would never forget it, it must have been the same on his end. I kissed down his jaw and chin and then to his neck. Our hands interwtind to the side as I smothered his neck. "Mn...!" A short moan escaped Kurosaki's shut lips. Where was this going? What was I doing? The thoughts circulated without an answer coming to mind. Even so I couldn't stop. Kurosaki and I were becoming adults, ages seventeen and eighteen. We had been dating for nearly three years. That seems like such a long time. For a lot of couples they would consider silly things like marriage by now. We were only just getting excited over going further than before. Before it was kissing, cuddling, hickeys. Now we seem eager. Eager to travel past those and do something new and thrilling. Something to bring us even closer and build up even more trust than we already have. Could we really go through with it this time? I didn't know and a part of me didn't actually want to know. I don't think I was ready, but the excitement pushed me forward. "Kizami, I love you so much". Kurosaki was panting, his excitement and anticipation growing as I raised his shirt to kiss his chest and belly. "I love you too. I love you, Kurosaki". It didn't matter how many times we said it. My heart was still pounding and my cheeks were flushed red. This was moving so fast that I couldn't stop. I could have, but I wasn't. Kurosaki wasn't protesting either. I kissed Kurosaki's lips again, falling into a deep trance by his kisses and his sweet scent. His name repeated in my head over and over. I had to have some restraint, but I couldn't stop. My mind was going at a different pace from my racing heart. But I continued to kiss Kurosaki deeply inspite of both. I was hesitant but excited. Unwilling but determind to carry on and see where the night took us. The might have been it. I spread out Kurosaki's legs to kneel comfortably inbetween them. My breathing grew heavy and an almost unbearable cramped feeling formed inbetween my legs. My knees were shaking and my whole body was heating up, although still cold. I wanted Kurosaki. I needed it him in that desperate moment of lust and wanting. There was no restraining my actions, but I felt that there had to be limits. Otherwise I felt that I would lose control completely, especially when I felt Kurosaki's own cramped spot between his legs. It enticed me, pushed me onward, made me want him more. But how far would it actually go this time? 

To Be Continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a tease, I know. Also, just to note, I haven't given up on Hysteric Birthday, I was just extremely lazy to continue and wanted to concentrate on this instead. I won't delete it because I would like to finish it. I haven't stopped if anyone is wondering. I'm about halfway through the third chater and will update it eventually unless people think it's only worth deleting and moving away from it.


	41. Going On A Trip, Alone With Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited the last paragraph of chapter forty, by the way. I fixed it, even if it's still a tease. So enjoy that if you want to go back, and then enjoy this next chapter. So, enjoy!

Kurosaki's POV

I paid for the snacks and drinks at the counter, the nice young lady telling me to have a nice day with a cute smile on her lips. This store, this small and convenient store which was set up in the train station was worth visiting when going on a trip, along with many other's. Today me and Kizami were finally going to Kyoto. We would be there for a week plus one day, so eight days all together. Everything was ready for then after checking weather forcasts and different spots to visit. We had packed all essentials and made a list of places to go. However..."Oh, you're back. Did you get snacks and things?" "Oh, yeah. Um, Kizami, we don't have to go if you're not up to it". "I'm fine, really. This isn't a bi-...ii-...A-achoo!" Kizami sneezed inside his mask, cradling himself under his big winter coat. Yes, he ended up catching a cold and has been unwell since this morning. Even so he wanted us to go on this trip. "Ugh, gross". He groaned, taking off his mask to clean his nose with a fresh tissue. "Ah, I bought more at the store. Here". I gave him another packet of tissues and a mask to cover his nose and mouth. "Thank you". He sniffled. I sighed, sitting next to him with the bag in my hand. "Do you want your hot cofee now, or...?" "I'll have it on the train". "Don't be stubborn, it'll warm you up". Kizami hesitated before taking the hot can of coffee from my hand. "Thank you". After putting on another mask, after throwing out the last one, he lowered it to sip his drink. "What else did you get?" "Uh, soup drinks, tea, coffee, mochi for me and cold packs". "Idiot, you're being too considerate of me". "Of course I am. I even bought medication in case you feel sick or get a fever". He already had a fever, but this was in case it got worse. I already felt bad about going on the trip, no matter how he argued that we should go anyway. This probably meant that we couldn't do any of the things that I had planned, but Kizami's health was way more important!

"The train should arrive soon. Are you feeling alright? You could get sick on the bullet train and-". "I won't. It'll be okay. I'm sorry for making you worry, but I don't want to ruin this for us. We need this trip. I want to spend as much time with you as possible right now, even if I am sick". My heart pounded. I knew what Kizami was talking about. He would be moving away after the last exam to start university in Nagoya. So I understood why he said that, because I felt the same way. It's not as if we wouldn't see eachother again. We would only be able to see eachother on rare occasions, depending on how much free time we would have. Once the train pulled up, we took our bags, got on and found empty seats. They were comfortable, the windows next to them wide so you could watch the world fly by. This was the bullet train, after all. I looked to Kizami, feeling bad for him. I probably shouldn't say that since it would greatly damage his pride, but it was true. I hated seeing him in such a miserable condition. What caused it was probably from last night. Last night...We almost...I mean, we did...stuff but we didn't do "it". That night Kizami was cold, his whole body cold from outside and the snow. He didn't go for a bath at a good time so he got sick I guess. We just got distracted by the kissing and nipping and even a little biting and the...rubbing. It was the first time I became sexually aroused because of a man and I was a little scared. It hurt a little but also felt good between the friction against our pants and other things. It makes my face hot to think about it. Even if there was only grinding and making out I still...got a release from it and I seriously think Kizam did too. It was our first time so we were both shaking and panting heavily. There was a bit of moaning and we told eachother that we loved the other. It was kind of special and it was the furthest that we've ever gone. After that we stopped and I convinced Kzami to go for a bath already because he was really cold. That's probably what caused his sickness. 

I smiled at him as the train began to move away from the station. He looked up at me from his drink, looking puzzled. "What is it? Is there something on my face?" I shook my head. "No, I just...I'm glad we got to go on this trip. I just wish that you weren't sick". "Well, I am. There isn't much we can do. But this won't ruin our time together, I promise". "Of course not, even if I have to stay with you in the hotel. I'm more than happy to". Kizami's cheeks seemed to grow a little more red, even though it was hard to tell. My cheeks were a little red anyway from thinking about the night before. Kizami sniffed, pulling his mask back up since there were people entering the same train car. I sat back with a can of tea in hand. Staring out the window I watched as we past the city of Osaka. This would be a long ride, but it should have taken us into the afternoon. So I just relaxed, and began to indulge in conversation with Kizami. I loved our conversations, after all. 

The late afternoon arrived when we did. The station wasn't as packed, maybe a few students and other people made the place a little crowded but that was all. Kizami ended up nearly vomiting on the train, his face pale as he tried to keep it down. It was pretty cold at the moment so I was afraid his comdition would get worse from the outside. I waited in front of the men's restroom, waiting with worry in my thoughts as Kizami emptied his guts. It was only a few hours since we had a snack too. Kizami had a strong immune system so this illness must have been bad. I didn't want him to feel like this. When he finally exited, his face still pale, I asked if he was okay with obvious concern in my voice. "I'm alright. It was just a bit of motion sickness, that's all". "That's a bad lie". "I know, but can we leave it at that? Please?" Kizami didn't want me to worry, but how could I not?! He was my boufriend and I...loved him. If he became terribly ill then I would worry for him. "Let's get going. The least we can do is rest at the hotel". That's what I wanted, yes, but Kizami needed more rest than I did. He needed warm blankets, fluids and me to take care of him. No matter what he said.

Outside of the station, snow covered the pavements in the streets. People walked around with big coats and scarves, doing whatever business they had whether it was shopping or heading home from work. Kizami and I headed straight to the hotel with our bags. There was supposed to be a hot springs nearby that I wanted us to visit, but that seemed unlikely now. We had requested for a japanese style room since we haven't slept in a futon since we were toddlers. There was, to my understanding, a futon and a loft bed in the corner of the room. When we did enter the room I was immediatly amazed. "Wow, this is awesome. I've never been in a japanese style room before". I rarely went to hotels so that was only natural. "Me neither. It's quite cozy". Kizami looked around the room, seemingly comfortable. "It is. Um, you can have to loft bed if you want". "I don't really like sleeping in heights. Can I please have the futon?" "Oh, sure. If you're more comfortable there. Just know that you're getting a lot of bedding so that you're nice and warm". Kizami rolled his eyes. I didn't care if I was being a bother. He needed rest and warmth. "I think you're being a little overprotective but I see what you mean. I'll take your word for it". Kizami finally took off his coat, folding it neatly and placing it on a table. He kept his mask on, possibly not wanting me to catch it. Of course he wouldn't but I suppose he was being cautious. "It's nice and warm in here so we can just rest for now. If you're still feeling bad we can stay in the room and eat. We'll order room service and everything". "I would like to go out to dinner with you at some point. I refuse to be stuck in the room with you having to take care of me. We should both be enjoying this trip". He says that but his condition would most likely worsen. If that was the case then I would have to take care of him. That was fine by me.

It was best just to stay in the hotel for today and rest since it was quite a long trip. Kizami said he felt kind of faint so I persisted that he stay in bed for a while until I got dinner for us both. I even set up his futon, making sure to add two blankets for warmth. He lay down, still wearing his clothes and his mask, turning on his side to watch me read the instructions for the medication capsules. "It says to take two if age twelve or over, to take after eating and to wait at least four to five hours before taking another one. Ehh, consume with water or a cold drink and be careful not to overdose. Easy enough. I can give you one once we've eaten dinner since you should already have an empty stomach". He did throw up, after all. "Okay, thanks. I might just sleep for now since I'm feeling a little dizzy. But don't worry, it should go away once I have and then maybe we can go somewhere-kuh!" Kizami choked before coughing into his face mask. "Sshh, relax. Don't try to speak. Is your throat sore?" He nodded. "Ju-uh...kuh! Just a little". "Here, I'll go grab some water. I think I bought some earlier". I stood up and went for the paper bag on the table, quickly searching through it until I found the bottle of water. "Can you sit up?" I asked, kneeling down beside him. "I don't think so. I think my arms and legs fell asleep already". "You're hopeless when you're sick". "And I'm rarely ever sick". His voice croaked a little from his coughing. I needed to get him up. Placing the bottle down, I moved around behind him and raised his head to rest it on my lap. "Here, and don't choke". Kizami smiled, parting his lips when I tilted the open bottle to his lips and allowed the water to flow past them. I was careful as not to tilt ot too much or cause to water to run too fast. If he chocked and coughed again then he could end up losing his voice for a while. I pulled it away slightly. "Want more?" Kizami shook his head at that, which was my cue to twist the cap back onto it's bottle and to put it down. I let Kizami rest his head on my lap for a while longer, seeing him smile. "You're lap's really warm. I could fall asleep here". "You can if you want". "No, if I actually did that then you would be sruck until I woke up again". That was true, but I wanted Kizami to be comfortable. I stroked his hair, my hand travelling from his forehead to his messy black hair. His black bangs would flick back slightly ever time my hand released them. Kizami weakly pulled his mask up to his mouth and nose, closing his eyes with a sniffle. "I thought you weren't gonna sleep". "I won't. I'm resting my eyes since the light is scorching them. I don't want you to move just yet either". "I won't". I continued petting his hair. This was the first time I was taking care of Kizami when he was ill. He never really became ill since his system was so strong. He looked after himself properly to prevent colds. Last night we just got distracted and he ended up freezing. 

Later, Kizami fell asleep soundlessly and peacefully. I was right next to him the whole time, preparing cold packs for his forehead and covering him up with his blankets. He was asleep now so that gave me a chance to get dinner. I tucked him in, leaving the lamp on next to him. "I'll be back soon, Kizami". I kissed his forehead without his knowledge. "Sleep well, okay?" I shifted the bangs from his eyes before standing up. The phone reception was off line due to the snow so everyone had to make an order via reception at the restraunt downstairs if anyone wanted food. It was a terrible inconvenience but nothing could be done until the phones came back. I left the room, feeling worried about Kizami even if he was safe there. I ordered our food and waited at one of the tables, like everyone else. People were pretty angry about the inconvenience but there was no point complaining since complaining wouldn't make the situation and easier. That's what Mom used to tell me. It took a while since there were a few people before me, but I managed to retrieve dinner. Hot soup for Kizami and a ramen dish for me. I headed up to the room, carefully treading the steps with the tray in hand. When I reached the room and opened the door, I gasped in shock. 

I quickly put the tray down and rushed to Kizami's side. He was visibly hot: panting, sweating and shivering. He must have felt cold, despite the heat. "Kizami! Shit, are you alright?" He didn't answer. "H-hold on, I'll clean you up and give you medicine". He had an empty stomach but he needed medication. I ran for it, getting to the plastic bag from earlier and digging around for medicine. I found it quickly, retrieving more water before returning to Kizami's side. "Alright, I'll help you sit up. Nice and easy". I raised Kizami up from his lying position, hearing him gag. "Easy, easy". I picked up the basin that I left right beside him in case he was sick. It probably built up while he was lying down. "It's okay, Kizami. Sshh, ssh...". He gagged a little more before finally letting it out into the basin. I rubbed circles into his back to try and comfort him. "It's okay, just let it out. Ssh...". I kissed his shoulder, hoping to be of some comfort while he went through that pain. He eventually finshedl looking pale still and panting with heavy breath. "Are you alright?" I asked, receiving a weak nod. "Y-yeah, I think. I still feel a little sick". "That's okay. Take your time". I rubbed his back, also receiving a small smile from him. I wanted him to be okay. I knew he would be, I just hated him going through so much pain. It hurt me just as much, more emotionally than physically. It used to be that Kizami would take care of me, would be the big brother and the bully-reppelent. It was strange for me to be the one taking care of him, but I wanted to. I wanted to be the one to look after him instead of the other way around. I wasn't entirely sure why. Perhaps it was based on my role as a boyfriend, and the fact that no one used to take care of Kizami before. He may act tough but deep down he was hurting. "Thank you, Kurosaki". He thanked me, keeping the basin close. I didn't respond. I just kept my arm around him, my lips to his shoulder in comfort. 

That night, once Kizami had calmed down and relaxed, I tried to feed him something. He said he didn't want to vomit again, but I persisted. "You have to, otherwise you'll lose weight and it'll be harder for you to get better". "I appreciate your concern but I don't want you to have to clean that basin again. I'm fine going hungry for one night". "I'm not. Please, Kizami. I'm begging you. Do it for me". I held the spoonful of soup close to his lips, praying in my heart that he would at least take a couple of bites. "Just a few and I can give you some medicine. Please, for me?" Kizami paused, looking to the spoonful of soup and then to me. He sighed into his mask, lowering it and parting his lips towards me. I smiled in relief. "Thank you. Now, open wide". I fed him, seeing him gulp it down and hold his hand to his lips. "Are you okay?" He nodded after a moment, allowing me to fee him more since he wss too weak to do it himself. He said it made him feel like a child, but there was nothing wrong with that. I fed him a few spoonfuls before he shook his head and said that he had enough. "Alright, at leasy you ate something. Medication next. Can you get that yourself?" "Yeah, I think so". I gave him the water and two capsules. He swallowed the capsules with the water before passing them back. "Maybe you should drink more too. Come on, it isn't much". "You'll be the death of me, Kurosaki". I laughed at that, shaking my head. "Just drink up". He did as he was told, thankfully. Kizami lay right back down and crawled under his covers with his head still above them. He sighed, wanting sleep obviously. His cold was already getting worse, but it would definitely get better soon. "Thank you, Kurosaki". "It's no problem. Just get some rest". I was about to stand to get ready for bed when I felt my sleeve being pulled. "Kizami...?" "Could you...stay here tonight? Right next to me, I mean". I was speechless. Kizami, asking for that? I blushed a little, butmagreed to it with a smile. "Okay, I will. Just hang tight. I need to have a bath and I'll help you tomorrow, okay?" He nodded, eyes closed. That night I set up an extra futon instead of using the loft bed. It was right next to Kizami's. I lay there, facing him as he slept and reached my hand out to hold his in comfort. Not just for him, but kinda for myself. Knowing that Kizami was right beside me was a good thought. Knowing that he was sleeping without a shaky hand or a desperate grip helped. I closed my eyes too, listening to the silence and Kizami's odd breathing behind the mask. I hoped that he would be better the next day. I hoped he would feel better. I hoped he would smile more during this trip. I loved him so much that it hurt. It hurt to see him in pain. But it wouldn't last. I knew it wouldn't, of course. Perhaps I could visit a shrine and make a wish for him. A wish that he would smile more during the trip and get well soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weird end to the chapter, but there is more of this. I'll do two more chapters of the winter break trip. After that it is a new year's chapter. And then...maybe the last chapter of their high school years. Oooooh...Look forward to that. It'll be beautiful. Thanks for reading, it will continue soon. :)


	42. He's Kind, Loving and Has A Big Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back for more - of course I am! I love this story!

Kizami's POV

I wasn't sure how long I slept for until morning. All I knew was that I was still very sick. Upon actually waking my throat was sore, my nose was blocked and my head sore. I sniffled into my mask, wanting to reach for a tissue, but couldn't. Something warm was wrapped around my cold, sweaty body aside from the blankets. I looked down to see none other than Kurosaki. Last night I think he just held my hand so I had no explaination as to why he was hugging me so tightly as if trying to stop me from leaving. How could I go anywhere? I was too weak to even sit up on my own. So I had no explaination whatsoever. I layed like that for a while, awake and enjoying Kurosaki's warmth and security. I hugged him too, my covered lips and nose buried into his hair. This was nice, it always was. Today it just seemed to lift my spirits more. To see him care so much, it made me feel better without medication or cold packs. Even if for a little while. I smiled, one that couldn't be seen through my white, dull face cover. I couldn't feel the pleasure of kissing the top of his head with affection, with barrier keeping that pleasant feeling split in the middle. I could take the mask off. I could risk it and kiss him, but possibly spreading germs. It wasn't mouth to mouth, but you never know. So I used the barrier instead of bringing it down. I leaned my head forward and closed my eyes again, drifting into the moment, drifting to find the pleasure in kissing the top of his head-despite the white wall between us. I pressed my covered lips to his skin, although not being able to feel the softness of his skin or even the real warmth, I took in the moment and accepted it. It may have been unsatisfying, but there was nothing I could do. At least, not until I was better. 

My sleeping companion shifted under me, groaning quietly. He was waking up. I didn't let go of him. I couldn't help but hold him still, wanting him to see me hugging him, wanting him to smile when seeing us this way. Kurosaki's grip around me tightened, his hair tickling my chin and his sweet scent intoxicating. Strange, I can't smell much else but his familiar scent breaks through both barriers. "Mnn...hmn? Kizami?" He called for me in a weak voice, inhaling into my chest as he awoke. "Good morning, Kurosaki". He finally looked up at me and, as I expected, he smiles. "Good morning, Kizami". He cupped my cheek, brushing his thumb against the hot skin. "You're really hot and a bit sweaty. Um, are you still weak?" I nodded. "Yeah, sadly. I can't move, nevermind stand up and walk. I have zero energy-which I'm sorry about. We can't go out again". "Don't worry. Um, I think I'll have to clean you up then". "Huh? What?" "I have to give you a bed bath, you're all sweaty and hot. Wait here while I wash my face and get a basin on water". Kurosaki let go of me, getting up from the futon. "Can you turn on your back?" "I can try". I pushed myself using my arms and whatever strength I had in my legs. I did manage to lie on my back, the heat and sweat invading my back. It was very uncomfortable. "Right...Wait there and I'll get the things we need. I hooe you don't mind". "No, of course not. We're both adults so there's no point in being embarrassed". It was true. Although we were lovers and although we were both men, there was no point in being embarrassed when we've seen eachother naked before and have taken baths together before. It may, however, still feel awkward since Kurosaki will be looking right at me and washing me. It made me feel totally hopeless, like and old man in hospital. 

Kurosaki returned to my side eventually, wearing a change of clothes and carrying several things. A basin of water, a cloth over one wrist and a new set of cothes over the other arm. He set these things down carefully, kneeling beside me. "Right...". He said, clapping his hands together. "Are you sure about this?" "Yes, it's fine". "If you say so, but if it gets too embarrassing then just close your eyes and think of something else". Now that was embarrassing. My face heated up. That sounded like a dirty thing to say, or was it just me? "Okay, I'm gonna take your clothes off now". "Kurosaki...". "Yeah, Kizami?" "You don't need to commentate, this process won't be any easier if you do". "Oops, s-sorry". We both smiled, blushing slightly. Kurosaki leaned over me, lifting my sweater up and carefully taking it off. My shirt underneath was soaked in sweat, which was the friction over my skin and sweat that caused me to be uncomfortable. The material rubbed against my back a I lay down, causing me to fidget and shift. Kurosaki, without a word, began to unbutton it. His face only grew more red as he could see my torso through the soaked fabric. I smirked but said nothing. The shirt was removed and folded to the side with my sweater. He then wrung out the damp cloth, leaning over me. Once the cloth met my flushed skin I lost my voice. "Haahh...!" I gasped, arching my back on reflex. The water was cold and my skin was sensitive to it. Kurosaki retracted it on his own reflex. "Sorry, are you alright?" "Ye-yes, it just tickled. Please, continue". This was inredibly intimate, even when it wasn't intended. Kurosaki hesitently continued, wiping my flushed skin with the cloth. Across my abs and abdomen, my chest, my ticklish sides, under and over my arms. I held back my lips in the hope to muffle any moans and gasps. 

Once he cleaned my neck and face, with another cloth, he spoke once again. "Are you ready for me to wash your back?" I nodded. "Okay, I'll just turn you over". Kurosaki helped me onto my side carefully. I couldn't see what he was doing bbut I could hear the cloth being dipped in the water and wrung out again. When I felt the cloth slide down my spine, I couldn't hold back. "Haah-ahn!" I arched it, accidentally letting out an embarrssing moan, even behind my mask. "Kizami? Are you alright?" I couldn't answer as I bit my lip in embarrassment. The heat of my face would have been suffocating if Kurosaki didn't wash it. I was shivering, wanting to curl up in a ball. Such shame...I never thought I would experience it. "Are you sensitive here?" Kurosaki mumbled, surprising me. "It's okay if you are. I have sensitive sides and, just between us, I have sensitive thighs". He was trying to make me feel better. It did a little, if only a little. I appreciated it, nonetheless. "I'll be gentle, okay?" Idiot, that would only make it worse. Kurosaki ran the cloth over every inch of my sensitive and broad back. I held back my voice with only some success. I gasped sometimes and even groaned. It was so humiliating, but Kurosaki was the only one there to see and hear me. Somehow, it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. "There all done. I can do your legs now, but I should probably get rid of this old bedding while you're on your side". Kurosaki carefully pulled the hot bedding from under me. I was then turned on my back again, my side sore from the hardwood floor. The flooring was cool and tickled within contrast to my slightly warmer body temperature, but that wasn't all. Kurosaki moved around to face me again, and I just realised the cramped feeling...The familiar feeling from two nights ago. It was hot and crushing. 

I panted, turning my head away. No, not now. It tingled with heat, pressing against my clothing. It was already unbearable. Kurosaki reached for my belt buckle, and I weakly grabbed his wrist. "K-Kurosaki, wait. D-don't". With watery eyes, I could barely speak. I wasn't looking at Kurosaki either, making the situation a lot worse. "Kizami? What are you...". Kurosaki's words trailed off, just as he realised what was going on. He was quiet for a moment before pulling his hand away and continuing to undo my belt. "W-wait, don't!" I pleaded, my pants being unzipped and pulled down until they were off. I moaned a little at the free feeling, the air surrounding my "issue" was cool in contrast with the heat. I pressed my knees together in order to cover up, but it was in vain. "Kizami, it's okay. Look at me. I don't judge you". I slowly opened my eyes, looking to see Kurosaki...smiling at me with kind eyes. He reached his hand to me, petting my hair. "Don't worry about it. I'll help take care of it, since you obviously can't do it yourself". I was in shock. "Wh-what?! What do you-hmn!" "Ssh, if you don't want me to then I won't but...". Kurosaki kissed my cheek, cupping the other. "I don't want you to suffer with it". My face was hot and I was shivering. This was something that I couldn't say no to. I was too weak to even wash my own face. "Kurosaki...". I gave into it, most of the embarrassment fading away. Kurosaki kissed my cheek lovingly. The thought of this actually happening was unbearable. It would be the most physical contact we've had since two nights ago, on that Christmas evening. "W-wait, I c-can't. This will...mke a bigger mess". "Then I'll just clean you up again. I don't mind". "B-but-mnah!" "Kizami, I love you". I panted, uable to control my lust and want. "I...love you too. Kuro-mn! Mn-nah-aah!" "Kizami...". This feeling...It was new and exciting and nreathtaking, especially without any energy in my body. I could do nothing but lay there and experience it for the first time in my life. 

I sat quietly in the corner, wearing fresh clothes with a refreshing feeling over my body. But I was exhausted. Exhausted from what just happened. Once again, we didn't go as far as to have sex, but...Kurosaki touched me and...Thinking about it made me blush. It was the first time I was ever touched and it fet good. Amazing, actually. I did feel guilty, though. It hung over me as I watched Kurosaki set up the new bedding for me. I sipped my tea through a straw, taking my time with the rice and pieces of fruit in front of me. I needed meat but it would make me sick. I was struggling to eat enough as it was. Anyway, I stared at Kurosaki as he finshed up, a smile on his lips. Once he did finsh, he spotted me staring from which I immediatly looked away. I was so flustered from the events that occured moments ago that I couldn't even look at him in the eyes without blushing. Although I doubted that he could tell. "Kizami, are you feeling alright?" I was surprised when Kurosaki approuched me on the floor. He wrapped his arms around me, eyes closed and lips on my shoulder. "Yes, I'm alright. Great, actually, even if I am exhausted". "Hm-hm, sorry". "Are you alright?" Kurosaki nodded with a relaxed sigh. "Yeah, I felt good too. Don't worry". I didn't even do anything. Kurosaki did it himself, that's why the guilt hung over me. The fact that I couldn't do anything. I turned my head to kiss his cheek, getting his temple instead. "Next time I'll...". "Next time?" This caught Kurosaki's attention, and I paused for a moment. "Next time I'll make you feel good too. I promise. I hate feeling this weak and I...really want you to feel the same as I did". Kurosaki's face flushed red and his eyes widened. After a brief few seconds, he smiled and rested his chin on my broad shoulder once more. "It's a deal, then". We looked at eachother, unable to have a kiss to complete the moment. Or so I thought. Kurosaki leaned up and pressed his lips to my covered ones. It surprised me that he would still kiss me, despite the barrier between us. But I accepted it and induldged in it. My mind went blank and my heart took over, pounding to the feeling of Kurosaki's lips wanting mine no matter the barrier. My gloved hand, due to the cold, ran over Kurosaki's hand and knuckles. I held them firmly bjt not painfully as I indirectly asked him to stay beside me, right beside me, for a while longer. Kurosaki did, however, pull back eventually. "I'm, uh, thinking of going to the store soon. I wanna get some things since we're running out of cold packs and snacks. Is there anything in particular that you want?" "Oh, um, sure. Can you please get some green tea? I have a bit of a craving for it". "Sure. No problem. I'll go once you've eaten and when you're back in bed, okay?" "...Okay". I could have asked him to stay longer, for just a little while. But there would be no use in it since he would be right back. 

I finished eating breakfast, if you could even call it that, and was put back under the clean sheets of my futon. Kurosaki put on his winter coat, giving me his scarf for warmth before he went back to put on his shoes. I kept the pattern scarf of beige and brown around my neck loosely. It smelled nice, just like Kurosaki. "I'll be back in a flash, promise". He said, blowing me a kiss before leaving the hotel room. All was quiet and sort of unsettling. I sighed, holding the scarf close to my blocked up nose and inhaling. No matter how blocked my nose was I could still be intoxicated by Kurosaki's scent. It made me sleepy and a little dizzy. It was truely incredible. I closed my eyes, shutting out the room and the bland ceiling above. All went dark, and only the vision of a pink and intoxicating mist clouded my dreamy thoughts. Yes, Kurosaki's scent was getting me drunk in my weary and exhausted state. I allowed it to, falling into slumber without even realsing. I didn't care, just as long as Kurosaki would be there when I woke up. He would be by my side, stroking my hair and smiling down on me with kind and comforting words. I didn't know what I was saying in my head, what I was thinking, but it didn't matter. Kurosaki was what clouded my thoughts then. Him and the intoxicating pink mist that was his divine scent. 

The room seemed to light up once more, or, in other words, I was conscious again. My nose was clearer than before and my headache was gone, faded away by something cool and wet. A damp cloth? I groaned, awakening after who knows how long. I did feel a little better, although still feeling the weight of illness on me. My eyes slowly opened, catching sight of a figure above me. "O-oh, you're awake. That's good". Kurosaki's voice reached me, although I didn't look up to see his face. I was currently lying on my side, only seeing his crossed legs in front of me. "You were asleep for quite some time. When I got back from shopping you were asleep and it's taken about...three hours since then". I was asleep for that long, during the day? I blinked, feeling a little groggy from being woken up. "Sorry, as well. I didn't mean to wake you. I just wanted to...see you. Well, nevermind. How are you feeling?" "M-mn...A little better". "I should hope so. You're really pale from the lack of fresh air and I can't exactly open a window since it's so cold. It's a little cold anyway so I made sure you were bundled up, prepared another cold pack for you and then opened a window". It didn't feel to bad so I wasn't bothered by the breeze that was drifting in from outside. It was refreshing. "I got you some green tea and some snacks. I also went out for take-out a short while ago. Are you hungry?" I shook my head, seemingly disappointing Kurosaki. "I'll try, though". I said, lifting his spirits. "Alright, that's good. I didn't get a lot for you anyway, just incase too much made you sick. Still, try to eat. I noticed this morning that you lost a little weight and it worried me". I wasn't surprised. I'm usually well-kept with diet and excersise. But neither is easy to keep when I'm sick, and I am rarely ever sick, if ever. I sat up, my arms shaking as I raised myself from the floor weakly. "H-hey! Don't strain yourself. I can easily help you". "It's fine". I muttered, showing my understanding with a smile. "I can manage right now. If I do need help then I'll ask for help. I promise". Kurosaki backed off, letting me try at least. I did manage, even if I did struggle. "You can help me to the table again, if you like". "Y-yeah, of course". Kurosaki took my arm between his, helping to lift me to my feet. My legs quaked and my feet were a little tingly with pins and needles. It hurt to stand after lying down and crawling like an infant. But I had to try. Kurosaki guided me to the kotatsu in the corner, seating me back on the floor. "The food should still be hot. Wait right there and I'll get it". "I'm not going anywhere, after all". "You know what I mean".

Kurosaki brought over a plastic bag, a pleasant scent coming from it and making my stomach growl. I was sure that my hunger would be brief once I ate. Kurosaki took the food containers out, placing down each across the table. "Let's try not to make a mess or the hotel will get mad". "I know. I'll be careful. We've handled chopsticks nearly all our life so it shouldn't be a problem". This food wasn't entirely healthy but it would feed me and hopefully I would gain back the pounds that I lost due to my stubborness to eat. "I also bought some banana's for you, just to make a change from apples". "Really? That must have cost quite a bit, you didn't have toThank you". "It's not a problem. If it helps you get better then it's worth it. I'll even visit a shrine soon to wish for your health to come back". Kurosaki was too kind, so gentle and loving. Such a big heart...I could never match that kindness. I still have a lot to learn from him, other than that I found that I love him just as much as he loves me. There's no one else in the world who could make me feel like this, so loved and so loving. In the middle of our meal, which I was making good progress on, Kurosaki brought something out from another bag of plastic. "Ooh, I almost forgot. I found something pretty cool while shopping. It was so worth the purchase and it could be fun". "What is it?" I was genually curious. Kurosaki brought it out, setting it on the table. It was a book, along with a stack of paper. "This is it. What do you think?" The book appeared to be a "how to" kind of book. With the origami figures on the cover I aswumed immediatly that it was instructions on how to make different origami figures. "You bought that?" Kurosaki nodded. "Yup. Sounds cool, right? We can make so many with this. Dogs, rabbits, owls-it's all here. And it will be fun, especially if we're both doing it". I smiled, liking the fact that he thought about it. "Alright, that does sound good. Let's do it after eating". "Yeah, we will. We can help eachother out and everything". Kurosaki was still a child at heart, another thing I loved about him. I hoped that part of him would never fade away when he was an adult. I doubted that it would, being Kurosaki. 

We began to make figures of origami. It was a little fiddly and tricky to obtain the right shapes and angles. But we practised and made quite a few good cranes and owls. "Kizami, what are you making now?" "A fish, very much like you. Happy and free". "Wow, that's kinda cute. Thanks". Kurosaki kissed my cheek in thanks. "I'll make a llama for you, if you want". "Why a llama?" "In the book it says they represent hard work and endurance. You're certainly hardworking and I'd say you're doing your best while enduring that cold". "Hmn, I appreciate that". "I guees you could say llamas are strong too, and I see a lot of strength in you, Kizami. In more ways than one, I think". Kurosaki looked little flustered from saying that, as I was. But I was happy, his words made me feel happy. "Thank you, Kurosaki". I continued to fold up the paper in my hands, right after giving Kurosaki a covered kiss to the temple. He smiled, continuing with his too. "It's a bit colder in here now. I'll shut the window". Kurosaki got up to close the window, when he did the sound of the wind whistling cut off and slight warmth filled the room once more. "Woah, it's snowing again". "Is that so?" "It's really beautiful. There are a bunch of kids already playing out in it. How nostalgic". It was nostalgic. I remembered when Kurosaki dragged me outside when I didn't want to so we could play together. I was a little more isolated from other kids and didn't favour the outside. My "hobbies" were a lot different then. It seems so long ago, so distant since I did anything such as killing a small animal. It's hard to think about now, almost impossible since all of that is behind me. I remember complaining about the cold and forgetting about it once Kurosaki started a snowball fight. I honestly had fun, I just never admitted it. "Hey, Kizami". "Hmn-wha-?!" Suddenly I felt something light smack my forehead painlessly. I didn't process what just happened right away but still caught on. Kurosaki threw a...crumpled piece of paper at me. "Wha-what was that for?" I asked, very puzzled. "Are you gonna throw one back?" Kurosaki avoided my question, asking something that puzzled me more. I didn't respond with words, but instead picked up the paper and threw it back even if I was weak. It hit Kurosaki in the chest as he flinched. I didn't quite understand the purpose until he grabbed more paper from the table. We had plenty, after all. He then rushed over to the bathroom, which served as the only other room. He hid behind the wall, seemingly crumpling up scrabs of paper. I understood then. He wanted a fight, like an alternative to a snowball fight. I crawled behind the table, crumpling up paper for myself. This would be interesting. 

Kurosaki tossed the first one, allowing me to react right after. I threw a paperball, narrowly missing his head as he flinched away. "Haha, good throw, but I am a baseball star". "I wouldn't go that far, Kurosaki". I tossed another, hitting Kurosaki's arm when he leaned out from the wall. "H-hey! Take this!" Kurosaki threw another. I flinched, but he still hit my shoulder. "Aha-ah!" I responded with another throw, hitting Kurosaki in the forehead. I couldn't help but chuckle. "Right, that's it". I heard the crumpling of paper. As I did, I stood up with shaky legs with several paperballs in my arms. Kurosaki came out of his hiding place, seeing me stand with him. There was a pause, but only for a brief second. We both started throwing paper at eachother, both hitting and missing. Moving around the small room, taking cover, throwing paper balls and so on. It wasn't messy like snow and it was a bit "lame", shall we say? However, it was still fun. The rush of victory when hitting Kurosaki with a ball of paper and then the disappointment when missing or getting hit. If anyone else saw this they would immediatly think that this was from the root of boredom. But I believe that Kurosaki was trying to cheer me up, and it was working. Eventually, after picking up and throwing the same balls of paper over and over we became exhausted. Me especially. I sat back on the floor, coughing and panting. "You okay?" Kurosaki asked as he kneeled down next to me, rubbing circles into my back. "I'm fine. That was surprisingly a lot of fun". "I'm glad. It's better than using snow and making your condition worse". I paused for a moment, staring at Kurosaki. "What's is it?" He asked. It was nothing, really. I was just...happy. That's the only way I can explain it. I wrapped my arm around Kurosaki and brought him closer. "It's nothing. Thank you, for cheering me up". "No problem. I'm glad that I did". We stayed that way for a while, hugging and talking. I promised that we would go out together while in Kyoto. This was only the second day. We had plenty of time to see the Kyoto and visit good spots. Right now, in my weakened state, all I could do was stay with Kurosaki in the hotel room. Talking, hugging, having him look after me. I wanted to pay him back somehow. I wanted to be with him and have fun with him. During the morning when Kurosaki did "that" it made me want to do the same for him. And I was planning to, maybe even more. Yes, eventually, I would indulge in different kind of pleasures with Kurosaki. I would take the lead and make him feel good, amazing, in ecstacy. The thought was thrilling and I couldn't wait for that day to come, or evening. It wouldn't be too long, but I believe some research was in order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let your imaginations go wild on the fourth to fifth paragraph. It was nsfwish, but nothing graphic so it should be okay.


	43. Each Step He Takes Is Stronger Than The Last

Kurosaki's POV

After three days of staying in the hotel with some good rest and medication, Kizami was strong enough to go outside. He was still sick, of course, but getting better. I just hoped that his comdition wouldn't worsen if we went outside. The snowfall stopped on the fourth day of our trip, allowing us to go outside and not freeze to death. Kizami still wore a face mask and I gave him my scarf. He quite liked having it, although I wasn't entirely sure why. Maybe because it was mine or because my smell was on it? Possibly, but I didn't think about it since he looked so comfortable with it on. "So, where would you like to go?" "I want to buy us lunch. We spent quite a bit of time in the room this morning again and I want to make it up to you". "Huh? Really? You don't have to-". "Kurosaki, I mean it. You took care of me the whole time we were here so I owe you a lot. Just let lunch be the start of it, okay?" I didn't respond. I still had a bit ofmoney on me from what I took in my wallet. I felt bad that Kizami would buy lunch even though I bought those things like medicine and cold packs because I wanted Kizami to get better. Anyone would do the same for a loved one if they were sick. But having Kizami buy lunch couldn't hurt. That was all it was going to be, though. 

We stopped by at a ramen place for lunch. It was very traditional with not a lot on the menu, as it should be. "If you feel sick then please tell me so we can head back and let you rest". "I appreciate the concern, but I'm really alright now. Or, at least, better than before. Don't worry too much, I think I can manage now". I nodded, still feeling worried. Maybe I couldn't just hang over Kizami like a dead animal. Although I was worried I had to trust him a little. If he really was feeling alright then I would just have to let it pass. We sat at the corner of the room, away from the other people in the restaraunt. It was Kizami's decision since he didn't want anyone else to catch a cold, although I was still at risk. It didn't matter to me though, I just didn't want to be a burden to Kizami. He obviously didn't want to burden me either. We orded and waited for our food patiently. "Kizami, you really didn't have to do this". "Yes, I do. It doesn't matter how many times you disagree. If I don't do something even like this then I'll feel terrible and want to make it up to you more. Besides, it's just lunch. It's not like I'm jumping off a cliff for you". "Who would do that?" "I wonder, but it's just an example". I shook my head, looking very the menu once more out of my hunger. Everything looked so good but I made my descision and I planned to stick to it. "Would you like a dessert too?" Kizami asked, surprising me. "Uh, n-no, Kizami. That's too much. Just the ramen is fine". "Don't worry about it. I'll get us dessert too. Besides, I'm craving something warm and sweet anyway". I giggled a little. Since when did Kizami say something like that? "Although,". He began again, staring at me. "I could just eat you up". My face grew hot. "K-Kizami?!" I yelled in a hushed whisper, embarrassed. "Did you take too much medicine or something?" "No, Kurosaki. I'm kidding. Although...". Kizami raised his eyebrow in thought. "Are you thinking pervy things?" "...Maybe". I playfully slapped his arm. As embarrassed as I was, I couldn't hold back a smile. We were both embarrassed, I'm sure, but I...touched Kizami two days ago. Not just with bathing him in his futon. I touched his...y-you know what. I didn't exactly look but I felt it in my fingers and palm. The heat and the very frustration that he felt. It excited me, a lot. I ended up exploring too, on myself. It wasn't my first time, but while touching Kizami it felt a lot more thrilling and...hot. 

I tried to get rid of these thoughts. If I didn't then I was afraid of becoming too excited, and in public. "Hey, Kurosaki, what time is the train tomorrow?" "Huh? Oh, eight in the afternoon". "Right. Hopefully I'll feel better by then". We were getting a train back home the in two daya, just for New Year's. Leaving tomorrow night, arriving on the morning on New Year's Eve and staying during New Year's day. I wanted to spend it with my family, and so did Kizami. We would return to Kyoto the following day to continue or winter break but would be going to a different hotel, therefore a different hotel. We would be close to more shrines and a few cool spots. It would be worth the trip. "Well,". I said, resting my chin in the palm of my hand, resting my elbow on the wood of the table. "Why don't we visit a shrine after lunch? For luck". "I'm not positive that certain shrines work like that, but we can go anyway. I've missed out on so much already". "Don't worry. We can catch up together. Visit nice spots, take in the country side and try to have fun". "Yeah, you're right. After New Year's we'll have another three days to explore and do all sorts". Kizami repeated before lowering his mask to sip his tea. I looked over towards the rest of the restaurant. Our orders were just arriving on a platter. Frankly, it didn't matter what we did or where we went. I felt it was the same for both of us. There was so many places we didn't go while Kizami was physically weak, but I was still with him the whole time. I kept him company and he did the same for me. Without taking in the sights and the locations I still had fun with my boyfriend. Even if it was within the confines of a hotel room. I still loved the time I spent with him. I guess it could be said that it didn't matter as long as I was with Kizami. Yeah, it didn't matter as long as we were together. 

Later we walked. We simply walked, explored, ventured further and further from the hotel to visit the beauty of Kyoto. The countryside was vast and very pretty. I loved looking around every second of our journey to nowhere. Through the cold, I was the one to hold Kizami's hand. He, in turn, held my hand in his secret fashion of care and love. Me, I was the same but I didn't try to hide it. Our hands swung gently back and forth as we looked around and admired the scenery. Kizami's hand was cold, still. It shivered and quaked in mine as cold breezes swept over us. "Are you alright? Need a rest, or should we head back?" "No, not yet. Just a little further". Kizami led me in this direction. I just went along with it, although skeptical about getting lost. But Kizami seemed to know where he was going. We walked up a slightly sloped path, beyond it was something that I didn't expect, something that I forgot to look into. Something beautiful and amazing. "Oh, wow...". Before us, as we stood next to eachother with intertwind hands, was the Botanical Gardens. In other words, sheer beauty. It was winter so the scene was all the more breathtaking with the frost and snow. My jaw practically dropped once I layed my eyes on it, beyond the entrance. "We're here. I did some research and I found out about the gardens. I felt that it would be good to visit". "I completely forgot about the gardens, but...". "Are you glad?" "Heh, y-yeah. This is amazing". "Well, let's go in". "O-okay...". I allowed Kizami to lead me inside, past the entrance. It was truely a sight to admire. The lakes were frozen and the flowers decorated with sheets of frost and droplets of snow. Walking the paths and crossing the bridges, I admired. "It's so beautiful". I muttered, looking past the trees and the leftover leaves hanging from their branches. "It is". Kizami responded, squeezing my hand securely. "You okay?" I asked, backtracking to the feeling of concern. "I'm really alright, Kurosaki. Just a little cold and numb in the fingers, but holding your hand helps. I swear". I sighed, frost drifting past my lips. I guess I couldn't argue until his face turns as pale as the snow. 

Stopping at a spot by the lake, I looked out and spotted it. The ice had broken in that spot, or not reached it at all. Kizami reached into his pocket, rummaging around for change. It was obvious because I could clearly hear the rattling inside his coat pocket. He took out a coin, giving one to me too. He, first of all, turned away from the lake before tossing the coin behind him. The coin plopped into the water. I guess he wanted to make a wish. I did the same, wishing myself. I wished to have more experiences like this with Kizami. That was all, it was enough. "Ready to go?" Kizami asked, holding out his hand to me. "Yeah. Um, what did you wish for?" "What? I can't tell you that, otherwise it might not come true". "Ah, I see. In that case I won't tell you my wish. Even though I'm kinda curious about yours". "I know, but I can't tell you. It's bad luck". "I didn't think you were so superstisious". I took Kizami's hand again, walking with him over another bridge. "I'm not, but I guess I don't want to risk it". "Fine, fine. I'll control my curiousity". Whatever Kizami wished for, it was no trivial thing. It must have been quite important, something he wanted to come true. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but perhaps it was about me? I actually hoped so. If it was then I was happy that he was thinking of me, depending on what his wish actually was. I wondered, still very curious. But there was no real point to dwell on it, I suppose.

Eventually we travelled back to the hotel. I wanted Kizami to rest anyway since today was long and tiring for us both. "Kizami, get some rest. You look exhausted". "I won't argue, I am tired. I think I'll go for a nap". "Okay, have a good sleep". I leaned up and kissed Kizami's cheek. It was cold. "Want me to tuck you in?" "Thanks, but no thank you, Mom". I smirked, shaking my head as I took off my coat and shoes. Kizami was way ahead of me as he was already crawling back into his futon like a turtle in a shell. I sighed, grabbing a spaer blanket to wrap up in. I decided to go on my laptop for a while to check e-mails and such. I went on the internet, almost immediatly noticing something in my internet history when I clicked on it for convenience. When I actually looked it over, my eyes widened. What the hell? What..."Uh...Uhh?" I was speechless. What the hell had Kizami been researching while I wasn't in the room?! I clicked on the tab that said something about certain 'positions' and 'techniques'. Kizami...This wasn'tthe kind of thing he would research, but...I got curious, looking over the paragraphs of certain websites that talked about many embarrassing things. First times, preperation, positions-and all when it involved two men doing the "do". The only reason Kizami would look up these things was for, well, me. I paused for a moment, deleting my internet history immediatly. I wasn't really as disgusted as I was surprised. Why would I be? As awkward and embarrassing as this was I was kind of happy that Kizami was doing research on these things. We were getting to point when we would eventually...sleep together and become even closer than we are now. Sex would seal the deal for us and complete us in a physical way. My heart pounded in my chest and my cheeks felt hot. Me and Kizami doing those kinds of things was an exciting thought. I've never really pictured it before. Of course I recently thought of it as a possibility for us but it's never become and image in my mind, a physical image. What would it feel like? Would it be quite painful? Would it feel incredible afterwards? Of course it would, but to what extent? How would Kizami see me? What would Kizami look like in such a state? I thought my heart would explode from such thoughts. Oh, no. I couldn't think about those things now. Not now! I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to block it out. But things got worse as the pounding of my heart got louder in my chest. I clenched my shirt, the spot above my heart. Kizami...Kizami..."What are you doing?" 

"Waah!" I cried out, opening my eyes and instinctively shutting my laptop. I turned towards the voice, seeing Kizami right behind me with a look of curiousity and concern. "U-uh, nothing. Nothing at all". I laughed nervously. There was silence, all until I sensed a smile behind Kizami's mask. "Wha-what is it?" Kizami said nothing at first, and only made one move to counter my suspiciousness. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in with a gentle force. "Aah...!" I fell back into Kizami's chest, his chin then resting on top of my head. "So, you found my research?" There was no hiding it. All I could do was remain silent with my face hot. "I know you're embarrassed, but...you want to do those things, too, don't you?" I averted my eyes, nodding. "I see. Well, when the time comes, I'll be prepared. I promise that I'll make you feel good. Really good". My face only grew hotter as Kizami whispered those sweet words into my ear. He really meant it. There was no teasing or playing around. I knew he was serious, he just liked embarrassing me. "Until then, I won't lay a finger on you. I wouldn't dare to do anything of the sort until we're both totally ready. Not until you're eighteen and not until we feel ready, no matter what we do until then. Whatever we do to eachother until then will be a mere tingle of pleasure in comparison. I know, with you, it will be an amzing first time. Breathtaking and memorable". These words were so smooth, sending timgles up my spine and down my arms. I had goosebumps despite the warmth of my boyfriend's embrace. I smiled despite the blush on my cheeks or the goosebumps across my arms. I didn't feel ready now, but I was certainly preparing for it. When the time did come neither of us would hesitate, but we would also take it slow and make our first time mean something. "I'm going back to bed. If you want to join me, feel free". Kizami got up after those last words. He got back to his futon ad lay under the covers. His eyes closed over and there was silence. I stood up too, crawling in with him and holding his waist in my arms. I sighed, warm and happy. But I knew this wasn't the limit to those feelings. I was sure that with Kizami those feelings are limitless and very powerful. Those and many more powerful and limetless feeling towards him. This was only the middle, a story without an end but with a journey worth a millin happy endings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was short but next chapter should be a bit better.


	44. Our New Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, New Year chapter! Also, I finally gave Kurosaki's parent's names. Enjoy!

Kizami's POV

On the morning of the 31st, we returned to Osaka for New Year's Eve and New Year's day. It was a long night, the sky pitch black as the train rode through the country and the streets. The stars could only be seen when the lights from below weren't there to block them out. I vaguely remembered staring out and witnessing the sight from above while Kurosaki slept soundly. He drifted off with his head resting very close to my shoulder. His sleeping expression was so peaceful and comfortable and cute. I wanted to kiss him, but at least two things prevented me from doing so. One, my sickness and, two, the fact that we were on a train and around other people. It would be as awkward as Kurosaki using my arm as a pillow. But that couldn't be helped. He was surely tired and I honestly didn't mind. He was too precious for words. So, when no one was looking, I settled for kissing his temple over my mask. Kurosaki only groaned slightly. I didn't want to wake him so I left it at that. Of course I ended up drifting off top until we reached our destination, or at least close to it. The daylight broke through the windows and disrupted my sleep. It was bright, making my eyes sting. Kurosaki was still sleeping when I woke up, but not for long. "Mng...Haaah-aah...". He yawned, his voice giving a little squeak like a kitten yawning. So cute...Kurosaki was too cute. "Mmn, Kizami? Are we there yet?" He groaned, rubbing his eyes and possibly not realising that he was still leaning against me. "Oh, yeah, it looks like it. Are you alright?" "Yep, just really groggy. I wanna go back to sleep". "We will. We can rest when we go back to your house". "What are you saying?" "...?" "It's your home too, dummy". Kurosaki smiled, closing his eyes and pressing his cheek into my arm as he leaned against me once more. He was right, I suppose. It felt like home now. It felt like the kind of place I would come back to everyday and be greeted by a warm and happy family. It really was home. "H-hey, don't fall asleep yet. We're nearly there. Hey!" 

From the station, it wasn't a long walk home. The streets were covered with frost and snow from the pavements to the rrees which stood bare. My gloved hand held Kurosaki's as we walked home, the frosty air sweeping over us. "I can't wait to see Mom and Dad again". "Yes, it would be good to see them again. New Year's last year was special so there's no doubt that it will be the same this year". "Hey, Kizami, wanna kiss at midnight?" My face warmed up at that question, but I replied. "There's no need to ask. Although, I am still sick, so...". "Doesn't matter. It'll be worth it if I get to kiss you". We kiss eachother all the time, it's not something that's comsidered a big deal now. Although every kiss I have with Kurosaki is special to me, I suppose a kiss on New Year's Day wouldn't be any different. "My parents will definitely do the same, so why can't we? We can stay up late, watch a few movies, eat a few late night snacks and wait for the countdown to end. Then...we kiss". Kurosaki must have thought about it, imagined it. I squeezed his hand at that, acting as a substitute for a kiss since I was riddled with the flu. It would just have to do, until midnight that is. 

"We're home~". Kurosaki called out as he opened the front door. "Honey, the boys are back!" Hikari, Kurosaki's Mother, walked to the front entrance from the living area and immediatly hugged Kurosaki tightly. "Ooh, my boys~How was the trip?" "Tiring, but we're here now for New Year". "I know. Your Father and I are so happy you came back for today and tomorrow, even though you didn't have to". "It wouldn't be the same". "Aww, and you, Yuuya. Come here". "O-oh...". Hikari hugged me too, proving to be quite short compared to me. I hesitently and nervously hugged back. It was warm. "Oh, sweetie, you seem nervous. Don't be shy. We're basically family, afterall". Hikari moved away from the hug, giving me a comforting smile. "Thank you, Hikari. For everything last year and this year as well". "It's no problem. We're happy to have you". "Ah, there you both are". Tadashi, Kurosaki's Father, came from upstairs and greeted us warmly. "I was starting to wonder. Me and your Mother can't wait to hear about Kyoto. Was it fun?" "Yeah, but we're heading back after the New Year". "Of course. Well, for now, you must be tired. Come in amd we'll make something for you both". "Right, come on in. Did you have breakfast?" "Yeah, but we had it quite early so we wouldn't miss the train". "Would you like something to eat, then?" This atmosphere and this family was all so comfortable. Being there and being a part of that warm, happy family was unimaginable when I was a kid. I never imagined coming home to smiling faces and the offer of brunch. I've never been happier. "What about you, Yuuya? What would you like? We have eggs, bacon, soup. Anything you like". I couldn't contain my happiness within, although I only showed it through a distant smile I still felt it myself. The happiness. It was there, fluttering and spreading from my conscious thoughts to the core of my heart. 

After eating brunch, I lay under a toasty blanket with Kurosaki snuggling into me. He had taken another nap while I hugged him, almost cradling him like a baby. He was so adorable, so I snuck in a kiss to his forehead. Over my mask, of course. I was just about ready to take a nap myself. The light scent of tea filled the room, a fragrant brand that I enjoyed. My cold must have been healing, because my nose was no longer blocked and no longer prevented me from breathing properly. So Kurosaki's sweet scent got through in an even clearer fashion. To me, it was heavenly. But I was worried that he would wake up. Since I was still sick you could hear me breathing from a mile away. I didn't want to disturb Kurosaki, but his scent was making me feel almost drunk. I was losing control of myself. "Mn...". Kurosaki shifted underneath me. Looking down, my eyes widened slightly in surprise. He had buried his face into my chest, rubbing his nose gently against my shirt and softly inhaling with flushed cheeks. Was he hot? I felt his cheek, feeling a certain extent of warmth on his skin. It wasn't feverish. Was he just..."Mnn...Kizami...Kizami...". My face heated up. He was dreaming about me. How impatient have I become since dating Kurosaki? I'm not an impatient person, quite the opposite, but when it comes to Kurosaki I want to...do things. Cuddle him, kiss him, embrace him. Eventually I would want to sleep with him and finally make him mine, and I his. It sounds heavy in a protective sense, I suppose. "Kurosaki belongs to me" kind of thing. However, Kurosaki is his own man. I wouldn't take that away from him. But on the night that I finally take him, sleep with him, make love to him, he will become mine in a sense that we've created a new bond that no one else can break. Even if I'm the only person that Kurosaki dates, kisses, has sex with, I hope he can be happy with that. I want to be happy with him for the rest of our lives. Heh, that almost sounds like a marriage proposal. But it's too early to think about that. Far too early. 

"Screw it". I mumbled quietly to myself, lowering my mask from my nose. My hand wrapped around the back of Kurosaki's head, the fingers running through his soft hair. With my other arm I held Kurosaki's waist closer, bringing him closer to my body. And I indulged. I inhaled. I made myself dizzy from Kurosaki's amazing scent. I could smell his coconut shampoo within the silky roots of his hair, the ends tickling my nose sweetly. I inhaled deeply, not caring whether Kurosaki's parents could hear my sniffing from upstairs. Kurosaki could certainly hear it. "Nng...Kizami?" This was the equivelant to smelling his pillows, only more embarrassing when he sees me. I pulled up my mask once again, pulling away slightly to let Kurosaki breathe. He rubbed one of his eyes, yawning. I didn't mean to disturb him, but it was too late now. I, of course, felt guilty for it. "Sorry, did I wake you?" "Mn, s'okay. I slept really well anyway". Kurosaki looked up at me with a smile, cupping my cheek and brushing his thumb against my mask. "Were you not sleeping?" "Ah, no. I could never get to sleep at this time". "Oh, okay. Wanna go upstairs and play video games? I missed them". "Really? Haah, alright. But you'll have to teach me the controls again". "Hehe, I will, I will. I'll even make us a hot chocolate to warm us up". "This isn't warming you up?" I hugged Kurosaki tightly to emphasise what I meant. He giggled. "Haha, you know what I mean. What do you want in yours?" "Let's see: milk and cream". "No marshmellows? Chocolate shreddings or any chocolate?" "Hmm...I guess chocolate shreddings doesn't sound like a bad idea". "Great, then let's go. I'm really craving one". We got up and headed to the kitchen. Kurosaki was still a child at heart which I found very endearing. "Hey, wanna attempt hot chocolate art?" "Hot chocolate art?" I've heard of that, but with coffee. They use a special technique to carve pictures into the drink. "Can we do that?" "We could try. I'll draw a picture in your hot chocolate and you can do mine". "Alright. That sounds kind of fun". We prepared simple hot chocolares at first, adding only the milk and a thin layer of cream above the actual drink. "Alright, here goes". Kurosaki said, taking a tooth pick, since the only other thing we had was chopsticks, and began drawing into the cream of my hot chocolate. I began as well, shortly after debating in my head whether to draw a heart or not. It seemed rather embarrassing to do so, especially for two men, and a little weird. But it couldn't hurt, right? 

I ended up drawing a rather artistic heart anyway, running lines all around to give it a sort of striped look. I also used the toothpick to dot some cream around and inside the heart. I felt a little awkward. "I'm done". I announced, tossing the used toothpick into the trash. "Me too. Ready?" I nodded, switching places with Kurosaki to see what kind of picture he did for me. When I peered inside the cup, I was at a crossroads between surprise and pure happiness. Kurosaki, he...drew a heart for me too. I didn't know what to say. The heart was purely cream, making a neat shape with chocolate shredding all over it. "Wow, Kizami. Your's is really good. It looks delicious-I really don't want to ruin it, though". "Don't worry about it". I smiled, feeling the same way about his drawing. It was so sweet. I was hesitating to drink it myself. "We can drink them on the count of three". I suggested. "Okay. That'll make it easier". We picked up our hot chocolate and held it to our lips, softly blowing the steam away. "Okay...". Kurosaki began. "One...Two...Three". I sipped mine, immediatly tasting the cream with the chocolate. It was amazing. My heart felt warm, knowing that it was Kurosaki who made it. Ha, that's kind of weird to say, even in my head. "Haaaah, delicious". Kurosaki sighed, licking his lips. "But I need marshmellows...and more cream". I chuckled as Kurosaki raided his own cupboard for marshmellows. He plopped in three, adding more cream and chocolate shreds, drinking once again with a huge sigh. "Haaaaaaah, I'm in heaven. Let's go upstairs, somewhere more comfortable". Kurosaki took my hand with his drink in the other. I took mine, following him.

In the evening we all prepared a traditional meal for New Year's. This was special, after all. "Everyone, before we begin," Tadashi began, raising his drink slightly. "I want to say that it's been another great year living with Yuuya. Although we still have a few months until your move to Nagoya, we want to say that we love you very much and wish you the very best". "Thank you, all of you". I was truely touched by that. I was happy. "I really appreciate everything you've done for me. Allowing me to live in your home and treating me as part of the family...I necer expected it and I never really expected to be this happy. So, thank you and I, honestly, love you all". Hikari covered her lips, a smile behind that in her joy. Kurosaki held my hand from under the table, presenting me with kind eyes. "We love you too, Kizami. All of us". This was truely emotional. I was comfortable here, at this table, in this house and with this family whom have treated me as their own. I couldn't ask for a better second family, my only real family. "Alright, cheers". "Cheers...". We all took a drink and said thanks for the meal. My heart was warm, but heavy. Would I ever return here once I moved? I hoped so, for holidays and general visits. For all of their kindness, I didn't want to forget them. I wanted to still have them here, waiting for me to come back with Kurosaki. I wanted there to always be a room for me and a family waiting to greet me and hug me and say 'welcome home'. It's strange how much I want those things. I want to hold those things dear and never let go of them. 

In the last hours of that day, we all waited for midnight. All of stayed in the living room together, watching movies and eating snacks as rime slowly went on. Hikari and Tadashi sat on the sofa with a blanket draped over their legs as they huddled together. Me and Kurosaki shared a rather spacious armchair with our own blanket. After a while, until eleven at night, they fell asleep. It was just me and Kurosaki, although he was clearly tired. I turned off the television, holding Kurosaki close to my body to keep him warm. "Hey, Kizami?" He called to me quietly, his head resting against my chest. "What is it?" I replied in an equally quiet voice. "What's your New Year's Resolution?" Honestly, I hadn't thought about it. I had everything I wanted with no need of improvement. There was always trying new things, but I couldn't think of anything. "I don't really know yet. How about you?" "This year, when you move, I'm gonna still be close with you and see you. I won't let us grow apart because of physical distance, okay?" I was surprised, but I saw his point. I wouldn't let us grow apart due to physical distance. No matter what I loved Kurosaki. That would never change. "Then I'll make the same resolution. But it's not like a wish. We hace to make an effort, okay?" "Hmn-hm. Promise?" "I promise". Kurosaki grew heavy in my arms as he fell asleep. I held him still, looking over at the clock on the wall. It had struck midnight. I looked down at Kurosaki with a smile. "Happy New Year, Kurosaki". I raised his head slightly, leaning down myself to kiss his lips. No matter what, we'll always be together. I snuggled up with him, my head resting on the arm of the chair and my legs sort of cramped with Kurosaki's. But I was comfortable. I was cozy and warm with him. Finally, the New Year had arrived and time would continue on, although things may change physically. However, nothing will change between me and Kurosaki. Nothing. That was my resolution for the new year, and I intended to commit to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The feeeeeeeelings are kiiiiilliiiiiiing meeeeeeeee!!!!!!! DX


	45. Our First Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haaaaaah....Well, this chapter is the end of their third year, or the end of the high school years. Next will be university. And, well...Aaaaaaaaaaaaah...I got so sad thinking about this chapter. But it's okay. It's okay. This isn't the end of the story. Oh, no. I predict that this story will have under 100 chapters so be prepared for that. Um, enjoy this for now. The feelings will probably kill you just as it will to me. Enjoy...

Kurosaki's POV

Graduation day. We made it. All of us at Byakuden Senior High School, in their third year, were leaving that day. As the months went by, the holidays and exams, we never stopped to think about this day. To really think about it. Most of us were sad to leave our teenage life behind and walk the path into adulthood. Others were glad to leave and start a new page in their life. I wasn't one or the other. I felt both just as equally. I would be seperated from my friends, lose some of the best teachers I ever had and become an adult with more responsibilities and challenges ahead. That's what it was like for us all. Everyone sat in the hall, up on stage our head teacher. Our names were called out individually to recieve our certificates, each one of us dressed smartly in our uniforms. "Kensuke Kurosaki". Clapping filled the hall once again as I stood from my chair and walked on stage. I bowed, recieved mycertificate and bowed again before walking off stage. Kizami recieved his right after me, wearing his blazor and tie for once. I smiled when seeing him recieve his certificate. This was a joyous occasion, even if it was only a day. Everyone, one by one, proudly recieved their certificates, later joining their friends in conversation. Tears fell from eyes and talk of missing friends and promises of reunions filled my ears as I passed by with Kizami walking right beside me. 

We walked to ourclassroom once more, seeing our friends gathered together, not including Urabe and Shimada. "Oh, hey, guys". Yamamoto greeted us happily. "Hey, Mitsuki". I greeted back, hugging her as she reached out to me. "Aw, I'm gonna miss you guys so much". "Yeah, we'll miss you too". Mitsuki was going to Tokyo for college to study in becoming a dietician. We all wished her the best of luck. "I wish we can see eachother again soon, although I won't be too far away from Kizami". Fukuroi said, smiling at Kizami. That's right. Fukuroi was going to the same university as Kizami. He would be studying science in order to become a chemist. Something practical, just like him. "Listen, Tomohiro, I'll come visit when I can. It's not like we won't see eachother ever again". "Promise...?" "Absolutely. We're bros, afterall. And when I become a famous game designer, I'll let you have all my creations for free". "Thanks, Ryouske. I won't forget you". Ohkawa and Katayama hugged eachother securely. Apparently Katayama was going abroad to study, in America. He wanted to bexome a games designer and his parents set up a fund for him to go. Ohkawa was going to Tokyo to become a writer. I wished them both the best of luck. Everyone was drifting so far away, yet in our hearts they would still be very close. I hoped to see them all again someday. No, I was sure we would, someday. "Kurosaki, want to leave yet or...?" Kizami's voice trailed off when I shook my head. "It's fine. Let's get going. There's someplace I want us to go before heading home. The view outside is perfect for this". Kizami and I decided to leave the school, turning back only once to say a final goodbye to our friends. After that there was no turning back. We would never enter that school again, never attend classes or goof around with the people we became so close to over the years. We would walk out with qualifactions on our back and our eyes looking towards the future. Only our hearts and memories would linger, savouring those moments with the friends who we love and cherish forever. When you think about it, Kizami and I were the only ones left now. 

It was a short walk from school to the lake the flowed at a far distance. When we stopped it was on top of the slope, going down towards the lake, and facing the mirrored slope on the other side. Far beyond and above was the dark orange sky with clouds of pink drifting above. Kizami sat with me, the distance between us small. Staring out at the lake and beyond that, we were both silent for a brief time. The atmosphere seemed to be worth taking in, even if for only a moment. "It's been pretty intense these few months, huh?" I asked, taking my eyes off of the scenery to see Kizami's response for myself. "It has. Exams, the move, graduation. Everything just seemed to pile up, but it's over". I looked back out towards the lake, the water glimmering and sparkling under the sky. "Hey, Kizami, do you think we'll see everyone again?" I asked, feeling a little unsure about his answer to that. "...I don't know. It seems like you and me are the only ones left, aside from Fukuroi since he's attending the same university. Will you be okay?" I nodded. "Yeah, I'm good at making friends, after all. It'll be no problem". I was a bit sad that I had to start from square one all over again, meeting people and making new friends. But it couldn't hurt. I just needed to be confident in myself. Kizami was silent again, looking down at his feet, the bangs of his hair covering his eyes. "You know...". I began, scooting closer to him. "We'll definitely see eachother again, no doubt about it". Kizami raised his head, resting his cheek against his folded arms. He looked at me, a smile crossing his lips. "I know. It's just...When?" "As soon as we can". I answered without hesitation. "We'll meet, go to the movies, have dinner, go to a karaoke bar, go to the beach...We'll hang out as much as we do now. I know we will". We weren't going to be apart forever. We were just in seperate cities, attending different schools. That's what I wanted to think. That there were only small obsticals that were easy to pass. But the reality was that...we may not see eachother that much, that it won't be like it is now. That's what I feared. Kizami brushed his thumb against my cheek, a smile remained on his lips. "Don't cry". He muttered. I was...crying? 

I sniffled, wiping my eyes of any tears that I only just found spilling from the corners. Kizami wrapped his arm around my waist, holding me closer, kissing my temple. I didn't hold back. My arms wrapped around Kizami's neck from the side, holding him just as closely as he held me. "Don't worry. Nothing will change between us. I promise you that. Whether we're apart for a day or a month I'll always be your boyfriend. I'll always love you". "Kizami...". I would have said the same, but could only get my message across through tears and soft hiccups. I buried my face in his broad shoulder, wantimg to hide my tear stained cheeks and sad expression. I never wanted Kizami to see me like that. I wanted to always be happy in front of him. Always. 

Returning home, we were greeted by comgratulations and smiles from my parents. They hugged us, asking to see our certificates, proud of us both. Tonight was about us and our step forward into adulthood. In just a few days, at the very beginning of April I would turn eighteen. So I suppose I was only halfway there. There was a special dinner waiting for us. Mom and Dad decided to prepare a hot pot in celebration, since we would both be moving away from the house. I wouldn't be too far away, but I still had to have an apartment close to my college. Both our rooms would be bare, but always available to us. We would return for holidays and visit whenever we could. My parents would always be my parents. The people who raised me and taught me common sense. They were kind and loving my whole life, so the least I can do is visit whenever possible. That and a balance of seeing Kizami when I could. He was equally important to me, and for the time we would be apart I would miss him dearly. After dinner, after helping with the dishes, Kizami went to his room to check that everything was packed for tomorrow, the day he would leave. During one day off he left to unpack most of his stuff at his apartment. My Dad went along to help while I sorted my own stuff for my own apartment, which Mom helped with. While he did what he had to do, I went upstairs to take my bath. I needed to relax for the night and clear my mind. I sat in the bathtub, staring up at the ceiling. My thoughts were cloudy as I let them drift off. But the one thing that stuck in my mind was the events of today and the many possible ones in the future. All involving me and Kizami. He was so important to me and I knew we would see eachother again, but how often? And for how long when it came to exa,s and finals? I sank into the water, wanting to get these thoughts out of my head immediatly. I surfaced quickly, gasping for air. I coughed as some water entered my nose by accident. "Haah...kuh! Haah...". This feeling...Was I really that upset about it? About being seperated from Kizami for a long time? No, it wasn't really that. I couldn't quite say it that way. Maybe it was the thought of...drifting apart from Kizami. 

I ended up laying in bed, reading the manga I kept in my case for the move. I smild at the mild comedy through the pages, for a moment forgetting about my worries. All until there was a knock at my door. "C-come in...". The door opened and Kizami entered. He was in his usual clothing for sleeping. Sweatpants and a long sleeved t-shirt. "Um, may I come in?" "Yeah, of course. You're done bathing, then?" He nodded. "Yeah. I wanna get to bed earlier tonight since I have quite a journey tomorrow". Kizami sat with me on the bed. I sat up next to him, immediatly being pulled closer to him gently and affectionately. He kissed my cheek, petting my arm as he hugged me. "Are you sure you're going to be alright?" "Yeah, I'm sure. I just need a bit of time. It's going to be lonely without you, after all". "...I feel the same. But I have your number and e-mail, so we'll still be in contact. Even if it's not face-to-face". "Yeah, sadly". Kizami kissed my cheek again, our hands overlapping. He brushed his thumb against my knuckles as I moved in to kiss his lips. It was a small peck, although there was an expression of love there. Once we pulled away from eachother there was a brief stare into eachother's eyes. I was cupping Kizami's cheek, putting on a small smile as I didn't want to shed tears now. Not at this moment. "I'll really miss you, Kurosaki". Kizami whispered, touching the tip of my nose with his. "I'll miss you too". My throat hurt with lumps that I was trying to hold back. I didn't want things to be left on a sad note. I wanted to smile and laugh with Kizami. I wanted tonight to be fun and I wanted to share more happy times with Kizami. He pressed our foreheads together very delicately, the silence filling the dark room. Kizami squeezed my hand affectionately, as if not wanting to let go. "I love you, Kurosaki". I couldn't hold back a sniffle. "I...I love you too". He kissed me, my lips covered by softness and the warmth of Kizami's lips. I parted mine, wanting the kiss to never end. "Mn...mnn...". My breathing rate increased and my heart pounded loudly as Kizami slipped his tongue past my quivering lips. His pressed against mine, moulding with them, as his tongue pushed and played with my own. There wasn't much time to make it more heated as Kizami pulled away on his own, his eyes lowered for a moment. He seemed sorrowful. "U-uh...I better go...to bed. It'll be late soon and I don't want to wake up groggy. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Kizami kissed my lips again, letting go of my hand as he stood up. 

No, not like this. I didn't want it to end like this. I wanted us to smile and part on a good note, at the happiest time. I didn't want it to stop here. I sat still, gripping my bedsheets as I watched Kizami walk away. I bit my lip. I didn't want him to leave. Couldn't he stay a little longer until tomorrow? Maybe the whole night? Just so I was with him, holding him, kissing him and spewing my feelings all in one go? I couldn't hold back. I couldn't wait. "Kizami...!" "...?!" I leaped, my hand grabbing his and my forehead pressing into his back. Not yet. Don't go yet. "Kurosaki, what...?" "Don't go". I whispered. "Please don't go". I wrapped my free arm around his waist, holding him securely. "I don't want to make this a goodbye, because it's not you idiot!" I cried, letting my feelings and emotions spill out at once. I didn't care how it looked. "I know you have to go to Nagoya, and I know we have to part ways, but don't make today seem like it's goodbye. I kept thinking that way and it only hurt. I want you to leave with smiles on both our faces and good memories in our thoughts, knowing that we'll see eachother soon and...and that it's not goodbye!" Tears spilled from my cheeks. Bottling up your feelings and emotional thoughts only makes it worse when you're finally honest about them. You scream those things out like a child and don't stop until it gets through to the other person, until they understand. "I love you so much, Kizami. I love you so much that it hurts to think about growing apart from you. But I won't cry about it. All I ask is that...". I paused, gulping down the lumps in my throat with difficulty. I said so much in so little time. Something at the back of my mind faded but a tense feeling arose as I stopped speaking. 

I felt myself shiver from the brief silence. Kizami must have been shocked and speechless, but I didn't quite expect his next words. "Kurosaki, do you...want me to stay tonight?" My cheeks heated up immensly, but I knew my expression was calm. My grip loosened by itself. Kizami turned around to face me as my head was lowered, my cheeks red with bashfulness. His big hands cupped both my cheeks, raising my head to look at him. I stared into his darkened eyes, but only for a split second. I shut my own eyes when Kizami suddenly leaned in. Our lips once again met. I felt myself stumble back slightly from the surprise, but allowed him to continue. I wrapped my arms around his neck with hesitance, my hands shaking as my finhers gripped the back of his shirt. The kiss was soft and powerful all at the same time. That's what I felt right before Kizami pulled away. He smiled softly, touching our foreheads again. My eyes closed once more and I listened to Kizami's deep, sensual voice within the darkness. "Okay...". He whispered. "...I'll stay". 

I lay on my back, the mattress creaking underneath me as Kizami crawled above me. His torso was bare, as mine was. I only just watched him kneel above me while he pulled his shirt over his torso. Each muscle on his body was perfectly curved. His arms, chest and stomach. Kizami was truely beautiful, inside and out. My heart was pounding wildly in my chest, my lips quivering before I bit my bottom lip. My breathing rate had already increased from the excitement and the curiousity. Kizami was right above me, staring right at me with cheeks as red as mine. He panted softly, gripping the bedsheets by my head until his knuckles turned pale. "Are you...nervous?" He asked, shaking slightly. I nodded, a smile fading onto my lips. "Yeah...I'm really nervous". "Me too". Kizami smiled too, cupping my cheek before placing his lips on mine. Another soft and gentle kiss to reassure me and slowly guide us into what was about to happen. We were both shaking, excited, almost scared, but this was really happening now. Us, this moment, that night. I was having difficulty containing my nervousness. Our hands locked at the side, while our free hands cupped the other's cheek. It was certainly difficult for Kizami to keep steady as his knees quaked underneath him. The kiss parted and my breath hitched. I would most certainly suffocate. "Kizami, I want you". It was an embarrassing thing to say but nothing stopped me from saying it. "I want you too". Our lips met again, this time our tongues meeting in the middle. I moaned against Kizami's lips, feeling his hand travel down my stomach. When pulling away, Kizami undid my pants. The clinking of my zipper filled my ears and made my heart skip a beat. "Haah...Kizami...". He kissed down my chest, suddenly using his tongue again. "Haah! Ahh!" I turned my head to the side, squeezing my eyes shut as Kizami was prepared to indulge me. His hand easily slid underneath my pants. "Ha-hah! A-ah! Ki-Kizami! Mnn!" "Kurosaki, Kurosaki...". Kizami clashed lips with me again, my hips rocking up and down in want. "I love you, Kurosaki". He panted. "I-I love you, too. I love you, Kizami". More kisses covered my lips and more attention was given to my most sensitive places. That night couldn't have been anymore perfect. The atmosphere, the very moment, just the two of us intertwind by pleasure and love on that single bed. There was nothing holding us back now. Although we were nervous and embarrassed, scared and shaky, we moved on and indulged. My thoughts were clouded by my own voice crying out in ecstacy and Kizami whispering sweet nothings into my ear. That night, that cold night in March, was our first time to make love, but certainly not our last time. It wasn't a way of saying goodbye. It was only the beginning. 

The very next morning was the morning that Kizami and I would leave the nest. We took our bags, said goodbye to my parents with many hugs and kisses, and set off. For now we would both take the same train, heading towards the next two stops in Osaka before Kizami would keep going towards Nagoya. This was the start of something new, a fresh chapter. I was anxious, but also couldn't wait to go forward with my head held high. When the train did stop at my station, we both hesitated before looking at eachother. "Well, this is my stop". I said, anxious. "Yes, it is. Um, I'll see you out". "...'Kay". We held hands as I walked off the train, stopping outside of the doors with my bag. We shared smiles, no matter how scary this was. "Okay...I guess I'll talk to you soon". "Right. I'll call you when I arrive". I nodded, preparing myself to walk away. Until..."Wait, Kurosaki!" "...!" I gasped slightly as Kizami hopped off the train, hugging me tightly. After a second of proccessing his actions, I hugged him too. "Listen,". He muttered. "You said it yourself last night, before we did what we did. This isn't goodbye. So we won't say it. I thought I could hold this in but I'd just regret it. I...I love you, Kurosaki. I love you so, so much". My grip tightend. "I love you, too, Kizami". We only pulled away slightly as our lips pressed together. It didn't matter if people passing by saw. It didn't matter. For a moment we didn't hear the automared voice above us announce that the train would leave in five minutes. Couldn't it have been longer? Kizami pulled away, carrassing my cheek softly. "Take care, and I'll call you when I arrive. Good luck, I love you". "Love you too". Our hands drifted apart as Kizami backed away into the train. He stood at the doors, even as they closed. I waved, a smile on my lips no matter how sad I felt. Kizami simply pressed his hand against the glass of the door as the train began to move, slowly moving away from the station, away from me. I turned to watch Kizami one last time, feeling a part of my heart drifting away with the train. It disappeared into the distance until I stood there, alone on the station platform. The wind softly blew through my hair, and at the corner of my eye I could see the cherry blossoms float above me. I looked to them in wonder, spotting two cherry blossoms drift with eachother away from the group. I smiled, pausing for a moment. And then, I walked away. No, this wasn't goodbye. This wasn't the end. There was still so much to do. So many memories to make. So many moments to spend with Kizami. This truely was just the beginning. My adolescent memories may have been in the distant past, but they were still with me. Just as Kizami was, for now. No, this wasn't the end. Nothing truely ended. Not for us. 

And so ended the adolescent years of Kurosaki and Kizami. Now begins their years in university where the wonders of life truely begins... 

Adolescent Years...End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so ends the high school years. Now they are adults and have finally become one. But, as said in the story, this isn't the end. There's so much more to come and I'm sure it will be quite the adventure. Hope you enjoyed reading, everyone. See you in the next chapter. Bye.


	46. Freshmen Year - Reunited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, we're back again for another chapter. I really love writing this story. It's my favourite. So I'm going to do my best with it and see if it's up to my own standards. This is when they are at university now, so expect some more NON-explicit scenes of love making and the start of drinking alcohol when they turn twenty-one. I apply to the rules in this fanfiction. The rules of no underage drinking and no underage shenanigans, ya hear? Now, since I don't have a lot of ideas on university there's only going to be a few chapters for each year, over the course of four years. And I'm going to make it more interesting by going over the four seasons in each year. So I doubt college will be that long, and I'm splitting them up into parts. I'll need to brain-storm during the day, come up with good ideas and see them through. Well, enough talk. Enjoy the next chapter!

Kizami's POV

It was a new semester. University. A time of becoming an adult while still being in school. I had been in university for about three weeks, nearly a month. So far I was greatly interested in my subjects and the major I had taken. I stuck around Fukuroi when I could since he was a start for making new aquaintances. Although, both of us weren't very interested. He was busy working in his major, science. Or chemistry, to be more precise. He was dedicated to getting his work done, which I respected. Me, I majored in business. Anyone can get a simple office job, or at least something practical, with that qualification in their pocket. I did well in all my subjects so I had a back-up. I did already have a part-time job, a new one in Nagoya, that paid the rent and food expenses. So I was managing, especially with the money I saved up for so long to pay tuition. I was doing fairly well. My days seemed to go smoothly and nothing changed that. But there was one thing I could never forget. One thing that had been at the back of my mind for so long, and I knew it was there. It made me realise how incomplete my life was during those three weeks. I, of course, missed Kurosaki. 

We managed to stay in contact since we began university, talking about our subjects and work. It was still good to talk to him via e-mail and texts, even if we weren't looking at eachother. Even so, I missed talking to him face-to-face, holding him in my arms, kissing him and...The events of 'that' night came to mind. We slept together for the first time. To put it in short, it was the most incredible night of my life. I had never felt such pleasure before. I was shaking, hot, sweating, panting and embracing every new sensation that came my way. Kurosaki looked and sounded like he felt good to. It made me happy that I was making him feel good. We both lost our virginity that night, and I was grateful that I lost it to Kurosaki. I've never felt so much bliss. My whole mind when blank as my body took over. I almost couldn't control myself. I thought that such an animalisitc side was non-existent, for the both of us. Kurosaki was especially cute, crying out my name and holding onto me so tightly. It makes me want to do it all over again. But mostly to see him again. My heart still races at the thought, at the images circling around in my head. And I can't help but think of every little detail, bit by bit, wanting all of my senses to have the same experience all over again. To see, Kurosaki, to hear is cute laughter, to smell his sweet scent, to taste his lips and to touch him. His smooth skin against my fingers and the almost unbearable, rising heat inside-(Brrrrrr) 

A seemingly obnoxious humming snapped me out of my thoughts. I only just realised that I was lying in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. The noise went off again, quieter from before. It was my phone, lying on the desk diagnally from my bed. I was recieving a call. Sitting up, I groaned, displeased by the interuption of my daydream. Going to my desk, I picked up the phone and checked the caller ID. It appeared to be Fukuroi calling. I answered. "Hello...?" ["Hello, Kizami. Are you free?"]. "What, now? Yeah, I got all my assignments finished already so I'm free". ["How very like you. I always knew we were alike in some aspects"]. This was true. Fukuroi and I were similar in the intelligence aspect, although our interests were very different. ["Anyway, I just finsished my afternoon classes. We can grab a coffee or tea until I have to start my shift at work"]. "I see. Well, that sounds fine. Should I meet you at the usual place?" ["Yes, please. I'll see you there"]. "See you there". I hung up, sighing deeply. To the coffee place it is. Hopefully I could call or text Kurosaki later on. I wanted to get in touch with him since it had been about a week since we were last in contact. Work just piled up and I didn't have time, which made me feel awful if I'm honest. I felt terrible and wanted to make it up to him. One day I planned to go visit him in Osaka. Catch up on the past week face-to-face. During the summer would be our three year anniversary. I planned to take the day off from my job then. I didn't have school either on that day. I only knew that after doing some math in my head. But I didn't make proper plans yet. Where to go, what to do and...whose place we should go to. Gah, I couldn't think about that! We only slept together once! I paused at my embarrassing thought while putting on my shoes. I decided to distract myself from those thoughts by checking if I had everything. Phone, wallet, actually money, credit card and apartment key. After checking everything, I went out. I locked the door behind me and set off. Maybe a hot drink would take my mind of things, I wondered as I took the elevator down to the ground floor. 

I had been spending more time with Fukuroi than I did before. He was a good guy, and being around him was a nice change of pace. Although it seemed off since Yamamoto wasn't by his side. He must have missed her as much as I missed Kurosaki. We sat in the coffee place, drinking whatever we ordered while sitting by one of the windows. A lot of people seemed to drop by the place during the colder days, which made sense. It probably didn't get a lot of business during the summer, unless they served cold drinks as well. I don't know, I don't look at the menu since my orders are quite straightforward. Fukuroi sipped his herbal tea after blowing the steam away several times. "The tea here is always good". He claimed, taking another sip. "I guess, but I mostly have coffee nowadays". 'Your teeth will go bad". "Thanks, Mom". Fukuroi frowned, although he usually did. If his eyebrows furrowed anymore he would grow wrinkles on his forehead, that's what Kurosaki always used to say. It made me smile, always. "Kizami, I have to ask. How are things with you and Kensuke, even though you haven't seen eachother in so long?" "...I'm not sure. I think we're okay. I just...wish I can see him again". "You will. He's in the city right next door, it's not as if he moved halfway across the world". "I know. I hope to see him soon". I sipped my drink, thinking of Kurosaki. I often thought of him, but the idea of being near him physically was almost maddening. My impatience to see him would only grow and I would want to do something crazy like travel to Osaka just to see him when I didn't know where he lived specifically. I knew the region, just not the streets or his apartment building. I never asked. I thought ouf doing so later on when I would call him. 

To bring me away from my thoughts, I felt Fukuroi nudge my forearm. "What is it?" I asked. He appeared to be looking over to the center of the shop, his head lowered with his glasses nearly sliding off. "K-Kizami, are those girls staring at us?" I looked over without a care. Two girls at another table quickly averted their gazes as soon as I looked over. "Yeah, they were staring. That's my cue to leave". "H-huh?! Leave?!" "Yeah, women make me tired. There's only one person in my life, romantically, and that's Kurosaki-who is a man. I get tired of women trying to persue me so I might as well pack up and leave". "Are you serious? Then I'll come with you". "No, you stay. They might feel embarrassed if we both leave. Here's my part of the bill". "Kizami...!" Fukuroi whispered, looking like he was ready to crawl up into a ball. I stood, leaving my half of the bill before leaving the store. I wished him luck silently. 

I decided to head back to the apartment, but would first call Kurosaki as I walked. I speed-dialed his number, held the phone to my ear, and walked on while waiting patiently for him to answer. ["Uh, hello?"] He answered, lifting my spirts a little. "Hey, Kurosaki. It's been a while, huh?" ["Y-yeah. Um, I really missed you"]. "Me too, and I'm sorry. Work just piled up and-". ["N-no, no need to apologise. I was really busy too. I'm just glad we managed to get in contact. Uh, there's something I have to ask"]. I raised an eyebrow, puzzled. ["Where are you right now?"] Why would he need to know..."Um, I'm nearing the train station, at the gates. Why?" ["Uh, well..."]. There was a pause, the loud beeping of the train gates as they lowered filled my ears. I looked towards the traffic that began to stop by the gates, screeching of tires ringing out in the cold. There was a moment, a pause. Time seemed to slow down as I turned my head, facing forward and past the gates. Only then did my heart nearly stop, for a split second, before the train rushed inbetween me and..."Kuro-...". Screeching of the tracks filled my ears, the clanking and banging of metal on metal. The windows almost glowed as they flew past me. I lowered my phone slowly, clicking the button to end the call. My mind raced as fast as my heart. What I just saw was no illusion, and I would soon clarify that. Sooner than I thought. There was another split second, the end of the train whizzing past and a cool breeze following behind it. My eyes widened, and my heart pounded. There was the beeping again, the beeping that signaled the gates to rise once more. I was still, frozen as ice, but fully aware that what I was seeing wasn't a dream. He, too, stood still, staring at me with surprise. But was, of course, the first to smile as he ended his own call. "Ki-Kizami". "Kuro...saki". I was in disbelief, but couldn't stop believing it. "Kizami...!" Kurosaki repeated, rushing towards me with open arms. I held out my arms, barely ready for him to leap into them. He did, and I stumbled slightly. He grew again, but only slightly. Our height barely changed. I embraced him tightly, Kurosaki doing the same as his feet barely touched the ground. Perhaps he didn't grow at all. It seemed like an eternity since I last held him. These past three weeks were long and seemed almost endless without Kurosaki. 

When we did pull away from eachother, there were smiles on both our lips. We looked at eachother's faces, happy to see the other like it was the whole world before us. There was a brief moment of silence as we tried to take it all in. It seemed we were both unable to find words, but I spoke up. "Kurosaki, I haven't seen you in...". "Three weeks". He ended my sentence. I knew. I knew how long it had been. Nearly a whole month without seeing eachother's faces. But nothing had changed, except the obvious growth of facial hair. "...I really missed you". "Yeah, I know. I really missed you too". "So, is that why you're here in Nagoya?" He nodded, looking a little embarrassed. "I had to come see you some time. It's been far too long and I didn't want to have a long distance relationship with you forever". I felt the same, but..."You should called ahead, you don't know where I live". Kurosaki laughed out his embarrassment, a nervous sort of laugh while he rubbed the back of his head. "I know, sorry. And sorry if it seems kinda clingy". "No, not at all. I've wanted to come visit you anyway. This saves me the journey, but I owe you one". "No you don't". "Well, why not come to my apartment?". Kurosaki was surprised then. "Eh? Your...apartment". He took a moment before smiling, his eyes lowered as if embarrassed. "O-okay...". He muttered. "Alright. Come on". I took his hand, intending to take us both from the cold, as it was still spring. The days had gotten warmer, but it was still a little chilly. I couldn't offer much hospitality, but I wanted Kurosaki to feel comfortable. 

My apartment was small, but affordable. Cozy, but practical. No one needs a lot of furniture of things to call it home. I have everything I need within a small space of three room and two closets. By the time we reached my apartment door, night had fallen. It was the early hours, but was still dark out. Kurosaki had brought a small bag with him. He said it was in case he didn't find me and had to go to a hotel until morning. Luckily he did find me. I wouldn't have him stay at a hotel or motel or anywhere like that. "Right, come on in. Make yourself at home". I turned on the light as I entered, going in first to see if I could make us something to drink. Kurosaki looked around as he took off his shoes, curious. I took off mine and stepped in the kitchen area which was right in front of the entrance. "Um, I know there isn't a lot of space but...". "That's okay. My apartment is the exact same, and it's still cozy. I have everything I need there". "Oh, I see. Well, this should feel like home, then". "Well, almost". Kurosaki stood next to me as I started to boil the kettle to make some tea. I looked to him in question. "It's...kinda lonely". I paused for a moment, taking that moment to find an appropriate response. "I...I know what you mean. It is lonely". For a long time I had always wanted to live awaw from my parents, possibly to live alone. Then I moved in with Kurosaki and his parents and I found peace within that. I found happiness, even if it's just a little bit of happiness. We stared at eachother for a while before I continued with my task. "So, uh, do you want ordinary tea or something herbal? I don't buy a lot of tea anymore so I only have two here. Which one?" "Just ordinary tea, thanks". "Coming right up. Um, you can sit at the table over there. Get comfortable". "R-right, thank you". Kurosaki isn't usually very formal with me so I was a bit puzzled by his behaviour. Was he...nervous? This was the first time he was out of his comfort zone and had just entered my apartment for the first time. It was just two of us, it was night and, well, we hadn't seen eachother in so long that we were deprived from physical contact. Some urges may have stirred up inside over the past three weeks, daydreams and even...wet dreams. God, I sound like a teenager. And I'm not a teenager anymore. I'm an adult and I'm only just having such things as 'wet dreams'. It's humiliating, but...I've never wanted Kurosaki so much.

I brought the tea over when it was ready, sitting down next to Kurosaki after placing the tray on he table. "Thanks again". He mumbled, taking his tea and sipping it. Silence filled the small space of the room. I felt a little uncomfortable and awkward. But we couldn't be silent forever. "Um, Kurosaki...it's late so...ahem...i-if you want you could, uh, stay here tonight. I can lay out a spare futon for you and make something if you're hungry". I felt even more awkward. But I said it, at least. No, that didn't mean anything if Kurosaki felt awkward too. "Um, could I? I mean, I have afternoon classes tomorrow so I won't be late or anything if I...stick around. So, can I really stay?" The awkwardness inside broke. "Yes, of course you can". I looked to Kurosaki with a smile, he smiled back as he put down his tea. There was that moment again. Silence. But it didn't last. I was lost in thought, staring deeply into Kurosaki's eyes as he stared deeply into mine. And I couldn't hold back much longer. As if Kurosaki read my mind, or because the moment felt right, he leaned into me when I began to lean into him. I closed my eyes, ready to embrace him and kiss him. In only a few seconds our lips met, softly at first. I had been waiting to do it for so long that I lost patience. I wrapped my arms around his waist securely. Kurosaki immediatly held onto me, his arms around my neck, our kiss becoming deeper. I held his waist, lowering him down onto the hardwood floor. I kept him trapped there, moulding our lips together and pushing my tongue past his. "Hmph, n-nn!" Kurosaki moaned against the kiss, sending vibrations across my lips. I couldn't stop myself. I pushed Kurosaki's legs apart and pressed myself inbetween them with excitement. "Mnn! Nn! Haah, haa...". I only pulled away for a moment, catching my breath before diving right back in. 

Kurosaki's chest heaved, almost suffocated. So I pulled away once more. I was breathless as well, so it was only right to stop. Kurosaki's fingers gripped my hoodie tightly, shivering. "Kurosaki...". I whispered his name, breathless. Holding him in my arms once more, I felt his arms pull me in by the neck. It gave me the opportunity to smother my lips into the crook of his neck to give light kisses, soft kisses. I even dared to lick the skin, causing shivers to run through his body. "K-Kizami, not here. Let's, haa, g-go into the b-bedroom". He stammered, his face hot against my skin. I couldn't agree more with him. My futon would prove more comfortable than the floor. So I got up, helping Kurosaki to his feet. "Okay. I'll lay out a futon, for us to share for now". There seemed to be no shame in my words, but embarrassment spread across my cheeks. Embarrassment and a lust that I held back for three weeks. I couldn't do that anymore.

I didn't turn on the light of my bedroom. It remained off as I prepared a futon. Kurosaki decided to go into the bathroom and 'freshen up'. I was nervous, but more excited. This would be our second time having sex. Even saying it in my head excited me. It didn't take long for the futon to be ready, so I stripped a little since my body felt like it was on fire. I got rid of my hoodie and undid my belt with quivering hands. I took a deep breath, not wanting to make myself too nervous or excited. I felt like I would go crazy, but my chance to become calm was stopped the moment I heard the door slide open. "I-I'm ready now". I listened to Kurosaki's quiet voice, and turned around. He wore only a t-shirt and his boxers. My face became very hot in that instant and I couldn't help but avert my gaze, clearing my throat. "Ahem, uh...w-well...". I couldn't find the words, I couldn't say anything. But Kurosaki approuched me anyway, and I raised my head to meet our gazes. He took both my hands in his and leaned up to kiss me. Only for a second. "U-um, should we...get more comfortable?" I suggested, gulping. "Uh-huh. Take your time". Kurosaki sat on the futon, I kneeled in front of him and moved forward to meet his lips. Once again I lowered him down onto his back. While kissing and touching Kurosaki after all this time, butterflies formed in my stomach and, between us, the heat only grew more intense with each passing moment. Only then did I truely feel like we were lovers, since this happened before. But not just for the sake of it. No. But because we truely wanted to, because we loved eachother and trusted eachother to indulge and embrace one another in sweat and breathlessness, in moans and cries of pure pleasure. To see Kurosaki with that kind of face again, it made my heart race and my stomach flutter. 

I was shaking again. I simply wanted to lie down with Kurosaki and clear my head, but the cramped feeling returned. My legs quaked beneath me and the heat arose within my boxer-briefs. I could collapse at any moment. And it was almost unbearable. The heat...It was killing me. I had never had a more powerful urge to...feel Kurosaki...i-inside. I twitched at the thought, causing me to gasp away from our kiss. "Kizami, are you alright?" Kurosaki asked, breathlessly, cleary shaking too. "I-I'm fine. Just shaky. But...I am fine. I can do this". We had done quite a bit already. Touching and preparing Kurosaki as much as I could. I was fine, right until this final part had arrived. I managed to gain my composure last time, but this was so difficult. Being with Kurosaki like this...I felt so strange all over. "Kizami, we can stop if...". "N-no. I want to...make you feel good". "I'm nervous too, but maybe...". Kurosaki paused for a moment before cupping my chin in his hand. He raised my head and caught my attention. "Let me do it, just until you feel more confident". "What do you mean?" Kurosaki didn't respond with words. He just, in one moment, tipped me over and onto my back. I almost came off of the futon completely, surprise obviously on my features. Kurosaki, quivering, straddled me and sat uncomfortably on my lap. It felt so hot, since he was wearing no clothes. I stripped him of everything, which only explained half of the reason why he was shivering. "Kurosaki, don't. You're shaking too". "I-I know. But I feel that...this would be easier". "B-but, this is only your first time doing something like this. It will hurt". "I-it's okay, becuase it hurt last time too. But I felt really good afterwards because of you. I trusted you. Um, do you trust me to do this now?" I didn't need to hesitate very long. Of course I trusted him. How could I not? 

"Yes, I trust you". Kurosaki bent his back as he reached for my hand. I took his, and rested both at the side of my head. The fingers were locked securely. "Here I go. I'll take my time". Kurosaki raised his hips first, and then lowered himself down. I felt it, all over as heat engulfed me. I couldn't control my voice. "A-ahn! Aah!" "Ah! Aah! Ah-hah!" Kurosaki's breathing was just as shaky as mine. He tried to hold back his voice but failed, stopping for a few seconds before continuing. This was so new and almost as scary as our first time. Nevertheless, Kurosaki pushed on, or so to speak. "Kizami...Kizami...". Kurosaki muttered my name, his eyes teary. I reached up with my free hand to wipe the pain away from his face. He leaned his cheek into my hand, wanting whatever comfort I offered. It must have been painful. But the fact that he wanted to continue, to endure it for just a little longer made me kind of happy. "Kurosaki, keep going. Just take it slowly. I'll move too, when you're ready". He nodded, forcing a smile that was out of honesty. Without the ability to fully lean down and kiss me, Kurosaki settled for placing kisses on my fingers and palm. That satisfied me. "Kurosaki, you can move now. Are you comfortable enough?" "Comfortable isn't the right word". He giggled. "But I can try. You just relax". "I'll say the same for you". It was then that Kurosaki began to move his hips, slowly, taking in what he could until we both got used to it. This feeling was...bouncy and hot. I didn't do anything until the need and the lust took over. I shut my eyes, my lips parted for my panting to escape. Then, I moved my hips too. Kurosaki almost lost balance when I did so, although losing his composure when he did so. His voice just came out, uncontrolably as the drool sliding down his chin. He felt good too. "Mo-more...More, Kizami~!" This was the first time I had heard him plead so desperately. It was beautiful. In a way, I took the initiative again. It didn't stop, not for a while. The sensations and the heat were tormenting, but good. I felt so good. Kurosaki even cried it to the heavens that he felt good. By the end, only our heavy panting filled the room and our sweet words. "Kizami, I...I love you". "Me too. I love you. That was so incredible". We couldn't hold back our smiles. Kurosaki, when he was able to, pressed our foreheads together. It was a little sticky, hot and wet, but nothing could change this moment for the worst. It was just perfect. Just us, here, alone, and loving it. 

I had to change the futon again. Not that I minded, but I was worn out. Kurosaki went to clear up his...mess in the bathroom, if not shower. He returned a few minutes as I lay under the toasty covers of a clean futon. Kurosaki joined me, almost sinking against me. He was exhausted too. So I became his second blanket, wrapping my arms around him to keep his bare body warm. "How do you feel?" I asked, weary. "I feel good, a little sore". Kurosaki was in the same condition as me, only sounding more exhaust of energy. Well, he did most of the work this time. Either that or sex made him sleepy, since he was active anyway. Not sexually active, just...Forget it. My mind went blank for a moment, and I could have sworn that I was rambling. "Kurosaki, I'm sorry about...not taking the initiative tonight". "Don't worry. You kinda did in the end. It'll get better, anyway". He was right. Whether he meant that my confidence would grow or that we would both generally get better with sex. "I'm also sorry for...finishing i-inside. I'll buy protection for next time and a lubricant so it's less painful for you". "Uhn-hn...". Kurosaki went limp in my arms. "Kurosaki...?" I listened intently, hearing soft breathing from him. He was asleep. Fast asleep. I relaxed into the futon with him, my arms still around him. I kissed his forehead, and pulled the covers further over our naked bodies. "Goodnight, Kurosaki. Sweet dreams". I closed my eyes, burying my nose and lips into his messy hair. Tonight, although incerdibly amazing, was tiring. We both only had afternoon classes the following day, but sleep was important regardless. It made me happy, though. The thought of waking up from a well-earned rest to see Kurosaki next to me. To wake up with him and say good morning to him like before. Surely, I thought as I drifted off, that would place a wonderful dream into my head tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, these scenes won't be explicit in detail. However, I feel that they should be a little more detailed. Not as detailed as an Explicit rated fanfiction, but detailed in a sense that makes you go nuts from Kurozami love. I do. I go nuts about Kurozami love. They are my only true pairing in Corpse party, right at number one. Fukuroi x Mitsuki is second place. Kizami x Yuka is in third....Just kidding (Maybe). Anyway, hope you enjoyed. I freaking love this story and I hope you do too. See you all next time. Bye!


	47. Freshmen Year - One "The Morning After" Out Of Many To Come

Kurosaki's POV

I felt it again, fading into my muscles and bones. The pain from last night, after we...after Kizami and I...It shouldn't be difficult to say it. I'm eighteen already, a man. So why does the thought of having sex with Kizami make me so anxious? It's not because I'm not used to it or the fact that I did it with a man. It's because I did it with Kizami. I felt incredibly anxious that night, but I couldn't stop thinking about how cute Kizami was. Although he was still dominant last night, I took the initiative since he was quite shaken up. I was shaking too, but it seemed easier. Besides, we both felt good so there was no problem. It hurt at first, but as soon as I got used to it and Kizami started moving too, I was in ecstacy. Right now, although still in my memory, the feeling faded away and I was left with pain in my hips, back and my...behind. I felt it as soon as I opened my eyes again. I felt...empty for some reason. Like I was missing something. I took a deep breath in my waking moment, weakly reaching up to wipe away the sleep from my eyes. I couldn't sit up as the pain made a home in my hips and back. My butt burned and the scratch marks on my hips were definitely still there. No one told me that sleeping with a man could be this painful the next morning. I knew it would be but this was a whole new level of pain the next morning. I groaned, feeling a yawn make its way up my throat and exit past my lips. I shut my eyes for another moment, and listened. I could vaguely hear the running of a faucet and some tapping. Kizami was up, that obvious the moment I felt the emptiness in his futon. Soon I brought up the courage to sit up and face my pain head-on. It wasn't easy, though. 

"Mnng...ah-ow, ow, owww...". I whispered, my back cracking and my hips screaming with pain. I could feel tears well-up in my eyes, but I held back. Taking a few deep breaths I managed to calm myself down. It was sore to sit but I would have to get used to that. The sunshine blasted through the balcony door, the curtains slightly open as if Kizami just checked the weather and didn't bother to open the curtains fully. I was relieved he didn't. The sound of the running faucet cut off and all was quiet again. That's when I looked to the bedroom door to see it open slightly. I could just see the main room of the apartment. I rubbed my eyes again, lifting the blanket up to cover myself. I didn't put on any clean clothes, afterall. So I was naked, in Kizami's futon. My face became warm. I had never been naked in Kizami's bed before, but this must have been how he felt the first time we slept together in my room. I listened again, hearing tapping against the hardwood floors, approuching the bedroom. My eyes remained on the slightly ajar bedroom door until I saw a figure slide it open all the way. I smiled, seeing Kizami. He was dressed in a long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants, probably just for quickness. He had a clean shave as well, which explained the sounds from earlier. He raised his head, spotting me too. His cheeks became pink and he averted his gaze slightly. "U-um, goo-good morning". He muttered. "Good morning". I replied, feeling sheepish as I covered up more of my body. "Did you sleep well? Are you...sore at all?" His cheeks became redder by asking his own question. He was just being considerate. "I slept okay, but I'm kind of sore. It hurt to sit up, if I'm honest". "S-sorry about that. I might have been a little rough with you-not on purpose, of course. Just...". "It's okay. I felt really good, even if you were...a little rough". I averted my gaze too, feeling my face grow hotter than before. The awkward conversation continued without us both realising. "D-d-did you feel good t-too?" I was shaking slightly. "Yes, I did. You were, um, really amazing last night". "Y-you too. Really amazing". It wasn't like this the first time. We were nervous the next morning, sure, but it wasn't. this. awkward! "I'll start breakfast. There's still water in the bath. It should still be warm. So, feel free to use it. I'll just...". Kizami left the room immediatly after his pause, probably wanting to break away from the awkward mood. We were both still so shy, it was kind of cute. Adorable, even. 

I managed to get up, taking my bag with me to the bathroom. I needed some cover so I took my towel and wrapped it around my waste. Kizami was in the kitchen area, beginning to cook breakfast. He seemed okay, now. I just couldn't let him catch me in nothing but a towel right now. Even if he did already see me naked, twice. I snuck into the bathroom and put my bag down on the floor. I needed to relax and reset my brain. Hopefully a warm bath would help ease the pain. I was counting on it to do so. 

I washed up, bathed and then exited the bathroom in clean clothes. Good thing I brought spares. It couldn't hurt to be prepared for anything. A pleasant smell filled the apartment, obviously coming from the kitchen. I approuched Kizami who was making the miso soup and checking everything else with good timing. Well he was always a better cook than me. "Eh, hey". I said. He looked over to me and smiled shyly. "Hey. How do you feel?" "Much better, thanks. Umm, want me to help out?" "Actually, could you? Can you please take the rice out of the ricecooker?" "Sure thing". I looked around for bowls in the cuboards, eventually finding the appropriate sized ones. He had three, strangely enough. They must have come in a set. I turned off the rice cooker and poured a decent amount into each bowl. Kizami also appeared to be preparing salmon for the side dish. "I don't get to cook proper meals often because of school, but I try". I was the same. I had to by a lot of convenience store food in case I didn't have the time to make proper meals. I felt bad because Mom would ask if I'm eating proper meals everyday. I didn't want her to worry so much, but she was my Mother and her worries would only grow as I grew up. "Right, breakfast is ready. Do you mind setting the table?" "No, not at all. I'll get right to it". We both served each dish and sat at the table. Well, I did but it wasn't very comfortable. Good thing Kizami had floor cushions to help ease the pain a little more. "Are you alright?" He asked, noticing my uncomfortability. "Y-yeah, I'm really okay. It's just sore to sit down". I fidgeted slightly, holding my lips in so that I didn't let my voice out. How long would the pain last this time? 

We both changed for when I would leave Kizami's apartment that morning. He said that he would walk me to the station and wait with me. The journey was quiet as neither of us took the chance to speak. It was still a little awkward, but it didn't stop us from holding hands on the way to the station. Kizami was the one leading the way since I was completely lost. This was my first time in Nagoya, after all. "So, uh...". I decided to break the silence and engage in some sort of conversation. "Have you gotten used to living here yet?" "Oh, yes. It's lot easier. I don't have to ask for directions anymore, but there are still some places in Nagoya that I want to visit. Maybe we could go together, for a date?" It's been a long time since we had a date. Hearing Kizami suggest it made me a little excited, that's how long it's been. "Y-yeah, let's have a date sometime. We could, uh, go to a sushi bar or get...ice-cream?" I got a little too excited. Kizami chuckled. I almost forgot that he had the most beautiful laugh. "Okay, either of those is fine. There's a sushi bar in one of the shopping districts. It's really good, I went with Fukuroi once or twice". Finally, something to talk about. "Oh, right. How is Fukuroi?" "He's the same as usual. The only thing that's changed is his brand of glasses, since his old one's broke". Fukuroi isn't a clumsy person so I was curious as to how they broke. "How did that happen?" "Some classmates around campus were playing baseball in the local field and, well...". Kizami paused. "Did the...ball hit his face?" Kizami nodded. Apparently one of the players hit a homerun, also hitting Fukuroi in the face and knocking him out. His glasses broke and so did his nose. I felt bad for him. Anyone would laugh if they didn't Fukuroi. His pride must have hit rock bottom. Poor guy. He doesn't deserve that. "He's okay now. Not traumatised at all, anymore". "Well,that's good. I hope I can see him again since we were quite close". I've always been good friends with Fukuroi. I was curious. Did he get a girlfriend yet? Was he still talking to Mitsuki or anyone else? There was so much I wanted to know. I wanted to know more about Kizami too, since we didn't exactly get to talking much. Hopefully the next time we saw eachother, we could talk more and go on dates again. Yeah, that's what I really wanted. 

An automated announcement rang out throughout the station, signalling that the next train would arrive soon. That was my train. Kizami waited with me patiently, holding my hand as we waited under the shelter on the platform. No one was around right now, so it was okay. No one would walk by and judge us. "Your train is arriving soon, so I just want to say something before you leave". I looked up at Kizami, curious as to what he would say. He wore a straight expression that was serious in every definition of the word. So I didn't speak for the moment, I just listened to whatever he wanted to say. "I'm really glad you decided to visit". He began. "I really missed you, and I don't say that about everyone. In fact, you're the only one. That's the truth. I'm happy you came and that we...you know, did what we did. So, I'll visit when I can. I'll stop by and you can send me the details of where you live and such, okay?" For a moment, I was quiet. Kizami was looking at me, still as serious as ever. If Kizami could visit me too, that would make me unbelievably happy. I wasn't sure why, but the thought made me happy. Really happy. A smile curved onto my lips. I wrapped my arm around Kizami's, resting my cheek against it comfortably while our hands and fingers remained interlinked. "Okay. I'll send you the proper details through e-mail, and you can visit me too. Whenever you can. I guess this means we'll have to exchange class and work schedules, just so we can orginise a good date and time to meet". "I agree". It wouldn't be easy, seeing eachother as much as we used to. There was school, work, our individual social life and then the two of us, meeting and figuring out what to do with whatever time we had together. It was sad to think about, but what was even more upsetting was the thought of drifting away from Kizami. Realistically, e-mails and texts weren't enough to keep a relationship. Both members of that relationship have to make an effort, they have to work hard in order for the relationship to work. Kizami and I are adults now. What we have, since connsumating our relationship, feel more mature. It feels more serious than when we were teenagers. Of course it's fun and exciting now, but this is the point were I feel that we have to try hard and make it work out. All I want is for Kizami to be happy, and I know he wishes the same of me. I know it can work. I know there will be a happy ending. 

The train began to pull up into the station. Several people gathered near the edge of the platform, quite a lot of people. Kizami walked with me, our hands seperating as we approuched the crowd. The train finally haulted and took a moment before it could open the doors. "Kurosaki,". Kizami's voice was so deep, cutting through the atmosphere like a knife slicing into butter. So sharp, but so smooth. I turned to him in an instant, hearing the obnoxious beeping that signalled the opening of the doors. "Take care, okay? I love you". Kizami didn't care about being in public. It didn't bother him in the slightest. Just telling me how he felt, and what he truely wanted to say, was enough to him. Other people didn't matter. Just us. "You too. I'll send you an e-mail once I go home". "Right. I will talk to you then". The sound of beeping stopped and the crowd slowly began to move like a herd of sheep. I planned to follow them, mix in with the crowd. But I was stopped the moment Kizami took hold of my hand again and leaned in. My eyes grew wide, but I didn't move away from Kizami. Not as he cupped my cheek or when he placed his lips over mine. The crowd flooded past us and walked onto the train, ignoring us in the flood as it past by us. And Kizami was phased at all. He knew what he was doing. He knew, yet he didn't care who was watching. He was confident or cocky enough to do it. Kizami didn't care in a sense that was indifferent. So what if people saw? Stared? Judged? They didn't know us and would simply forget in the next few minutes. Kizami knew that, and that's why he kissed me, why he was kissing me at that moment while the crowd faded behind us. I swear, kissing Kizami would never get old. It would still make my heart pound and send pleasured goosbumps across my skin. 

... 

The journey wasn't too long so I had time before afternoon classes. I would just go home and relax for a while, clear my head. First I would have to e-mail Kizami and give him my address details, though. I had a private server so no one else would see except for Kizami. Even if he wouldn't recieve it right away, I could still send a message that he could get later. I typed what came to mind, including my address below. [Hey, Kizami. I literally just got home so I'm kimda tired. Still doesn't stop me from writing an e-mail. Anyway, here's my address. If you want, I can send you the details about my class and work schedule. I'll get back to you when I can]. I typed in my address, making sure to add a smiley face on te end so the e-mail was less dull. It was sent and I felt that I could relax, until..."Hm...?" I heard the noise, the small noise that indicated that I got an e-mail. I looked over it. [Thanks...]. It was Kizami. Wow, he got home fast. Now I had to type back and have a conversation, since I always liked talking to Kizami. [Wow, you got there quickly. Anyway, do you want my schedule now, too?] Send. [Yes, please. I'll give you mine, it's no problem]. We sent eachother the details, and I was curious to look over it and write it down so it was there forever. I scrambled for a notepad and pen, scribbling down his schedule throughout the week. He went to school on usual days as any college student does, but had a mixed work schedule. It appeared he worked three to four hours every day except Sundays. What kind of job did he have that required so much work? I had to ask. [Kizami, what kind of job do you have?] [I actually work two jobs]. He answered, vaguely. But my curiousity went on a few steps ahead of me. [Isn't that tough, even if it's just a few hours?] [It is very taxing, yes. But the pay is good, so that's what matters. How about you? What's you're job?] [I work part-time at a bookstore and as a supermarket clerk. Pretty boring, right? At least it pays rent]. That's all that mattered at the moment. I did like my jobs, that matters a lot, but I wanted to do something I really enjoyed. [I feel the same about my job]. Kizami replied. [As long as I have a stable income, it doesn't matter]. The tone of that didn't feel right to me. I felt like I had to ask again. [Kizami, what is your job, exactly? What does it involve?] That didn't come out right, but it couldn't be erased. [If you think I became a prostitute or a member of the japanese mafia then you are way off]. I felt relieved, in a way. If Kizami was doing something he shouldn't...I overthinking things, I know. [Don't worry. I just don't find my job enjoyable, that's all. It pays rent and food expenses so I'm sticking with it]. That was as good a reason as any, I suppose. I just feel that Kizami should work at a job that he loves, that's all. 

We didn't have to talk long over e-mail until last night was brought into the conversation. [Hey, Kizami, I'm still shaken up about last night. It doesn't hurt anymore, I just feel...I can't really describe it]. It was really exciting and fun and passionate. I couldn't get it out of my head. [You were really cute, then]. Kizami replied with a hint of simplicity in his words. [You too. I don't think I'll ever hear you, Yuuya Kizami, make that face or those noises any other way]. It was a bit cheeky of me, but I felt thrilled by saying it. [I should say the same about you. I've never seen that look on your face, and I've certainly never seen you plead with such desperation]. This was getting a little frisky, so I decided to tone it down. [Are you sadistic, or what?] [No, I'm not. Not really, anyway]. I laughed at that. Did Kizami just admit to being a sadist? I read on. [Anyway, I was just thinking that what we did, the way we did it, felt really good. So maybe we could try other things the next time we see eachother?] Other things? [I don't want to rush into things at all, I just want us both to be more confident when having sex. After all, I was quite the shaking mess]. Kizami was shaking a lot that time. I was too, of course. So gaining more confidence would help, but to do that it seemed as though we would have to try different things a little at a time until we were confident to do whatever we could. [I see]. I replied. [You're right. But what could we do for or...two eachother?] I grew a little bashful, feeling that this was a conversation was for the bedroom and not over e-mail. [Well, I've done quite a bit of research on sex between men]. He said with little shame. [There's a lot we could do. I mean, a lot]. If his big sister or my Mom saw his internet history they would have a heart attack. [There's different positions, foreplay and such. It's embarrassing to mention but we should be mature enough to handle it]. Kizami was right. Although getting embarrassed was normal, I couldn't let it get to me. I wanted sex to be an amazing experience with Kizami. Fun, loving and very intimate. [Yeah, you're totally right. Maybe we can discuss it some...other time?] I certainly implied something within that pause. [Right, I understand. Uh, listen, afternoon classes are starting soon so I have to go]. I checked my watch, seeing that time had really flew by. I had classes in two hours. [Okay, then. I'll talk to you later and we could organise something between us]. [Sure. Talk to you then]. 

We said our goodbyes and I turned off my laptop with a huge sigh. I still had a little time before I had to go to college, so I could grab a snack and a drink on the way. I got up from my desk chair and grabbed my bag which was always made up for my classes. Notebooks, stationery and so on. I checked I had my wallet and cell phone before heading out. I thought about our conversation and wondered about what we could do next. We would definitely have sex again, but I wondered what was in store for us when we did. What did Kizami have planned? It made me want to do research of my own. That was something to be sheepish about, but Kizami mattered more. If it helped give us a little push in our sexual activities then I didn't mind lookimg into some things such as positions or...foreplay. We would also have to invest in some protection and something to help with the pain. Haah, this was going to be a tiring process, but I felt that it would be all worth it once we gained some confidence in ourselves and eachother. Research would begin that evening, after school and work. Then I could visit Kizami and we could do it again, only with a little more confidence than before. Even if it's just a tiny step towards being lovers who could have sex without a worry. As I walked, a smile crossed my lips and I was suddenly given a slight boost of determination. Anything to see that cute expression on Kizami's face again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued with another scene of non-graphic love-making! :D


	48. Freshmen Year - Heat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the 23rd of October! Happy birthday to Kizami! I finished this chapter today for the occassion, sort of. I'll also write a halloween based fanfiction, even though they don't celebrate halloween in Japan. I'll do something with it. Anyway, enjoy the next chapter!

Kizami's POV

I waited, as we arranged. Patiently waiting for Kurosaki to arrive at his own local train station so we could be together. It was nearing the late hours of the evening, darkness vastly approuching to cover the sky once again. I felt cozy in the clothes that I picked, but uncomfortable at the same time. It may have been a bit much, but it couldn't be helped. I wondered if Kurosaki would notice. Hopefully not. I would feel a little self-conscious. I don't usual feel that way. In fact, it seems all of my new feelings come to light because of Kurosaki. I truely feel these things because of him, which makes me a little happy. Hm, another emotion that I'm very familiar with now. Happiness. It's such a strong feeling, isn't it? I never realised. 

As the small thought past the crowd of my many other thoughts, so did a smile. It past my lips for a moment until I heard Kurosaki. He called out to me from a short distance, catching my attention immediatly. He waved to me, smiling from ear to ear. I never get tired of seeing that smile. "Heeeey, Kizami!". He called out to me as he approuched. I moved away from the wall that I previously leaned against. I had to internally calm down. Seeing Kurosaki was beginning to excite me. I'm not an easily-excitable person. Kurosaki just brings it out of me. I didn't like to think that I was getting excited in more than one way, but I was still a young man. Even though I couldn't let such things plague my thoughts, it almost couldn't be helped. "Good even-Heh, hello, Kurosaki. How, uh, how are you doing?" "I'm great. Um, you?" "I'm fine. Shall we go?" "Yeah, let's. There should be a table at the sushi place, since I don't wanna wait". We decided for our first date in a long time we would go to a sushi bar. Neither of us had anything to eat since lunch and the time for dinner had long past. This place was still open though, which was convenient since we wouldn't be going anywhere too flashy or fancy. A simple date was enough. That and staying over with Kurosaki. To be perfectly honest, I wished for us to have intercourse again, to experience it all over again. But I would be more confident this time. Even if I trembled or if my legs quaked underneath me, I wanted to make Kurosaki feel good in all sorts of places. That research wouldn't be for nothing. Kurosaki deserved to most pleasure I could offer, and as little pain as possible. It gives me pleasure, knowing that I'm giving it to Kurosaki. Tonight would be different. It would be a lot better. That, I was confident of.

We managed to get decent seats in the restraunt. It's never a pleasant idea to take sushi from the conveyer belt, so we ordered fresh food. I think the majority of customers did that anyway. We sat patiently, taking the small plates as they came. "I really like this place". Kurosaki claimed, eating up his first piece. "The food's the best that I've had since I moved out. I haven't had a lot of time to go anywhere like a ramen place or anything, especially by myself". Kurosaki would have both school and work to juggle at the moment. I did too so we could only see eachother at times like this, in the evenings. That is, unless we both have afternoon classes. There was still quite a lot to organise between us. I wanted to see Kurosaki whenever I could. The time we had together now seemed so short compared to high school, junior high school and elementary school. When I thought about that, the times when I used to play with Kurosaki ran through my head like a role of film. I remember each moment so vaguely because I used to take Kurosaki's company for granted. Never again will I think like that. The conversation continued. "Haven't you made new friends?" I asked before taking a sip of my drink. "Yeah, but they're just as busy. So I'm glad that you're here, Kizami, to give me company. It's the best company I've had throughout these past three weeks. Today and yesterday". Kurosaki looked bashful. His eyes focused on his plate for a moment before courageously wandering back to meet my gaze. 

We haven't really talked so I tried to get to know Kurosaki all over again. Although I knew so much about him, almost everything in fact, there were facts about him that continued to add on to the old ones. There were some new details that I wished to learn about him. "So, what are you majoring in?" "Oh, err, Japanese Studies. Yeah, kinda boring, but I should get some good back-up for when I want to get a practical job. I'm learning history and literature, so...B-but, I still have qualifications in P.E for when I want to follow my dream. I'll train on the side while I work a totally practical job". He was rambling a little, but only because he wasn't prepared for the question. It was cute how nervous he became in an instant. I couldn't help but chuckle. "Uhh, wh-what's so funny?" "Nuh-nothing...haha, it's just...I never expected you to get all nervous about answering such a straight-forward questions. It's unlike you". "Hehehe...". Kurosaki laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head. I smirked, appreaciating the moment we shared even if it was a little awkward. "Hehe, s-so, what are you majoring in? I can take a wild guess if you like". "No, that's alright. My major is business". "Ooh, mister future CEO over here". "Haha, I wouldn't go that far. I may not get such a position in years, or ever". "Aw, don't say that. You have the brains and the confidnece to be the boss of anyone. You'd make a great boss". I never even thought about it. I was still in university so, as of now, my only goal for the moment was to graduate with good grades and qualifications in order to get a job. A good one. Not like the two I have now. 

We spoke about everythingthat came to mind, everything new anyway. But neither of us spoke of our jobs much. I didn't want to explain anyway. The conversation past just as each plate of sushi did. It wasn't pricey so we had quite a fair share until we were full and when the restraunt would close in an hour's time. When it was time to exit, Kurosaki, very bashfully, invited me to his place since he apparently bought mochi ice-cream for the occassion. What occassion? Our date? It had been a while, and maybe Kurosaki was anxious. But also excited by the idea of having me in his aprtment. If he wanted to do...that again, I was prepared this time. Last time we didn't use protection or anything to ease the pain. I didn't want to risk diseases or hurting Kurosaki so I got what I could, in total embarrassment. I could remember the look the woman behind the desk gave me as I purchased my...items. Why did it have to be a woman at the pharmacy? I must have looked quite strange, even if it is normal for a young man to buy condoms. I didn't know the young lady butit ruined whatever image I have around strangers like her. Haah, no matter. I got the things and I hoped that Kurosaki would be okay with it, even if it was embarrassing. Really embarrassing... 

I was led to his apartment complex and then to his apartment. When Kurosaki opened the door, and I entered, I saw that it wasn't any different from my own in Nagoya. It was a cheap apartment, built for one person and only one. Everything he needed was there, not a lot of furniture or items but there was enough room for basic essentials. "Uh, have a seat and I'll get the, uh, mochi". He was definitely nervous. I couldn't help but smile in awe as he shot towards the kitchen area. I sighed quietly to myself, parking myself on one of the floor cushions by the table in the center of the room. My legs slid under the kotatsu comfortably as there was a step underneath. I sat as if I was sitting in a normal chair. It made me a little jealous since I didn't have a step under my table. It was still warm and cozy, though. Kurosaki's had a different pattern as well. His was blue and yellow while mine was red and maroon squares. 

I waited patiently, watching over Kurosaki for a moment as he set up a whole tray. His hands were clearly shaking from that distance. "Are you handling everything alright?" I asked him. "It's fine. I'm just kinda cold". This was a clear opportunity for deviance. I stood up and approuched Kurosaki from behind. He was in total surprise when I wrapped my arms around him to keep him warm. Although I held a straight face, I hugged him with affection. Although he was momentarily surprised by it, he remained still. "Is this better? You were shaking, so I thought you could use some warming up". "C-come on, I'll be fine once I get under you-uh! The kotatsu, I mean! Y-yeah, the kotatsu". Kurosaki's face became pure red. That was known as a freudian slip. He said what he was unconcsiously thinking, without intention. So was he thinking about us, in a sexual manner? I was so close to him right now that it just slipped. I hugged him tighter. "Kurosaki...". I was slightly bashful, but wanted to speak my mind. "Do you want to...sleep together again?" I practically whispered in his ear, sending visible shudders through his body. I hugged him tighter, squeezing the life out of him in affection with my lips hovering over the back of his head. Kurosaki gripped my wrists for a moment in silence before he hugged my arms and leaned his back into me. "Y-yeah, I do. I was waiting for it tonight. I hated that I was impatient, but I wanted to do it again". We were young and, in the beginning of our sexual activeness, we were hot and bothered. Things would settle down eventually and sex wouldn't be common between us, just to keep a little bit of excitement. But right now the idea of sleeping with Kurosaki was exciting and a thrill that shot down my spine and shuddered around my ribcage. I wanted to do it a lot more with him, and experience everything. "I want to do it, too, Kurosaki. I want to do it more with you, while we're still young". We were adults now, young adults. That wouldn't last forever and it seemed better to experience the fun of a sexual relationship with the person I loved right now, before we were a lot older. I locked hands with Kurosaki and kissed the back of his head. He flinched slightly before relaxing once more in my arms. "Do you want to have dessert later or now?" I asked, my other hand lingering around the hem of Kurosaki's shirt in order to slip my fingers underneath. "...Let's save the mochi for later. It's not going anywhere". Kurosaki squeezed my hand when he answered, and I couldn't stay still after hearing those sweet words of consent. "Alright. Let's go to the bedroom". I suggested, holding Kurosaki's hand still as I moved away and allowd him to lead us into the bedroom. My heart was already pounding crazily. Tonight, I knew, would be different. 

A futon was layed out for us to share that night. In the darkness of the bedroom, our lips moulded together, parted and moulding again while the wet sounds and short gasps filled our ears. I slid my hand uo Kurosaki's shirt, hearing him gasp from our kissing. "Are you okay?" "Y-yeah, that just surprised me". "Sorry, and excuse me. I can't hold back for much longer". The tension always got to me, the frustration cramping and heating up the inside of my pants. "It's okay". Kurosaki replied. "I can't either. It's really difficult to be patient, huh?" I nodded. "I-I will try to stay in control at least a little. Other than that, I really want to make you feel good right now". "Me too...". We stared at eachother for a moment, forgetting about our frustrated desires in that moment. That is until I remembered what I brought. "Oh, I, uh, have protection and...stuff to help with the pain". "Really? That's good, I'm glad". I left my bag on the floor next to me, so I rummaged through it until I found what I needed. "I have condoms and, well, uhh...". I paused. "Th-they didn't have any lubricant so I got the next best thing". I presented a bottle of lotion, my cheeks flushing crimson as I remembered why the woman at the pharmacy gave me a strange look. "O-oh, I see". Kurosaki was trying to be understanding. "Huh? What...?" Kurosaki looked over the comdoms, a smile suddenly appearing on his lips before he started laughing. "Wh-what's so funny." I asked, feeling worried. "D-did you buy flavoured condoms for a reason, or...am I missing something?" Flavoured? My face grew really hot. I suppose I was in haste when buying them so I didn't check. I felt rather silly and very embarrassed then. "Aww, I'm sorry, Kizami. I don't mean to shatter your confidence. I would be really embarrassed too, so don't worry. Daw, come here". I accepted Kurosaki comfort as he outstretched his arms to me. I was really embarrassed now. So much for being prepared. "Listen, w-we ca still use these, if you want". I pulled away from Kurosaki's hug, puzzled for only a second before I knew what he meant. "Kurosaki, are you sure?" He nodded. "Uh-huh. We have to use them, anyway. Flavoured or not". "You are right. Besides, you'll have to do the same when it's my turn to be bottom". "Wha-?! I...Um...". Kurosaki was really shy now, averting his gaze while his cheeks turned pure red in the darkness. I wanted to be on bottom, too. It was only fair since this would be my third time as the dominant participant. I never lose to anyone, no one. But I trusted Kurosaki. I wasn't losing, just being a part of something inimate and loving with my boyfriend even if I was the submissive too. With Kurosaki, it didn't bother me much. 

We proceeded, tearing open a condom and looking over the back instructions on how to put one on. We weren't going to get to the main 'action' until we were both prepared to do so. "Okay, uh...It says there's a correct way to put one on. Uhhh...uh!" I was still when I read over the contents. "What does it say?" Kurosaki read over the same contents, suddenly becoming as still as I was just seconds ago. He relaxed when reality set in. "This is...". I spoke first, y words trailing off as they left my thoughts. I didn't know what to say. "I...I think we can do it". Kurosaki claimed, still looking shy. He was right, there was no point complaining about it. It had to be done in order for it to be proper. "Okay, I think so too. Since I can't...uh....do you mind?" I looked to Kurosaki with the protection in hand. He looked at it for a moment before looking up at me with a smile. His hands cupped mine, kissing the skin before retracting the item from my fingers. I sat back as Kurosaki...did his thing. I panted heavily from excitement, gripping the futon underneath me tightly in anxiety. "If it's too tight, tell me, okay?" I nodded, my heart pounding. I squeezed my eyes shut right before...I felt it. "Haah! Ha-haaah!" I breathing hitched and I gasped, almost collapsing back onto the floor. At least, I thought I wouldn't. I was shortly relieved when the protection was on until Kurosaki lingered. I ended up falling back luckily holding myself up with my forearms, but still...Kurosaki was being mean. "Haah! K-Kurosaki, do-don't! I can't...I can't change this thing alrea-ah! S-stop! Ah-aaaah~!" 

I did a lot more to Kurosaki as pay-back. Imstead of using just my hands, my tongue and lios became a part of foreplay too. Everything I read was helpful in this as I was now hearing Kurosaki's sweet cried and moans of pleasure. I even used the lotion before...the main part. By then, Kurosaki and I were sweaty, panting messes. It wasn't over, though. "Kurosaki, will you be okay?" He forced a smile and nodded. "Yeah, I'll be fine. That lotion was really cold so I should be okay". "Omay, um, j-just in case...I want you to...turn around". "Huh...?" "I-I read that it's easier if...I do it from...behind". I whispered the last part nervously. It was supposed to be a lot less painful that way and would probably feel a lot better. Kurosaki shortly agreed. "Alright, then. I trust you, so...please be gentle". He meant it as a joke, so I chuckled quietly. But I took it seriosuly too. "I know". I whispered, touching our foreheads together carefully. "I'll be gentle for you, as gentle as can be". The tips of our noses met, and then our lips. All before we both got into position. I was really nervous, as Kurosaki was. We were both shaking, but that wouldn't stop us from continuing, from experiencing, from indulging in all of this. I took a deep breath, my chest and stomach leaning on Kurosaki's back without too much weight. I locked hands with him in reassurance and momentaraly prepared myself. I hoped that we were both prepared, taking things slowly and carefully before the fireworks would go off and the real pleasure would begin. 

I didn't know what time it was after I sort of blacked out, just for a second. Heavy, almost erratic, panting filled the silence. I had collapsed on top of Kurosaki when we finished. Sweat covered our bodies and our lungs were heavy. Kurosaki's breathes sounded quite desperate for air after all that. The after feeling was haunting him still, since it had only been a short time after we both reached our peak, our limit. I remembered my whole body shuddering before I collapsed, and a loud cry of ecstacy leaving me speechless. In fact, there were two desperate cries tonight. Kurosaki's sounded the most beautiful. I held his hands, kissing whatever was in my reach; his shoulder, his back and the nape of his neck. "Kurosaki...Kurosaki...". I was still muttering his name, with each kiss, still in amazment of those sensations and foreign feelings. "Mhn...Kizami...that was amazing. I feel so alive right now". "I feel the same, it's great. I'm so happy I made you feel good again. Are you in any pain?" "Nuh-uh. I feel fantastic". That made me even happier. I kissed Kurosaki's lips at an odd angle, but an angle goo enough to reach them. It was only a short kiss, nothing too deep that it would make us pass out from breathlessness. We relaxed for a short while. I was still on top of Kurosaki, but his body felt relaxed underneath. His arms folded so he hand a spot to rest his chin. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as if enjoying this very moment. I ran my fingers through his hair and hugged him with my other arm. This felt peaceful, despite the fading heat and the sticky feeling of our naked bodies. I was calmimg down, as was Kurosaki. For now, we would rest. I couldn't possibly get excited again. I would definitely pass out. So we shared this moment in the dark, our hand meeting and locking once more. I would end up falling asleep right on top of Kurosaki if I didn't move. I, however, was devoid of energy. I could apologise later, but it seemed Kurosaki had fallen asleep long before me. Oh, well. Nevermind. I slipped out of consciousness, the world around me turning dark. Just a little sleep, that's all I needed until my energy came back. That's what I thought as I drifted off, the warmth of Kurosaki's body still beneath me. 

My waking moment was when I realised that I needed a bath. My body was still sticky from earlier. Kurosaki was still under me, sleeping soundly. I felt like I had just served as a blanket for him. We had cooled down after our nap. I say nap because I didn't sleep for long. It was still dark outside. I rubbed my eyes, feeling a slight chill since I was still bare. Now was the time to change clothes and maybe take a bath, but not without Kurosaki's permission. I didn't want to wake him, though. I was torn between my need of a cool bath and Kurosaki's need for sleep. Haah, putting it that way makes it easier to choose. Kurosaki was always more important in my book. But it couldn't hurt to at least use a wash cloth. I got up from my lying position, right after spotting the marks I left on Kurosaki's shoulder. Perhaps I got a little aggressive. It was unclear since everything happened quite fast. I didn't waste time to think about it. I grabbed my bag and headed for the bathroom, asking for permission within a hushed thought. Even if Kurosaki didn't hear it, I still asked. It would be enough to at least clean up at the sink, which was greatly needed.

I didn't feel one hundred percent when I exited the bathroom, but I put on fresh clothes without them sticking to my body. My hair felt gross as well. Once Kurosaki woke up then I could ask permission for a bath or a shower, at least. It's rude not to ask, even if we are lovers, childhood friends and best friends. I sighed, checking my cell phone for the time. It was about two in the morning and I was up. I could have slept longer if not for the disgusting sensation of sweat on my skin. I sat down on the bedroom floor, checking if I had missed any messages or calls. Of course, none. I don't have many aquaintances, except for Fukuroi. He's my only contact that isn't Kurosaki. Two contacts since I got a new phone. Many would think that it's either sad, as in pathetic, or really lonely. But to me it's for the best. I don't like relying on people. "Mnng...". I heard a sweet groan next to me. Kurosaki was waking up. I smiled, staying where I was as he gained consciousness. "Mng...Kizami? Are you awake?" "Yeah. How did you sleep?" "Okay, I guess. I'm a lot more comfortable than last time. Did you shower?" "Eh, no. I wanted permission first so...". "That's alright. You don't need permission to bathe. If you wanna go, just go". "Are you sure?" "Of course". He said as he sat up on his knees. "You're my boyfriend, I really don't mind". Kurosaki smiled softly. This meant that I could take a bath now. "If you wanna go now, I'm coming with you. I feel really gross all over". I gave a brief nod before Kurosaki stood up. When he did, however, he trembled and became tense. "Kurosaki, what's wrong?" "I-it's nothing. I just hurt a little-but just a little bit. I still have to get used all of that". "You and me both, now let's get cleaned up together". Kurosaki followed me into his bathroom. Now we could both feel clean. That was a relief. 

Since we were both up, it was decided that it would stay that way. With a clean futon under us, we just sat and talked with tea and mochi ice-cream in front of us. It was always a joy having such simple moments with him. Our heated moment was over, but it wasn't time to say 'see you later' and kiss eachother goodbye. Although it wasn't ideal to stay up until sunshine came through, we enjoyed the time that lasted until we had to say farewell again. I didn't know when we would see eachother again. Class and work would pile up eventually, next to studying and more work. Thinking about it I realised how busy I was. I didn't want to be, but it couldn't be helped. Kurosaki was quite busy too with his own schedual. So I didn't know when we would even talk to eachother again. But I hoped that it would be soon, even if it was just a text or an e-mail. I know that we have to make an effort in seeing eachother. And we would. It was a promise that we didn't have to keep with words. It was just...It made sense. Even as I sat there, right beside Kurosaki with smiles and laughter, I wondered endlessly when I would see him again. I knew I would, just...when?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, let your imaginations go nuts...


	49. Freshmen Year - His Secret

Kurosaki's POV

A week passed since Kizami and I last saw eachother, which means we've only slept together twice since we reunited. Of course we didn't plan to do it all the time, just when the mood was right. The idea of doing stuff like that got better and better. I knew that we wouldn't be so nervous eventually and it would be a lot easier. Last time was great, even though we fell asleep with Kizami on top of me. It wouldn'tbe long until we saw eachother again, so I did some research of my own. It was a little embarrassing but I had to know as well. Kizami did say that he would be on bottom as well eventually. Thinking about it caused a chill to run up my spine. Me, on top? Could I do that? Kizami seemed confident that I could. When he was confident about something then it was certainly possible, that's what I believed. Okay, then. I would just have to be prepared and wait for the right moment.

On my way back from college, I decided to go into the bookstore. I was still into manga so I decided to check for new volumes that would have come out during the month. I was pretty busy so I didn't have time to check at an earlier date. Hopefully there would be more in stock. I browsed around, seeing thar a few other people, from students to working adults, were looking around the different aisles and categories of books. I took my time until I found the shelves of manga. There were many volumes of different manga lined up on every shelf. I knew where it was since I worked at this store. It was the closet bookstore to my apartment and they had a part-time job open. Since I worked there I got a pretty fair discount on books and manga, which was perfect for when I had to study. I found the new volume that I was looking for, opening up the first page to check out the contents before buying. When I did, I heard the obnoxious squeel of two girls behind me. I jolted slightly, immediatly turning my head towards them. They were looking at a different shelf containing magazines of all sorts. By their squeel it was probably from a woman's magazine or..."Woaaah...He's so hot~ ". "I know, right? It's just sad they labled him as anonymous, despite the description". I guessed wrong. Those girls were looking at a flashy fashion magazine for men. It didn't concern me either way so I went back to the manga in my hands. This months volume looked really interesting, so buying it was a big yes for me. The girl's fangirl moment continued. "I want to know who he is soo badly~". "Is that all?" "I-it's not like that! I just think he's really cute". "...And hot". "So do you!" I kinda wanted to leave when I could. I turned around and headed for the register at the other end of the store until I heard another person speak to the girls. What she said next...it stopped me in my tracks. "Hey, isn't that Yuuya Kizami?" "Huh?! You know him?!" "Not exactly, but he went to my high school. Not sure where he is now, probably at a really good university. He was smart enough to attend". "Wow, he's handsome and smart...Are you sure you don't know where he is?" "Positive. But he's certainly still in Japan if he's modeling for men's magazines".

Modeling...for men's...magazines? Kizami? MY Kizami?! I turned to the girls, the tallest out of the bunch noticing me. "Huh? Kurosaki-kun? Kensuke Kurosaki?" I didn't pay her any mind as I approuched them. The two other girls seemed quite startled by my sudden appearance. I looked over the shelf, spotting another issue of 'Men's Buckle', a popular men's fashion magazine. On the cover...It was most definitely Kizami, wearing flashy clothes that suited him so well with a serious expression on his face as he sat casually on an arm-chair. He was posing in his own, subtle, way for the camera. I was shocked, really. Was Kizami making a career out of this? Was this his 'job'? I gulped, picking up the magazine for a better look. It was most definitely him. My hands trembled, dropping the manga volume that I kept under my arm. This was the real thing, wasn't it? But why would he do that? It wasn't like Kizami at all to do something that would get him attention. I was confused and shocked, despite how sexy Kizami looked on the front cover. I had to ask about this. The curiousity would surely drive me nuts. There would have to be a good reason as to why Kizami would do a job like this. It isn't like him. As much as the clothes suited him, the job did not. I had to see him soon, and try to talk about this. It may not have been a big deal, but for Kizami to do something like modeling...It was most likely for...money, which worried me. It really worried me. I hoped that I was wrong to be worried. I really did, from the bottom of my heart.

I ended up purchasing both the manga and Men's Buckle. They usually use a description for their models within the pages, at least the one's on the front cover. It couldn't hurt to check it out. I headed back to my apartment, feeling more impatient to read the magazine more than the new issue of JUMP. I was worried that Kizami was doing that job for the wrong reasons. He said it himself that it didn't matter as long as it paid the bills. For Kizami to do something like that...He modeled for a men's magazine before, but that was because he won a bet against Shimada back in high school. I thought nothing of it since it was only a bet, as jealous as I was of other people getting to stare at him like that. He gained a lot more attention at school for about a month or so until things settled down again. Now, he's doing it for money. It couldn't be out of greed or attention. Kizami isn't like that at all-that was fact. So the only other thing I could think of was that...Kizami was struggling with money. Well, maybe not 'struggling' per se. He just needed to keep afloat with both bills and grocery shopping. I had part-time jobs and I managed fine with the pay I was receiving. Kizami said he had two jobs, including the modeling, so he should have been okay too. Gaah, I'm overthinking things again! There had to be another reason. I just couldn't figure it out. Nothing came to mind as my thoughts were racing enough already.

I reached my apartment building and headed up the stairs. When I was just taking out my key, I bumped into a familiar face. "Oh, Shinji-senpai. Are you going out?" "Nah, I just got home". Shinji Yoshida. My senior and guidance in college. He's smart, cool when you get to know him but totally cold towards everyone-even if you're close to him. I know that condradicts the 'cool' part in several ways, but he can be a nice guy if you don't ask 'tedious questions'. His hair is a golden brown that's quite short. He wears thin-rimmed glasses and has chesnut coloured eyes behind them. He's quite popular, which he doesn't seem to mind. He doesn't brag about it, he just accepts it. Kinda like Kizami in high school. Shinji-senpai looked down when the books in my hand caught his eye. "Did you go to the bookstore?" "Observant as ever, huh? Yeah, I just picked up some things. Manga, included". "Will you ever stop liking those?" "Not in a million years. Can I come in?" Senpai looked displeased. "I only just got home and you're asking for my hospitality? Haah, fine. Just don't make a mess, I cleaned up this morning". "Yeah, yeah. I know". Oh, and unlike Kizami, Senpai is a huge clean-freak. Kizami's neat, but Senpai is extremely neat. I've never seen his apartment a mess. Well, that's a responsibility of the people who rent the apartment, but you get what I mean. I was invited in, feeling kind of bad for invading Senpai's private time but he found a habit of guilt-tripping me. I don't think he meant it. He just doesn't know what to say, I suppose. That's what I assume, anyway.

While Senpai prepared some coffee, since he's not a fan of tea, I read through the men's magazine until I reafhed another photo of Kizami. The whole two pages was a black-and white cover with Kizami standing to the side wearing some more expensive-looking clothing. He looked so cool...I was curious about what they said about him so I read through the description next to the picture. 

"Voted by popular demand, this young, mature and elegant man became the front-page model for this month's Men's Buckle. His first appearance was during his years in high school, but only one copy issued his appearance, sadly. Now he has returned to give the magazine the biggest boost it's seen since his first appearance. With a beautiful, pale complexion and mature, piercing eyes, he represents the ideal university student in both appearance and radience. Although his name, as requested, remains anonymous his face and suited style shall be remembered through this generation of Men's Buckle". 

I was speechless. Last time Kizami modeled for them it apparently boosted sales by the thousands. Kizami is just that good--looking. So much so that it seems that they aren't using his pictures in their magazine for the clothes. I hated this. Unless I got a clear justification from Kizami, I hated what he was doing. It isn't my choice, it's his. And, knowing Kizami, I bet he doesn't like the job. There's no way. If he did then he wouldn't hide it from me. If he was truely happy then I would be happy for him. I'd want Kizami to do something he likes, and not something as exploiting as modeling. At least he kept the name anonymous. That sounds like him. Kizami would hate the attention, even if they just recognised his face. But it's a little frustrating that he didn't tell me anything, not a word. "I didn't know you read men's magazines". Surpirsing me, Senpai returned to the desk with a tray of coffee. "O-oh, I don't. It's just...there's been a lot of gossip about it, even from girls. Since it is a men's magazine I decided to see what all the fuss was about". "I see, but I don't think there's much to see. Just a bunch of pretty boys with the personalities of a wooden spoon". That wasn't true..."H-how do you know that?" "I met one, used to attend college when I was a freshmen. The idiot dropped out so he could model". "B-but that's just one...How do you know the rest are like that?" Senpai looked puzzled. I was feeling that way myself. "You're defending them?" No, just Kizami. He wouldn't do it out of a fantasy or dream job of his. He's majoring in business, after all. Why model for a living when you major in that? "Uh...". I hesitated, not wanting to mention Kizami as my boyfriend. That would be awkward since I haven't know Shinji-senpai for that long. "I-I just think you shouldn't judge people by their cover, or so to speak. I mean, how do you know that some of them aren't nice guys who are just trying to get by on finances?" I lied, but just a bit. I do believe you shouldn't judge people so sharply. It isn't fair. Senpai sipped his coffee and then sighed. "I guess you're right. But the guy I met turned into a real douche because of it". Kizami wasn't like that. Crap like that wouldn't go to his head. He's more focused on schoolwork and his real part-time job and...I like to think he focuses on me as well. We are lovers, after all. 

I drank up my coffee and chatted to Senpai about normal things. He can be a nice guy, I mean it. So I don't judge him either. I'm just not sure how he thinks of me. I'm his junior, sure, but...sometimes I feel like a bother. While I took my coffee mug to the sink, a vibration ran through the area of my pant's-pocket. My cellphone, in other words. "Oh, senpai, can I take this? I kinda have to leave anyway". "Go right ahead. I'll see you soon". "Yeah, of course. See ya". I left the apartment, manga and magazine in hand, as I took out my phone. I didn't check to caller ID since it became a bit of a rush to answer it. "H-hello...?" ["Hey, Kurosaki. It's me, Yuuya"]. "Oh, hey, Kizami. What's up?" For a brief moment of the call, after a week of not hearing Kizami's voice, I forgot about his secret. ["I just wanted to ask if you're free from tomorrow morning?"] I thought for a moment and realised that I had the day off from school. Someone had to cover my shift in work too, for their own personal reasons. So, yeah, I was free. "Yeah, I am. Why, wanna meet up tomorrow?" ["That was the idea. I missed you"]. I bit my bottom lip for a moment in an attempt to hide a smile, even if no one was around. "I missed you too". There was a pause until Kizami spoke up again. ["So, can we meet up?"] "Sure. I'll come down there if you want and you can meet me at the train station tomorrow morning". ["Is eleven good for you?"] "Uh-huh, eleven o'clock it is. I'll see you then". ["Right. See you then. I love you"]. "Love you too". We both hung up and I let out a huge sigh. It rushed back to me in an instant. I had to speak to Kizami about it. It's nothing to yell about, of course, I just want to know if he's doing his job it for good reasons. Or better reasons than what I was thinking. I could meet him in the morning, hang out all day, go to different places and finally head back to his apartment. I just didn't know when to ask. What would the right mood be to ask about his work, and in a way that doesn't spoil the rest of the day? I wasn't sure. This was one of those 'wait and see' times. I was about ready to slump down onto the floor. Instead, I headed for my apartment and took out my key. Looks like I was packing a small bag for the following day. 

It was warm that morning, when I went to go see Kizami at his local train station. We would be spending the whole day together, which was incredibly exciting for me-and for Kizami as well, I assumed. We had never spent a whole day together since starting college. The last two times were in the evening because of our scheduales. I was anticipating for all of the stuff we could do. We could go shopping, have lunch, get a snack, maybe see a movie, take a long walk, get dinner and hang out at his apartment. I didn't want to think about Kizami's part-time work at the moment, otherwise it would ruin my good mood. So I ripped it straight from my thoughts and put a pin in it until I could find a suitable moment to at least talk about it. I wasn't sure how to talk to him aboit it either, so I just didn't think about it. I chose to keep it to myself until I could pass it off as ordinary conversation or something, then Kizami could tell me himself.

I checked my cellphone for the time, only to hear the sound of approuching footsteps. I raised my head towards it, knowing that Kizami would be right on time. And he was. "Good morning, Kurosaki". He greeted, a smile on his lips as he came over. "Kizami...H-hey". I sounded nervous. Shit, already? Kizami hugged me, and I didn't hesitate to do the same back. He was as broad and warm as ever. "How are you? Sleep well last night?" He asked as he pulled away from the hug. I nodded. "Yeah, I guess. Uh, how about you?" "I slept really well despite anticipating today so much". "I know what you mean. I was pretty excited too". I was definitely nervous, but Kizami didn't seem to notice. "Well, uh, let's get going then". I suggested, locking our hands together. "What should we do first?" I asked. "I don't really know the place so you'll have to show me around". "I will. This is a nice place. There are plenty of places to visit, but I'm still getting used to things". We were apart for a month and Kizami was still adjusting to everything. "How about Fukuroi?" "He's getting used to things with me. I've never talked to him much until we moved. I'm glad I can see him more. We actually live in the same apartment building so we end up walking to university together sometimes". That was good. I was happy that they became closer. They didn't talk much during high school but they got along. I guess now they were good friends. That's what I guessed anyway. "Even so...". Kizami continued. "You're still my best friend, Kurosaki". "Well, you know what they say. Your boyfriend or girlfriend is also your best friend". A best friend that you cuddle, kiss, go on dates with, have sex with, etc. It was kind funny to talk about it so casually. "So, where would you like to go? We can go anywhere around this area before lunch". "I was thinking that, maybe, we could go shopping first". "Alright. I know a shopping district. We can go there first". 

Our day was quite busy, but relaxing. Although I did feel that there was so much to do in so little time, I sort of lay back and enjoyed it all. Kizami showed me several cool stores that sold clothing to entertainment. We didn't buy a lot, priorities with spending money and all. We weren't planning on spoiling ourselves, just mostly browsing and buying the odd piece of clothing or key chain for our cell phones. I made a joke that we should get matching ones. I actually never expected Kizami to...agree. "Let's do it". "Huh...?" "Let's get matching key chains. Don't you want to, or were you messing with me?" Kizami said that with a devilish smirk. He was causing my own joke to back-fire. "U-uh...O-okay. Wh-what kind do you wanna get?" We looked around the current store we were in, which sold different trinkets and pieces of jewellery. Jewellery that wasn't very expensive, I should say. Kizami was just messing with me now. Did he really want matching key chains? That seemed kinda..."Oh, these ones are nice". Kizami pointed to a pair of key chains designed specifically for couples. It was two stars, gold and silver with emoticon smiles. I blushed, feeling self-conscious. Kizami looked at me and chuckled. "Sorry, Kurosaki. I made you feel awkward, didn't I? We don't have to get them. I was only-". "N-no...". I interupted, surprising Kizami. "Let's get them. I want to get one with you. It'll be like a bond between us when we're apart". That soumded really cheesy and lame, I know. It just slipped out. "You don't have to feel so attatched to me, but okay. We'll get them". I wasn't surprised that the lady behind to counter gave us a weird look as we bought our trinkets. I did feel awkward, and this seemed more and more like a joke as the lady looked as awkward as I did moments ago. Once we left the store, we attatched our new trinkets to our cell phones. Kizami got silver while I got gold. It kind of works since Kizami prefere's silver. He says that gold is too flashy for him. "I'm happy we got them". Kizami muttered, holding his cell phone close to his chest. Now who was being cheesy? Oh, well. This was nice anyway. "Me too". I mumbled, my blush refusing to disappear. 

The day went on and on as we didn't keep track of the time. We had lunch, visited more cool places and then, finally, after all that we went to a convenience store to pick up dinner since Kizami already went grocery shopping but had no time to cook. The lights inside the small store were bright compared to the dimming darkness of the outside. "Hey, I'm sorry about this. Today was supposed to be special". "Don't worry. It is special, since it's just us". Kizami smiled, although not looking at me as he was busy picking out bento boxes. We even picked up a little dessert for ourselves. It was afterwards that we headed over to Kizami's apartment. All of this, the whole day, made me forget about Kizami's modelling. I still would want him to talk to me about it and tell me everything. But right now I couldn't find a good time. I just couldn't. 

Sitting on the floor of the apartment, we enjoyed our cheap bento box with fatty tuna sushi and rice balls with a very little amount of salt. It wasn't exactly the best japanese cuisine, but it was still pretty good. I sucked the cranberry juice from the carton in my hand, staring at Kizami without realising. His clothes...When he took off his coat I immediately noticed his clothes. They looked good on him. A v-neck t-shirt that was a darkened beige and black pants with a silver chain attatched to the pocket. He even had a nice watch. I hated the thought I had in my head but...I couldn't help but wonder if he got his clothes from modelling. He sat on the floor comfortably, his eyes affixed to the floor as if he was daydreaming. The straw of his juice carton remained between his lips. That shirt really brought out his slender but well-built figure. I gulped, accidentally choking on my juice. I coughed, snapping Kizami out of his daydream. "Hey, Kurosaki. Are you okay?" He quickly came over to me and patted my back. "Take your time". He said, his voice sending a chill through my spine as his lips were quite close to my ear. My eyes watered from the slight pain in my throat and chest, but I eventually calmed down. "Are you okay now?" Kizami asked once more. I turned my head towards him, flinching a little as I saw how close we were. Still, I put on a smile and gave a nod. "I'm fine. Thanks". "Your cheeks are a little red and your voice is off. Are you sure you're alright?" "Yeah, I'm sure". I took a few sips from my juice carton, the pain in my throat easing gradually. Kizami sat back until he lay on the floor. He was quiet for a moment before speaking up. "Hey, Kurosaki?" I looked down at him, affectionately running my fingers through his hair. "What is it?" "Theres, uh, something I've been meaning to tell you for a while. I feel bad for not saying anything earlier, but I chose to say it now". At first I felt umaware, but caught on in a few seconds after debating whether he would mention his job or not. I just stayed quiet and listened. 

Kizami stopped looking at me, just for a moment. When he looked back up to my face he looked fairly serious. "I...I never told you what my job was. Well, one of them. Over the past month I've been...modelling for a mens' magazine. I-I know, it's not like me but I have my reasons". I was glad he finally told me, but I didn't act surprised since I already knew. I felt I had to ask the big question. "Was it about money?" "Yes, it was. But you should know that I wasn't struggling and I'm still not struggling with money". I was puzzled, my eyebrow arching. "Then why take the job?" "I didn't sign up for it myself. I bumped into the photographer, he recognised me from high school and offered to bring me back for a job. You remember that time, right? When I won the bet against Shimada and got to pose for the front cover of Men's Buckle?" I nodded. "Yeah, I remember. You were a really big hit. Your reputation at school went through the roof". "Yeah, well...I didn't care about any of that. Back then I won a bet and accepted the terms. I also enjoyed pissing Shimada off". I giggled. It was entertaining. "It's the sort of similar now. I'm not doing for attention or anything trivial like that. They pay well, more than I got in high school. I thought that I could put it to good use-not just to pay the bills. I wanted to spend it on...you, too". Now I was surprised, aware that my expression changed in the blink of an eye. 

Kizami rubbed the nape of his neck as he spoke. "I've been thinking a lot about it. The job, the money, us. I want us to spend time together as much as we can during university, and although that may be difficult I want us to make good memories and have fun together. I need money for that, and for something else that has been on my mind-but we shouldn't discuss that yet". I rolled my eyes. Of course not. Oh, well. "So, it's not that I like my work-or even dislike it. As long as I can make good use of it then I think we can both be happy". Kizami was just thinking about me and our relationship. He would use the money he earned, not only pay rent or tuition but, to go to different places with me and treat us to good meals and everything alike. I was happy, but still..."Kizami, I appreciate that so much but...". "Hm? What is it? Do you not like me working as a model?" "It isn't that. I just feel that you should do something you enjoy, even if it's only part-time work. I enjoy my part-time job, so why shouldn't you?" Kizami smirked and then started chuckling. "Wh-what's so funny? I'm serious". "I-I know. I know you are. It's just...you're too sweet for me. Cute, too". "Ehh? Don't fool around, I mean this-all of it". "Right, sorry. You really are cute when you're considerate of me. I'll be fine. I promise. And I'll be sure to quite when I graduate, get a real job. But for now I have to stick with this. I make good money and it saves me from buying clothes. Clothes shopping is a pain in the ass when I'm not with you". "I liked your normal clothes". I sulked slightly. "Oh, you don't like these?" I looked to Kizami and his clothing. I shrugged. "Meh...". I pretended not to care even though they looked really good on him. "Really? Okay, then". "Wha-wha-?!" I was suddenly in shock as Kizami removed his shirt and tossed it aside. His torso was fully exposed to me, a silver necklace hanging around his neck. "How about this necklace?" He presented it to me inbetween his fingers. That suited him too. "It looks...nice on you". Kizami was smirking, probably noticing how red my cheeks were. Don't just take off your shirt without a warning, idiot. "How about these pants?" Kizami looked about ready to take them off. "Are you seducing me?" "Who knows? Depends how you feel about seeing me strip". "Okay, then. I don't like the pants". I lied with my own smirk across my lips. The clinking of the belt rang in my ears as Kizami removed it, sliding down his loose pants. "How about these?" He muttered in question, showing me his black boxer briefs. "These were just as expensive as the other clothes, since they're silky soft. Feel". "Wait, Kizami!" 

Kizami grabbed my hands, bringing them to his rear. My face was practically on fire by then. All the blood seemed to rush to my face as I felt Kizami behind. I couldn't tell which was softer. The fabric of his boxer briefs or his butt itself. "Feel good?" He asked, our noses nearly touching at the tips since we were so close. "Uuh...Um, why your butt of all places?" "I knew you would be embarrassed. So, does it feel nice?" I didn't loom at Kizami's face as I really was too embarrassed, but I couldn't deny how soft it was. "Yeah, it's really soft". I pressed my hands against Kizami's behind, feeling the resistance and hearing a small gasp from Kizami. "S-sorry, that took me by surprise". I finally looked up to Kizami, seeing that he was blushing too. This was something special, seeing Kizami like this. It was special because everyone who saw Kizami in his pictures of the magazines, or whatever, could never see him like this. His bashful and gentle side was something only I could see. That's what made it special. "Kizami...". He was so cute and sexy at the same time. I leaned up and slicked my tongue up his lips, asking for a kiss. Kizami obliged, pressing our lips together. I felt kinda bad since Kizami was the only one undressed. After pulling away from the kiss, I pulled off my shirt and threw it aside. Kizami then took my hand before we could get into another kiss. "Let's get under the kotatsu. It should be warmer". "Wa-wait, shouldn't we go into the bedroom?" "Well, we could, but I can't hold back right now. I somehow want to be under the warmth of the kotatsu...and under you". Such an embarrassing line. If my face became any hotter I would definitely faint. "K-Kizami, are you sure?" He just smiled bashfully and nodded, his cheeks red. "I'm sure. I want to know what it's like. Would you like to be on top?" I thought for a brief moment, nodding shortly after. To top Kizami...I was so excited and curious that I lost my patience too. Damn it...Kizami led us under the huge blanket on top of the table. It was toasty inside, but it would soon get a lot toastier. 

I was doing it. I was on top of Kizami, dominating the kisses and making him feel good. We both felt good during preparation. Kizami's voice escaped a lot. So much so that he tried to hold it back out of embarrassment. I just reassured him that I was the only one there and that no one else could hear him. "It's okay. I...really want to hear your voice, Kizami". Kizami smiled at that. "Sorry. I can't help it. I never knew that it could sound so weird". "It's not weird". I said, locking hands with him. "I think you're very cute when you let your voice out". "Well, then, I feel the same about you". Kizami thought my voice during sex was cute. He said it himself once before. He just left out the part that said my voice was both cute and erotic. I knew it was. For Kizami too, honestly. "Okay, are we ready?" I asked. Kizami nodded, his hand shaking in mine. I was shaking too, from head to toe. But we would have to get passed that. "I'm ready". He whispered, clutching my hand. It was only then that I started to feel the same pain and pleasure as Kizami did three times before. He was feeling it too, all of it. But we reassured eachother by simply locking hands and fingers. Although we were shivering from the nervousness and mixed senations, weren't going to stop because we both knew how good it would feel minutes later. We had trust, too. And it did feel good eventually, very good. So good that I couldn't hold back my voice either. Kizami's ankles were resting on top of the table, causing it to shake and creak above us. If he wasn't careful it could break. But he didn't care as he gripped the seat cushion under his head tightly and squeezed his eyes shut as he took in every feeling. I was the same. I was holding on tightly to Kizami, digging my nails into his skin. All until our peak was reached and the air around us cooled down. I ended up collapsing on top of an equally tired Kizami, panting and sweating. Kizami shivered under me, but held onto me as he whispered my name. "Kurosaki...Kurosaki...". With each uneven breath, I heard his sweet voice. It was calming, even though my heart was racing. The floor beneath hurt our backs as I lay on mine, but pleasure covered everywhere else. This after feeling was just as good as when I was on bottom. Still, with both I felt dazed and hot. It was only a matter of time before I drifted into dreamland and awaited for morning. Or so I thought. 

I never fully noticed how big Kizami's arm muscles were. I knew he had a strong build, I just never got a good look .We were both awake still, and ended up having a conversation until I fell silent. I found myself staring at Kizami's arms and even feeling them gently with my fingers. He lay on his side, observing ss I did this. "What are you doing?" He asked curiously, but not out of disturbance. "Have your arms always been this big?" "Yeah, I suppose. I've been going to the gym since I was fifteen so it's only natural that my muscles get bigger. Do you like them?" "Uh-huh. I like you as you are, inside and out. Those fancy clothes, although they suit you in appearance, they don't actually suit you. Does that make any sense?" "Not really, bit I think I get you're point". Kizami kissed my forehead and sat up with a groan. "You okay?" I asked, honestly concerned. "Yeah. I was just going to prepare futons for us, since the table isn't totally ideal. I forgot that what we just did was my first time so my hips hurt". "Then I'll get it. You stay put until I come back". "Are you sure?" I nodded, giving Kizami a smile and a kiss. "Stay put". I repeated before standing up. Kizami did as I requested, lying on his stomach as he watched me dig through my bag for clean boxers before putting them on. I went ahead to the bedroom to prepare futons. While I did I thought about what Kizami was saying. I knew his new job wouldn't get to his head, I believed in him. But what helped all of that was the fact that I could see Kizami as he truely was. Unless the magazine did nudes, which I doubted, no one else could see Kizami-all of Kizami. I was the only one right now, and hopefully forever. Not only that but I saw how kind and gentle he was. No one else would see that when they looked to the front cover of Men's Buckle, which I was happy about. I wouldn't appreciate people quickly judging him, like Senpai would, but as long as I didn't hear it then there would only be silence. I felt special, somehow. Although this wasn't the first time I knew more than everyone else. I am Kizami's best friend after all, besides his boyfriend. I know his likes, his dislikes, how he acts in front of other people and when we're alone, his past and the present him. But the future is still to be determind, as well as Kizami's job. He said he would quit after graduation, which seemed like something he would do since it wouldn't be needed anymore. Kizami would get a great job with his qualifications and intelligence. That's what I looked forward to, seeing him get a career he enjoys. If it made him happy...then I was happy. That's all there is to it...


	50. Freshmen Year - His New Friend

Kizami's POV

The days seemed more organised not that me and Kurosaki knew eachother's scheduales. It was easier to sort out days that involved seeing eachother. We were almost back to normality in our relationship, we just couldn't see eachother every single day. But once summer vacation would come around we would have a lot more time to spend together. All we could do for the moment was travel back and forth on the right days and do what we can for a date before heading back to the other's apartment for the night. We spent some time getting used to the surroundings of our living spaces and finding eachother's apartment. We also had sex a few times, it seemed like a good way to end our date before saying goodbye in the morning. But, realistically, it was tiring. Of course, I loved being with Kurosaki and I was always excited to see him. But keeping up with school, my jobs and seeing Kurosaki was exhausting. I even told Kurosaki the truth about it over the phone. I had just finished writing up an assignment, so I was tired and hadn't even ate dinner yet. That meant I was having convenience store food again. Kurosaki sounded worried when I mentioned it. 

["Kizami, that's no good. I'm disappointed, honestly. You used to lecture me about healthy eating and everything"]. I smirked, turning on my side as I lay on my futon. "I know, I know. But it's getting hard, Kurosaki. There's so much I have to keep up with and there's a lot I can't do while I'm busy. I haven't been to the gym in a while, I can rarely cook for myself and both jobs ask a lot of me. Isn't it the same for you?" ["Well, yeah. I can't exactly cook or have a social life outside of our relationship since I'm so busy, but..."]. Kurosaki paused. ["We both have to try our hardest"]. He finished. "Meaning...?" I pondered. Kurosaki hesitared again before I heard a sigh. ["Maybe we should take a break from eachother-just until summer vacation"]. I didn't like the sound of that, not at all. I couldn't possibly take it into consideration. "Kurosaki...we can't just do that, can we? I mean, summer vacation is three months away. I can't wait that long". ["...Me neither"]. He admitted. ["Maybe three months is too much. But it couldn't hurt to take a break and cool our heads"]. "Kurosaki, I do that every day that I'm not with you. I cool my head and I concentrate on work and studying, but I still can't take care of myself properly. It's really hard-and I know it is for you too". Silence. "I'm sorry. That sounded harsh". ["No, it's okay. You're right. Then, what can we do?"] I turned on my back again, holding the key chain that we bought together in my fingers. I didn't want to lose Kurosaki, not after I just got him back. So there was only one thing we could do. "We'll have to be content with the way things are". I answered as best as I could, knowing that there was nothing we could do. However..."Kurosaki, when summer vacation comes we'll see eachother more often. I promise. We can go to the beach, eat ice-cream, rent a car and drive somewhere secluded and peaceful". I smiled, continuing. "We'll get yukatas together and go to the summer festival in Osaka. That way it will feel more like home". Kurosaki didn't say a word the whole time I created this image of our summer vacation. It was helping. "We'll do all sorts at the festival, and then watch the fireworks together. Sound good?" I could sense a speechless nod on the other end of the line. ["Yeah. We'll do all of that. I've always wanted to see you in a yukata anyway"]. I chuckled. I never wore a yukata to summer festivals. I felt more comfortable in my own clothes rather then something so loose. But this year and the years to follow would be different. I wanted to wear a yukata for Kurosaki. He always looked good in his, after all. 

["Hey, Kizami, I've gotta go. I'm tired, but we'll talk more about summer vacation when we can"]. "Okay, deal. I guess I'll talk to you soon". ["Yeah. See you later"]. "Bye...". We both hung up and I relaxed. Still holding my keychain, I attatched it onto my cellphone once more and stared at it as it swung back and forth from the connected thread. I was tired myself, wanting to sleep and move on to the following morning. I had school then, so I could distract myself with work instead of concern for my relationship with Kurosaki. I sighed deeply, closing my phone and setting it down on the floor next to me. It was dark in my room, only the small light from my digital alarm clock was visible in the darkened room. I turned on my side again to get comfortable before forcing myself to drift off. I shut my eyes, and listened to the silence around me. I felt the warmth of my bedding, but also the emptiness next to me, as I eventually drifted off and prepared for the next day. 

I walked to university with Fukuroi, like I always did. I entered university, I attended my classes, took a study period, had lunch with Fukuroi in the cafeteria, attended my final classes and exited university with Fukuroi. It was the usual day without going to work. I didn't have a shift at my normal job and the studio wasn't expecting me until tomorrow. So I had some time to kill. At least, that's what I thought. Students were leaving campus in groups or by themselves and so on. But among them, at the main gates, something-or someone to be exact, caught my eye. I stopped walkimg for a moment upon spotting the figure in the distance, the one that leaned against the wall in waiting. "Kizami, what's up?" Fukuroi didn't catch on right away until he looked in the same direction and adjusted his glasses. "Who...Is that...Kensuke?". I didn't answer that. "Fukuroi, do you want to go on ahead once you've said hi? I t's been a while, hasn't it?" Fukuroi looked to the figure again and then back to me, giving a brief nod. "Sure. If it really is Kurosaki, I would like to see how he is". "That's fine. Let's go, then". I walked ahead, Fukuroi following behind as we both approuched the figure of Kurosaki. When he looked up, Kurosaki stood from the wall and gave a small wave to me. I was a little bashful but I stopped and waved back. Kurosaki then approuched, a smile on his face. "Hey, Kizami". He greeted. "Kurosaki, why are you here? Didn't you have work after class?" "The lecturer got sick so I decided to take an earlier shift at work. Just for today, though". "Hi, Kensuke. It's been a while". Fukuroi then greeted Kurosaki. "Hey, Fukuroi. Wow, I haven't seen you in...so long". "Too long". This was kind of avoiding the conversation I was having with Kurosaki, but it was nice to see them talking again after all this time. "Kizami tells me you're majoring in chemistry". "I am. It's going very well. Before I know it I'll have my dream job". "I know you will". They were always close friends. The two of them got along so well, although Kurosaki always said that I was his best friend.

"Anyway, I should get going. But maybe we can catch up another time, Kensuke". "Definitely. I'll see you around, buddy". Fukuroi waved us off and disappeared beind the walls that went around the front entrance. Kurosaki and I were left alone. "You know, the first thought that came into me head when I found about my lecturer was...'I can see Kizami now'. Honestly". "Kurosaki, you didn't have to. I don't want you forcing yourself to come here right after an early shift". "Don't worry about it. It was stupid of me to suggest that we take a break. It's like you said, we take breaks almost every day. I don't want that either, Kizami". "...". "Come on, no need to be shy. That sounded lame, I know, but you know what I mean, right?". "Yeah, you're right". Kurosaki looked tempted to hug me or hold hands. He was practically reaching for it. "So, wanna go?" "Sure. Oh, but I don't have any groceries". "And...?" "I wanted to actually cook something since I have free time now". "Were you planning to go today?" "Tomorrow, actually, since I still had some instant noodles at home". "Well, we can go get stuff now". "Really? I don't want it to waste our time together". "Oh, hush. I wanna go with you. We used to when we were living together at my parents place. Come on". I followed Kurosaki out of the main gates. He could be as persistant as me sometimes, but in a different way. I could be stubborn, but Kurosaki was simply persistant. Some things never change, between both Kurosaki and myself. 

We picked up groceries, although it was all for my apartment. I felt bad, but at least now I could make something proper for dinner. "So, what do you feel like having?" I asked as we entered the apartment building. "Anything, cause I know you'll put a lot of love into it if it's for us both". I rolled my eyes, trying to hide a smile. Kurosaki just wiggled his eyebrows at me, making me chuckled. I lightly nudged him with my elbow, as my hands were currently full. "Stop it, you...". Kurosaki laughed, nudging me back. It was then that I took out my apartment key and unlocked the door for us to head inside. The bags were set down and we both took off our outdoor wear. "I'll get dinner started. Why don't you just relax?" "No, I'll help. That way it'll get done a lot faster, and more love~ will be put into it". "Want me to nudge you again?" Kurosaki just snickered, going on ahead into the kitchen area. I unloaded the bags and placed each item in a cluster along the few counters I had. It proved how empty my fridge and cuboards became over the course of two weeks, since I live alone I don't use up a lot of stuff unless it's for cleaning. "How about we make...ramen?" "I had that last night, sorry". "I see. How about...fried rice?" "Sounds good. I'll start cooking. Uh, should you put away everything since I don't know where everything goes?" "Yeah, I was thinking of doing so, although I'm the one who's supposed to be cooking". I furrowed my eyebrows. "Don't worry about it. How about...we split it? I can put away stuff in the fridge, you put stuff away into cuboards, and then I cut up vegetables while you handle the meat and wok". "Alright, that's fair. It sounds like I'm doing the actual cooking, anyway, so okay". Most of the groceries were put into place, aside from the stuff that we needed for cooking. I was thankful because, with Kurosaki, it was done a lot quicker. I did feel a little bad, though, since he was a guest. 

Kurosaki was always in a good mood. I can't remember the last time he was in a bad one. As we had dinner, he talked a lot about his work and college with a bright smile. I talked about the same things as Kurosaki asked curiously about them. "Have you made any new friends, except for Fukuroi?" "Heh, that makes me sound like I'm in elementary school". "Haha, I know, sorry-but you know what I mean. Do you speak to anyone else?" "Not really. Fukuroi made some aquaintances in class and I speak to them sometimes, but I don't consider them as friends". "I see...". "How about you? I'm sure you have a lot of friends already". "Yeah, kind of. I met a lot of cool people, but there's only one guy I hang out with most of the time". "Oh? Really?" "Uh, yeah. His name is Shinji Yoshida. He's an upperclassmen and is a pretty cool guy once you get to know him". "Anything else?" I asked curiously. Kurosaki thought for a moment, taking a spoonful of rice into his mouth, and then swallowing quickly as something came to mind. "Oh, he's my neighbour at the apartment building where I stay. That's how we met. You know, the first thing he said to me was "enjoy the cramped apartment, kid. It doesn't get any better than that". He's pretty weird and a little difficult, socially, but overall he's a good guy". That sounded familiar. It sounded like something Kurosaki would say about me, before we started dating. "Maybe you could meet him one day". "That would be...interesting. Who knows, we could end up getting along really well". Somehow, I doubted it myself. I wasn't entirely sure why, though. 

"Thanks for the food". Kurosaki said, immediatly bringing me out of my train of thought. "Huh? You're finished already?" "Yep. I'll start washing the dishes". "Oh, no you don't". As Kurosaki was sitting himself up in a kneeling position, he paused at my argument. "You're a guest here, I wouldn't have you cleaning up. I'm almost finished anyway, so stay put". Kurosaki just offered a smile and stood up with his dishes. "Don't worry about it. I like washing up, anyway". Kurosaki approuched and kissed my cheek before heading to the kitchen. I didn't put up much of a fight, and irritated me. With a tired sigh, I finished off my dinner and stood up with my plates. I set them down on the counter as Kurosaki had begun to fill the basin with hot water. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my lips into the nape of his neck. He flinched and fidgeted. "H-hey, you! Cut it out". I chuckled, watching as Kurosaki quickly covered the nape of his neck with his hand. "You don't like it when I do that". I held his shoulder, and kissed the back of his head. "It's not that I don't like it, just...save it for the bedroom". Kurosaki's face became red as he muttered those words. I paused for a moment before a smirk crept onto my lips and I kissed the back of Kurosaki's head again, running my fingers through his as it rested next to the sink. "What, are you gonna help me wash?" Kurosaki asked sarcastically. "No. That's incredibely inefficient. I'll wash up, and you dry. Deal?" Kurosaki sighed and then turned around to pat my arm, our hands unlocking. "Fine, you win. I'll get drying duty". Kurosaki kissed my cheek again before picking up a dishtowel from the drawer. Even if I got the worst job, I still wouldn't have Kurosaki do it. What kind of boyfriend would I be? 

Cleaning was finished, drying was finshed, all dishes were put away and we could finally relax. There was no plan for us to have sex or have Kurosaki stay overnight because; (a)He didn't have a bag and; (b)We both had morning classes the following day. So, tired and fully relaxed, we cuddled under the kotatsu since there was no couch. I placed bedding underneath so that we weren't lying on cold, hard flooring. It was toasy and cozy and comfortable. My arms remained wrapped around Kurosaki as he lay on top of me. His eyes were closed as he daydreamed. He wasn't sleeping. I would have known. I found myself staring at the ceiling. In a slow rhythm, Kurosaki's chest and stomach pressed into mine as he breathed in and out. I couldn't complain about it, I was just concerned in case my muscles were too hard for him. Although, he wasn't honestly complaining either. I looked down at him, which seemed to catch his attention, despite the fact that he had his eyes closed. He opened them and I smiled, tilting my head slightly. "Were you nearly sleeping?" I asked in a hushed tone, petting Kurosaki's back. He curled up to it, letting out a relaxed sigh, like a cat. He nodded. "Yeah, but...I can't". "Why not? Is it uncomfortable for you?" He shook his head as best he could. "Nah. It's warm and...big, but I can't sleep on top of you. I would feel bad". "Don't. But if you think you would then you could move over and just rest your head on my chest". "But I'm so comfty here, I just won't sleep. I have to get the train eventually, anyway. I wouldn't want to miss it". It saddened me to hear those words, but I couldn't be selfish. I understood that Kurosaki needed to attend his classes tomorrow, just like me. I looked to the clock hanging on the wall. "You still have another two hours until you get the train, the one you planned on getting anyway". I looked back to Kurosaki and hugged him. "Kizami...". "Hm...?" "Wanna come see me tomorrow? After school, I mean. Or are you busy?" "Depends. I don't want to get your hopes up if I have work. If nothing comes us, I'll call you and we can meet at the station. Sound good?" A smile drifted on Kurosaki's face. "Okay, I'll try not to get my hopes up, though". I petted Kurosaki's hair softly. He settled again, his head heavy on my chest. "I thought you weren't going to sleep". "I won't. I'm just resting my eyes". I would kiss if I could reach, but I settled down too, my gaze staring up at the blank ceiling. It was only a few hours late that we would get up and I would walk Kurosaki to the station. Until then, I wanted to rest my eyes too and embrace Kurosaki as if I was a blanket for him. I didn't mind, just as long as it was him, I felt comfortable. 

My classes the next day went on and I called the studio to check if they wanted me to come in for a shoot. Luckily it wasn't for another week, so I could go see Kurosaki that evening. I called him immediatly. "Hey, Kurosaki". ["Hey, Kizami. Are you free right now?"] "Yeah, I was just heading to the station". ["Great, I'm glad. That's two nights in a row that we get to see eachother"]. "I know...". Was all I could say in response. Two nights in a row..."I'll be there soon. Are you heading to your station now?" ["Uh-huh. I'll be waiting. See you then"]. We both hung up and I wasted no time in getting over to the train station. Our second night in a row. This was a first, and certainly would be a rarity. I don't think we would get this opportunity for a long time. So we might as well make it count, even if we couldn't go anywhere but Kurosaki's apartment. 

We met up at the station, which we were getting used to. I had gotten used to seeing this particular station in Osaka since I had seen it several times already. I would eventually get used to the layout from the station to Kurosaki's apartment, and everything else around them. I had mostly been in these parts during the evening, but that would surely change during summer break. Our walk led straight to Kurosaki's apartment building, and as we drew closer I felt myself grow a little impatient. That is until we reached the hallway of his floor. "Oh, Senpai, you're here". Senpai? There was a man about our age standing in front of one of the apartments. He was unlocking the door until he heard Kurosaki's voice call out to him. "Oh, Kurosaki. Good evening. Did you finish your assignment?" "Oh, yeah, of course. I always hand it in on time". "Good to hear. Who's this?" He asked blankly, almost like I would. "Oh, right. Sorry, Kizami. Uh, Senpai, this is Yuuya Kizami. Kizami, this is Shinji Yoshida. I told you about him, remember?" "Yes. It's a pleasure to meet you". As if. "I should say the same to you. So, are you Kurosaki's modeling friend?" "...?!" Did Kurosaki tell him?! "What? Senpai, I didn't say anything about that". "I know, I guessed because he has the face for it. Never thought you would have a friend like that". I clenched my fist, but remained composed altogether. "Well, obviously you don't know Kurosaki that well. I've been his friend since childhood, and maybe you shouldn't open your mouth before you have the facts. You know nothing about me, let's just leave it at that". Kurosaki's "friend" furrowed his eyebrows with nothing more to say about my harsh comment. Kurosaki could clearly see the tension, and spoke up. "Uh...uuh...A-anyway, let's go inside, Kizami. I'll talk to you later, Senpai". "Of course. See you soon". Kurosaki let us into the apartment, and I shot a glare at Yoshida before entering. He shot one right back. What a shit-head. I already hated his attitude.

Kurosaki shut the door and things were silent for a moment, at least after we took off our shoes. Kurosaki looked like he was feeling awkward after all that. He looked up at me eventually, and put on a smile. "K-Kizami, he really can be a good guy. He's just not good with meeting people for the first time. A-and I know he shouldn't have been so judgemental of uou straight away. I'll talk to him about it tomorrow". Kurosaki was trying to keep things fair. How very like him. I sighed and hugged Kurosaki there on the spot. "Uh, Kizami?" "Sorry. That guy frustrates me. I'm glad you were there, otherwise I would have hit him". "Kizami, that isn't like you at all". "I know. I just hate that you met such an asshole". I could sense Kurosaki rolling his eyes. "Don't be like that. You only just met. I'm sure if you got to know eachother then...uh...". Kurosaki stopped himself from finishing, probably considering the idea that we wouldn't get along after all. "I'm sorry, Kizami. I won't force you to get along with him". I sighed deeply, my lips pressing into Kurosaki's forehead for a moment. "I know, but I won't stop you from getting along with him. He's your friend, right?" I pulled away slightly and brushed my hand to Kurosaki's cheek. "Well, yeah". "Then I won't stop you from being his friend. You just stop me from punchimg him". "No violence". Kurosaki commanded with a stern look. I gave into it. "Fine...". I kissed Kurosaki again, this time on the lips. We stared at eachother for a moment and I lost patience. "Now...let's go have sex". I took Kurosaki's hand and began to lead him to the bedroom so suddenly that it really shocked him. "Huh, so soon?!" "Yes, so soon. I have to distract myself from that jerk. You can even top if you want". "Th-that's not the problem! W-wah!" I picked Kurosaki up, carrying him in my arms like a bride. "If I'm topping, why are you carrying me?!" "Because you can't carry me". "Well,yeah, but we don't have to do this now-and I can walk myself. K-Kizamiii~". Kurosaki protested, and I chuckled. I was already distracted by Kurosaki's flustered face. I really hoped to forfet about that jerk Yoshida. I didn't understand why he frustrated me so much. He was just as much of a pain as Shimada was in high school, probably because of his big mouth. It really pissed me off. "H-hey, Kizami?! Aren't you being a little rough already? Hey! Heeeey!" I listened to Kurosaki's voice but not his words as my blood boiled. Only when I let Kurosaki take over did my mind and body relax. If Kurosaki was here, I couldn't think about anything else. That and Kurosaki would keep me from hitting the guy next door. I hoped that I wouldn't see him again. Unfortunately, it could never be that simple. He was Kurosaki's friend after all, but that could never change the relationship me and Kurosaki had. Not as lovers and not as two precious childhood friends. Not ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about it, and I might just stick to their one year of college. If I do it in parts then, uhh...I might be dragging it on a bit. Instead, I'll stick to their first year and then move on and skip into their adulthood. If I somehow change my mind then I could go with the origional plan. Okay? Good. Also, jealous Kizami is jealous...


	51. Freshmen Year - His Jealousy...

Kurosaki's POV

Ever since Kizami and Shinji-senpai first met, I was worried that they would meet again and tension would once again arise between them. Kizami isn't a spiteful person, he just hates to lose against people like Shimada and Senpai. But he never shows it-because Kizami never loses. He is a sore loser, ever since we were kids. But he doesn'tshow it in a childish way, that isn't like him. To me, I know when he turns into a sore loser. I've seen it with my own eyes, like when he's put up to a challenge or insulted. Right now it's the same with Shinji-senpai. They clearly don't like eachother, as much as I spoke to them both about their differences and tried to convince them to get along. Of course, they weren't in the same room at the time. If they were, a war would break out between them, whether it was a verbal or physical war. They had differences involving me too. Senpai saw me pretty much every day. We were neighbours, took some of the same classes and walked to and from college most of the time. However, although he saw me only sometimes and not for long, my friendship with Senpai would never change to loving relationship I had with Kizami, nor would it change our past as childhood friends. I didn't get to see Kizami as often, but we were much closer than I am with Senpai, whom I've only known for a few weeks. I've known Kizami my whole life. He's my boyfriend and my precious childhood friend. I wouldn't replace him for anyone, not even for the most beautiful woman in the world. Kizami's mine and I'm his, ever since we were children. Nothing can break that bond. Absolutely nothing. We were inseperable since the day we met. 

I thought about all of this during class, paying little attention to the lecturer. I would regret it later, but this felt more important at the moment. My mind wandered with the same thoughts, like in a loop. That was until class had ended for the day. Seats rattled around me and notebooks were stuffed into bags. All of this brought back my attention and I immediatly followed the crowd in packing up my stuff and pushing my chair into the desk. I slid the strap of my bag over my shoulder and carried the weight of it out of the door. As I exited, I took out my cellphone and checked for any messages I had missed while it was off during class. I was surprised to see at least one message on the screen. From the brief title and contacter ID, it was from Kizami, subject: none. I read over the Japanese characters as I walked, hiding myself against the wall as other students passed me from either direction. I looked over the text when I made sure I wouldn't bump into anyone or vise versa. I was in the clear. [Hey, Kurosaki. I wanted to come see you today, like you did with me. I hope it's okay. I'll be waiting outside of your college when you get out. I know you're not working and you said you didn't have plans last night. Please reply once you get this. I hope we can discuss more about summer vacation today]. I was definitely free so there was no problem in seeing Kizami. In fact, I was happy that he was coming over to meet me. I didn't want to waste anytim so I sent a quick text to tell him I would be right there, adding a kissey face on the end. I regretted it immediatly after in case Kizami didn't know what it meant. 

As I was about to continue down the hall, however..."Hey, Kurosaki. You're leaving now, aren't you?" "Oh, hey, Senpai". Shinji-senpai came walkimg down the hall and in my direction. I couldn't ignore him, of course. He's my friend and it would be rude to ignore him. "Yeah, I'm going home now. You have work, don't you?" "Yes, that's right. Coming?" "O-oh, yeah. Of course". I almost forgot that I usually walk with him a little towards his work until we spilt paths. That meant that...he and Kizami would see eachother. I already had a bad feeling. Even if they didn't physically fight and just insulted eachother, I wasn't comfortable with that. Many students left campus in grouos, crowding around as they walked to the main gates. I looked on ahead, towards the main gates, and saw that Kizami wasn't there. Either that or he wasn't in my sights yet. There were a lot of people, after all. As I reached the campus gates, I looked around but I didn't see Kizami anywhere. "Is there someone you're looking for?" Senpai asked, puzzled. "Oh, uh...". I was caught off-guard for a moment. But something, or someone, else answered his question. I heard the footsteps approuch, but no hello from the prescence that I sensed right next to me. I turned my head and gulped. It was Kizami, definitely Kizami. He had a straight face, almost ignoring Shinji. But he must have spotted him talking to me. "U-uh, hey, Kizami". I greeted him, a little flustered. "Good afternoon. Was I interupting something?" He gave Shinji a glare. "Eh...". "Yes, actually". I didn't even get to answer. 

"No one asked you". Kizami responded quite coldly. They had only just met the other day. Why so hostile?! "Okay, okay, Kizami. Calm down. You didn't interupt anything. Let's just...get going". "Yes, let's". Kizami agreed, seemingly impatient to go. "I'll go a different way today. I can't stand the smell of men's perfume, if that's what you're wearing as part of your 'work'...". "Heh, that's rich coming from someone who stinks of mongrel. Is it fun being an animal sitter? Must be hard cleaning up shit ever hour you work". Senpai gave me a glare. It was obvious that I told Kizami about one of Senpai's part-time jobs. I never thought Kizami would use it as an insult. "Kizami, that's enough". I said firmly. "You say I stink of mongrel but it seems you act like one. All bark and no bite". "...What did you just say to me?" Kizami clenched his fists tightly. Conflict already? "You sound threatening, but it seems you're being kept on a leash. I feel bad for you, Kurosaki". Kizami's eyes seemed to darken and he was about to pounce when I grabbed his arm. "No violence!" I cried. "Oh-ho, see? Better keep that leash tight on him, Kurosaki. Dogs like him will bite anyone who give them even a weird look". "Senpai, that's enough! Both of you!" Kizami relaxed, but still seemed frustrated. I was frustrated. They didn't meet too long ago and the hostility between them was already through the roof. I didn't understand why and it pissed me off. "Will you both cut it out? What's the problem here?" They were both silent. My questions went unanswered. "Let's just go, Kurosaki. I've had enough of this snob upper-classmen". "W-wait a moment!" Kizami walked on and I had no choice but to follow. I looked back at Senpai, unable to apologise. He went too far with his insults. Kizami didn't deserve all that. I just gave him a look of disappointment and rushed towards Kizami in order to catch up. This was the worst... 

When entering my apartment, the silence between us fell apart and I let my thoughts pour out into words. "What the hell was all that about?" I asked, angry and puzzled. Kizami removed his shoes and walked into the apartment. "Kurosaki, I'm sorry but that guy just pisses me off". "That isn't an excuse. I know how much you hate to lose to people, but violence isn't like you. You're better than that". "But he isn't. That bastard...Shit!" Kizami kicked the table in frustration. It didn't tip over or break, it simply jolted from the impact. I had never seen him so angry. "I won't lose to him again. I won't be weak in front of a piece of shit like him! Not ever...". He mumbled the last phrase, as it seemed familiar to him. And then Kizami grew silent. He had his back to me, refusing to show his face. I sighed, kicking off my shoes and quickly approuching him from behind. I hugged him in the best comfort I could offer. "He went too far, and I'll talk to him about it. Those words were too much and Senp-...He shouldn't have said those things. It wasn't fair". I loosened my grip when I felt Kizami turn around. He hugged me too, which seemed to calm him down immensly. He kissed my cheek, several times with short butterfly kisses. If it made him feel better, then I didn't mind. But he still seemed frustrated in a way.

He inhaled softly into my hair, and I did the same for him, but into his clothing since our heights were still very different. I almost did expect to smell some expensive fragrance for men, but instead indulged in the same sweet, enchanting scent that was Kizami himself. It was so sweet and clean, the scent of coconut radiating from him as well. He always bought the same lotion, knowing how much I loved the smell, mixed with his natural scent. I was in a trance for a moment, breaking away from it as Kizami spoke. "Kurosaki...". He murmered into my ear. "Do you want to know why I hate your 'friend' so much?" It would nag me if I didn't get a good reason. "I hate him because...I'm jealous, alright?" I was shocked and...I was suddenly still. I froze for a moment and processed the idea of a jealous Kizami. It would have been funny if he wasn't so serious. "That may be unbelievable, but it's true. I don't trust him, even if he's straight or whatever. Whatever his intentions are, I won't have a bastard like him take you away from me. Ever". 

Kizami sounded slightly possesive, which worried me. He was never worried about stuff like that, with anyone. There was a good chance that Senpai was straight, so why would he worry that Shinji would take me away? "That won't happen, Kizami". I reassured him. "Senpai is definitely straight and, besides, I could never leave you for anyone else. You're important to me, as a lover, childhood friend and everything else". I pulled away from the hug, cupping his cheek. "So don't worry". I finished, leaving us both in a momentary silence. Kizami overlapped my hand with his and leaned into it. I smiled, caressing my thumb against some stubble growing from his skin. "You need a shave". I noted out loud, recieving an awkward and slightly shy chuckle. "I must have forgot this morning. That's quite embarrassing". The heat rose in his face and clearly grew pink from embarrassment. Kizami was too cute. I kissed his lips, giving them a small peck and then attempting to pull away before Kizami pounced, giving me a real kiss. I couldn't pull away from that. I didn't want to pull away from Kizami. These crazy ideas in his head were normal, just not for him. I never expected him to get jealous of anyone for anything. Was it just because of me? Because Senpai saw me more often and went to the same college and was my neighbour? Kizami would have considered Shinji's sexual orientation too and wouldn't just assume that he liied me or anything. Kizami seemed more jealous of Shinji because he was around me more often, and with Kizami we were so far apart for a long time. He just wanted to be with me as much ashe could. I felt the same, of course. If we saw eachother more often, it would feel like high school again. Me and him, together for most of the day whether that involved school, lunch or weekends. That seemed like a legit reason for Kizami's jealousy, and I could understand him for that. Of course I could. He was still my best friend, after all. 

We ended up in the bath after wearing out almost all our energy in the bedroom. I sat on Kizami's lap as comfortable as I could be, which wasn't that comfortable, and gave him a shave since he needed one more than I thought he did. With each stroke of the razor on his chin or jaw line, I whipped the tool into the small basin that sat on the surface of the tub. I kept one hand at the nape of his neck to keep him steady, at some point having my fingers run through his hair. Kizami had his arms around me the whole time, distracting himself with kissing my chest and making me giggle as I cleaned the razor. "Hehe, stop it. That tickles". Kizami looked up at me with a smirk, continuing to kiss my chest as if to disobey my request. I shook my head, wrapping my arms around his neck to kiss his lips. The scent of the shaving cream was filling my nose. I often smelled that too, during the mornings that we woke up together-right after Kizami visited the bathroom. There was that and the after-shave, which I hadn't applied yet. Kizami chuckled when I pulled away from the kiss, swiping his thumb along my chin. He picked up some of the cream. "You got some on your chin". He showed it to me on a single finger. "O-oh, um, any more?" "Yeah...". "Huh? Where?" I touched my cheeks and chin to make sure until Kizami teased me some more, which I hadn't realised until the very next second. "Right here". He swiped the cream on his finger onto the tip of my nose and I giggled. "Haha, come on, don't". Kizami pulled me in once I wiped the cream away. He pressed his lips into the side of my neck, blowing raspberries into the sensitive skin. It tickled, a lot. "Hahah! Stop-stop it~. Hahahaha! T-tickles!" I curled up, wrapping my arms around Kizami's neck securely. He chuckled against the moist spot of my neck before pulling away again. There was a pause between us, a shared smile making up for the silence. This was...fun. Kizami was fun. I always knew he was, deep down. He could be when he wanted to be. And I loved his fun and happy side. It's just one of the things that I love about him, among many other traits. 

He leaned back in the bathtub, relaxed. I sunk down slightly, rings drifted away and splashes flying from the water. I placed the razor to the side, right beside the bowl. I rested my chin on Kizami's broad shoulder, and pressed my lips into the firm muscle. "Aren't you uncomfortable?" Kizami asked, concerned. "No, I'm fine". "It isn't painful in your hips or anything?" "Nah. You get used to the pain until it's not there anymore. It just feels really good". Kizami ran his fingers down my spine. They were cold, so I flinched. "Sorry...". He apologised with a sigh, returning his hold to my waist. "It's okay". I replied, pushing back some of Kizami's bangs behind his ear. "Needed a shave and a haircut. This is so unlike you". His hair had gotten long again, but it looked good, honestly. "It's a pain to get cut, and I never have a lot of time to go to a barber anyway. In the end, it just grows". I pinched the longer strands between my fingers, rubbing the hair between my fingertips as if I was studying the texture and the length. It was almost covering the whole nape of his neck. "I see your point. Neither was us has a lot of time for anything, do we? Not even for eachother, which is pretty sad". "It is, but there's nothing we can do about it".

I didn't want to spend the time we had through college arguing about the situation between Kizami and Shinji-senpai. We had very little already. "Kizami, don't worry about Senpai. I know you feel jealous because he's around me more often, but it doesn't change our relationship. No matter how much time we spend together, you're the only man I'll ever love this way. You're the only man that's ever made me feel special. Isn't that enough?" Kizami was quiet as he seemed to ponder the thought. But he understood. "I see what you mean. Thank you, Kurosaki. You make me feel special too. You're the only person who made me feel like...I matter. That sounds quite absurd and perhaps a bit much, but it's the only way I can describe it. Although you were like a brother to me for many years, as well as my best friend, I really feel like you were the only one who cared. You were always there for me and I can't repay that with simple words, such as a thank you". Kizami rambled a bit, but I listened to every word in seriousness. I always listened because I liked to listen. I pulled away from our embrace, running my fingers through Kizami's hair from the side. "That's okay, Kizami. You wouldn't owe me anything in a million years. That's what best friends are for, and lovers". I kissed him lightly on the lips and then looked to the surface of the bath. "We should hurry. The water's getting a little chilly. I'll put your after shave on for you and then we'll get out". I picked up the bottle, dripping some of the strong-scented liquid onto the palm of my hand before rubbing it together. As I applied it to his skin, I thought about Kizami and Senpai. Even if the whole jealously thing was sorted, there was still one thing I was curious about. I decided to ask it once we got out of the bath, before we froze. 

As we changed into loose clothing for bedtime, I asked the question that had been on my mind. "Kizami, why do you hate Senpai? Is it because of what he said when you first met?" "No, not really". He answered as he pulled on a t-shirt. "At first I disliked the look on his face, but as soon as he opened his mouth it pissed me off". That was the reason? "Well, I see some aspects in him that are a little similar to yours, I guess". "Like what?" "Ehh...N-nevermind". If I said mentioned his old self then it might not end well. "I suppose he's more cynical than you are, and judges people far too quickly, but...". I gripped the hem of my shirt, my pause gaining Kizami's gaze towards me. "I didn't lie when I said he was a good guy. He just isn't good with people, especially people he's intimidated by". I would have taken that back, but I couldn't. "He's...possibly intimidated by me?" "I won't say anymore, and I hope you don't say anything as well". "I won't. I'm sorry about before. I shouldn't throw insults at him like that, which make you look bad. That was childish of me". I smiled at Kizami's maturity. "Now, let's get to bed. You must be tired". We lay down under my futon, cuddling and snuggling comfortably after turning off the light. Things were okay for now, but I had to speak with Senpai as soon as I could and tell him to back off. He had no reason to hate Kizami. If he did, it would have to be a legitimate reason, right? 

"Huh...?" Wrong. "Yes, I hate pretty boys". Said Shinji when I confronted him about the whole ordeal the very next day, at lunch. "What sort of reason is that?!" "You sound shocked, but they're all the same in my books". Sayimg that when he doesn't even know Kizami as a person. "If he really is a model, with that face, then he probably likes the attention. I bet he's had more girlfriends than he deserves". "But Senpai, you shouldn't just judge Kizami. I've known him since we were children-I know he's not like that at all". "That also pisses me off...". Senpai mumbled, so I couldn't quite hear him. "Huh...?" "Hm? Nothing. I didn't say anything". Senpai continued to sip his coffee casually as he looked over the morning news on his laptop. I sighed deeply, resting my head on his table. "You shouldn't have said what you said the other day". "I know. He was just annoying to look at". He's just as childish as Kizami. "I can't get along with him, but I can pretend for your sake". "Is that all you can manage?" I asked, implying that Shinji was hopeless when it involved trying. He wouldn't even get to know Kizami first, and vise versa. Oh, well...If it was just pretending, with no fights, then it would have to do.

"Senpai...I have to ask something else". "What...?" "Are you...intimidated by Kizami?" "...So what if I am?" I raised my head in shock. "Really? Are you even...jealous?" "Of what?" "I dunno...". "Well, let's say that I was...". Senpai's words pulled me in all of a sudden. He was jealous too? But what part of Kizami made him jealous? "What would you be jealous of?" Senpai hesitated, looking a little flustered, before burying his head behind his computer screen again. "It would be a secret". "Huh? A secret?" "Yeah...". He really was childish, but only when intimidated, just like Kizami. It's aspects such as that which would make you think they would get along like two peas in a pod. However, it would have the exact opposite effect since those aspects are negative. Kizami was a sore loser, Shinji was a sore loser. Kizami could be childish when intimidated, and so could Shinji. That's why they can never get along. They could only pretend while I was stuck in the middle. I hoped that was the limit. No more fights, no more insults. I would have to keep me and Kizami's relationship a secret if I didn't want war to break out and destroy all of Osaka with their fights. Hopefully it would pass anf they would get used to being around eachother. That's what I wished for, anyway. I wasn't positive that it would come true, though. Oh, well, no harm done. At least...not yet.


	52. Freshmen Year - When We Were Shy

Kizami's POV

I paid close attention to every lecture I attended. I took notes, listened carefully and paid no mind to anyone else around me. Frankly, I sat by myself in the room. I didn't feel comfortable sitting with people who I found to be vaguely interesting. I also sat at the back after a few days of female students staring at me from a distance. Great...just like high school. I wish I could comfront them and say "I'm not interested, I already have someone whom I love", but women can be viscious that way. I sensed that these women were more mature and demanding than high school girls. They would try to convince me to break up with whoever I was seeing, without even considering that I might be dating a man. I heard a few stories like that around the university, and it always seems to be the same group of girls, apparently. I would gladly ignore them for every business class I have than speak to them for one minute to tell them I'm not interested in them. It's a real pain, if I'm honest. But I kept to myself. That's how it went. However, one morning, that changed drastically. And I found myself unable to hang out with just Fukuroi anymore. 

It was lunchtime at university. I sat with Fukuroi, as per usual and barely spoke to him during the first half an hour. We passed conversation about class and work and Kurosakk, like we normally did. We could tolerate eachother and got on fairly well without arguments, but we didn't share many of the same interests. I seemed to talk a lot morw with Kurosaki since he got me into so many things. He even convinced me to read a light novel which a girl at his colleg recommended to everyone in class. Kurosaki's very open minded, it was a new release this month, so he gave it a shot and suggested it to me. I ended up buying a copy and reading a chapter or two before bed. So far I was quite interested in the story. It took quite a serious tone, but that made it all the more interesting to read. With Fukuroi, our relationship is a little more distant and he isn't as cheerful or bubbly. But at least I could talk to him about certain things. There was a limit, of course-such as intimacy with Kurosaki or Fukuroi's personal feelings or anything of the like-but we he did kindly ask about me and Kurosaki. Overall, "we were happy", I told him. Aside from that dog, Yoshida. So far I'm learning to ignore him and act civil, but he boils my blood. Whenever he says something cynical or judgmental, it angers me. He doesn't know how to keep his opinions to himself. 

Anyway, I sat quietly as I continued with my meal. Fukuroi chose to make a comment. "Is this the first proper meal you've had in a while?" He asked, curiously, closing his book over. "No, I've had better meals. But it's filling, so that's what matters". "Kizami, I agree with hard work and all, but aren't you pushing yourself too hard?" "It isn't just the work-it's everything. It's my job, the assignments, being with Kurosaki. It piles up, but there's nothing I can do about it". "I see...Well, try and take it easy whenever you can. No one's forcing you to keep getting up whem you're down". I smirked, amused. "I never thought I would hear that from you". "Well, these are different circumstances". "I suppose...". I replied, aloof. I could manage, mostly. I just needed a balance of work, my jobs and spending time with Kurosaki. I wanted to satisfy all three needs while keeping myself from collapsing from exhaustion or malnutrition. It didn't sound too difficult, although that may be my ego speaking, saying that I could easily tough it out and eat when I only really needed to. I finshed everything, leaving nothing but crumbs and drops of miso soups splattered inside the bowl. As I looked at the corner of my eye, just as I took my dishes to the appropriate place, I saw the same girls staring at me stupidly. I sighed, my back to them. When I returned to Fukuroi, I chose not to stay. "I'm going to go. I have to get some fresh air". I lied. "Really? Okay. I haven't finished yet, so I'll see you soon, I suppose". "See you soon". I walked out, hoping that those girls would get a life and stop stalking me. Even if I wasn't in a perfectly happy and serious relationship, I would have been irritated. Can't they each, individually find someone else to stalk? 

I was annoyed, thoroughly annoyed. I walked down the hallways, alone as I headed to no destination in particular. Maybe I would get some fresh air, call Kurosaki. He would be on his lunch break too, anyway. So I did just that, taking out my cell phone once I found a secluded area on campus. I leaned against the building's walls and speed-dialed Kurosaki's number before putting the reciever to my ear. I listened to phone's humming for a few seconds, right before I heard it cut off and then that familiar voice come through. ["Hello? Kensuke here. Whoever this is you must be lonely to call during lunch break"]. He said this in his usual cheerful tone, knowing that it was me from the caller ID that would display on his screen. I smiled. "Hey, Kurosaki. And I'm not lonely. I just wanted to talk for a few minutes before class". ["What about?"] He asked, the noise from his end coming through as he talked. "Nothing, really. Am I interupting anything?" ["No, not at all. I'm just here with some guys from class. They're making weird faces right now, thinking that I'm talking to my 'girlfriend'. Yeah, right"]. "Don't say that, you could meet a nice girl one day. Smart, beautiful-someone really special who you can tell that you're already in a relationship". I heard Kurosaki's sweet giggle over the line. [Hehe, yeah, maybe. So, anyway, I'm you called. I was wondering if I could come see you after work. Granted, it'll be seven at night, but..."]. "No, that's fine. I just don't want you to push yourself". ["Aww, aren't you a caring bo-...Uh, friend"]. It was as if Kurosaki just remembered that he had people with him. I shook my head to myself. ["Anyway, how about we meet at the station then? At seven?"] "Sounds good". ["Great. I'll see you then. I, uh...I love you"]. The last sentence was in a hushed whisper, again since Kurosaki wasn't alone. "I love you too. Hace a good day". We hung up. With every "I love you", whether I said it or Kurosaki said it, I felt so giddy. As I stood there, however, the feeling didn't last-as I had felt a second prescence beside me. And all was silent. 

I didn't hesitate to find out who they were. Once I caught a glimpse at the corner of my eye, I turned my head to confirm my suspicions. Whoever they were, once I saw them, flinched as our eyes met. It was a male student, who looked like a freshmen. He had short, blonde hair and dark green eyes. His childish appearance and short height, a little shorter than Kurosaki, gave him the impression as a high schooler more than a college student. He didn't say anything, as he was frozen on the spot, almost intimidated by me. What did I care? I didm't know him and I necer saw him around class. I could just walk away and pretend that I necer saw him. "Um...". I was about to leave as I moved from the wall, but he decided to speak up. "Y-you're Yuuya Kizami, aren't you?" I couldn't possibly start to guess how he knew my name. But I went along with it, hoping to find the answer. "Yes, that's right". "Oh, of course. Um, I never knew your name at first. I just recognised you from the cover of Men's Buckle. You model for it". He didn't ask, he stated it in knowing. Still, how did he get my name? "I wouldn't be surprised if all the girls from this university knew that. Then again, it is a men's magazine. A-anyway, I'm sorry for listening in to your call ju-just now. I just...". He tensed up under my gaze, visibly. But then tried to gain a strike of confidence . I think he tried too hard as his voice cracked. "I wanted to...tell you something". I didn't say anything through this whole speech. The fact that I remained totally silent must have made this more difficult for him. "I...I, um...I...". He stammered, unable to find his words. He ended up darting his eyes around, looking at anything but me. I sighed, this caused him to break away from his state of embarrassment or bashfullness or whatever it was. Class was starting soon. I didn't have time for this. I was going to ask him if this could wait, but to no avail..."Um, please, I need your help!". He suddenly bowed, shaking. He looked so desperate, too. I didn't have all afternoon, you know. "You're really popular with girls-I've seen it. I'm really jealous and I know a loser like me could never get a girlfriend with my lack of confidence. So, could you help me--g-get a girlfriend?" I was still, nut showed no signs of surprise or bemusement, as strange as this request was.

I looked around. No one saw. That made this a little less painful. The boy stood properly from silence, looking as if I already gave him a "no". His expression sunk. "Um...I know this is a weird request, but I really wanted to ask you. And I don't think you're the type of guy who would beat someone up for imposing such a thing". He was right about that, but I couldn't help him. I've only loved one person, and that's how it will stay. I can only love Kurosaki. There's no one else, so I couldn't possibly help this person find a girlfriend. I had to apologise. "Pl-please. If you say no, I'll understand. I just...wanted some advice about finding the right person. I know I shouldn't have eavesdropped, but it sounds like you really love your girlfriend". A spark went off in my mind. From the phone call I just had...He thought it was my girlfriend? He didn't consider that it might be a man? That made this even more difficult, like I accidentally gave this kid false hope that I was an expert on relationships or something. Like I said, I only love Kurosaki. I've never had my eyes on anyone else. It would be awkward to explain to him that I had a boyfriend, but..."You can have a bit of an open mind, you know". "Huh...?" My sentence got his full attention. "Think about it. You shouldn't ask someone else for advice on finding a lover, especially 'the one'. Everyone has different preferences, different likes and different fetishes. From that, you can't assume that getting a girlfriend-or whatever you're into-is the same every time. You want my advice? Grow a pair and just be yourself until you find someone who likes you for you. But I would try and be friends first, otherwise you're just falling into a pit of despair and heartbreak with nothing to land on. Friendship is what keeps you from lonliness". I was no expert on relationships. I didn't even know what love felt like until I became extremely close with Kurosaki. He thinks we're quite lovey-dovey in some aspects. But I think he's joking. What we have is special and unbreakable. Not only are we boyfriend and boyfriend, we're best friends. With that at hand, we can never feel lonliness or regret. I couldn't tell this kid to act a certain way. That isn't right. There had to be someone out there as pathetic as him, someone who would make stupid requests like he did and then get inspired by having someone tell him the obvious. It sounded cruel, but that was the truth. Nothing more. 

I wanted to walk away and let that be the end of it, but somehow I felt quite bad for the kid. He seemed so determind to gain my assistance a short while ago. I sighed once more. "Listen, I can't help you to get a girlfriend-or whatever. But I can try and help you gain a little more confidence. How about that?" His face lit up, a bright and cheery smile on his lips. "Thank you very much, Kizami-senpai! Um, my name's Isumu Nakano, it's a pleasure to make your aquaintance". Isumu? Like the characters for "courage"? Hah, how ironic. "May I call you Nakano-chan?" "Ch-chan...?" I teased. "O-of course, Senapi. Call me anything you want". "You can just call me Kizami. I'm not your Senpai. We're in the same year, I assume". "How about Kizami-sama?" "Fine. That's...fine". This was already becoming troublesome. "Maybe I should get to know you first before I give you any advice". "Huh? Really?" "Yeah. We're aquaintances now. I won't just give advice like this to someone I don't really know". "I understand. I'd like to get to know you, too". Just as he spoke, I checked my watch. Class was staring in six minutes. "Class is starting soon. We can talk another time". "Shoot, really?! Uh, I gotta go too. Thanks again, Kizami-sama". Nakano-chan ran off towards the main entrance. It was anout time I left too. Guess I had no choice but to make friends with this kid and tell him what I could. Whatever. That wouldn't be until tomorrow anyway, so I could just place my mind elsewhere until I saw Kurosaki. I needed to complain about something, might as well be this. 

When I did tell Kurosaki about it, just after we bought some take-out, he was as still as I was. "Huh? Really? Woah, that's, uh...". He didn't know what to say. "I know, it's crazy, but I felt bad for him and thought that maybe he needed to just boost his confidence. I'm not going to hold his hand while he asks a girl out". Kurosaki laughed, his lips shut as he had just put food in his mouth. "I'm serious, you know". "Yeah, I know. It's just...the way you said it, sorry". I groaned, as if this was a huge pain in the ass. It wasn't really and I was over-exaggerating, but I had my own relationship. And that kid, Nakano, needed to grow a pair himself. "I think it's nice, though". "Nice? Really?" "Yeah, I do. It reminds me of when you and I first started going out". I was puzzled slightly. "How so?" "Well...you and me...We were total noobs at the whole "dating" thing. We were new to it and both shy about everything. Holding hands, kissing. Looking back on it, I think it was innocent and cute. We were, together, innocent and cute. Now look at us...". I thought back to those times in high school, when we started dating. 

I vividly remember being shy, holding hands with Kurosaki for the first time. He was shy, too. There was our first kiss, which was Christmas in junior high. We were so young and it seemed like years since then. "It feels like a millennium". Kurosaki stated quietly, a piece of sushi between his chopsticks. He was reminiscing as well. "You make it sound like we're a couple of old men, looking back on decades. It hasn't been that long". Kurosaki smiled softly, lowering the utensils. "You're right. But we'll be old men someday, and I know for a fact that...I'll still love you-even when we're old and can barely look after ourselves. I'll...always love you, Kizami". My heart skipped a beat as I stared at Kurosaki. He didn't look at me, as if he would cry if he so much as glanced in my direction. We sat on that bench, in front and behind the scenery of a nearby park. All was quiet for an unkown amount of seconds. But between those seconds, I leaned in close to Kurosaki and kissed a spot just above his ear. He turned his head when I did, eyes seemingly watering. I gave a smile, almost reassuring him that it would be many years before we became old men. Still..."I'll always love you too, Kurosaki. Always". I kissed his cheek this time, lacing my hand across his knuckles-threading my fingers around his. Kurosaki smiled too, and closed his eyes. Even when we were old, lying on our death beds side-by-side, I would hold his hand and tell him that I love him in whatever words I could manage. I wouldn't go down without a fight, without reassuring him and comforting him. "Haha, we really are like an old married couple". Kurosaki laughed, sounding like a few lumps got caught in his throat. 

I touched the tip of his nose with mine, rubbing them together gently. Kurosaki made the move to kiss my lips, not caring if we were in a public place. We loved eachother, why be scared of that? Once we pulled away from eachother, it was clear that no one was around anyway. It was just us, acting like the old married couple that we apparently were. Kurosaki dug back into his food immediatly, making a face of enjoyment. "Hmm...This is so good". He said with a full mouth. "Don't talk with your mouth full, it's rude". "You say that, but you-". "Shh...Not in public". I covered Kurosaki's mouth with my hand. He laughed into it, swiftly moving it away and holding it at a distance. "I wasn't gonna say anything dirty". "Kurosaki, I know you. Even if you're dating me, a man, it doesn't mean you stopped being perverted". "True, but I'm not that perverted anymore...Except towards you, maybe". I rolled my eyes, wrapping an arm around Kurosaki and kissing his cheek once more. "Okay, then. That's fine". Kurosaki leaned his head against my shoulder, continuing with his meal. "So, with this guy...Just do what you intended. Help him boost his confidence so he can meet a girl of his own. I'll even help out if you want". "That's sweet of you, but I can try on my own. Thanks anyway". "Oh, well. My offer is open to you and your friend if we all have the time". I looked on ahead, towards the sky beyond us. It was quite settling to stare at. I thought about Nakano-chan. Usually men have more self-esteem than that, but I suppose he's different. If I found out more about him, I could figure some things out and actually help him as much as I could. It would probably be easier if he didn't have a particular girl in mind, or if he knew a girl with the same interests that he liked. There was no point going after someone who he had no chance with. Either they didn't like the same things or if she was just a plain piece of shit that would only cause heartbreak. This would be quite an interesting adventure, I suppose. And if I needed some support, I knew where to find it. I swear, Kurosaki's too good to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that day, Kizami shortly became Gintoki Sakata, from Gintama, with his cynical but truthful advice. They have the same voice actor too!


	53. Freshmen Year - The Beginning Of Summer

Kurosaki's POV

I stared up at the sky from under the security of my futon. It was already fairly warm in my bedroom, but not boiling hot. This was the time when summer was just coming around. Soon it would be summer vacation, the festival and then autumn. Saying it like that, it sounds like time is flying by without allowing us to catch up. Then again, there was so much to do in such a short time. I smiled, snuggling my face into my pillow, giddy, as I thought about all the stuff me and Kizami would do during summer. The images whizzed past in my head like a role of film, my heart skipping a beat as I pictured the scenery. I was too happy for the morning. But the thing that kept me most awake was the thought of seeing Kizami in a yukata. Goosebumps ran up my arms and my legs shifted under the covers from the chill of excitement. I felt like a kid waiting for a mix of summer and Christmas. I couldn't wait. I knew Kizami would be handsome, a dark yukata draped over his perfect body and-...uh...Yeah, I wasn't just happy then. This was just borderline excitment and pure joy. I mean, seeing Kizami in a yukata wouldn't be that much of a big deal, right? Looking back on it, I remember seeing a lot of magazines issued during plenty of summer vacations. I remember, back in junior high, I would look at these magazines in any old book store, Kizami by my side, and notice just how cute all the women in yukatas looked. They were around seventeen or so, plastered on the front cover wearing an expensive-looking kimono and no bra (clearly). They were either really cute or just gorgeous and I envied the guy who could look at that everyday and talk to her and get to know her. At the time, I had just discovered girlfriends and the opportunity of being a boyfriend. Somehow, I've never looked back on it. Now that I've kissed Kizami, held hands with Kizami, made out with Kizami, cuddled, touched, confessed and had sex with Kizami...I can't possibly look back. He's the best thing to ever happen to me, even when we were just friends. He makes me happy. 

They say that things don't last forever, and I shouldn't hold those hopes in my heart with one person. However, Kizami's different. We really connect and understand eachother. It's fun and loving and so much more. And the fact that we're a first to eachother makes it more special. I heard some rustling behind me, a smile appearing on my lips as a set of big fingers laced through mine softly. A soft kiss pecked my neck and the back of my head. A warmth covered my whole back and arm sneaked underneath me. "Good morning, Kurosaki". My heart jumped and I leaned back a little to meet eyes with my sleeping companion. We were so close. "Morning...". I said, my voice perky. "Someone sounds awake. Have a good sleep?" "The best...". I mumbled, sliding my hand down Kizami's jaw. He needed a shave again. When thinking that, the skin of my jaw and chin felt itchy. I needed a shave too, it seemed. I fell gently onto my back as Kizami moved on top of me. His chest was bare and one of his expensive, silver necklaces from modeling hung from his neck. It glimmered and it clinked softly as the trinket swayed in front of my face. I explored his torso with my eyes. It was so perfect. Almost as if he was sculpted by an artist, or god if he's really up there. However, the thing that sort of ruined it was a purplish bruise on his shoulder from last night, in the shape of a dotted cresent moon. That was, uh, my fault. Seeing it in daylight was sort of embarrassing. I didn't know what came over me the other night. 

"Does it hurt?" I asked simply, with no explaination. However Kizami, being the sharp guy that he is, knew what I was talking about from my concerned stare. He glanced to his shoulder and then immediatly back to me with an expression that reassured me. "No, not at all. It's nothing to worry about. Although...I am concerned". "Huh? Why?" "Well, honestly, I didn't know you had it in you to...bite me". Kizami laughed gingerly, his gaze averting from my attention for a mere second. I laughed nervously also, my face warm. "Hehe, me, me neither". After a quiet moment, Kizami brushed his knuckles to my cheek. He wore a soft smile before it disappeared, his back bending down as he leaned forward. I readied myself, closing my eyes and slightly parting my lips. I momentarily felt the heat of Kizami's lips and breath. I wanted to quickly close the gap before...(Brrr!)...(Brrrr!) I opened my eyes upon hearing the obnoxious buzzing. Kizami looked frustrated, letting out a heavy sigh that definitely matched his expression. "That's yours, mines off so that we wouldn't recieve any mood-killers". I gulped. "S-sorry, Kizami. I have to get that". Kizami sat up and sat back on his rear while I scurried up to answer my cellphone. As quickly as I got up, I crashed my knees back down onto the floor cushion by my small desk-right by the window. I didn't hesitate to open the phone and answer, not even checking the caller ID. "Hello...?" ["Hey, good morning, Kurosaki"]. It was Shinji. Since he was calling at this time in the morning, he must have been travelling to the college right now. "Oh, hey, S-Senpai. And good morning. How are you-I mean, what's up?" ["Just called to make sure that you weren't coming to college today. It's your shift at work, isn't it?"] "Yeah, that's right. Why, is something up?" ["It's nothing much. I just wanted to let you know that the college is helping out with this year's summer's festival in Osaka"]. "Really? Okay, that's neat. Um, do you want me to help? If so, I'll happily help set things up or whatever you need". ["That's just like you. You never shy away from work"]. "Senpai...?" That sounded...quite strange coming from him. I wasn't sure what it was, it just seemed odd. ["At least you're not the weak slack-off I first thought you were"]. Nevermind. Nothing changed at all. My bad. ["Anyway, I did want you to help with set-up and maybe handle a stall if you're chosen to do so?"] "Uh...". Handle a stall? I was skeptical. I wasn't one to avoid work. I just...I wanted to spend the festival with Kizami. 

["Hm? You don't want to?"] Senpai heard my hesitation through his end, which didn't help the situation. "I-it's not that I don't want to. I swear! I just...". ["Ah, you'll have some company?"] "Y-yeah...". I could sense the overwhelming prescence of Kizami behind me, but didn't move a muscle. ["Is she your girlfriend?"] "Senpai...!" ["What? I'm allowed to ask. Anyway, I understand if you want to spend time with her at the festival instead of running a stall. I'll find someone to fill in for you"]. "Wow, thanks Senpa-hah!" I suddenly cried out, feeling a tongue lick my ear. The warm, wet sensation caused me to nearly jump out of my skin. I nearly dropped the cellphone on the ground from the shock. WhatwasKizamithinking?! (Not a typing mistake) I thought, panicked. ["Kurosaki, are you alright?"] Shit..."I'm fine. R-really. I just tested the water for my bath. I accidentally ran cold water-and now it's freezing!". I lied, still panicking. ["Oh, okay. If you say so. Anyway, I'll go over the plans for the festival the next time I see you. Until then, have a good day"]. "Yeah, you too, Senpai. Er, bye". We hung up, and I let out a huge sigh. I was going to turn back and give Kizami an earful, but then felt his huge arms wrap around me to keep me still. "Haah, finally. I thought he would never say good-bye". Kizami sighed, resting his chin on my head. "Kizami, what was that about? Don't just lick my ear while I'm on the phone". "Sorry. I wanted to make your friend jealous". Kizami whispered, kissing the same ear that he had just licked. My face became flustered, right up to my ears. I shook my head, not wanting to get flustered over Kizami's childish behaviour. "Kizami, you're better than that. You know you are". "Hm...Thanks, but even a level-headed man like me can feel the sting of jealousy. The only way I can put it at ease is by making my enemy fume with anger. But I suppose your little Senpai is too shallow to even imagine that his Kohai-Kurosaki is gay for me, a man and your childhood best friend". Since when did Kizami have such a dark side?! He sounded so mean and almost cruel towards Senapi. Just how much did he hate him?! 

Kizami pulled away from me, kissing my cheek before standing up. "I'll put your futon away for you, okay?" "Uh, sure. I guess I'll start up the bath, unless you wanna have breakfast first?" "We can take a bath first. There's plenty of time before I have to leave for work, anyway. We can both stay in the tub a little longer this morning". It was only natural that my face would warm up with every weird thing that Kizami said, along with his smooth and deep voice sending goosebumps over my sensitive skin. I stood up, walking towards the bedroom door and exiting. For a moment, I did look back to see Kizami roll up my futon. I didn't say a word. I simply left the bedroom to run the bath for us. I ended up thinking about what Kizami did during the call with Shinji as I knelt down before the bathtub, running the hot faucet.. Kizami isn't the possesive type, at least I didn't think he was. He was jealous, without reason to be. It's not as if Senpai likes me the way Kizami does. He's most defimitely straight, despite the lack of dirty magazines or porno in his room. But I've heard him mention a few past girlfriends. Although he doesn't talk about it anymore. Of course, I can't talk about anything like that since I hace no experience with girls. Just...a guy. What would he think if he knew? Senpai is quite judgmental on people he barely knows. It's a bad habit of his, quite snobbish. If he knew I was dating a man, what would he think? No matter how cold he can be towards others, I treasure the friendship I have with him. It's just...I don't want his bad habit to ruin that friendship, and especially to break me and Kizami apart. I wouldn't let either of those happen, so I choose to keep it to myself. 

As the bath was just filling up to the right height, I heard the door open, the creak bouncing off the walls. I momentarily looked back to see Kizami, sweatpants just below his hips and chest still exposed. "Ready...?" He asked, his deep voice also bouncing off the tiled walls. "Uh, yeah. I'll wash your back before we get in, okay?" "Thanks, it hurts a little, anyway". As he said that, Kizami gripped his right shoulder and rolled it, also tilting his head in slight discomfort. "S-sorry about that". I muttered. "What are you apologising for? I think you're getting a lot better. You're just...a little 'rough' around the edges". Kizami winked at me, closing the door behind him. There was no hiding that! I turned my back to him, still kneeling on the floor as I turned the faucet off. I tested the water with a swift wave of my hand on the clear surface, but quickly retracted it. "Ooh, that's hot. Good, that means we have plenty of time to wash ourselves before getting in". Just then I heard the blast of the shower water running, smacking the floor below it. Kizami tested it with his palm until the temperature was satisfactory. He retracted his hand, swishing the water beads from his hand. He stood for a moment, skillfully pulling the stood over and in front of the bath with his foot before dropping his sweatpants. I looked away, not wanting to stare like some pervert. I undressed, too. First removing my t-shirt and then my boxers. I felt a slight chill wash over me, hearing the running water of the shower change its tone as Kizami got under it. He looked over his shoulder, towards me, tilting his head for a second, signalling that I should come over. I did, grabbing a clean wash cloth and body lotion on the way. I kneeled behind Kizami, out of the water so I could see his big, broad back. "Okay, just relax. This'll be cold so it may tickle a little". "That's fine, and thank you, Kurosaki. I'll do the exact same for you after this". "Oh, yes, please. It'll make this a lot easier, after all". I prepared the wash cloth with lotion, unhesitant to run the damp cloth over Kizami's back. He flinched. "Are you alright? I told you it would tickle". "I-it didn't. I was just a little surprised". I smirked behind Kizami's back. "There's no need to be embarrassed. Kizami, you and I have taken lots of baths together. Why feel ashamed now?" Kizami hesitated but soon slumped his shoulders in acceptance. "I guess you're right. I don't think that there's any secrets between you and me anymore". I silently agreed. What secrets were there to keep anymore? None. Not emotionally, mentally or physically. 

I slid the cloth down his back, quickly forming suds that ran down his spine and shoulder blades. "Want me to wash your front too?" "Uh, no, I can get it. I have a spare cloth, anyway". "Come on~. Let me". I wrapped my arms around Kizami, spreading the soap over his front without permission. "Wah! K-Kurosaki? D-don't...That tickles!" Kizami curled up slightly and I giggled as I watched. Still as cute as ever when he was embarrassed..."K-K-Kurosaki! S-stop-hah!" I giggled the whole time. I think this proves that I have a slight sadistic streak when it comes to a blushing Kizami. My eyebrows start wiggling, eventually I'll end up groping his ass, for whatever reason (Seiko and Naomi reference! Only they're boyzez-ahem, boys...*3*). That wouldn't happen. I wouldn't go that far. I let him keep a certain extent of his dignity. Kizami his quite proud, after all. I hugged him, my hair rapidly becoming damp underneath the shower head. He smelled good from the soap and his skin felt flushed. "Kurosaki...". He muttered as if a little irritated. But he accepted my hug from behind. "Kurosaki...". He repeated in a clearer tone. "Hmn...?" "When I finish washing myself...it'll be your turn". From his tone, that sounded a little dark. I gulped heavily. Crap... 

Soon, after all the revenge tickling from Kizami, we finally settled in the tub which had cooled down slightly. I sat inbetween Kizami's legs, as we usually did due to height difference. "Kurosaki, I want to talk about the summer festival over here". "Really? How come?" "Well...you're helping out with it, right?" "How did you-?" "You accidentally had your cellphone on loudspeaker". Kizami interupted. That was rather embarrassing. So he heard the whole conversation between me and Senpai. "Is there something wrong?" I asked him nervously. Somehow I was worried about his answer. I didn't want him to say anything about Shinji and how I shouldn't spend so much time with him. Kizami wasn't childish. Kizami wasn't possessive like that. At least...I wouldn't believe that if anyone told me. If Kizami said he was, admitting something like that, there would be no doubt in my mind. But there's no way he would. "No. Nothing. It just means we won't be able to see eachother a lot during the end of summer vacation, until the festival. You'll be helping out then". "I-I will. But I might just be helping for a day and that's it, depending on how many people are actually contributing". "Speaking of which, I might end up helping with the festival in Nagoya. At least the one in the area". "Hm, that's true. It's just a shame we can't do it together, like a school project". I held Kizami's big hand, the tips of his fingers wrinkling slightly, like mine. 

We locked fingers. "Hey, remember that essay we had to write in elementary school? The one about your best friend". "Yeah, awful for the loner children". "Eh...". I never even thought about that. Why the hell are teachers so inconsiderate to other's feelings without knowing? "Sorry, as you were saying?" "Y-yeah, anyway, I remember writing about you so clearly. Back then you got embarrassed easily. You've really grown up, huh?" "I can say the same for you, prying into my business whenever I worried you, even for the smallest things". "Ehehe...I-I know. Um, I couldn't help it. I-...?". Kizami had let go of my hand and, instead, hugged my with his big arms. It was really warm and cuddley. "If you never did worry and pry into my business, I never would have opened up to you. I never would have fallen in love with your kindness and your gentleness". My heart smacked against my ribcage as the beating sped up. Kizami placed his hand over that spot, listening to the quick beats. "Your kindness, your gentle heart...That's only a fraction as to why I fell in love with you". He muttered, kissing the top of my head. He hugged me tighter, his chin resting on the top of my head. My body moved by Kizami's strong pull. My back leaned into his chest, and I could feel his heartbeat. The rate of it was similar to whenever we had sex, but somehow the beats seemed more shallow. 

I felt the soft chuckle sweep through my hair like a cool chill. "I guess it's true...". Kizami muttered. "Taking baths together does bring people closer together". Quite literally, I would have said. But we didn't need bad puns right now. I wanted to savour Kizami's warmth and the sensation of his strong heart pounding against my back in a quiet mood. These baths made us more honest with eachother and brought shameful words as the shame had already been torn away, our bodies bare and exposed. There was no shame, no secrets between us. I fell in love with Kizami's kindness, too. He hid it for such a long time when we were kids, showing it only when he thought that it mattered. I've always loved Kizami, though. I loved him in my own way up until this point and beyond that. I'll still love him in the future. I said I would, no matter what. That's how important he was to me, more than anyone else. If I dated a girl instead of Kizami, I wouldn't hesitate to put him first, depending on the situation of course. But I dated Kizami, my first relationship and first boyfriend. My only boyfriend. No other man compared, not even a little. Kizami was the only person I could truely love. That was a promise I made myself, and indirectly to Kizami. I'm sure he knew, somehow. 

The last thing we did together before Kizami had to leave was have breakfast. He helped, despite feeling a little sore. But once all was said and done, I walked Kizami to the train station to say goodbye. And once the train pulled, with floods of people getting onboard, he kissed me on the lips and said his goodbye. For now, at least. "Have a safe trip. Love you". "I love you, too. Have a good day". Kizami boarded, standing at the doors as they closed to wave goodbye. I folded my arms, letting a hand stay upright to wave back. The train rode off into the distance, sliding across the tracks smoothly, getting farther and farther away until it finally disappeared from sight. I took a deep breath and let it out in a tremendous sigh. This was becoming normal for us with every organised plan and phone call. We didn't see eachother every day, that wasn't possible. But the days we did see eachother seemed short. There was only so many hours we could be together in one day-that was mostly in the evening. It wasn't as sad anymore, though, 'cause we got used to it by now. Was that...weird to get used to it? Maybe, maybe not. I guess that depends on how clingy a couple is. We weren't really clingy to eachother, feeling as if the whole world should know about our relationship. We were like any good couple who need space and time to themselves while also keeping a healthy amount of physical contact in public and even in private. It's not like we hug and kiss all the time. Just during hellos, goodbyes, intimate moments, extremely intimate moments and as thank you's. We weren't doing it 24/7 while sending cringy text messages. It wasn't for us. I walked out of the station, heading for my own work. I had a shift today that would take me up to the late hours of the afternoon. I needed the money, after all. It was still morning so I had plenty of time to work. 

I stayed until four in the afternoon, and ended up having lunch at work. Now I could go home and relax. Well, that's what I thought. I didn't have any plans until I entered the apartment building. As I entered the gpass doors, I saw Shinji-Senpai pick up his mail from the lobby letter boxes. He looked through the few envelopes he received before closing the box. I decided to greet him. "Hey, Senpai. Did you get back just now?" He looked towards me as soon as he heard my voice, and relaxed with the same look of indifference as he always had. "Yes, I did. Did you only just finish work?" "Uh, yeah. It was pretty tiring so I'm gonna just relax for the rest of the day". "Don't you have any assignments?" "No. I finished the most recent one yesterday. I'm all good". Shinji let out a sigh. "Aren't you pushing yourself too hard?" "Huh...?" That was unexpected. "You work hard enough already with classes and doing assignments within a day. Doesn't it wear you out?" "Oh, um...A little. But I wanna work hard and get things done. Besides, it's not as if I half-ass anything. So far I've gotten good scores and grades. And when I get my exams, they'll be a breeze". "Idiot...". Senpai mumbled something I couldn't quite hear, but left it as if I was totally oblivious to it. "Come on up. I'll make you some tea". "Huh? Okay, thanks". "Don't thank me yet. Just follow me". Inviting me for tea? Senpai must have hit his head somewhere, or was worried about me. He sounded worried just then. There was no need to be. I was doing fine, really. Then, well, something else surprised me as we sat in his apartment, drinking the herbal tea he had prepared. 

"Huh...?" I questioned vaguely, believing that something was wrong with my ears for a moment. "Haa...I said you don't have to help set up the summer festival. Leave it to everyone else, including myself". "Uh, but, Senpai, I'm fine. I promise that I'm not pushing myself. I've always been hard-working, but also organised. I want to help with the festival. I really do". "You're very strange, you know that? Not a lot of people would be happy receiving extra work while busy already. I wouldn't have asked if I'd known that you were pushing yourself". Again with this...I wasn't pushing myself. At least, I didn't think so. I was okay with doing hard work, especially manual labour. Workimg was like a hobby for me because I felt great accomplishment from it. I wouldn't want that taken from me, even if it does sound weird. "Senpai, I'm not pushing myself. I like working. That may sound strange, but I feel a kind of joy when I work and help out. Not just with group projects, but also with going out of my own way to help others. Seeing them smile and thank me makes me happy, ever since elementary school". I expected an odd look from Senpai, but instead he looked quite fascinated. And then quickly went back to a scowl as he sipped his tea. He let out a sigh once the edge of the cup left his lips. "Very well". He said. "You can still help out, but if I see you working to hard before that then I won't allow you to enter the festival grounds until everything is set up". "Okay, Senpai. I won't let you down. I'll give it my all and do whatever I can to help". "Hmph...". Senpai huffed, sipping his tea again. I was glad I could help. And I would definitely give it my all without failure. 

Shinji's POV??? 

Idiot fell asleep in my apartment during the later hours of the afternoon. He really has been working too hard. And I know he's been hanging out with that Kizami guy a lot. Usually after high school. When someone moves away or goes to another college, you drift apart and eventually forget about eachother. So why does he see him at least once a week? I could guess but...honestly I'd not want it to be true. I ended up sitting with Kurosaki as he slept in my spare futon. He had a peaceful expression. What he said to me earlier about helping others...that seemed like him. I just never thought about it until he said so. He's kind hearted but it's as if I ignore that. He's the kindest, most trustworthy being I've ever met. He doesn't lie, but he keeps things from me. If only he told me everything and trusted me. This guy...he's made a weirdo out of me. But...I found myself in a trance as I watched him sleep. I'm strange because of him, but...I leaned down, closing my eyes slowly. (Don't wake up). My hand pressed into the floorboards below to keep steady. (I'm strange becuase of him). I leaned closer to him, hoping that he wouldn't feel my warm breath on his forehead or hear the creak of the floorboards. He was totally oblivious, even in sleep. My personality has become a defense because of this guy. If he knew, he would have to take responsibilty for it or just tell me no, otherwise I wouldn't know what to do. I brought my nose further to his hair, his upright strands of dark hair, and inhaled softly. My ribs shuddered and my heart skipped a beat. Yes, I'm strange because of Kurosaki. I can only question what he's done to me, but I can't feel angry. He practically saved my life and any faith I had left in humanity. "Kensuke...". I mumbled, taking another inhale of his sweet and soft hair. I felt like I would go crazy. If I told him...how would that Kizami feel? What's their relationship? I needed to know! As if I could ask. But until I do manage to ask, I'll settle with being by his side like this. Would I call this love? I can't be sure. Then I really am unusual. Heh, never thought I'd say that about myself. Maybe I could say it one day and let out these weird feelings. I could either toss them away or...accept them. The second wasn't a reasonable option. But...I couldn't stop myself from taking one more inhale from his hair when he let out a small moan. Was he being...cute? What has he done to me? Shit... 

To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep....This happened, and I won't take it back... I won't apologise. Just let it run it's course...Let my made up character, Shinji have his thoughts and feelings for our main character, Kurosaki. Just wait...Be patient, dear readers. This dog will have his day...on the end of Kizami's fist, probably...(No spoliers, I promise. I have other ideas). I'm probably creating hate for this character. Aren't I? :| Also, my friend has a clingy boyfriend so...Yeah. That's why I added that in there. If you're with someone who's over-clingy, don't stick around. There's no happiness there unless you like clinginess.


	54. His Sweet Nature

Kizami's POV

I was around Nakano-chan for a week or two and still couldn't provide a lot of advice for him to start a relationship. The only advice I could offer was; "start as friends first" and "just be yourself". Aside from that, he didn't make bad company. He was just a little awkward and shy. Walking together, we looked like an odd match of aquaintances. We had a big difference in height and build, our personalities were totally different, etc, ect. It kind of felt like I was in high school with Kurosaki again. Other students often asked how we were friends when were so different, but our differences didn't matter. Kurosaki and I weren't complete opposites, otherwise we wouldn't get along at all and wouldn't have ended up dating. Despite having different interests and hobbies, different looks on life and different social lives, we ended up falling in love with eachother. Thinking about it, it does feel a little strange how we ended up becoming so close but as long as we're happy and get along fine then there's no reason to feel strange about anything to do with our relationship. 

I accidentally spaced out, almost forgetting what I was doing. Nakano seemed to notice as he waved his hand in front of my face, calling my name quietly. "Senpai? Senpai~". "Huh? Oh, excuse me, Nakano-chan". I snapped back into reality, blinking several times and rubbing my eyes. I was a little embarrassed but the only excuse I could think of was that I was tired. "It's okay, Senpai. We all daydream. It's not a big deal. I daydream a lot when I'm in the library, reading". "So you like books?" "Very much so. I read a lot when I was younger and leanred a lot about my parent's job through reading". "I see. Well, I read a lot too. It's a good way to kill time". I had hung out with Nakano a few times already. Today we went to a local fast food place so that dinner wouldn't be a huge problem later. "Um, Yuuya-Senpai, I'm kinda curious...Is this a good place for a date?" I shrugged. "It depends how casual you both are. I mean, I've gone to fast food places with my b-...lover a few times". I nearly said "boyfriend". I had to be careful of that but Nakano didn't seem to notice. "It's nice during the day if you both aren't carrying a lot of money and if you didn't plan much. It makes a nice setting after you go see a movie or go to the arcade". "You go to the arcade with your girlfriend?" "If they like the arcade, yes. If they don't it's uncomfortable for them, I assume. That's why you should be friends first. Get to know eachother's like and dislikes, set up a foundation before you feel that you like them in a romantic way. It could go both ways. She may like you, but you might prefere to stay friends and so on". I was taking educational guesses, but they seemed accurate enough. Kurosaki loves going to the arcade and we used to go a lot when we were in high school. It was quite fun, actually. Then we'd go to a fast food place or maybe a sushi bar for lunch. I guess that's what counts as a casual date in a casual beginning of a relationship. 

"How long have you been dating your girlfriend?" I didn't want to lie about having a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend, but the kid just assumed. There are quite a few reasons why I shouldn't correct him. It could embarrass him or he could have his hopes shattered. There are a lot of aspects that are similar to dating a man or a woman, but there are also quite a few differences. Sex is a big one because of different sensations and the knowledge of what feels right or wrong. There's also the difference in confidence and conversation. With a woman, a man can't talk about a lot of things and vise versa. But in same-sex couples we can talk about all sorts and it would be okay. I wouldn't want Nakano to feel uncomfortable or anything, so I can offer him a little advice on dates and things. "We've dated since high school, so it'll be three years in about a week". "Really? That's a long time. For a lot adults, you would be considering marriage by now". "Well, we're only in college. Besides, I don't really think marriage is relevant". I never have. Why does a piece of paper and a ring have to make two people happy? It won't. "You don't wanna marry your girlfriend? Or...anyone?" "No. Why can't people have a relationship, live together, have kids and grow old together without getting married?" Nakano seemed quite surprised by this. "I just...I never thought about it that way. B-but, it's a way to express your love to world". "Who cares? Everyone gets married, it's not a big deal anymore. People lose money and happiness over it. Then when they realise they're unhappy, they get a divorce which costs more money and makes your children unhappy because they need to live in two houses, or only have one parent for the rest of their lives". It was cynical of me, but despite the happiness that I've gained over the years, my thoughts on the great majority of humanity haven't changed. There's only very few of people like Kurosaki and his parents or Mitsuki and Fukuroi. The rest of the world...is rotten.

I might have caused Nakano's mood to dampen a little. It wasn't my intention, I was being honest. "Look, I'm sorry if my opinions are too much. I'm sure there are a few people who get married and are happy for the rest of their lives. But those people are patient, they don't rush into something like marriage without really knowing the person and truely falling in love with them. Understand?". Nakano gave a nod. "Putting that aside, we're all still young. Things like marriage isn't a relevant topic. You want to find a nice young lady to date, right?" "Uh, yes, but I don't know where to start". "Well, is there anyone in your class that you like?" I sounded like a high schooler, but it was an appropriate question. "I-I don't know. There are a few pretty girls, but I don't really know them". "How about when you go to the library? Is there anyone who is from a different class that you see the at the library a lot? If so, books can be a great conversation starter". "Well, there is one girl. She doesn't really talk to anyone. She just, uh...reads. I've seen a lot of guys staring at her from a distance, but she ignores them and just stares at her book as if she's really enjoying it". "I see. She's quite pretty, then?" "Uh, yeah, but she's way out of my leage". "Don't say that. If you talk to her then, who knows, you might get along like a house on fire". "Uh...". "Just a figure of speech". "I-I know. Well, I can try. Thanks, Senpai". "Don't thank me yet. You haven't done anything. But just take your time, don't rush anything". Nakano smiled, nodding in agreement. "I won't, Senapai". He gave a small bow before sitting upright again. This kid...Well, hopefully he would gain confidence and learn to move on his own. It isn't easy to admit you like someone or approuch them about it out of fear of embarrassment or rejection. It bottles up and up until it's possibly too late. Kurosaki and I were lucky to have eachother. We admitted our feelings to eachother and finally became something more than friends. But it doesn't mean that he's not my best friend anymore. For as long as we live, that will never change. 

Nakano eventually went his own way after the meal and I decided to head back to the apartment. While I was heading there, my phone went off. I was recieving a call. Upon flipping my phone open, seeing the caller ID brought a smile to my lips. I answered it, stopping by a wall in the street, leaning against it. "Hey, you". I answered. ["Hey, Kizami. What are you doing right now?"] "That's a fast question. No how are you? I missed you?" ["I'm sure you know I miss you, anyway. And you sound like you're in a good mood"]. "Yeah, I am. Anyway, I'm just heading to the apartment". ["Is that so? Well, I was wondering if you would like to meet tomorrow. You said you were hanging out with that Nakano-chan today, right? Well, why not bring him if he's free"]. I cocked and eyebrow. "Why? Do you want to help out with the whole relationship advice?" ["Yeah, that too. I kinda wanted to meet him, anyway, since you met Shinji-senpai"]. "I see. Well, I'll call him and ask. Where do you wanna meet?" ["I'll come over to Nagoya, say...3.00 in the afternoon?"] I nodded to myself. "Okay, at the usual train station in Nagoya. I'll call him immediatly after this". ["Great. See ya then"]. "Bye...". I hung up, flipping the phone in my hand closed. I honestly hoped that Kurosaki and Nakano would get along better than I did with Yoshida. They were both nice people, but I knew Kurosaki a lot better. He's a good person who isn't judgmental until he's really gotten to know someone. He's kind to everyone. I also highly doubt that Nakano judges people too quickly. He's a good kid. I would just have to wait until tomorrow to see if my expectations were correct or not. I expected them to get along, I suppose. I took a breath before opening my cellphone once more and speed-dialing Nakano's number, which I only just received recently. I waited as the phone hummed into my ear, but only forma few seconds. Hopefully...they would get along. 

I managed to invite Nakano out with Kurosaki and I since he was free until the early hours of the evening. The train was going to arrive in mere minutes when Nakano and myself arrived at the station. We sat down at one of the benches, quiet through a short period of the sitting. I found myself to be especially quiet. It was a little awkward since Kurosaki was the person whom I was dating. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to tell Nakano the truth sometime. And his reaction would be it. I would have to take it as it is and accept it. For now, I chose to keep it from him until I was more comfortable around him. We haven't known eachother that long, after all. And there's no need for me to broadcast it to every new person I meet anyway. "Hey, Senpai, what's Kurosaki like?" "Oh, uh, well...He's a good guy. Kurosaki's been my best friend since we were children". "I see. Um, do you think I can be friends with him?" Sometimes Nakano sounded like and elementary schooler, which was kind of endearing. "Sure, he's good at being sociable and making friends since he's so kind and considerate of people. I'm usre you'll get along just fine. Maybe better than we both expect". "He sounds like a great guy". I nodded in total one-hundred percent agreement. Of course the nod wasn't that exaggerated, but I did agree to that extent. Only a few seconds later did the automated voice call out to the whole station that Kurosaki's train was arriving. "This is it". I simply said, checking my cellphone for any messages that he may have left. There was one which simply said; [Almost there :)]. I flipped my phone closed and smoothly slid it into my hoodie pocket. It wasn't long before the sound of the train rumbled on the tracks of the underground. As per usual, people crowded around the edge of the platform as they waited for the train to come, slow down and then stop for them. We stayed on the bench, where I informed Kurosaki to find us. The train pulled up at the platform before stopping completely with a smooth hiss. 

With an echoed ringing, the train doors opened and the floods of people poured in and out of the train. I looked around, my gaze coming to a stop and a smile spreading on my lips as I spotted Kurosaki coming off the train. He looked on ahead towards us, a smile appearing on his lips, too. He waved to us. "That him?" "Yeah, that's him. Come on, I'll introduce you". Nakano didn't seem to have many friends, not for the longest time. Even if Kurosaki lived in a different city, they could still talk and be friends. Upon nearing Kurosaki, it was clear that he and Nakano were about the same height. Maybe Nakano was a little shorter. "Hey, guys". Kurosaki said cheerfully. "Hi, um, Kurosaki-san. I'm Isamu Nakano, Yuuya-Senpai's, uh, f-friend". He gave a short bow. Why was he so nervous? "It's good to meet you, too". Kurosaki bowed a little himself. "I'm Kensuke Kurosaki-just to give a proper intro'. I guess you already know that I've known Kizami since we were kids". "Uh, yeah. I had a close childhood friend buthe moved to china before Junior High, so I'm a little jealous". "No need to be. I'm sure that's normal". "It is, but you guys seem lucky". I guess we were lucky. Really lucky to have eachother for such a long time. "Say, I guess we can talk more while we visit the town. I hardly know the place since I've only been here a few times". "Alright. That sounds cool". "Sure, let's get going. Kizami knows quite a few cool places, but I forget where they are". This almost felt like a play-date. But we were all adults here. Nakano would probably gain more comfidence and comfortability around us eventually. Kurosaki seemed pretty comfortable already, though. Then again, this is Kurosaki we're talking about. He's just really good at making friends, after all. 

It was decided that we would take a look around a local shopping mall before getting lunch. Kurosaki suggested that shopping was a nice date, anyway. He agreed to help Nakano out when he could about dating, even though he was in the same situation as I was-obviously. "If you go shopping with someone, you can easily find out their likes and it makes good gift choices for the future". He was also taking educated guesses, it seemed, but they made sense. "Just watch carefully if you find that the girl is browsing, but don't stare to intensely, just FWY. It'll seem kinda weird. Just stand next to her as she browses isles and see what she likes the most, whether it's clothing or collectables". "Wow, Kurosaki-san. You seem to be very observant". "Which can also add up to being a good listener. If you actually pay attention to someone and just become a listener, you'll get tones more brownie points". Nakano nodded. We had stopped in one of the isles that held collectables and trinkets. I found myself looking over to one of the shelves which had many small figures lined up neatly in rows. They mostly consisted of anime characters but in a "chibi" fashion. I only recognised two or three from old Ghibli movies, the ones Kurosaki and I used to watch as children.

"I understand. I do want them to like me. I guess I just have to listen more". "But don't be a pushover about it. The girl should obviously get to know you too". "Right, of course". They both went quiet, which I didn't notice until I stopped staring at the figures. "What...?" They both smiled at me, refering to the conversation that they just had, but in their heads. "I...I'm not interested in getting one. I just...um...I recognise some of the characters, that's all". I felt a bit embarrassed because of my browsing and because of my excuse. Kurosaki seemed a lot more happy to see me embarrass myself. "It's okay, Kizami. If you want one, we won't judge you". "I don't". I said almost sternly, not wanting to lose face. "Suit yourself. Hey, Nakano-chan, did you ever watch Ghibli as a kid?" "Uh-huh, sometimes. I mostly read books but sometimes they would air on weeknds and I would sit and watch them with my Mom". I remember sitting down to watch those movies with Kurosaki. We didn't even sit on the empty sofa's. We sat on the floor, close to the small T.V and I would listen to Kurosaki clap and hum along to the theme of My Neighbour Totoro. How nostalgic. It's one of the best I have with him, although one of the most plain. I guess the most normal, easily forgettable memories from childhood can become the most important to some people. I suppose that made me one of them. 

We didn't buy much, just some articles of clothing and Kurosaki decided to buy the new issue of "Men's Buckle" which, once again, had my face on the cover. Kurosaki and Nakano ended up discussing it while we had lunch at a local restaurant. It wasn't anything big, of course, it was just affordable and served good food. "I didn't know you were a model, Senpai". Nakano seemed amazed by my picture. "I'm not. This is just...It's just some extra money, that's all. I do have a proper part-time job that pays for actual work". "We know, Kizami. It's just...you kinda suit the front cover". "I dunno". Nakano responded, catching Kurosaki's full attention. "U-um, although you suit the front cover and the clothes you're wearing, wouldn't your girlfriend be angry that other people are staring at you-especially other girls?" Kurosaki averted his gaze slightly. "I guess they would be jealous. Wouldn't you, Nakano-chan?" "Eh? I-I wouldn't be jealous. If I was a girl then possibly-but I'm not, so...". Why was this a discussion? I shook my head, looking over the magazine as Nakano held it in his hands. I didn't like looking at myself in such flashy clothes. I prefered a mirror, when looking at myself in clothing that I picked out. I don't appreciate wearing clothing that other people would never actually wear. And it's true. No one wears the clothes that are advertised in model magazines. That's the reality of it. 

We were served our meals, thanking the employee behind the counter. Kurosaki slipped the magazine back into the plastic bag he was given for it, which also contained a few new issues of his favourite manga. "Hey, Kurosaki-san, have you met Yuuya-Senpai's girlfriend?-just out of curiousity". Kurosaki looked taken aback when the questionmwas asked, but then smiled his trademark smile and answered the question. "Yeah, a few times. She's nice, very sweet". "I'm sure she is. Senpai doesn't talk about her much, but he did say that she was really cute". "Really? Yeah, she is pretty cute". Kurosaki was seemingly teasing me but he knew who my "girlfriend" was. "Of course, I don't see her in that way but, yeah, she's cute". I wasn't sure if Kurosaki was talking about himself or just making it up. "I see. Do you have a girlfriend, Kurosaki-san?" "Nah, I don't have a girlfriend". Sly, since he doesn't have a girlfriend-but a boyfriend. "I have experience, though. She was a tsundere at first, calling me an idiot whenever I did something embarrassing and blushing the whole time". Wait. "But then she became so gentle when we got closer and began dating. She was still really cute, though". That tsundere thing...I have vague memories about acting that way when we were children. Kurosaki embarrassed me a few times and I would get easily embarrassed. There's no way Nakano would figure out that it was me because of the way I am now. That tsundere persona left when I reached puberty. It ate that way of thinking alive. Now I do try to be a more gentle person around Kurosaki. 

"So, uh, what kind of girl are you looking for specifically? You've gotta have some standards, right?" "Well, yeah, but I like personality instead of looks". "That's good, that's good. Go on, tell us. We might be able to help out more if we know what kind of girl you like". Nakano gave a nod, his cheeks turning red a little as he explained. His eyes remained to the ground the whole time he described this ideal girl of his. "W-well, I'd like to meet someone kind and caring towards anyone and everyone. She won't judge me because I'm kinda short and a bit of a nerd. I'd like to talk about books with her and make her smile. It'd be nice if she liked quiet spaces where we could go and read together. It sounds lame, I know, but I just thought of that on the top of my head". There were several seconds of silence, but not in a bad tone. Kurosaki's smile remained as he patted Nakano's back gently. He raised his head at this, looking at Kurosaki with puzzlement. "Don't worry about it, then. There should be plenty of girls out there like that. Of course, everyone has different interests but I'm sure there is someone like that waiting to meet someone like you". "You think?" "Absolutely. There's always someone for everyone. You know, um..."Birds of a feather, flock together". That's the saying, right?" I nodded. "Kurosaki's right. You mentioned that girl in the library, right? How do you know that she won't date you?" 'I don't, but...". "There you go. And if that doesn't work, we'll help as much as we can. Promise". Kurosaki made that promise right then and there, smilingly an almost goofy smile. Nakano looked happy and grateful for whatever kindness we could offer. "Thanks, both of you. I'm happy to have met such great guys". "It's no problem". I guess I was happy to help Nakano. He was still a young man lookimg for love. Kurosaki and I already found it with virginity and a lack of experience in general. It was in front of us, right there. But it's not as easy for people like Nakano, especually for someone so shy. Thanks to Kurosaki's encouragement, I would definitely help however I could. 

After lunch, Nakano went his own way and it was just me and Kurosaki waving goodbye to him on the street. Then, we went our own way. "Why don't we go to my apartment for a little while? Just until you have to leave". "I have lots of time, so sure". We looked around the street to see that it wasn't occupied by many people. With that in mind, Kurosaki took the inititave to link arms with me as we walked. We could act like a normal couple now, but we kept to ourselves about it as we walked to my apartment. It wasn't a long journey, of course. There was no need to make any stops at the convenience store or anything. I suppose we both just wanted to rest in the comfort of my apartment until Kurosaki had to head back to Osaka. Sitting quietly with our legs under the table, Kurosaki looked over the issue of Men's Buckle instead of the manga he bought with it. Was he seriously more interested in that? Or was it because they wrote more about me? Ever since I started modeling for it again the sales apparently went up more than usual. Soon the summer issue would come out and I would have to wear a yukata for the camera. If they brought it up I would gladly refuse. I don't want Kurosaki to see me in a yukata until the up-coming summer festival. I wanted to surprise him and not have thousands of other people see it first. "Hey, Kizami". "Hm? What's up? Like the article they wrote? It's just buttering me up, that's all". "Yeah, they don't know you as well as I do. They describe your appearance as if it's a fanficition". I chuckled at that. Yes, the descriptions were rather exaggerated. "Look at this; "A steel, piercing gaze that makes you say...I want him, I want to be him". Pretty silly, if you ask me". I chuckled once more. Really it was just to hypnotise people into buying the clothing that's advertised every month and with every season. 

"I know that you're better than what any of these writers say. I know you a lot better, and I can prove it". "There's no need. I know that you understand me and connect with me". "But, I still wanna show you". I sighed, giving in easily. "Well, I got you something today. I'm sure you'll like it, so don't lie~". Kurosaki reached into one of his shopping bags and pulled out something small in height a width. It was a small box, wrapped up in a light blue wrapping paper with a red ribbon to tie it up neatly. From beside me, Kurosaki passed it over, leaning his head on my shoulder and watching my reaction carefully as I unwrapped it without a spoken word. I was curious as to what he got me, but also felt that he didn't have to get me anything at all. I tore off the paper and opened the small white box in my hand. With my fingers, I pulled out the gift inside. It felt slightly jagged on my skin, by also smooth in some places. These were my thoughts as I touched it for the first time without seeing it first. My eyes widened and I was briefly taken aback. When did he...? "Surprise. Do you like it? I know our anniversary is in a week's time, and we agreed on no gifts, but I wanted to get you this because...well...you seemed enjoy looking at it in the store. Must've brought back a lot of memories". In the palm of my hand was a small figure of Totoro, chubby and covered in fur but so small in size compared to the character in the movie. Kurosaki knew I was staring and thought of it as a nice gift for me. A smile crossed my lips as the nostalgia washed over me. "Kurosaki, this is...I don't know what to say". "You don't have to say anything. It's just like I said; I know you better than anyone else". I really liked this small gesture of sweet nostalgia from Kurosaki. It was really sweet. 

My smile refused to fade. With my free arm, I wrapped it around Kurosaki to hug him as best as I could. Softly I kissed his temple and the top of his head for good measure. "That's it". I muttered. "Someone's going to get spoiled during our three-year anniversary". Kurosaki giggled, leaning his cheek into my chest. "Don't do that. I'm fine as long as we're together on our anniversary. This was just...a little gift since I noticed you don't have much on your desk. I was thinking about getting a plushie, but that would be too much. Besides, you seemed like the figures the most". "That's so sweet of you. Thank you, Kurosaki. I'll treasure it". I placed the very small figurine on the table for now. It would make a nice decoration for my desk. Kurosaki would definitely get spoiled a lot on our anniversary, even if it was about us both. With such a small thing it created a large amount of happiness for me, for us both. Kurosaki loved it best when I smiled. He said so himself at some point or another. "Say, Kurosaki, I almost forgot...". It just came to mind then, what I meant to ask since we left Nakano to go in his own direction. "What do you think of Nakano?" "He's a good kid, just really shy". "That's what I thought". "It'll get better for him. He just needs confidence". I nodded in agreement. "That's what I thought too". "We'll help however we can, but there's no help like self-help, right? I mean, look at us. We didn't ask for help when we wanted to kiss or hold hands for the first time". "That's true, but we were still pretty shy, though". "Very shy. I almost miss it, the shyness. Makes us feel so innocent when looking back on it". "True. But we're not so innocent about our relationship anymore". Kurosaki snickered, obviously knowing what I meant. "Yeah, yeah. Not anymore. Not after all we've done with eachother". "Right, but you have to admit...it's still cute, right?" "What, us? Definitely. Not personally, but cute when we're together". I cocked an eyebrow, doubtful. "What do you mean? You're adorable anyway". "C-come on, don't. You'll make me blush". "See? You're blushing already. It's adorable". Kurosaki nudged my arm in his bashfulness. He doesn't like being called cute so directly because it makes him blush. But that's only one out of the many reasons why I think he's cute. 

We agreed to see Nakano again. I wanted to call him again and say that we could hang out some other time. Kurosaki recommended karaoke, of course. It was totally settled, and I could be happy that those two actually got along. Maybe they could become good friends, like I thought. Still, I wouldn't be able to tell Nakano the truth until we, me and Kurosaki, were comfortable enough to tell him something like that. I guess I did plan to tell him, just not now. I had to be patient and become better friends with him first. And I had a small feeling that we would eventually. Maybe even become equals. Yeah...I was quite confident about that, considering Nakano's personality. Kurosaki would be a good friend too because...well, he has a kind and sweet nature.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could have ended this better at the last paragraph but right now, when this comes out, I have a splitting headache and I just didn't want to leave this chapter any longer. Gaaah, I'm pressuring myself! Hope it's okay anyway. Next chapter will be their three year anniversary so it should be better, just saying. Bye, thanks for reading...


	55. Three Years Have Already Gone By

Kurosaki's POV

Three years doesn't seem like that long, but Kizami and I have been best friends for about fifteen years now. We've known eachother for such a long time, but have only dated for three years. It's gone by so quickly. That's how it seems at least. By now we know everything about eachother as friends and as lovers. I doubt that there's any more to tell or discover about eachother. Who can say, though? Things might change when we become proper adults who are going out into the wide world. We might learn more about eachother then. There will be plenty more days to come. Birthdays, Christmas' and anniversaries. But our years at college will be our last summer vacations, so we'd have to make them worth while when they arrived. 

It was our three-year anniversary since we started dating. A year, so far, was the most special for us-even though we didn't have sex yet. Now that we were of, what we considered to be, physical, emotional and mental age to have sexual intercourse things would certainly be interesting. We've done a lot so far, but not everything, I don't think. In fact, I wasn't sure. Maybe this called for more research? I looked through my options, within thought, as I made myself breakfast. Kizami wouldn't be able to visit until the afternoon. I had some time off anyway so that gave me the opportunity to prepare myself. He was going to come to Osaka, we were gonna go to a karaoke bar, have dinner at a nice place, return to my apartment to watch a movie and eat ice-cream before moving onto the bedroom. We organised everything a few nights before and stuck with it. We couldn't exactly drink alcohol at our age, and didn't plan to right now, and we didn't have a lot of money to go somewhere fancy for an anniversary. That stuff would have to wait when we were twenty-one, graduated college and had a well-paying job. We would be mature enough to drink alcohol in celebration of however many years we had been together and could go to a really nice restaurant without looking like two teens who don't belong. We do still look like teenagers a little, despite the growing facial hair and the smell of aftershave and deodorant. Yeah, we were still like teenagers, only without the wet dreams and breaking voice. 

I served myself breakfast, saying thanks before eating up. I looked forward to our date. We weren't able to visit a karaoke bar together in a while, but I think Kizami's still a little embarrassed about singing. I picked up my cellphone, multi-tasking on eating breakfast and on texting Kizami about tonight. I knew he would be up already since he's always an early riser, whether he was busy or not. [Hey, Kizami. You up?] I asked. A few seconds later... [What's the point of that question if you know I'm going to answer?] I giggled. [Just checking ;)!] I could imagine him sighing on his end, but still hiding a smile. [Did you eat breakfast already?] I asked, drinking my tea. [Yes. I actually just showered]. [Really?!] I was suddenly intriged. [Are you still naked?! D:]. I smirked to myself, wondering how he would react. [No, Kurosaki...]. I read that part and felt a little disappointed...until I read the rest, at least. [...I'm still wearing a towel]. "...!" Why the hell did I feel a nosebleed coming on?! Was he teasing me on purpose?! How to respond...[Aren't yoy cold?] What was this turning into?! [It's a little drafty...]. Gaaaaah! I felt the warm liquid exit my nose, but just from one nostril. What the hell has he done to my body? Are we at the point that picturing my boyfriend naked, with just a towel, gives me a nosebleed? He said it was drafty too-Ahhhhhhh! [Well, you should get ready. I wouldn't want you catching a cold]. [I know, thank you, Kurosaki. I'll get ready right now]. [And I look forward to our date tonight. I love you]. [I love you, too. Happy anniversary]. This yaoi conversation turned into a shounen-ai conversation so quickly! I planted my forehead onto the table, almost exhausted from all the embarrassing texts. After seconds of collecting my thoughts, I turned my head to look back at that last text. [I love you, too. Happy anniversary]. I smiled. Kizami...he was so sweet over texts. Well, he was sweet anyway, but I think he really opens up when we're not face-to-face and talking about embarrassing things. It's cute. He doesn't purposely act cute, but he is anyway-despite his awkwardness. He's already opened his heart to me in so many ways and I can't help but think he's grown over the years that we've been together. Three whole years... 

Three whole years since that evening in the boy's locker room at school. Three years since we confessed to eachother and kissed eachother. Three years since we became what we are now; lovers, boyfriend and boyfriend. Three years is such an odd number, but soon it will be four years, and then five years, and hopefully even a whole decade since that evening. I couldn't help but look back at so much. An odd number doesn't seem very special, when in actually fact, every year should count. Every year should mean something to you and your lover. That's what I thought, at least. I raised my head from the table and continued with breakfast before it would inevitably go cold, placing my cellphone down onto the table while I finished. 

I decided to go out for a while, since I had plenty of free time until the afternoon. I had to buy ice-cream, anyway. I locked my apartment door and headed downstairs, through the buildings main entrance and to the street. I only had to buy a few things, maybe a few more snacks and drinks for tonight. It brought me into a good mood just thinking about it. My destination was the closet convenience store. I usually went there if I didn't have a lot of time to cook anything during the evenings. Soon work and college would just pile up and become difficult to balance out. Plus there were preparations for the festival coming up and exams, which meant studying, a bigger workload at both part-time jobs during summer vacation and then there's wanting to spend more time with Kizami. I was determind to keep a balanced and well-organised scheduale. I would be able to do all these things during summer without having a mental breakdown. I think the most relaxing time will be the day of the festival; seeing Kizami in a yukata for the first time, visiting every stall, visiting the shrine, getting snacks, trying out games and then watching the fireworks together under the stars. That's what I was aiming for. It was the reason I was so determind to stay cheerful this summer, because I knew it would all be worth it. 

I checked my wallet before walking into the store, counting my money. I had enough to stock up on a few snacks and drinks for tonight. As I looked through my wallet for notes and spare change, my eye caught something purple sticking out between two 1000¥ notes. I looked around first, seeing if there was anyone around. There wasn't, so I looked back into my wallet and, ever so slightly, pulled out the purple thing with my fingers. My eyes widened and my face flushed. Since when did I...When did it...I gulped, quickly pushing the item back into the hidden depths of my wallet. Why was there...Why was there a condom in my wallet?! I didn't keep them in there, yet there was one just, in there! Worst of all...it looked like a...flavoured one. I don't buy those, at least I don't remember doing so. Kizami wouldn't slip one in my wallet, would he? No...He isn't that kind of guy. He wouldn't want to use that...I drew a blank in my head after silently panicking. This was too weird for the morning. I would have to look and see later if I really did buy any by accident. It would only bother me if I didn't look. But it would really embarrass me if it turns out that I didn't buy normal ones. I groaned, taking out some money and heading past the automatic, sliding doors. I decided to distract myself from the strange finding in my wallet and concentrated on picking out snacks that Kizami and I both liked. First, was ice-cream. We both liked vannilla, butterscotch and coconut. I just decided to pick up small tubs of all three flavours. We could add chocolate sauce or marshmellows in if we wanted. I put the items into the basket and looked around for different snacks and drinks. I picked up some potato chips and some iced coffee before paying at the counter. "Thanks you very much, come again". "Thanks, bye". I said my thanks and goodbye to the lady at the register before exiting, carrying a bag of snacks and such. All I hd to do was head home and unload everything. 

I entered my apartment once more, setting down the bag I had on the kitchen counter. First and foremost, I had to keep the ice-cream and iced coffee refridgerated. The potato chips were simply left inside the bag while I went into my bedroom. There was something I had to confirm, otherwise I would never get it out of my head. I kneeled before my small desk, checking the only drawer that kept my contraception. After all, Kizami bottomed too. I looked over the boxes, reading carefully. They were normal ones, the packaging coloured blue. So how did the other one get into my wallet? Kizami never goes in there, he would never invade my privacy like that-and, besides, I doubt he would slip a condom in there in the first place. So weird...Even if he did, he wouldn't be expecting to do it in any other place that wasn't a bedroom, right? No way, I was overthinking it. Even if it was our anniversary, a special time, he wouldn't want to do anythinglike that outside of the bedroom...No, that doesn't sound like Kizami. He wouldn't be comfortable, there's no way. Haah, this whole thing was just weird. It wasn't really a huge deal, it was just really unusual.

That afternoon, after taking some study time and even starting some early work, I could finally head to the train station to meet Kizami. Checking my cellphone for the time I saw that Kizami would probably already be there when I arrived. Best to hurry. I was only wearing shoes and no coat. The afternoon was warm and it would only get warmer as summer vacation approuched. Perfect weather to go to the beach or the park. I couldn' t help but plan ahead in my imagination. I did it a lot during the day; my mind simply wandering and picturing this year's summer vacation. It was getting close. Kizami had already traded scheduales with me and we organised days that were appropriate to meet and when we were working. I looked forward to every minute of it. I reached the underground, heading straight for the correct platform as I moved inbetween the crowd. Looking at a few train scheduales above it was clear that Kizami's train had already arrived. He was there already. I smiled to myself, continuing on past the many people who covered the platform floor until I finally spotted Kizami. 

He was waiting patiently for me, sitting at one of the steel benches lined across the walls that were in front of the tracks. I called out to him from arm's length, watching him react and turn his head. I walked towards him as he stood up, a smile on his lips. "Hey, Kizami. Um, how was work?" "Awful, if I'm honest. I swear, they treat me like a doll-playing dress-up with me all day and making me model". "That sounds bad. Oh, uh...". I pointed to his ear, which, to my surprise, held an circular earing on the shell. It glimmered with three green jewels engraved onto the silver. Kizami immediatly caught on. "Oh, sorry about that. It's just a clip-on, for the shoot. I forgot to take it off, I was in such a rush to get here and see you". He removed the piece of jewellery and slipped it into his open-shirt's breast pocket. As he did I studied his choice in clothing. It was as good as ever. A black open shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a dark orange t-shirt underneath and black pants with a silver chain attatched to the pocket. It suited him, in a casual sense. I just changed into a sky blue zipper hoodie, purple and blue striped t-shirt and ordinary jeans. I'm not very fashionable. I have a more casual dress sense that, apparently, suits me well, says Kizami. 

"Are we ready to go?" Kizami asked. "Of course. The karaoke bar should be open now, so let's go and sing until our voices break-again!" "Haha, I see what you mean, but you know I can't sing". "C'mon, it doesn't matter. It's all about having fun while making a fool of yourself. Besides, it's just you and me. No one else can hear us sing". "Well, you're right about one thing. No one else can hear us from the other rooms". I rolled my eyes. "It'll be great. This will be a great anniversary, no matter how casual it is. Now, let's get going before all the rooms are booked". "I don't think they'll be taken that quickly, Kurosaki". 

We booked a room at the karaoke bar, ordering drinks so that we wouldn't lose our voices singing. We agreed on staying for an hour until we planned to leave. I decided to sing first, in order to get everything warmed up and to help Kizami feel a little less embarrassed. It took a little convincing to get him to sing by himself while I clapped to cheer him on. His cheeks became bright red, it was so cute. We then did a duet, which seemed like the easiest to get into. By the end of two or three songs, our voices were a little hoarse until we sat down and took a drink off ice tea. I gulped mine down, my throat a little sore. "Haaah...Wow, that was some good singing. I think you've gotten a lot better". "You think? I don't know, Kurosaki. It's still embarrassing, but I think I'd feel worse if there were more people". "Yeah, maybe. Well, I'm the only one here and I like watching you sing. It's cute when you get all flustered". Kizami's cheeks turned pink and he looked down at a random patch of floor. He was that embarrassed. I snickered, leaning up to kiss his warm cheek in comfort. "You know, I remember when we were in high school and we got the whole group together to sing karaoke. Those were goosd days". "I guess, if you say so". "...You never sang then, ever. It was kinda sad to see you so...buried in your own sheel, if that makes sense". "It's just because I prefered to keep an image, Kurosaki. That's all. Around you I can be more open and I don't have to feel too much shame". I nodded, holding my glass of ice tea in my hand, ready to take another sip as I wasn't able to come up with a response. I was sort of glad that he thought that way, but Kizami should be able to open up and have fun around others. Although I felt honored to be the only one thar was able to see his true smile, I wish that other people can see it and smile with him. Well, this was a special day, so I was the only one allowed to see his smile, just for today. 

I gulped down the last of my drink and sighed, my throat still a little sore. "I'm, uh, gonna go order another drink. I'll be right back". "Sure...". Kizami gave me a small smile and I gave a nod, taking out my wallet so that I was prepared to hand over the money. As I pulled out some loose change, however, my fingers hit something and it slipped out of my wallet, making a pap sound as it hit the floor. This caught Kizami's atrention too as we both looked down to the floor. Upon realising, my eyes widened and my face grew hot at an i tense rate, right up to my ears. "Kurosaki, what's that?" Kizami asked blankly, as if seriously unaware. I was frozen in place, unable to find any words to explain. The condom! "Th-that...uh...Let me get it, it's just a, uh...K-Kizami, no!" Kizami reached down and picked it up from the floor, his expression as blank as paper. He studied the flat object turning it as if expecting to see something on either side. He knew what it was! But...he might have been just as surprised as I was. "Kurosaki...". "Y-yeah...?" "...". "...?" Kizami paused, still staring at the purple wrapper, and then he looked right at me-his expression still vague. "Why are you carrying around a condom? Don't you keep these at home?" "...Uh!" Why was he so calm?! Wait, so..."You didn't know it was in there?" "What? Of course not. I would never touch your wallet, nevermind look inside of it". I knew it. But, then...how did it get in there? "Kurosaki, can you please answer my question? Why are you carrying it?" "H-honestly, Kizami, I-I don't know. I don't know why I have it. I just found it". "Are you sure? What kind of weirdo would sneak a condom into your wallet? And why?" "I dunno...". I was really confused by it. Why would anyone do that? It's so random and weird. Kizami looked at the object again, and smiled. "Whoever they are, they must know you. I doubt a random person on the street would do this". "R-right, of course. But, who?" "I don't know. Maybe that's for you to find out. This is very strange indeed. But maybe it isn't so bad". I was puzzled. "How so?" 

Kizami looked at me once more, his stare a little more perverse than before. I had a bad feeling. "Perhaps we can use it". "Well, of course, but it can wait, right?" Kizami chuckled, leaning in closer to me with a shake of his head. I wanted to back off a little, but remained frozen in place. "Kurosaki, have you ever thought about...exhibitionism?" "Eh...?!" That was blunt! My face was really hot and my heart began to pound. "N-not really". "Me neither, but...". Kizami inched closer and closer to me, his hands and one knee pressing into the sofa. "We can give it a try, if you'd like. Right here, right now". Kizami's voice sounded sensual, very sensual. It sent shivers down my spine, especially when our noses touched and Kizami tilted his head to the side slightly, as if about to kiss me. "There are no cameras, just us". He slipped his big fingers over my knuckles, his breath warm on my quivering lips. I didn't move or say a word of resistance. "It would be really...". I closed my eyes, preparing for a kiss. Did I really want this to happen? Here, and now? "Really, really...hot". Kizami whispered, my heart stopping for a split second. I flinched, a pulse running through me, out of excitement. But, then...Everything stopped. 

After a few seconds of nothing; no kiss or anything, I slowly opened my eyes. "...?" Kizami was still right in front of me, a smirk on his face. And then it happened, that of which broke the silence and the hot, sensual atmosphere. "Pfft...Hahaha...". Kizami lowered his head, his bangs covering his expression as he...laughed? "Hahaha, hahahaha!" Kizami pulled away fro me, laughing. I was still frozen in place, unable to move from sheer confusion. Was he just messing with me? "I'm so sorry. Ehehe, hahaha...". Kizami has never laughed like that. It broke me away from my confusion for a moment to simply appreciate how beautiful his laugh was. However, the dissappointment and anger caught up with me. "Kizami, you're mean! Since when were you this mean?" "I apologise. That was too wonderful. But don't worry, I would never do that to you-make love in a public place, I mean. We're not ready for something so extreme". I puffed out my cheeks childishly. Why was I disappointed? "Come here, I'm sorry. It won't happen again". Kizami wrapped an arm around me in apology. I couldn't stay mad. It was just a little joke that, gladly, didn't go too far. "We'll save this for when we get home". I rolled my eyes, wrapping my arm around Kizami too and resting my head against his chest. This jerk..I love him to bits, especially now that he showed a more playful side-although a bit mean. 

Our hour was up in the bar and we left after paying. Now was the time to get ourselves dinner from a really good restaurant. However, it didn't go as planned. When we arrived, it was already full on seats. We had two options; find another place or just order take-out. By then we were both pretty hungry, so we decided to just order take-out and eat at my apartment. The place was pretty busy so it did take some time and people already left by the time we received our order. In other words, it was a bit of a let-down. So we ended up arriving atmy apartment with two bags of our orders and an apologetic side-dish of savoury tamagoyaki, or egg rolls. At least we could be in the comfort zone a little earlier. "At last, home sweet home". I said, trying to look on the bright side of things. "Yeah, I suppose. At least we can be in the comfort of your home. We can cuddle while we eat". We set down the bags on top of the table. "First, let's put on a movie, get everything ready and get cozy. Sound good?" Kizami nodded in agreement. "Here, you sit at the table andget comfortable". I guided Kizami to the table, gesturing for him to be seated. "Alright, then. How about I get a movie set up?" "Sure. The one we decided on is by the T.V, if you don't mind". We set up everything; the movie, the food, the snacks for later and some blankers to cuddle under. When Kizami had sat down at the table, I decided to set the mood a little more. I turned on a few lamps here and there before dimming the lights, or in fact turning them off completely. The curtains remained open so that the room had a little mor light. I then sat down beside Kizami, immediatly being shielded by a big blanket, which was big enough to just squeeze Kizami in with me. We huddled in close. "Comfty...?" I asked, the T.V remote in my hand to press play on the movie title screen. "Very...". Kizami simply answered, wrapping his arm around my waist. I leaned my head against his arm, pressing play before putting down the remote and replacing them with a pair of chopsticks. This was a lot better than sitting in a restaurant full of people. It would have been nice and special for an anniversary dinner, but this felt just as good. "Oh, well, maybe next year", I thought indulging in this warm moment with Kizami under the big warm blanket. 

It was safe to say that we were both full upafter both the dinner and snacks. The movie had ended and we had finished cleaning everything up. The day was nearing its end, but not just yet. "Hey, I'm gonna run a bath. We can take it together if you'd like...Kizami?" I didn't hear a response, so was a little surprised when I felt a kiss being planted on the top of my head, into my hair. I smiled, a pair of arms gently slinging over my shoulders for me to hold onto. Several more kisses were placed on my head and I decided to speak up. "Kizami...". "Hmn...?" I felt a warm breeze through my hair when he hummed in response, practically refusing to stop placing kisses. "Are you feeling a little impatient?" I asked. "So what if I am? I got myself a little worked up in the karaoke bar, as I did to you. A bath can wait, can't it?" I didn't take long coming up with an answer. "Sure it can. This is our anniversary, after all". Kizami moved his arms so that he hugged me properly. My smile grew a little wider. There wasn't much time to lose. I took Kizami's hand, leading him into the bedroom. It seemed the right time to put that condom to use. Good use. 

I was still panting and my body still felt flushed after everything. It seemed to happen so quickly but, at the same time, I savoured everything. That protection was flavoured after all, and Kizami seemed to research a few more things. I clung to him, Kizami lying on his side while I had my arms around his waist. He was panting heavily just a minute ago, but now seemed fine. He petted my back and kissed my forehead lovingly. "Are you alright now?" He asked, almost like a whisper. "Y-yeah, I think. That was...haa...Kizami, that was...". "Incredible, right?" "Why...?" I was curious about something. That something is was pushed me over the edge in ecstacy and made my body go crazy in pleasure. The heat, the sounds I was making, the mess...What did he do? "Why did that feel so...intensely good?" My legs were still a little shaky from it. It was that incredible. "I read that if you don't...touch your partner while doing "that" then it creates more stimulation and it feels really intense and incredibly good". "Really? Wow...That was amazing. Hah, Kizami". I looked up at him, cupping his cheek and leaning in for a kiss. Kizami would definitely get the same treatment the next time he bottomed. He deserved it. "Haah...I love you, Kizami". "Hm, that came out of nowhere. Are you really that happy? Okay, then. I love you too, Kurosaki". He kissed my forehead and hugged me tightly. "I love you so, so much". I hugged back with whatever strength I had left and muttered in a tired voice. "Happy anniversary...". "Happy anniversary. Here's to another three years, Kurosaki". I smiled happily, snuggling my face into Kizami's broad chest. To another three years...No doubt about that. Even with such an odd number, it didn't mean that it wasn't special. Tonight was special, and so will be the many years to come and the many more anniversaries with Kizami whether it was to be lovers or best friends. To another several more years together...and beyond that. 

Extra... 

I work part-time at a yogurt bar in town, where people come to buy a delicious yogurt and select from the many toppings at our toppings bar. I like the job, very much. It's one of the best jobs that I've ever had. Despite the previous night with Kizami, I was quite energetic and happy. Then again, Kizami makes me feel those things anyway. I was just taking out my apron to start my work when a college of mine, Itsuki-kun, approuched. "Hey, Kurosaki-san. In a good mood as always, I see". "Huh? Oh, yeah. I guess. I had a pretty good night last night". Itsuki-kun looked proud for some reason. "Oh-ho, so I suppose you got my gift then. Nice~". "What? A gift? What kind of gift?" "You know what I mean!" Itsuki gave my shoulder a light slap, winking at me. "You always seemed so happy, I thought you found yourself a pretty young lady as pure as snow. I just wanted to give you a little encouragement, just in case. After all, you are eighteen, aren't you?" "...Huh?" I stood there, processing all of that in a short span of time. Itsuki...someone I know...wanting to give me a gift of encouragement...thinking that I had a girlfriend...because I'm eighteeen. Last night...Yesterday I found a..."Eh...Ehhh?! The condom! It was you!" I was so shocked that I couldn't control my tone of voice. A few other colleges looked at us, almost frightened, before returning to whatever they were doing. "Why are you so shocked? Wait, do you not have a girlfriend?" "That's not the point!" He slipped a condom into my wallet without my knowledge! "Ohhm so you do. Right, okay. Gotcha, sorry, man. I should havejust given it to you, huh? That would have been a little less weird". "No it wouldn't!" 

And so solved the mystery of the condom...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exhibitionism...Maybe one day...Maybe one day...or maybe later? ;). I wouldn't make it graphic, though, even if I did add hints of it. Who knows? Stuff happens when they're adults and discover how extensive their romance is. So, exhibitionism, doing the do in public...it could happen in a later chapter-just not too descriptive. I might get into trouble since I wanted this to be rated M not E...Thanks for reading. Sorry if the part in the karaoke bar crushed your hopes for some hot yaoi things in a public facility. See you in the next one. Bye.


	56. Our Summer Vacation Starts Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and most of the summer vacation chapters from here on will just be cute little events, until I write about the festival. Some real business will go down afterwards. Wait and see, people. Wait and see. Enjoy!

Kizami's POV

I had just finished a shoot on one summer's day, during summer vacation. Yes, it had finally arrived after such a long wait. But, sadly, I wasn't able to see Kurosaki for the first few days. We had a lot of time to make up for already, starting that afternoon. I had just entered a private room in the studio, which was give to me as the "most popular model in several years". I had boosted sales of a few men's magazines since I started that ridiculous job again. All I cared about was the pay, so I was able to afford rent, food and maybe even a day out with Kurosaki, gifts for him too. It was worth saving up whatever I could until graduation, then I could quit and get a real job. It was becoming a problem, avoiding recognition. I wouldn't want a bunch of girls to get in the way if I was out with Kurosaki. It almost happened before, but we ended up ducking into a crowded part of town and sort of hid until they were gone. This was in Osaka, and they didn't look local. At least, I hoped not. I sighed, mentally exhausted from posing all day. I just sat on the red, leather sofa positioned against the far wall and leaned back. That camera-weilding psycho woman, Honaka-san, doesn't know when to give me a break. 

I took off the oddly decorated braclets and rings, setting them down on the end table next to me. As I looked to the piece of furniture, my eyes wandered up to the vase positioned there. I sighed once more. More roses...great. Someone in the studio doesn't know when to give up. They looked fresh, too. I can't say anything because I don't know who sent them, but it seemed clear why. It would be rude to throw them out before they withered and died anyway. That would only hurt them if they found out. ...I've become so soft, I know this, but that's only by Kurosaki's influence. I picked up a single rose from the vase upon thinking of him. I've become...such a gentle person because of him. My fingers felt ticklish against the delicate petals, as did the tip of my nose as I smelled the fragrant scent of the flower. Whoever sent them to me, I think it was kind of them...but I have zero interest. Whoever they are, I highly doubt that I'll ever be attracted to them. It made me think...I don't so much as bat an eye when a beautiful man or woman walks by or stares at me or talks to me. I have no interest, romantic or sexual. There isn't a single feeling that compares to the explosion of feelings that I have for Kurosaki, unable to be contained or erased. He seems to be the only one...The only one I can... 

My mind was brought back to consciousness when I heard a knock at the door. I quickly placed the rose back inside the vase and stood up. "Come in". I said calmly, adjusting my clothes neatly, just in case it was Hanako or one of the editors. They would only complain if they saw their precious collection slightly creased. The door opened, and the studio's intern entered, to my surprise. She smiled at me. "Kizami-kun, you have a visitor". I arched an eyebrow, refraining from asking who this visitor was. The intern backed away from the door and held it open with her hand. I was surprised-very surprised-when, of all people, Kurosaki entered the room. I didn't expect him to find me, after all. He bowed in thanks to the young lady and allowed her to close the door behind him. He faced me, a big smile on his lips. "Hey, Kizami. Surprise". He held in his hand a plastic bag which shook and crumpled as he moved even the slightest. I actually felt happy that he was here, but I also felt confused about something. "Um...Hey, Kurosak. Uh, h-how did you know where this studio was?" "Oh, uh, I did some research-just a little. I wanted to come find you before our date today. I figured that you would be tired, so I came on ahead and found you. Am I...bothering you?" My heart skipped a beat. Kurosaki was too sweet for this world. "N-no, of course not. I'm really happy you're here. But what made you think I would be tired?" "Well, you seem to complain about this job-even when you don't think you do. So, I wanted to save you some trouble and let you relax while I'm here. I, uh, brought you some water". He pulled out the bottle from the bag with a smile. However, his gaze travelled to one side as if he spotted something odd. "Oh...Y-you already have some". I looked in the same direction, seeing that a bottle of a different brand, that had already been opened, and glass had already been prepared on a tray. I sighed, looking back to Kurosaki. I reached out to him, taking the bottle of water that he brought. "I prefere this, since you went to the trouble of buying it for me. Thank you". I kissed his forehead before hugging him. I felt better, much better. "Haha, you big softy. It's just water...whether I brought it or not". Not to me. Even the smallest thing that Kurosaki did for me, even just bringing water, made me smile. Besides, the mineral water that the studio had tasted like piss. 

I pulled away from the hug, offering Kurosaki to sit down and relax. He took it up, awkwardly sitting on the edge of the leather sofa. "I'm just going to change, okay? It shouldn't take too long, and then we can go". "Wait, right in front of me?" Kurosaki looked bashful. I chuckled while he sat so awkwardly, his face turning pink. "Yeah, sorry. However, you'e seen me completely naked before. Seeing me half-naked shouldn't be a huge problem, should it? If you'd like, you can close your eyes and not peek". "Since when are you this perverted and sexy? Gah, okay, okay. I'll shut my eyes. I'd feel weird just staring at you while you change". "That's your decision". Kurosaki squeezed his eyes shut, covering them just to make sure. I couldn't possibly get rid of my smile while he was acting this way. He was so cute. I removed the designer jacket first, folding it neatly onto the second sofa to be taken away later. I slipped off the shirt, feeling the cool draft of the air conditioner over my skin. At the corner my eye, I glanced to Kurosaki to check if he would peek. Humans were curious like that and I thought he would peek a little. I kind of wanted to tease him about it. However, he firmly kept his hands over his eyes. On the other hand, he was shivering like a leaf-both curious and too embarrassed to even shift his hand away. I unbuckled my belt, the clincking sound seemingly echoing in Kurosaki's ears, which glowed a bright red. What was he thinking about, I wondered? 

I stripped myself of the pants, luckily wearing my own underwear instead of designer one's. As if they would need to add that into their magazine. I reached for my own pants and slipped them on, buckling the belt. "I'm almost done. My pants are on, so I think it would be okay for you to look". "Really? What about your shirt?" I didn't say a word, I just allowed Kurosaki's curiousity to waver and take effect. He moved his hands away from his eyes as I picked up my shirt. When he opened his eyes, his cheeks became pure red. Did he forget what my body looked like? "Haha, why are you blushing? You've seen me shirtless in the past, even before we dated. Why is it so different now?" I asked, sitting beside Kurosaki on the sofa. He kept his eyes averted from me, probably wanting to avoid accidentally staring at my torso. We weren't in bed, so why be embarrassed? Unless, that had something to do with it. "I-it is different. Back then, I never saw you full naked-not really. We took baths together sometimes when we were little, and we started doing that again when we starting dating. It embarrassed me, sure, but now....Now I can't help but think of you in an intimate way whenever I see you like this". I was taken aback slightly, but it didn't bother me for long. I placed my hand on the top of Kurosaki's head and ruffled his hair gently. It was soft against my hand. "Well...". I began, leaning in to hug Kurosaki, still bare chested. "If it's any constalation, I feel the same about you". I ran a finger up Kurosaki's arm as I kissed his red ear. As expected, it felt hot against my lips-if only for a mere second. Kurosaki finched slightly before pausing, and then forwarding his gaze back to me. We stared at eachother for a moment, right before Kurosaki took his own lead. He gave a smile before mumbling my name, leaning in closer and closer before kissing me; softly and lovingly. 

Our kiss deepened, my torso still bare. I suppose it was just the moment in thar time, mixed with Kurosaki's sweet words that made my heart melt. It seemed like we wouldn't be able to go out just yet. That's what I temporarily thought as I lowered Kurosaki down onto his back, my tongue pushing against his in an almost aggressive, but loving, manner. Kurosaki cupped one side of my face while the other ran through my hair. I didn't plan to do anything too intimate, not that day. Neither of us did. We were both tired anyway, so we shared a deep kiss and nothing further than that. But if anyone were to catch us in the act...Frankly, I'm not sure what would happen. However, the thought was quite exciting. If someone were to walk in and see us like this, kissing deeply like a couple of teenagers...It was really exciting. I licked his tongue and lips, gaining a faint sweet taste-like mint. It was rather pleasant. Maybe he felt nervous about his breath and decided to eat a mint or chew gum before coming. I didn't think that way as all I could taste was mint, nothing foul or disgusting. There was simply mint, and Kurosaki. I did pull away eventually, my lungs feeling heavy. Kurosaki panted as I did, his cheeks a soft shade of red under my silhouette. He put on a smile, his hands meeting on either one of my cheeks, caressing them. "Your skin is so soft". He commented this out of nowhere, but it was nice to hear from him nonetheless. "Your skin is too, but that's just because of our activities in the bedroom". I whispered, as if someone else could hear. Kurosaki giggled in response, his cheeks growing redder by my words. Sexual intercourse is said to be good for the skin. At least, that's what I read.

I sat up, leaving Kurosaki to lie down if he wished. He did, actually watching me as I put on my shirt. But, not long after I began buttoning it up, the couch creaked underneath me-gently-as Kurosaki sat up. "Are we going now? Do you have anything else to do, though?" I shook my head. "No, nothing. We can go, and then return to kissing some more later". I was feeling confident about that, getting back to holding Kurosaki in my arms and kissing him as much as possible, in as many places around his face-not just his lips-as possible. "So, are we still going there, as planned?" I asked, standing. Kurosaki sat up as he answered. "Uh-huh. There shouldn't be too many people around this time since the weather's a lot cooler". "That's good. Ready to go, then?" I held out my hand to him and he took it, standing to his feet. I let go once we walked to the door, so no one could see that we were a couple, and grabbed my bag. Nobody was occupying the hallway anyway, so I wouldn't have to bump into Hanako or anyone else. I walked out, Kurosaki following next to me. There was a place we decided to go, just to relax with eachother. There was a similar place in Osaka, where Kurosaki even worked part-time, and he suggested that we go. It was a yogurt bar, but this one in Nagoya was a little bigger and had reccomendations for toppings. Kurosaki wanted to see what it was like, so we decided to head there for a small date. Nothing incredibly special, just nice and relaxing for the afternoon. 

Kurosaki looked around a litte prior to actually making ourselves yogurt. "Wow, this place is a lot bigger than the one I work at. They even have lists of topping ideas that seem pretty extravagant". "I wonder if there's one like this in Tokyo". "Geez...Well, no point just looking around. What flavour do you want?" Kurosaki asked as he picked up a cup from the stack provided. I picked up a cup, too, feeling a little hesitant. "I suppose just vannila for me". "Okay. I'll have~...Strawberry". Our cups were filled with the thick yogurt, only just over halfway. The rest was for the toppings, which we headed too. Kurosaki looked quite curious and excited to pick out a concoction of toppings from fruit to sweets. He was like a child, which was quite endearing. He still had a fair relationship with his inner child, but I suppose quite a few adults come into places like yogurt or ice-cream bar's. Speaking of which, this place was both. They had enough room for it, after all. "I'll have...mini marshmellows," Kurosaki shoveled up a few marshmellows with the utensil provided and emptied it into his cup, as well as a few other things. "Sprinkles and...oh, and some strawberry sauce". Strawberry and strawberry, huh? I looked to the toppings without a specific decision in mind. There was plenty that could go with plain vannila, but I didn't want to overdo it. Some chocolate chips would be enough, and maybe some chocolate sauce to mix in. Kurosaki didn't say a word or share an opinion about my plain choice. He just smiled, taking out spare change to pay for his dessert. He understood that sharing an opinion, in this situation, didn't matter. I chose what I wanted and he didn't care. I'm sure plenty of other people would ask why I chose something so simple, but not Kurosaki. 

After paying, we received our plastic spoons and even napkins, just in case. Together we walked, eating and savouring each sweet bite. Kurosaki looked very pleased with his choice. "Mmm~So good! But it's not as good as the freshly made yogurt in Osaka. Still, it's pretty tastey. How's your's?" "It's good, I have to admit. The cold helps a lot, since it's still pretty warm". "And it'll only get worse. Hey, next time, let's get ice-cream. But! I'll make your's and you make mine". I chuckled. "What's the point of that?" "It could be fun. I'll make all the flavours represent you, and you do the same for me. What's the worst that can happen?" "A silly argument". I answered with a straight face, slipping a spoonful past my lips. "Hehe, well, I doubt that. We haven't had a fight yet, and I doubt they have an option for parsely, so I think we'll be okay". "Hm...". I hid a smile. Kurosaki knew me so well that he could make jokes, knowing I wouldn't get offended over silly things like that. Yes, I'm weak to parsely or anything spicy for that matter. And that's where the joke lies. 

"Ah, there's some seats over here. We can just relax now". Kurosaki stopped for a moment upon finding the bench chairs. We seemed to have wandered near a park. "Okay, then. Let's take a rest". We sat, enjoying our desserts there. "Mmn, this is so good. Hey, Kizami, want some?" "Uh, oh...No thank you. That's yours, after all". "It's okay. Come on, don't be shy~". Kurosaki took out a spoonful with a single marshmellow sitting at the top, almost sinking. "W-wait...". "Here comes the airplane~". I was a little hesitant and embarrassed that he would feed it to me, so I was tempted to turn my head away. But Kurosaki stopped, letting out a laugh. "Hahaha, just kidding". I sighed deeply. Seriously? "Still, try some. It couldn't hurt". Kurosaki past the spoon to me, which made it easier. We were in public, after all. I looked to the yogurt for a moment before slipping the spoon past my lips in defeat. To be honest, it was pretty good. "Good, right?" "Yeah, it is". I said after swallowing. "Here, you try some of mine". I scopped some up, passing the spoon to Kurosaki. He slipped it past his lips too. "...?...! Holy crap, it's good!" Kurosaki covered his lips in surprise. Wait, something as plain as that? "I guess they do a pretty good vanilla yogurt, it almost tasted like ice-cream". "Do you think there's much difference?" Kurosaki shrugged, continuing with his own yogurt. "I guess not. Yogurt's thicker, I guess?" I nodded. The conversation shifted to a random place, so I thought to just cut itmoff with a silent nod. But something else came to mind as we sat there, something just as random. However, since Kurosaki brought it up, it peaked my curiousity. 

"Kurosaki, what kind of ice-cream would you make for me?" I asked, staring down at the half-empty yogurt cup. "Hm? Oh, I dunno. It would be...kind of complicated" I looked to Kurosaki, feeling puzzled. "Complicated? How so?" "Hmm...how do I put this? I suppose the flavour of the ice-cream would be...ah! Coffee". I arched an eyebrow. "Why...coffee?" "Cause you're really hard to approuch sometimes and people mostly try you because they prefere coffee from tea". Tea? Was he talking about ice-cream, people or both? Anyway, am I really hard to approuch? Kurosaki must have seen a weird expression on my face so he continued with an almost frantic tone, at first. "Oh, but, you're not like normal coffee that plenty of people try on a daily basis. It's ice-cream coffee, you're special. But since I'm making it, there would be plenty of marshmellows, chocolate and vanilla at the bottom of the tub. It doesn't mix well together, the coffee and the vanilla, but once you get to that part you realise how good it is. Sweet and totally irrisistable. Despite the coffee at the top, you strive to get past it and get into the center of sweet things that make you smile without fail. That's the kind of...person you are". I was in shock, my eyes wide and my jaw dropped slightly. My body was stiff but my heart raced. Kurosaki was in a sort of trance while he said all that, right before he fell silent. That was so cheesy and lovey-dovey, but...I felt so flustered. Kurosaki covered his lips with his hand, his cheeks clearly a bright red. "Ah, i-ice-cream. I meant....that's your type of ice-cream. I, uh...Sorry. I got carried away". 

The silence fell on us both. After just a few seconds, however, my embarrassment drifted away like a cherry blossom in this summer's breeze, and inched closer towards Kurosaki. "Okay, fair enough". I responded, not holding back a smile. Kurosaki looked at me when he noticed my approuch. "Want to know what kind of ice-cream you are?" "...". Kurosaki didn't speak, as if he couldn't utter a single word. Everything was just silently refusing to come out as woeds as he sat still. Without shame, or the conscious feeling that we were in public, I touched the tip of our noses together and spoke softly. "You would be the type of ice-cream that's made up of all kinds of sweet things. Strawberry, vanilla, chocolate with sprinkles on top. Totally irrisistable and amazingly sweet. Easily loved and...probably my new favourite". "...U-uh, are you talking about people or ice-cream still?" I chuckled, feeling a little embarrassed from my words, but it wasn't worth caring about. I kissed Kurosaki's sweetened lips. He didn't pull away or resist. I didn't expect him to, despite my embarrassing words. Our lips touched very softly. I didn't intend to go as deeply as a soft peck, although this one felt softer than just a "peck". I seemed to linger for a second, the wet sound of our lips resonating between us-and only us. Even if there were other people, who would care? We were like any other couple, who were in love. I licked my lips subconsciously, tasting the sweetness of Kurosaki's lips once more. "Are you nearly finished?" I asked, to break the silent tone. "Oh, er, yeah. Almost. You?" "Yes. Afterwards we can go back to your apartment and spend the rest of the afternoon together". "Okay, sounds good. We can even go back to kissing, if you'd like". "Of course". This was where our summer vacation really started, our simple date together. There were plenty more to come while we were away from college. We just had to make the most of them, right until the festival. The festival would be the best part of it all. We both looked forward to it, greatly, and nothing would get in our way, aside from work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I released this chapter before the next chapter of For You I Would Change. I know, to anyone who reads both this and that. I decided not to pressure myself on it. To be honest, I've almost finished that anyway so I won't pressure myself into writing chapters as a schedule. So I'm updating this and I should update the other story afterward. I'm not giving up on it. I swear.


	57. His Selflessness

Kurosaki's POV

It was around the sixth day of summer vacation and I heard that students from the college were already making preparations into constructing stands and such, while later on, nearing the summer festival, people would be building the different games and making up food for other stands. Senpai had just invited me to his place in order to explain some tasks that I would have in order to help out. I headed over there as soon as I could in the morning, after picking up some groceries and filling my fridge and cuboards once more. I knocked on his apartment door and waited for an answer. Within ten seconds, or perhaps a little shy of that, the door opened and there stood Shinji. "Good, you're here. Come on in and I'll give you the stuff". "Stuff...?" I questioned, entering his place and taking off my shoes at the entrance way. I immediatly noticed that he had cleared some furniture, pushed aside to the corners of the apartment to make room in the middle. That's where he led me to. In the center of the floor were several huge strips of paper with writing across them, along with some beautiful illistrations. I'm no art expert, but it seemed like they were all done by the same person. "Now...". Senpai began, but, "Did you make these?" I interupted in question, wanting to know if Senpai was secretly an artist. 

He sighed in a way that said "they're not that good, don't explain to me that they are". I could already sense the modesty from the look in his eyes and that sigh. "Yeah, now, can we move on?" "Huh? But, they're really good. I like the style of the writing and the little drawings of the cherry blossoms and everything. You could be an illistrator for books or maybe an actual sketch artist". I was getting ahead of myself, buttering up Shinji as sincerely as possible. He looked...surprised by my chosen words and compliments. Maybe he hadn't heard such things before? He cleared his throat, continuing as if to ignore me. "Anyway, I would appreciate it if you put some colour into these signs-neatly done and not too garish". "Huh...?" Even though the job was right in front of me, I didn't expect it to be given to me. I offered to do manual labour for the festival, or even cooking or baking. I'm no painter. However..."O-okay, Senpai. If you say so". He looked to me, and I must have had a weird look on my face. I must have for him to say...what he said. "Look, don't take it the wrong way. I'm glad that you're willing to help, but...I have reasons as to why I gave you something so relaxing and easy". "Well, why? I can do any work you give me, Senpai. I can try my best and help out in any way I can". "That's not the point I'm making. I wanted you to do this because...well, I believe your education is more important". "Huh...?" "Don't just "huh" me. You have quite a few assignments, don't you? Reports and such. There's also your job, too. If I give you something that will tire you out then you won't have time to finish and you won't have time to yourself. So that's why I'm also only giving you two parts to do. That way it's fair". 

I was a little disappointed, but I was determind to do whatever I could. And only giving me two signs to paint? What would I do once I finished? "Senpai, everyone else has their education to think about too, and I want to do as much work to help out. So, let me take care of all the signs. I'll work on them on different days so thar I'll have time to do my assignments and my job. It'll be fine, so just trust me". Shinji appeared to be debating this in his head, wondering if it would be okay or not. Then he seemed frustrated. "You know what, go for it. But if it's too much, give some back to me and I'll have someone else finish the rest. Sound good?" "Yes. I won't let you down. I'm not much of an artist, and I'm not entirely sure why you gave me this job...but I think I can manage. Are there any designs or colours you have in mind? I don't wanna mess it up, after all". "Well, okay. I did print out some ideal designs. I'll go get them". Senpai left for his room and I stood quietly, waiting for him to return. I was happy to help, even though I would have wanted something that involved a little more work. But I shouldn't have underestimated this. I tried not to and I tried to make the most of it, but... 

"This is harder than I thought...". I sat in my apartment with the first sign in front of me, on the floor. I had to take a very old sheet, left here by the old tenements, for the floor in case I made a mess. I didn't want to do that, otherwise I would let Shinji-Senpai down. A lot of the signs were supposed to be painted in calm colours such as beige and cream. In addition to the designs he printed off, he gave me a list on how to make the colours. They were pretty straightforward and easy instructions to follow, so what was the problem? Well, I was worried. I never really painted when I was younger. I wasn't fantastic at art at school. The only thing I enjoyed was fingerpainting in kindergarten. This was...stressful. What if I made a mistake? Went out of the outlines-or made the paper lumpy? It was thick card for paper, but it didn't mean that it wouldn't go soggy or something. I placed down the paintbrush, the dry, un-used paintbrush, and sat quietly with my arms crossed. I had to finish all of these, all five signs, before the festival. I couldn't make any mistakes or ruin Shinji's amazing artwork. Yes, this was a lot harder than I thought. It was like I was trying to solve an equation in my head, without a calculator. I was frozen, unable to come up with a correct solution to the problem. I took a deep breath, afraid that I would get a headache from doing this. Maybe I just needed to clear my head. My body moved on its on as I reached for my cellphone. I began texting Kizami, thinking that it might make me feel better. It did once he replied to my message. [Hey, Kizami. Sorry if I'm bothering you. Text back if you're not busy, otherwise I'll leave you be]. It made me feel calm when I heard the familiar buzz. [No, I'm not busy. I was actually just thinking of calling you. Do you want to meet up later on?] This was where I was at a cross-roads. It was either (a). Decline and actually do the work I was given, or (b). Go out with Kizami and forget about the work for a little while until I feel more relaxed to do it. Haah, the second option sounded so good. 

Fuck it, I said to myself, texting back. [Sure. I guessmI just wanna see you today]. It seemed like a nice idea. If we went later I might be able to get some work done before then. [Okay, maybe we can dinner later. How about we meet as usual, say five?] Five o'clock. Deal. I agreed to it and said our goodbyes before I shut off the phone. This gave me some motivation to at least get a little work done. I was careful as can be, painting the cherry blossoms and flowers in a light pink before adding some shade. It looked pretty good already-the flowers, I mean. I just wasn't sure about the writing. Maybe I could do it after all, I just needed to be careful. But that sounded easier said then done. I tried anyway, taking careful strokes with the paintbrush and following the design that I was given. It took some time just to do one letter, without shading. I managed fiur letters before having lunch and then went back to the sign. I had to do five of them with their own design and colour. So far, I had only managed one sign and a bit before I had to leave in order to meet Kizami. Where had my motivation gone? There was nothing I could do until I had to go back home and finish off at least two signs. I wanted Senpai to have them as quickly as possible, so maybe he could trust me with a little more work without worrying about my studies. But it made me wonder if I should focus on my studies more, as much as I didn't want to stop working on projects for the festival. I didn't want to worry about it while I was out with Kizami, but he would probably tell me to focus on my education. I always try to listen to Kizami because he's very smart and responsible. Hah, I would need to figure something out soon. But just for then I wanted to see Kizami and place it out of sight and out of mind. 

We met up and shared greetings. But...Kizami looked a little tense, physically. "Kizami, are you alright?" "Yes, I'm fine. Just a little stressed. That's part of the reason why I wanted to see you". "Really? Well, okay. We still have time and quite a few restaurants around here are only just opening, right?" "That's right". "Why don't we go to a bath house so you can cool down and relax?" It was a quick idea, but I kinda needed it too. "Oh...um...". "It'll be fun, too. Come on". Kizami was a little skeptical; I could see that. But then he nodded and said okay. There was a place nearby that wasn't very pricey. Afterwards we could get dinner. It was a plan until I had to go home. A nice, relaxing evening with Kizami. However, he seemed more stressed than I was. I couldn't help but wonder why, but refrained from asking in case it was something personal or to do with work. I wanted him to clear his head, whatever was bugging him to just disappear for tonight. I didn't know what it was, I just didn't want to see him so tense. 

We visited the bath house, which didn't have a lot of people. Possibly because it was a weekday and everyone was working. So, for a while, we got a spot to ourselves. After cleaning up, I got into the water first. It was relaxing and seemed to just melt my tension away. Then Kizami got in, keeping a physical distance from me. He covered himself up with his legs, as if this was his first time being naked in front of me. It was a little concerning. "Are you okay?" I simply asked, resting my crossed arms along the side of the square bath. "I'm okay, just a little drafty". "Then come closer, don't be shy". "But if I come closer...". Kizami didn't finish his sentence. He just lowered his voice until silent, right before he crept closer towards me, nervously. He sat still, covering himself up. "Are you embarrassed?" His cheeks were a little red. "No, not at all. I'm just a little flushed". I thought he felt drafty. "Do you feel dizzy already?" "Um, no". "Here, I'll make the water cooler for you". I did so, running cooler water into the bath. If anyone else joined, surely they wouldn't mind. "Thank you. That feels better". "No problem. Gosh, whoever was in here last must be peeling their skin right now". "Ew...Don't say that". "Haha, sorry, sorry. It must be the case, though. The water was pretty hot. But, do you feel better?" "Much better. Thank you again". The water did feel better now that our skin wouldn't dry up. We sat there, soaking in the warm water until we thought of leaving. Might as well make it last, though. For a change, we visited a vegan place in town. Neither of us were vegan, but it sounded like a nice change. The food was pretty good too, so we had no regrets. I checked if Kizami was feeling okay, as his cheeks were still looking red. He just said it was heat and not illness or anything like that. He wasn't sick or dizzy from the baths, apparently. Something told me that he was being honest, but then again he wasn't telling the whole truth. I only found out what was wrong that night, later in the evening. 

Returning to my apartment, Kizami seemed to relax slightly more. It worried me that something really was wrong, though. I opened the door without a word and led us both inside. As I closed the door, however, any ease that I felt for Kizami suddenly turned upside down in a matter of seconds. I turned away from the door and immediatly felt Kizami's lips push against mine, forcing me to back into the door out if surprise. His skin felt flushed again. He was...excited. Was he waiting for this the whole time? There didn't seem to be a question anymore since he had already pounced. Our lips moulded together, parted slightly and conncected by our tongues. It was already getting heated, especially the moment when Kizami took my hand and pulled it towards him, rolling his hips. "Haah, Kurosaki...I'm sorry. I tried, but I can't hold back anymore. The heat is killing me". He buried his face into my shoulder, rolling his hips and moaning softly. My face began to heat up. Kizami never acted like this. It was very, very rare to see him so desperate when it came to anything sexual. So he was holding back all day. It must have been torture. "Wanna go into the bedroom? I'll do it tonight". I muttered, petting his back with my free hand. I felt movement on my shoulder. A nod, or a few. I didn't understand what brought this out of him, but I bet he would explain once he felt better. Kizami took my hand, walking to the bedroom without hesitation in his steps. That is, until he suddenly stopped. 

I was a little confused due to his actions just then, but my eyes went to whatever he was looking at. "Kurosaki, what's that?" It was the project Shinji gave me. "Oh, it's for this year's summer festival. I was given some signs to paint, but it's a lot harder than it looks-quite stressful". Kizami sighed deeply, turning towards me. "Don't you have a lot of schoolwork to do? You were ahead in your class so you got extra, right? Why are you not doing that?" Kizami crossed his arms, waiting for a response. "Eh...Honestly, I, uh, haven't started yet. I've been busy with so much that it kinda got to me and I haven't really started it". "I'm going to kill Yoshida". He mumbled. I didn't mention him, yet Kizami knew that Shinji gave me the project? He was sharp, somehow taking a really good guess or just from knowing me. Yoshida is the only person I frequently talk to and was in charge of giving people jobs, so...that's how Kizami knew? Kizami had red cheeks and seemed to have built up a lot of unwanted steam since this afternoon. But..."Go do your assignments so that they're finished. I'll do this project". "Wha-...But, Kizami...". "No buts. I want to help you, but your education is more important. I can't do the assignment for you, but I at least want to help ease the weight of your work. Right before I punch that bastard Yoshida in the face". "Eh! Don't be mad, Kizami. I volunteered to do all of this". "That's because you're too kind. Now, go do your work. Is it alright if I...use your bathroom first?" "...Yeah, of course". "Thank you...". Kizami walked off, disappearing into the bathroom. And I know that it wasn't to use the toilet. I felt bad. Kizami needed to blow off steam and I couldn't help. I wanted to make it up to him. I promised, then and there, that I would. 

I left my bedroom door open a little while I worked on my assignments and reports. I could see Kizami work through the signs, using the paints and such. I really felt bad. This was kind of ruining the date we were having, and things were just getting heated between us. Of course, I was pretty grateful that Kizami got me to do my work while he finished off at least one part of the project, but...What he did, what he held back for god-knows-how long...I felt bad. Trying not to get distracted, I continued. The reports and such weren't so hard. Once you get used to writing them, it's as easy as counting to ten. In other words, ridiculously easy. But I was just preparing for the next exams. While I worked, I heard the floorboards creak near me. I raised my head towards the door, where the nose came from. The door slid open more and Kizami came through. I was a little surprised until I saw the glass in his hand, and the blanket in the other. The glass containedm what looked like, iced tea. He placed it down on my desk and draped the blanket over my back and shoulders. "Here, just to help you feel more relaxed. It helps me, too. Try your best, okay?" He was being sweet, and had calmed down after his long visit to the bathroom. I never asked about it. It didn't seem like something to talk about. "Sorry that I borrowed your kitchen without permission". I smiled, kissing his cheek. "Don't worry about it. In my house, you don't need permission to use the kitchen or anything. Think of it like a second home if you'd like". "Thank you. Work hard and...I love you". Kizami got up after saying that. I blew a kiss to him before he turned around and left, heading back to the project. He was always so kind, even after he just told me off about my work. My motivation was back, but that didn't mean I couldn't feel tired. 

I managed to finish most of my work, so that it was done and out of the way. I could finish the rest another day. I yawned, my eyes watering slightly until the yawn past. I stretched, the blanket around me falling to the floor. I looked out into the living room. Kizami was still working. As I stared out...I could no longer take the guilt. I had to make it up to him. I headed into the main room, and sat next to him without a word. "Are you finished?" He asked in a tired voice. "Uh, yeah. Mostly. I'll get the rest done another day, but it isn't a lot". "Good. That makes me feel better about your studying. I know I sound like a mom, but I just want you to do well and be happy". "I know you do, but you didn't have to help me out". "Speaking of which,". He went off topic, just out of modesty, I assumed. "How does it look?" I looked to the signs that were done, three in total and the fourth which Kizami was currently doing. Kizami seemed to have improved them from the origional design. They weren't too bright and colourful and fit the theme perfectly. "These...are amazing. I never knew you could paint so well". "It wasn't my favourite subject, but the teacher seemed to like my work during school". "What did you get in art?" "I got a B". "Gold star...Wow, this is great. I could never have done this". I was truely impressed. I just wondered what Senpai would think. He may like it, despite the fact that it wasn't the original design. "You don't have to do anymore, Kizami. Thank you very much". "It's no problem. I'm sure you feel a lot better now". "I'm kinda tired, but, yeah, I feel like a huge weight was lifted from my chest. All thanks to you". I leaned in to kiss Kizami. As I went for his cheek, I felt something tinglym ticklish and wet nick at my nose. I gasped, pulling away. Kizami chuckled, holding a small paintbrush in his hand. "You jerk. What was that for?" "You don't need to thank me for this, Kurosaki. That's why. Plus, the temptation was there". I furrowed my brow, but smirked. "Alright...So I guess you won't be mad if I-did this!" Quickly grabbing a spare brush from a bowl of paint, I swiped it across Kizami's cheek. He flinched, and then chuckled before swiping his again. It hit my chin. I gasped and giggled, getting into a playful fight of painting eachother. We laughed about it, making a mess of our shirts with every miss until I made a brave move and got on top of Kizami. 

I dabbed the brush on his nose and cheek while holding down his shoulder. "Wah-stop it! Kurosaki! Haha, seriously!" We were both tired, but this moment...It was just brought out from us both. Then...And then we both froze with smiles across our lips. Our chests heaced slightly, although not breathless. My smile faded, Kizami's too. Although covered in dots and spots of paint, I couldn't stop the heaviness in my heart. I wanted to thank Kizami properly. Leaning down, I kissed Kizami. Luckily there was no paint on his lips, but I could smell it on his skin. I ignored it, sweeping my tongue over his bottom lip before entering his mouth. I pulled away from the wet kiss, licking my own lips. "Haa, Kizami...Wanna go to the bedroom?" "...I...Are you sure? You look tired?" "I don't care. I need to make it up to you for giving me a little push in doing my work and helping with the project. Besides, you held this in all night, didn't you?" "I have it out of my system now, but...". Kizami paused, but then made up his mind, seemingly when his arms snaked up my back and pulled me close to hug me. "I...do want to do it with you. It's been a while, so...Go ahead". It's been a while since Kizami bottomed. Maybe that's why he was so flushed and in wanting. It was only right to make him feel better, even if he got it out of his system earlier. I needed to make him feel good. But first, maybe a quick shower to get the paint off. 

It was strange...This had never happned before. I lay on my back, after all the intimacy, and Kizami rested his head on my chest as we conversed. He looked so comfortable. I petted his hair, the sheets of the futon rustling and shifting from where his feet were. His were curling at his own comfortablilty. "How do you feel?" I asked in a quiet voice. "Much better. I honestly don't know what came over me today. I was just thinking about us and it turned into...heat and want. I didn't...touch myself. I try to keep myself from doing that. Today was the first time I ever...". "I'm sorry, Kizami. I'm sorry that I burdened you". "No, not at all. I'm just glad that you got your work done and that I don't feel like some kind of sex-deprived animal anymore". I giggled at that. It didn't sound like Kizami at all. But I suppose that's what he felt like. "Do you still do it?" "Still...?" I acted shocked by that, almost offended. "Haha, come on, don't lie. I know you used to, although not for me". We both fell silent. That was before we started dating and when I just discovered "it". But I had a little secret. "You know, I actually stopped when we started dating. I just...never did it again". "Is that so?" "Yep. I never saw you in a sexual way then, so I didn't do it. But now...uh...I-I do". My voicd became quiet until I shut up completely by my own will. Kizami, however, heard it. Oh, he heard it. He raised his head, lifting himself up. Resting on his elbow, holding his chin with his balled up fist, he smirked at me. "Wh-what...?" "You're such a little pervert". My face grew hot at his hushed comment. "Wah-...Y-yeah, I'll admit that I'm a bit pervy-but what about you?" Kizami seemed to think for a moment, but then nodded in agreement. "Yeah, but only becuase you made me into one". He chuckled, hugging me and burying his lips into the side of my neck. "Don't blame me for your perverersion". I smiled, giggling and hugging Kizami by the nape of his neck as he snuggled and nuzzled me. I guess we were both perverts now, although it wasn't in Kizami's character. I didn't mean it, actually. Kizami's more loving and gentle and sexy when it came to this stuff. He wasn't a huge pervert, except for the time that he teased me about sleeping together in a room at the karaoke bar. Kizami was so selfless, in his own way. He always thought about me, if not others. That wouldn't change, not since he begen to share his caring side. No, that wouldn't change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm not describing any of the sexy scenes at all, but...it may come up later. I might...do that...in another...chapter. Possibly. Yes. I will. For sure. Don't worry. It's planned. Good.


	58. His Likes and New Hobbies

Kizami's POV

We were in the library, Nakano and I, but he seemed to spend most of the time focusing on his books. Classes had ended and we headed straight for the library. Supposedly, the woman he liked was there. There were quite a few people in the library, but I saw no one sitting alone. That's just a habit for people in our age group or younger. I didn't notice any girl, sitting alone. It was odd since he described her so vividly. I glanced to Nakano before sighing and properly looking his way. He was reading his book with a relaxed smile, like he was really enjoying it. He didn't raise his head once, which made me assume that the girl wasn't around today. That made things a little easier since I had a date with Kurosaki later and I could just leave without having to convince Nakano to talk to anyone. I looked back at my book, reading the contents to try and kill time until five in the afternoon, when Kurosaki would arrive in Nagoya. However..."Nakano, is she not coming?" "Huh? O-oh, I guess not". He had finally looked uo from his book and then towards the rest of the library. "I don't see her, which makes me kinda sad, but a little relieved. I guess I'm just happy hanging out with Senpai". "...". I said nothing to that. He didn't seem all that disappointed that she didn't come to read. I found it odd. That is until several students left the library. You could hear the doors opening...and remaining open for a few more seconds? It closed, but I didn't see anyone right away. That is, until I peered over. A girl, around our age, with dark navy hair walked in. She looked around, a book under her arm, before finding a secluded spot in the library. She sat, alone, and opened her book to read. 

She seemed like a perfect match. I tapped Nakano's forearm to gain his attention. He looked up to me in curiousity and then shifted his attention to the girl, who he didn't even notice as she entered. He immediatly froze, which I almost didn't expect. He was so calm before. Maybe having me there gave him a build up of confidence which came crashing down the moment he saw her. He immediatly turned back to me, but didn't look at me. "U-uh...Um...I...". His cheeks practically glowed bright red, sweat visibly running down his temple. He was stammering and tripping over his non-existent words. Nakano just mumbled incoherently, whatever he wanted to say was getting stuck in his throat. I thought of something, but it would probably make his emotions overflow, more than they currently were under the circumstances of simply seeing the girl. Screw it, I thought. If he didn't grow a pair then, he never would. "So? Why not go talk to her? Say hi?' "Uh! H-huh...?" He seemed...confused. He seemed to have expected something different? I didn't fully understand his reaction myself, but persisted anyway. "Talk to her, bond over the book she's reading. You said you both like the same books, right?" "Eh...Uh, y-yeah. I did. It's just...I really am, uh, nervous. I've never talked to a girl before. It's a new thing for me that I'm not entirely comfortable with". "That's fine, but isn't it now or never? I'm not telling you to ask her on a date. Say hello, ask about the book and see if you've read it. It starts up a conversation and, who knows? You could end up talking about all sorts". Nakano lowered his head shyly, his blush fading. "I-I see. Um, well, if you say so. I'll follow your lead, Senpai". "Good. Just try not to come off too strongly and don't make random stuff up about yourself. I've gotten to know little things about you which are perfectly normal. If you're lucky, she'll talk about them with you. No harm in that, is there?" 

Nakano seemed to...envy my confidence. There wasn't a lot there, as the only person I've really been this confident around, recently, is Kurosaki. I act quiet and still in front of other people, and I was really embarrassed during the first days of our relationship, but I've become a lot stronger, emotionally, because of Kurosaki. Maybe the same could be said for Nakano if he came out of his shell more. If he really does like the girl, then there's no harm in trying. "Listen, once you do go talk to her, you can't look to me for advice. If everything goes well, tell me when you can. For now, I have to leave to meet up with Kurosaki. Will you be okay?" He was silent for several seconds before nodding gingerly. Taking a deep breath, Nakano stood up from his chair and slowly made his way over to the girl. I never thought he would go immediatly after I said that, but I guess it really was a now or never situation. As he drew closer to the girl, who kept her eyes on the book in her hands, I stood up myself and grabbed my bag. First I would check-out my book and then head out. I rarely took out fiction from the library, but Nakano recommended it and I trusted hus opinion on books. The librarian was a young woman, most likely a student who volunteered to work in the university library. She froze upon seeing me and stared for a few seconds, blushing. "Um, good afternoon. I'd like to check-out this book". "O-oh, of course! Sorry...". I was about ready to let out another sigh as the young lady stamped the inside of the front cover. I looked over my shoulder, just to check up on Nakano-chan. They were...talking. The girl had a smile, as did Nakano, although he was blushing quite a bit. And I honestly felt genuine happiness for him. I was sort of glad to be the person that gave him that extra push. I received my book, thanked the lady, and left without looking back. Sorry, Nakano-chan, I have someone waiting for me. Nakano-chan was on his own for a while. 

Kurosaki had arrived with a bag in his hands, saying that he had a surprise. My curiousity wasn't raised by this, I merely waited patiently until we arrived at my apartment to see what this "surprise" was. He looked quite happy while we walked, maybe even excited. We decided to stay inside for this date, since Kurosaki wanted to see some of my head-shots from work. I told him they weren't that special, but he got excited that they mailed them to me. It was just in case I decided to apply for full-time modeling, not just in magazines. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I have a pretty face. I never thought of it that way before, but I get told constantly at work about how beautiful I am, etcetera, etcetera. Even Kurosaki said it once or twice before to my face. I don't intend to apply for anything more than what I'm doing. It isn't something I'm passionate about, therefore I want to quit as soon as I graduate. Kurosaki supports me on this, but still buys the magazine to see me on the cover. He supports me on anything that won't get me hurt. I guess he just buys the magazine because I'm his boyfriend and he's basically supporting the company that pays me. Perhaps that's overthinking it, but it's the only conclusion I came to.

Anyway, Kurosaki really wanted to see the head-shots, especially since I don't plan to use them on a CV since I already made up several for careers in business. Once we arrived at my place, I requested that he sit and wait for me to return with them. "Okay, I'll wait. Take your time". He said that, but he really wanted to see my pictures in black and white. I looked for them in my bedroom, taking them out of the envelope I received. Kurosaki seemed to pretend not to be eager, but he clearly was by his smile. I sat next to him at the table, giving the pile over. He gasped upon seeing the first one. I recall looking quite serious in all of them, but managed a rather sexy smile in another. There was only one picture which had me posihg half-naked. I had loose pants on, so I could keep my dignity, but with a huge sheet covering my legs. My upper half was exposed, but only a little as I was layed on my stomach. I had my arms folded on the arm of a sofa, my chin resting against my forearms, my back curved downward until my stomach touched the seats of the designer couch. I managed a small smile then, cheeky and alluring to the reader or whoever saw it. When Kurosaki came to that picture, he froze, and his cheeks turned bright red. Other than, his eyes showed amazement. "This is...". It was a little embarrassing for Kurosaki to see me like that, especially with the knowledge that many other people were staring at me. But..."This is gorgeous". A smile turned up on Kurosaki's lips. "You're so gorgeous, Kizami". I had heard this before. With other's, I had grown so sick of it-with anyone. But when Kurosaki said it so sincerely and with love and honesty in his tone, I ended up blushing at his words. My face felt warm, and my hands shaky. My heart was pounding slightly, and I was lost for words. It was quite confusing. 

"You look so sexy. It's weird how I feel so strangely about it, even though I've seen you naked a lot of times. Like, fully naked. Still, I feel jealous that this would get sent away for other people to stare at". "Oh, you don't have to worry about that". Kurosaki looked up at me, puzzled and surprised. "I won't put any of these in a CV. It's private, and I don't want a job in modeling forever. It's temporary". "I see. Then, what are you gonna do with them?" I shrugged. "I don't know. However, you can keep that one, if you'd like". My half-naked photo. It was Kurosaki's if he wanted it. "Eh? Really? I can...have this?" "Absolutely. Do whatever you like with it. It's all yours". Kurosaki smiled once more, hugging my side suddenly in happiness. "Thanks, Kizami. I'll treasure it". "Hmhm, okay, okay. Try not to crumple it up, then". "Oops...Sorry". Kurosaki immediatly pulled back quickly, checking the condition of the photo. It was alright, but I wondered where it would go. "This is perfect, 'cause it reminded me of my surprise for you". "Really? Now I'm quite curious". "Good. It's right here". Kurosaki brought the bag he had forward and dug deeply into its contents, the material crumpling and booming with sound as it rustled. He then pulled something out with both hands. It was a book,,a big one. "Ta-da~. Whatcha think?" I was given this book, my curiousity encouraging me to open it up. It couldn't have been...could it? As I thought this, opening up the hard cover, I saw for myself and my suspicions were eased...by puzzlement. It was blank. Like, completely blank paper. Except for one thing...Something small had made its way within the book, a smaller piece of paper that was also blank, or so I thought. 

I picked it up, not a word had passed since then between me and Kurosaki. We were both silent, but he was smiling as he waited for a response. I turned over the piece of paper and my eyes widened. "This is...". I finally spoke, my mouth agape slightly. "Recognise this?" It was the small photo from our very first date in high school, from the booth in the shopping center in Osaka. Kurosaki still had his too. That was expected, but it still made me very happy. "Kurosaki, why...What's the reason for all of this? Do you plan to...make a photo album or something?" "Yep. You're as sharp as ever, Kizami. But, unlike a normal photo album, we can decorate this one ourselves and make it personal; like a scrapbook". I flipped through every blank page. There was certainly enough room for photographs and even decoration in the blank spaces. It actually wasn't a bad idea. "Pretty cool, right? We don't have a lot of photos together, so I thought we could make some more good memories with it, starting this summer. What do you think?" I smiled, ruffling Kurosaki's hair-which he didn't expect. "I think it's a good idea. Thank you, Kurosaki". "You can just kiss me, y'know". "Right. I'll do just that, then". I made my innocent move, kissing Kurosaki a two times; one on his cheekbone, and the other on the bridge of his nose. "There's something else you should probably know". "Hm? What is it?" Kurosaki was smiling, but soon it became something close to an awkward smile of embarrassment. 'Uh, well, I...I wanted to get into something like...baking". Baking? That was kind of out of the blue. Still, I grew curious. "Baking? Why baking?" "U-uh, well...Some girls at college got me into the idea. See, they talk a lot about it, as a hobby. They really seemed to enjoy it, one of them is even teaching her boyfriend how to bake. I dunno, I guess I wanna give it a shot. It sounds fun". I was the one who taught Kurosaki a few simple cooking recipes back in high school, which made me wonder if his cooking had gotten better since we moved away from eachother. Anyway, I don't remember teaching him any baking recipes like pastries or cakes. I didn't think it was necessary, but now he seemed to want to learn that stuff. Granted that I didn't actually know a lot about baking myself, just stuff I learned in high school. 

"How are you going to manage with your current schedule?" He shrugged. "I'll think of something. It's not like I plan to do it all the time. Uh, hey, why don't we bake together one day?" "Together...?" "Yeah. I've never heard of you baking before, so we could do it together one day that we're together". It wasn't a bad idea. I got a certain vibe from it, like it was a sort of bonding experience between two people who knew eachother quite well already. It could actually be fun, anyway. "Okay, then. That should be fun, especially since we can do it together". "Alright! I'm glad. But we'll have to decide what to make and buy some ingredients eventually". "Yeah, I'll just have to put some money aside". "Uh...Um, I-I'll do the same". He sounded guilty, knowing that I would pay for the ingredients on my own. I wouldn't make Kurosaki do that, out of habit. "Besides, it was my idea anyway. The least I can do was pay for half". If he insisted..."If that's what you want, but this means we should also go shooping together". "Of course we will. Wow, this'll be awesome-at least when we get around to it". I nodded in agreement. "Yeah...Now, I think we've waited around long enough. I'm going to cook dinner for us. I already made a souo last night and left it out, I just need to put it over the stove". "Oh, okay. Are we having rice too?" "That's the plan". "Then I'll make some". Kurosaki followed me to the kitchen. Together we made up a, sort of, simple dinner for two. I had already made a soup the previous night, since we had already made plans. I guess we had new plans for the near future. I looked forward to trying something new with Kurosaki, since we weren't able to do such activities since starting university. 

"You know, if we end up being really good at baking, maybe we could end up running our own bakery someday". "Slow down, we haven't even graduated yet". "Yeah, I know but it's a nice thought". I thought about it and decided to o along with this. "Okay, I suppose you're right. What would this bakery be like?" "Hmm...Let's see...Ah, it'll be a small business-but everything would be fresh and delicious". "Okay...". I nodded along. "We'll make bread of different flavours and fillings, but also cakes and pastry as well-obviously". I grew a little more entrigued. "We'll live in a quiet place, but still get a decent amount of customers. We'll both take turns baking while the other runs the counter. And at the end of the day, we'll sit together in the corner or at the back of the store and...eat any leftover cakes together, and be proud of eachother for making such a relaxing and good business". Kurosaki's day-dream seemed to wander a little bit, becoming a real dream in both his head and heart. He liked the thought, it seemed. He looked adorable, probably realising that he got carried away. Kurosaki was silent, so I decided to respond. "That would be good, living so easily like that. Who knows, it could come true". "Ah, no...I wasn't being too serious. I just...". "It doesn't matter. I like the idea, regardless. Even if we both end up screwing up baking". We shared a quiet laugh together. No, we couldn't be that bad if we had a basic understanding of cooking, so the dream might have been a possibility. But I suppose that sort of thing would be quite expensive. Oh well...A dream would always be a dream, but it made us happy to imagine. "Now, let's put baking aside and focus on cookery. We have a dinner to make". "Oh, right, sorry. The rice should be almost done". Yes...It would make us both happy. Was this really going to be a dream that I wished to pursue? Another memory to possibly add into our new scrapbook? I hoped so...I actually hoped it would come true, if nothing else seemed to make us happy. That's all I wanted for us. Happiness...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More short, non-story based chapters to come! Then again, there will be story ones eventually...So don't worry!


	59. We Both Get Embarrassed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's winter right now and I'm writing about summer! I don't know how to feel about this...Oh well. The show must go on.

Kurosaki's POV

Today was hot. Really hot. I couldn't explain it any other way. But this was perfect, in a sense. The weather forcasts had predicted hotter days during summer vacation and it was right for once. This was good since Kizami and I had planned to visit the beach. We met up in Nagoya the previous night. I had brought a bag for the next day, fully prepared. Although it didn't hurt to check one more time that I had everything. While Kizami showered in the bathroom, I checked everything was in my bag. It was a quiet morning, all the windows open to let in some cool air. Good thing Kizami had a fan as well, otherwise I would melt. "Let's see...Sun cream, check. Shampoo, check". I had to bring shampoo, since there were some showers in the changing rooms. I didn't want to go back to Kizami's place smelling of sand and sea water. "Packed lunch, check. Manga, check. Swimsuit, check. Towel, check". I looked over everything until I was satisfied and my mind was officially at ease. The calm sound of running water from the shower was suddenly cut off. He'd finally finished. I zipped up my small bag, lying down on the floor in waiting for Kizami to get dressed. My patience, however, wasn't neccessary. The door slid open a few seconds after everything went quiet. Kizami had entered the room, wearing only a towel around his waist and over his shoulders. My eyes widened suddenly, my face heating up. In my shock, without thinking, I sat up with my jaw dropped. Kizami had a blank look as he wandered to his built-in closet. 

He looked so calm, totally fine with me in the room, accidentally staring at his glistening body. I tried not to look as he picked out some clothes to wear before we would head out. It wasn't hard, I could manage to not stare at my boyfriend's naked body for a minute or two. Still, I couldn't help but feel conscious of it. "Kurosaki, are you alright? You look quite flushed". "I-I'm fine". "Is it because I'm naked right now?" "Um...Well...". I wasn't even looking at him, which made it a little easier. But that didn't stop him from coming towards me himself. "I don't know why you're so flustered, we've seen eachother naked plenty of times". "Huh? You say that, but you still get really embarrassed when we have sex. Isn't that similar?" There was a pause, that is until Kizami actually came towards me. He sat in front of me wearing a pair of shorts, that cut down to his knees, but no shirt still. Rings of clear water still hung from his skin, dripping or sliding down his muscles. The scent was...steamy and fragrant from his men's shower products and aftershave, mixed with Kizami's natural scent. Even from a distance, I could smell it after Kizami had a shower and/or bath. It was pretty manly, though I'm not surprised-no matter how sweet and gentle he really is. "Sex is different". That sentence alone broke me away from my dreamy thoughts, once intoxicated by Kizami's warm and chilling scent. "With sex, we're naked together-but I feel pleasure from it. I do embarrassing things, and you do embarrassing things like give pleasure to eachother. With this, I'm not so self-conscious. We aren't doing anything intimate, are we? I'm just half-naked in front of you. It's sort of the same when we take baths together. I do tend to get flustered with that, despite the fact we used to do it as children. But now you sit on my lap, we cuddle, and have even slept together in the tub or the shower. So...it's different". 

He made a good point. It is different with sex and baths. Just a moment ago, Kizami was practically naked in front of me-but we weren't doing anything. He just had a shower by himself. That wasn't a big deal and didn't invole us being intimate together, so why should he be embarrassed? "Anyway, I should ask something similar of you; Why do you still blush at things like that? Seeing me nude?" "O-oh, well...Um, how do I put this?" I knew the reason, but that in itself was mortifying. However, Kizami was my boyfriend and I loved him dearly enough to just be honest and come out with it, no matter how red my face was. "It's just that...I keep forgetting how...h-hot you are". My voice was quiet, almost like a whisper. My eyes staring squarely at the floor as well. I said it honestly, but my embarrassment was quite overwhelming. Kizami was staring at me with a blank stare. He was taken aback by that. However, his expression softened and he smiled. In seconds, I felt one of his big, cold hands snake its way behind my head and through my hair to pull me in. He didn't kiss me, but simply rested his forehead with damp bangs on my own. It dripped with droplets of cool water onto my nose and cheeks. Compared to that, my skin was ablaze. "Kurosaki, you really have to stop seducing me with your adorable words and attitude. I might end up going crazy with love and affection". "Then don't say such embarrassing things like that, dummy". His low chuckle sent shivers down my spine and rippled through my ribcage. I wanted to hold him, but my t-shirt would get soaked before we even got outside. Kizami cupped both my hot cheeks, his lips pecking the tip of my nose. He had to stop that. I would end up going crazy, too. "Right, I have to finish drying off and getting dressed, as well as preparing my bag. It shouldn't take too long". I nodded when he pulled away from me, unable to keep down a smile. He left me to it, getting on with actually drying off putting on clothes. Once he was ready, bag and everything, we could head out and go to the beach. In the mean time, I would just have to occupy my thoughts quietly until that time came. 

We headed out, unable to wear jeans in this heat. I rarely saw Kizami in shorts, but these suited him. They cut down to his knees and were a calm grey colour, not garish or anything. Mine were similar, since I wasn't comfortable showing off anymore leg than I had to. Before leaving we made sure that all the windows were closed and that the room was like a sauna again. There weren'tmany windows so the heat would build up quickly. Luckily we made up some iced drinks before going out. It was pretty cool; bottles of juice or water with cubes of ice at the bottom. It helped, definitely, but it wouldn't last-not in that weather. Despite all that, we lightly held hands as we walked, swinging our arms gently back and forth and feeling a drafty breeze pass our arms. Kizami's hand felt quite...cool, despite the weather. It wasn't usually like that before. "Hey, Kurosaki, your hand feels cold". "I-it does? In this hot climate? Maybe that's just you". "No, it's definitely yours. It's nice". My hand was cold too? I didn't realise. "I read somewhere that people with cold hands are the kindest, but that seemed like just a myth. I suppose that's not the case for some people". At that, Kizami squeezed my hand-as if to emphasize that he meant me. My heart jumped. Kizami's hand was cold too, but I refrained from saying so. Before, when I would hold Kizami's hand, it was usually quite warm. But now it was cold. I didn't quite understand what that could mean, especially since that rumour was only a myth. I try to be a kind person, but I never noticed how cold my hands were naturally. I don't pay attention to it. It was a little confusing, I guess. I think that...Kizami's a kind person, no matter the temperature of his hands or whatever myth clarifies his morals. Kizami's a kind person, through and through. I've never doubted that. "Although,". He continued. "It doesn't matter. You're a kind person anyway. Kinder than anyone I've ever met". It was as if we read eachother's minds, but thought about eachother. "I feel the same about you". I replied honestly. "I think you're kind, cold hands or not". Kizami looked serious for a second, but then smiled. He didn't say anything in response. Huh? Did he...doubt that? 

There were quite a few people crowding the beach: families and couples alike. We kind of stopped holding hands at that point, which we agreed was for the best since people can be quite judgemental, even when staring at two normal human beings who are in love-almost like a mirror image that is very foggy and peculiar to then. Geez, that sounded like something Kizami would probably say. He was very philisophical, after all. We found a nice spot with a blanket and parasol to keep us under the shade. A lot of those were taken up, but there were plenty of people who wanted to take in the sun while it was there; scorching the dry sand, the pavements and the people below. I took off my shirt with two swift pulls; above my back and over my head. I let out a relieved sigh, some moisture remaining across my skin from the heat. Kizami, however, kept his on. Now, it wasn't my place to tell Kizami what to do, even if it was just advice-but that day was really hot. Only his shirt would be fine to remove, right? He did no such thing, drinking his water and disregarding the sweat that ran down his neck and facw. He looked at me just fine, disregarding my own bare torso, but he didn't worry about himself. I guess he really didn't mind seeing me half-naked, acting normally. He didn't mind being that way himself either. So I couldn't help but wonder, looking around the vast area of people, that there was a whole other reason as to why he pretended to bear the heat.

"Kizami,". There was no real way to be subtle about this. "Aren't you too hot? Your cheeks are red". "I-I'm fine. I actually feel a lot better under the shade". He was stubborn-no surprise there. But I would choose to persist. Kizami's didn't deserve to bake out in the sun, even if we were shrouded in a relieving darkness under the parasol. There was nothing really to be ashamed of, but saying that had its limits. I glanced over momentarily, or what was supposed to be a mere moment. I twitched for a second and just stayed put when I spotted an obvious couple sitting comfortably under one of the parasols. A little too comfortably, perhaps. Normally people don't show affection for eachother in public, that can apply to most countries or people. Sure Kizami and I held hands-but that was it. This couple looked...almost disturbingly lovey-dovey, maybe even clingy? This girl was wearing a bikini that barely covered her chest, and this guy was getting way to close to her-but she didn't seem to care. I didn't want to stare, that would contradict what I said about people staring at us. Although we were both men, Kizami and I. I think people just think that's stranger. Why? You could ask that and I'm sure people would give generic, vague answers instead of being honest and saying "I actually don't know", and then perhaps replying with; "maybe I shouldn't judge them so quickly". But, as Kizami says, the world isn't that kind. It's just ignorance. I wouldn't like to think that way, but it makes me almost believe it. My thoughts seemed to go off track, and I immediatly brought my thoughts back to what I was talking about prior to my wandering glance and curiousity. "Kizami, it's okay to take off your shirt. Plenty of other people here do it". I could see the slight sweat patched on Kizami's back, soaking into the shirt. "It doesn't matter what other people do, I would just prefere to keep my decency". Decency? That was what he was worrying about? "I jus-I just don't want people staring at me while I'm with you. I want to be alone with you and not watched". "So what if people stare? It's not something to be ashamed of". "It isn't about that". Kizami calmly argued, not wanting to get riled up over such a silly thing. I couldn't agree more, but I still didn't want to see Kizami suffer. 

"That isn't my point. I just...I want privacy with you. I don't want people staring if I want to hold hands with you, or kiss you". "...Eh?" "Haah...If I'm shirtless, it'll attract uneccessary attention, don't you see? I don't like people staring in general, but when I'm with you...it annoys me that people would rather gawk than respect our privacy". So he was worried about that, about people staring at--not just him, but--us. However, I think he was overthinking things. "Don't worry about it at all, dummy. Just take your shirt off, I promise it'll be okay, even if a few people do stare". Kizami was hesitant, which was fine. I didn't expect him to do it straight away. "I want you to enjoy today and you can't exactly do that in soaking hot clothes. Here...". I pulled his shirt up slowly and quickly allowed him to take over. He pulled it off, the hood on the back swaying until the piece of clothing was dumped into his bag. Much better, I said for him in my head. He took a gulp of his water and let out a huge sigh of relief. I looked around. Just a few girls glanced over, nothing more. "See? You worry too much". "I suppose...". Kizami glanced over to his bag, reaching in and pulling something out. "I guess you want to swin soon". "Oh, yeah. I'll go change one I've cooled off a little". "Then I suppose it couldn't hurt to do this now". "Hm-mm?!" I made an odd noise in surprise, seeing as Kizami had taken out sun cream from his bag. "I don't want you to get sun burn, so come here". He approuched, but I remained still. It was just applying sun cream, no big deal. Besides it would be nice and cold for my skin. The cap clicked open after Kizami moved behind me to apply it to my back. I heard to squeezing of the substance swirl onto his hand. This was familiar...I thought, strangely enough. After rubbing it into his palms and fingers, the odd smelling cream was applied to my back. At first touch, I gasped and jolted slightly. It was colder than I thought. "You okay? Is it nice and cold?" "Y-yeah, you could say that". I didn't want my face to heat up anymore, otherwise I would melt. 

I got used to it after a couple of seconds of the ticklish rubbing, but then the very sensation went to my neck. "Huuh...!" I moaned slightly, twitching and trying to avoid Kizami's hand. I guess the cold sensation was something to be missed in the kind of weather we were experiencing, so obviously I would be sensitive to it. But...I never thought that I would have to keep my hand over my mouth to stop my voice from coming out. There wasn't anything sexual about this, so why was I so flustered about being touched by Kizami? "There, all done. You can cover your front, can't you?" I turned slightly, seeing Kizami hold to bottle out to me. I was hesitant, but accepted it. "Thank you for getting my back". "It's no problem. I doubt you would be able to reach--which reminds me: can you get my back too?" "Uh, of course. Just lemme get my front". "Okay, then we can get changed and head into the water". I nodded briefly before squeezing the substance onto my own fingers. I covered the front of my body and shoulders, wanting to cover every spot with of my skin. Then I covered my legs before turning to Kizami. His back was already turned. Uugh...Why was I still so embarrassed? 

I changed into my appropriate swimsuit, ready to hit the waves, or so to speak. Again, I chose something that cut down to my knees and refrained from showing off my legs. Once I stepped out of the changing rooms, my eyes wandering around to find Kizami--I had already found him. He stood just outside of the changing rooms, a nafy blue swimsuit on that looked almost like denim. He stretched up, his hands locked and his skin glimmering in the sun. I didn't get a good enough look as my bashfullness forced me to look away. I had to stop feeling like this in front of him-I wouldn't be able get anywhere id I didn't! "Kurosaki, are you ready?" "Huh...?" I turned my head back, his words directed towards me breaking my bashfullness. "Oh, sure. Yeah, let's get in the water". I went on ahead with Kizami right on my tail. Walking past the many other people on the sand, my footsteps soon touched the water with a damp tapping sound. I was quitw surprised to feel cold water under my feet; which was perfect. Going further into the water, the waves hitting my shins and backtracking over my strong calves, I turned back to hold hands with Kizami. He seemed to hesitate a little. "Kurosaki, I don't think we should go too far out". "Don't worry, I don't plan to. Just a little further, though". Kizami grasped my hand tightly, as not to lose me. I dragged him along like he was on a leash, unwilling and maybe scared? But Kizami wasn't afraid of swimming. He could swin really well in a pool; but in the ocean? "Are you okay?" I stopped, and asked, when the water was about up to my stomach. Kizami stopped quite close to me with a nod. His gaze then shifted for split second before suddenly...lunging towards me. 

I heard a momentary blast of the waves behaind me, the crashing feeling washing over me before anything actually happened-but only within that split of a second. I then felt something else crash into me, something practically crush me, a different wave. Kizami's broad shadow cast over me as his arms swung around me and held me close. In the next split of a second, the waves finally came, although it felt like a minute before they did. I could feel the cold shower thrust against my back, making me gasp. Other than that, I was warm and stood still with my feet sinking into the sand below the ocean. I panted softly, in shock. Why did Kizami...? The thought hesitated in my mind, even after my mouth refused to produce words. The stench of sea water filled my nose, heat washing over me cheeks. It made me want to dive down and cool off, but everything was solid. My lungs did eventually gain space and air as Kizami very slowly pulled away, as if not to startle me. He was soaked and smelled bad from the salt water. "S-sorry, but I said we shouldn't go this far out. That wave was pretty big. If it hit you, you might have lost your footing and collapsed". That makes sense as to why he didn't want us to stray to far away from the beach. But at what cost? "Kizami, sorry to be harshly blunt but, you smell bad". "Who do you think is to blame for that, idiot?" "Wah...!" I was suddenly splashed, despite just being proteced by the water. It was one of the most childish things Kizami has ever done-and that's a rare thing! I splashed back, because I can be quite childish despite my age. Kizami quickly shielded my attack with his arms before splashing me again. "Haha, jerk". "Who's the jerk?" We splashed at eachother like a couple of kids, enjoying the moment while it lasted. I never got to splash with Kizami when we were kids. He always prefered staying under the shade. Not a lot has changed, but I was happy to see him act so freely in front of me. It was incredible, but it was a shame we didn't get much time in the water. 

All of a sudden, the sky grew slightly darker, a shadow casting over the ocean below. We stopped splashing, the water seeminly colder than before. In the distance, people looked up to the sky before getting up and leaving, some calling thier children over to quickly follow them. We were the farthest out in the ocean, and this sudden change of weather could only mean one thing: rain. "Crap. Kizami, we have to hurry". "Yeah, good ide. Let's hurry back so we don't get completely soaked. Grab my hand". I grabbed Kizami's hand tightly as he led me back to shore. By then, the sky began to drop pellets of clear, freezing cold water, and then came the downpour. We rushed into the men's changing area for shelter during our run of getting soaked while being half-naked. The entrance was wide open, like a window without panes. Luckily we had our clothes stored in lockers, so we could easily change. There were showers, too; however there was no way of going back home with such a heavy downpour-and in this season too. "I thought the rain season was over...Damn you weather forecast!" I yelled into the rain and dark skies, but also at the weather reporters who made more false predictions in their nice, cozy studio with airconditioning and hearing in any weather. We were the only one's who ran to the changing rooms. Maybe most of the people that came had cars or something. I doubted that anyone would bring an umbrella while it was boiling hot in the first place, though. I turned back to the room, shivering. It was freezing cold. "Kurosaki, come further inside. We can warm up with a shower and a change of clothes". This wasn't part of the date; at least it wasn't supposed to be. I was hoping we could get a sundae or a parfait together afterwards. That wasn't happening. 

The room was a little dark, so I couldn't see much. The most I could see was the outlines of the showers and lockers, as well as Kizami's figure. A sound emitted out of nowhere, a rapid tapping from the far end of the room: a shower. I follwed the sound, squinting slightly to see Kizami's figure nearby. "Haah...The shower's are a little cold". He said, his eyes gleaming towards me. "We can wait for a little until they wam up. For now, we should get out of these damp clothes". "Uh, right, but we shouldn't change right now, should we?" "Of course not, we'll have to use our towels to cover up". I was shy again. This was a serious situation too, and Kizami was acting so calm and collected. He pulled out our big towels from our bags and wrapped mine around me securely once I approuched him. He wrapped up in his next so all that was left was to take off our swimsuits and wait for the water to warm up. Fantastic... 

We sat together, backs against the walls, with our towels covering our bodies. It was for the best, seeing as we couldn't exactly keep our swimsuits on without catching a cold. We huddled up together, which was a little warm despite the drifting smell of sea water and sand. "Is everything okay?' Kizami asked me, worriedly. "Y-yeah, I'm good, just chilly". "Me too. The water should nearly be ready". More silence...We were never this awkward with eachother before. I guess it was just due to the situation. I looked up at Kizami. Calm and collected as ever, I thought. "Hey, Kizami, aren't you...even a little embarrassed by this?" "I suppose, but just a little. We can't think any lewd thoughts right now, but it's difficult when we're both like this. Because of the cold, I just want to cuddle you and snuggle into you: cold and naked or not". Where did that come from?! "Uh! Th-that's more embarrassing than this situation". I lowered my head. Although Kizami couldn't physically see me blush, I bet he could just as easily sense it or hear it in my voice-the embarrassment, I mean. "You're embarrassed?" I could also hear a smirk through his voice. "O-of course I am. This is the kind of situation put into a Boy's Love manga or something. I don't want to think about anything l-lewd right now, but I can't help it since you've now put it into my head". I heard Kizami's deep chuckle echo slightly within the room, causing goosebumps to travel up my arms. Hearing it made me speechless for a very short period of time. "Look, I know that this isn't the right time to do anything, so don't worry. I wouldn't lay a finger on you unless you really wanted me to". Of course, I didn't doubt that. We always gave consent to eachother in order to do those sorts of things, so we were kinda sitting ducks then and there. Although...It couldn't hurt to at least huddle closer. 

I, without a word, crawled inbetween Kizami's legs to get warm. He hesitated in surprise, as I gave no warning, but soon wrapped his arms around me. It was immediatly nice and warm. However..."...!?" "Haah...sorry". Kizami apologised. "I got a little to excited when you came between my legs. It'll go away once we get under the shower". No it wouldn't. I knew this; Kizami even knew this. There was no reason to hold back. He could just ask or give a sign. "It's okay, Kizami. You won't be able to stay like that. So, when the water warms up...". "Do you want to be intimate with me, after all?" My face grew very hot. But it only got worse when I heard rustling behind me and felt hot breath on my neck and ear. "If we do this, I'll get really embarrassed in front of you. I swear, I'll blush like crazy". I then felt Kizami's lips peck my ear. They were hot. His face was hot...It made me want to back-out, but..."Kurosaki, it's strange, but...I want you, now". I actually wanted to, as shameful as it was. It didn't seem to matter that we were in a public facility. My eyes, by now, had adjusted to the darkness. So I felt a little scared to look Kizami in the eyes. I had a rather ambiguous or unclear reason as to why I felt that way, like a mix of emotions. When Kizami turned my head slightly, his face leaning over my shoulder, I could see the tint of his red blush. Was it because we were both already naked, wanting to do intimate things? Or because we were in a public facility? I wasn't sure. I didn't get to think about it as our lips softly met, my eyes gradually closing and my naked body shivering under both the blanket and Kizami's sudden body heat. I don't know...I didn't know...Maybe it was both...I thought as my eyes closed completely, and I fell into indulgence and want. 

I panted against the wall in front of me, red marks possibly forming all over my forearms from how hard they were pressed against the wall. I couldn't prevent any moan or cry that left my lips. "K-Kizami, I-I can't! N-no mo-more~!". "Just a little longer. You're almost there". Kizami was panting against my the back of my head, just from sheer excitement. He had only starting touching me under the warmth of the shower-the heat only rising, however. I was still shivering, though. The lotion Kizami brought in case we actually got sunburn...The intention couldn't possibly be for...what he was doing to me! "Kurosaki, let out your voice. I want to hear you like no one else will. We're all alone, so moan as much as you want". It was mortifying. Even if no one was around, I could still hear my own voice from the echo against the walls. I couldn't..."N-no! A-aah~!-ah!" It was too much-I could barely stand. But still, I couldn't deny how good it felt. At least, I couldn't deny it in my cloudy head. Yes, everything was cloudy and muddled up. My eyesight had adjusted to the darkness of the whole room, so I could probably see Kizami's face soon. I didn't know how long I would last, though. I could feel it all waiting to burst like a water balloon. It was hard to bear, if I could bear it at all. Kizami was hugging me, listening to my moans and cries in complete silence as if he were listening to beautiful opera music, appreciating it without a single word to comment. I was about ready to collapse onto my knees when the balloon finally burst, my legs trembling underneath me. Then I was quiet, only my heavy panting fillig the cloudy air of the room. When did the shower get this warm? "You're tearing up. Did it feel that good?" Kizami asked, hugging me tightly? I nodded honestly. "I'm glad. I'm glad". Kizami repeated, his voice quuet the second time as he rested his chin into my shoulder. "I want to see your face, Kurosaki. I want to see how cute you are". I turned my head towards him. There was zero hesitation as he dived in for a kiss. My eyes slowly shut and everything went pitch black. The whole room felt so steamy. I felt like my whole body would melt. Everything just felt so good, even just the kisses. 

When I was led against the wall, finally facing Kizami, I didn't look up-but also kept my eyes shut so that I wasn't looking directly at Kizami's...business. "Why aremyou closing your eyes?" He asked in the most gentle tone. "Let me see your face". He rested our foreheads together softly, my arms wrapping around his neck to pull him in. However, my eyes did not open. "Are you afraid that someone will see us?" He whispered. I shook my head, my eyes finally opening to look at Kizami in his. "No...". I said simply, right before our lips clashed again. This embarrassment...This shame I felt with stuff like this...Kizami was the first to make me this shaken up. Before we dated, I was an average teenage boy who did his own thing and stored secret magazines under his mattress. I was never shaking during those moments or when I thought about those things. It felt ordinary. With Kizami, the only man who I've ever loved, I can't help but still feel embarrassed even after so much. We were in a place where anyone could walk in and see us. That shook me up, as well as how gentle Kizami was with me and how gentle I could be with him. This felt like so much more than just having sex in a public place. So many emotions filled my cloudy head as my heart could barely keep up the pace. Kizami caused all of these emotions to stir and collide together. Why shouldn't I feel embarrassed? Especially when he looks at me so kindly and lovingly, and I can't help but shake under such a powerful gaze. The fact that Kizami openly admits to being embarrassed too, makes my heart pound a lot harder than it normally would, at least now. I held onto Kizami tightly, my voice filling the entire room unintentionally. Was this another thing I had to get used to? In those moments, under the hot shower, with the rainstorm outside, I couldn't think about it. I just clung to Kizami, embarrassed but also in a state of pure pleasure. How could I get used to this at all? 

The rain continued, even after we dressed into our dry clothes. We ended up sitting on the locker room floor, facing eachother, with our lunches displayed before us to share. We both made plenty, after all. "How do you feel? Sore anywhere?" "Hm...? Uh, no". I replied. It was the first time we had sex standing up, so I was a little shaky in my legs. Besides, it did hurt during all of that but died down once the pleasure kicked in. As I took another bite of my snadwhich, Kizami took hold of my hand. "Have you warmed up?" "Oh, y-yeah. I have". This isn't embarrassing. So was it just sex and seeing Kizami without clothing? My hand was released and Kizami continued with his lunch. I think that we both warmed up after...that. I couldn't say how long it would last while we were still trapped in the locker room. All we could do was wait for the storm to pass. "Do you think there will be thunder?" "Possibly, which worries me. I don't know how long we'll be stuck here for if there's really a thunder storm". That was worrying. I didn't want to be trapped there all night; however, it wouldn't be so bad with Kizami there with me. I finished off eating, leaning back onto the lockers. It was kinda uncomfortable, but I had to make do until the storm blew over. Kizami, finishing the rest of the food, collected the boxes and stuffed them back into our own bags. He then said thanks before sitting next to me. Wrapping his arm around my body, he brought me closer from a short distance until we huddled together. All we could do was play the waiting game for the storm to end. In a weird way, it was calming to listen to. That and the heavily swaying waves of the ocean. I felt like sleeping then. My head just rolled onto Kizami's shoulder and everything went dark as I closed my eyes. 

When I woke up, I heard soft chirping of birds and felt a mix of warmth and heat wash over me. I looked down as my eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness of the room. There was a towel over me: Kizami's. I looked towards the bright scene, immediatly shrouding my eyes with my hand. The rain had stopped, was the first thing I noticed. A second after that, I paid attention to Kizami, who stood facing the ocean and the sand. "Kizami...It's over?" I asked in a weary voice. "How long was I asleep for?" "Just half-an-hour. The rain stopped about two minutes ago. Guess the sun cues woke you up". I yawned before taking my time to stand up. It was warm again, and the rain had stopped. Only one thing was on my mind. "Time to go home". "I couldn't agree more". We grabbed our bags and walked out. I yawned again. All the energy that Kizami squeezed out of me was catching up. We headed straight for the station, as agreed before. It was kind of a shame since I would have loved to spend the whole day with Kizami. He had to go home and rest before work. "This was fun". He said casually as we approuched the platform. "Yeah, it was". I agreed, despite the storm from earlier. "Especially the naked, sex part". Kizami came closer to me for a moment just to whisper that. Oh god, my face was growing red--I knew it was. "K-Kizami...!" I cried in a hushed tone, only to recieve a mocking chuckle. "Sorry. I couldn't resist. What's done is done". I grumbled. Even words like that easily embarrass me. The train eventualt pulled up at the platform and people began to get on or get off. Just before Kizami joined them, he rested his hand on my shoulder and kissed my cheek. "Let's do this again sometime, okay? I'll call you later". He whispered right before getting onto the train. I stood frozen, not sure what to do. My face was so flushed. Kizami waved goodbye as the doors closed, immediatly snapping out of my thoughts to wave him off. The train slowly left until completely out of sight. I gave a big sigh. Do it again, huh? If that's the case, it would be Kizami's turn next time, in public or not. It was a new goal of mine and I planned to see it through. I guess I would have to wait until next time, then. That's what I thought as I left the platform, adjusting my bag onto my shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh...This was kind of exhibitionism, only with no one around. I thought it would make for a good, dramatic romance scene during a storm.


	60. Suspicious Character

Kizami's POV

One shot. Two shots. Three, four. It went on and on with different clothing items and accessories that were too flashy and expensive for anyone to wear, even on special occassions. With each exaggerated instruction from the photographer came another flash of the camera. I was only sitting; why give so many instructions? "Oh, yes! I love~ the serious look, Yuuya honey. Keep it up". I hated this job. I just wanted it all to be over for the evening so that I could see Kurosaki already. Once the shoot was finally over, my back and neck aching, I wanted nothing more than to call Kurosaki and hear his voice-for him to tell me that he was out of work and that he wanted to see me. As I pulled out my cellphone from my work bag, ready to call him, I felt a slight tap on my shoulder. Today was tiring enough. I didn't want to do anymore. With a sigh, I turned around, expecting to be suffocated with uneccessary praise. That's only what I expected, though. 

As I turned around to whoever was behind me, not wanting to see them, I quickly changed my mindset in an instant. "Hey, Kizami". That smile made everything bright again, but I was quite surprised. "Kurosaki...". Of course it was Kurosaki. No one else ever makes me feel better about work. But I felt bad since he obviously got off work as soon as possible to rush over and see me. I didn't even get a chance to call him. "I was just about to call you. Why are you off work so soon?" "Someone covered the rest of my shift, since I did extra hours last time. I wanted to see you as soon as I could so we can go shopping, remember?" "Oh, right, for yukatas. Yeah, we can still do that. I'm just surprised you of all people would get off work this soon". "Well, I, uh...". Kurosaki averted his gaze, rubbing the back of his head nervously. "I guess I just...Ahem, honestly, I...". I patiently waited for a response. It must have been quite embarrassing to say since there were other people around. But I waited for it as he hesitated and tripped over his words slightly. But, unfortunately, the answer didn't come. "Ohm Yuuya~. You were wonderful! Just wonderful~!" I grumbled. That crazy photographer. Kurosaki was going to turn towards the voice, since he had never met her before. "Who...?" "That's the photographer. Don't pay any attention to her-please. Let's just go to my room before-". "Ah, there you are". Shit, too late. I was about to take Kurosaki's hand, or do something, in order for us to get away. Sadly, Hanako would follow. She came over towards us, ignoring Kurosaki as she spoke directly to me. 

"Darling, you were absolutely gorgeous today. Well...you're gorgeous anyway. Hmhmhm...". "Um, Hanako-san, do you mind? I'm with someone". At that, the lunatic quickly turned to Kurosaki with a look that said she was absolutely blown away. Kurosaki stood there, nerously with a nervous smile, nervouly blushing. "Oh my goodness. You...You're so cute!" "Huh...?" Kurosaki was quite surprised, especially when Hanako cupped his cheeks. "Haah...You have such an adorable face and...Haa! Such slim hips! Oh my, you're an angel shot straight from heaven! Have you ever thought about modeling?" "Eh...I-I...uh...". Kurosaki looked towards me for help, which I was more than willing to provide. Although Kurosaki is very adorable with very nice hips, possibly one of my favourite things about him-aside from a million other things-, no one can touch him with such confidence but me, at least while I'm dating him. I gently pulled Kurosaki away from Hanako's grasp until he was at an arm's length. "Do you mind?" "Haah, not at all. Go ahead. He's your guest, after all. Ooh! That reminds me,". Reminds you of what? "Yuuya, are you sure you don't want to star in the summer's collection magazine this week?" I sighed. Not this again. "I'm sure". "But you would look so amazing in one of our designer yukatas". That's the main reason why I didn't want to do it. I promised that Kurosaki would be the first to see me in a yukata, since I've never worn one before. "Come on~. What'll it take to convince you? If you do it, I'm sure your popularity would go through the roof". "I don't care about that. I'm not doing it, so get someone else". Hanako gave a big, disappointed sigh. There were plenty of men in the studio who could do it, so why me? "But they voted for it. The majority of our readers wanted to see you in a yukata, so why are you trying to break their spirits?" "There's a reason why you have a second place in popularity poles. In case first place drops out. Sorry, but I refuse to do it". That was my final answer. Little did I realise how quiet Kurosaki was the whole time. Hanako sighed again, folding her arms over. "Fine...But, Kurosaki sweetie, if you ever want to go into modelling...here's my card". Her mood changed too quickly. Don't force that on him! Hanako swiftly passed her business card to Kurosaki. He seemed quite taken aback. "U-um, th-thank you very much. I'll think about it". "I hope so. My phone's always on, honey. Chow". She waved goodbye before getting back to the studio space, clapping her hands loudly to gain everyone's attention. "Alright! Next models! God, I love this job". Kurosaki was quite intimidated, and maybe even a little afraid. I remained calm and collected, tugging on the sleeve of his hoodie to get his attention. He looked up at me. "Let's go to my room, okay?" "Oh, right. Okay...". He followed me out of the studio and into the hallway where there was finally some peace and quiet. 

As we walked down the hall, heading straight to my personal changing room, Kurosaki relaxed a little in my company. "Hoo, geez, that lady was scary. Her fingernails were like pink talons". "Sorry about that, but in this job you have to get used to crazy photographers". "Now I can kinda see why you want to quit this job. Well, at least you want to quit. This place doesn't really suit you". "How so?" "Well...For one, it's too flashy and kinda crowded. You prefere to have a more relaxing job that doesn't make you stand out, right?" He knew me very well. That made me smile for the first time since I walked into the studio, something Hanako would very rarely get to see in her flashy pictures. "Yes, very much so. I guess I can say the same for you, too. You would want a job that's a little more fun and where you can really show off your skills instead of posing your face". "Yeah, that's definitely true. I remember helping out at the culture festival in high school. You remember the year that our class made a haunted house?" "I remember". "That was a fun job. Really fun". "Speaking of festivals, how did Yoshida like the signs we painted?" "Oh, he thought they were great. I can't thank you enough for helping". At least the bastard Yoshida was grateful. Kurosaki and I both worked hard back then. It wasn't even too long ago either. "Don't worry about it. It's done. You can relax, now that your assignments are all finished too". "Uh-huh. Yep, again thanks to you". "For what?" "For giving me a little push into getting them done, so...Thank you". He didn't need to thank me so much. I know he would do the same for me if I was in that position. He would cheer me on and say that I could definitely do it. He would be encouraging, kind and so on. Luckily I choose to get my work done at an acceptable time until its all finished. 

We entered my room, Kurosaki going in first while I grabbed the small sign for the door handle that clearly said, in bold lettering, "DO NOT ENTER OR DISTURB". They were quite effective, even against Hanako. "Sit down and take a rest. We can catch the train in Osaka and pick out our yukatas at the store". "Right. Thanks". Kurosaki sat on one of the sofa's while I got out my original clothes to change into. But I didn't. At least, not yet. I had taken off the designer jacket and folded it neatly onto the table. Kurosaki sat still on the edge of the sofa in thought, seemingly deep thought. It caught my attention and my curiousity. I walked to him, sitting next to him on the sofa. "What's up? You're quiet". "Huh...?" He looked up to me and then put on a reassuring smile in an attempt to hide his previous expression. "I'm fine. It's just...Why would you miss out on work like that-when a lot of people voted for you in popularity poles and...". "Kurosaki". I called his name softly. "Have you forgotten?" "...?" I leaned in, a smile crossing my lips. 

"I won't wear a yukata for anyone but you, at least this year. I promised, didn't I?" "W-well, yeah, but it seems silly now, because this is for work. Sure, it would be a shame to see you wearing one before the summer festival and for many other people but, still, work is work". He had a point, but it felt important to me. It was important that I got my yukata from that store in Osaka, that I got it with Kurosaki, and that I wore it on the day of the summer festival. That's all I wanted. I didn't like my job, anyway. And I wasn't a dancing monkey for them, I could just refuse to do this one job and take the next. It didn't matter to me. I just wanted to see that look on Kurosaki's face when I walked out wearing my new yukata. I wanted him to be happy and amazed. I would feel the same way about him, after all. "Kurosaki, I don't care about my work". I rested my forehead on his, seeing that his eyes had averted downward and to the floor. "I care about us, and seeing how you'll react when you see me for the first time in a yukata. If you see me on the cover of a magazine it isn't so special anymore, is it?" Kurosaki hesitated, but then our eyes met. "I guess...you're right. But won't they be mad at you?" "No. I highly doubt it, since I'm the model that brings sales up. Don't worry". "That's weird. I think you look hotter in a hoodie and sweatpants rather than some flashy outfit that nobody buys. Seeing that would bring sales up at any store". I chuckled at that. "Haha, come here, you". I ran my fingers through the back of Kurosaki's hair, meeting his lips with mine softly. Thank god I put that sign up on the door handle outside. At least, I thought that when the kiss deepened...and I found myself pushing Kurosaki onto his back. I didn't intend to do much, just a little so that we weren't too late getting to the store in Osaka. But this was going to go further than either of us intended. 

Kurosaki was still on his back, bare in front of me. I had at least draped a blanket over us that was provided with the room. I had picked up a fallen rose petal from the end table behind Kurosaki's head. Another bouquet of roses from a secret admirer. I tickled the tip of Kurosaki's nose with it, just to be playful. He giggled. "Hey, cut it out. That tickles". I chuckled, kissing the tip of his nose in a sort of apology. "Hey, Kizami, are you okay?" I nodded. "I'm fine. It doesn't hurt anywhere, so I'm fine". "Good. I was afraid that I hurt you somewhere". I shook my head in response, cupping Kurosaki's cheek. "Not at all. I'm really okay, just tired". He stared up at me for a moment, also cupping my cheek. Our clothes had scattered around the room, my normal clothes folded neatly on the coffee table next to us. Kurosaki looked over to them, then up at the clock hanging from the wall. He gasped, covering his mouth. "Oh, shit! The store closes in an hour!" I looked to the clock with a more casual look, then looked down at Kurosaki with a soft smile. "It'll be open tomorrow, you know". I reassured him, pinching his cheek slightly. "Ah-...W-well, you're right, but...". "This means I can be with you a little longer, today and tomorrow, right?" It was as if he hadn't really thought about it. He held my hand, a small smile drifting onto his lips. "W-well...yeah, I guess you're right. B-but we're not sleeping together when we get to my apartment. Okay?" "Of course. Once is enough. I'm fine with just cuddling". I whispered that, kissing his forehead lightly, locking fingers. We would probably have to go soon before Hanako decided to drop by without permission. We could continue at Kurosaki's apartment; kissing and cuddling, but nothing more than that. 

We took the trip, checking the time on Kurosaki's cellphone to double check that the store was closed and, of course, it was. I just saifd that we could pick them up in the morning. With that, we could only go to his apartment anf have another sleepover. We haven't called it that in a while, considering adulthood and all that. It's strange to think that we were still considered teenagers about a year ago. It's odd to think that we both rent and apartment and live alone, work hard for rent and are in college. It wasn't too long ago, but we've really grown up and taken huge steps into doing so. When you really think about it, despite the short amount of time since high school, we're really come a long way. Kurosaki played with the key in his hand as we approuched his apartment door, rolling the hoop of his key chain around his finger. He took a swift hold of it once we were right in front of the door. "Alright, home sweet home. Make yourself comfortable". The door was unlocked with several clicks of the key in the lock. We both stepped inside, slipping off our shoes. What now? I asked myself. It's not like we planned to sleep together after doing so in my room at the studio. We weren't animals. I sat at the table in the center, kneeling on the floor with my usual upright posture. "I'll make us some drinks and get some snacks". "Sounds good. Need a hand?" "Nah, I've got it". He said as he stood in the kitchen area, opening up the container of tea. Kurosaki peered inside. "Uh...Damn it". "What's up?" I asked, turning my head. "I'm outta tea. Is coffee okay instead?" "Yes, that's-". "Gah! I'm out of that too! Why the hell am I so unprepared?" "When was the last time you went grocery shopping?" "Eh...Eeh...I don't actually remember. I was so busy with my assignments that I must have forgot to buy proper food". So he just lived on whatever was in the fridge or cuboards? I just hoped that there was something decent in there for him to actually cook but a part of me doubted that. "If you'd like, I could go to the convenience store and get us some tea and snacks,--just until you go grocery shopping". "Wait, why you?" Kurosaki swiftly turned around to protest my offer. "I'm the one who forgot to go sooner. Besides, you're the guest--I wouldn't have you do that, as your boyfriend". "It's fine. While I'm gone you can make the place more romantic for when I get back. Find a blanket so we can cuddle, like I said before". I stood up, witnessing pink cover Kurosaki's cheeks. "It'll only take two minutes. So wait for me". I kissed his cheek on the way to the entrance. "F-fine. But hurry back". "I will". I claimed, slipping my shoes back on right before leaving. 

I walked to the convenience store, which was placed around a few corners from Kurosaki's apartment building. We went there a few times just to pick up snacks or drinks for an evening, so I easily remembered where it was. The lights from inside were glowing, even during this season when the sky wouldn't turn dark for hours. I entered through the automatic, sliding doors that greeted you with that usual beeping noise from above your head. There seem to be only one or two other customers in the small shop, who I would naturally ignore. My footsteps immediatly carried me to a small isle of assorted snacks of different brands. I picked up two packs of potato chips of random flavours, since neither of us were very picky. Then I headed to another isle, filled with brands of coffees and teas. As I looked them over for the usual brand of tea, I sensed a presence next to me. "What are you doing here?" That voice was easily forgettable, but once I heard it every cell in my brain suffocated with frustration. I looked next to me, clear collected frustration on my features as I came face-to-face with none other than Yoshida, Kurosaki's classmate and Senior. "What does it look like to you? I'm a customer". "Are you with Kurosaki?" "He isn't here, now leave me be". I intended to ignore the roach and move on with purchasing the items. But the bastard stopped me--for whatever reason--by grabbing the hem of my sleeve. "Oi, I'm talking to you". "Well, I'm not talking to you". "I have to ask you something important. It's been on my mind for a while and I want answers directly from you". How annoying. Why talk to me now? I thought he disliked me just ad much as I disliked him. Did I have a choice? Yes, I could have ignored him completely and walked off, which I tried to do. 

I bought my items, having them put into a bag before I decided to swiftly leave the store. "Hey, don't ignore me". That was the sensible thing to do. But, unfortunately, I was being followed out the store. "Come back here. I need to ask you this important question". I grumbled, stopping in my tracks. "What?" I asked sternly as I turned around towards him. Yoshida stood there, hands in his pockets, a serious look on his face. "I wanted to ask you some things about...Kurosaki". That caught my attention, but I gave him no reaction. Whatever it was, in the end, I decided to hear him out. I would hear it, answer as vaguely as possible and then leave. I had a feeling about where this was going, and I didn't like it. 

We sat on one of the benches next to the store, my patience wearing thin after just a few minutes. "Well, what is it? What did you want to ask about Kurosaki?" "Listen, there's no point beating around the bush with you--so I'm just going to be perfectly blunt. You're...dating Kurosaki, aren't you?" I knew something like that would come up. It was cliché, after all. "Why are you asking that? What makes you think we are?" "...A hunch". That's a pretty lucky hunch. Yoshida was a smart man, anyone could see that--personal opinion didn't matter. But why use it to suspect me and Kurosaki of being lovers, unless he had an ulterior motive. I didn't like that. He had to ask for a reason, someone like him. He seemed like the kind of brat that wanted his own way, no matter what he would do to get it. There, that was my hunch, Yoshida. "Don't just assume things based on a hunch. You'll never get anywhere in life without some extent of logic and reason. Now, if you'll excuse me". I stood, ready to leave when he spoke again. "You didn't answer my question. Are you dating?" I turned back to him. I wondered how to go about this. It seemed so obvious. What was the point in lying? I wasn't ashamed to be with Kurosaki. Besides, telling him would probably put him in his place. But...telling him might end badly? This man was friends with Kurosaki. I didn't want to rip that from Kurosaki at all, since Yoshida obviously hasn't done anything personal against Kurosaki. Still, I can't help this cautious feeling. Signals are screaming for me to keep Kurosaki away from him. I had to amswer in a way that would satisfy both aspects, while also not allowing myself to fall into any trap. "...Why do you care? Even if we were, why would you care? It sounds to me like you're jealous". "...I am". 

That...That quick response surprised me beyond belief. He just admitted jealously to me. What, in "that" sense? I stayed calm. "You're...jealous?" I turned fully towards him. He was smiling slighty. "Of course. You two seem close, as friends". Hm, he dodged a bullet there. The bullet being my fist to his face. I'm not one to be so threatening, but Yoshida just made my blood boil. "We are. I've known him since pre-school, but that's no business of yours. If you really want to know about our friendship, ask Kurosaki yourself. You're also his friend, right?" "True. I'll keep that in mind". "However...". My eyes narrowed at Yoshida, which he immediatly noticed and his smile disappeared. "I don't like the way you're acting, the way you say you're jealous. Are you in love with Kurosaki or something?" I dared ask it, but it couldn't be helped. Although I sensed that he wouldn't give me a vivid enough answer. He stood up, smirking. "Don't be ridiculous". He said, walking off without batting an eye at me. I watched him walk off. "This was a nice little chat. I hope we can talk again, Kizami-san". That was more anti-climactic than I expected, but I still freeted over his words. He could have been lying for all I know. But, due to my suspicion, that seemed obvious. It's not like I could keep tabs on Kurosaki twenty-four/seven, I would never do that. But I couldn't help but worry. If that man ever layed a finger on Kurosaki, I would never forgive him. I would probably...lose control. Haah...I couldn't think about that. I buried that locked away part of myself years ago, never to be dug up. Still, I wasn't sure about that when I felt this fear...This fear that Yoshida might hurt Kurosaki. If that happened...I knew I would lose control. I knew I would, and do something that might hurt Kurosaki more. I didn't want that at all... 

I returned to the apartment, feeling down about what happened. Only my expression changed upon noticing how dim the room had gotten. The lights were off, but the light from the outside glimmered through. I walked in, seeing that Kurosaki had sat in front of his laptop, a blanket folded neatly next to him. "Oh, you're back". He raised his head, a smile on his lips. "I'll get the tea ready. You can just relax and help pick out a movie we can watch on my laptop-since I don't have a T.V yet". "Uh, sure". I gave him the bag of tea, which he promptly took to the kitchen area to fill the empty container. "What took you so long?" "Ah, a surprisingly long queue". "Really? Huh...". I set the bag down on the table, but did not sit down. Instead, because of this feeling I had, I wandered over to Kurosaki as he began to prepare the tea. He didn't notice me approuch, keeping his back towards me. This gave me the opportunity to carelessly wrap my arms around him, my chest leaning into his back. With a slightly jolt, he was clearly surprised by this. "K-Kizami? What's wrong? Uu...". I kissed the back of his head before pulling away and apologising. "Sorry, I'm just tired. I needed a little boost". "Really...?" He turned towards me, looking a little puzzled...but the concerned. He was probably used to this by now, when I acted so strangely in front of him. "If something happned, you can tell me". "I know, but it's nothing. The exhaustion from earlier is catching up to me a little bit. That's all". Kurosaki nodded, but seemed unconvinced. He quietly went on with making the tea while I sat down, scrolling through options of movies to watch. It was a little awkward, all because I can't seem to hide my feelings from Kurosaki. I hadn-t learned to do that yet, it seemed. 

We sat beside eachother, putting on the movie we both chose while opening up our bags of potato chips, to share, and sipping our tea. Imwas quiet, feeling just a little better around Kurosaki. He still looked worried. "Kizami, you can talk to me about anything, remember? If it really is nothing, like you said, I'll understand. Just know that...I'm here if you want to get something off your chest". That made me feel better, although I couldn't really explain what happened to him in the right way. I didn't want Kurosaki to get hurt. So I put on a smile for him. "I'm really okay, so don't worry. I promise". "Right...Uh, I know it's childish but...pinky swear?" Kurosaki held out his pinky finger to me, something we used to do in the past. "Hm...Okay. Pinky swear". I wrapped my pinky finger around his, and locked it with our thumbs. Right after, Kurosaki leaned against me. I draped the blanket over us both and hit play for the movie to start. I hugged Kurosaki with one arm, allowing him to get comfortable. "I like this part". "...? Kurosaki, these are commercials". "So? I like watching commercials before a movie. It builds it up, but helps me get comfortable". Cute. Kurosaki was always so cute at the right moments, effectively cheering me up. I gave him a quick peck on the lips, turning back to the screen with a smile on my face. I was never good at concealig feelings; when we were children, when we were teenagers, when I hid my feelings for Kurosaki, right up until now. Kurosaki wouldn't pry about these things, he would just worry and ask if I needed to talk. He was always there for me, and his friends. That's what's so sweet about him. Anyone could love Kurosaki and even fall for him in a heartbeat. But the fact that I suspected Yoshida of doing so terrified me a little bit. I trusted Kurosaki with all my heart, but I couldn't trust Yoshida. What if he ended up hurting Kurosaki? That's what I was afraid of. All I could do was hold my strong trust in Kurosaki, and trust his love for me. I was confident about that, knowing him. If Yoshida did try anything...he would deeply regret it. I knew that much. As long as I was with Kurosaki, as lovers or as best friends, I would not let anyone hurt him. He would do the same for me, after all. That's why I love him so much, among many other reasons. No one could understand that but him. No one, especially Yoshida...


	61. My Worry For Him

Kurosaki's POV

I woke up in Kizami's arms again, which I didn't hate-not at all. It's just...I can't get over how strong he really is. When I opened my eyes, I gained the notion to huddle up more into his broad chest while his strong arms held me so secutely, so protectively, that even nightmares wouldn't go anywhere near me. It was true that I sleep better knowing that Kizami's there, cuddling me and making me feel safe and warm. I would myself looking up at his face and immediatly recalling just how long his eyelashes were. He looked so peaceful, despite last night. I never got to hear the full story, but Kizami had this weird look on his face when he came back from the grocery store. It worried me. Of course it would worry me. He was fine when he left; but then grew unusually quiet when he returned with the snacks and such. This was a habit of mine: to dote over Kizami when he acted weirdly. Well, from day one he was kinda weird anyway, but this was always different. Around me, he never looked so upset or discouraged about anything. He had just learned to smile and laugh. With that, I can only wonder if something was really wrong with him. He said he was fine; but clearly he wasn't. I've heard that "I'm fine" enough times in the past to know that he was lying through his teeth. Just so I wouldn't worry or get involved. But...get involved with what? 

I felt warm breath sweep through my hair, and the shift of Kizami's well-kept body against me. "Good morning". He muttered, kissing my forehead and then the very top of my head, between all my upright strands of hair. He sounded fine, but Kizami's isn't that forgetful. Not at all. Maybe he felt better after sleeping, but it didn't change anything, did it? And I mean that as a statement. In other words, nothing would have changed from whatever happened last night. I had to find out, to my mind at ease and to maybe help Kizami feel better. Maybe I could help in some way. "Uh, good morning, Kizami. Did you sleep well?" "Yes, I did. You?" He hugged me securely, running his fingers through the back of my hair. He kissed the bridge of my nose. "H-hey, cut that out". "Sorry. I slept well, but that doesn't mean I'm not a little tired. Can I have a little boost?" By boost he meant...me? "Sure. I'll...give you a little boost". I couldn't say no. I would do anything to make Kizami smile just a little-and mean it". I kissed his chin, moving up from my lying position to wrap my arms around his neck. I kissed him on the lips, receiving the same at that exact moment. "Thank you...". He whispered, smiling down at me. Good, that made me happy. "I'll start breakfast, okay? You can use the bath while you wait". "Alright. Thank you, Kurosaki". He kissed my lips again before being the first of us to get up. I sat up myself, watching him walk to the door. "Uh, there should be a spare towel there". I said, receiving another thank you before Kizami left the room. I sighed heavily. No matter how hard I try, I can't shake this feeling that a little "boost" won't make Kizami feel totally better. I had to know the problem first. Kizami trusts me, surely. But what can he not say to me? I didn't understand. Was it something to do with...me? 

Kizami came into the main room, dressed-but with a towel draped over the nape of his neck to dry his hair with. "Bath's free". He called out to me, which was the obvious sign that he was behind me. "Oh, okay. That was quick". "I didn't want the water to get to cold, but there's still water in there so you should go ahead and take yours. I'll handle breakfast". "Really? Thanks. I'll be as I can". I took off behind Kizami. Or, at least, I was going to. "Hey, Kurosaki...". I stopped as I had only just past him by a few short centimeters. I turned back to him, asking what was up. "...It's nothing really, just...You're worrying about me still, aren't you? About last night". Sharp as knife, but, then again, I wasn't very good at hiding it, was I? Not with my expressions or tone of voice. "W-well, I...". "I know you well enough to notice when you're worrying. You make the same faces when you're thinking". He tassled my hair lightly. I had kept my eyes to the ground, which was why he slid his knuckles gently down the side of my face before grasping my chin and raising it. Our eyes met, Kizami smiling. "You have nothing to worry about. I'm okay. No need to fret over something silly like that". "But...it's not silly". "...?" Kizami's smile disappeared, surprise faded onto his features instead, like he didn't predict my next words. "It isn't silly at all--not if something's bothering you. I can tell, I've always been able to. Your not very good at hiding your emotions around me either, so that's why you should just be honest and tell me what's going on. If you don't, I just worry more, and it kills me to see you like that". "Like what?" "Gh! You know what! You look so down in the dumps and saddened by something. I haven't seen that look on your face for a long time. It bothers me because I...I just want to see you smile". My voice trailed off, but I stayed as strong as I could. "I want to see Kizami smile, always. You have a beautiful smile. So...tell me what's going on so I can help you smile again". It sounded like something straight from an anime, but it came straight from the heart. I didn't know what else to say! I needed to get through to him somehow , get him to talk to me. But... 

"So forward of you". "Huh...?" "Kurosaki, there's really nothing to worry about. I'm fine-honestly. I understand your concern if I act a certain way--I've done it for years. But you're over-thinking things too much again. I appreciate your words and your concern for me, but I'm okay". A part of me still didn't believe it. But, despite that, I had to have some level of trust in Kizami. "O-okay, Kizami. I'll...trust you that everything's alright with you. I'd hate to bug you about that stuff, me fretting and all. I guess I know too well what you look like when you're having a hard time. But, just so you know, you can tell me anything, okay? Sorry...". "Don't apologise you fool". Kizami wrapped his arms around me securely, in comfort. "Hah, what am I going to do with you? Honestly...". I could practically hear his smile through his words. Was there really nothing wrong? "You're so good to me. Look, I promise that, if there is anything wrong, I'll talk to you when I feel like I should. Alright?" Another promise. A promise that I trusted he would keep. I gripped the back of his t-shirt, burying my face into his chest. "Okay...You promised, no going back on it". "I won't...". He shorty pulled away, the englufing warmth of his body fading. "Now, go have a bath before the water gets cold". "Right. I'll be as quick as I can". I walked off, towards my bathroom. Looking back, glancing towards Kizami, I saw that he was continuing breakfast...his smile gone. Even if you tell me that you're fine, you still feel down inside, don't you? It's always been like that; with your parents, with your siblings, with me. Kizami never fully explained anything fully, only when it truely bothered or upset him. He would have had his reasons, like not wanting me to worry, but still...I can't really explain it, but he should let me worry. If I know what's going on in his head, I can talk to him and help out in any way I can. Kizami... 

Kizami brightened up a little once we went out. He didn't talk much, but when he did he smiled and talked to me normally. I hated feeling like this; obsessive about the seemingly little things. But something told me that whatever Kizami was feeling wasn't something small and only worth ignoring. We picked up our yukatas from the store. They were paid for in advance with money we had both saved up for quite a long time; but with plenty left over for necessities such as rent and food. They were wrapped up and put into two seperate shopping bags, like we politely asked the lady behind the counter. Kizami and I couldn't spend much time together that morning because of work. Right after receiving our packages, we both headed for the train station for Kizami to head home. It wouldn't be coming for another ten minjtes when we did arrive, so all we could do was sit, wait and pass the time talking. While Kizami sat on one of the benches on the platform, I bought us drinks from one of the vending machines, using loose change. "Uh, here. I got a coffee milk for you. Thirsty?" "Yes, thank you". I sat next to him, opening up my own coffee milk. Things were quiet once more, but just as we each sipped our drinks. "Hey, Kurosaki...". Kizami spoke before I got a chance to collect a conversation together. I listened, responding with a muttered "yeah?" He looked directly at me too. "I've been think a lot since this morning, and even about what you said to me last night. I guess I just...needed to build up some form of courage in order to talk to you properly". I grew eager in hearing what he had to say. Finally, something to tell me what was going on. I knew he wouldn't do something like keeping it to himself. "It wasn's something I could exactly discuss with you, for my own reasons. But, truthfully, your thoughts are your own. There's no way I can assume what you will or won't say. I was...afraid of whag you might say if I told you the truth about happened, about why I'm acting so strangely". What was he talking about? I didn't know but the build-up was killing me. "But I figured out that I shouldn't put this much worry on you. If I just tell you what's wrong, then maybe we can talk about it together and work something out. I don't want to be afraid of this, as much as I don't want to put pressure on you. Understand?" I nodded. "Of course I understand. Kizami, you won't put pressure on me-no matter ehat the case is. I-if it's something you've done or something that's happened to you, it won't matter to me because I'll stand by you always. Don't you remember that promise we made when we were kids? I'll always be with Kizami, no matter what". Kizami looked stunned by that, but his expression softened and he smiled. "You remember...too". "Absolutely. You're the man I love Kizami. I love you just as much as I love my parents and my friends, but on a different level. You're important to me and if something's truely bothering you, I want to help. I want to help you in anyway I can". I took a firm hold of Kizami's hands. They were warm and soft, but shook slightly in my grip. 

He looked to our intertwind hands, his fingers wrapping around the base of my hands. He smiled at me. "Kurosaki, I...I understand. I think I've made my decision. I want to tell you what happened last night. It may shock you, but I have to tell you and discuss it with you. It's very important, and I need you to trust me one-hundred percent. I trust you and I love you, and that's why I'm going to tell you". I was so eager for it. He was really going to tell me. I had to know. I had to discuss it with him and get to the heart of the problem along side him. Anything to make him smile honestly again. "Kurosaki, I-...". He was about to speak, getting my hopes up, but then people gathered to the front of the platform as the robotic announcement went off overhead. The train was coming: Kizami's train. "Shit, I have to go". "Really? Awh, damn it...". "I know, I know. I wish I could bail out of work, but I can't. If I get the next train I'll be really late. But don't worry". Kizami stood, and I followed. We walked among the crowd, the train turning towards us from a corner on the tracks. "You're free tonight, right? I'll come to your apartment tonight around...seven. We can have dinner and discuss what I absolutely have to tell you. It can wait, but I need you to do something for me until then". I paid close attention to what he was saying, nodding to present my understanding. Kizami came towards me, the train slowing down to the edge of the platform. "Kurosaki...". He muttered my name, hugging me securely. I could feel his warm breath tickle my ear. I remained still. He spoke, quietly, right into my ear so that I was the only one who could hear it. No one else. "...Stay away from Shinji Yoshida". 

Deafening. His words were almost deafening, sending shock waves throughout my body, especially my brain. A pulse ran through my heart in a quick, skipped beat. Wh-what? Senpai? S-stay away from Senpai? Why? What did he do? What happened? Kizami pulled away from me, seeing how speechless I was. "I'm sorry". He muttered. "But please do as I ask. I have my reasons, okay? I love you Kurosaki, so, so much". I snapped out of my state when Kizami leaned into me once more to land a kiss on the corner of my lips. I leaned into them, kissing the center of Kizami's lips lightly. "I-I love you too...". I whispered, feeling heavy-hearted. "I'll see you tonight". Kizami entered the train, going through the doors and standing behind them to watch me as he left, waving a brief goodbye. I waved back as the train left the station, all until it was out of sight and out of mind. I cradled my stomach, feeling a heavy pressure along my abdomen, plus several butterflies fluttering inside and making me feel nausious. Was it a good idea for Kizami to tell me that much? It must have been a warning if that's the case. Stay away from Shinji-Senpai. Why? I didn't understand. Sure, they didn't get along, but this was totally serious. Kizami was definitely serious about this. In that case, I had to try and follow his wish, right until he spoke to me about whatever the hell was going on. I had to know as soon as possible. Could I wait for seven in the evening? I had to. And there was no way I could ask Senpai about all this, that would cauxe trouble. Big trouble. What do I do? What could I do? My thoughts were a mess. I needed to be patient and wait for whatever, hoping for the best case scenario. But was there a best case? Who knows. I had to go to work, reset my brain and distract myself. That's what I had to focus on now. That was all for now... 

I finished work, walking out and hurridly checking my cellphone for the time. 1700. It wouldn't be for another two hours. The thoughts had came back to me like a rush to the head, all thoughts and feelings weighing heavily and unbalanced. This was the point in which Kizami's words stuck in my head like glue. I couldn't get them out. "Stay away from Shinji Yoshida", he said. That sent chills through my body. That worried me, but I suppose I can be thankful he told me something; but a warning? Has Shinji-Senpai...done something wrong? I could only ask myself that question without receiving an answer from anywhere, at least until I met with Kizami. I could be patient until then. That's what I decided. My feet carried me home in quick, rushed steps. I wanted to get there as soon as possible. My intention wasn't to meet Senpai until whatever was going on was resolved, until I had answers. At least that was what I had planned. 

I walked up the stairs of my apartment building, reaching my home within seconds. Now, it's a cliché situation, isn't it? If manga and such has taught me anything; it's that things usually don't always go the way you want them to. As I approuched the top of the stairs, I saw the person that I absolutely had no intention of seeing right now. Shinji...I froze, as did he. But his greeting was normal. "Hey. You're back earlier. What, did you run home?" "Ah, no. I didn't". I answered truthfully, but felt awkward talking to him. "Listen, Sen-Senpai, I have to go, but we can talk later, okay? See ya". I was quick, didn't talk much and left as soon as I could. But that didn't work either. It felt like nothing would as the pressure continued to build up. "Oi...". No..."Can I ask you something?" Leave me be. I had no choice but to turn around, unwilling but curious. I didn't say a word, gulping. Senpai stared at me with a serious expression. He spoke. "Are you...interested in having me draw you?" Huh? "Uh...Um...what?" "I'm asking if I can draw you for an art project. It's for a art class I take outside of college. I have to sketch someone at an angle of my choosing. Wanna do it?" I didn't know what to say. How do I answer that? It seemed harmless but...Kizami warned me. I trusted Kizami, despite his general thoughts on Shinji. I didn't know what was going on with Kizami or Shinji. I was...conflicted as to whether listen to Kizami's warning or do something totally harmless for a friend. "Is there no one else you can ask?" "Hm? No, not really. Why, are you busy?" "W-well...". I had no other choice. Sorry, Shinji. "Yeah, kinda. I'm actually starting my CV today". I had to lie, even just a little. But..."That's fine. Is it alright if I draw you while you do it? I won't get in the way; you'll barely know that I'm here". "Uh...!" What do I do? I didn't know what to do...He'd definitely find it weird if I turned him down. This was...the worst situation. 

I ended up beginning my CV on my laptop, inside my room while Shinji sat in the corner to draw me. He was quiet, only the scratches of his pencil on paper making a sound, and the tapping of the laptop keys. Well, it gave me a chance to work on it while I had it. But...I could have gone around the situation and taken an easier route, surely. My excuse: my brain was muddled. I just hoped he would finish before Kizami arrived. That was an hour and a half from then. "Senpai, is this gonna be just a rough sketch?" "Hm? Sorta. Why, am I distracting you?" "A little, sorry". "I think your attention span needs improvement. Now hold as still as you can, while you type of course. This is a better model than a naked woman, trust me". "Wh-why do you say that?" "You have a better figure. The models we have are so garish to look at while you're so casual and collected. You don't show off at all". Was that the same as calling models garish? "Showing off" could mean two different things, in looks and personality. "I'll let you in on a secret, Kurosaki. Just keep your head facing your laptop while I talk, okay?" I agreed, hesitating. "You're the only person I've ever told, but...I dated a model once". "Huh? Seriously?" I asked, focusing on the computer. I suppose I was too, technically-but I never really saw that in Kizami. "Of course, it didn't work out. Too popular and egotistic for me". Why was he telling me this? I didn't know, and I didn't quite understand why I questioned that. "I judge people by their personalities more than their looks, Kurosaki. It's become a habit-even on how they greet someone. It seems clear if this person can become an aquaintance or an enemy of mine". I kept quiet. Did he do the same for me too? Did he judge me based upon my personality, or the way I acted in front of him? I grew tense, goosebumps forming over my arms and legs. 

"That's why I chose to talk to you more, Kurosaki. It's because I liked talking to you. I wanted to do it more". I had stopped typing, realising that Shinji had ceased drawing me. "You know, you're the first person whom I've ever been this close to. It's strange, but it's you're fault too, Kurosaki". I wanted to stand up, get out of there-despite it being my own apartment. I felt really tense. His voice's tone changed quite quickly too. I was shaking. "Kurosaki...". His voice was closer, that fact causing my body to spasm into action, turning my head towards Shinji as quickly as I could. My body reacted immediaty, seeing that he had crawled closer towards me. I shifted away, reaching out until my hand hit his chest in order to keep him at arm's length. I was scared. Really scared. Kizami...I wanted Kizami to be there more than ever, but at the same time I didn't want him to see this at all. Was this why...he warned me? This?! Shinji, with a serious expression fixed onto his face, grabbed by wrist and held it away from him so he could lean closer. I was completely frozen, unable to move. He was so close until our noses were nearly touching. What do I do? I couldn't find my composure to push him away. Kizami! Help! "Kurosaki...I'm in love with you, and I want you to take responsibility for it". "Hahh! No!" I gasped as if all processing thought caught up and slapped me in the face. That causing a chain reaction in my physical body. I swung my hand against Shinji's, hitting his chest again to push him away. At the same time I swerved in the other direction in order to get up and run away. But I was too abrupt; falling and bluntly landing on my side and then my back. Immediatly after, Shinji got on top of me, holding my arms to the floor. He leaned in without warning, pressing his lips forcefully to the very corner of mine as I turned my head away. No...No! Stop! 

I shot my head into a different direction, gaining the strength the push Shinji away. "Stop it! Stop it, Senpai! I don't want this!" I shoved him away, clumsily scrambling to my feet. I had to run. I didn't know where-just somewhere! "Kurosaki...!" Shinji came after me. I exited the bedroom, heading straight for the front door. My lip hurt. I think he might have nicked it with his teeth in the struggle. How do I explain that to Kizami? How do I-...?! 

Just as I asked myself these question in my head, my hand reaching for the front door and opening it without my shoes on, I found myself freezing in place. My heart skipped a dull beat, the pain horrific for a single second before catching up with my body and thoughts. I panted softly, the footsteps of Shinji stopping behind me as well. My eyes widened, brimming with tears. My palms were sweaty, my lungs heavy with fear. Processing all of this, just walking in on the whole scene that even I couldn't understand...was Kizami. Seeing him look so puzzled, and then shocked was enough to promote fear into my heart. But what really got to me in those few seconds...was the anger that I haven't seen on his face for years and years. And it honestly terrified me to the core. Kizami...I'm so sorry... 

To Be Continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uuuuugh....What have I done?! Uhh...No...I'm going to end up showing that side of Kizami that I never intended to show at full force...Jealously! And protectiveness! Aaaagh...Sorry everyone! I'm a horrible person-but don't worry! Just see what happens, okay?


	62. My Harbouring Thoughts About Us...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ghhhhhhaaaaaah...Okay, this is going to take a turn now, not sure if it's for the worst or...for nuetral. I never really brought certain things up about Kizami which are sort of coming up now, but it should make sense about him but possibly cause you all to mildly dislike me and the way I do things, so...I'm sorry if you end up feeling that way. But don't worry! If I do this right, then things should be alright!

Kizami's POV

I had been thinking a lot since I left Kurosaki at the train station. Even before that, I had these thoughts circling around my head about my feelings that I had harboured for years, ever since I was a child actually. It was difficult to think that these thoughts were wrong and that they presented this side of me that would come up again in the right situation, hitting me and the people around me harder than when I kept those feelings to myself. My siblings overshadowed me, and I had to look up to them. The way I was, I knew I could never do that; to live up to my parent's standards. I was always different. After developing a hatred for my sibling's attitude towards me, I started resenting them and pushing them away. I didn't want to look up to anyone. I wanted to be looked up to. That's when, more than ever, I wished for a younger sibling. Someone weaker than I who would call for help for the smallest things and...need me. That's how it started. That's when I developed these thoughts and wishes about having something precious in my life that I could protect and maybe even love. I did have that, in the end. But this was more than anything I could have ever imagined, and it...it worried me greatly. So I ended up thinking a lot, and decided to discuss these thoughts with Kurosaki, in the hope that I could figure out what we both wanted to do. I couldn't go on like this; not while realising these feelings that I had kept locked away for so long could potentially damage our relationship. I had to talk to him before it was too late. That's part of the reason why I wished to talk to Kurosaki at his apartment. I grew anxious during the wait and decided to go early to see him. He would have finished work anyway. I couldn't predict when it was "too late". That thought didn't cross my mind as I walked up the stairs in his apartment building and reached his door. As I reached to knock, I heard footsteps hit the floor, closing in on me. That's when I hesitated, and that's when the door opened. 

I stood frozen as it swung open before my eyes. Kurosaki had opened it, eyes watering and cheeks red. First was confusion. I noticed the slight bruise on his lip. Then it was shock. When I processed these thoughts, Kurosaki standing silently in front of me, I heard the second pair of footsteps behind him. I raised my head, and anger followed swiftly. "K-Kizami...". Kurosaki's voice was small and scared. Yoshida...that bastard...He stood behind him, looking as shocked as I did just a few minutes ago. I clenched my fist, my head dropping. "K-Kizami, it's...Uh, pl-please don't get angry. I did as you asked-I trusted you-but...I...". He was scared, scared of the situation or...scared of me. I didn't want that, but the anger deep within me took over quickly. I gently, very gently, pushed Kurosaki to the side with little effort. Upon realising that I was walking towards Yoshida, he grabbed my wrist securely to try and stop me. "Kizami, don't! You don't understand! Please, don't do anything stupid. Just...we can talk it out...please...". He was seriously begging me to stop, wishing for me to stay calm amd not do anything hurtful. I suppose there's no use in making accusations without evidence, right? "Kurosaki...". I know my voice was cold, but that's just how is came out in my state of anger. "Where did that bruise on your lip come from? Why is your face red? Why are you...crying?" It was an awful position I put him in, I know I would have felt terrible for it later. But this side of me was forcing its way into the light-and I had little to no control over it. If I had something precious to protect, I would get rid of anything that would scratch or stain it with filth. Yoshida, to me, was that filth. 

Kurosaki hesitated, his hands shivering around my wrist. He had loosened his grip by accident. That bastard touched Kurosaki by force-anyone could see that! He...He made Kurosaki cry. I clenched my fist tightly, swinging it away from Kurosaki's grasp. "Kizami, no! Stop!" I immediatly charged for Yoshida inside the small apartment. He had little time to react as I knock him back into the wall. He fell, nis back against the wall. I joined him, facing him, grabbing the collar of his shirt. I pulled my fist back with clenched teeth, ready to beat him to death. "Kizami, stop it!' Kurosaki rushed after me, wrapping his arms around my raised one to keep me from hitting Yoshida and breaking his teeth. I had never so angry in my life. The fact that Yoshida hurt my precious thing was unforgivable. These were the thoughts swimming through my head at a painful speed. My head hurt. Something inside was screaming for me to stop, but something else was whispering slyly into my ear, telling me to continue. I listened to the latter in those few seconds. No one hurts Kurosaki. No one! "Kurosaki, let go!" I say that, but..."No, Kizami! I won't! You have to stop!" In the end, the one who can easily hurt Kurosaki..."I mean it! Stop this now! I don't want to see you this way! This isn't you, so please...". The person more capable of hurting Kurosaki was..."...?". ...me. 

This wasn't...me. It wasn't...the real me. What...What is the real me? Who...am I, really? Who am I with or...without Kurosaki? Which Yuuya Kizami am I, in the end? 

I started to tremble. These voices in my head...it hurt so much. What were they trying to say? I couldn't hear them properly! I felt the corners of my eyes sting with tears. It couldn't be...What the hell was this? "Kizami...?" I heard Kurosaki's voice through an echo. Was I...hurting him? Did I...deserve Kurosaki? Am I really sick? Is there something wrong with me? The thoughts and the voices swirled around with no end. I felt my body go limp as I collapsed to the side. "Ki-Kizami?! Kizami!" I fell bluntly against the floor., my sides aching from the impact. I felt dizzy and nauseous. Everything was spinning around in circles. Kurosaki loomed over me in a blur shaking me gently. "Kizami, wake up! Kizami?! Wha-...What happened?! Kizami...". I could hear tears through his words. Kurosaki's voice was becoming more distant. 

This elevated quickly. I guess I kept all of this bottled up for far too long, now I was suffering from it. I doubt Kurosaki really recognised this partmof me; this, jealous, protective, even evil side of me. These feelings I had for Kurosaki were too strong for me to fully control. I couldn't handle the thought of someone hurting the thing that I wanted to keep safe. Kurosaki was my first. When I saw that Yoshida had hurt him...I lost it. I lost myself. Whoever that was. To be with Kurosaki, it hurts me greatly. To think that he was such a kind, but fragile, being hurt me. He was the only person I had in my life who cared and showed me real love. For that to be taken away, only then would I feel the crushing sensation of lonliness. I didn't want to be alone. As much as I prefered my solitude as a child, I didn't want to feel alone. I'm burdened with hidden fear, Kurosaki being my only safety net. I knew wasn't healthy. I knew that I couldn't live like that. So, what lay in store for us if I felt that way? I could never leave him; what would that solve? But if I was with him for too long, I knew I would be the one to hurt him next. I didn't want that. I didn't...at all. I loved too much, but it felt like I didn't love him enough. What could I do? What could I do for myself? For Kurosaki? For us? Kurosaki...Kurosa-...-ki... 

I woke up, my eyes still closed. My head hurt, as did my arm and hip on the same side. I groaned, feeling strain but also warmth around my body below the neck. My head rested against a pillow, I assumed. I finally opened my eyes, my gaze meeting the ceiling above. There was light in the room, but it was bright. Was it nighttime? "Oh, you're awake. Thank goodness". Kurosaki...That was his voice. I heard the clinking of a tray being set beside me. I turned my head, seeing a pair of sock-covered feet rest on the floor with the legs upright. I sat up slowly, hissing at the pain in my head. "I'm glad you're okay. You had me really worried. Uh, I thought you're head would hurt from earlier, so I got some painkillers out. Ah, but I made some noodles as well, since you can't eat them on an empty stomach". Kurosaki wasn't looking at me as he took out two painkiller capsules from the small box. He set them down before picking up the bowl of noodles in a vegtable broth. It was under a dish towel so he wouldn't burn himself. "Careful, it's hot". "Uh, thank you". I thanked him, resting the bowl on my legs. I took the chopsticks provided, stirring the food around first awkwardly. "Um, Kizami, if you want, we could go see a doctor. You fainted so suddenly, I...". "Don't bother. I'm alright. I just have a bit of a headache. It should go after I eat and take those painkillers". "R-right...well, take your time". This felt weirdly awkward. I suppose it would be, after what happened earlier. I ate what I could since I didn't have much of an appetite. I guess something is better than nothing. I ate in silence, putting the bowl back on the tray and picking up my painkillers and water provided. I gulped them down, sighing. "Thank you very much, Kurosaki". "Are you going to sleep now? I was just going to take a bath before bed, so...you can just rest up and take one in the morning, okay? Well, goodnight". Just as he was ready to stand up, I took hold of his hand swiftly. He remained sitting, frozen. I couldn't let this end in silence. I had to say something and apologise for my actions and...explain some things to him. 

"Kurosaki, I'm...I'm so sorry for my actions earlier. I wasn't thinking and I just...". "It's okay, Kizami". He answered briefly, putting on a smile. "I'm not mad or anything. It's just...you surprised me and I-". "Stop it". I cut him off. Don't say that. Don't lie and pretend everything's fine. "That bastard hurt you-and I...I did the exact same, didn't I? I saw how...s-scared you were of me. Don't pretend everything's fine when its clearly not". "Wha-...How could you say that? I was shocked at the situation-I could never be scared of you. You're my boyfriend-as well as my best friend-and I love you". "That doesn't mean you can't be angry...Be angry at me you idiot! Tell me what I did was wrong and that I should apologise to Yoshida instead of you! Although he hurt you...although he touched you so forcefully...I shouldn't have acted so aggressively! If it went any further...if I hadn't passed out I would have...I would have killed him, you know". There was silence. It was an intimidating, but seeemingly unrealistic, thing to say. I knew it would seem that way, but I knew more than anyone that I was capable of going that far. I truely was. "Kizami, how...Don't say something like that! Of course you wouldn't kill him-are you an idiot?!" "Yeah, I'm an idiot! I'm an idiot for so many things that happened in my life! My parents disowning me, my siblings looking down on me and for... for falling in love with you!" I let go of his hand, standing up abruptly. "If I had known I would end up over-reacting the way I did when someone touches you like that without talking it over then...I would never have gotten this close to you. Do you understand? I would never have fallen so deeply in love with you". My voice was quiet, trembling sligtly as the pain pulsed through my head. But it was numb compared to the pain squeezing my chest. "Kizami, what are you talking about? Look, it was my fault too. I should have been clear with Shin-...Yoshida in the first place. I should have told him that I was going out with you, then maybe he would have left us be". "I suppose. But that doesn't change the fact that, at the back of my mind, I know I would try to lock you away from anyone that tries to hurt you. Anyone". 

"Why are you saying these things? Don't say something so exaggerated. I-if you were jealous then I don't care! Everyone gets jealous, but just know that I could never feel this way about anyone else but you. I-I'll even talk to Yoshida tomorrow and explain to him clearly that I don't like him in the same way. I'll be clear! So please...please, Kizami...". "You still don't understand". I spoke firmly now, my hands trembling from the fear about what I was going to admit next. It was the only way. I couldn't let things go on this way, otherwise...God, I didn't even now what would happen in the future. "Kurosaki, it isn't just with Yoshida". "...?" "I...I've had these thoughts ever since I was a child; that if I found something I could protect and maybe even love...I promised myself I would never allow any filth to reach it. This has always been in my head, it's become a part of me--to be protective and caring and even loving. You have always been there for me, through thick and thin. I have never met someone so selfless and amazing as you. Kurosaki, you...You bring out the best in me, you make me happier than I ever could have been. If anyone ever hurt you, or if I ever lost you...I know I would lose myself and fall to pieces. That sounds dramatic-I know-but it really is the truth. Kurosaki, you're all I have left. And that scares me. It's terrifying to think that losing you would leave me all alone. I know you'll say that you won't leave me alone, but that's the problem. I can't feel dependant on you like this. If it continues, I'll end up hurting you one day. I'll lock you away sokewhere and keep you all to myself. I don't want that". 

It scared me so much. I scared myself, even. "Kurosaki, I couldn't tell you about Yoshida right away because he's your friend. He's a bastard to me, but, to you, he's a friend. I can't take that away from you. I can't take friends, or aquaintances away from you so selfishly. If I do that, I'm afraid you might only grow more distant from me. I don't want that, either. It's confusing, and it hurts...So I have to make some choices about myself and about...us". Kurosaki's eyes widened, and he suddenly grabbed both my hands. "Kizami! D-don't tell me you want to break up?! That...". "Of course not". I answered firmly. "That would solve nothing. Besides, I still love you more than anything. I just...need time. I think I can figure something out that might help us both. Splitting up will hurt us both without fixing anything". "Okay. I'm glad you think that way". "I do. Don't worry. I'll figure something out. I promise". 

Kurosaki approuched, hugging me securely within just a second. He gripped onto the back of my shirt, burying his face into my chest. I rested my chin on the top of his uead as I emhraced him too. He was shivering. "Shh, it's alright. Everything will be alright". I reassured him, kissing his forehead and petting the back of his headin comfort. Everything had to be alright. This was the moment when I realised that I could change for the better. I could become a better man for Kurosaki. It would just take time and...endurance. I had an idea of where to start on my journey to becoming better as a human being. Although it wasn't favourable, it could give me a push in knowing that I'm not alone in the world. Plus, it made the most sense to me. I had to do whatever I could. And it would start with a small phone call. Kurosaki and I took a bath together. I held him closely in my arms. We held hands and he...told me that he loved me, his voice trembling. That only made me squeeze him tighter and repeat the same words in his ear. My headache was gone, replaced by swimming thoughts and decisions that I had to make. My chest ached, not with pain but with a secure feeling that everything would turn out okay in the end. It was the first time in my life that I had felt true hope. If things went smoothly, it wouldn't be the last time that I had trusted it. 

I cuddled Kurosaki under the same futon that night. All was quiet once he fell into a deep sleep. I was awake, ready to do what needed to be done. I checked the time on my cellphone. It wasn't that late. I doubted my call would be ignored anyway. I slipped out of the futon carefully, making sure not to wake Kurosaki up. I snuck into the main room with the phone in hand, and shut the bedroom door quietly. Sitting down by the table, I dialed the number which I thought would never be seen on my cellphone screen. I hesitated, taking a deep breath. I pressed the call button and held the receiver to my ear. It rang. And rang. And rang, until, finally...["Hmn...Hello?"] I hesitated again. But I knew I had to speak. I clenched my fist on my lap. "Uh...Hey. It's me...Yuuya".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...Sorry for not updating sooner, everyone. I haven't been in the best of health recently-especially over Christmas (2015). I've just been feeling like crap with a really bad cold, so you can imagine that I've not been in the mood to write anything. I've slowed down on this story and I've slowed down on all my other stories; Corpse Party, Gintama and Class Redemption, my mixed crossover story. I'm sorry if this comes out later than usual. I just haven't been feeling too good since the 23rd. Hope this is still okay. I should feel better soon and when that happens I'll get into this a lot more. This and other fics that I keep leaving on hiatus, okay? Thank you for understanding. You're all the best. :)


	63. The Turn Of A New Leaf

Kurosaki's POV

After that night, Kizami left my apartment in the morning. He gave me a kiss and told me everything would be okay from now on. We organised to meet at the summer festival that night, wearing our yukatas. Before then he wanted to do some more thinking and figure out what he wanted to do in order to make things better for the both of us. I was happy that we didn't have to break up. That wouldn't help us. If anything, it would only make things worse. I trusted that everything would turn out okay in the end, and that we could go back to being a normal couple who go on dates and that are intimate with eachother. Kizami said that we have to take a short break from intamacy; stuff like sex, I mean. There had to be some sort of line we couldn't cross before Kizami got a chance to sort things out. We needed to be at some sort of distance while he found a way to keep himself from, supposedly, hurting me in any way. I understood his wishes and left it at that. The only job that I volunteered for was to talk to Yoshida and explain things clearly to him. I didn't want to ruin our friendship, but Kizami meant a lot to me. I needed to be honest and tell him the truth instead of hiding it. So, after Kizami left, I went to Yoshida's apartment to confront him and talk to him. 

I was cautious, telling myself that if anything happened, I would leave right away and keep my distance from Yoshida. But I knew he was smarter than that. What he did to me might have been on one stupid whim, but he certainly wouldn't do it again. I knew he could be a sensible guy. He just needed the truth. I knocked on his apartment door and waited patiently for him to open it. However, I received a reply from the other side of the door instead. ("Who is it?") His voice called out from the other side, a quiet tone in his voice. "I-it's Kurosaki. Senpai, we have to talk". ("What about?") He was being a bit difficult. "Just open the door and I'll explain. You have to trust me". I heard tapping of footsteps from inside, closer and closer to the door. Several chains could be heard from inside, rattling against the wood of his door. He locked it? It opened slightly, and Yoshida peered through with a serious expression. He looked around behind me, probably expecting to see Kizami, and then only saw me. That's when he opened the door fully, leaning against the wall. "Do you wanna come in?" "Uh...sorry, I don't think that would be wise, as much as I want to". "Kurosaki, I'm sorry about what I did. I never expected that beast Kizami to attack me like tha-". "He's not a beast". I said firmly. Yoshida looked taken aback by my words. "He was just angry at you. It was clear you attacked me-anyone could figure that out after what you said to him. What were you thinking?" Senpai grew quiet, and then let out a sigh. "Alright. I get it. I'm sorry for doing what I did. It was out of line. The first chance I get, I'll apologise-but he should too". "Don't worry. He knows". "...Good. Now...come in. There's still some things I should talk to you about". "...Sure, okay".

I had agreed. Surely it would be okay. Things had somewhat cooled down. The fact that he invited me in showed that he had a lot of explaining to do. We sat at the table, and it just sort of flowed from there. "Kurosaki...I really do love you. I have to get that topic out of the way. I shouldn't have attacked you like that, but I kinda lost control. This is the first time I've felt like this about anyone, really". Kizami was the same. I was his first, too. That made me happy, but hearing it from Senpai somehow made me feel uneasy. I'm not that special-especially to Yoshida. What does he see in me? "It's a bit much to throw around the word "love", I know. But it's the only way to describe it. I told you I dated a model before, right?" I nodded. "Well, that model was...a man". I was taken aback. I always thought Yoshida was straight. But, from experience with Kizami, it must have been more than just sexuality. "It sounds odd coming from me, but he was charming and nice and a good friend who I sort of...experimented with. Of course, it didn't last. He would flirt with other women without telling them he was dating me, a guy. Eventually it got "too risky" for him to keep dating me in case the editors found out. The moron put his career and the women before me. Ever since then I've despised people who use their looks to pass every test in life. He stopped talking to me all together and I was put off dating anyone with a pretty face. Then...you came along". When he uttered those words, a gentle smile drifted onto his lips. It was different to see him smile. It suited him, even. "You are cute in apperance, Kurosaki. But you have passions for so many other things that had nothing to do with your looks. You were a good friend to me-the best I've ever had. You actually smiled at me and didn't turn your back to me once. Eventually I grew attracted to all those things and...fell in love. I couldn't really make a move because I suspected Kizami of already having you. That's correct, isn't it? You're dating him". 

I froze, but then relaxed again. There was no point hiding it anymore. "Yeah, but it's more than that. I...I really love Kizami, and I know he loves me more than anything in the world. He wanted to protect me from you after what happened last night, but he got carried away. He knows this because he never wants to hurt me. We're trying to sort some things out, and talking to you about this was more than ideal. I'm sorry, Yoshida. I can never return your feelings. I love Kizami too much, as my lover and as family. He's my bestest friend in the whole world". Yoshida gave me a nod. "I, uh, understand. If that's how you both feel, I won't interfere. But if he does hurt you, don't hesitate to end it, Kurosaki. There's no happiness in that". "Don't say that. Kizami could never hurt me. Sure, he a bit over-protective at times but a lot of people are in many different forms. Kizami wants to change that so he doesn't do anything drastic like last time. The only reason he did it was because he forced yourself on me. I won't let anything like that happen again, to either of us". "Of course. Sorry again". "Don't worry, I just hope we can still be friends. I'm sure Kizami wouldn't really mind if I explain". "That would be perfect. Thank you, Kurosaki. I'm sure, in time, I can only see you as a friend". That was good. We sorted it out. Everything was off to a great start. "Well, I better go. I have work later and then I'm meeting Kizami for the summer festival tonight". "Oh, right. It's the first day today. I'll be sure to come along later. I'm helping with the fireworks, after all". "Cool. I guess I'll see you then". With a goodbye, I left the apartment. Now all I had to do was wait for tonight. Good thing work would keep me occupied. I got out my cellphone as I headed into my apartment to grab my stuff for work. I had to call Kizami and tell him that everything was okay on my end. I felt a lot better since the other day. Who knows? Maybe things would really go back to normal sooner than later. 

... 

That night, I returned to my apartment from work. People were already heading over to the festival in their yukatas. It was about time I changed too. I left my rucksack on the floor and headed straight to my bedroom. I had stored the folded yukata inside my closet for that day. Earlier I received a text from Kizami saying that he would be waiting at the entrance to the festival. This meant that I had to hurry. I stripped off my hoodie and jeans before slipping on my new yukata. It was a nice navy blue colour, cutting down to my ankles. It had been so long since I actually wore one, that and the footwear. I wrapped the sky blue sash around my waist to tie it together. I looked in the standing mirror at the corner of my room, and felt a little bashful. As I stared at myself, cheeks a little pink, I hoped that Kizami would like it. It really brought out my figure, so, yeah, most likely. I even turned to a different angle to see if my butt stood out. "Phew...". I sighed in relief. Good thing it's more small and perky than round. Shaking slightly from nervousness, I decided to head out. It wasn't too far away, so Kizami probably wouldn't be waiting long. My heart was already pounding from both shyness and excitement of the festival. And as I walked alone, I couldn't help but think and plan all the stuff that we could do through the night, as a couple. 

I reached the entrance, many people entering festival grounds with family or lovers. I looked around in front of the stone steps that led up to the open hall of stalls the shrine up ahead. Kizami didn't appear to have arrived yet. That's what crossed my mind as I looked around, but then I..."Kurosaki, you're here". I heard his voice behind me, approuching the entrance and me. I turned around and my eyes widened. I spotted Kizami, and he stopped right in front of me. His eyes were also slightly wide upon seeing me, red fading onto his cheeks. "Uh...Kurosaki...W-wow, you look...gorgeous". G-gorgeous?! Me? My heart raced in my chest. If anything, Kizami was the gorgeous one. His yukata was black, a flower design of the same faded colour sewn onto the long sleeves and down one side of where his legs would be. The sash around his waist was a dark red. It suited him so well, I was totally speechless. This felt like nothing happened the other night, like everything was back to normal. It wasn't completely back to normal, but this moment felt incredible. I felt like I had Kizami back, the smiling, gentle Kizami. That was the real him, for sure. "Kizami, you look...really beautiful, too. I mean...uh...You know what? Yeah, you do look beautiful. I love it". My voice was timid and I was staring at the ground with my cheeks red, but I told him the truth. I felt a warm hand hold mine, Kizami's hand. He squeezed it, I raised my head, and he began leading us up the stairs. "Come on, I want to see the signs we painted put up". He was smiling a gentle smile. I really did have him back. I walked at the same pace as him, squeezing his hand lovingly, not caring about what others thought. 

Wandering around, Kizami and I played a few games at the stands. Shooting games, scooping goldfish and a lot of other games seen at the summer festival. It made me feel like a kid again to carve out 2-D rabbits from sheets of candy. Kizami seemed to be having fun, too. I had not seen him so happy in those couple of days. He was actually smiling while holding my hand. I loved seeing him like this, but I wondered if he had done anything during the day after he left. It wasn't the time to ask, so I just enjoyed the festival with him. 

The place did begin to get more crowded as the night went on. Before the fireworks display would begin, we visited the shrine atop more stone steps. Light glimmered around it as people made wishes and clapped their hands together in silence. It was practically mandatory to visit the shrine at least once during the festival. Kizami and I did it too, making our own wishes for the rest of the year. We never told eachother our wishes, cause that's bad luck. I wanted him to always find happiness and to never be alone. That was my wish. "Look, people are crowding around that hill". I pointed out. "Must be the fireworks display. Come on, Kizami. Let's get a good spot". I held his hand, leading him down the steps and down the path towards the hill. By the time we reached an empty spot, it was clear to see that a lot of people had been looking forward to the fireworks all evening. From where we sat, we could see many excited expressions through the crowd of people, seated or standing. Kizami and I sat on the grass below, side-by-side. We were quite close together too. The sky was clear up ahead-for now. "Kurosaki, I'm, uh...". Kizami spoke quietly, almost to himself from a bashful tone. I looked to him, seeing that he was staring at the earth under him. "Kurosaki, I'm glad we could spend summer festival together. I hope we can for the next three years of university too". Why would he...? "Kizami, why are you saying that? Of course we're spending the next three festivals together, and even after that. I want to always enjoy the festival with you". He looked to me when my words reached him. He smiled gently, reaching for my hand to hold. "I know. And we will. I look forward to it". He was squeezing my hand securely, but his wad shaking slightly. "Kizami...?" It worried me. His smile disappeared, a sigh escaping his lips. "Kurosaki, I-". Before he could utter a word, there was a whizzing from the distance, silence and then...an explosion. 

Lights filled the sky in a matter of seconds, bright sparks that seemed to put everyone in a trance of smiles and amazement. It happened again; the whizzing, the silence and then the explosion of colour. It continued on, showering the sky in a colourful glow. I couldn't help but watch. "Kurosaki...". But then Kizami's voice broke through, and my eyes and focus went straight to him. He was looking at me now, seriously. "I...I'm going away for a few days at a time starting next week. I'm going to...visit my siblings and try to fix things with them". My eyes widened, and all sound numbed in my ears for a fraction of a second. There was a silence between us, only the explosions of fireworks popping and blasting in the distance. "Your...siblings? You meam you...Haah, Kizami...". It surprised me-certainly-but I couldn't help but feel happy for him. I smiled, but Kizami kept a straight expression. "I figured that I should build a better relationship with them. I have to, so that I'm not alone anymore. Although I have you, Kurosaki, I need more of a foundation in my life. Even though I can never forgive my parents for what they did...I can at least give my brother and sister another shot. I want to give them a chance for once, since they were the only people to look after me growing up. So, I'm taking a few days off from university to go see them in Tokyo, where my sister moved. Hopefully I can fix things with them while there's still a chance". I thought it was amazing. If Kizami did that, and things went well, there's no way he would be alone in the world with just me. He could make things right with them. "I also plan to try and make more friends. It'll be hard, but I at least want to socialise with a few. But no matter what, you'll always be my best friend, Kurosaki. Always". This was definitely for the best. I felt so happy for Kizami. I let go of his hand, hugging him instead. "Kizami, I'm so happy for you. I hope everything goes well. If it does, I'm sure you'll be a lot happier. This means we can go to normal, right?" He hugged me too. "Of course...". Answering quietly, but clearly as he buried his face into my shoulder. His hand snaked its way to back of my head as he pulled away, a light kiss suddenly pressed on my lips. "I love you, Kurosaki". The fireworks continued behind us, all eyes focused on the pretty lights in the sky while Kizami and I savoured this precious moment. Even if it would only last a few more seconds, I wanted it to remain in my memory as the turn of a new leaf for Kizami, the start of his true happiness. 

The fireworks died down, soon silence and darkness filling the sky. The crowd stood and began walking away from the area. Conversation jumped around between the audience as they walked down the hill. They went down the path, heading away from fesitval grounds. Even people from the stands and stalls began to leave their posts for the evening. Kizami and I stood up too, taking eachother by the hand. "Let's go to my place. I'll spread out a futon and we can just rest". "Okay, we can do that. But...". Kizami looked around as we walked down the path, seeing that the place had emptied quickly. "First...". "W-wah...!" He didn't explain. Instead, he dragged me by the hand into a tent-like stand. The light inside had been turned off, and all was quiet within. It seemed to have been a shooting game as the displays were still up. "K-Kizami, what the hell are you-mnh!" Kizami suddenly held me securely against his chest, pressing our lips together. I was so surprised that my eyes remained open and wide, my hands failing to grip onto Kizami from the shock of the sudden action. But then I soon relaxed, my eyes closing as Kizami guided me into a deeper kiss. My lips parted, a hot and wet tongue pushing past them. I gripped onto his yukata, my hands swerving their way to his back to hold on. Kizami's fingers ran through the back of my hair, his tongue skillfully playing with mine. I didn't understand why he would do this so suddenly; was what I thought, my cheeks hot with embarrassment. It only got worse when his hand slid underneath the front of my yukata, to my underwear. "Hmn?! N-nnh...Haah! K-Kizami, no...D-don't...N-not here-eek! A-haah~!". I gapsed, curling up as Kizami touched me-no, more like groped me-down there. I gasped and panted, feeling it tingle from the breezy air. Kizami was panting softly in excitement. No, this would be the second time we did it outsiiiide! Didn't Kizami have any self-control?! 

"K-Kizami, wait a minute...l-le-ah! L-let's hurry and g-go to my place...We can-nnh! D-do it there, so-oh! Haah!" He wasn't holding back. With a grin, Kizami whispered in my ear. "Sorry, I don't have the patience. Let's just do it here". "W-wait! Kizami-mmn...". Kizami pressed our lips together again. Was this becoming his way to keep me quiet? Shit...I couldn't resist. Didn't I have any self-control?! I suppose by the time we got back, I would be too tired to do anything, from all the excitement of the festival. Besides, Kizami planned to go away for a while, so we naturally wouldn't be able to do anything. Ah, well. Screw it. I'd consider it a quick going away present, even if it would be just a few days starting next week. Either way, I might as well let him do what he liked until then. I couldn't really hold back, either, since he started already. I was gonna give him an earful in the morning, definitely. 

... 

It was breezy. My yukata hung at my waist as I bent over the display of cardboard cut-outs. We had already done so much, I was tired, but we weren't finished yet. "Kizami, hurry...M-my yukata's slipping". "Do you want me to hurry because of your yukata, or do you want me to hurry for...a different reason?" He asked, sliding his cold finger down my bare back. I shivered, gripping onto the wooden table in front of me. Kizami's yukata hung loosely at his shoulders, the opening relvealing his chest. I couldn't look at that, especially in my position-but I couldn't look anyway. I backed my hips up slightly to meet his. "J-just hurry! Pl-please...hurry up...". "Haah, as you wish". Kizami overlapped my hand, lacing his fingers through my own. We held hands in that awkward position, my legs shaking underneath me as I felt it. "Hah-a-aah! Aah! Haah...Kizami...Ki-Kiza-aa!" "Kurosaki...Haaa...Kurosaki...". He leaned over my back, my head turning to meet him in an awkward kiss. Despite the breezy sensation, mixed with this hot sensation, my heart felt light. I couldn't focus on it during those moments inside that stand, covered up like a tent, but I felt happy. I was happy for Kizami; happy that he was changing in the best possible way. Our relationship would never change; I would always love Kizami for who he is, but I was happy that he wanted to find more. He wanted to fix things with his brother and sister and he even wanted to make new friends. I hoped from the bottom of my heart he would find what he was looking for. But, I would alwayd be behind him in supposrt and love. He would never lose that. He would never lose...me, for anything. Although breathless, pleasure rippling through my whole body, my vision blurry, I felt happiness for the man I loved. My best friend. In the end, no matter what...No matter what... 

... 

I was exhausted, so much so after what happened, Kizami carried me to my apartment. A piggy-back, at my age...It couldn't be helped, I suppose. When we reached my apartment door, I persisted that Kizami put me down. "Kizami, you can put me down now. I have to get the door open". "No, that's alright. Just give me the key. I want to put you to bed myself, alright? I did too much earlier, so...". "I don't mind. Just..put me...". I yawned a heavy yawn, my eyes watering. "See? You're exhausted. Now give me the key". "Ugh, fine. I don't have to energy to fight back. Here". I passed over the key. "I'll put you to bed, alright. We can cuddle up and take a bath together in the morning before I have to leave for college. If you're still tired, I'll make it up to you and buy you something sweet, okay? Just hang in there". Kizami unlocked my door, focusing on getting it open while I relaxed against his bafk slightly. I smiled, inhaling into his soft, black hair. No matter what...Kizami will never be alone. That crossed my mind as his kindness sent my heart racing. How can such a kind, gentle soul ever be alone? Never, was what I thought as he carried my limp, tired body to bed. All seemed quiet, excpet for my vastly beating heart and the sigh escaping through my soft smile...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haaah....I sorted things out, as intended. Well, I decided to evolve Kizami's character a bit more since falling in love with Kurosaki. Although there is that part of him still in there that shows a darker side, he knows he wants to get rid of it. That's what I've done. Is it good? Was that a good idea? Also, someone should make fanart of them wearing the yukatas! * ^ * (and maybe more nsfw fanart?...maybe...?)


	64. Building Bridges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will mostly consist of Kizami bonding with his siblings and healing at least some of the wounds left from childhood, so there will only be a little Kurozami in this one. Hope that's okay.

Kizami's POV

This was for the best; was what I thought when I made that phone call to Haruna. I was even surprised that she stayed on the line after hearing my voice, although perhaps she wouldn't recognise it at first. But she's sharp and...well, hasn't changed at all. In the past I could never use certain words to describe her; words like "doting" or "over-protective". I just blindly refered to her as a bitch and a pain in the ass for yelling at me or hitting me when I misbehaved. Do I now think that was the right thing to do? Like hell. Those times that she would slap me really hurt. But that's what I get for being the naughty little brother. I've grown up now, become a man who can stand tall and be mature. That's what I told Kurosaki on the morning of my leave to Tokyo. However, we were still in bed. 

"Yeah, you're a man alright". He responded, looking over my body as I lay on my side. "Look at those manly abs and manly arms". He slid his hand over my arm muscles, which tickled a little. "Haha, cut it out. That tickles". "Hmhm, sorry, sorry". I was happy to have things back to normal between us. I wanted it to stay like this; to have mornings, afternoons and evenings just like this. This was more perfect than anything I could imagine; however, that kind of mindset is the reason I need to build bridges with my siblings. If I want live normally and have the chance of a real future I have to destroy the wall I created around my heart. It wouldn't happen overnight, but this meeting with both my siblings was a start. I cuddled up to Kurosaki with all of that in mind, kissing his forehead softly, and then his cheek and then the bridge of his nose. He giggled quietly, his toes curling against mine from under the futon's cover. If he didn't stop neimg so cute, I knew for a fact I would lose all self-control and drown him in kisses, or end up going further. I had to get on a train in two hours, according to the alarm clock by my futon, but my problem was that I wanted to stay longer and smother Kurosaki with love and affection. Nope...I couldn't hold it. "W-wah! Hey! Kizami?! Whoah!" I lowered him down on his back, covering his face and body in sweet butterfly kisses. "See? This was what you've been saying. Haah...Come on, get up". "Can't do that". "Eh...?!" "I need to gain energy before I go to Tokyo. I'll really miss you while I'm gone". "Well try not to! The point of this is to help you find more to life than just smothering me! Come on, I love you too but you've gotta show some sort of strength when going about this. Gah-Can't you at least pretend that you don't wanna smothering me-like you're smothering me now?!" "Yeah, yeah, I know". 

I pulled away from kissing him, unable to keep back a smirk. He shook his head and rolled his eyes with a smile. "So, want me to make breakfast since you're getting ready?" "That's a big help, so thank you". "It's no trouble. I've actually really grown to enjoy cooking. Of course, I liked it before, but now it's more of a cool hobby. So, when you come back I'll have something made for you". "You don't have to do that. In fact, don't do that. I'll just end up doing unspeakable things to you if you're that nice to me". "Hey, Kizami, since when did you become so pervy? Did I do this? Did I do this to you?" I chuckled, brushing my knuckles over his cheek. "I guess so". I replied, leaning over to kiss his lips for just a second. "I'll take a bath and then make sure everything's packed up". "Okay. What do you want for breakfast?" "Uhh...Anything that's there is fine. Use up whatever's left since I won't be there to use it". "Right. Okay, I'll see what I can do". I gave Kurosaki another quick kiss before getting up. I didn't make it very far, however. "Uhh...Just a little bit more". I got right back into bed, surprising Kurosaki. "Wha-...Kizami! Hey! D-don't! Gah!" I wrapped my arms around his waist securely, smothering him in more kisses. "C-cut it out! Kizami~! H-hey! Get your hand out of there-uah!" "What? It's just torso that I'm touching. Don't make it sound perverted". "But it is perverted! K-Kizami! S-stop it!-It tickles! Gyaah! Wah! S-stop it, seriously-ugh!" Kurosaki's face had turned bright red, it was so cute. But to keep myself from embarrassing him more than I was, I kept quiet and slowed down a little on the teasing. Of course, that didn't mean I stopped completely... 

I checked everything I needed was packed right after I bathed. I had everything organised, everything in place. The only thing I was unsure of was my own feelings. I needed this, I knew that, but that didn't mean I could get cold feet. They were my older brother and sister; the only two people who raised when I turned out the way I did. They looked after me, but I had so many bad memories with them. As I thought about it, all the places they hit me in the past became somewhat feverish. As I thought about it, I placed my hand over my cheek. Haruna slapped me there after finding a dead rabbit by my feet. She hit me and yelled at me since it was obvious that I did it. Then I couldn't help but revert back to other things. It was odd to remember now but I vaguely remember Haruna telling me bed-time stories when I was an infant. Afterwards she would kiss my cheek and wish me a goodnight. It sounds so silly; the fact that I remember stuff like that in this moment. It's like I'm having another epiphany, just like when I realised my feelings for Kurosaki. 

Remembering these things over the top of my head, I got cold feet. ("Kizami, breakfast is ready!") I heard Kurosaki call out to me from the main room. That snapped me out of my daydreaming. I closed up my bag for the trip and carried it into the main room. When I entered, I dumped it next to the table and sat down with Kurosaki, in front of my meal. I was...surprised, honestly. "Ramen? Is that all I had?" "Uh, yeah. There was a little bit of rice, too. Still, eat up. You've got a long trip ahead of you. Tokyo's quite far". "It isn't that far away. Don't worry: I'll still call and text you". Kurosaki paused in the middle of his meal, a worried look on his face. Of course he would catch on. "Kizami, is something wrong?" No more hiding it. I would just be honest and tell him the truth. "Well, yeah, sort of. It's not a huge deal, I'm just nervous. Well, more accurately, I'm getting cold feet". "Oh, I see. Well, that's reasonable. You haven't spoken to your siblings in a long time. Plus, there's a lot of stuff that happened in the past. B-but don't think about the past". "...?" "It won't help you any, so just relax and take things step-by-step. You said it yourself; it's not like your relationship will be fixed over just a few days, but it'll surely help".

He was right; my thoughts exactly. It was normal to feel anxious in my situation, but to run away from it...That was not an option. I had to face them and build bridges a day at a time. It may take weeks, months, a couple of years until I have a good relationship with my siblings again, but through that time I would have to try hard but take it a step at a time in order to build that relationship back up. "Thank you, Kurosaki. I'll try my best-not just for myself, but for you and me, my siblings. I want to make this work at all costs". "Kizami, it will work. Just take your time". Kurosaki offered a sweet smile, giving me a small boost. There was never a day when Kurosaki wasn't supportive of me. He was always supporting me. I would have to pay him back someday, as a thank you would never be enough. Of course he wouldn't accept anything beyond a thank you, but there had to be something I could do in the future to repay him. I'd do anything to make Kurosaki happy, as he has done for me for so many years. 

Kurosaki dressed himself and got ready after me; my few bags packed and my mind temporarily at ease from Kurosaki's earlier support. We headed straight to the underground station and awaited my train. It was the longest ten minutes of my life, believe me. I've haven't felt so anxious since Kurosaki and I first slept together. That was months ago; before we started university, to be exact. "Kizami, it'll be fine. Don't worry". Kurosaki petted my arm in comfort, looking up at me with a smile that was just as comforting. Just then, the automated voice rang out through the station. My train was arriving very shortly. The tensity only grew. Before the train would pull up I had to say goodbye to Kurosaki. Turning to him, bags slung over my shoulder, I rested my hands on his shoulders and looked him right in the eyes. "Look, I know it won't be for long, but...I just want to say that I...I'll miss you very much, Kurosaki". "I'll miss you too. I know you'll be fine, just call me or text me when you get the chance. I don't wanna interfere". "I understand. Okay...I'll see you soon, then". I leaned in to give Kurosaki a quick kiss on the lips. I could here the rumbling of the tracks behind me and the loud roaring footsteps of the crowd lining up on the platform. "I'll call you tonight. How's that?" "Sure, okay. I'll wait for it. For now, get on the train and...do your best. I hope everything works out-which it will". I briefly nodded in understanding. We said our goodbyes and I boarded the train among the crowd. Just a few days, only a few days; was what I thought as I sat in an empty chair by the window. I looked out, waving goodbye to Kurosaki as it began to move. He disappeared behind the train, and my heart skipped a beat from his absence. I leaned back in my chair, my thoughts blank as I decided not to watch the city of Nagoya leave me. Kurosaki would be getting on the next train to Osaka soon, and we would be even farther apart. Well, these few days should distract me away from Kurosaki for a little while. We don't see eachother that often anyway, but being this far apart will only make my heart grow fonder; as the saying goes. I would miss him, but after these few days maybe I wouldn't be so alone. I wouldn't be alone...anymore... 

Haruna had organised this over the week with Kouki and her boyfriend, whose name I never learned. He wasn't around for the days that I was staying, Haruna made sure of it. I obviously didn't have to go looking for the apartment complex as Haruna said she would meet me at the station. The crowds in the station were huge, so I struggled to find her upon exiting the train, at least for a short while. I shifted and dodged around the people who made the crowd until I reached the back wall of the platform. There was a gap between the wall and the quickly dispercing crowd, a few people lined to make phone calls at the booths and so on. I sighed upon leaning my back to this wall, exhausted from the journey. I took to my right, the farthest side from the entrance/exit into the station. It was a relief that I did as I spotted Haruna in the distance. She was searching among the crowd, her phone to her ear. A frustrated expression quickly appeares on her features. I had no other choice but to walk over and meet her, since I already arrived. I hesitated, taking careful steps that moved as promptly as I felt neccessary. But it didn't take long for Haruna to catch my figure approuching from the corner of her eye. She closed her phone as she turned towards me, a smile now forming on her lips. It was strange; she looked more grown up than the last time I saw her. I think that was when I moved out from our parent's house. It had been so long. 

"Yuuya...!" She called out to me, rushing towards me with arms outstretched. They wrapped around my neck as she hugged me for the first time since I was a baby. My chest felt tight as I, shortly, hugged my sister back. I was so much taller now, it was rather shocking. "Oh my god, look at you. Did you grow again? You're so tall and...so handsome". She finished her sentence once she pulled away slightly, cupping both my cheeks. "Wow, you've matured a lot since you left. You need a shave and everything". I chuckled awkwardly, honestly feeling embarrassed about that. "Uh, yes, I guess I forgot this morning. I was kind of in a hurry". "Well, you're here now. Haah...It feels like forever. I can't believe you're in university now". "It wasn't easy, but I got into a good one". "Yeah...You're living on your own, too". I remember always being looked down upon by my siblings, always being the little brother. But now...Now my sister looked up at me with eyes and a smile that seemed almost proud of me. For that brief length of silence I truely felt that she acknowledged me as an adult who could take care of himself with very little help. That's what I did. I got a part-time job, got an apartment, got into a good university and so on. I grew up and became a man that neither Haruna nor Kouki could picture while I was a child. "Uh, I guess we should head to my place and help you settle. It isn't too far from the station, so you can rest soon. I'm sure you're tired". "Very. When's Kouki arriving?" "In the afternoon. I'm excited to see him too--it's been far too long. Come on, we should hurry and get out of the crowd. Tokyo's quite busy so stick by me, okay?" I rolled my eyes. "I will, I will". She was still a doting sister, just...kinder than before. 

It took some time, due to the crowds, despite the distance of two blocks away from the station. We entered the apartment building that held a decent interior, inspite the fact that it was renovated a few years ago to replace the old one. The apartments were more spaced out than the ones in the complex that I was living in, as each apartment was a little bigger than an average, and convenient, japanese apartment. Haruna let us in to her place, the lights flashing above from a click of the lightswitch by the door. We entered, and I relaxed. "Make yourself at home. We can unpack your stuff later. For now, relax and take a seat while I make some tea". "Uh, thank you". Haruna made her way to the kitchen area while I took off my shoes, following her in order to sit at the dinner table. The apartment was much bigger than mine, so it could definitely store western styled furniture. "Yuuya, I meant to ask this before, but I will now; how are things with you and Kurosaki?" "Everything's fine--good, actually. We're still...uh, together". "I see. Well, I'm truely happy for you both". I nodded. "I'll be sure to tell him that when I get back. He would be happy to hear that you approve, unlike Mom and Dad". "...". Haruna was quiet for a moment, standing by the kettle as it boiled. She didn't face me, but soon spoke anyway through anxiety in her voice. "Yuuya, I'm so sorry about that. Our parents shouldn't have done such a thing to you--but you should know that Mom didn't get much of a say. Dad insisted that you be kicked out for such a stupid reason". She sounded guilty, regrettable. I assumed she didn't get a say either. "The old man just wanted to get rid of me". I said, accepting the fact immediatly. "It's not just about me and Kurosaki. He wanted to get rid of me by any means that he felt were "relevant", shall we say?" "It's not relevant at all". Haruna argued, swiftly turning to face me. "It was a stupid and cruel thing to do to you--you're his son for god's sake-". "Haruna...". I spoke firmly, putting her argument to a halt. "I think it's best that we don't discuss it. I appreciate that you were on my side in the matter, and most likely Kouki as well, but what's done is done. I'm in university now; living alone, working a job and doing everything I can to pass into adulthood. That's all I want to focus on in my life; that, Kurosaki and...these few days that I'm going to spend with you and Kouki. That's it". 

I could sense my sister's concern for me; true concern that I ignored many times. Her eyes focused on the floor within a softened gaze. It was clear that I wanted nothing to do with my parents at all anymore. I was dead to them, and vise versa. There was no relationship between me and them any more: that was that. I felt a hand, Haruna's hand, touch my shoulder in a subtle comfort. I looked up at her from my chair, seeing a soft smile across her lips. That subtle gesture was one of the most loving things I ever received from my family, or what was left of it. I wondered, as I overlapped my hand over my sister's, if I could consider her family again, Kouki too. Could I have but half of my family back, of not all? My parents were impossible to reach, that was my decision and no one else's. I chose to keep myself closed off from them. As far as I'm concerned, I have no parents. My decision was final on that matter. Haruna reteacted her hand as I did mine and proceeded back towards the kettle, which had finished boiling by the end of that awful topic. I didn't want to return to it. I felt that we wouldn't return to it again, not through the whole time I would be staying. It was forgotten, as the pain and neglect I forced myself to feel as a child would be forgotten, at least from my siblings. If this went well, in time, it would all be forgotten and I could have a bigger family. I could have a proper family, including Kurosaki and his parents-the people who treated me that way even if I wasn't their's. I owed them a lot, so much more than a thank you. That was next. I smiled to myself with that in mind. 

Kouki didn't arrive until around lunchtime, when I had unpacked my stuff into a western styled set of drawers. It had been a while since I slept in a bed that wasn't my futon back at my apartment. Seeing the room I was provided reminded me of my old room a little bit, leading to the thought of what my parents actually did with it after I moved out. It might just be left bare, cobwebs and dust filling it slowly. It was so easy to think about and yet it was hard to get out of my mind. When I did cease this thought, I had left the room with my clothing and bathroom necessities unpacked and stored away. I met my sister and my brother back in the main room where he had just arrived and we hadn't greeted eachother yet. I felt awkward, but couldn't help but feel a little more secure upon seeing his face. "Yuuya...". He muttered my name, a smile soon forming on his lips. I was quite surprised when he suddenly came towards me. I flinched, but soon stood still in a second as his arms wrapped around me. He was actually hugging me, our height the exact same. "My little brother...". His breath drew, the sound of his voice was clear enough that he was about to cry. There were times when he would cry over me right after hitting me, not apologising but still crying as if he felt guilty about it. Because of those times, upon only just seeing him now, I did hesitate to hug back. My arms twitched as I raised them to wrap around my elder brother. Very gently, I hugged him back in my hesitance. It was warm... Cozy and warm. "I'm really happy to see you again, Yuuya. My sweet little brother...". Sweet wasn't the word I would use to describe myself, but Kouki deemed it neccessary for the moment. I bit my tongue, not wanting to ruin this reunion between all three of us. It seemed perfect just the way it was.

I had never imagined this moment being a reality. If I told my eight-year-old self that one day I would try and have a better relationship with my siblings, he would probably tell me straight that I was full of shit. This was definitely real, though. I came to this choice on my own, wanting my life to improve. I knew for a fact I couldn't live my life just having Kurosaki there with me to watch over me and care about me. Although he held a great importance in my life, I needed something a lot more secure. Even though my parents couldn't be reached, the most I had was my brother and sister. I was mature enough to see their efforts years ago, when I was a child. They tried to take care of me, though their methods of scolding me were too rash and ineffective. Even though all those memories built up, like a dark cloud over my head, I wanted to give them a chance this time. I knew, with a lot of effort, that dark cloud could evaporate and disappear over time. It may not happen that day or the next or even the next, that was obvious, but it could certainly get better on day. I wanted to believe that, for my own sake and Kurosaki's. If he was the only thing in my life, I'd do anything to keep it safe, anything to keep him for myself. That was a mindset I never wanted to fall into, because I knew I would never be able to get out of it. This was a chance to escape that mindset completely. 

"Yuuya, after you've settled, is there anywhere you want to go?" Haruna asked me, drying her hands on a dish towel after handling the preparations for lunch. "Uh...". I hadn't really thought about it. I came to Tokyo to see my siblings, and that was it. I didn't make any plans to go sight-seeing or anything. "I...I don't actually know". I answered, feeling a little embarrassed. "Don't worry. There's plenty to see in Tokyo, we'll take you all over once you've rested. Maybe we could go tomorrow, if you'd like that". "Well, I...". That reminded me; I've never once imposed anything of my siblings before. I was quite spiteful towards them when I was younger, and even when I was a teenager, but I never asked for anything from them other than to leave me be. I, clearly, wasn't a spoiled child. But now it seemed like my siblings were ready to spoil me, which I wasn't sure about. "Oh, come on, Yuuya. You'll like Tokyo. There's a lot to do, especially if you're new here". Kouki told me as soon as he stopped hugging me, wiping his eyes of tears. "We could go see some landmarks, or visit Akihabara. Whatever you'd like". "Well, that's the thing". I responded, scratching the back of my head. "I don't know about many landmarks from here". Kouki tassled my hair suddenly, unintentionally making me feel like the younger brother again. "Like Haruna said; don't worry. We'll drag you all over so you can see Tokyo for yourself. We can get lunch, maybe see a movie. It would be a good chance to catch up while we're at it". "You're just making plans on your own now". "Oops, sorry, Yuuya. We'll figure it out. For now, just rest. I'm gonna help your sister with lunch". "Finally...!" She called out from the kitchen area. "I though I would have to do everything myself". "Well, so-rry. I thought you liked taking charge. It's in your nature". "Meaning? Is that an insult?" "No, no. Not at all, sis'...". I sat on the sofa, unable to hold back a smile. If this was what the whole trip was going to be like, I don't think I would mind. We were acting like normal siblings, only mature adults. Both of them were already in their mid-to late-twenties. I was still in university. It was such a big gap, so much time wasted. 

"Whaah! Kouki! Pay attention! You're gonna burn the mushrooms!" "Ah! Sorry, sorry!" "Honestly...Why did I trust you when I know you got a bad grade in Home Ec'? Ugh, Yuuya, come here and help". "Huh...?" She just..."Come on, I know you're more capable than this guy". "Hey...!" She was asking me to help? Trusting me to help? I approuched with no haste in my steps. I had to ask--just to make sure. "But how do you know I'm any good?" I asked, hesitently taking control of the skillet. "Well...Don't get mad, but I saw your scores on your exams when they were delivered. You got a B in Home Economics, didn't you?" She read them... Haruna smiled at me kindly. "I was so proud of you, for all your scores. I'm still proud". I felt touched by my sister's words. She was...proud of me. "We're both proud of you, Yuuya". Kouki followed up, wrapping an arm around me. They were both truely proud of me. I definitely couldn't hold back a smile now. I wasn't angry that she read them without permission...Okay, maybe a little mad, but the happiness overwhelmed that emotion easily. I didn't give a response, but merely held a smile as I focused on doing better than my brother, for once. It was worth it to see both of them look at me with proud and impressed expressions. "That's it, Yuuya. I knew you could do it. Wait...Ah! Turn down the heat! That's too much!" "Alright, alright. Geez...You haven't changed". "Meaning what?...Kouki, what does he mean? Why are both looking at me like that? Just-Cut it out and focus on cooking!" "Yes ma'am". Kouki and I responded in unison, sharing a chuckle. "Who are you calling ma'am?! I'm your sister! Hey! Are you listening?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, by the time I publish this, quite a few of my fanfictions have been deleted-but only the one's that weren't really doing well or ones that I couldn't keep up with. That's my fault because I'm stressing myself way too much about this instead of taking things slower. Before I would write in two fanfictions in turns; but, somewhere along the way, that got worse as I tried to do more than I could handle. Uh, I may come back to some things or re-do them. For example, I want to go back to "For You I Would Change", but make it into a one-shot or something shorter than it was. I hate that I've neglected a lot of them for a while, so I'm going back to doing two fanfictions in turn, writing one-shots inbetween and updating at least one longer fanfiction occassionally. I'm glad I got that off my chest here, since most of my hits go here. However, I have been writing for another fandom recently, so anyone who only really checks into Corpse Party for Corpse Party, you might not see it. Anyway, thanks for reading this late chapter. Thanks, bye.


	65. His Heartwarming Return

Kurosaki's POV

"So, how was the last day?" I asked, rolling over on my futon, resting on my side as I listened to Kizami's response over the phone. It was his last day in Tokyo already, so he would be returning to Nagoya in the afternoon. ["It was actually fun. I mean, this whole trip has been a lot of fun. I've never smiled so much around my siblings"]. I smiled to myself, feeling prouder than ever of Kizami and what he achieved in such a small amount of time. It wasn't much--his relationship with his brother and sister still on the ground floor--but it would get better, surely. ["I think, after a while, I'll really have them back, Kurosaki. I'll have a brother and sister again". He sounded so relieved and happy, like a totally different person from all those years ago who, I'd hate to say it, despised his siblings for the many times they overshadowed him and treated him like a brat. From the previous calls over this short period of time, I've only heard good things from the receiver. Eventually, Kizami could have a proper family. "I'm really happy for you, Kizami. Seriously, this is huge. Do you know when you can see them again?" ["Well, I don't know, honestly. I don't want to rush things and intrude on their lives too much, so..."]. I nodded briefly, understanding that much. "Uh...Right, absolutely. Y-yeah, you're right". ["But I do hope I can see them soon enough"]. "Of course you will. Nothing's stopping you this time".

It was amazing to hear Kizami say these words; that he hoped to see his siblings again soon. He had past a huge milestone in his life, and things seemed to be going in the right direction. I rolled back onto my back, fidgeting with anxiety and excitement for Kizami's return to Nagoya. I bit my bottom lip, momentarily imagining it in my mind. "Uh, Kizami...". I muttered, anxious. "I really missed you while you were gone. Although I'm really happy for you and what you've done for yourself, I just can't help missing you knowing that you're further away than before". ["It's okay. I missed you too. I'm coming back, so...you won't have to do anything by yourself anymore"]. "Wh-what are you talking about?" I heard a low chuckle from the receiver, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up and tingling dowm my nape. I wiped my hand over the area, my cheeks immediatly warming up as I knew what he meant. God--anyone would know what he meant. "H-hey, shut up, pervert. I haven't...done anything...like that". ["Your voice is trembling"]. "S-so?! Anyone's voice would go all shaky if someone said that to them. What kind of person do you take me for?" ["Weren't you lonely? I was, just a little. So, when I get back to the apartment with you, we can do it lots, okay?"] "Wha-N-no! Come on...You'll be tired anyway, so it's a no. Don't say stuff like that to embarrass me". He had become a little pervy since we got used to having sex. His confidence in the bedroom just shot up while I still got all flustered, even when on top. 

I heard his chuckle again and an apology inbetween. ["Haha, sorry. I'm just excited to come home and see you again. We can spend the rest of the night together tonight and do whatever. And, no, we don't have to do t.h.a.t"]. "No, we don't. Anyway, when you come back I'll have something prepared for dinner, okay?" ["Kurosaki, there's no need for that. We could just order something in and relax for the whole night"]. Kizami didn't have to be considerate. It was cute when he was considerate of me, but tonight there was no need. Tonight would simply be about his coming back and his big self-improvement. Besides, I wanted to spoil him a little since he has a tendancy to spoil me sometimes. "I wanna cook something for you. I've really been practicing, so don't let it go to waste. Please, Kizami. I just want to borrow your kitchen, if that's okay". I listened to the sigh that left me waiting for a moment, eager to hear his answer. By the sound of that sigh, he was considering it as almost a favour to me. I know my cooking has improved since Kizami used to teach me simple things during high school. I wanted Kizami to acknowledge that and trust me with the task, since I wasn't a great cook back in high school. The first lunch I ever shared with him, I put too much salt in the rice balls and felt quite bad about it. Now I know I can do better; much better. ["Alright, you can cook. But I don't have any groceries in, so..."]. "I'll buy them today, don't worry". ["Kurosaki, I can't have you do tha-...Haah, I can't stop you, can I?"] I giggled. "Hehe, nope. I'm getting good ingredients and I'll make something special for you. Trust me--it'll be amazing". ["I have confidence that it will be, but I owe you after that"]. "If you insist, but I don't want you to do too much". ["Like what?"] Kizami asked innocently. I couldn't come up with a previous example, but I didn't think Kizami would originally try to give me a small thing in return for doing the cooking.

["Look, how about I cook for you some time and call it even?"] "Fair enough". We agreed promptly. ["Uh, listen, I've got to finish packing and I'll see you this afternoon, okay?"] "Yeah, okay. I don't wanna keep you back. I'll see you this afternoon. I love ya". ["Love you too"]. We hung up, my body relaxing against the futon as a huge sigh escaped my lungs. I had plenty of time to go grocery shopping, prepare something small in advance and then meet Kizami at the train station. He would argue for me not to do anything more than the dinner, but what he couldn't see for now couldn't hurt him. Even if I just bought something small like a muffin or candy, then it would be alright. First, I really needed to function and get changed in order to actually go out; I thought, lying flat on my futon still wearing one of Kizami's t-shirts, that he left at my apartment, and my boxers. Another sigh escaped as I sat up. I needed to get up eventually, now was the best time. 

... 

Stores were usually a lot busier during weekends, so I obviously had trouble walking in and out between people as I tried to collect the items on the list I had made earlier. But it was over eventually. I had quickly returned to my own apartment to drop off some extra groceries that I bought for myself before heading back out to catch the next train to Nagoya. Since I lowered the amount of items in the grocery bags, it was a lot easier to keep carrying around. It was exciting: the thought of seeing Kizami again, going back to his place and then making something nice in a sort of celebration for what he's done up to this point. He's changed a little since the incedent with Yoshida--changed in a good way, of course. It made him realise that having just one person to be there for you in life was quite lonely, no matter how much he loved me. He was prepared to change his attitude in order to be happy. So far, I think he is. That seemed quite clear from the phone call we had during the morning. 

I caught the next train and arrived in Nagoya shortly after. Flipping my cellphone open, I checked the time with eagerness, followed by a rush of anxiety as the time for Kizami's arrival was close. I didn't understand fully why I was so anxious. Perhaps it was just the thought of seeing him and doing something nice for him. I had pictured the night in my head while on the train, unable to hold down a smile as I stared out the window. On the train I imagined the whole thing. Dinner first of all, relaxing with her legs under the table as we watched some T.V series episode by episode. Later we would maybe take a bath together before settling for a peaceful night together. It sounded rather mundane and like something we had done many times before. However, that's what made it special. It was homely and comforting to spend time together that way. Maybe next time we could go on a date to a theme park or a karaoke bar. Even that put my mind in a good place, inevitabely. 

... 

Kizami had arrived okay, although exhaustion weighing him down--especially as we walked to his apartment together. I did offer to carry his bag, but he made a joke of it and laughed because of our height and build differences. It embarrassed me, so I momentarily forgot that Kizami hadn't laughed in a while. It was good to hear him in a good mood, but I dismissed it due to the embareassment. He made fun of me, I couldn't help but feel shy. A sigh escaped me, my lips unable to stay straight when he took hold of my hand in apology. He did properly apologise, taking the lead in swaying our arms back and forth with our hands linked firmly. His, strangely enough, felt quite hot. Almost feverish. The sweat on his palm rubbed off on mine. I didn't mind too much, since he would know what it was like for my palms to be sweating like crazy the first time we ever held hands. It was just the palm, so I dismissed it due to the early autumn heat leftover from summer. Kizami seemed happy to just hold my hand--I didn't want to ruin that. So, we walked along idley, taking our time in reaching the comfort of Kizami's apartment. There was no need to rush, that would probably make Kizami feel worse. A relaxing pace was enough to get us there, I was sure. 

Once we returned, Kizami's bag immediatly dumped on the floor, he sighed deeply. "Haah...Hey, I'm sorry". He apologised, his voice sounded a little hoarse. "I feel a little feverish and really tired. Is it okay if I take a nap? I-I feel bad since you're here and you said you would make dinner...". "Oh, don't worry about it. I still have the groceries here, so I can just put them away until you feel like eating. What, do you feel sick?" He shook his head. "Huh...Well, o-okay. Take it easy then. We can eat when you feel better". "Thank you, Kurosaki. And I'm terribly sorry. Excuse me". Still acted overly-polite, even if I am his boyfriend. There was no need to act so formal. Kizami disappeared into the bedroom to lay out his futon and sleep. I did feel a little awkward, but I could do some things while I waited. First, store the food until there was an appropriate time to prepare dinner. I looked to Kizami's bag, which was still on the floor--dumped carelessly. I decided to maybe take it to him and leave it in his room. Kneeling down, I reached for the straps, but flinched. 

At the corner of my eye, my gaze shifting immediatly, I saw that one of the compartments of the bag was open a little bit at the corner. Something could be seen inside, like a corner of a piece of card. It would be rude to snoop through stuff that isn't mind, and I did decided against it for a moment, but I wanted to take a quick look. From the look of it, just by seeing a corner, it looked like the edge of a photograph. Unzipping the rest of the bag, I ended up pulling out several photo's from the bag compartment. I made sure to hold only the edges, in case of fingerprints. As soon as my eyes and my mind focused on the image, a smile curved on my lips and my heart softened. The photo depicted Kizami and his two siblings, all close up to the digital camera in front of, what appeared to be, Tokyo Tower. They were all smiling, huddled up together under the sun and the sky in contrast with the bright red tower in the backround. I swapped the photo to the back, letting out a very hushed laugh upon seeing the next one. It depicted Kizami and Haruna in the kitchen, cooking something. Kizami was wearing a rathet plain white apron with pretty frills lining it. It suited him a bit; I thought, turning to the next one and the next one. 

Seeing such happy photos gave me an idea. It seemed like a good one that would make Kizami happy. I was thinking, in that moment, of starting a photo album for Kizami and I. It would be a treasure we could look at in the future and feel nostalgic about when we were in high school and college. I didn't have many photos, but what I had captured with Kizami on photo was a good start. He would like that. I just had to find the time to get my hands on one without Kizami knowing. I wanted to make it a surprise, just to see the look on his face. He would surely love something like that to fill up. For that to happen, we would have to make plenty more memories and maybe return to some old ones. I knew there were some photos of us in my parents photo album. I could easily have them copied for the beginning of the photo album. Kinda like telling a story about our relationship since we were children. It sounded fun to me, the idea of sitting down with Kizami to fill up the plastic covers of a photo album while being nostalgic and just...losing our minds together on all the memories. It was a plan, I just needed to know when to inform Kizami about it--or at least tell him my idea. 

I took it upon myself to check up on Kizami, seeing as he seemed unwell earlier. He said he felt feverish, so it only seemed right to fill up a basin with cold water and bring in a wash cloth with it. He may have gotten sick while in Tokyo; caught it from someone while out in the streets. I heard Tokyo was a busy place, so he could have caught a cold from anyone. I just hoped it wasn't too bad, or that it couldn't get worse. I entered quietly, gently sliding the door open, basin under my arm with the water swaying inside. It weighed heavily and I did momentarily fear that it would spill everywhere. I continued inside, carefully kneeling by Kizami's side. He was under the futon's cover, shirt removed and cheeks flared red. I shifted his bangs from his face and rested the palm of my hand to his forehead. It was hot and moist with sweat. I ran the cloth over and through the basin's water, wringing it out before gently applying the cool, damp cloth over Kizami's face. He groaned quietly, shifting as he slowly woke up. "Mng...K-Kurosaki? Ugh...I-I feel sick". He covered his mouth, shivering. "Are you alright? Do you need help getting to the bathroom?" "I-I should be fine. I should-...!" Kizami suddenly sat up, covering his mouth as he shot to his feet and darted to the bathroom. "K-Kizami...?!" I followed after him at a slower pace, knowing he probably wouldn't want me to see him throw up. That escalated quickly. He must have been really ill. I stood in front of the bathroom door and called out to him. I could hear retching and coughing from inside. "Kizami, you okay?" ("Y-yeah...Haah...I-I think it...must have been that bread I had on the train. It must have...had parsley in it"). Do people make mistakes that easily? I know Kizami wouldn't. He couldn't deal with spicey food very well. It makes him sick, just like now. ("I'll feel better once it's all out. So, don't worry-...!") I stepped back from the door with a heavy sigh. Of course I would worry.

I heard some coughing again, followed by heavy panting. That was as good a cue as any. "Kizami, I'm coming in. Stay put". I entered the bathroom with zero objections from Kizami. When I entered I saw him sitting with his back to the wall. Heavy breaths escaped him, his face pale and his eyes red from the tears sqeezing their way from his eyes. He brought his knees closer to his chest, crossing his arms over them to hide his face from me. I kneeled down next to him, rubbing circles into his back. "Kizami, shh, it's okay. Are you upset?" He sounded quite upset, even over something like throwing up because of an allergy. "I-it's not like that". He responded, his voice trembling a bit. "I mean...I don't know why I'm so shaken up. I used to get sick from eating spicey food before, but this...I don't know why I feel like...this". I couldn't understand what he meant. It was a little puzzling. "I can't...understand". He muttered. "I couldn't...understand". He raised his head, sniffling. Was he...crying? 

My eyes widened a little. This was the first time I had ever witnessed Kizami cry, but I didn't understand the reaon why he was crying. "I'm sorry, Kurosaki". He mumbled. "Wh-what for?" I asked, more confused than ever. "What are you apologising for? It-It's okay to get sick, it's no big deal. Or are you sorry for something else? Please, tell me". Kizami took a breath, wiping his eyes. "I...I just know I have to apologise to you, for so much. I used to cause you a lot of trouble when we were kids, didn't I?" Why was he bringing this up now? Did something happen while he was away that brought this state of mind on? "When my parents disowned me, when those kids bullied you outside of school, when I was kicked out of the house countless times and then they officially forced me out...I caused you so much trouble for you, and I'm sorry, Kurosaki. I'm so sorry". Seeing Kizami like this, I felt myself getting upset for him. But I didn't cry. I gulped down the heavy lump in my throat, and kept it down. It might make Kizami feel worse if I began tearing up as well. This was the first time I ever saw him get so emotional. And this was stuff from the past. I just wondered why he was bringing up all of those events now. 

"Kizami, you never caused me any trouble. Don't say that". "Of course I did". He immediatly responded. "I caused you trouble, I caused my siblings trouble...I didn't pay attention to anyone's kindness for the longest time because I didn't understand it at all. The first real emotion I ever felt was the happiness that you gave me, and...then I fell in love with you. To be honest, I never fully understood those feelings until I admitted them to you. That's when I knew I loved you. And these past few days with my brother and sister has shown me...just how much I toom them for granted. Yeah, they scolded me and they hit me--but they cared so much more than my fucking parents. They actually gave a damn and didn't want me to get in trouble. They...actually cared about me, just like you. I dismissed that for too long and I...I isolated myself from so much. Thinking about it now hurts...but it's the truth. That's why I'm sorry, Kurosaki. I'm so, so sorry". Kizami suddenly hugged me, burying his face into my shoulder as tears streamed down his cheeks and made my shirt damp. 

I hugged him back in comfort, petting his hair softly between my fingers. "Shh, it's alright, Kizami. Sshh, everything's okay. Although I hate seeing you so upset, I'm glad you understand tjese feelings--but just know that it's absolutely not your fault, okay? Nothing that happened before is your fault. Don't ever think that for a minute. The past is the past, you know this. If you want to get it out of your system now, go ahead and move on, because I don't want to see you so distraught ever again because you think it's your fault. It's not! Ya hear?" Kizami gripped onto my shirt, calming down as I held him. I pulled away, with a smile, wiping his tears away and kissing his cheeks. He sniffled. "Kurosaki...I'm so lucky to have you. I'm glad...I'm glad you're the person I fell in love with. Hell, you're the reason I did fall in love. Thank you...". "It's okay. I'm happy to have fallen in love with you too. Dating you was the best decision I ever made, okay? Whether you felt these things sooner or later, I'll still love you for you, Kizami. Don't forget that". 

I kissed his cheek again, bringing him back into a hug shortly after. It was then that I could sense Kizami as a changed man. He realised he could feel so many other things and that made us both happy. There was no reason for him to apologise or blame himself for what happened in the past. What now mattered was what he decided to do now, in the present. "Do you still feel sick?" I asked. "No, but I do feel faint". "Then let's get you back into bed. I'll bring you some juice or something. When you wanna have dinner, just tell me when you're up for it. If you'd like, we can watch movies and eat dinner in your room". "That sounds pretty good. I just need a minute to rest". "That's fine. Come on. Can you get up?" "I'm a little shaky, but I should be fine. Thanks, anyway". I led Kizami back to bed, intending to join him eventually. Although his eyes were red, and he was trembling a little, he was smiling softly at my comfort. I never thought for a moment that Kizami was causing me trouble. I did whatever I could for him because I wanted to, because I cared about him, because I loved him as a friend and as my boyfriend now. Maybe this would change his perspective on the world. And, with that, I would be there by his side. That's what I promised when we were kids all those years ago; that Kizami and I would be together forever. I wanted to keep that promise for as long as we lived, and beyond that in memory...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I nearly cried writing the last part. I can just imagine Kizami's emotions piling up all at once after not understanding them for years. This won't affect the character too much, like being overly sensitive about everything. No, it was just this moment of him realsing that he can feel these things and moved past them. He's more human in this story, and that's what I wanted to aim for. So...I hope this was a little better than as of recently. Thank you very much for reading, and your support. I'll keep going with this and try my best to make it good quality stuff. I just ask that you be patient--that's it. Bye...


	66. My New Perspective

Kizami's POV

I still decided on my own to attend university, even after my ill state the previous evening. I was more than sick from consuming parsely into my system, however. I did something so unexpected in front of Kurosaki, as if I had blacked out right there and then. But in those moments I remember feeling so broken and guilty about my past; how I treated my siblings and how I took Kurosaki for granted. All my emotions that I kept locked up inside had suddenly feel apart before me, impossible to gather up and hold in place anymore. All those years of keeping them inside finally broke like a dam, and every emotion flooded uncontrollably through tears and apologies. I didn't feel so lost and alone once Kurosaki held me in his arms and reassured me. It was a sign that he did truely love me, even while I took his presence for granted as children. Without him, I would be all alone. I would have no one. Thinking that, I felt thankful that he stuck by my side and brought me to my feet whenever my parents kicked me down. He never left me and he always supported me. But now I have a developing relationship with my siblings, I know I don't have to worry about being too dependent on him. It just took a sharp push for me to finally express my emotions and get all the guilt an sorrow out of the way so I could move on. I still felt a little distressed, shaken up and so on. However, I knew that would get better over time if I just began giving people a chance. That didn't include my parents, of course. My relationship with them was beyond saving. I was certain of that... 

My fever remained as I went through my classes. It wasn't a cold or anything; I was just shaken by what happened. I couldn't tell anyone who wasn't involved, no matter who asked--even Fukuroi. It wasn't anyone's business. Fukuroi just asked if I was feeling alright, received an honest response of "I'm fine", and left it at that. I may have wanted to become better friends with Fukuroi. It would help, certainly. I knew he was good company from experience in high school and from what I heard from Kurosaki. He wasn't arrogant or annoying. Fukuroi was civil, collected and could understand one's attitude of being a closed book. In addition, there was Nakano. I hadn't spoke to him in a while, but he greeted me with a cheerful smile when I said hello to him. Seeing him again after the time that I was away made me curious about one thing since I left him on his own; "Hey, Nakano, how are things with that girl? Are you two a lot closer?" I asked about the girl who, I assumed, Nakano liked. She would sit alone in the library and read without a single interuption. That is, until I gave Nakano a little push and helped him gain the confidence to go talk to her. 

We both sat together at lunch, discussing it privately. "Oh, they're fine. We're good friends, but I haven't, uh, told her anything yet. I mean, we spent the summer festival together and go to the bookstore a lot. She's really nice and fun to be around, but...". Nakano paused, averting his gaze. "I guess I like her more as a friend than...anything more". I couldn't argue with him. If he felt that way, I couldn't force him to ask her on a date if he really didn't have those sorts of feelings for her. It was perfectly fine. "That's fine". I replied. "Maybe you'll find someone else". Nakano looked to my face once again, puzzled. "Eh? Really? B-but, you had to convince me to talk to her in the first place. Aren't you disappointed in me?" "Hm? Of course not. Is your choice who you want to like. Besides, you made a good friend out of it, anyway". "Well...Yeah, you're right. Th-thank you, Senpai". "Don't worry about it. Just keep looking, but be patient about it, okay?" "I will. I really appreciate all your support. It's helped a lot". I was glad I could help him, even if, in reality, it wasn't much. 

"Don't worry about it, Nakano. I'm happy to help you". On instinct, I reached over the short distance that was our spot at the table and rested my hand on Nakano's head to lightly tassle his hair. He looked quite surprised, his body still. I retracted my hand within a few short seconds, but it caused Nakano to snap out of a sort of trance. "U-uh...". He lowered his head, looking a little flushed. "Oh, sorry. Did that make you feel uncomfortable?" "N-no...". Nakano answered immediatly, shaking his head just to make sure I understood. "I was just a little surprised. Your hand is...really soft". "...? Nakano?" Nakano twitched in realisation of his words, shooting up to his feet and clumsily grabbing his bag. "Uh, I sh-should go. I have some books to return before lunch ends, so, uh, I'll...I'll see you later, Senpai. I'm sorry". Nakano dashed out of the cafeteria without turning back, leaving me a little puzzled about his sudden actions. He left so suddenly after I did something so minor. Of course, it may have actually made him feel quite uncomfortable, but was it any reason to run out in embarrassment. I felt...uncertainty. At least for a moment as I forced the thought from my head. I didn't want to think about it. Nakano would be alright the next time I saw him, surely. That's what I thought as I grabbed my stuff and headed out to my next class, my skin still flushed with a fever. I needed some rest as soon as I returned to my apartment. 

... 

It was good for Kurosaki to come over when I got home. He just smiled at me and raised up a bag that held a pot of chicken and mushroom soup that he apparently made from scratch. It made me feel better just to see him after a day of classes and work. He sent me right back to bed, offering to prep dinner while I rested. He was quite insistent, so I allowed him to use the kitchen however he wanted. "Just you rest". He said, rolling up his sleeves at the kitchen area. "I'll cook this up with some rice, then we're good to go. Ah, you need anything else? Damp cloth? Medication?" He was concerned for me, naturally, asking if I needed anything else in his pause before cooking. "No, I'm alright. I'll just sleep for a while. Sorry I can't keep you company". "Don't worry. I wanna cook for you and get you back to full health. I'll be coming into your room anyway, so just sit tight". Kurosaki had a habit of being the care giver in our relationship. He didn't have to be so attentative, but doing kind things for me made him feel good and happy. I just knew I owed him one later. Shaking my head to myself, I walked back into my bedroom and lay sprawled across my futon. Through the crack of the door, I could just see Kurosaki making dinner. 

Haah, I knew the smell would reach my bedroom and cause my stomach to growl with hunger. That's how much his cooking has improved since high school. I still remember the first lunch he ever made: with the rice that had a little too much salt. It hurt my chest a little, but I was grateful that he wanted to share. I was beginning to feel grateful for so much that Kurosaki has done for me. I mean, really grateful. I'd do anything for Kurosaki, just in thanks of all those wonderful things he did. Tonight was the same. I waited, my eyes still on Kurosaki when I sat up. He was working away with a smile across his lips and his sleeves rolled up. If only my fever wasn't so high, maybe I could have been able to focus more. Kurosaki had sensed my presence at some point; turning around and scolding me in the nicest possible way before ordering me to rest. He even shut my door. I couldn't help but chuckle, hearing a small laugh from the other side of the door as well. They say laughter's the best medicine, but, in my case, Kurosaki's going to end up healing me completely just by laughing.

I felt a little more relaxed, although I didn't want to sleep. As much as I wanted to stay awake, however, I found the urge to simply lie down and rest my heavy and aching body. It was instinct that led me to lay back and roll comfortably onto my side, pulling the covers over my body and finally closing my eyes. I guess it didn't take too long for my body to sink into the softness of my futon and send me drifting into sleep. I sighed, shortly followed by a yawn. If only I wasn't so sick from that stupid bread, I wouldn't have a high fever from vomiting. Aside from the heat, it brought on the impatience that I hadn't felt for a while. Ever since the summer festival, I've been more tame. But that night I wanted to have Kurosaki all to myself, fever or not. I needed to touch him and to be touched by him. At least for tonight, otherwise I wouldn't get my chance for a while. This was the only time I could see him before we both had to go back to university. He only had tonight to see me. I wanted to make the most of it, while I had him there with me. 

I ended up sleeping, and then waking up once I heard the door slide open, and a voice come through with a brief rattle of a tray. "Oops, sorry. Did I wake you up, Kizami?" I sighed, steadily sitting up and rubbing the sleep from eyes. "No, it's okay. Come in". I smiled at him once I had opened my eyes. From my position, I could see Kurosaki holding one of my adjustable bed trays, a thin swirl of steam drifitng from it. I got into a good seating position as Kurosaki approuched. He vey carefully kneeled down and placed the tray at a good distance over my futon for me to pull in later. To my surprise, there was more than just the two bowls of soup and rice. There were a few side dishes as well: tamogoyaki, fruit. Kurosaki giggled, rubbing the nape of his neck in embarrassment. "Hehe, so-sorry. I went a little crazy. Uh, hope it's good, though". It certainly smelled good. My stomach growled and I gulped away the saliva that built up from the desire to try his food. I did feel quite shy after my stomach made such a weird noise, but it was quickly dismissed when I saw Kurosaki sit beside me... Beside me. 

"Uh, Kurosaki, what are you doing over there?" I asked as he only just reached for his bowl of soup. "Eh? I-I'm sitting here. Is something wrong?" I shook my head, taking hold of his hand. "Come closer". I simply commanded, softly, as I neared his closer. "Wah...K-Kizami? Uh...!" He crawled over, almost unwillingly, but relaxed once I got him sitting between my legs. I pulled the futon blanket over us before pulling over the tray. Kurosaki had to lean against my chest in order to give the bed tray more room. "Kizami, how are you gonna eat like this?" "You could feed me". I was joking, but it still effectively embarrassed Kurosaki. "Wha-what?! I...Well...Ugh, f-fine. Here". I really was only joking, but, with a blush on his cheeks, Kurosaki separated a pair of chopsticks and picked up a piece of tamogoyaki. He reached over his head with it, waiting for me to take it. I sighed, smiling, taking the food with my lips and eating. It was really good. But it made me want to tease him more. So, I separated the other pair of chopsticks, picked up another piece of tamogoyaki and held it to his lips. "Eat up". I muttered, kissing the back of his head. I let out a soft chuckle when his blush grew darker. He said nothing to argue, however, taking a bite from half of it in hesitation. It didn't take long for him to eat up the other half. I hugged him tightly, planting kissed over the shell of his ear and the top of his head. "K-Kizami, come on. The soup's gonna get cold". "Sorry. I just... Kurosaki, afterwards, I want us to make love". "G-geez, you have a real habit of callin' it that, huh? Well, guess what? You're sick, so I'm the one who's gonna make love to you. How about that?". "Good luck. I just hope I don't faint halfway through. I get really excited when you're on top, but tonight it might be too much for me to bear". My heart skipped a beat at my own words, although I was still only being a tease. But it was so worth it to see Kurosaki's whole face turn bright red and a gulp emit from his throat. He was so adorable when he was excited. 

"D-damn...Kizami, you really...Don't say something so...so s-sexy when we're suppose to be eating". His voice lowered into a quite mutter, his blush reaching his ears. I rested my chin on his shoulder. "Then please feed me. I'm starving". "Gah! Why does that sound dirty?! Mom, Dad, I'm sorry~! I don't wanna be a pervert!" I chuckled, squeezing his body closely to mine. Kurosaki picked up the spoon, collecting some soup and holding it by my lips. I blew softly, the sensation of my breath against Kurosaki's skin making him shiver. We took turns feeding eachother, since I admit fault for wanting to be in such a cozy but awkward position with Kurosaki. We got there eventually until we simply cuddled under the futon's blanket; stomach's satisfied and minds at ease. 

Kurosaki felt my forehead with the palm of his hand. "Seems like your fever went down a little. Feeling better?" He asked me, sliding his hand down to cup my cheek and then run his fingers through my hair. "Much better. In fact...". I touched the tips of our noses together, slightly rubbing them together. "I think I'm well enough to...you know...". I was prepared to turn Kurosaki over onto his back, but, suddenly, unexpectedly, Kurosaki pushed me onto my back. He smirked, grasping my chin. I must have looked rather surprised as he laughed softly. "Haha, no can do. I said I would be on top, remember?" Kurosaki slipped his hand under my t-shirt, leaning down to capture my lips in a kiss. I couldn't possibly resist when he was so forward and bold. I shuddered on reaction to his soft, cool touch over my flushed skin. It had been too long since I reacted like that underneath him. All I wanted to do was let him do whatever he wished, while he had the opportunity. Kurosaki was getting really good at it, after all.

So I let him dominate our kisses, the movements, the removal of clothing and so on. It seemed a lot easier, and was a lot of fun to see him really get into it. I loved the little things Kurosaki did; like kissing my neck and face in tiny butterfly kisses that showed his affection and gentleness towards me. I felt weak at the knees every time he called my name in such a hushed tone, his cute smile sending shudders through my ribcage. It felt good...really, really good. I was surprised by many things that Kurosaki would seem more likely to struggle with. His stamina seemed to waver sometimes and his body trembled with nervousness, but he made each second an experience for me. That's what it was like on bottom: an experience, on my part. I'm sure Kurosaki would have wanted to do these sorts of things with a woman, had he not chosen me. So I'm grateful that I was chosen. My whole perspective has changed, mainly because of him. I could question what would happen if I didn't say anything and I would have forgotten about my feelings. I know I would have been so incredibly lonely. I wouldn't have had the push to talk to my siblings again, I wouldn't have as much fun as I do now, I wouldn't be able to feel love. Thinking about that now, I don't regret a single second spent with Kurosaki. If anything, I'm more grateful to him than I ever have been. If I could go back, I would treat him the way he deserved when we were children and he wouldn't have to put up with so many burdens. "Kurosaki...". My breath escaped, my body on the edge of going limp. I couldn't take it anymore. It really was too much to bear. "I...I love you so much. I love you...". I could feel the tears break through and slide down my cheeks. I needed to let them out once more--and only once more. I had to convey how happy I was to have Kurosaki in my life, as many times as it took for the burdens to be forgotten. "I love you, Kizami. I really do, so don't cry. You look way better with a smile". 

Kurosaki wiped away my tears with his finger. This was the last time...The last time I would cry over silly things that happened in the past. No more. If I were to ever cry again, it would be over heartbreak or loss of the person I loved. But... "Kurosaki...!" I knew that wouldn't happen. There was no way. Even if nothing lasts forever... "Kizami...". I know I'll necer lose Kurosaki sooner than I'm suppose to. We'll be together until the end, holding eachother like we were under the one blanket, with our arms wanting to grip on as tightly as possible--avoiding hurting the other with force. We'd never leave eachother's side, really. Even if it were physical abscence, we'd still be there for eachother. There was no doubt about that... 

... 

("Senpai...") 

"...?" 

("Senpai...I...") 

What...Why...? 

("I love you, Senpai!") 

I gasped, awake. My chest rose and fell slowly as reality sunk in. It was dark, a weight resting comfortably over my chest. I gulped, looking down to see...Kurosaki. It was just Kurosaki. I let out a deep sigh, a cold sweat running down my temple. The fever had returned a little. I rubbed my eyes, a stinging pain invading the corners. What...What the hell was that? That was just...a dream, right? Of course...But it was...weird. Why...? Why was Nakano...? Why did he...say he loved me? 

To Be Continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun. Dun. Duuuuuuuuuuun! That's lame--I'm sorry...


	67. His Underclassmen

Kurosaki's POV

I giggled at Kizami's embarrassment, his refusal to try the yogurt I conjured up at the store too cute for me not to hold back my laughter. We were in publc, already wrapped up in scarves and thicker jackets for autumn. Since the weather was getting colder by the day, we decided to go on a date and buy some yogurt before it was too cold to eat outdoors. Hardly anyone would be sitting in the store by winter, unless they wanted to make our limited hot chocolates. I knew how Kizami secretly likes sweet foods, compared to savoury ones, so I ended up adding a lot of chocolate on my yogurt for him to taste upon thinking this. He just added fruit to his: peach and strawberry, I believe. It looked good compared to the messy, choclate delight inside my plastic container. I ended up taking a spoonful, holding it to Kizami's lips to try. He was quite embarrassed, which seemed kinda odd. In our relationship we had gotten to the point where we just acted like a couple instead of shamefully hiding it. Kizami never really got embarrassed about this kind of stuff. At least, I assumed he didn't get embarrassed about the vast majority of things we do. I mean, we embarrass eachother over little, cute things. Things such as stuff we say to eachother as ways of showing affection. Just the other day Kizami spent about ten minutes telling me all the things he loved about me while placing kisses over the physical spots. He did blush and hesitate at some point when he was talking about my personality and the way I act, which is funny 'cause I got all flustered when saying all the things that I loved about his body. 

Anyway..."What's up? You don't wanna taste it?" "W-well, I'm not a big fan of chocolate, even if it is from you. At least, recently. I just prefere lighter things, that's all". I gave up, lowering the spoon back into the goopy concoction that was my chocolate and vannila yogurt. I shifted closer to Kizami, leaning my head against his arm and snuggling comfortably against him. "Is something wrong? You can definitely tell me this time. No secrets, like we promised--unless it's something really, really personal". We made a promise not to keep secrets about minor problems that you can talk about with your boyfriend, if it's a situation that involves them. If it really was nothing, though, that's when trust came in. But... "Well...You know what, I guess I should tell you. I don't want to lie to you, Kurosaki--because of how much I care about you. I used to think that it was my duty to protect you all the time, but I do know that I can trust you and allow you to help me through. You've been doing it for years". I smiled, locking hands and fingers with Kizami. "Of course. Now, if you're saying this, something must really be wrong. Go ahead. I'm all ears". 

Kizami gave a nod before proceeding, his thoughts seemingly at ease as I showed him we could tell eachother anything in our capacity. We established that, and I was ready for anything. "Okay, just hear me out first and then we can fully discuss it because I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me". That was the point where I got a little worried, but I stayed calm and quiet for Kizami to keep going. "Basically, I had a weird dream the other night. I can't describe it in a lot of detail, since it was very brief; but, in the dream, er...N-Nakano-chan confessed to me". "...?!" Nakano-chan? Confessed? What... To Kizami? He did say it was a dream, but that was an odd dream to have. Really odd. "N-now, please listen carefully. It has nothing to do with my personal feelings--it just happened. I...I somehow think it has something to do with how he acted a while ago on the same day". "What? Did he say anything strange to you?" Kizami hesitated, thinking back with a concerned look on his face. He probably still felt afraid to tell me this in case I thought badly of him, like he was attracted to Nakano. Anyone would think that if your lover has a dream like that; however, I couldn't believe something like that when it was Kizami. There had to be a perfectly reasonable justification for it. Kizami doesn't bat an eye to anyone else but me-in a romantic and loving sense, I mean. And I've known him long enough to understand that he wouldn't be telling me this unless he didn't have such feelings and just didn't want to hide things from me. 

"Well...". Kizami began again, seeing as I wasn't angry or upset or anything. He looked at my expression, soon knowing this and proceeding to tell me his thoughts on the whole situation. I was prepared to listen, always. "He didn't say anything strange to me. I was discussing a girl he met a while back, who he apparently liked a lot. I gave him the encouragement to get up and talk to her. They became good friends, but nothing else happened". "Is that so? Hmm...Do you think...nothing happened because he...actually likes you?" Someone had to say it. If it wasn't Kizami, it was me who had to point out the obvious, that also wasn't so obvious. "I...I don't know". Kizami replied. "It...It seems plausible. I mean-I don't want that to be the case, but that whole situation with Yoshida has kinda affected it. If I'm wrong, then things should be okay and neither of us has to worry. However...". He paused, at a loss for words. Kizami couldn't think of what to say as a follow-up. "Kizami...". I spoke for him with a suggestion on the tip of my tongue. "Maybe we should wait. If he really does like you, maybe he'll tell you eventually". "I doubt that". "Huh? Why?" "Becuase...he thinks I have a girlfriend". "Eh? Wait, what?" "Look, I'm sorry. He just assumed and I couldn't exactly tell him I was dating you. Haah...Guess I'll have to now".

I sighed too, the situation seemingly more complicated before me. That would be really awkward--like, extremely awkward. Guess there was really no choice, though. "Want me to come, too?" I offered. Two heads were better than one, after all, especially when you're the other head's boyfriend. "Really? I suppose that would make it much easier. Thank you". "No need to thank me. We're lovers, it's what we do". I leaned up, quickly giving Kizami a peck on the lips. "When should we tell him, though?" Kizami asked. "Hmm...How about tomorrow? I could come to Nagoya and everything". "Alright, then. After school...Perfect...". Kizami sounded a little skeptical, but he had to have faith that things would turn out okay. Sure, it would be terribly awkward if Nakano did actually like Kizami as more than a friend and we told him that Kizami and I were lovers before he got a chance to confess, but if he didn't have the confidence the most we could do was just be blunt and act like we were telling him in confidence, since he was a friend. I did feel bad, for my own reasons that seemed silly. There would need to be some patience. That was all. Tomorrow, we would tell Nakano together and wait for his response. We would just have to...wait and see. 

... 

Right after school, the following day, I headed straight to Nagoya by train, wishing Yoshida a goodbye as he went his own way back to the apartment. I was glad things were at least okay with him, even he still couldn't get along with Kizami. That would change eventually...I hoped. I was asked by Kizami to meet him and Nakano-chan at the apartment. We just planned to hang out since I hadn't seen him in quite a while and then Kizami and I would tell him, in confidence, that we were together. It was something to tell because you trusted the person, but it may also have been our way to determine if Nakano had feelings for Kizami. Putting it that way seemed ridiculous, but I trusted that the dream Kizami had involved Nakano's behavious, thus leading us to the conclusion that Nakano liked Kizami. It was plausible when looking at how Kizami and I started and how Yoshida felt about me. It was possible, that's all I can really say.

I couldn't lie: I felt nervous telling Nakano about me and Kizami, like when we spoke about it with Mitsuki and Fukuroi. The biggest problem was that I barely knew Nakano, so I didn't know how he would react. Of course he was a good person with a bright personality, but that's what I thought about Urabe as well until she found out. I think she still is all those things, she was just closed minded about homosexual relationships and would prefere it if Kizami ended up with Kirisaki. I wasn't sure if that night would be the same, so that's why my confidence was a little weak. Whatever would happen would just...happen. 

I headed up the stairs of the apartment building, plastic bag in hand. I did bring over some stuff I prepared earlier. Nothing special, just some dumplings. I don't think, at the time, I thoroughly thought about my choice in cooking. Kizami did tell me in advance that the door would be unlocked and that I could just head on in. From the other side of the door, I could hear the muffled sounds of voices. Kizami and Nakano. It would be okay for me to just enter, in that case. I took my time, ready to excuse myself when entering. I didn't hesitate for long, opening the door and stepping through just by a few inches when I interupted their...conversation. "-Senpai, I love you. I love you so much, so-...!". 

I froze, my heart skipping a cold beat upon hearing those trembling words. I was certainly faced with Kizami and Nakano, who had frozen in place too. Kizami's gaze had immediatly shifted towards me as Nakano had bowed in front of Kizami, his eyes wide and his cheeks flushed red in realisation. He trembled, slowly standing up straight to look at me. There was a dead silence, one that made it seem like time had stopped in just a moment. I wasn't expecting this so soon, but it had happened right before my eyes. And I couldn't believe it... 

... 

Nobody had spoken in quite some time, the atmosphere simply dropping after so many awkward seconds past. We were all so still, gazes affixed to me since my entry. Nakano was obviously the most tense--the embarrassment clear on his face. He eventually lowered his head, his lips trembling. "I...". He finally spoke, although his words were stuck in a quiet mutter. "I-I should...g-go. I...". Kizami reached out, touching Nakano's shoulder to be of some comfort. At this, Nakano raised his head and looked directly up at Kizami with teary eyes. "Nakano, I think we should talk privately. Kurosaki, I need you to just stay in the living room, okay? This shouldn't take too long". He wanted to go himself? "Wait, Kizami...Maybe-". "No, it's okay. Just give me a minute. Nakano, come on". Kizami led Nakano to the bedroom for a private conversation. 

My heart sank. We were suppose to tell Nakano together, but I suppose Kizami thought it would make things a lot less awkward if he told Nakano himself. When the door closed behind them, I let out a tired sigh. A feeling of frustration came over me. Why did it have to happen now of all times? And why did it have to be true? I didn't blame Nakano for liking Kizami...No, he said he loved Kizami. That's what made me feel worse. Nakano said something that took Kizami and I months to say to eachother. He sounded so serious too, although obviously nervous. And I, somehow, felt terrible that he would be rejected. I know it was silly, but it couldn't be helped. These types of things are so complicated that you can't help but feel bad for the naive person in the room. 

He had no idea Kizami and I were together, and it makes me think he should have known sooner so that he wouldn't have to suffer any heart-break. That's why I was so frustrated. I know that I would hate that. I did, at some point before Kizami and I became lovers. While I still liked Mitsuki, I eventually found out that she got her first boyfriend. She was pretty giddy about it to me without knowing how I felt about her. It's crushing. I removed my shoes, inviting myself in and removing my coat and scarf. I set down the plastic bag of dumplings, my stomach turned too far to even think about heating them up. I just had to wait and see the outcome of this. 

... 

I waited for some time, my stomach growling from emptiness. I wasn't in the mood to digest food. My thoughts were more focused on the situation at hand as I waited and fretted. But, eventually, the bedroom door opened once again. The two stepped out, Nakano looking rather down--but not as bad as I imagined. He raised his head, and then looked to me. A smile formed on his lips as he approuched me, and sat down. "Uh, you guys, I'm just going to prepare whatever you brought over, Kurosaki". Kizami offered, his footsteps tapping toward the kitchen. "Oh, uh...Th-they're dumplings, just boil them and it should be fine. Um...". I turned to Nakano, puzzled.

"What, uh...What did Kizami say to you?" "Well...". Nakano began, seemingly feeling a little better from earlier. "He told me very clearly that you two were...together. I'm not gonna lie: I was shocked, quite distraught, actually. B-but he apologised for not telling me a lot sooner and that he shouldn't have lied about it. I mean, I'm still upset--but I feel worse about you, Kurosaki". "Me...?" "I-I'm sorry for what happened. You must have hated to walk in on that and I'm really embarrassed". "Huh? N-no, don't feel that way. I know how you feel, so it's okay". Seemed that things turned out okay, even without me there to support Kizami. That's how emotionally strong he was. "Kurosaki-kun...". "Yeah, Nakano-chan?" "You love Senpai very much, don't you?" "Of course I do. I-I'm sorry if-". "It's okay. I just wanted to hear it from you too. I explained this to Senpai already, but...I ended up lying to him as well". "...? What do you mean by that?" "Well, I've been seeing Yuuya-Senpai around school a lot, before I even met him. I ended up falling for him at first sight. I felt stupid for it, but then I got up the courage to speak to him. Then I ended up lying to him and I asked him for help on how to get a girlfriend--just to get close to him". That explained a lot. He was just embarrassed and couldn't think of any other way to go talk to Kizami normally. "Then I lied about the girl in the library, who I ended up becoming good friends with. I asked her to help me out with Kizami, and she just told me to be direct and tell him straight". That also explained quite a bit. 

"So...yeah. That's pretty much it--and I feel bad about all of this". "Don't. I'm just glad that we settled things. And are you...okay with this? I mean-". "I'll be okay. To be honest, Kurosaki, I still do have feelings for Senpai--but I'll get over them, I promise. Just gimme some time". I was a little skeptical about that, but if he felt that way and was determind enough, perhaps he would get over his feelings. They had quite a long talk, too, so maybe that helped. "Kurosaki, could you help make some tea, please?" Kizami asked from the kitchen, receiving an immediate yes from me. I gave Nakano a reassuring smile and a pat of the shoulder before standing up. I met Kizami in the kitchen, and began preparing some tea. "So, how are things on your end? They sound fine from Nakano, at least". "Yeah, everything's okay. It'll just take some more time before Nakano can say that he only sees me as a friend. It'll be hard as well, comsidering how devoted he is. But, in the end, he seemed to understand". "Well, what did you say to him?" "After telling him that I was with you, I followed up by saying that I knew how he felt, though; since I'm totally devoted to you, Kurosaki. I could never fall for someone this much. When he heard that, he told me that he understood. See, he loved me for quite a few reasons: one of them being my apparent confidence in the things I do. However, it seemed clear that I can't be that confident around you, Kurosaki. I can't help but falter around you". My cheeks felt slightly warm, a throb running through my heart. This was true but hearing it so directly seemed kinda...Hell, I can't even describe it. "Around you, I lose my composure so easily because of how much I love you. It sounds silly, doesn't it?" "N-no, not at all. It's actually quite sweet". I would have kissed Kizami if Nakano wasn't right there. Meh, I could do it later. I could kiss him everywhere if I wanted to. Hearing that Kizami loses his composure around me felt quite amazing on my part. Sure, I had the same feelings, but this was Kizami we were talking about. 

"Dumplings are ready. Kurosaki, just bring the tea right over when it's ready". "Got it". Kizami set the dumplings on a plate and brought them over to Nakano. I looked over to them, a smile drifting on my lips. At least they were still friends, like me and Yoshida. This situatjon seemed easier to get past, because Nakano was so sweet and gentle. No offense to Yoshida, of course. Even if Nakano did still have feelings for Kizami, he could possibly get over them soon--knowing Kizami's weakness and why he couldn't accept those feelings. Me. I was the reason. I was Kizami's weakness. Not that that's a good thing, but, you know...It's okay to know that Kizami isn't a total tough guy. He's actually quite gentle. At least, that's the person he shows more often everyday. I think that makes us both happy. "Kurosaki, the kettle's boiling". "Oh, shoot! Sorry...". That makes us both very happy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this may have seemed a little anti-climactic, but it was the best way I could end the chapter and move on. Buuuut, I do have some more things planned. So...yeah. That'll start next.


	68. When Time Changes, But Some People Don't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a break, everyone. I'm sorry, but I needed to step away from this just a little. My mind wasn't in the right place. Very sorry, but here's the next chapter. Enjoy...
> 
> Also; quick trigger warning here. There is a very small amount of homophobia in this chapter. Nothing too serious, but it was still kinda hard to write considering I despise prejudice to the core. Hope you enjoy.

Kizami's POV

Things had gotten quieter as of recently. Winter was already approuching with haste-as shown through the cold weather. We would be in our second of university soon, still quite far apart yet seemingly closer than ever now. The trust between Kurosaki and I had gotten so much stronger since the incedents with Yoshida during Summer and Nakano during the middle of Autumn. It made me realise how mature we've both become as a couple. We use that word so easily now to mark our relationship. Looking back on it now, it seems so odd but so incredible at the same time. And, in addition, there's absolutely no shame in it whatsoever. Love is love. That's what are relationship has always been. And I felt, with that lack of embarrassment and shame as of recently, things would certainly calm down around us-among the people and the atmosphere. Sounded perfect... 

I parked myself next to Kurosaki on the floor, as he was still occupied with his laptop instead of coming straight to bed once I lay out a couple of futons. It left curious as to what he found so interesting. "What are you doing?" I finally asked, resting my chin over his shoulder comfortably before gaining his attention. Kissing his sensitive ears seemed to awlays do the trick. His shoulders tensed, and he squirmed slightly at the sensation. "H-hey, cut it out...I'm just...saying goodnight to a few friends online". "Hm? You mean...Wait, since when did you talk on social media?" "Hehe, not that long. But I've talked to plenty of people already, from all over. Here, look". I scimmed over the screen, seeing many greetings under many different profile names. I was never too fond of social media. It sounded like a hassle to me. "There's so many people I can talk to, from different cities in Japan-and even the world. Although, it is hard to talk to people who purely speak English. I'm still learning, after all. Hey, maybe you should set up one. You can make plenty of acquaintances at the click of a button". I sighed. "No thanks. I would prefere sticking to text messages and calls between us. And I'm glad you used the term "acquaintances". It's not like any of these people are your friends". "Yeah, I know. But it's good to talk to them, especially when they post up funny pictures of videos". "Uh-huh...Um, well, could you say goodbye to whoever you're talking to? We both have university tomorrow". "Yeah, I got it. I don't really have to say I'm going. I'll just turn it off and that will notify everyone on the page that I'm gone. Okay?" 

Kurosaki turned off the laptop before getting up and escorting us over to the futons I set up. As I slipped in mine, Kurosaki turned off the light above and slipped in his too. I crawled up rather close to Kurosaki, reaching out to hold his hand. "Goodnight, Kurosaki. Have a good sleep". "You too, Kizami. I love ya". He quickly leaned over, placing a kiss on my lips before snuggling back under his blanket with a smile on his lips. This was just as nice as a cuddle; holding hands from two futons as the night eased us into slumber. I was happy I could hear Kurosaki wish me a goodnight in person. I could vaguely remember the moments before we met up for the first time, and we would say goodnight over a silent text before curling up under blankets with seemingly too much space. It made me think...I know we were just in our first year of college with no full-time job or house of our own, but...I wished we could do this every night. Just us, together, sharing a futon or a bed maybe. Oh well...Maybe after university, we could...be like this every night... 

... 

I managed to talk with Nakano-chan normally the following day. Apparently he met some people at school who treat him fairly and as a friend. He tells me it was because I gave him a boost of confidence, but most of that is all up to him in the end. He talks to those friends online now, just like Kurosaki does with his. Honestly, I personally don't see the purpose of such things when you can call and text people you can consider as real friends-people you are normally close to at school or work. I think the only exception is when a friend moves country-and no one that we know has. They simply moved city.

I managed to get out early in class, since it was more of a study period, and headed straight to Kurosaki's college in Osaka to meet him. We had planned to go on a date later on in the evening, right after he finished off some work for college. Once I saw many other students walk past me at the front gates, I waited with a little more impatience for Kurosaki. I wanted to see him, after all. We had only saw eachother the previous night, but these two-in-a-row evenings didn't happen very often. When I spotted him come out from the front entrance, I was enthusiastic. At least until I saw the other three men follow him out, talk to him, laugh with him. I had never seen them before. They must have been Yoshida's friends, yet he wasn't there with them. I had no problem with it, they just didn't seem like Kurosaki's type of crowd.

I waited patiently as they gradually approuched, Kurosaki being the only one to smile upon seeing me while the others gave me a blank stare. "Hey, Kizami". Kurosaki greeted me, going on ahead of his...acquaintances to see me. He turned back to them for a moment, smiling with enthusiasm. "Guys, this is Kizami, the one I was talking about. He's my best friend". ...and lover-but he couldn't mention that, I suppose. "Hey, man". One of them greeted, followed by the other's awkward greeting. "Kizami, these are Yoshida's friends. I told you about them too, right?" "What are ya talkin' about, Kuro-chan? You're basically our friend too". One of the boys placed Kurosaki into a playful headlock, ruffling his hair using his knuckle. For some reason, the use of his honorifics and the nickname given to Kurosaki pissed me off. I shouldn't be bothered by it, but I was. "Haha, c-c'mon, Kato-senpai, that's enough". Kurosaki lightly shoved him away. "Er, Kizami, is it alright if we walk part the way with these guys? Oshiro-senpai was just inviting them to his place, so I was gonna walk them a little to the station". "I did invite you, ya know". "A-and I said I couldn't. I'm busy, Oshiro-senpai". "Whatever. Let's just get goin' so we don't miss the train". Kurosaki and I walked on ahead while those other guys lagged behind in their own little conversation. Just hearing them made me roll my eyes in disdain. 

"Kizami, you okay?" Kurosaki muttered to me almost under his breath, a concerned look on his features. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just have to ask...are you comfortable with those guys?" "Eh? W-well, comfortable isn't the right word, I suppose. Sometimes they can be a bit much-which surprises me considering that Yoshida is friends with them". "So you're not comfortable?" "Well, I...Th-they're okay, Kizami. There's nothing wrong with them. It's just that they're more...boyish than I am. You know what I mean?" It was true that Kurosaki had matured quite a lot since high school, but he still had a boyish charm of his own-one that made him cute and very charming and fun. The guys walking behind us seemed to have the boyish charm of a grade-schooler playing with a dead chicken. In other words; "They don't suit your usual crowd, Kurosaki. Don't you have better friends at college?" "I do have other friends, who are more docile, but I don't mind these guys. They know how to have fun". "...If you say so". I glumly agreed. "Just be careful. Don't be sucked into comformity with a group like them". "I-I won't. Nothing will change about me, Kizami. Besides, they really aren't bad guys once you get to know them. Trust me". 

At those words, immediatly after, Kurosaki and I heard the echo of a soda can hit the pavement from a distance-like it had been thrown. We both swiftly turned around to see the three men look directly across the street and at two other figures. Two other men, grasping eachother's hands as they stared right back at the group with startled looks. "Bastards-get off the street!" "You're both disgusting!" "Gross...!" They were...yelling at this obvious couple, spouting prejudice at them for no reason other than the fact that-clearly-they were both men. And it honestly angered me. They didn't know about me and Kurosaki. If they did, god knows that they would have hurt him. Even if I couldn't tell them that, I had to step in and put an end to the pointless harrassment. "K-Kizami, wait a moment!" Kurosaki tried to stop me, but I went on ahead as one of those morons raised their soda can to throw. I grabbed his wrist, earning the attention from them all. "The hell do you think you're doing, harrassing two innocent people in public? What have they ever done to you, assholes?" I was seriously angry at their behaviour. If they had known about Kurosaki and I...It would be the exact same situation. "Hahh? The fuck? Oh, I see, you're one of them, aren't you? If that's the case, don't fucking touch me!" The idiot I stopped suddenly tried to swerve his hand from my grip, but I only tightened it. "Ack...! Wha-it hurts you fruit! Let go!" "Hey, let go of him, you piece of-!" "Stop, all of you!" 

Kurosaki suddenly jumped into the argument, getting inbetween all of us. "Kizami, let go of Kato-senpai, okay?" Hesitating, I did as Kurosaki asked and let go. The bastard crawled behind his friends, scared-practically shitting himself. "A-and, the rest of you...it doesn't matter whether those two people are together or not-you shouldn't harass people on the street. That isn't right. I'm going to go apologise to them immediatly. So don't do anything stupid like that again". "But Kuro-". "I mean it. Now, I'll be right back. Don't do anything while I'm gone". Kurosaki left us, rushing across the street-while looking out for traffic-to kindly apologise to those innocent people. I'm sure that they just wanted to head home or wherever with eachother without receiving any harrassment from a bunch of moronic losers. Kurosaki was too kind for his own good, these so-called "friends" barking up the wrong tree. They looked at me in disgust-but I could see that they were even a little intimidated by me. I looked to Kurosaki again, seeing him bow politely to the couple before they said their goodbyes-voices muffled by the distance. Kutosaki then made his way back, without getting another word in. "Hey, Kurosaki, we're just gonna go down this way to the station. We'd rather not walk alongside your "friend". You'd best figure out what company you keep". "I should say the same to you, brats". I replied sharply. "We're older than you". "That doesn't mean much when you don't act like it, shithead. Come on, Kurosaki". "H-hey, Kizami?" I walked on ahead, expecting Kurosaki to follow me. He had no choice, considering I was heading towards his apartment. 

"I-I'm sorry, guys, but I have to go. I'll see you...tomorrow, I guess". "Kurosaki...". I called to him as I walked. "Don't apologise. It's better if you don't pay attention to such trash. It's better left on the sidewalk rather than have you pick it up". I meant that for more than one thing. Kurosaki shouldn't have to apologise for anyone. "Kizami! Ugh, see ya, fellas. Kizami, wait up!" Kurosaki ran towards me, catching up swiftly. He was still into baseball and track, so of course he could easily catch up to me. He didn't say anything to me, yet. He just said; "Can we talk about this at the apartment?" I agreed, not wanting them to overhear us through the echo of the empty street. Kurosaki would have been angry with my behaviour-but it wouldn't surprise me if he was madder at them than me-why wouldn't he be? They were out of line, yelling insults at a same sex couple because they were so closed minded and clealy unaware that we were living in the 21st century. I've known this for a while, but some things in the world never change. It's people like that who are stubborn and too blind to see that there's nothing wrong with two men-or even two women-being together. I suppose this has become a strong opinion of mine ever since I fell in love with Kurosaki. It's grown on me. I wouldn't exactly consider myself as a homosexual male, since I'm more an asexual with an exception. I have no romantic or sexual interest for anyone other than Kurosaki. Still...I feel that if two men like me and Kurosaki-who originally identify as asexual and heterosexual-can be together, then why can't it be the same for people who identify as anything else? I suppose I partly picked up these opinions from Kurosaki. That doesn't surprise me in the least. 

...

Arriving at the apartment, Kurosaki was the first to speak once we removed our shoes and stepped further in. "So...". He began, fidgeting and looking around as he tried to figure out what to say. "I-I understand why you got angry, but you didn't have to act so violently, Kizami". "I know, and I apologise-but I also don't understand why you would still hang out with those-those...Haah, the point is that you're better than that. If they ever found out about you and me, they could hurt you like they tried to hurt that couple from earlier-only worse. Kurosaki, I'm saying this for your own good. Stay away from them". I had to get straight to the point. There was no use in beating around the bush while those idiots were prowling around. They may have taken a hint from my earlier actions, and even Kurosaki's. In that respect, it would be best for Kurosaki to stay away from them. Kurosaki hesitated. It shouldn't be a problem, since it was clear that those guys were not good company-the worst company. However, Kurosaki hesitated because, well, he tries to see the best in people before the bad things. He hesitated because it was a habit for him to figure out what the good things were, hoping that they would overlap the bad things. It was very sweet of him to think that way, but I didn't want him to be at risk. I couldn't be there all the time to fend off the bullies. So, Kurosaki had no other choice but to avoid them while I was gone. I approuched Kurosaki, wrapping my arms around him in a secure, but gentle, hug. I kissed the spot by his ear, then on his forehead. Running my fingers through his hair and wrapping my arm around his waist, I brought him closer. 

"Please, Kurosaki. You have to trust me. I don't want you to get hurt. Promise that you won't go near them. Hang out with good people, stay within that crowd and you should be fine. Maybe for just a few months. Those guys are in their forth year, right? It won't be long until they leave, so...until then, please just-". "Okay...". I stopped, hearing Kurosaki's muffled agreement against my shoulder. I pulled away slightly, cupping both his cheeks in my hands and raising his head to look up at me. He was smiling sweetly, overlapping my hand with his. "If you really think that I might be at risk of getting my ass kicked while you're not there, I'll stay away from them. I do have other friends, so, yeah, I should okay". "Promise...?" Kurosaki held out his pinky finger, the nostalgia making my heart skip a beat. I locked our pinky fingers, receiving a happier smile from Kurosaki. "I promise". I quickly leaned down, giving Kurosaki a kiss on the lips. Once our promise unlocked, Kurosaki wrapped his arms around my neck to join the hug.

As it parted, several knocks came at the door. Kurosaki would have gone and answered it right away if not for the voice, interupting his movements. "Kurosaki, it's me, Shinji. Open up, Ineed to borrow your notes". I furrowed my brow, grabbing Kurosaki's hand protectively. "We're not here". I whispered to him, receiving a sigh from Kurosaki. "Come in, Yoshida". I rolled my eyes. Guess he still wouldn't avoid certain people. The front door opened, Yoshida stepping inside and pausing abruptly as soon as he spotted me holding Kurosaki's hand firmly. "Oh...Am I interupting?" "No, Yoshida. It's fine. Lemme get the notes. Which one's do you need?" "Uh...I need those books I let you borrow. Sorry, it's for a class in town. Hope it's okay". "No, it's no problem. I had just finished reading them anyway. Thanks again for letting me borrow them now-...uh, Kizami, I need ya to let go of me. Please?" I let go, hesitently. "I'll be right back". At least Kurosaki would be out of the room. The only problem was, I didn't want to be in the same room with Yoshida. Yes, we still disliked eachother. Once Kurosaki left for his bedroom, I was left alone with Yoshida. Silence filled the room...Great. 

"So...". He began. "How are things with you and Kurosaki?" "Great, actually". I answered without hesitation. "We're happy". "Good to know. I'm actually going out with a guy myself. He's nice, treats me properly and doesn't just think about himself". "Did I need to know that?" "Yeah, you did. Otherwise I'd think you might still suspect me of still being in love with Kurosaki". I crossed my arms. Yoshida sighed, shaking his head to himself. "I'm not, okay? I get it: he only loves you. Now can you stop giving me such a disdainful look?" "I should say the same of you. I actually think that you're a little jealous". "Nope. Not at all". 

This was how things were going to go until Yoshida left college. Might as well ask him one thing: about his so-called "friends". "Hey, Yoshida, you prefere men, don't you?" "Yeah, that's correct? Why?" "I was just wondering, did you know that those "friends" of yours are extremely homophobic?" Yoshida's eyebrow arched in puzzlement. "Friends? Oh, those idiots I used to hang out with. No, they were never my friends". "Huh...?" Now I was puzzled. Yoshida spoke on, explaining. "One day they just came up to me during lunch and sat with me, talked to me. I didn't want to converse with them, since they clearly were not my type of crowd. Then I found out that they hated homosexuals. At the time, I identified as straight and I didn't want to get involved. However, I stopped hanging out with them after I realised my feelings for Kurodaki-which I do not feel anymore. They got bored once I ignored them and now they just hang out with Kurosaki. Wait, so you know now that they would be against your relationship-if they found out?" I nodded. "Yes, and I told Kurosaki to stay away from them". "Good. That's for the best. Don't have him say anything to them. He should just shun them, stick with anothet crowd and walk away from them until they get bored. Trust me, good-for-nothings like them get bored easily. Makes me wonder how they got into college in the first place. Just tell Kurosaki to be careful, because they're persistant bastards". "I will. Uh...I hate to say it, but thanks, Yoshida". "No problem. I still consider Kurosaki as a friend. But, as his boyfriend, you should do whatever you can to protect him. So...yeah...". The silence grew once more, the atmosphere a little less hostile from before. 

Kurosaki exited the bedroom with a small pile of books under his arm. He approuched Yoshida, passing them over. "Here you go". "Thank you, Kurosaki. Maybe I can lend you more whenever possible". "I would like that. See ya later, Yoshida". "See ya. And, Kizami, remember what I said". I briefly nodded to Yoshida before he left. The silence settled in again until a sigh escaped Kurosaki. "Okay, I'm gonna finish off my work and then we can go, okay?" "Sure. I'll help out, if you'd like". "Absolutely. I'm not as smart as you, so it would help greatly. Thanks". Kurosaki went ahead towards the bedroom, and I shortly followed. On the way, I took his hand once more, swaying them back and forth as we entered the bedroom. He didn't protest or question it. By now, even in the comfort of our homes, we hold hands like this.

I wish I could be there for Kurosaki all the time-not just on odd dates or meet-ups. I wanted to comfort him and protect him as much as I could. The situation that we were in now was totally ambiguous. I didn't know the outcome, but surely things would work out in the end. I hated to keep Kurosaki away from the whole world-that's why I worked hard towards building a relationship with my siblings. But this just spelled danger, of some kind. So all we could do was take things slowly and hope that those bastards didn't do anything to hurt Kurosaki. If they did-if they even tried-I would never let them off easily. I understand by now that I can be very protective of Kurosaki, but if this situation became serious then I would have no choice but to hurt anyone who lays a finger on Kurosaki. He doesn't deserve that. He's the kindest, sweetest, most gentle person I know-in a sense that he wouldn't hurt anyone else, he hates causing trouble for people and I know he only sees the good in others. Those are the reasons why I love him so much, but it's also why I need to keep him safe. I didn't trust this ambiguous situation one bit. All we could do was be patient...


	69. Trapped In A Narrow Path

Kurosaki's POV

I ended up making a promise to Kizami that I would stay away from Kato and the others. After the scene they made the other day, towards that innocent couple, and I could see why. Kizami was only concerned for me, and I trusted him. If he felt that hanging around them was dangerous, I had to trust his judgement this one time. After what happened, the evidence was right in front of me. I wasn't alone, though. I had made other friends during this year at college. A friendly group of men and women who I studied with or hung out with on campus. Some where in the same year as me while others were a little older. It was fun, but it wasn't like my old group of friends in high school. I missed them dearly. I would never have the same group of friends as I did in high school. The only one from that group was Kizami, and Fukuroi on occasion. Anyway, I knew that if I stuck with this group as I usually did, I could avoid Kato and the rest. I never hung out with them that often, anyway. The only problem was...I felt like they were giving me weird looks from across the cafeteria or the library. To be honest, I didn't know whether to feel guilt or dread. Sure I left them in the dark as to why I had been working so hard to avoid contact with them, but maybe that was the best choice. Because as the day went on I thought I could hear them whisper and then go silent whenever I passed by in the hallway. It was strange and almost scary, if you think about it. 

At the end of the day, I arranged to come to Kizami's apartment. I managed to tag along with some of my friends as they headed down the street or to the train station. I felt a little more secure around them. "Kurosaki-kun, is something wrong? You've been kinda quiet". "Oh, it's nothing, Rei-chan. I'm fine". Rei-chan was a sweet girl, the only girl of our group that was in my year. I talked to her as often as the others and found her to be very kind and gentle. I didn't know much about her yet, but to take my mind off of the situation I decided to get to know her. "Say, Rei-chan, where are you headed?-if you don't mind my asking". "Not at all. Actually, I'm going to my Grandmother's house at the next station. Both of my parents work so I don't get to go home that often". "Eh? You still live with your parents?" "For now. They worry too much and think that I won't be able to live alone. I'll show 'em. That's why I'm taking Home Ec' next year. I want to learn to cook and handle money and everything". "I'm sure you'll do great. If you want, I could teach you how to cook. Although, I learned from a friend of mine, so I'm still techniqally learning". Rei-chan's expression brightened up, her next reaction was to cling to my arm like a friendly, but not awkward, hug. "Ooh, thank you, Kurosaki-kun! You're such a sweetheart!" "Hehe, n-no, nothing like that. I'm just helping out". 

Just as I got into a brighter mood with Rei-chan by my side, I spotted something at the corner of my eye that immediately changed my flow of thinking. The dread in the pit of my stomach returned as I looked up and saw a shady looking guy in a hoodie glance away from us, pulling down the hem of his hood more to shroud his face. I could just recognise them from the freckles and the straightened fringe. I gulped, looking away from him. Seeing my expression, Rei-chan grew puzzled, and then concerned. "Kurosaki-kun, is something wrong?" She asked in a small voice. "It's really nothing to worry about. Sorry". I looked up again, seeing the guy walk away from the station. 

I relaxed ever so slightly, taking a deep breath before exhaling all of my anxiety, or most of it anyway. We continued to wait at the station platform, quietly for the most part. The guy didn't return, not alone and not with a group either. I was thankful. I'd hate to think that they would get on the train with me. I would hate it to be just paranoia, but I suspected it to be Kato and the others. It had to be since they've been giving me strange looks all day. I didn't know how to feel about that. Should I be scared or nervous? It was unclear. I couldn't wait to see Kizami now. Be held in his arms, kissed by him, comforted by him. That was the encouregment I had to keep my cool and not freak out over this situation. 

... 

Knocking on his door, I received a swift answer and a smile. "Hey, Kurosaki. Did you get here okay?" Just seeing Kizami made me feel much better. "Yeah, I did. Haa...You know, I really missed you, Kizami". It was a bit of an exaggeration, since we had just seen eachother the other day. But I needed a little warmth, a whiff of his scent and I needed to hear his softly spoken words. I wrapped my arms around him, snuggling close to his chest. He naturally wrapped his arms around me and ran his fingers through my hair. "Is everything alright, Kurosaki? You look tired. Did those jerks say or do anything to you?" I shook my head against his chest, inhaling softly into his toasty sweater. "No, they didn't come near me and I did the same thing. I mean, I felt guilty about it, but I felt kinda worried as well. I think they might suspect us of being a couple". "I see. Did you stay with your friends today?" I nodded. "Then keep doing that. Ignore them, stick with a large group of good people and you should be fine. If they try anything, tell me and I'll deal with it". "Oh, come on, Kizami, they won't do anything". I pulled away, although gripping his sweater still. "Look, I'll do as you say and stay away from them. They might get bored eventually and that will be it. You don't have to do anything, okay?" "I hope not, but if they did...". I rolled my eyes. Kizami was so protective of me sometimes. It didn't surprise me that he was so protective now. 

I reached for his hand, holding it firmly in mine. I looked into his eyes and smiled. "It'll be okay. So, don't worry too much". Kizami didn't smile back, a look of worry affixed to his face as a sigh escaped his lips. "Idiot, I can't stop worrying. I won't be able to pick you up from college for a while, because I have exams coming up. And I know you do, too. So...be careful while I'm not there". "I will, thanks". A smile finally appeared on Kizami's lips. He leaned in and kissed my forehead, seeming a little withdrawn. He squeezed my hand, his lips lingering on my forehead for a few more seconds-more than I expected. When he pulled away, he didn't pull back very far. 

His free arm wrapped around me and pulled me in. Kizami was seriously worried, and, honestly, so was I. I've never really been at risk of being bullied-which I assumed was the risk here. There was only that one time in elementary school, as I recall. Kizami stepped in and saved the day, I suppose. Thinking about it now, I falter and I get these chills down my spine. I only think about it now because of the situation I'm currently in. That time...Kizami pulled a box cutter out on those boys, threatening them without flinching a muscle. Remembering that now, in that moment while Kizami held me protectively, I grew more worried. It wasn't fear or this sudden uneasiness around Kizami. I was just worried about him. Very worried. 

It was obvious that he was protective of me, even against himself. The first time he ever let his emotions pour out all at once was when I saw just how much he cared about me, how much he kept locked away. He felt so guilty for causing me so much trouble, so I suppose protecting me was his way of atoning for that. But, honestly, Kizami doesn't have to atone for anything. As long as he's happy, that's what matters. And I'm sure he feels the same way about me, only he's so much more protective. Kizami just has a different way of thinking when it comes to this kind of stuff, when I'm at risk of anything. So, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if I get hurt, Kizami will as well. In that respect, I really had to be careful and avoid those guys as much as I could, for as long as it took. Although has happened yet, I feared the worst to come. 

... 

I sighed deeply, walking out of the exam hall feeling exhausted of all energy. It was over. My exam was over. I rubbed my eyes, yawning as I waited patiently for Rei-chan to make her exit and walk with me. We were going in the same direction again, so it was best if we walked together. I looked around the hallway, college students passing in and out of classes and through the hallway in both directions. My mind could have wandered due to my tired state, but I chose to try and remain focused until I would reach my apatment. I wasn't able to see Kizami, since he was just as busy with exams and studying. He said we could call eachother before bed, but not for too long. Wouldn't want to get too tired and wake up at a bad time.

I waited just a little longer until I peered back into the room, suddenly seeing Rei-chan approuch me wearing a smile, but not her decorative book bag. "Rei-chan? What's up? You comin'?" She shrugged. "You go on ahead. I need to make up some more notes for class, so I don't know when I'll be out. It shouldn't take too long, but I don't wanna keep you waiting". I nodded. "Okay, I see. Well, alright. I'll see you when I see you, then". "Great. Bye, Kurosaki. And I hope your test went well". "I hope so too. I mean, for you as well. See ya, Rei-chan". We waved eachother goodbye before I made my way down the hallway and towards the stairs. Looked like I was going home alone this time. I didn't mind too much, I guess. It just sucked that I had no one to talk to while heading home. So far, that was my biggest problem and nothing more than that. 

I exited the college, making my way to the main gates. The sky above was already darkening. It really was winter, huh? I sighed, my breath frosted. Good thing I wore heavier clothing that day. And good thing it hadn't started snowing just yet. I continued, each footstep leading me further and further away from the campus. I was approuching the wide, main gates when I notice another shadow stretch ou and follow me. I wanted it to be another student leaving the campus, ready to go their own way without paying me any mind. But then a second shadow appeared, stretching across the ground below and moving quickly towards as if its host was speed-walking. And that was exactly the case, as I soon found out. 

Footsteps grew louder behind me, and before I had any time to react, a hand grabbed me by the should and spun me around. I was startled, more than I thought I would be. Anxiety filled the very pit of my stomach when I saw the person, or persons, behind me. It was Kato and Oshiro. They both had scowls on their faces. Not surprising, considering how much I had avoided them until now. "Hey, Kurosaki. We need to talk to you". I had to get out of this, somehow. I had such a bad feeling in my stomach that it was almost nauseating. "N-not now, guys". I feebly replied, backing away from Kato's grip. "I need to head home and study for the next exam. Maybe another time, okay?" "There is no other time. Don't you fucking run away from us. Or, what, you need to meet your fucking boyfriend?" I was astonished, suddenly caught of guard by such harsh words. Of course they would be suspicious, but hearing something like that out loud terrified me. It chilled me to fucking bone. "Is that it, Kurosaki?" Oshiro asked, stepping in with his arms crossed. "Tell me, are you really the type to bend over for another guy? You like that kinda shit? Pervert". "Oshiro, that's enough". Kato, being the seemingly higher authority between the two, stepped in. Oshiro fell silent. "Kurosaki, tell us that it's not true and we'll leave you alone. I trust you to tell the truth-you've always been an honest and good kid. If you tell us the truth, and say that you have nothing to do with that fruit, then we have no quarrel with you". He meant Kizami...Hearing that hurt, like burns, like deep cuts into my skin. I was shaking, trembling in fear for-not myself, but for Kizami. 

I wasn't ashamed of our relationship. I loved Kizami enough to be able to admit just how much I adored him. He was the first person I ever truely fell in love with, and I could never hide that fact-not anymore. But...in such a situation, I didn't know what to do. If I told them that there was nothing between us but friendship, seeing the way that they spoke of him, I was afriad that they would try to hurt him like they tried to hurt that couple from the other day. If I admitted to them that me and Kizami were together, we would both get hurt eventually. It's only human to be scared of pain and suffering. And it's only more human to fear for the pain and suffering of someone you love. I didn't know what these guys were capable of, and not knowing scared me. I was so afraid in those few moments of silence. My throat was dry, my lips quivering as I hesitated to speak. There was only one thing I could say. It was the truth, but not entirely the truth. 

"Guys, Kizami isn't...Kizami isn't like that". I muttered, trying to keep myself together. "Hahh...?" Both men were puzzled, looking to me for answers. "Kizami's just a good friend, and he thinks of me the same way. He doesn't care for stuff like that. We've just been friends for a long time, that's all". That was my answer. My only hope in getting out of this while being honest and trying to show some amount of courage towards them. "That's the truth?" "...! Kato, what are you-?!" "Kurosaki, is that the truth?" I nodded, relaxing a little. "I see. I'll believe you, since you're a good kid, right? Glad to know you're not some guy's bitch. If you were really one of them...". "Okay, okay, he isn't". Oshiro added swiftly. "But what about the Kizami guy? We can't be sure". "N-no, guys, he really isn't! He-". "How do you know, Kurosaki? They show up everywhere, and he seems to like you more than he should. Fuckin' creep". "N-no, guys. He really-". "You stickin' up for him?" "He's my friend-so of course I would! A-anyway, I don't see what the big deal is". Oh, no..."I don't see what's so wrong about it". No...I had to stop. "You say it's disgusting, but why do you say that? I don't get it". I had to stop, but I couldn't stop. I was just so..."People can like whoever they want. Who the hell are you to say they can't?!" I was so angry..."If anythino,..you're the weird ones for not accepting people for who they are!" 

I was sticking up for what I believe in, knowing it was dangerous to do so. And before I knew it, they were both looking at me in disgust again. They were silent, looking at eachother for a moment before looking right back at me. I felt stupid for speaking out, but there was no way to take it back. I wanted to back away, expecting to bump into another one of their friends as I tried to escape. However, in just a few short moments...I was saved. "Kurosaki-ku~n! Wait up~!" We all turned towards that voice. To me, that all-so-familiar voice was a life-saver. Rei-chan...She came running towards us, or towards me-to be more specific. I didn't expect it, but she suddenly clung to my arm when reaching me. We were all astonished by this, except for her, of course. She grinned a wide, toothed grin at me. "I thought you were gonna wait for me? Weren't we going back to your place tonight?" I was a little confused at first, but I said nothing against it. I had a strong feeling that this was going to get me out of this situation. "Y-yeah, I remember. Sorry, but you were taking forever so I wanted to wait by the gate". I played along, truely grateful to Rei-chan. "Awh, you meanie~. Well, doesn't matter, I guess. Since you're here. Uh, who are these guys, your friends?" "Y-yeah, you could say that. I would intoduce you, but maybe we really should be going, to study, remember?" "Yeah, of course. Let's go, then". "R-right. Uh, see ya, guys". They said nothing, astonished and obviously confused. Good... 

Rei-chan led me out of the campus, still clinging to my arm as she looked back behind her and towards the gate. When it seemed like the coast was clear, she sighed deeply in relief and let go of my arm. "Phew, man, that was weird. You okay?" She asked, concerned. "I'm fine. Ah, thank you so much, Rei-chan. You're my hero". "It's no problem. I was just heading out when I just heard what you were talking about and knew I had to step in. I can't believe those jerks-are they that closed minded?" Rei-chan was a lot stronger than she seems at first glance. That was really brave of her back then. "Uh, Rei-chan, just how much of that did you hear?" I asked, wondering if she found out about me and Kizami. "Just when you were defending gay rights and all. In front of those guys, that's a brave thing to do. What brought it up in the first place?" I wasn't ashamed of our relationship-with me and Kizami. But I didn't really know Rei-chan well enough to tell her that personal stuff. It sounds stupid, but I lacked the confidence still. "They, uh, saw that I helped out in our same-sex awareness project, remember?" "Oh, yeah. But that was ages ago. Don't know why they would hold a grudge against you about that. And why you?" "I dunno. Guess I look a lot weaker than most of the people who were a part of it". "Ugh, that annoys me. Those guys can't get it through their head-people can love whoever they want, with exceptions to shit like compensated dating and lolicons. It makes me sick". Despite how harshly she was speaking out, I smiled. I could admire such a person with a strong opinion, therefore having a strong heart. Rei-chan reminded me of Mitsuki when she got like this. Truely amazing. 

"Haah, I'm just glad you're okay. I've heard a lot of bad rumors going on about those guys. Their bad news. They aren't really your friends, right?" I did think so once, but now I didn't at all. They were a bad influence on anyone and caused pointless trouble for others. "No, they're not. I just said that 'cause...well, I'm sure you get the idea". "Well, I'm glad. Be careful, okay, Kurosaki? They're dangerous. I heard they beat up a guy from Home Ec', discovering that he was bisexual. It wasn't enough to send him to the hospital, but I heard it was bad enough for him to have to move schools. Poor guy". It was clear to me now that they were definitely dangerous. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind. Kizami was right to worry. If they could do something like that to someone just for being bisexual, there was no reason for them to hold back on hurting me or Kizami. "Are you gonna be okay?" "I'll be okay. Thank you, Rei-chan". "Anytime. If you need anything, just call or text me, okay? That's what friends are for". Yeah, this was the kind of friend I was better suited to hang out with, to laugh with. Rei-chan and the others. That's how it would be for the rest of my collge life. I just had to figure out how to deal with Kato and the rest. There were only three or four of them at most, but how do you deal with four, dangerous and violent bullies? I had no answer to that as of yet. I just focused on escaping as fast as I could from them, for today. Perhaps they would leave me alone for a while, thinking that I might have been involved with Rei-chan. But, what about Kizami? That was what I worried about the most. 

... 

I managed to study that night, take my mind of things. Although tiring, I made a good effort in memorising everything for my next exam. I stretched out my arms with a strained groan. It had gotten pretty dark outside, and it was pretty late. As I was thinking about calling up Kizami for the night, ready to lie on my bed and just talk like we would when together, my phone rang on my table. It surprised me, but my mind eased and I smiled. So he was calling me first, I thought as I reached for it. With a smile still on my face, I answered. No one else would call at this time, only him. "Hello...?" I answered, patiently waiting to hear his voice. And then..."Kurosaki...". I did. My smiled vanished upon hearing the tone of Kizami's voice. He sounded tired, heavy panting could be heard from the other end of the line. I grew concerned, quickly. "K-Kizami, are you okay? You...". "Come...Come to...the station, quickly. I need...I need to speak to you. There's...been a bit of an incedent". "Wh-what...i-incedent-are you okay? Which station?" "Yours, in Osaka. I'm waiting in the alleyway outside. Please, get over hear". I began shaking, but gave myself a nod and agreed to meet Kizami by the station as quickly as I could. I didn't hesitate. After we hung up I rushed to put on my shoes-as I was still wearing my ordinary clothes-and darted out of my apartment and down the stairs after locking the door. I went as fast ad my legs could carry me, all those years of baseball practic becoming really convenient at that moment. I hoped Kizami was okay, whatever had happened. I prayed silently as I ran through the streets during that cold, winter's night. My lungs felt heavy, my thoughts were heavy with worry, my legs soon felt weighed down by the pace I was struggling to go at. But, not too long after I began my hasty journey, I reached my destination. 

I slowed down, seeing the only alleyway next to the station. I stopped, bending down slightly and panting heavily in exhaustion. I wheezed, heavy, frosted breaths forcing their way out of my lungs. When I caught my breath, or most of it anyway, I stood up stright and looked around within the darkness of the alley. "Kizami...?" I called out, taking my phone out to use as a light source. It was pretty dim, but it didn't take long to receive a reply. "Over here, Kurosaki. I-it's okay, just come closer. Please...". Kizami's voice emitted from within. Narrowing my eyes, I could see his tall figure stand against the wall. I rushed over. "Kizami...!" He turned towards me, seeing my arms outstretched. When I practically collpased into his arms, I faltered in ease. "I'm so glad you're okay. What happened, why...?" When I pulled away from Kizami, the smell of sweat and something...else emitting from him, I manahed to get a better look. Kizami's bangs covered most of his face. Even so, I could see the bruises and his bloody nose dripping a dark crimson red. His...his shirt had a blood stain too. "Kizami, why are...Is that bl-blood?" "Relax. It's not mine". "Wh-what do you mean it's not yours? Are you-...?!" I paused, hearing a groan of pain come from a short distance within the alleyway. My eyes shifted to that place, seeing someone sat against the wall, clutching his arm while tembling. I looked back to Kizami, confused and disoriented, a clear cut on both his cheek and across his arm, too. 

"Kizami, tell me what happened right now. Who is that person?" "His name was Oshiro apparently. I came her to talk to you about something that had been bothering me, and then this bastard came out of nowhere-accused me of being a bad influence on you. I told him that wasn't true and that he was the bad influence-a being lower than shit. He pulled a knife out and attacked me, but...what this filthy mutt didn't realise was that I could bite back. I broke his arm, took the knife away and threw it far away from his reach. That's all there is to it". Kizami's tone of voice was cold, almost angry from what happened. "I called an ambulance a few moments after I called you. It should be here any moment to take this fucker to the hospital. Maybe they can fix his arm, but I'm not sure about his stupidity". "Kizami...you-wah!" Kizami suddenly pulled me into a tight hug, squeezing the life out of me. It was so unexpected, but, even for Kizami, this must have been quite traumatising. "I love you so much, Kurosaki...I'm glad that I was here instead of you, but...I was actually scared. Not of him, but...of myself". "...?" "Kurosaki, I...". Suddenly, from a far distance, I could hear the loud ringing of ambulance sirens. Kizami fell silent, still holding me in his arms like it was impossible to let go. I just beared with it, hugging him to in comfort. He was shaking, gripping my shirt tightly for warmth and comfort from the cold. The sirens got louder, unable for me to block them out. But for Kizami, I had a feeling that all he could hear was the pounding of his own heartbeat and each shaken breath the escaped past his quivering lips. I could hear it too, after all. 

... 

I had spent some time waiting for the nurse to let me see Kizami. From what I saw, he had no major injuries. Just bruises and cuts. I got some water from a nearby cooler. Not for me, but for him. When the nurse did finally come to meet me, I asked if I could visit Kizami and give him some water. She smiled and nodded, showing me the room he was in. It wasn't a ward or anything, just a small office for cleaning up minor injuries, almost like a room for check-ups at a clinic. I entered, hesitating a little. Once I saw Kizami, goosebumps ran up my arms and I felt a lump form in my throat. It wasn't too bad, honestly. But in the moment, when seeing Kizami that clearly, bruised and cut, I felt so uneasy and scared, almost. It hurt to see him in such a condition. He wasn't wearing a shirt. Thinking about it then brought a smile to my face as I recalled getting embarrassed over such a silly thing. But I knew it wasn't the time, so all I could do was smile as such a nice memory filled my head and took me away from seeing him in the condition he was really in. He looked like he was deep in thought. I hadn't seen that look on his face since high school, the times he would space out for no particular reason at all. Shimada used to give him crap for it, questioning why he was spacing out. I don't know why such things entered my mind so easily after what had happened. I suppose the fear of seeing Kizami, even in such a minor condition, brought back happier memories that I would rather focus on. I took a deep breath, approuching Kizami with his water. 

"Hey, Kizami. I brought you some water, if you want it. I assume you'll need it". Kizami raised his head to look at me, a small smile appearing on his lips finally. "Thank you, Kurosaki. I...appreciate that". I gave him the water, but he didn't drink it at first. He just held it in both hands, the plastic cup leaning on his knee as he slipped back into deep thought, his smile still on his face. I sat next to him on the check-up table, shifting closer towards him. The nurse had bandaged his arm, put a band-aid over his cut cheek and the bridge of his nose. I never thought I would see him like this again. "How are you feeling?" I asked. "Better than that bastard is, I bet. It was his own fault. A mutt barking up the wrong tree". "Kizami, that's enough. You don't need to talk about it". "Yes, I do. Haah, you don't understand Kurosaki. I...I was really scared back there. It wasn't even because of him, it was...I was scared of myself". "What do you mean? Kizami, please tell me what that means. I know I said you don't have to talk about it, but maybe...you should-at least to someone. If there's something wrong-". "I wanted to kill him, Kurosaki". "...?!" 

I was silent, my body frozen once those words left Kizami's lips. "I would have done it, you know? Taken the knife, and killed him. I thought about it for a split second during the struggle, and...it was the first time in my life I had ever felt such an intense kind of fear come over me. So all I did was disarm him, and I called an ambulance...and...I didn't kill him. Hah, I really didn't want to...go that far". Kizami smiled once more, his body beginning to tremble. "Kurosaki, I know you don't understand me completely...the thoughts that used to go on in my head. If it weren't for you, for everything we've been through, for showing me so much of myself that I didn't know existed...maybe I would have done it. I would have done worse than break his arm". I didn't know what to say. It was such a sudden explaination. I wouldn't have thought Kizami would be capable of even thinking such things-nevermind actually taking those thoughts into action. But he didn't do anything like that. In the end, he did the right thing and didn't do anything dumb. I wrapped an arm around him, resting my head on his shoulder. "It's okay, Kizami. I could understand your anger, but...you would never actually do something like that, would you?" "...No. No, I wouldn't. I'm sorry, I must have scared you". "It doesn't matter. I'm glad you're okay. And...what were you gonna tell me earlier? I mean, you said you wanted to talk to me about something...". Kizami wrapped his arm around me, kissing the top of my head. 

"I was wondering...would you like to live together, with me, until we graduate our first year?" I looked up at Kizami in surprise, our eyes meeting. "Please, Kurosaki. If you come to Nagoya, it would be so much safer. And it's just until those bastard leave, so you'll be safe come the next year. It may be moe inconvenient, considering you would have to get up a little earlier, but-". "Okay...". I answered, smiling. "Okay, just until the end of the year". Kizami looked a lot happier, kissing my cheek and temple with enthusiasm. "I'm so happy. Don't worry, I'll take full responsibility. I love you so much, Kurosaki". "I love you so much as well, Kizami". We hugged tightly, embracing eachother for as long as we had until the nurse returned. It was a good idea, one that we would have to take into action until graduation from our first year. It was just for a few months, after all. Then we would go back to normal. Yes...back to normal. I was glad that Kizami did what he did. Relieved, in fact. He did the right thing, in the end, even if he had to resort to a small level of violence in order to stop Oshiro. I was glad it was over for now. Staying with Kizami was probably the safest option until things cooled down. I hoped they would cool doen soon, otherwise I wasn't sure about what would happen in the near future. The thought still scared me. Oshiro was carrying a knife, after all. A knife...I trembled at the thought, hugging Kizami more securely. Winter break was coming up, so staying with Kizami would mean a longer period of time out of Osaka. Things would calm down then, surely. I had to trust that. I had to have faith in that. I had to...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's muuuuuuch later than usual. But, stuff went down. Stuff that I put out there. It makes you think that there was still just a little bit of Kizami in there. The Kizami we all know, who most hate-but we love. I love him, he's my favourite. Kurozami is my favourite. Stuff has gone down and I finally updated. I'm very sorry for the wait. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, although bad stuff did happen. Goodbye.


	70. We'll Always Stick Together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, you probably saw that this is "completed". Well, about that, I am just gonna say right now that I have not finished with this story. I'm gonna come back eventually and begin a sort of part two which is going to be based on Kizami and Kurosaki as adults. 
> 
> It'll be a fresh start and I'll try to have a better writing style. For now, though, this is the final chapter of As Time Passes, but I can clarify that this isn't the end. Okay. Thank you very much for the people who stuck around. And...enjoy. :)

Kizami's POV

With pencil in hand, my minor injuries still stinging, I continued with taking notes for class. Winter break was once again closing in and I still need to study. I sighed at the full stop that I had placed, my gaze wandering to the balcony of my apartment. It was chilly. Minutes had gone by since Kurosaki had gone out there to hang up the laundry on this cool but clear day. He was spacing out, bedsheet in hand as he stared out into the sky. Often I wondered, after that night, what exactly he thought of me. I still believed that he loved me and that he'd never leave my side-of course, more in an emotional way than a physical one. I asked him to stay with me for a while until things cooled off. After what happened, I thought those assholes who had been after Kurosaki were angry-pissed off. Although they have more reason to hate me than Kurosaki now. I was fine with that. If he was safe, that was all that mattered to me.

Kurosaki appeared to snap out of his trance, slight panic on his features before he continued to do the laundry-as if it was a big deal that he had forgotten for a moment. No need to panic. It's not like it started raining. I smiled, continuing with my work. It wasn't long until Kurosaki came back inside, laundry basket under his arm-to be placed in the corner of the room. The draft and soundly breeze ceased when Kurosaki shut the balcony door. She shivered visibly, cradling himself as he approuched. "Pretty cold out, huh?" He asked, heading fo the kitchen. "Is it alright if I make up some tea?" I nodded in reply. "Sure, go right ahead". 

Things seemed normal between us. By "normal", I mean that we were still close. I half-expected Kurosaki to try his best and avoid contact with me out of fear. But, as I recall, I didn't do anything for him to be scared of, did I? As far as I remembered, I simply admitted that I would have killed that boy who confronted me. Would that have scared Kurosaki? Knowing him, how naive and kind he is, he would just be worried. That didn't surprise me much. He often worried anyway. Not that that annoyed me or irritated me. His kindess was greatly appreciated, ever since we began dating. 

"Okay, we'll just wait for the water to boil and we'll be all set. Hey, Kizami, when do you want lunch? I was thinking of making something different today". Kurosaki looked over his shoulder to me, grinning. He was certainly acting like himself. "Uh, you don't have to do that, Kurosaki". "...? But I would like to. My cooking has really gotten better, thanks to you". "...Right. R-right, I'm glad". I must have had a werd look on my face as Kurosaki approuched me, kneeling down by my side. "Uh, Kizami, is everything okay? I know you've been pretty shaken up since that...incident, but...". I gave a smile to reassure him, and it seemed to work a little. "I'm alright". I answered briefly. "You sure? Okay...H-how is your injury?" "It"s alright. Much better". Kurosaki gave a nod in understanding, but his facial expression made me think that he wasn't totally satisfied with that answer. 

"How are you doing?" I asked. "Are those guys leaving you alone?" Kurosaki also gave a smile, a mannerism that was now shared between us as a couple as a way of reassuring eachother. "Yeah, they are. They haven't approuched me or anything since that night". "Good. I'm glad. They should know better than to harass you if I've got anything to do with it". I was protective of Kurosaki, and for good reason. Although I now had my siblings after seeing them and giving them a second chance, Kurosaki was all I had for years. My only family. If I ever lost him, I would be lost myself. This recent incident had me worried that Kurosaki would be terrified of me and leave. Never before had I been so worried about something like that. If the circumstances were different, if I didn't change, then perhaps I wouldn't have cared. If we had never started dating, if we went our separate ways then...I wouldn't have cared. But now...Now I... 

"Hey, Kizami?" I slipped out of my daze upon hearing Kurosaki's voice break through it. I must have been spacing out. "Uh, yes?" I replied. "...Nevermind, you were just spacin' out for a sec'. Haa, I'm gonna go keep an eye on the kettle. Stap put". Kurosaki stood up, heading back towards the kettle as the water within boiled and the steam arose from it. It squeaked and wheezed before the stove was swiftly shut off. I sighed, wishing to get back to my work. However, I found it a little hard to focus. 

"Hey, I was thinking...". Kurosaki began, pouring the hot water into two cups. "...maybe we could go on another trip next summer break. I've saved up quite a bit since our last trip to Kyoto, so maybe we could go there again and save ourseleves the risk of getting sick. How about it? Kizami? Ki-Kiza-uah!" I was in a daze once again, approuching Kurosaki as he spoke and then swiftly wrapping my arms around him when he wasn't holding the boiling hot kettle in his hand. The most that slipped from his fingers was a teaspoon that fell and hit the floor with a sharp clank. Of course, Kurosaki was surprised by my sudden actions but it didn't take long for him to brush it off and treat it as he normally did. "Pfft, Kizami, what are ya doin'? Come on, man, I've gotta get the tea ready. It's freezing in here". "Does this not help?" "W-well...We can cuddle later, can't we? I mean, I need both hands to do this y'know".

I somehow felt a little discouraged by his words, how he was simply brushing it off. I don't know why I felt so unesy. It was almost like...I was scared of something. But I didn't know what. I never get scared-of anything, yet...this feeling...it ached at the pit of my stomach and was squeezing my chest tightly. I thought for a moment that hugging Kurosaki like this was a bit oo much, that I was beng silly even. But I couldn't stop myself from hugging him tighter. "Gwah...K-Kizami, that's a little too tight. You're squeezin' the life outta me. O-oi, Kizami, what's with you today, you're acting...". "Strangely...". I finished his sentence, surprising him. I hated this feeling. I hated how...how afraid I appeared to be. I hated it so much. "Kizami...Please, if something's wrong, you can tell me. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere". Hearing that, those words, put me at ease...and I hated it. I hated this feeling of clinging to Kurosaki. This feeling had been around before. It was worse than this, if I recall. I didn't want Kurosaki to be scared of-...That was it. This wasn't a case of "I don't want Kurosaki to leave". I just didn't want him to be afraid of me. As much as I trusted him, my feelings about whether he was a litttle wary of me wavered. It was rather foolish, I know. But I can't be old self around Kurosaki. The person who I have become because of him is a fool. And I prefer who I am now more than my old self. I don't want to go back to being "him". 

Kurosaki turned around, hugging me properly. I rested my chin on top of his head, hugging him back. "So, what' wrong?" He asked, a faint smile on his lips. Kurosaki saw me as the kind, protective Yuuya Kizami that I once pretended to be as a child. Then, before long, that's who I became. I disgarded the evil inside of me, the person who longed to purge so many out of fascination. I know he still exists somewhere inside me, but I don't want to let him out. Not in front Kurosaki or anyone else. Especially not Kurosaki. "I...". That incident...I almost let him free. "I...". I won't let that happen again, for both Kurosaki's sake and my own. "I'm...really okay". That's what I've decided. And I know that...Kurosaki loves me for who I am now. "Then I'm glad. If you want, we can cuddle in front of the T.V and watch movies. It is pretty cold, so I wouldn't mind cuddling up". This is the person he knows and loves. "Okay...". I replied. "And, about that trip, it sounds good. I've been saving up too, so...". "Great! We could go wherever. It doesn't have to be Kyoto. It could be Tokyo or Sapporo or...". Just as long as things remain the same, then I think we can both be happy. "Kurosaki, it doesn't really matter to me. We can go wherever". 

Kurosaki's smile didn't favour, not even a little. He brushed his knuckles to my cheek before cupping it. "Well, if you're sure. I guess we'll have plenty of time to think about it the rest of the year". "...Yes, of course". The way he was acting now, it was as if that incident never happened, like he disregarded any signs that I may go back to my old self. Although...has Kurosaki ever really seen my old self? He knew that there was something different about me, something that caused my parents to kick me out and ignore my existence for the majority of my life. He knew, he just always looked past it. He saw me as I am now. Kurosaki...is so strange, it still puzzles me. 

I sat back on the floor, closing my books and my work for the time being. Kurosaki came over with the tea, setting it down on the table before sitting closely beside me. He switched on the T.V as I wrapped my arm around his waist. He didn't react, he simply accepted it as he rested his head against my shoulder. "Kizami...". He muttered, his eyes focused on the television. "Do you...do you think we can go to Osaka in Spring?" "...? What for?" "We could go to the cherry blossom viewing with my parents. It's kinda been on my mind recently, I'm not quite sure why". The cherry blossom viewing..."Yeah, that sounds fine". "Cool. I'm sure they'd be happy to see us, since its been so long. That's the only reason I don't like winter; there are no cherry blossoms". "It is kind of a shame. I've never really come to appreciate them until you and I would go see the viewing for our dates. They were quite beautiful". "Haha, oh yeah. You used to always look up and say 'what's the big deal? They're just petals'. Did you feel that way back then too? When we first met?" When we first...That's right. There were blossoms falling then too. 

"I...I can't quite recall. It was so long ago". "Hm, I suppose you're right. I can barely remember it myself. All I can remember was how...relieved I felt". "Relieved...?" Kurosaki wrapped his arms around one of mine, hugging it. "I was relieved to have met such a sweet kid. You were so shy and...I liked you from the moment we first spoke. I didn't wanna leave you all by yourself". "...You remember that much?" "Uh-huh. Only because I still kinda feel the same way. You're an independant young man, Kizami, just like I am, I suppose. But, just so ya know, I plan to stick around for a long time. I always want to be your friend-your best friend-as well as your boyfriend". 

I was lost for words in that moment, surprised and unable to utter a single word. I had originally thought that Kurosaki felt this way, but hearing him say it out loud was a relief to me. It put my mind at ease. He did still see me as a "sweet, shy and kind" person that I appeared to be. Of course, back then, I was a child. I didn't develop any real hatred for anything. Then Kurosaki continued to believe that I was a good person even when I knew I wasn't. He, in return, despite those things, was kind to me. He still believes it. And...I want to believe it too. "I feel the same, Kurosaki". "Hah, that makes me happy. 'Course, I wouldn't doubt you, Kizami. I know we'll be best buddies for life". "Haha, you know there's nothing realistic about that sentence, though". "Ehh? I'd like the believe it. Come on, say it. 'Best buddies for life'. Do it". "N-no...". "Aww, come on~". "Haha...". "Aha! You're smiling! I did it!" "Y-yes, you did...again". "Huh? What was that, Kizami?" "O-oh, nothing. I, er...I love you, Kurosaki". Kurosaki looked puzzled, but it didn't take long for a huge grin to curvemonto his dumb face. "I love ya too, Kizami...". 

I suppose there was nothing to worry about. Kurosaki wasn't scared of me, and I doubted he ever will be. He planned on staying by my side for as long as possible. I didn't mind that at all. He could stay for however long he wished. Although, by the sounds of things, he planned to stay forever. Until the very end, I suppose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haaaaaaaaaaah, I finished it. Finally. But! I do plan to make a part two of this in the future. I don't know when, but it will happen. I promise! For now, I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed writing this first part. I did intend to go farther than 70 chapters, but I'm terrible with time keeping and I did want to do more than just Corpse Party after a while. Kurozami is still my all-time favourite pairing. Just Kizami and Kurosaki's relationship is just so...fucking incredible. I love it. I will always love it. 
> 
> If you're angry that I stopped here, I understand fully but please gimme a break. When I come back, I will update as I used to. Within a week, with better writing quality-hopefully-and a fresh start on the whole "Kurozami adulthood" thing. I will need to clear my mind and make a lot of notes on ideas and such so that I don't get writer's block halfway through. 
> 
> Until then, I want to thank everyone for your continued support on this story. I have worked for god-knows how long to give you the best that I could manage. I wrote this because I saw that no one was writing any Kurozami anymore so I went ahead and brought it back. I did it, and I will bring it back again. Just...not right now. You are all fantastic and I will see you in the next one, whenever that is. Good bye, wonderful readers. (I deserve any critisism you come up with).


End file.
